tv My Dad is Pregnant MSNBC December 25, 2012 7:00am-8:00am PST
>> when we were at dinner, we were talking about putting your story up on the blog and what that meant to you. and i even -- even when that happened a couple months ago, it was -- for me it wasn't really a question of if it happened or not. it was more of a question of -- is someone going to validate my experience? am i going to gain more confidence sharing my story? finding out you're pregnant is a life-changing moment for anyone, especially if you're a man.
>> i am about to try to take a pregnancy test. we'll see what happens. you need to leave now. >> what's going on there? >> the baby is going on in there. >> this is the story of an extraordinary couple -- >> i love you. >> -- pushing themselves to extraordinary limits. >> there's that belly. you're having a contraction right now. >> and the ordinary endeavor to raise a family. >> who is this little one? >> this is my son. say hi, miles. you did it, baby. >> i don't think it's natural. >> i'm sorry, i'm seething. >> god created women to be women and men to be men. >> anyone who thinks we are different or strange can go jump off a cliff for all i care.
>> i'm not going to let one person's opinion of me just ruin my family. tom and scott moore have been married for three years. despite their appearances, they were both born as girls. >> growing up i was 100% girl. my mom had me wear my hair down, it was down past my waist. she tried really hard, you know, little strawberry shortcake everything. but on the inside i always knew that i was different. hi. >> i was always kind of the awkward kid.
when i was a lot younger, i didn't even really pay attention to gender or whether i was playing with little boys or little girls. i just kind of thought of everybody as human. >> jessica! >> no. >> and probably when i hit puberty was when i realized something was really wrong. >> jessica and laura each came from traditional families. then jessica became scott and laura became tom. scott and tom, who are now gay men, even though they used to be confused women, met at the local lesbian/gay/bitransgender group and fell in love. scott never had a full sex change operation but tom did. so in the eyes of the law scott, who used to be jessica, was still a woman. but tom, who used to be laura, was now a man which meant scott and tom could get legally married.
with their two adopted sons, gregg and logan, they were now a family. along with two dogs, two cats, a turtle and a puffer fish. their older son, 13-year-old gregg, has a form of autism called asperger's syndrome. >> i have really good balance. yeah, one minute. i'm going to drink this milk and then show you. >> 11-year-old logan has just started middle school. >> what's not normal about my family is i have two dads. kind of makes it weird to go to school and stuff. >> would you say that you have an unusual family? >> nah. maybe a little.
maybe just a little bit. >> tom adopted logan and gregg after a previous relationship with their mother who passed away. the moores were blissfully happy as a family of four, but, like most married couples, scott and tom wanted to make a baby. unlike most male couples, they had the means to do so. >> what's going on there? >> the baby is going on in there. he's about to come out. at first when he suggested having a baby and me carrying it, i didn't even think about it. i automatically just said no. no way. and that's because i always just told myself i can't have kids. get out. but as we started talking about it more, it became a really
quick decision, and i was ready to do it. >> the moores got together in weed, a former lumber mill town near the oregon border. scott still has a healthy female reproductive system. biologically getting pregnant is no different. they just needed a sperm donor. often the biggest problem faced by a pregnant man is other people's judgment. but in their hometown of weed, scott and tom feel safe surrounded by friends who accept them for who they are. >> it's a whale. wow. how cute. >> male pregnancy is a rare
phenomenon and most transgender men who have babies do so secretly. >> when i got pregnant i really didn't want anybody to know. i wanted to pretend that i was just a guy with a big beer belly and hide it from the world, and as i progressed i just kind of came to terms with it and i'm like why do i want to hide it? i want to show the world that i'm proud. >> time to come out. ding-dong. >> the moores are taking the pregnancy in stride, but their happy small town life is about to be ripped apart by a freak accident. 'cause all our states are great. and now is when the gulf gets even better. the beaches and waters couldn't be more beautiful. take a boat ride or just lay in the sun. enjoy the wildlife and natural beauty. and don't forget our amazing seafood. so come to the gulf, you'll have a great time. especially in alabama. you mean mississippi. that's florida. say louisiana or there's no dessert.
