tv Lockup Orange County MSNBC December 21, 2013 8:00pm-9:01pm PST
due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. in jail for less than half an hour, one inmate launches a near fatal attack. >> i was trying my best to kill him. kind of like willing him to die. a father accused of murdering his daughter admits to keeping her corpse with him for two years. >> the bible says heal the sick, cast out demons, and raise the dead.
jesus was raised from the dead. a lot of people were. that is kind of the basis of christianity. and a female inmate keeps a grim secret from her two best friends. >> i just don't want them to stop talking to me, stop caring for me. i don't want them to think i'm that person. i'm not that person. ♪ >> you've got to show me where to go. >> oh, you've never been to jail before? >> no, i haven't.
>> oh, yeah. i believe that one. >> every week 1,200 men and women are arrested and booked into the orange county jail in southern california. some will be released within hours. others could be here for years, until their charges are resolved in court, but they always begin their time at the intake center located at the central jail facility. >> orange county jail system is considered a mega jail. we have the ability to house over 7,000 inmates at one time. and the challenges we face pretty much reflect, to a certain degree, the challenges the community faces with gang affiliations, with drug abuse, mental problems, issues that would be better served in hospitals but given the current situation they end up in jails. >> since the new arrivals' charges might range from minor infractions to murder, deputies must be vigilant to ensure
safety. >> the uncuffing process is probably the most dangerous. because that's where if they're going to do something to us, they'll do it then. once they're uncuffed they have an opportunity to attack us if they want to. so -- it's a lot of judging on our behalf to see where they're at, if they're going to try anything or not. >> brian james came through intake less than 24 hours ago. after a wild night on the streets. >> my charges are robbery, assaulting a police officer with a vehicle, resisting arrest, possibly home invasion for breaking into houses trying to get away. i left my 12-year-old daughter out there again. i got a letter from her before i paroled my last term that said if you blow it again, i'm never going to write you, i'm not
going to take any of your calls. you'll be out of my life. >> with two prior felony convictions, james knew these latest charges could put him in prison for life under california's three strikes law. >> it's something to be able to palpably feel the moment in your life when you're [ bleep ] done. when you know it. when literally nothing you do after that point really makes much of a difference. >> with nothing less to lose, james turned intake into a crime scene. he did make a large splash when he landed here. he got information about another inmate who was in the cell that he was in and basically he attempted to murder the man. >> i've been here probably 15 minutes. i went to the first spot where they take your name and ask you medical questions, and then i'm
in a holding tank, spending my last few minutes looking at my street clothes, pair of green shorts and t-shirt. and a pair of my converse shoes. i put black laces in them because i thought it looked better that way. really, i feel like crying. that's all i want to do, but you know, i don't, i can't. i see the older guys actually doing that. i'm trying to look out for them. like, hey, you really shouldn't do that, because not everybody in here is really -- not everybody in here is that nice and people are going to see that and consider you weak and take advantage of it. you know, do that when you're alone if you have to. i was asking, you know, it can't be that bad. how long you going to be in here, you got like a drunk driving? he's like it's pretty bad, i got sexual battery. i was like, what? i'm like, wow.
like you do, huh? that's cool. i'm gonna just kick it here for a minute, gather my thoughts. >> those thoughts quickly turned very dark. james decided to become the man's worst nightmare. >> that was the worst possible time he could have been sitting next to me. i've done enough stuff for a [ bleep ] up reason, might as well do something for a good reason. so i'm thinking to myself, what's the quickest, most effective way i can -- keeping it real, what's the quickest, most effective way i can kill this guy because he's a pervert, he's a creep, that could have been your daughter, could have been -- so the best thing i come up with is shoelaces. took my shoelaces, doubled them up and tried to strangle him with it. that was a moment in time where
i didn't -- i had nothing left to lose. >> james choked the man to the point of unconsciousness before deputies broke it up. the victim was rushed to a hospital. afterwards, however, james thoughts were not with the victim. they were with his 12-year-old daughter. >> i would like to say to my daughter, emily, i love you, sweetie, and i'm sorry. same to my family, too. i guess they'll never know how sorry i am.
so anyhow, back to robbery and murder and mayhem. coming up -- >> this is where the alleged attempted murder happened. >> jail officials investigate the attempted murder in intake. >> mr. james put the shoelaces around his neck and proceeds to try and strangle him with these shoelaces. >> and a father commits an unspeakable act. >> in fact, she'd been dead for a while. then after three days i put her in the ice chest and she stayed with me. ♪ ♪ i wanna spread a little love this year ♪ ♪ i wanna spread a little love and cheer ♪ [ male announcer ] this december, remember -- provocative design and exacting precision come together in one powerful package at the lexus december to remember sales event, with some of the best offers of the year on our most thrilling models. this is the pursuit of perfection.
