tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS September 14, 2017 11:35pm-12:38am EDT
well. captioning sponsored by cbs >> so you can say what you want, but that's the way it is. ( questions ) >> did i hear you right, sir, you said there was hatred and violence on both sides? >> well, i do think there's blame, yes. i think there's blame on both sides. you look at, you look at both sides, i think there's blame on both sides. and i have no doubt about it. and you don't have any doubt about it, either. >> wow, i did not expect that. >> yeah, i wonder if he understands what we do. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes: john dickerson. michael rapaport. and musical guest grizzly bear. featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert!
( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey! thank you so much! have a seat, everybody! you're very kind. thank you so much. well, folks, welcome to the "late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano playing in background ) i'm excited about our guest tonight. our first guest tonight is our good friend, john dickerson from "face the nation," the nation- face himself, will be out here in just a minute to talk about the news of the week. ( cheers and applause ) level-headed, fair. ( applause ) well, before we begin tonight, i want to take a moment to send our thoughts to the people of barcelona, spain, who suffered a horrific attack today.
a vehicle drove into a crowd in that city, killing at least 12 people and injuring dozens more. this is a heart-breaking reminder that evil is real and that the united states is not alone in fighting it. i also want to note that, today, this afternoon, president trump said the right thing, tweeting: "the united states condemns the terror attack in barcelona, spain, and will do whatever is necessary to help. be tough and strong, we love you!" thank you, sir. simple. dignified. presidential. ( applause ) that's what you want. that's what you hope for. that's all you can ask. he's right, we love you, spain. and i was sincerely happy to see that kind of moral leadership from our president... for about 45 minutes. ( laughter ) because-- ( laughter ) then he tweeted: "study what general pershing of the united states did to terrorists when caught. there was no more radical
islamic terror for 35 years!" ( laughter ) what, what the-- ( laughter ) who the huh? what? see, this-- what's going on? well, there's a story about general pershing, american general who fought muslim insurgents in the philippines about a century ago. trump likes telling this story about how pershing executed muslim prisoners of war. >> he took 50 bullets, and he dipped them in pigs' blood. and they shot 49 of those people, and the 50th person, he said, "you go back to your people, and you tell them what happened." and for 25 years, there wasn't a problem. >> stephen: that is a dark story. no wonder his kids turned out the way they did. ( laughter ) "and then the big bad wolf slaughtered two of the three little pigs, and he told the third one, you, piggy, you go
back to the sty and you tell your buddies, no more brick houses. ( laughter ) huh-uh. no more. don't do it." >> jon: don't do it. stay away. ( piano riff ) >> stephen: "good night, eric." ( laughter ) any one of 'em. any one of 'em. trump's point is, we got to be tough, like we used to. but here's one problem with that: the story is not true. it's been called, "a poorly sourced yarn." poorly sourced yarn, by the way, also what ivanka uses in her clothing line. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey! >> stephen: i think, right? >> jon: hey! >> stephen: you're very nice. one historian said, "this story is a fabrication and has long been discredited. i am amazed it is still making the rounds." if it wasn't for our president, a lot of things wouldn't be making the rounds.
"okay, all, right, listen up: this is how general patton stopped the nazis at the battle of miami, okay? so, there at miami beach-- fabulous hotels-- he sneaks into hitler's cabana, dressed as a babysitter. named brenda, i think. ( laughter ) then, he told them-- okay, they said to him, don't forget to put the turkey in the microwave. when they come home, the turkey is in the bassinet. eva braun freaks out. hitler shoots himself in the bunker. true story." ( laughter ) so-- we check him out? is that a true story? okay, so-- we'll fact-check that. ( laughter ) so, this story is complete nonsense. however, one thing about general pershing that is true is this quote of his: "a competent leader can get efficient service from poor troops, while on the contrary, an incapable leader can demoralize the best of troops." did he say anything? ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) yay! yeah.