>> he needs to be induced immediately. >> there's that belly. >> okay. >> this is this fun apparatus they put on you when you're expecting and it's registering the baby's heart beat. >> the baby is doing fine. the stress test came out great. >> smile. you're having a contraction right now. >> i'm not feeling it. >> there's a good one here, boom. boom. things are moving along. how are you feeling? >> all right.
i never thought this was going to happen, and now that it's time to go home, we're going to have a little person. >> yep. >> i can't believe it. >> after an epidural and a difficult night of labor, baby miles is born on march 9th, 2010, weighing in at 8 pounds, 5 ounces. >> there he is. look at him. here he is. oh, he's camera shy. you did it, baby. >> how do you feel? >> how are you, daddy? >> oh, i am good. >> who is this little one? >> this is my son. look, say hi, miles.
say hi. i am the cutest baby in the universe. >> hi, miles. whoa. >> i really do think that i was lucky to be able to carry miles. i think for the longest time my body and being transgender was a negative thing for me and made me uncomfortable. even though the process of being pregnant and giving birth isn't the most comfortable things, it made me appreciate what i have more and realize that even though it's not the ideal of what i would like to be, that it's still beautiful and has made me a lot more happier with who i am. >> the birth of baby miles has hit the news and attracted some
harsh opinions in the local and even international press. in their small hometown in california, scott and tom seek refuge from the media fallout. but on may 3, 2010, their family became the victims of a freak and almost fatal accident. >> i'm watching tv and not a care, not a real care in the world, and then my dad and dad two started saying there's a fire and to get out. i mean, if they didn't say that, i would have sat there and not noticed the fire at all. >> the fire destroyed their home. >> it was really scary and i was trying not to breathe, having my shirt over my mouth. i ended up getting a little bit of smoke into my lungs. i was coughing and it hurt for about a couple hours.
>> arson, while initially suspected, was eventually ruled out. but with no house insurance, the disaster left them destitute and homeless. they quit their jobs, packed up what was left of their possessions and drove 1,000 miles south to start a new life in las cruces, new mexico, where scott's dad offered to rent them a house. >> no, it's not true. >> four months later the moores are still trying to find their feet in their new surroundings. >> i guess it would be one of
those neighborhoods where nobody knows each other, i guess, unlike back in california where everyone knew everyone. we're pretty much stuck in the hottest place i've ever been in. gregg is not happy here because he's so far away from his friends and his girlfriend. >> it's not a bad place, it's just there's a better -- home is better. >> home? >> california. >> with a sprawling population of 90,000, las cruces sits at the foot of a new mexico mountain range.
also known as the city of crosses, the bible belt town wouldn't be the first place for a gay transgender couple and their children. >> as a family we're not in an ideal place right now. we're not where we want to be. tom doesn't like new mexico. i don't like new mexico. i think for the most part we all just really miss our friends. we miss our grass. we miss our lawn, and we miss everything about home. >> scott's working nights as a caregiver while studying for a psychology degree. tom has taken a job as a satellite tv technician. >> i thought going from a small town to a bigger town would help find acceptance and understanding of our family, but we haven't really found that much acceptance here.
>> no hitting in the head, gregory. >> i was just getting you off of me. >> do you think it's more difficult for a family like yours to fit into a new place? >> oh, yeah. i mean, most of our neighbors think scott and i are brothers. absolutely 110%, and neither of us have set them straight. >> keeping their unusual family situation under wraps may be easy now but the moores are about to make a decision that will make it impossible to hide. likes 50% more cash. but i'm upping my game. do you want a candy cane? yes! do you want the puppy? yes! do you want a tricycle? yes! do you want 50 percent more cash? no! ♪ festive. [ male announcer ] the capital one cash rewards card gives you 1% cash back on every purchase plus a 50% annual bonus on the cash you earn. it's the card for people who like more cash. what's in your wallet?
♪ ♪ jingle bells jingle all the way jingle bells jingle all the way oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh ♪ scott and tom moore move their house to new mexico after a devastating house fire. >> -- in the parking lot. >> awesome. >> thank you, lord, for the food we are about to receive.
amen. >> now can you slow down and do it right? >> thank you oh, lord for this food we are about to receive and the bounty, our lord, amen. >> moving back to california is a long-term goal but it's one we're going to have to be strategic about. we can't be just like we're sick of it here, let's pack up our stuff and go. >> scott's mom's here and scott's dad is here. i mean, although the people that we love back home are not here, family is important to us. >> for scott, being a pregnant man in their small hometown of weed, california, was easy. here in new mexico, they're forced to be more secretive about where baby miles came from. but now the moores are about to make their bravest decision yet. >> we walk the trails out behind scott's mom's house and just popped off with i really think i
want to have another one. and i remember i had to sit down. i was like, what? because from the very beginning he was like, i'll have one, one only, and i'm done. three is enough. >> choosing the right time for a new baby is always tricky. but for a transgender man, timing is everything. >> i mean, honestly, i would say if you were a biological woman, then i would say, let's wait a year. let's let miles get a little bit more mature before we make another one. but i don't want you off your hormones forever because it is affecting you as a person and your emotions and your physical needs, so in that case, i would just prefer to get it done. >> do you think it's going to bring on any more negative press? >> oh, most definitely. it was really our choice that it got out. the story wasn't something that we were looking for, but once it did happen, we knew that we were
going to have negative feedback from people. if i went around every day my whole life doing only what i thought everybody would agree with, i'd be the most miserable human being in the universe. >> it's the morning of thanksgiving at scott's mother's house. the moore family are trying their best to forget the reality and stresses of living in new mexico. >> anyone who thinks that we are different or strange can go jump off a cliff for all i care. >> i mean, i know it might be hard but just because i'm transgender doesn't change since i've had a baby. that's not constantly all i think about. i don't think about how different i am.
