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tv   The Late Show With Stephen Colbert  CBS  December 12, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am EST

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sleep well. captioning sponsored by cbs >> and now the "late show" exclusive interview with president-elect donald trump. >> stephen: president-elect trump, thank you for joining me. >> thank you very much. >> stephen: you're welcome very much. let's get right to the heat of the meat -- do you believe russia intervened to help you win the election? >> i think it's ridiculous. i think it's just another excuse. i don't believe it. i don't know why ... >> stephen: you don't know why they would want you to be president? well, possibly because you can be easily manipulated by flattery. >> no, i don't believe that at all. >> stephen: you're a handsome fella. i bet you do all right with the ladies. >> well, i get it when i need it. >> stephen: okay. see what i mean? let's stay on the topic. even the c.i.a. has concluded the russians intervened, why do you disagree with your own intelligence agency? >> every week, it's another excuse.
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we had a massive landslide victory, as you know, in the electoral college. >> stephen: okay, since you brought it up, there have been 58 presidential elections, so far. of those 58, your victory ranked 46th in the electoral college. down here. okay, you're below garfield, and he was a cat. >> we had many people saying one of the great victories of all time. >> stephen: can you name one of those many people? >> my children. >> stephen: anybody who's not you or your family who believes this was a landslide victory? >> it could be somebody sitting in a bed some place. >> stephen: i guess they have beds in russia. so why don't you read your daily intelligence briefing? >> you know, i'm like a smart person. >> stephen: how are you like a smart person? >> nobody really knows. >> stephen: are the russian influencing you? >> no. i don't believe that at all. >> stephen: let's test that. do you think rocky really beat ivan drago in rocky 4? >> well, if you look at the
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story, and you take a look at what they said, there's great confusion. >> stephen: no, it's clear. at the end of the movie, the referee holds up rocky's arm in victory. >> they're not sure. they're fighting among themselves. >> stephen: of course, they're fighitng -- it's a boxing movie, smartie. what's your favorite dressing? is it russian? >> yes. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight stephen welcomes john goodman, denee benton and musical guest norah jones, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, oits stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: whoo!
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( audience chanting stephen ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show," everybody. i'm stephen colbert, your host for the next hour. for the next four years, your president will be donald trump. ( audience reacts ) get used to it. no, no. it's the deal. suck it up. on friday, trump held a rally in baton rouge, where he -- spoiler alert! -- talked about himself. >> you know, "time" magazine, they were both nice and a little bit wise guy yesterday. they gave me the 'person of the year.'.
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it used to be called the 'man of the year.'. now it's called the 'person of the year.'. that's good. they're politically correct. they were very politically correct. >> stephen: yeah, and "time" isn't even the most p.c. magazine. that title goes to "pc world magazine". the world, that's the one. fun fact -- but trump wasn't done complaining -- >> who would rather have it be the "person of the year?" ( audience reacts) a couple of people. who would rather have it be the "man of the year? ( cheers ) maybe that -- that could be why the magazine business isn't so great. >> stephen: yeah, could be. magazines do better when they use the word "man". just ask the editors of "people who are men" magazine. ( laughter ) mm-hmm. yeah. that was duane the male johnson. ( laughter ) and this could be a thing -- it looks like "trump will nominate
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exxon-mobil c.e.o. rex tillerson to secretary of state." ( audience reacts ) i got to say, "rex tillerson" is -- could be one of the most oil tycoon names of all time, right behind "tex drillerson." and i know a lot of names have been floated for state, but tillerson might get it because he's close to putin. in fact, in 2013 putin gave tillerson russia's order of friendship. and you want to be vladimir's buddy, because putin believes in keeping his friends close and his enemies in a bag. but of course the big story today is that the c.i.a. has reported to the senate that "russian hackers acted to aid trump in the election." so, trump was right. the election was rigged! now, this huge surprise is no surprise.
