tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS March 1, 2016 11:40pm-12:42am PST
i certainly did. >> absolutely, that was great. we're going to tell all our jewish friends kansas to come see your show. >> stephen: that's great. maybe we'll make this a yearly tradition. >> did somebody say tradition? ( band starts "tradition" ) tradition. tradition. tradition. tradition. who, day and night, must scramble for a living feed wife and children say his daily prayers and who has the right as master of the house to have the final word at home the papa. the papa tradition. the papa the papa
dai dai dai-dai-dai-dai dai dai dai-dai-dai-dai dai! hey! hey! hey hey hey! >> stephen: stick around! we've got chrissy teigan, mike birbiglia and mythbuster adam savage! l'chaim! >> tonight, stephen welcomes model chrissy teigan. comedian mike birbiglia. and mythbuster, adam savage. featuring jon batiste and stay human.
show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: that was good. we should start every show with a musical. happy, march 1, everybody. we made it. we made it through february. and happy tuesday. this is not just any tuesday, it's suuper! tuesssday! could i get a really ( bleep ) like local access cable zoom in and zoom out, please. suuuper! tuesssday! it was worth it. as we speak, 13 states are holding their presidential
it can change the course of an election. anything can happen. unless you've looked at the polls, in which case, one thing can happen. this is the road to the white house. ( applause ) >> smiling, laughing, i'd like to punch him in the face, i'll tell you. now, we actually tape this before the polls close tonight so i still don't know yet who won or who cares. but on the democratic side, while hillary looks poised for big victories tonight, bernie sanders has promised to stay in the race for all 50 states. or 51, if you count the state of denial. but there could be a shake-up for the democrats because it is being widely reported that there is solid, photographic proof linking hillary clinton to a
an editor at "politico" was tipped off that in hillary clinton's book "living history," hillary included this picture of her family in 1959 with their cat, isis! ( laughter ) ( applause ) right there! right there! in print! that's right, hillary clinton's childhood cat was named isis. this is the most shocking political pet news since jimmy carter revealed his childhood cat's name was ayatollah katmeini. ( laughter ) now, "politico" isn't claiming that hillary clinton named her cat after isis. we have to leave open the possibility that isis named themselves after hillary's cat. we just don't know yet. but it does make sense, if you don't think about it. cats have a lot in common with isis-- they're both ruthless killers who poop in the sand. ( laughter ) ( applause ) one assumes. a lot of sand out there.
have flooded the internet with recruitment videos. ( laughter ) and super tuesday is just as crucial for the republicans, which is why things got so heated in the last republican debate, which according to donald trump he won hands down. just look at this tweet. ( laughter ) now, i have no doubt trump had a raging honer. thank god he was standing behind a podium at the time. and regardless of who won, i think we all lost. >> now he's repeating himself. he says five things: everyone is dumb. we're going to make america great again. we're going to win, win, win. >> first of all, this guy is a choke artist and that guy's a liar. >> you have a combination of factors. he can't do it for the obvious reason, and he can't do it because he doesn't know how to
>> stephen: it was like ultimate fighting but without the satisfaction of seeing any of them get kicked in the face. ( laughter ) it got so bad, at one point-- and this is true-- cnn's closed captions for the debate just said "unintelligible yelling." ( cheers and applause ) but i want to assure the hearing impaired you did not miss anything. "unintelligible yelling" is what you got even when trump was the only person talking. now, the guy establishment republicans are counting on to take trump down is marco rubio, who, unfortunately, is trailing in every super tuesday race and is behind trump even in his home state of florida by almost 20 points. he's losing all the key florida demographics-- the elderly, the furries, and guys in jean jackets who sell pool noodles out of a van.