>> too much of our time in life is focused on negative things. and i think when you focus on the negative, you're giving the negative the power because it's these memories that kids will hold with them forever. >> you're missing the this and the that. >> being transgendered can put enormous pressure on family relationships. although scott's parents are separated, his dad's popped in briefly to say hello before dinner. >> my dad is kind of like -- it's just like an awkward communication gap there, i guess. i have to go to work tonight. >> you do? >> yes. >> scott thinks of himself as a
man and wants to live as a man. i am totally willing to address him as scott even though it's difficult to say that. it would be a whole lot easier if he changed his name to jesse than to something totally different. so that was hard to get to call him a totally different name, but i'm more of a realist. he still has all the organs of a female. so he lives as a man but he's still biologically a female. that's the way i see him. >> you smell so good. >> scott's mom has fully embraced his transition, but it wasn't easy. >> i did a lot of soul-searching on this, so now i'm just revisiting it.
i feel like i went through i don't know how many stages there are of grief, like if someone dies because she was an adorable, adorable little girl. >> oh. don't cry. you always make me cry when you cry. >> sorry. i haven't talked about it in a long time. >> yeah. >> the guilty stage. i was like, what did i do? what could i have done differently in raising you and i remember even thinking, you know, this is kind of funny but not funny. i breast-fed you for two years. >> and you thought that might have had something to do with it? >> because people were like, you know, i think he's ready to drink from a sippy cup. >> no, i don't know. >> as a mother of teenagers, you
talk with other moms and they brag about how well their kids are doing and it was like, how do you say, you know, my son is actually -- my daughter is actually my son, but then i thought i want scott to be happy. >> tom's family weren't so accepting of his sex change. this year has been especially hard for him since he recently lost his mother. >> it's just really hard because my mom spent so much time finding me becoming myself that we lost time being together and being close. when we were able to get beyond the fact i was no longer her daughter and was now the son, there wasn't enough time. >> i love you. >> i love you, too.
>> i think it's cool scott has a family that supports him. that's the other thing that's hard being around your mom and your dad. you don't always get along with your dad but your dad loves you whether you're gay, straight, trans or pregnant man. i love you and i'll do what i can to help you however i can. and my dad does not recognize that i exist anymore. >> yeah. >> despite their doubts, scott has decided that if he's going to have another baby now is the time. his clock is ticking. .. a body at rest tends to stay at rest... while a body in motion tends to stay in motion. staying active can actually ease arthritis symptoms. but if you have arthritis, staying active can be difficult. prescription celebrex can help relieve arthritis pain so your body can stay in motion. because just one 200mg celebrex a day can provide 24 hour relief for many with arthritis pain and inflammation.
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hope for peace. and u.s. troops in afghanistan are making merry today with a special christmas lunch. all the best to those in uniform. transgender couple scott and tom moore are now about to try for another baby in las cruces, new mexico. they even found a local midwife, cammi shaw, who specializes in female-to-male transsexuals. tom can't produce sperm so they need to find a sperm donor. scott still has a vagina and working reproductive system. increasing the chance of conception through artificial insemination. >> what we do is put the sperm inside. it goes right in here, this goes
inside and then it sits -- it's like a suction cup and it sits up against the uterus so the cervix would be centrally located. our agenda here is to keep the sperm as close to the cervix as possible to increase the chances for conception. the last thing i can imagine a transman having a baby would have to endure is somebody referring to him with female pronouns and female body parts as though he wasn't man at all. >> i remember when you asked me what do you prefer to be called and i had never been asked that question before. >> the other transmen i work with don't want to be reminded that they have female parts.
and so it's a real sensitive question to be able to ask and refer to them the way that they want their bodies to be referred to as. >> in terms of talking about a pregnancy, i can handle the word ovary or like uterus because it's medical. >> i'll put pronouns in front of them, like your man ovaries. based on the idea of sensitivity, it really -- i'm not doing anything different for them really than i'm doing for anyone else except my language. >> it'll now be at least two weeks before scott can know for sure whether their insemination efforts have succeeded. >> you didn't tell me anything.