( cheers and applause ) huge. we always have a lot of general pershing fans in the audience. ( laughter ) and, trump has had a lot of problems with history this week. mainly, how he'll be remembered by it, but also, with defending the confederacy. and this morning, he doubled down, tweeting, "sad to see the history and culture of our great country being ripped apart with the removal of our beautiful statues and monuments. you, dot-dot-dot... ...dot-dot-dot, can't change history, but you can learn from it. robert e. lee, stonewall jackson-- who's next, washington, jefferson? so foolish! also, dot-dot-dot... ...dot-dot-dot, the beauty that is being taken out of our cities, towns and parks will be greatly missed and never able to be comparably replaced!" never. never to be replaced.
>> jon: never. >> stephen: kind of like respect for the presidency. it's gone. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: ♪ oh ♪ oh ( piano riff ) >> stephen: but the president has a point-- a dumb point, but a point. we can't lose the beauty of things like this actual statue of confederate general and k.k.k. grand wizard nathan bedford forest! apparently, the klan was founded by skirt-wearing nutcrackers riding wet lizards. ( laughter ) and look where the general is pointing the gun. now we know why the south lost. come on with me, men! bang, bang, bang! bang, bang! who shot you? who shot you? damn you yankees! damn you! charge! ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter )
this show's like watching a ken burns documentary. ( laughter ) now, obviously trump is a fan of these statues because he's a civil war buff. he even has a plaque by a water hazard on one of his virginia golf courses with an inscription reading, "many great american soldiers, both of the north and south, died at this spot. the casualties were so great that the water would turn red and thus became known as 'the river of blood.'" by the way, the river of blood is also how steven bannon commutes to work. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) just, a guy poles him... ( playing "row, row, row your boat" ) ( laughter )
he gives the boatman the coins from his eyes first and then he takes him across. ( laughter ) but when asked about this famous battle, the "river of blood" battle, okay? the executive director of the local historical preservation group said, "no. uh-uh, no way. nothing like that ever happened there." ( laughter ) not yet. ( laughter ) give trump some time. but it does prove that trump likes civil war monuments so much, he doesn't even care if they're real! "on this spot in 1960... 1800- whatever, abraham lincoln karate-chopped his way into fort sumter, where he was shot by ted cruz's dad. very sad. there was violence-- the point is, there was violence on many sides, many sides. that's breaking and entering. ted cruz's dad was right, stand your ground. stand your ground, abe." and comparing robert e. lee to george washington and thomas
jefferson is just willful dummyness. no one is denying that those presidents had slaves. washington and jefferson have monuments, not because of the slaves, but because they fought the british, founded the country and wrote the declaration of independence. we have statues of robert e. lee because he chose to secede and fight for slavery. that's all you know about general lee. that and the fact that he had the "dukes of hazzard" car named after him. ( laughter ) or, was he named after the car? ( laughter ) we may never know, because we've erased our heritage. ( laughter ) >> jon: oh, wow, yeah. heritage all the way gone. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) >> stephen: so, removing confederate statutes isn't about denying that slavery happened. it's about not celebrating the people who fought to keep it going. that's why we remember the "titanic," but we don't erect a monument to the iceberg. ( laughter and applause )
>> jon: yeah! yeah! you don't need that! >> stephen: although, thanks to donald trump pulling out of the paris climate accords, soon all icebergs will need a memorial. ( laughter ) so, to the detriment of his own agenda, trump is leaning in to his defense of these white supremacists. why? well, according to one white house advisor, "trump would rather have people calling him racist than say he backed down the minute he was wrong." oh, oh, then let me help. you're a racist. ( cheers and applause ) that's what he wanted! that's what he wanted! i'm giving the man-- i'm helping, jon! i'm trying to help! >> jon: give 'em what he wants! give the man what he wants! support him, tell him what he needs to know! >> stephen: support him! ( cheers and applause ) and you back down when you are wrong. ( laughter ) naturally, people are asking what happened to that new chief
of staff that was going to keep him in line, four-star general and guy watching the interrogation from behind the mirror, john kelly. ( laughter ) some people think it's already over for john kelly. according to one white house adviser, "the kelly era was a bright, shining interlude between failed attempts to right the trump presidency, and it has now come to a close after a short but glorious run." what? how can the john kelly era already be over? give me this, okay? the "time" magazine with his face on it is still on our office coffee table! ( laughter ) see? look, it says "trump's last best hope," dated august 21, 2017-- ( applause ) ( piano riff ) that's-- august-- that's-- that's four days from now! that's four days from now, and he's gone! ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) kelly's time ended before it