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because, back in october, we know the c.i.a. told the white house russian hackers were involved, but they didn't release the report because they didn't want to sway a presidential election. that's the f.b.i.'s job. ( cheers and applause ) the c.i.a.'s proof is that russia hacked both the d.n.c. and the r.n.c., but "did not release whatever information they got from the republicans." possibly because nothing in the r.n.c. emails was as bad as what trump was saying out loud. ( laughter ) apparently, russia's goal was to "undercut confidence in the integrity of the vote." well, it didn't work. i still have complete confidence in the vote. it's my faith in humanity that's been shattered. ( applause ) so what do we do about it? what do we do?
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even if it's true, if this proves to be true, what on earth do you do now? well, democrats and republicans in the senate are calling for a bipartisan probe into russia's suspected election interference. great. there's nothing more reassuring than the words, "don't worry, congress will do something!" they're on it! crack team! top men! ( cheers and applause ) shoo! and what if they find out that the russians did hack our election? what are we supposed to do then? some people are saying we should have an election do-over. all right, somebody go to the woods and find hillary. "olly-olly oxen free!" ( making bird sounds ) ( applause )
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>> jon: that's how you do it. >> stephen: ( in bird voice) fundraiser, fundraiser! >> jon: oh, oh! i didn't know they made that sound. >> stephen: now, not everyone believes the russians are behind this. for instance, the trump folks released a statement calling the c.i.a.'s story into question, saying, "these are the same people that said saddam hussein had weapons of mass destruction." harsh words, but it's true. the c.i.a. should have done what donald trump did in the lead-up to the iraq war -- take every position possible. then, later, just pick the one that made you look best. ( applause ) ( making bird sounds ) but this is unprecedented -- our electoral system may have been hijacked by a foreign power -- led by strong, virile and magnetic vladimir putin. putin is number one rock and roll party president who have too many muscles for shirts and... hold on a second. what's up with my prompter?
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let me check in with prompter operator, johnny cowboy. johnny, what's happening with my prompter? ( applause ) johnny cowboy, everybody. what's happening with my brompter? >> hello, stephen. (speaking in russian accent ). teleprompter is a-okay yankee number one super bowl. >> stephen: it's got a lot of pro russia stuff in it. >> stephen, idea that vladimir putin is top fantastic hunk is not pro-russia. is just fact. disney world coca cola, am i right? >> stephen: i'm not fighting with that. you're right about that one. >> stephen: so my prompter is
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not hacked, johnny? >> your prompter is not hacked, stephen. make america cyndi crawford blue jeans! >> stephen: johnny cowboy, everyone! ( applause ) stay with late show, many laughs occurring with john goodman tonight. now, make greetings towards jon batiste and the remaining humans! ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ( humming ) >> stephen: well, folks, the year's almost over, thank god. 2016 has been grueling-- whether your candidate won or lost, you
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had to endure the election global instability-- even batman and superman were fighting. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. thank you. very nice of you. thank you for clapping. thank you very much. ( applause ) so this holiday, we're all feeling bummed out. so to cheer everyone up, joining me live via satellite from the north pole-- please welcome kris kringle. ( cheers and applause ) >> ho-ho-ho! merry christmas, everyone! >> stephen: thanks for joining us, santa. i know this is a busy time. >> yes, every minute i'm away, 100 good children don't get a gift, but i'm sure this is important. >> stephen: okay, i'll make it quick -- 2016 has been a bummer, santa, and i was hoping you could help cheer up those of us feeling the holiday blues. >> sure!
