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tv   Lockup Holman  MSNBC  December 31, 2011 5:00pm-6:00pm PST

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due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. >> america's prisons, dangerous, often deadly. there are 2 million people doing time. every day is a battle to survive and to maintain order. located in the deep south, holman correctional facility where most are serving life sentences. we spent months documenting life on the inside where prisoners have nothing but time and nothing to lose. >> this is "lockup: hole man --
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expended stay." holman is more than 170 men who have been sentenced to death and are awaiting execution. >> my role is the execution. i push out seven syringes. >> roughly 360 more are serving life sentences without the possibility of parole. >> but there are times when i wake up and think about dying in prison. and that's a bitter pill to swallow. >> all are living with the inevitable. >> i watched a lot of people die here, you know. hardly nobody leaves. >> but their only chance of getting out of prison will be inside a coffin. fur inmates serving lengthy sentences, one day merges into the next, weeks into months,
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months into years. and a lifetime slips away. the challenge for these men is to find meaning in their lives and not surrender to hopelessness and despair. ♪ baby butterfly ♪ while your hands are dying ♪ and you spread your wings before it's time ♪ ♪ baby butterfly ♪ to survive ♪ only 17 ♪ yeah ♪ when she lost her life >> this musical duo spends every hour either writing, rehearsing, or performing, and music for them has become a life line. ♪ baby butterfly >> i like that. i like that. >> you like the vibe? >> uh-huh. >> i wish we could track it, though, man, like beatles sound. you know what i'm saying? >> there's going to be a [ bleep ] hit, man. >> this is going to be good. >> this is going to be a [ bleep ] hit, man. >> it's out from the madness. the music is an exit.
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i can get lost in my music. it's comforting. >> i'm serving life without parole for robbery, first degree. i've been in prison 15 years. ♪ open the streets of the club ♪ looking for danger ♪ and every thug smiled at her >> what the hell is this? >> we grew up together on the street. he's from my hood. he's from birmingham. >> our paths crossed in this prison, and something good has been coming from it ever since. i'm a crip. and i'm going to be one for the rest of my life. i'm going to die a crip. because when i came in to it, i had to spill blood to get in it. >> anthony's fierce loyalty to his gang almost cost him his life.
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>> when i was booked into the county jail, they put me in a block with some of the guys i got into it with on the street. i'm banging in the county trying to survive and got stabbed in the eye with an ink pen. >> i call him the pirate. >> this patch, it's not me, you know what i'm saying? it may look like, damn, you're tough [ bleep ] but we're good guys. i've got to be real, whatever it is. >> you know what i'm saying? talking about my home girl. i've been writing about it in this song. >> my little home girl, she was a kripette, but she was on cocaine, and she was supposed to turn a trick with a guy for $20. and she walked. and she refused to do it and he cut her throat. [ bleep ]. so i gave it some deep thought and i came up with the song, "baby butterfly." it's going to be a masterpiece. hopefully we can continue to stay focused and positive, we can make it happen when we get home. >> the harsh reality that anthony is serving life without parole hasn't dampered his dream to record his music. >> i'm going to make you scream tonight, boy. you're going to like it tonight, boy.
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>> there are times i wake up thinking about dying in prison and sometimes, yeah, it gets me down like damn, what if a judge don't reconsider? what if i have to spend the rest of my life in prison? and that's a bitter pill to swallow. i focus on my music, man. because if i don't go there, it's going to turn violent. >> when it's time to do our thing, we're going to do our thing. this whole environment is about making it. it is something real harsh, i have nine felonies, and if i was to stab a dude in here or catch assault or maybe even kill him, it's over with for me. >> we need to finish this track, man. let me get a thing for the coffee. >> but this is it, man. this is the crib. >> you have to find a secluded area, man, and it's hard because this is an open bay. it's almost impossible to find a place of solitude. not only is it hard for us to write the music, it's hard for us to stay focused because you have so many people in our heads, so much noise, so much
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bull [ bleep ]. >> the tv crew is loud. >> need to go somewhere. tv crew too loud. we can't concentrate. >> we ain't gonna be able to get work done in no tv room. >> rehearsal space is hard to come by inside prison walls. with no privacy in the dorms, anthony and eric have to make do. >> it's our little secret closet, man. we drag out a little coffee, smoke cigarettes and stuff, man, we just come up with whatever sound good. whatever sounds good. >> smoke a little weed if we can. ♪ baby butterfly ♪ out in the streets and the clubs looking for danger ♪ ♪ she reaching up and no one understands ♪ ♪ life ain't always what it seems ♪ ♪ so many unanswered questions and shattered dreams ♪ >> no, it's not right. >> you're the rapper, man. >> hold up. it's all in a hard day's work, people. i can reach you. i can touch you through song.