began. he's some sort of time traveler. ( laughter ) now he just needs to get back into his delorean and go back to a happier time for him, like when he was fighting in iraq. ( laughter ) so, since it is the end, let us take a moment now, and take a fond look back at the john kelly era. >> after weeks of turmoil, general kelly helps to bring discipline to the west wing. >> anthony scaramucci is out. >> that white house is a real dump. >> trump hitting his lowest approval rating. >> taking to twitter to slam congress. >> the president begins his 17-day vacation. >> i think john kelly has made an impact. >> you can look at the number of tweets, they've dropped dramatically. >> any hopes that recent white house shakeups might tame president trump's use of twitter are being proved false. >> the president threatens north korea. >> fire and fury. >> donald trump's newest political target is mitch mcconnell. >> president trump tonight
praising vladimir putin. >> i want to thank him because we're trying to cut down on payroll. >> military solutions locked and loaded. >> many sides. >> i think the president needs to call it for what it is. it's evil. >> racism is evil. >> finally! >> there is blame on both sides. >> wow, that was something else. >> general kelly, brought in as chief of staff to right the ship. how is that going so far? >> george washington was a slave owner. was george washington a slave owner? so will george washington-- ♪ hello darkness my old friend ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: we've got a great show for you tonight. john dickerson is here! stick around! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) hello moto. it's time to reimagine the smartphone.
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( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: jon batiste and "stay human," everybody! give it up for the band there! thank you! ( cheers and applause ) jon, happy thursday. happy thursday, jon. >> jon: happy thursday. >> stephen: everybody having a happy thursday out there? ( cheers and applause ) good for you. me, too, because my first guest tonight is cbs chief washington correspondent and the anchor of "face the nation." please welcome john dickerson. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> good to see you. >> stephen: all right. hey! >> hi. >> stephen: nice to see you again. >> it's good to be back.
>> stephen: what a sad and strange week this has been, hasn't it? >> yeah. >> stephen: truly unnerving at times. >> destabilizing. i mean, it was destabilizing in charlottesville on saturday, and then the more we learned on sunday, and now, in the reaction to the president's remarks, you've had more of that destabilization. >> stephen: let's talk about tuesday. the president's impromptu press conference in the lobby of trump tower, was there to talk about infrastructure but it quickly fell into talking about, equivocating between the resisters to the fascist elements and the people who were marching under the nazi flag. >> right. >> stephen: which was shocking for a lot of people. you've studied the presidents. you're a student of history, you've covered politics for a long time, have you ever seen anything like that before? >> no. and because, here's the difference. normally, presidents come into these moments and they lift the country up. they are the release valve for the pressure. they do a moral stacking. they take these disturbing events, and they explain to the country what's happened, and
they give some comfort. in this case, the president was there, and it was clear he wanted to fight out these issues. one was that there were left- wing protesters, which there were. but that wasn't the key point. the key point is that the protesters there, the neo-nazis are antithetical to everything america stands for, and he's the leader of america. so his fixation on the question of the left-wing protesters overshadowed that, and that led to conflict and fights and people speaking out afterwards. when his role really as president is to release that pressure, it created more. >> stephen: well, the reports are that he felt good after that press conference. he might be the only person, other than david duke, other than his buddy david duke, who actually felt good after that. ( laughter ) why do you think-- do you believe those reports? are those credible reports? >> well, i don't know. it's always-- you don't ever want to try to get into somebody else's head, i think, and there's a lot of that. but i think you can imagine because you know a couple of things. one, he doesn't like to think
he's forced into doing something. he believes what he believes in, and he doesn't want to be told to do, fulfill a certain role. >> stephen: so on saturday when he emphasized, "many sides, many sides," and then monday, he came out there and gave that rote statement which, reports are that it was prepared for him, that was arm-twisting on behalf of his staff? >> i think he felt that he'd done the work he needed to do on saturday. that he had condemned these groups, and that also he had pointed out what he wanted to, the ad-lib was that there were others contributing to this violence. and that was clearly something that was on his mind, and he repeated it again on tuesday. he had a point to make, and it was sticking in his craw. you could see by the emotion that he had. he, he called out the racists, but the thrust of his remarks was that he was passionate about making this point, the left wing was still involved. that's a smaller point. >> stephen: but more than saying the left wing was still involved, he also said that there were "good people" protesting the night before. and when you look at those photos, it's people with torches, people with nazi insignia.