without a fight. >> he doesn't sweat because his pores are clogged from the spray tan that he uses. he's flying around on "hair force one" and tweeting "donald is not going to make america great. he's going to make america orange." then he asked for a full-length mirror. i don't know why, because the podium goes up to here, but he wanted a full length mirror. maybe to make sure his pants weren't wet. i don't know. donald trump likes to sue people. he should sue whoever did that to his face. >> stephen: that's my time. good night! don't forget to tip your wait ris! ( applause ) and tip your candidate. this could work. insult comedy is a time-honored political strategy. who can forget the gettysburg address when abraham lincoln famously decreed, "general lee's mother is so fat, we could keep the union together with one of her belts." ( laughter ) ( applause )
trump, and he is not afraid to aim low. >> i admit he is taller than me. he is 6'2", which is why i don't understand why his hands are the size of someone who is 5'2". have you seen his hands? and you know what they say about men with small hands? you can't trust 'em, you can't trust 'em. >> stephen: hey, that's too far! that is-- no way! no, way. ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back with chrissy
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you since you became extremely pregnant. >> this is not how i wanted you to find out. ( laughter ) >> stephen: well, listen, it could happen any minute. i mean, are you not that far away. >> no, not at all. i'm supposed to not be traveling pretty soon, so i don't know if i can make it home. but i'll see. >> stephen: you're welcome to stay here. >> thank you. it's nice to see your new house. >> stephen: do you like it here? >> i love it here. this is great. ( applause ) >> stephen: we could have the baby right here on the show. it would be huge ratings. >> do you have a tub? should i to a water birth? >> stephen: we can get a dolph nin here to help with the birthing experience. are you going to do anything special like that? >> no, no, i'm going to epidural it. >> stephen: we're going drugs and knives. >> drugs and knives. legal drugs. this is amazing. >> stephen: i might do an epidural tonight to get through the show. >> do you know there's a walk epidural and a regular epidural. >> stephen: what! >> there are all kinds. >> stephen: what's a walking epidural. >> you don't need a catheter.
>> i'm very excited. these are the things i am learning every day you. >> stephen: have entered into a new phase of your life. you actually have a cookbook which is called. "cravings." >> >> before pregnancy we called it cravings. >> stephen: you came up with this title before you were pregnant. >> every morning i get up i want something new. i have different taste buds. it was before. and now it makes more sense. >> stephen: you want me to believe that? >> i swear to you! i swear! i promise. >> stephen: is there a particular theme to this cooking? >> it's got a lot of hearty food, my dad is a norwegian man, and my mom say little thai lady. a lot of it was what i cooked growing up with my dad. i was a daddy girl. >> stephen: it's not model food. >> no, no, definitely not. i eat like this, too. i know when to buckle down. i know when i have "sports illustrate" or something it's time to really buckle down and i take two and a half, three weeks
or i actually have a lot of low-carb recipes in there, a zucchini lasagna. but i still need to be satisfied. i can't just diet. i need to feel like i'm eating hearty foods. >> stephen: you were at the oscars as i said. >> yes. >> stephen: this beautiful photograph of you and your husband. >> i'm glad you picked that photo and not the other thing that happened. >> stephen: what else happened? >> i made a face. again. >> stephen: oh! oh, you mean this photo right here. >> no! ( applause ) >> stephen: this photee right there? what's going on in that photo. what's happening? >> a lot of stacy dash. >> stephen: i think a lot of people couldn't figure out what was going on at that moment. >> it was so funny. in the room it was dead silence. i actually think they put laughter in after. i saw some clips when i got home oh, man. that was weird. when he said her name, we were all like oh, we thought that was the joke. and then she came out, and no
>> stephen: as you said, you're half norwegian and half thai. >> yes. >> stephen: and as a person of a mixed ancestry and a person of color, do you think at the oscars that norwegians are properly represented? ( laughter ). >> you know what? i'm glad you brought that up. we are, yan tyingen and i, who is also of norwegian descent, we spoke about it. >> stephen: who is that? >> he's a musician. >> stephen: really? >> and that's about it. honestly. i've googled it before. there are not too many we would know. >> stephen: when you say you have to buckle down for twoar three weeks to get ready for a "sports illustrated"" shoot what, do you mean by "buckle out?" >> work out and eat well. i come from a family where we blow up in a bad weekend. >> stephen: i bet you really do. >> john as well. oh, my gosh. that butt will just get huge! >> stephen: i have seen your husband's butt. >> have you. >> stephen: on a photograph you took of his butt. >> oh, yes, i forced you to see it, then. >> stephen: you forced me.