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i can touch your heart, uplift you, make you feel my struggle. you can identify with my struggle, i think i've done it justice, i think i've done good. ♪ and when i get out ♪ i'll right all my wrongs ♪ when i get back home ♪ i've got to get back home >> i've got to get back home. they're feeling me, man. >> their concert may have been a hit, but this is still prison where a momentary lack of self-control can have lasting consequences as anthony patterson is about to find out. >> anthony patterson has been placed in seg for rule violation number 38.
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allegedly this happened about an hour or so ago. we'll go back in and have a talk with him and see what's going on and see what happen and what led to this incident. >> patterson is asked to explain his behavior to the officers and our producer. the object of his alleged indiscretion. >> what happened? >> dude, somehow weed in my pocket, joint in my pocket. he said i was masturbating. did you ever see me masturbate? >> i didn't see anything. >> it's not what she saw. >> so basically accused me of rule 38. that's indecent exposure. if that was indecent exposure, that means you saw me. >> no. that means she saw it. >> she didn't see it. he saw it. >> he locked me up. >> you had your penis out indecently exposed. come on, man, you've been in prison too long. >> that's right. >> now, take him on up there. >> all right. next on "lockup: extended
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stay." >> all of a sudden, all hell breaks loose. >> for inmate anthony patterson, the nightmare of ad seg is just beginning. >> they got me in this little cell. it's so hot in here, right? i don't know how long i'm going to be in here. plus -- >> my first instinct is to put the telephone cord around the neck and choke it. >> an inmate describes his brutal night of murder 24 years ago. >> i can't control myself. i ended up strangling her and stomping her with my fists and my feet. need to teach her how to walk. she is taking up valuable cart space. aren't you, honey? [ male announcer ] it's our biggest clearance event of the year where our prices are even lower. save money. live better. walmart.
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come here. come on now.
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>> many inmates serving life without parole must create a home inside holman, and meeting at the prison barbershop offers a refuge for inmates like sherman moore. >> i didn't know you were from there. >> what the barbershop does for me, it relaxes me, gives me an opportunity to talk to people and relate to people and understand things that i thought i already knew. >> what do you think about voting me the sexiest player in the basketball league? >> do you think it was a disservice? >> i've been in prison 25 years and i haven't been called sexy in a long time. >> sexy has been around as long as you have. >> it's a learning experience every day when you come to the barbershop. because it's like psychology, being a bartender. people always bring their problems to the barbershop. it's more of an opportunity to relate, communicate than it is to get a haircut.
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>> i have a capital murder charge. my intention was to burglarize, forceable entry into someone's home. in the process i took a life. >> moore's downward spiral began after his wife left him when she was pregnant with their second child. >> in the back of my mind, i'm thinking no matter what it takes, whatever happens, that i'm going to pursue, get my wife back home. >> in his frenzied state, obsessed with getting his wife back, moore planned a robbery at a family friend's home. >> it's after midnight. i drive up in her driveway. i get there. the dog is barking. the house is dark. i knew where the bedroom was. the light was on. i woke her up. she was in shock because it's late at night, time of the morning. after midnight. she had some questions. what do you want this time of night? what do you want? i said i need your help. she said, i can't help you. i can't help you. i said i need your help real bad, and i know you have the money.
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i just need you to support me. and she said, i can't give you that kind of money. i don't have that kind of money. i said, i know you have it. >> this is a picture of my mother and i when i was just a young boy. >> bill starns, the son of sherman moore's victim, remembers the night of the murder as if it were yesterday. >> it was june the 4th of '83. my ex-neighbor called me and told me there was some activity at the home. and that i might better get up there. >> as she reached for the telephone, as she reached for the telephone, and my first impression was that she was calling for the police and i immediately panicked. i grabbed the telephone cord and my first instinct was really to put the telephone cord around her neck and choke her but i don't. i can't control myself. i ended up strangling her and stomping her with my fists and feet. >> he beat her to death with his hands and feet.