and i think one of the things most shocking to everybody is that a president of the united states would say anyone who would march under a nazi banner, whoever they are, whatever your intention is, once you get to the event and you know it's organized by neo-nazis, why do you stay? >> as newt gingrich said, good people don't march with nazis. they also were chanting "jews will not replace us." ( applause ) >> stephen: by the way, "good people do not march with nazis" is the easiest clap line in the world. ( laughter ) why didn't trump use it? he loves people to applaud for him. >> this is one other extraordinary thing about both saturday and tuesday. this is the easiest thing in the world for a president to do, which is to denounce-- >> stephen: it's a layup. >> there's not a sports metaphor to capture how easy this is. ( laughter ) because-- >> stephen: it's teeing off from inside the cup. >> but this-- ( laughter ) ( applause )
but this is important, obviously, because these ideas are directly in opposition to the country that he leads. but secondarily, he obviously has some political difficulty here. people have associated him with these groups, david duke is saying they are marching in his name. so he could have looked into the camera and said, i not only denounce what you believe in, but anybody out there who is going to vote for me because you think i believe in these things, i don't want your vote, i don't want anything that you represent, and i think that you should go back to where you came from. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: didn't bob dole do that? >> you, you're exactly right. there is a tradition in the republican party. bob dole did it, george herbert walker bush did it, ronald reagan did it. where they said this explicit thing, not in response to an event, but just in the hint or chance that somebody would sign up for their campaigns who had these views. and bob dole said it in 1996, and he said, there's the exit, i don't want your votes, i don't want anything to do with you. and they did this unprompted, as opposed to, after an event like this when the nation turns to a
president and seeks some kind of guidance, particularly on this moral plane. i mean, that's the job you sign up for. it has that moral component. as f.d.r. said, it's primarily a job of moral leadership. >> stephen: that's the job of the statesman president. that is the dignity that makes receiving a medal from this man, or the honor of being with him, is captured with that behavior, he has to manifest that. >> right, you have to tend those fires, as a president. it's part of the job, that you have to know that this is part of your job, and often what it requires is-- i mean, he clearly wanted to make an argument about his point of view. often as president-- all the time as president, you have to sublimate yourself. you have to-- and that-- >> stephen: that is not his strength. ( laughter ) >> l.b.j. used to say that being president is like being a jackass in a hail storm. sometimes you just have to stand there and take it. and what he meant was, that there are indignities to the job, or there are times where you want to-- it's like a marriage: if you want to argue
this until the last point, you may win, or you may continue that argument, but there's a cost. so sometimes you have to say, i have this point of view and i want to get it across but, you know what? i'm not going to, because there is this larger obligation my job has, and that obligation is one i have to pay attention to more than even this point that i want to argue that may in fact be right. but you just-- there's a cost to it. >> stephen: we've got to take a little break here, but when we come back, can we talk about the president's stability? okay, stick around for that. we'll be right back with more john dickerson. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ♪ ♪
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back. we're here with our friend john dickerson. people say that after 17, 18 days on the job, or whatever it is, that things may be over for john kelly. do you think that's-- or, rather, his control is slipping. >> well, we may have overstated the "control" thing in the first instance. i mean, this is a little bit of