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santa has an important message for those of you feeling down this year -- suck it up and grow a pair! ho, ho, ho. >> stephen: wait, what? suck it up? santa, how can you say that? 2016 has me pretty upset! >> oh, you're upset? try being an immortal elf whose job was bringing christmas cheer during the bubonic plague. the hot toy that year was a quick, painless death. ho, ho, ho! >> stephen: gosh, santa, sorry about that. at least you have mrs. claus. >> oh, ho, ho! no! i caught her with one of the elves! oh, who am i kidding, all of the elves! now we live on separate poles, and i get the reindeer on weekends. >> stephen: wow, santa, you've
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been through a lot, but you still seem pretty jolly. what's your secret? >> just remember -- no matter how hard the year has been, on christmas day, you have a chance to just take a break and relax with the ones you love. >> stephen: thank you, santa. >> except for me because i have to work that day. merry christmas, everyone! >> stephen: santa claus, everybody! we've got a great show for you tonight-- denee benton and norah jones are here, and when we return, some more christmas cheer. ♪ ( cheers and applause ) stick around! >> ho, ho, ho! try theraflu expressmax,nd flu hold you back now in new caplets. it's the only cold & flu caplet that has a maximum strength formula with a unique warming sensation you instantly feel.
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( cheers and applause )
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♪ >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! welcome back, folks! it's the holiday season, and that means there's plenty of christmas music in the air. everyone's singing about rudolph, or frosty or "parson brown"... which i'm pretty sure is a euphemism for sex stuff. but there's one christmas song that is truly inescapable -- "simply, having, that's all i -- it's paul mccartney's wonderful christmas "time." ♪ simply, having ♪ that's all i can sing or be sued ♪ am i the cute one? i guess i am! ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> jon: yeah, still working on
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your paul? >> stephen: yes, i wrote eleanor rigby. personally, i like the song. but i might be alone. because "usa today" has called "wonderful christmastime," the worst christmas song ever, and esquire just put it at number one on their countdown of the ( bleep ) christmas songs ever recorded. you have to admit, it's pretty impressive that mccartney is still number one on the charts. and the people agree. look at these tweets. i can only listen to "simply having a wonderful christmastime" so many times before i want to die. or, it's my understanding that mccartney's "wonderful christmastime" cannot be played to prisoners of war under the geneva convention. though donald trump has said he will bring back nog-boarding. look, this is ridiculous and unfair to my close personal friend paul mccartney whom i have met twice.
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there is no way that "wonderful christmastime" is the worst christmas song of all time because i have written the worst christmas song of all time. ( applause ) it's called "christmas is now," would you like to hear it? ( cheers and applause ) i would like to sing it into your hearts and burn it into your minds. ( bells jing ling ) s christmas is now christmas is now s now it is christmas and christmas is now. s christmas is now christmas is now s christmas is christmas and now it is now.
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( cheers and applause ) >> s christmas is now christmas is now s now it is christmas and christmas is now. >> stephen: norah jones, everyone. ( cheers and applause ) s christmas is now christmas is now s christmas is christmas and now it is now. s now, now, now, now now, now, now, now s now, now, now, now, now, now now, christmas now. s christmas christmas s now, now, now, now now it is christmas s and christmas now is christmas is now s christmas is now now it is christmas s and christmas is now christmas is now s christmas is now christmas is christmas s and now it is now
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now, now, now, now s now, now, now, now now, now, now, now, now, now s now christmas now christmas, christmas s now, now, now, now now it is christmas s and christmas now is. christmas is now s christmas is now now it is christmas s and christmas is now christmas is now s christmas is now christmas is christmas
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( cheers and applause ) ♪ christmas is now s christmas is now christmas, christmas s is, is, is now ( cheers and applause ) now, now, now, now s now, now, now, now now, now, now, now, now, now s now christmas now >> stephen: we'll be right back with john goodman! ( cheers and applause )
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( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) folks, my first guest tonight is one of the finest actors alive who stars in the new movie "patriots day." please welcome john goodman! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: nicely done. ( cheers and applause ) >> i had to tie my shoe! >> stephen: don't worry about it. john was just remarking to himself he did not tie his shoes before coming out here. you should get hazard pay for doing that. >> yep. >> stephen: you just missed santa. he was just here. >> jeepers, mr. kent!