>> most transgender men take testosterone once a week. >> i've been taking testosterone for ten years, so since 2000. i just go for the meaty part here. you get used to it, i think. >> you just put that whole needle right in your arm? >> mm-hmm. >> in order to conceive, scott has stopped his male hormones, it means the pressure is on to get pregnant. going without testosterone is causing his beard to grow thinner and his voice is pitched higher. >> it was difficult for me because i had the female puberty when i was a teenager and i went on hormones, i had a second puberty and then i came off the hormones and i had another puberty and then i got pregnant
and had all the pregnancy hormones so my body was just, you know, i was a roller coaster ride. >> for a transgender man, the most stressful part of being in a woman's body is having breasts. they both had mastectomies. >> i didn't want to see them. to see them would make me cry. the process of binding is toxic. it got to the point where it caused gangrene and so when i did have my breasts removed it was a massive mastectomy. i lost my nipples, i wasn't able to have those rebuilt. but to the same extent it saved my life.
we can live without the &. visit sprint.com/drive. after attracting notoriety of a pregnant man in california, scott moore was about to do it again. this time in bible belt, new mexico. but the moores' attempts for another baby must fit in with everything else a normal family of five has to cope with. >> you need to clean your room. what happened? >> 13-year-old gregg needs special attention because of his asperger's so they're careful to make sure logan doesn't feel overlooked.
>> when he starts acting a little low, then i get concerned, so a little one-on-one time, even if it's just running errands, makes a huge difference. i think it is hard because gregg does have special needs and so even at school he's got more one-on-one care and after school care. >> i love you. >> today tom's taking logan to the barber. >> let's go get a haircut. >> what kind of haircut, do you think? >> i don't know. >> whatever dad makes him get. >> yeah. >> are you sure? >> i'm okay with you keeping some length on the top and the front but i want that off. >> connecting with strangers in new communities is something most transgender parents find difficult. >> do you think boys should have short hair? >> yeah. it's like one of those things boys have short hair, girls have long hair. i don't get the whole long hair on a guy thing.
look at you. you look so good. >> unlike their former hometown of weed, las cruces, new mexico, would not be described as open or accepting. >> first today i have to make sure it's okay with my pastor and once he gives me the okay then i go talk to a girl, her pastor and her dad to make sure it's all right, it's okay to start dating. >> what religion is that? >> we're christian denomination called cedar hills tabernacle. >> i've been by there. >> really? you are welcome anytime to go visit.
>> it seems tom was right not to discuss his family situation with the barber. where do you want to go? >> i'm not so for homosexuality, god is not mad at the people but that there is homosexuality. >> so you think it's not a good thing? >> i don't think it's a good thing at all. it's horrible to see especially in the public or around young kids. it's a bad influence on them. >> what would you say if i said that the man's hair you just cut is a gay parent and that kid has two gay dads? >> i'm willing to work with them, whatever, as long as no crazy thing goes on. >> the other thing is they're transgenders, they used to be women. >> really? i would have never guessed that part. that's crazy.
i don't know what to say to that part. no, i mean, hey, that's his business. it's not the way it's supposed to be, of course, but can't do anything about it now. he's so far into it. it's a man's decision that he made, the woman, whatever. whatever he is. his decision. may god be with him, i say. >> worryingly for scott and tom, members of another church hold similar views. >> if they came to us before having a child, i would advise them not to. i would say there are things in their life that need to change, that need to be brought within the conformity of scripture. >> god created women to be women and men to be men. based on christian values it's not the right thing to do. >> i think it's not god's choice nor should it be the church's choice.
however, it's better than to have a child on the street nobody is taking care of. >> that type of decision that someone would make would be on par with adultery or lying or any other sin. >> like most transsexuals, tom would argue their transition from one gender to another was unavoidable. >> i choose to be harassed, i choose to be called names, i choose to be different. no. you don't make a choice. it's simply who you are. and it's not an easy life. i've stopped trying to figure out what people think. if you spent -- it doesn't matter gay, straight, bi, white, black, purple, if you spent your time trying to figure out what people think or worrying about what people think, you'd go
crazy. you'd go absolutely crazy. >> the following day there's an unexpected phone call from gregg and logan's school. in a session with a teacher gregg innocently mentioned for the first time that one of his two dads had recently given birth. >> come here. you're angry with me, i know. i know. >> the teacher assumed that on top of his asperger's gregg was delusional and suggested to tom that he may not be right for the school. tom said it led to an argument. >> i'm sorry, i was seething. >> i've never seen you drink a beer before, tom. >> i try not to. >> did you say a really bad thing today? >> in the confusion that followed, tom believed both boys had been removed from the school. the school believed that it had been tom who asked for his sons to be removed.