a problem in the way we cover white houses, and this one in particular, is that always a lot of, like, "oh, everything's changed because it's a new guy." the job of chief of staff is incredibly hard under any circumstance, and under this with an improvisational president it's been particularly hard. so, so-- ( laughter ) >> stephen: i like "improvisational president." >> well, you know, this-- >> stephen: "can i have a location i shouldn't go and a way i'll end the world? thank you." ( piano riff ) ( laughter ) >> you know, but, the reason it's so tough for chiefs of staff is presidents come in after winning a campaign and they've beaten the world. they are the expert at getting elected. and it's basically on instinct, and particularly this president who has such a gut connection with his supporters. and so when your chief of staff says don't do this, because there's this huge thing that's now attached to you, you say, no, i know what i'm doing. and so that's a tension any president faces, and this one in particularly faces it. so, it's a hard, hard, hard job under any circumstances, and probably hard to kind of bring this white house back into line given everything we've seen. and seeing the fact people freelance-- they walk in to the
president, they talk to him when they want to, they get on the phone with reporters when they want to. so he's got a tough job. >> stephen: speaking of tough jobs, i should have done this earlier. would you like a cocktail before going any further? >> yes is always-- >> stephen: i just poured myself one. if you'd like just a little-- >> i'm worried the questions are going to get that much harder. >> stephen: no, no, no! it's just, this week, people are saying-- cheers... >> cheers. >> stephen: to america. >> to your health. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: people are saying-- ( cheers and applause ) people are saying that this week is, something changed. many people are saying something changed in the presidency, maybe the public, certainly, the republican party's relationship with donald trump. like two roads diverged in a wood and he certainly took the one less traveled by. >> right. >> stephen: you know, that he shouldn't have taken. do you think this is really a breaking point, or an opportunity for a breaking point, with the republican party
and their president? >> well, you've seen-- on thursday, bob corker, the chairman of the senate foreign relations committee, he is not a hot head, he doesn't jump on and make incendiary comments just out of the blue. he's not a usual suspect, in terms of a trump critic. he in fact has been golfing with him. and he said, the president, there are questions about his stability and that he needed to do some deep introspection. this was not just with respect to this question of what happened in charlottesville. this was about his entire ability and capacity in the job. again, this is not somebody who makes sort of outlandish comments as a matter of course. and so, he is raising the question that's always been raised, always, about the president, which is this question of temperament. does a man of impulses which-- and those impulses have served him very well in life and as a candidate-- know how to fit those into a presidency? which is a job that, every president who goes through it, is about constraints. it's about constraining your impulses and knowing how to. and corker, senator corker of tennessee, rendered this verdict and that feels very different. in response to this moment we're in, that feels different.
>> stephen: unstable, or questioned his stability? >> questioned his stability. >> stephen: his stability, that means mental stability. so he's questioning whether the man with the nuclear launch codes is necessarily stable. >> that's what-- well, that's what senator corker said, yeah. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> stephen: we've got to go here but before we do, as a student of history and somebody who's studied the presidents, and as a southerner and someone from virginia and someone who went to u.v.a., what do you think of the comparison of washington and lee that the president is making? do you think that is on any firm ground? >> well, they were both-- i mean, on the slavery, there is a comparison between the two, but the difference is that general
washington founded the country. he was and did everything as that first president, because he knew everybody was watching him as he founded the country, and laid the cornerstone for the country and what he did beforehand in fighting the revolution but also then the way he behaved in office. and, so, by contrast, general lee-- who, at west point, they don't even call him general lee when he went there because he was a general of the confederacy-- was in open rebellion of that thing that washington built. and for the purposes of keeping institution that's part of america's original sin. they're not comparable at all. and so, that's the way i feel about that comparison. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: watch "face the nation" sundays on cbs. john dickerson, everybody! we'll be right back with michael rapaport. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing )
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( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back! my next guest is an actor, director and popular podcast host. you know him from "boston public," "justified" and insulting your favorite sports team. please welcome michael rapaport! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) good to see you. come on up! i like that entrance! i like this! i like this! >> i'm here with my people! it's new york! >> stephen: i love it. i love anybody who walks in, like, this is my crew! >> i like it. >> stephen: it's great. now, you've got a new book here. you've got a new book here. >> yes. >> stephen: it is called-- what is it called? >> it's right there! read it, steve, come on. >> stephen: well, it's not on the back or on my card. you read it! what's the name of your book? >> "this book has balls: sports
rants from the m.v.p. of talking trash." it's coming out in october. it's a thing of beauty. ( laughter ) >> stephen: is this your first book? >> it's my first book. ( applause ) >> stephen: congratulations. >> thanks. >> stephen: that's a huge milestone. >> yeah, i'm very proud of it. it was, it was a challenge, especially the way i grew up here in new york city. public school education failed me. >> stephen: really? >> so this is a big deal. >> stephen: do you think public school kids should read your book? >> absolutely. >> stephen: it should be part of the curricula of new york city schools? >> trust me, if i can write a book, anybody can. ( laughter ) >> stephen: this is a story of hope. now, i understand you wanted to be a basketball player yourself? >> yes, i did. >> stephen: what happened? why not? >> just being slow and jewish. you know, it just got... ( laughter ) it just got the best of me. >> stephen: that had something to do with it. >> that has a lot to do with it, stephen. let's call it what it is. okay, we don't have to be politically correct. there's no slow jews in the n.b.a., n.f.l., n.h.l., m.l.b., european soccer, european "d" league soccer... porn. i mean, there's just-- ( laughter ) >> stephen: don't say there's no jews in porn! >> i'm just saying, we're good at a lot of things-- >> stephen: you can actually look down there and tell whether
they're jewish! you know! ( laughter ) well, as someone who's talked a lot of trash, you're very good at it. would you be willing for us right now to talk a little trash about, like, white nationalists or white supremacists or nazis? because the president needs a little training on how to-- >> oh, yeah. >> stephen: how to properly attack these people. >> he needs a lot of training. >> stephen: he needs a little training... ( cheers and applause ) the floor is yours. >> well, i would call them tiki torch carrying, abercrombie & fitch t-shirt wearing, hipster, skinny jean punks, rats, like the greats-- bob de niro's birthday, mutts, dogs. scumbags, can i say that on cbs? >> stephen: yeah, you can. you can say scumbags. >> you can say scumbags! >> stephen: yeah. >> more than once? >> stephen: twice. >> just don't use the context of it. >> stephen: don't explain what it means. >> it's been a crazy week, with jared kushner. what does he do? he's the "special advisor" for the president?
>> stephen: yeah. >> what kind of advice is he giving him? what kind of advice is he giving him? ( cheers and applause ) what-- what-- what is-- let me tell you something, jared kushner, because you know, when it came out, it came out, his rabbi tweeted that he wants his bar mitzvah paperwork back. they don't want any association with him anymore. >> stephen: you can do that? >> oh, you can do that! for him, you can. we're going to make a special-- we're going to be special advice on him. i want to meet him. i want to sit down and have a bagel, cream cheese and lox with him. >> stephen: with jared? >> with jared, yeah. >> stephen: he watches. jared, you hear that? michael rappaport wants to talk to you. >> is he a mute? have you ever heard him talk? >> stephen: no, i've never... >> special adviser of what? he's a joke, man, he's a joke. i can't believe he can look himself in the mirror before shabbat dinner and not say anything, when they're saying "heil" my father-in-law. he's a joke. you know, i noticed your ears. you've got weird ears. one of the things that happened-- ( laughter ) no, i'm only saying that-- no, because-- >> stephen: no, it's fine. it's fine. i'm not sensitive about it... at all.