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>> and before i knew it, i heard a wheezing sound, and i said, lord, i killed her. she's not breathing. so i rushed up out of the house, grabbed the pocketbook, i get the pocketbook, and i leave. >> i could not find the car keys or her purse. >> i go to the bank and i go through the drive-thru in my own car. i go through the drive-thru window and write a check out for something like $150. >> sherman ray moore was at the bank window trying to cash a check from my mother. >> the bank teller alerted police, who picked up moore at a nearby hotel a few hours later. >> put me in the police car, take me to the county jail, read me my rights, tell me what i'm charged with. they tell me i'm charged with capital murder. you're going to get the electric chair. we're going to kill you for taking a life of some woman, a white woman. you're going to pay for it. >> moore was sentenced to life without parole and spared the death penalty. his victim's son got a chance to confront him. >> i told him he could rot in
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jail as far as i could care less. >> with no chance of ever getting out, moore developed a reputation for extreme violence. >> i immediately adapted to prison survival. i entered holman in 1984. don't befriend nobody. don't trust nobody. only trust your knife. i had three stabbing cases, multiple fights. i had this attitude, probably for like 16 or 17 years out of 24 years that i've been in prison. i've done at least 15 in segregation, and i was like living in a dead end until my daughter gave me a wakeup call and told me how much i meant to her, how much i meant to my family and how much she needed me. this is my daughter, my heart, my reason for living. so i decided to do something for my daughter, do something for my children, my whole family. >> with a new outlook, moore began attending church and in
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2004 after a few years of good behavior, he was allowed to move into holman's faith-based honor dorm. >> i want a second opportunity to live. i want to change my way of thinking. living out here, as you can see, is a whole lot different than living in the population inside the dorms. you have access to go outside, come and go, pretty much, as you please. it's all about accountability and responsibility. >> after moving into the honor dorm and with a renewed sense of purpose, moore was inspired to make amends to bill starns. >> i said i know what i'm going to do to change this. i'm going to write a letter to my victim. i took his mother's life. i'm going to ask him to forgive me. >> he's very lonely and expresses his sympathy toward me and my family and what he did. >> then one day moore called bill starns on the telephone. >> well, i didn't know what to think or what to say. i just -- i got upset, and i just handed the phone to my wife, and she finished the conversation. >> after calling bill starns, sherman moore continued to contact him. >> lately he has written me a
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couple of letters. he's even asked me to get in contact with the warden and ask for his release. but i just feel like if you commit the crime, you should do the time. i just can't bring myself to go about that procedure. it was a bad day in mine and my family's life. i'm sorry he has to stay in prison for what he did, you know, but that's just the way it is. next, on "lockup: extended stay." >> it happened eight years ago on february 24th, 1999. >> sherman moore comes face to face with the mother of someone else's victim. >> i can't say i understand how you feel, but i can understand your loss. it really shook me up. there's no justifiable reason to take a life.
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for inmates living in the honor dorm, there are many programs available. professor swanson at the university of west florida teaches and empathy class to inmates to help them better understand the devastating impact of their violent crimes. >> it's right for every human being, no matter where they are or where they're destined, that they have the opportunity to be accountable for what they did, to understand what they did, why they did it. and for many of the men who are lifers, making things right just means changing their behavior in here. okay. so we're going go over to the gate now. >> although these men may never meet the families of their victims, today they will hear firsthand how violent crime can shatter lives. >> well, this afternoon we're really honored to have pat with
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us and she is a surviving victim of a really horrible crime. her daughter was murdered eight years ago, and she is going to tell you her story. she'll tell you what happened and how it affected her and her family. >> i have to stand and move around. my name is pat. i didn't know how i'd feel about being here today. i had a lot of anger and a lot of sadness, and i look at all of you, i have to almost think as i'm facing the man who murdered my daughter. this is a photo of peyton. it happened eight years ago on february 24th, 1999. and someone had broken into her apartment and there all of his rage came out. and i thought, how did she feel? how much terror gripped her? she fought. she fought very hard. and he left her tied up.