looking for it. being like you becoming sort of a queen of instagram, and queen of social media, is there a secret to a good instagram shot. >> with food at least, no filters. i believe bumping up the contrast, but no valencia or low-fi,. >> stephen: so nothing you would do to your face you don't want to do to the food. >> face, no, no. smoothing and stuff pup can't have smooth pancakes. my mom over-fitters our dogs and babies so they look like cherub ps. they don't look like real animals. my mom would face tune you to death and you would look like a plate. >> stephen: did you get these recipes from your mom? >> the thai mom section is definitely all mom inspired. >> stephen: did mom approve. >> oh, very mom approved. thai mom does not write down any recipes and every time we had her test a recipe and we tried to get her to write it down and
watch her closely, it's different every time. so that was the tricky part with mom. >> stephen: i'd love to learn one of the recipes. >> loats do it. "cravings" is out now. we'll be right back. with a recipe, me and her. ( applause ) and smart people, like this person, say there's about to be even more water. there's about to be even more water. when water freezes, people play on it. when it bubbles, people sit in it. when it moves, people slide down it. ok, smile. in fact, there's so much water out there, why in the world would you get a phone that can't get wet? ok, try again. the new water-resistant galaxy s7 edge. there is a dangerousinstinct that lives within you. you like chaos.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back. we are here with our friend chrissy teigan who is going to show us a recipe from her new book "cravings." >> this is nice and simple gli can do tough. >> these are summer rolls. they're not thai. but they're close enough. they were vietnamese. >> stephen: there's no difference between vietnamese and thai. that's racist. >> they're close and we enjoy
we're going to take a little warm water, dump this rice wrapper in here. >> stephen: that is a simple recipe. >> that's tand then you're done. >> stephen: how long do you keep it in there? >> until it softens, 15 seconds or so. >> stephen: it feels plastic. >> they're plasticky. >> stephen: how is your husband by the way. i love your husband. >>.>> he's good. ies getting ready for his paternity leave. >> stephen: speak of being a baby daddy, i sang with him once, and he hit one of those high notes and i thought i ovulated. >> we're going to put it on a damp cloth here. >> stephen: it sound delicious lead. >> we have a bar set up. i like to do this at home. i like people to work. i get them a drink and let them interact and have fun. this is lettuce. put it in the middle. >> stephen: that is perfectly clear. i can see right through that. >> that's perfectly clear. >> stephen: that is honest neadvertising. you know what you're going to put in your mouth.
>> throw whatever you want in there. i think the star of this recipe is actually really the sauce. do you want to wrap it? >> stephen: sure, what do i do? >> wrap it like a biewr oato like whiewr @author chipotle. >> stephen: how much will this be like chipotle. nice and tight like that. you don't have to yell through the entire thing. is that-- oh, i messed it up. there we go. there we go. >> beautiful! wonderful! >> stephen: that is something like a biewr oato. >> that's great. that looks wonderful. wait, cut it on the bias. >> stephen: what does bias mean? >> just a little slant air, diagonal cut. beautiful! nice job. put it on this little plate here. >> stephen: another got it right there. >> up to the try it? >> stephen: i'd love to. >> this is nice. you can dip it in whatever sauce. oh! oh! okay. that's good, right? you can't go wrong.
think i'm losing weight. >> it is one of the healthier things in the book, i will say. >> stephen: so how long before the baby? >> oh, man, the countdown is on. we've got mid-april. >> stephen: really? >> crazy! i can't believe it. >> stephen: do you have a name picked out? >> we change it all the time. so if you have a suggestion -- >> steve sen a beautiful name. >> i asked barack -- >> "i asked barack." excuse me! ( cheers and applause ) based. vladimir. go ahead with your obama story. >> asked president obama if he liebd one of our name choices and he said he did. but then i realized i should could pick one. about it. >> stephen: really, you're going to let the president pick the name of your child? >> yes, i wanted to ask him, because john isn't sold on the name. so i figured if he liked it, john would be sold on it.