>> no, look at my ear. the reason i brought it up, look at my ear. >> stephen: let me look at your freaky ear. >> look at my ear. that got bit off in a fight. >> stephen: wha...? ( gags ) >> yeah, you could do that. i wouldn't just say you have-- ( stephen gagging ) i wouldn't just say you have weird ears for no reason. ( stephen gagging ) >> stephen: what's with your ear again? what happened to your ear? >> i got into a little street altercation. >> stephen: what, you got into a fight? >> i got into a fight. i was on top of the guy. and my arms got clasped underneath him. we were very close. and, and, and he bit-- >> stephen: what were you doing? how did you get on top of this guy, and why-- >> i was winning the fight. i can say that-- i was winning the fight! >> stephen: how did the fight start, michael rapaport? >> this is street stuff in 1989. who cares, that's not the point. >> stephen: how old were you in 1989? >> what, are you calling me old, steve? >> stephen: i'm asking you how old you were in 1989. how old are you now? >> i was 19. i was 19. >> stephen: ( bleep ). >> i'm sorry! what, are you saying i'm older than i look? yo, that's messed up, man. >> stephen: well, it's your
( bleep )-up ear that makes you look old. ( laughter and applause ) i'm sorry. how old are you, though? >> i'm-- how old do i look? >> stephen: 62. ( laughter ) >> that's crazy, man! >> stephen: you've got to use sunscreen, man. you've got to use sunscreen. >> get the heck outta-- i sleep with sunscreen on, trust me. >> stephen: do you sleep with sunscreen on? >> yeah, absolutely. i know what the sun can do-- >> stephen: you sleep during the day? >> at night, i put on sunscreen. >> stephen: at night, you put on sunscreen. >> i brush my teeth and put on sunscreen. look at me, i'm, like, see- through colors. >> stephen: okay. >> but what do we got to do to get trump on here? bring him in to new york, where the people-- >> stephen: i had him on here. it's disappointing. >> you had him on here? ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah, he wouldn't make eye contact with me. he sat like a ten-year-old boy who thought he was in trouble, with his hands on his lap. he wouldn't look at me. >> before he was president or after? >> stephen: before. >> so the giblet wasn't there. >> stephen: no... >> because i think that's where he's hiding all his secrets, in that turkey neck. you notice? no, you notice when-- ( stephen gobbles ) you notice when he goes away? ( stephen gobbles ) do you notice, when he goes away on his golf trips, he never brings luggage? i think he stuffs everything in that giblet. ( laughter ) >> stephen: like a pelican. >> yeah. >> stephen: like a pelican.
>> i can't stand him. >> stephen: eh, he's okay. he seems okay to me. >> the people of new york-- ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now, listen, hold on one second. now, you've got a show called "atypical" on netflix, right? >> yes. >> stephen: okay, go. >> "atypical," netflix, the great jennifer jason lee... >> stephen: oh, i love her! >> she's great. >> stephen: she's amazing. >> she's an icon. she's the best. >> stephen: did you ever see the after-school special, "the best little girl in the world?" >> yes. >> stephen: amazing. >> "fast times at ridgemont high," "rush," iconic actress. >> stephen: yeah. >> one of the problems of working with jennifer jason lee is the song, the jackson brown song. >> stephen: ♪ running on empty >> no. ♪ you got to be somebody's baby she lost her virginity to that in "fast times at ridgemont high." so, every day on the set... ( laughter ) >> stephen: she was acting, michael. >> she was acting! ( laughter ) in the movie! >> stephen: she was acting. >> it was in the film. >> stephen: her character. >> her character lost her virginity-- >> stephen: exactly. >> to the song: ♪ you got to be somebody's baby >> stephen: isn't this great? >> ♪ you must be somebody's... so, every time i'm doing scenes with her, i'm like...
♪ you got to be-- but i'm trying to learn my lines. >> stephen: don't do that! >> i'm trying to be professional. >> stephen: do you sing it out loud to her? >> i've never even told her this. i was too ashamed. and, every day... >> stephen: well, now she knows! this is horrifying for all of us. >> well, it's a hit show now, so it's okay. >> stephen: and it's going to be a hit book. the book is called "this book has balls." the series is called "atypical." the man is called michael rapaport, everybody. he can dunk! we'll be right back with a performance by grizzly bear!
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0-to-60 in 3.3 seconds. the mercedes-amg e63 s sedan. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the "late show." the last time i saw my musical guest tonight, we were on a warship on the hudson. it's been five years since their latest album. here performing "mourning sound," grizzly bear! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ i made a mistake
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, man. thank you. thanks so much. thanks again. their album, "painted ruins," is out now. grizzly bear, everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) 60% of women are wearing the wrong size pad and can experience leaks discover always my fit. find the number that's right for your flow and panty size on the top of any always pack. the better the fit, the better it protects. always. you'busted tail.rd. and impressed the boss. maybe, it's time to be your own.
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