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and he left. and peyton was able to escape and freed herself, and she was almost downstairs, and he came back in the house, and there she was tortured. he finally decided to cut her wroel wrists off so she couldn't fight him anymore, and she was sexually assaulted numerous times, and then she was stabbed 17 times. the man who killed her is serving a life sentence without parole. we're not supposed to bury our babies. the day i saw her in her casket, her body was cold. she didn't have a smile on her face, and i told her over and over how much i loved her. because the day she was born i told her i would always protect her. and guess what? i lied. i lied. i felt like it was my fault. i stayed in bed for two months. my other daughter didn't have a mom anymore. i had to get up out of my bed, and i didn't want to. people started calling me, and i
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thought i've got to find out why peyton died so this doesn't happen. and that's the journey that's brought me here today. life is a precious gift. for all of us. you don't dump all that rage onto someone else. i don't have hate in my heart. what i have is compassion in my heart, and i have faith and hope that because i've come here today that maybe one of you will reach out to someone in your life to give them hope. what happened here today was unexpected for me, totally unexpected. i came here thinking i might unleash my rage and my anger, but what i found, i found what else i can do to try to make a difference. >> i'd like to say thank you. your strength is overwhelming. your love for your daughter and
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your ability that you have to try to make a difference in the world today. we love you. >> i, myself, am in prison for taking a life. i can't say i understand how you feel, but i can understand your loss because i'm dealing with that every day. >> i feel your pain. it affected me. it really shook me up. i wish every man had an opportunity to really know how their victim felt. >> we never see the victim. coming into this prison, you -- we never see the face of the victim. i know this is tough, but it helps us see the reality of what we've done, and it can't do anything but good. thank you. >> you never know where healing is going to come from. i truly feel some of them have
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sorrow for the crimes they've committed. you've all given me courage today and hope. i feel that i've made an impact. i felt like i connected with a number of the men here today. i had to do this for myself. >> it has taught me, enabled me to grow. i've taken a life. to confront my victim, listening and talking to you, has been able to help me understand the effect, the impact i had on life. so god bless you and be strong. there is no reason. there's no justifiable reason to take a life. next on "lockup: extended stay." >> i wish i could get with eric. i miss my partner.
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i haven't been able to write my music. >> anthony faces an uncertain future in ad seg. >> i miss doing music with him, too. we used to collaborate. i guess i make his stuff sound better. >> and back in general population, his writing partner, eric, feels lost without him. >> got me feeling crazy. i feel bad. we're like brothers. we do everything together. oh it's clearance time! yeah, our low prices are even lower. we need to teach her how to walk. she is taking up valuable cart space. aren't you, honey? [ male announcer ] it's our biggest clearance event of the year where our prices are even lower. save money. live better. walmart.
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i'm melissa rehberger. mitt romney is leading with 24%. ron paul with 22%, rick santorum with 15%. the results in the final two days show a marked surge for rick santorum. and in texas a u.s. service member was detained by the fbi after trying to go through a checkpoint with explosives in his carry-on baggage. now back to "lockup." due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised.
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>> this is a rooster here. i got the whole thing cultivated and tried to pull the grass up and keep it fresh and looking good. it's just real nice. right now they're at their peak this time of the year. it brings butterflies around. being locked up, we are able to keep butterflies and bees and stuff like that. it just gives you something nice to come outside to look at instead of just the barbed wires all the time. i love flowers because my mother raised me up like always digging up in her yard and planting flowers. it stuck with me right there. these make me feel good about myself even though i'm incarcerated that i'm still doing some of the things i enjoy doing. flowers are a sign of life. got such a good smell to it. i just love that. >> life on the inside can change in an instant.
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♪ and you spread your wings >> when we last saw anthony patterson, his musical corroboration was suddenly interrupted by an apparent bad decision, directed at our producer. >> he accused me of rule 38, that's indecent exposure. >> she didn't see it. he saw it. >> he locked me up. >> you had your penis out indecently exposed. using it for smlg something other thannure nating. >> i was coming back up on "d" side, i observed patterson masturbating on you, after you were standing there talking to him five minutes earlier. you don't have to see him. anyone could have seen him. officer johnson saw it. officer mcrory saw it, so that being the case, he would have initiated this action. it just so happened in the process of searching and shaking him, he had the joint and marijuana in his pocket.