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you just missed superman! i did again? >> stephen: yeah. jeepers! >> stephen: a little down. yeah? >> stephen: tell him to cheer up if you see him. >> santacon. >> stephen: so close, too. he would get action at the actual santa con. >> i know that. >> stephen: of course, you're friends with santa. >> i know santa. i haven't seen him lately. >> stephen: oh, okay. anyway -- >> stephen: anyway, merry christmas? >> yeah. and merry christmas to you, too. >> stephen: thank you very much. >> and merry christmas to all my friends. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: are you a big christmas guy? you got all the decorations up and all that fun stuff? >> yeah, my wife bought, like, a bonsai christmas tree on crumbs
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avenue and she's in the midst of decorating it. >> stephen: really? yeah, we were going to get a 50-footer and displace the people upstairs. but i'm only in the neighborhood another month or so. >> stephen: you don't live in new york full time. you're here because you're on broadway. ( cheers and applause ) you're doing the front page at the broad hurst theater. >> yes, i am. >> stephen: you're in the middle of your broadway run. >> yes. >> stephen: we here think we have a hard job. we do about 200 hours of show a year. you do about 200 shows every couple of months. about eight shows a week. >> yeah. >> stephen: you look like you're in fighting trim. is it wearing on you? >> it wears on my voice, unfortunately. but every once in a while, i go to a doctor and she gives me
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prednisone which is a steroid. so i have a good excuse if somebody is out in the audience with a cell phone, i can go psycho on them. >> stephen: do people take cell phones away? >> i don't know if they do. i'm not paying that close attention to anything. at the end, they'll take photos. it's still illegal. >> stephen: don't make this -- don't make him angry. you still like it when he's angry but you just don't want him to be angry. you used to live in this neighborhood. >> yes, i lived on 51st. >> stephen: when did you live here? >> '77 till '87. ten years in the neighborhood. i was here another two years. >> stephen: what's the biggest thing that's changed? >> it looks like lexington
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avenue. it's gentrified. >> stephen: what was it like back in the '70s? >> it was like "hell's kitchen." >> stephen: did you have to be friends with them? >> no, i pretty much avoided them. >> stephen: sounds like a pretty good story there. >> it was a little rough. for fun when i was broke i'd watch the junkies on 52n 52nd street try to nod and see who was going to hit the ground or not, recovery time. >> stephen: you and your buddies place bets? >> i didn't have any buddies, but thanks. >> stephen: no buddies? no. >> stephen: what? i understand you did --? right? you did children's theater when you first started? i did, too. my first professional gig. >> my first professional show is rumpelstiltskin. >> stephen: really? because i (bleep) you not, my
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first professional gig was rumpelstiltskin. >> really? >> stephen: yeah. we did rumpelstiltskin versus the queen. it was, like, a law case, teaching kids how courtrooms work. he comes in to claim the child and we have a courtroom. i built the set. >> i did a lot of band driving and costume loading. i think i was the minstrel. i opened the show. >> stephen: do you remember any of your lines? ♪ good day to you ♪ good day to you ♪ good day to you my friends that's it. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: you're got the part! you're hired! you know knees guys? >> i don't. i do now. >> stephen: you live in new orleans. he's from new orleans. >> jon: yeah, man! how you doing? where you at? >> where you at?
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>> jon: what's happening? you are. how's your mom and them? >> jon: good. how's your pa and them? >> solid. >> stephen: well, that's all we have time for. thank you so much. >> i'm doing a movie, too. >> stephen: this has been a vacation for me. ( laughter ) you've done a lot of create cohen brothers movies. can you go bowling anymore? >> i was never a big bowler anyway. >> stephen: yeah? i've got a backup ball. it always goes to the gutter. >> stephen: uh-huh. i went to bowling to drink. i mean, let's face it. >> stephen: it is one of the few sports that has a bar right there. curling and bowling. >> they'll bring it to you. >> stephen: really? yeah. >> stephen: you go to better bowling alleys than i do. could i ask you a favor? if i was going to ask walter to
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say something to the president-elect of the united states, would walter have a message to donald trump? >> you're out of your element, donnie! ( applause ) >> stephen: thank you. you're welcome. >> stephen: i might play that on a loop. ( laughter ) now your new film is called "patriots day" about the boston bombing of the marathon, and what do you remember about it? because people remember where they were when it happened, it was so shocking. >> it was in germany shooting a film. it was just shocking. it was like an invasion. >> stephen: yeah, it was really extraordinary. and you play the police commissioner ed davis. >> yes. >> stephen: and what's his role in the story? he's a co con concilitator, bris
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people together, the police. it's an impossible job trying to quell the fears of the city. you have angry cops, people angry at the muslim community. just trying to quell things and intensify a manhunt to get these guys off the street. they were on their way down here. >> stephen: we have a clip here and it is the f.b.i. and the boston police in the room together trying to figure out whether to release photographs they have to have the tsarnaev brothers. >> those are not our guys. meanwhile, you guys are not closer to identifying the two we're really looking for. we need to release the pictures. >> we'll have zero control. if we play over our head we may force these guys to react. >> gentlemen, right now boston is working against us.