>> you need to remember it's not your fault, okay? >> i want to go to school tomorrow. i want to be with my friends and my teachers. >> how do you go from him being a wonderful student and everybody loves him to he's not fit for the school because you find out some extra details? you know, it's not us that's the problem. it's the people that don't understand us. >> they didn't say anything to logan or gregg, we had to let them know that today was their last day of school and they didn't get a chance to say good-bye to anybody or to have any knowledge of what was going on at all until they got home. >> everything is going to be okay, okay? >> we'll work it out and it will be better in the end because if the school feels that way, they're not very nice. >> we don't want you going there.
>> the teacher is very nice. >> yeah, you have some nice teachers. >> i miss them. >> it's okay to miss them. it's okay to cry, too. >> still under the impression that it was the school who excluded the boys, the moores are insisting on seeking legal advice. >> we need to find an attorney now. >> everyone says i'll call you back in a few days. i tried a lot of people. >> move out of here? >> out of where? >> out of this house, this city preferably, the state would be fine. >> we cannot run away from a place every time we have a problem. we have to fight. logan, if this has happened to
still reeling with the dispute with greg and logan's school. >> i'm tired. >> having been up every night with miles who's teething, tom is now at the end of his rope. >> why do i have to get in the middle? it's not fair. >> in an attempt to destress, they're taking the kids on a family day to the desert. >> hey, greg. go get my zoom, would you? >> wow. >> i seek out isolated areas where we don't have to be around people because then we don't have to be -- we don't have to pretend we're not something we are. >> food, before we go to your mother's. >> okay. but it's already 2:00. >> never mind. i'll go to the store and grab stuff for sandwiches. >> no, that's fine.
i don't care. >> i'm telling you i have to go to work. >> the double pressures with dealing with the boys' school and trying to get pregnant is taking a toll on their own relationship. >> you know what? i'll walk. i don't care. i'm so done with your drama today. never can do anything. it's always got to be drama. >> stop, please. >> no, i'm not going to stop for a minute. i haven't slept in five days. five days, scott. >> stop yelling at me. >> no, i'm just done with today with you. >> okay. then be done.
>> later that day, tom's beginning to realize the enormity of their decision to get pregnant outside of a safe environment. >> this is not my idea of a day off. >> you've had a nice trip out. >> that's true, but scott was in a really bad mood and the school proved all of his fears correct. >> so it's hit scott badly. >> yeah, it has. now he's even more terrified because he's like, what if i am pregnant, you know. he's definitely going through it right now. i don't know how to really make it better for him either. >> although the school makes it clear that they don't discriminate, tom's not yet ready to accept this. >> i'm not going to let one person's opinion of me just ruin my family. >> it's nearly two weeks since scott's insemination and he's
decided that today's the day to take a pregnancy test. >> chances are it's going to be negative and that doesn't mean that i'm not, you know. it just means i did it too early and i wasn't patient enough. >> why aren't you doing it with tom? >> because i want to surprise tom. last time when we took the test and it was positive, he was here, and so we like, you know, but i kind of want to wait till he comes home and be like, we need to talk, you know, make him think he's in trouble and then tell him, you know. you need to leave now. can i ask you something? >> mm-hmm. >> just to see if i'm crazy? do you see an extremely, extremely faint line going down? where's the light? i think it's positive. i don't know. it's probably like so faint because it's so early.
but i think there's another line there. you saw it, right? yeah? >> in spite of everything, scott and tom are still determined to extend their family. >> so i took a pregnancy test. actually i took three pregnancy tests today, and it's not for sure yet, but i might be pregnant. and if you look at it, because we did it -- i did it so early, like really, really, really early, but you could see like a really, really faint line. >> okay. >> can you see it? >> yeah. >> you can? >> so i'm not crazy? >> yeah, you're not crazy. >> okay. >> wow. >> i still don't want to get my hopes up.
>> what do you think? >> i think your dad's going to kill us. >> yeah? it will be worth it though. but it's not for sure positive. it's most likely positive. >> are you ready for this again? >> i know it's like ding, round two. >> we need a bigger car. >> are you ready to be a pregnant man again? >> it's not about being a pregnant man. it's not like -- i don't wake up in the morning and think, oh, yeah, great day to be a pregnant man, you know. like it's just -- it's just life, you know, and it's not --