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>> so now what? >> he'll be placed in ad segregation and then we'll have a hearing, a disciplinary hearing for both charges. he will either be found guilty and given sanctions or found not guilty and released back to pop. >> another day in seg? >> another day in seg. >> meanwhile, anthony's writing partner eric just got word of the incident. >> what happened with your writing partner? music partner? >> oh, guys are telling me that you know your homeboy going to jail, your partner? right? i'm like what? they got me feeling crazy. i feel bad. that's my partner. we're like brothers. we do everything together. i won't see him for the next six, seven, eight months maybe before he gets back to population. if he sends a letter through to other inmates who are being
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released from segregation, then they'll bring the letter -- we call them scribes. he'll bring the scribe to me, and i'll read it, i'll address it and then i'll have to wait until someone from population is going to segregation, take him the letter that i wrote. i miss doing music with him too. we just collaborate, and i guess i just make his stuff sound better. ♪ since i've been gone >> when we get together, music just comes, you know what i'm saying? >> eric struggles to cope in general population. and back in ad seg, the isolation is clearly taking its toll on anthony. >> well, right now i don't really know what's going on.
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i can't put the puzzle together because i don't know why it happened, and it happened so fast, you know what i'm saying? things were going good for me, and then all of a sudden all hell breaks loose. they have me in this little bitty ass cell. it's so hot in here, right. i don't know how long i'm going to be in here. >> in ad seg inmates are housed in their cells 23 hours a day. men here spend their days with limited human contact. >> this is the dead. i mean, to me this is a big cemetery. and right now i don't need that in my life. this happened at a messed up time. to be cut off from society, i mean the population, trying to put everything together. the pieces do not fit together right now. i wish i could get with eric. i miss my partner. i haven't been able to write my music. i mean i've been able to write, but i've been stagnant because that's how we collaborate
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together. when i come out of this cell, i'm going to have at least five or ten new songs. some dealing with the emotional stress that i'm under, some positive. i think i have more negative than positive songs due to the heat, me wanting to be free. there's just so much going through my mind right now. i've got to put it on paper. i don't have nobody to talk to, listen to me write. i'm going to put it in song, hoping somebody will buy my cds and we'll be able to do big things. right? i mean i've got to put it in song at this point because what more can i do? coming up -- >> got me on the negative vibe right now. kind of feeling down and out. >> we check back in with anthony a week later and find that isolation is wearing him down. >> i look out the window, and
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there's death row right there, you know what i e-mail saying. i'm mentally doing something with my mind. looking at it for what it is, you know. that's deep. guys right there. i got my home boy over there. plus -- >> my role is the execution. >> a look at the only operating execution chamber in the state of alabama. >> by statute in the state of alabama, the warden at this facility is responsible for carrying out that duty. oh it's clearance time! yeah, our low prices are even lower. we need to teach her how to walk. she is taking up valuable cart space. aren't you, honey? [ male announcer ] it's our biggest clearance event
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of the year where our prices are even lower. save money. live better. walmart.
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about half the inmate population at holman will never leave. and more than 170 men will meet their fate here in holman's death chamber where all executions for the state of alabama are carried out. in 2002 the facility switched from the electric chair to lethal injection. >> this is the control room, the process of carrying out the executions basically happens here. there's the drug concoction. during this process while administering the drug i'm able to have a visual of the condemned on the stretcher. i push all seven syringes, three actual drugs, but seven total syringes. my role is the execution. i can't be any more specific about that. i mean that's what the role is. by statute in the state of
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alabama, the warden at this facility is responsible for carrying out that duty. holman's barbershop is the perfect place for an inmate to get a cut, offer advice, or just gossip. but when there's an execution, talks take on a more sommer tone. >> i saw an execution yesterday. i couldn't see in the room when they brought him out. the dude's body was so heavy, man, that black body bag on, man, he looked like he was tall. the family of the victim, the doctor, the nurse, seen all them come in. i was like [ bleep ]. damn. i was scared, petrified. it's a sad occasion. >> all executions occur at 6:00 p.m. on that day, the prison goes
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under lockdown, restricting any movement. >> the death row inmate would be escortsed into the cell. there is no property allowed in the cell. everything he would have had in his cell would have been confiscated. if he needs to use the phone, we will allow him to use the phone. his mail is brought to him. he has an opportunity to read it. passes it back out. last year we did one. i think the year before that we probably did three or four. this door leads us into the execution chamber. we actually have three viewing rooms. of course, this is the gurney. on the left he has his witnesses and the news media, and then on the right are the victim's witnesses. he's escorted in, basically sits down, a team of people strap him down on to the gurney. and his arms are placed here. on the day of execution i will come through that door.o the gu.