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normally you have a murder, no one rats. we don't got that problem because in this city when it comes to terrorism, everyone wants to talk. you have a lot of people talking but they're talking about the wrong people. release the photos of these guys, trust me, you have to let boston start working for us. >> i understand boston but i can't just snap my fingers. this decision goes all the way up to the attorney general. >> then give me his number. i'll call him right now! this is my city, rick! release the damn pictures! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: john, thanks so much for being here. >> you're welcome. >> stephen: "patriots day" is in theaters december 21st! john goodman, everybody! back with denee benton! ♪ ( cheers and applause ) yep, got the exact doll she wanted. no, no, no, be right home. ♪
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(squirrel screeching, birds chirping) (squirrel chittering) hey! hey! (tires screeching) hey! is this yours? yes. thank you! happy holidays. (vo) the real magic of the holidays is when we all give a little more. (man) thank you! ♪ well, if you want to sing out, sing out ♪ ♪ and if you want to be free, be free ♪ ♪ 'cause there's a million things to be ♪ ♪ you know that there are ♪ and if you want to be me, be me ♪ ♪ and if you want to be you, be you ♪
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( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody! my next guest is a talented actress, who is making her broadway debut in "natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812"! please welcome denee benton! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: hey! hi! >> stephen: welcome on the show! >> thank you. thanks for having me. >> stephen: broadway debut! yes! >> stephen: wow! ( cheers and applause ) let me put this in broadway terms, are you feeling like lilting ballad of gratitude, or show stopping number of joy?
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>> i think i'm a lilting >> stephen: how did you end up in this business in the first place? >> i was like a theater kid in the suburbs that liked musicals. >> stephen: what was your first musical. >> the first musical i saw on prod bea was wicked. >> stephen: did you have to beg to be taken? >> my parents -- i, like, listened to it every single where we went and my mom accidentally sat on it and broke the c.d. >> stephen: wow. pretty passive aggressive, mom. >> yeah, but then they brought me up. i think they have been planning it for a while, because they were so excited and knew i loved theater. my mom and i dressed up and went to chinatown and got nice purses
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and we were ready to do it. sat to say, i was the person who sang along the entire time. >> stephen: so if i were sitting in front of you the entire musical, you were singing behind me. >> , yes. >> stephen: did they tell you to shush? >> there was a woman who complimented my voice and i realized she was being fantastic at the time. >> stephen: what did she say? he was, like, ma'am, your daughter has a beautiful voice. and i realized she was probably passive like my mom sitting on my c.d. but i had an incredible time and cried the whole time and i just loved it. >> stephen: the great comet -- "natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812", which is an excerpt of "war and peace." >> yes, which is why it's a long title. >> stephen: okay.