>> yeah, i won't say it, but yeah. >> stephen: you told barack obama but you won't tell me. just whisper it to me. i won't telethem. >> you won't say is. >> really. >> stephen: yeah, to hell with barack obama, guwith that. >> the book is "cravings." the woman is chrissy teigan. we'll be right back, everybody. get 30% off every guest every ship in the caribbean but hurry, this offer won't last long come seek the royal caribbean
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a comedian you know from "sleepwalk with me," "trainwreck," and "orange is the new black." he's now written a one-man show called "thank god for jokes." please welcome mike birbiglia! ( applause ) >> stephen: it's nice to meet you. >> how are you? nice to meet you. i'm very intimidated. >> stephen: no need, no need. i'm intimidated by you. you've written and starred in your own one-man show called "thank god for jokes," which is at the lynn redgrave theater. and i also thank god for jokes. what do you mean when you say "thank god for jokes"? >> you know, the show has some religious themes, and it has -- >> are you a religious person?
i was an altar boy as a kid and the answer is no. >> stephen: i was an altar boy for many years. 11 years. >> yeah, i was. wow. senior year. that. probably five or six years. and, yeah. i was-- and it was-- that was an odd thing for getting into comedy because my mosms very concerned when-- were you parents concerned? >> stephen: no, my mom was all >> really. >> stephen: yeah, she probably should have worried more. >> my mom when i moved to new york to pursue comedy. she said-- she goes, "just don't become one of those dirty comedians." ( laughter ) and i said, "okay." and she said, "you don't have to use those words to be funny. for example, oprah's very funny." ( laughter ) and i-- i said, "maybe to gayle." "or even stedman, when they let him in it on, but i just don't
i'm not trying to be the queen of daytime." but i-- but, you know, i've tried to-- i've tried to not-- i talk about this in the show a bit if "thank god for jokes" but i try not to curse a lot for stage, but sometimes i'm booked in places just for that reason. >> stephen: theyment you to curse? >> no, just because i don't curse a lot. >> stephen: oh, like a church group or something like that. >> like a few years ago i got booked at a christian college in missouri and the show was in this giant gymnasium and there wall. and i thought that was funny. i was thinking what if jesus were there. what would he say? "use the elliptical." i hope that's not offensive. all. not to me. lot. i went to, you know, catholic school, and they teach you when you're so young-- you're, like, seven, and they're like, "there's this guy jesus and he loves you, and you love him, too, right?" and you're like, "wait, do i
and they're like, "there was this guy jesus and he loves everybody and a long time ago he died but it's not totally your fault, don't be scared and sad, because he's in heaven and there's the other person the holy spirit, who nobody understands and there's a time." it's odd. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. so you played this gig. did they like your stuff? >> no. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's tough. >> so the show is called "thank god for jokes." it's in some ways about how, you know, jokes are in some ways a religious experience of sorts. they're a way we bond -- >> they're a collective experience. people laugh at the same time. it's unvoluntary. >> and you certainly i feel like my wife and i bond-- you met my wife backstage gli dlovely. and your baby. >> my little-- my baby. >> stephen: well, small. she was small. that was her head. i was doing her head.
>> una. i feel like-- i think the most special thing about marriage is jokes, that you can share jokes with your wife and husband that are funny to you and that exprn no one else, other than, maybe, your cat. because when you have a cat, your barometer for humor, out the window. like-- let me explain. >> stephen: because the cat doesn't laugh at your jokes? i don't understand. >> no, the cat-- i'll give you an example. last summer, my wife and i went on a trip to massachusetts. and i called it cats-a-chooseets, and was not funny but in our house was the joke of the year. >> stephen: did you bring your cat with you? >> we did, we did. >> stephen: i get it. >> literally, that was like i cats-a-chooset. and i was like aah! and my wife was like aaah! everybody loves a good pun when you have a cat. >> stephen: you should definitely stick with this woman because she's laughing.