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and his arms are placed here. on the day of execution i will come through that dootyo the gu. and his arms are placed here. on the day of execution i will come through that dooo the gurn. and his arms are placed here. on the day of execution i will come through that door. i will come around to this area and basically face the condemned. we will read the death warrant and offer an opportunity to have any last words. most guys don't say a whole lot. after that, walk back into the control room and prepare to carry out the duties. we communicate with the commissioner's room to ensure that there are no last-minute stays, and then we move forward. we start the process of administering the drugs. it takes approximately 20 to 25 minutes from administering the drugs, bringing the doctors into the room, having them perform an examination, and then actually declaring death. we exit, the execution team takes back over. the body is delivered over to forensics, and that concludes the process.
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>> i don't see how a man can be that cold-blooded inside, man, to kill nobody. i couldn't be at peace with myself. >> a lot of people would not want to take the job at this facility simply because of having to deal with the executions. i generally will silently say a prayer, privately. you kind of push them back. you kind of push them back until it comes to that time, and then you deal with it at that time. >> roughly half the prison's population, whether on death row or serving life without parole, won't see the outside world until the end of their sentence which in most cases means death. >> i'm going to a funeral. we're going to be burying one of our inmates. this fellow we're going to see today died of natural causes. he had been in the prison for quite some time. family members were not able
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financially to be able to get the body for burial or even have a burial spot. as a result of that, the state takes responsibility for whatever inmate it has in custody at that time to bury him, to be able to have a funeral. whether it's a life sentence, life without parole, or even if it's a death sentence, they've accomplished their sentence when they get to this point, and a lot of them in terms of options prefer death as compared to living in prison. >> let's pray. lord, we thank you so much for your blessing, your goodness, and, god, life. and, lord, i pray that we may be able to understand life. lord, our loss with regard is tearful, it's sorrowful. but, lord, we know he's a gain as far as heaven is concerned. >> another part of the job done with the utmost of respect, it's part of the normal life cycle. the man was incarcerated. he was there. the sentence was imposed upon
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him. that's just part of it. >> and though it was tough, though it was hard, though there were probably tragics he left behind him, when he came to know you as lord and savior, lord, we know that things changed. this is one of the aspects that i consider brings about a sense of human dignity to life of incarceration. >> and we just ask and pray that you bless the family, comfort them with your words and comfort them, god, knowing that you are the resurrection and the life. father, we pray all these things in thanks, in jesus' name amen. death is death no matter who you are and as a result of that, like in this case, i think it was freedom. next on "lockup: extended stay" -- >> hey, baby! >> how are you doing?
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>> sherman moore sees his daughter for the first time in more than a year. >> you probably didn't think i was coming, did you? >> i knew you were coming. they told me last night. she means the world to me. she's my reason for not giving up. you know, i was thinking this morning how much that i love my daughter. alk. she is taking up valuable cart space. aren't you, honey? [ male announcer ] it's our biggest clearance event of the year where our prices are even lower. save money. live better. walmart. of the year where our prices are even lower. when bp made a commitment to the gulf, we knew it would take time, but we were determined to see it through. today, while our work continues, i want to update you on the progress: bp has set aside 20 billion dollars to fund economic and environmental recovery. we're paying for all spill- related clean-up costs. and we've established a 500 million dollar fund so independent scientists can study the gulf's wildlife and environment for ten years. thousands of environmental samples from across the gulf
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have been analyzed by independent labs under the direction of the us coast guard. i'm glad to report all beaches and waters are open for everyone to enjoy. and the economy is showing progress with many areas on the gulf coast having their best tourism seasons in years. i was born here, i'm still here and so is bp. we're committed to the gulf for everyone who loves it, and everyone who calls it home.