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it's longer than the title of "war and peace." >> yes. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you play natasha. mm-hmm. >> stephen: and this is an example of post-"hamilton" casting is that you're an african-american woman being cast as a member of russian nobility in 1812. how did that come about and what does that mean to you? >> oh, man, if we talk about what it means to me, we could be here all night. >> stephen: i'm here all night anyway. >> oh, good. i auditioned for it like any other audition process. they were going to do it regionally in boston. >> stephen: mm-hmm. but, yeah, i feel like right now especially in our current social climate it's really incredible to have stories where people are being able to tell stories based on their essences. and me being a dark-skinned woman with natural hair being the center of this love story, growing up i didn't see that often. there was a teenager, a black
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girl, and she came to see our show and was talking to the choreographer about my performance. she said i really have to bring my 6-year-old sister on the show. denee was a princess up there. i didn't know we could be princesses. i we want because i remember what that felt like. artists and people in entertainment, we have such incredible power to remind people of their worth and help people dream big, so it's exciting to be a part of that. ( applause ) >> stephen: well, the show has gotten incredible reviews. the "new york times" loved it. they compared it to "hamilton." they said they liked it more than "hamilton." how long before mike pence shows up? ( laughter ) >> you know, i think we're safe. it still is, like, a russian classic. >> stephen: yeah? it's classic as it gets.
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so i think maybe mike would like us a little more. >> stephen: what is the great comet of 1812? was there a comet? >> yeah, i don't know if it was 1812 but there was a big comet that happened soon after napoleon marched and took russia. >> stephen: so some thought it was a portier of doom. >> yes, but for peter, it made him feel like something was bigger than him. >> stephen: this is the first moment you have been on a talk show? >> yes ( applause ) >> stephen: i understand when you were younger you used to pretend to be on talk shows. >> no, never! >> stephen: that's what they say here. ( laughter ) when you did that when you were younger, the interview, how did you imagine this would end? >> it was a lot of head-back and laughter, arms flapping. >> stephen: we'll do head back
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and laughter, all right? "natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812" is on broadway now! denee benton, everybody! we'll be right back! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ nothseafood celebration.self" like red lobster's holiday so try new dishes like the new grand seafood feast, and the new wild-caught lobster & shrimp trio, with a lobster mac-and-cheese topped lobster tail. come treat yourself to feast fit for the season before it ends.
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school lunch can be difficult. cafeteria chaos. one little struggle... can lead to one monumental mishap. not with ziploc easy open tabs. because life needs ziploc. sc johnson.
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but so we don't have tormin wad to get clean. charmin ultra soft gets you clean without the wasteful wadding. it has comfort cushions you can see that are softer... ...and more absorbent, and you can use up to 4 times less. enjoy the go with charmin. ♪ luke!? these as well. amy. it's been years! oh, you smell the same. meet my wife and my kids. oh you guys are so good-looking... and impeccably dressed. thanks. it's all old navy. you sending off some last minute gifts? i miss us. you know? you should go to old navy. the entire store is up to 60% off right now. that's an amazing idea.
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okay, i think i'll go there. get out of here. i don't know what that is. i'm just scratching my eyes.
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>> stephen: and now, here performing "peace," please welcome nine-time grammy award winner norah jones! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ there's a place that i know, where the sycamores grow and ♪ daffodils have their fun where the cares of the day seem to ♪ slowly fade away in the glow of the evening sun peace, when ♪ the day is done ♪ if i go there real late, let my mind meditate on everything ♪ to be done ♪ if i search deep inside, let my conscience be my guide then ♪ the answers are sure to come
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don't have to worry none ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when you find peace of mind, leave your worries behind don't ♪ say that it can't be done with
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a new point of view, life's true ♪ meaning comes to you and the freedom you seek is won peace is ♪ for everyone peace is for everyone peace is for ♪ everyone everyone peace is for ♪ everyone ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: her album, "day breaks" is available now! norah jones everybody! we'll be right back.
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do not use if you are allergic to taltz. before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. including worsening of symptoms. serious allergic reactions can occur. now's your chance at completely clear skin. just ask your doctor about taltz.
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>> stephen: that's it for the late show. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be mark wahlberg, lee daniels and musical guest miranda lambert. now stick around for james corden and his guests, chris pratt and olivia munn. goodnight! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ captioning sponsored by cbs
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captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show

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