>> stephen: she's not over there right now. you can keep looking but she's not actually over there right now. >> so we drive to cats-a-chooseets, and when we arrived-- see, now you're getting it. >> stephen: i'm there. >> now we're starting to have this bond. >> so we drive to cats-a-chooseets and my wife has a headache and she asked fiwould acclimate our cat to the bedroom -- >> do what. bedroom. >> stephen: just put the cat in the a bedroom. >> you're clearly not a cat -- >> i had a cat. i had several cats. i didn't acclimate my cat. i'm an aka-la-cat. >> if it's an indoor cat, if you don't acclimate it, it will just explode. >> stephen: they depressurize. they depressure eyes, yes. >> so i'm acclimating ivan to the bedroom, and i fall asleep, which is the only thing you can't do when acclimating an
i fall asleep-- ( laughter ). >> stephen: why-- why can't you-- why can't you acclimate a-- why can't you fall asleep? do they just go straight for your eyes while they're sleeping? why can't you fall asleep? >> if i leaned in as much as you're leaning in right now -- >> you'd be the host. >> we'd be kissing. >> stephen: i'm really curious about this. you don't have to do this with dogs, you know. >> no, no. no, so-- wait, so you're asking why do you have to -- >> why do you have to stay weak when you're acclimating a cat? >> to make sure they don't get out, because they're trying to get out. >> stephen: close the door! close the door! you're making this more complicated than it has to be. acclimate the cat! put the cat in-- >> don't get mad at me! >> stephen: i'm not mad-- >> we just met! why are you getting mad at me. >> stephen: i think your wife just wants wants some alone time. >> she does. >> stephen: you're in there
>> i come out and ivan got out. i ran around the house, he got out, he was in the basement. it doesn't matter. the point, is we were staying at this house in western mass., and there were mice in the house, and they were parasitic mice. >> stephen: what? >> okay. ( laughter ) have you ever heard of toxo plas moasis. it means they have a parasite in them. >> stephen: or they have a parasite in them. they're not parasitic mice. they don't latch on to you like a leach and you have to pick them off with a hot match or something like that. that's what parasitic mice sound like. >> they have a parasite in them and they want it to be in you. >> stephen: the mice do not. >> i swear to god. >> stephen: mice don't know. >> you need to research this, stephen. >> stephen: yes. >> so they're unafraid of cats and they're unafraid of people. unafraid. >> i swear, my wife was watching tv on the coach, and she looked next to her and there was a also. and she screamed, and he just
little. like, "hey, what's going on? i don't like this show either. i don't know why all those women would want to marry that one guy." and she pushed him off the coach. >> stephen: just pushed him off. just pushed him off. >> you know, just kind of swatted him off. >> stephen: okay. >> and he didn't even run away. he-- he didn't even scurry, which is a verb invented for mice. ( laughter ) he just walked through the kitchen like a roommate. he was like, "fine, i'll go in the other room. i just think you're over-reacting." then he did a confessional into the mouse-cam in the kitchen. he's like, "i'm not here to make friends. i was here before they came. i'll be he were when they're gone." that's from "real mouse wives of cats-a-chooseets. >> stephen: you know what that mouse was? he was acclimated. ( laughter ) mike, congratulations on the new show. >> thank you!
being here. >> thanks for having me on. it was such an honor. the show is called "thank god for jokes." this man knows how to acclimate a cat. what? we could have stopped. i don't want to stop. i don't want to stop. but eventually we have to do the commercials. you have something more to say. i'm happy to hear. >> we extended through may. >> stephen: you extended through may! >> it was going to be six weeks -- >> ist says right there. through may 29. it's never ending. the theater is acclimated to him now, mike birbiglia, everybody. we'll be right back. like a team. a combination designed to help improve your baby's skin barrier while you stimulate his senses.