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for the roughly 360 inmates serving life without parole, knowing they may never leave prison takes its toll. but this hardship is often shared with their family members on the outside. >> today is a very important day. i'm here to visit my father.
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it's wonderful because this is father's day weekend. i'm very excited. i'm very excited. it's going to be a very unique visit. it's been really difficult for both of us, not being able to hold him at least once a month and say, dad, i love you. he's always been incarcerated ever since -- well, before i was born. he's always been here. it's really been a tough experience for myself. but with prayers and the christian background i've come from, i've been able to maintain. >> it's been over a year since we've seen each other. she's my reason for not giving up. continuing to survive, continuing to go forward. i feel not only fortunate, but i feel blessed to have her in my life. hey, babe. hey, dads. how are you doing? >> good. >> miss you. >> it's been too long. >> i know. you look so good. happy father's day. >> thank you, baby.
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>> how have you been? >> i'm great. >> you look good. i thought you would be an old man with gray hair. what's going on? you probably didn't think i was coming, did you? >> i knew you was coming. they told me last night. >> i've been missing you. i really have. i've been missing you. it's tough. he's my inspiration. i just really admire him and look up to him. although he's here, he's still my everything. >> she is my inspiration. she's my motivation. she's my reason for not giving up. the day she told me that she loved me wasn't the first time that she told me, but it was a time in my life when i understand how much she loved me.
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what i have with her is something that i know that a lot of fathers don't have, cherish every moment, and i cherish every moment and we were able to build a bond. she means the world to me. there's nothing i wouldn't do for her. you know, i was thinking this morning -- >> i love you for it. >> how much that i love my daughter. you know, there's no boundaries. there's no limitations. >> i love you. i love you too. when she got ready to leave, it's always the worst time when you have to separate and go your own ways. it's a moment i never forget. >> i love you. >> she told me that she loved me. it goes straight to the heart. bye, baby. sfwhooi, daddy. i love you so much.
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daddy? daddy? i love you. it was kind of tough for me especially having to leave. everything was pretty much emotional. daddy can be very dominant and firm and to the point, but today it was a lot of normal. it was a lot of tears. i love my dad. meanwhile, back in ad seg, it's been nine days since anthony patterson was first charged with indecent exposure and possession of marijuana. >> hoping it all goes good with the music and all. >> how has it affected your writing? >> well, it's kind of got me on
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a negative vibe right now. kind of feeling down and out. all and all, i'm staying focused, right? trying to keep everything in its right perspective. it's hard to be taken out of population that fast and all of a sudden, boom, this happens. i look at this back window here, i look out this window and you can see death row right there. you know what i'm saying? mentally it's doing something to my mind, but, you know, i'm looking at it for what it is. you know what i'm saying? it's deep. down right there. a guy's dying right over there. i have a homeboy over there. there's nobody perfect. i'm not claiming to be perfect. you know what i'm saying? i'm just trying to make it, maintain, god has blessed me with talent. hopefully we can turn a negative into a positive. ♪ trying to make something out of nothing ♪ ♪ trying to make sense of it all ♪ ♪ cause too many years gonna pass me by ♪ ♪ locked up behind prison bars pass me by ♪ ♪ locked up behind prison bars ♪ and it hurts my heart ♪ looking out my window
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♪ i see death row ♪ looking at my home boys i grew up with ♪ ♪ it was like i was cut short ♪ whoever thought they'd live on death row ♪ ♪ they always saying able the first to go ♪ ♪ but i know there's a better place for me ♪ ♪ i know there's a heaven for me ♪ ♪ every day that passes ♪ i step closer to my old [ bleep ] casket ♪ ♪ the madness the madness ♪ ♪ the sadness ♪ let the clock keep ticking now ♪ ♪ i find myself asking how ♪ to die alone a homeless child i feefbt keep it real keep it no frils ♪ ♪ keep it hard core like this concrete, steel, everybody's pushing me ♪ ♪ pushing me man loopz >> it hurts my heart, you know what i'm saying? it hurts my heart.

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