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honor to have you here in the last run of "mythbusters." how many more shows? >> one last show airs next saturday night, and then we're done forever. >> stephen: what a long, strange trip it's been, man. so 2003. >> yeah. >> stephen: what did you think the show was going to be because it's become a cultural icon? >> i thought that the name sounded like a really silly name fair show. like "mythbusters." that doesn't roll off the tongue. that's not going to be great. but i had been teaching myself film making on a digital video camera and a laptop, and they asked for a demo reel, and we sent it in. >> stephen: what was in the demo? what was the first thing you busted to prove-- it's a proof of concept. >> we talked about lawn chair larry. the guy who put 20 balloons on his lawn chair. >> stephen: california, yeah. >> we lit something on fire, put it out with our feet and ran away. >> stephen: and thus. >> yes. >> stephen: a legend was born.
later to film the show and we never stopped filming until november. >> stephen: wow. i've said this before-- actually, i-- i-- i-- said it to you, which is that what i love about "mythbusters" is that you made the scientific method a guilty pleasure. >> i love that comment. >> stephen: you just loved watching the stages. which do you like more, actually busting the myth or showing the process of busting the myth? because the problem solving is so beautiful. >> you've isolated exactly my favorite part of the job, which is the process. and showing how messy and creative it is, and it's like when people come up to me and they're like, "you shoald me that science could be fun so i went into engineering." oh! we never imagined that we were getting children interested in science. we never think of the children. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: no. you don't. except those-- all those things like what you're about to see, we are professionals.
>> it always felt like a little bit of a ruse to say that. >> stephen: it is. because you know people are at home putting spray paint in the can and setting it on fire. is there a particular myth that got away, one you wanted to do but you couldn't actually do it or show it? >> there is a-- there's a native american myth about going duck hunting that if you want to collect ducks, you float pumpkins in their pond, and get them used to pumpkins floating around, and then when you want to eat duction you put a pumpkin on your head and swim up to them. ( laughter ) and my friend who is a hunter told me that you could-- who apparently has tried this-- that you can go right up to them and grab them by the legs and pull them right under, and the ducks around them won't even notice. ( laughter ). >> stephen: and? >> we never got to test it. it was a myth i had to jettison at the last minute in the last season because we had too much footage and we had to --
start a show called "pumpkin busters." i understand there was a mouse one that you shot but couldn't show. >> yeah. your mother probably said this to you when you were a kid, "i'm not going to buy you that cereal. the box is more nutritious than the cereal inside." we fed three cages of lab mice. one was eated controlled mouse food, the second froot loops and the third was eating cardboard. after about five days, we came in and the cardboard cage no longer had three mice in it. it had one really fat mouse who we nicknamed him killer. ( laughter ) >> stephen: he had eaten his friends. >> he had eaten his friends. >> stephen: was the cardboard gone, too? >> no. >> stephen: it was so delicious he was like, "hey, you look pretty good, too." >> actually, he had eaten them. they were literally like a head, rib cage, and tail like he had
>> stephen: it conjurs an image with the first one he eats and the second one in the corner going, "he's only going to do that once, right. i'm on your side on this one. that guy deserved this but come on." >> i never considered that. >> stephen: that's moment i'm thinking of right now i would love to recreate a classic myth with you and i understand you have one with you right now? >> yes. >> stephen: do we need to get up judgeup? >> let me set the stage. we were testing would a penny thrown from the empire state building kill you when it hits the ground. >> stephen: that was the first show, wasn't it? >> i think it was very early -- >> so the myth is you drop a penny from the empire state building and it goes right through your skull. >> it continues to go faster and faster and faster and will go right into you and into the sidewalk is. >> stephen: i heard that one growing up. >> and when you visit the empire state building, every level of the observation deck littered with change.
wish on someone else's skull. >> exactly. so we figured out the terminal velocity of a penny and we figured out that that wasn't lethal, and to prove it, jamie shot me in the ass with a penny. but there is no such thing as a fact which cannot be independently corroborated, so i'm going to ask you to be scientific with me and help me recorroborate this. would you shoot me in the ass with a penny? >> stephen: i'd be honored. all right, let's do it. ( cheers and applause ) now, tell me the nature of this wall. why is the wall striped? >> the wall it striped so as the penny travels people can the home can do math about how fast it's actually traveling. we do this for every one of our projectile stunts. >> stephen: you be over there. i'll be over here. i believe we have a pneumatic gun. okay. ( laughter )
>> i built this in my shop on friday. you've got to point the laser pointer at my butt and pull back on this. put a penny in first. >> stephen: put a penny in the slot. >> excellent. >> stephen: all right, hold on to it tight. >> point it over at me. >> stephen: all right. gruel drop trou. ( applause ) >> here we go. >> stephen: that's nice, man. there you go. okay. ( cheers and applause ) ready? are you ready? >> i'm ready! >> stephen: this is for science now. >> this is for science! >> stephen: okay, everybody go, 3, 2, 1. ready? 3, 2, 1. >> ow! >> stephen: yeah, baby! ( cheers and applause ) yeah! science! science! how long?
all right. now, you're not dead. we've prove than you're not dead. so myth confirmed, plausible, or busted? >> myth busted. a penny from the empire state building will now kill you. >> stephen: dough we have it in slo-mo yet? the impact in slo-mo, everybody. adam savage, everybody! the final episodes of "mythbusters" air this saturday, march 5, beginning at
>> stephen: that's it for "the late show." tune in tomorrow when my guests will be octavia spencer. from "fuller house," john stamos, bob saget, and dave coulier. and a musical performance by lucius. now stick around for james corden. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh >> reggie: are you ready to have some fun feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout your hang-ups and fears 'bout to set you right it's the late, late show >> announcer: ladies and
saskatchewan, ontario alberta, give it up for the one, the only james corden! (cheers and applause) >> james: we welcome to the "the late late show"! thank you so much! (cheers and applause) thanks, guys! i appreciate it! thank you! today was super tuesday, the day during an election year on which several states hold primary elections. and depending on the results of super tuesday, tomorrow could be panic wednesday because, let's be honest, this super tuesday could be the day that trump running for president becomes officially not funny anymore. (laughter) why do americans call this day
"super" means? calling the primary elections "super" is like calling broccoli a "guilty pleasure." (laughter) trump's chances of getting the nomination are looking very good. he's earned so many endorsements. most recently, at a rally in georgia yesterday, trump was endorsed by the c.e.o. of nascar and several prominent nascar drivers. with the nascar endorsement, donald trump has locked up the coveted "guy you wish your sister would break up with" vote. (laughter) people were really applauding when these nascar drivers joined the stage at the trump rally. and that's impressive. do you know how hard it is to applaud when three of your fingers were blown off by a firecracker? (laughter) it's not nice! (cheers and applause) but the c.e.o. of nascar, brian france, spoke saying that "trump is a family man."
wives. (laughter) that's how much he loves families. he made three of them! to be honest, i don't know why this is even news. donald trump being endorsed by nascar is like bernie sanders being endorsed by a vegan coffee shop. (laughter) but the big news about trump the last couple of days has been outrage after trump's initial refusal to disavow the ku klux klan after they endorsed him. now, in his defense, trump did eventually say he was against the k.k.k., and he did that after taking only 48 hours to think about it. (laughter) he just needed to sleep on it. twice. trump has gotten out in front of these racism allegations. in fact, just this morning, he renounced support of all white supremacists and then declared, "there's nobody that's done so much for equality as i have," pointing to his mar-a-lago club in palm beach, florida as an
trump's mar-a-lago resort is open to people of any race, color, or creed...who can afford the non-refundable $100,000 application fee. that's right. trump's best argument for being pro-equality is that he built a country club that doesn't ban minorities. nothing represents the melting pot of america like a golf club in florida. has gotten so crazy that ted cruz has become the voice of reason. conservative radio show where he offered trump a little advice. >> you know, i've joked there are not many iron rules in politics, but one that you can count on 100% of the time is the klan always bad, nazis always bad. you will never go wrong with that rule.
bad, bad... (applause) >> james: ted cruz has the moral high ground here. ted cruz was endorsed by the guy from duck dynasty. the difference between the duck dynasty guy and the k.k.k. is that one of them has a tv show. but after his losses on super tuesday, ted cruz is having a tough night. chances of becoming president now? >> bad, bad, bad... >> james: reggie- are you ready? he's reggie watts, i'm james corden and this, this is the late late show. roll the titles.