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butterfield. he's been here for two years and now his trial is only weeks away. >> it's really a pretty hideous charge. i'm just being charged for, you know, killing my daughter. >> i found her dead about 11:45 on december 26th. i tried to like, revive her. but she was icy cold. it's like she had been dead for a while. all i did was sat there and looked at her for like two hours. >> why didn't you call the police? >> every time i call the police is i get arrested or hassled. all they would have done is i would have got arrested earlier. they weren't going to believe she was like that when i walked in. they're not going to believe that. >> butterfield has pled not guilty. >> hmm, hmm, hmm. it can't get much better than that. right?
you can go around the world and not find anything close to this. i don't think they're really looking very hard to find the one-armed man. you know the one-armed man, the movie "the fugitive." i told the homicide detectives that. he didn't see it either. i said you've been in homicide for 12 years and you've never seen "the fugitive"? i thought that was kind of lame. butterfield's light-hearted attitude stands with the gravity of his charges. he's not only accused of murdering his 21-year-old daughter, rebecca, but of torturing her. prosecutors say he shot her seven times in the leg, foot, knee and side of the head. then he's alleged to have hogtied her and put her in a large ice chest where she suffocated to death. while butterfield denies committing the murder, he admits
to concealing the body. >> i didn't really know what to do. basically i didn't do anything. then after three days i just put her in the ice chest and she just stayed with me. >> butterfield made one other stunning revelation to authorities. he kept the ice chest containing his daughter's corpse in his motor home which he drove and lived in for nearly two years. the body was discovered when the motor home had been impounded after butterfield was arrested on an unrelated minor charge. >> i probably cooked 1,000 gourmet meals two feet from a corpse. that's why i left the motor home a little dirty. if you have a dirty motor home and it smells a little bit and they go, oh. if it's immaculate and it smells, that looks funny. if it's dirty and it smells, people go, nice motor home. they stick their head in and go, wow, what a pig. >> butterfield claims he kept the body in hopes that a miracle would raise rebecca from the dead.
>> the bible says, kacht out demon, heal the sick, and raise the dead. christianity is all about basically it's all about believing that your daughter could be raised from the dead. that's kind of the basis of christianity. jesus was raised from the dead. a lot of people were. so it is possible. but, i mean, you've got to have faith. >> back at orange county central jail facility, it's been less than 24 hours since brian james brutally attempted to strangle an alleged sex offender in the orange county jail's intake unit. sheriff's deputies have completed their preliminary investigation. >> this is holding cell 7 in the booking loop. as related to inmate brian james, this is where the alleged attempted murder happened early on a sunday morning when he was booked into the orange county jail.
he thought that he was put in this position, in this cell, in his belief that he was to act upon this situation. >> i'm thinking it's almost like fate that we end up sitting right next to each other. i'm thinking this [ bleep ] creep is probably going to get out before i will. and go fondle someone's kids. i'm going to get this guy. i'm not just trying to punch him out. like i want to kill this guy. what's the quickest way i can do it? >> he looks down and all he sees are his shoes that he put brand new shoelaces in. he thinks to himself, i will strangle this inmate with these shoelaces. he proceeds to take the shoelaces out of his shoes, puts them around his neck and proceeds to try to strangle the victim with the shoelaces. as the victim was being choked, he lost consciousness. at that time, mr. james allegedly drags him over here behind the privacy wall. >> he's scratching at me, yelling, gurgling. i'm trying my best to kill him. i'm like willing him to die. >> the deputies came rushing over here, they saw that they
had a situation here and they weren't sure exactly what they had. the deputies gave him numerous directives to get on the ground or he would be tased. >> i kind of hold off for a second. the guy went limp, his eyes rolled back, so i thought he was dead. >> that's when they said you're going to get tasered, so i let go. >> if you would have known he was still alive, would you have let go? >> hell, no. >> the victim was taken to the hospital. he survived the attack. later, the victim was released on his charges. >> i wish i would have started a minute earlier. >> why? >> because i didn't kill him. another minute would have probably done the trick. and that was my first day here. that was yesterday. coming up --
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inside the theo lacy jail facility in orange county, california, clarence butterfield has been busy writing. >> i have been writing poems since i've been in here. i've written 320 anyway. this is poem number 300. i dedicated it to my daughter. it's called "being an angel" because she was an angel. it's not what people do, it's the deeds they leave undone. that gives the soul remorse at the setting of the sun. a helpful word unspoken, a letter you did not write, now is when you said later are the ghosts that haunt at night. the burdens you might have lifted out of each other's way, the little gift of wisdom you have no time to say. in a world of harsh and bitter, a soft and gentle tone can ease the broken hearted but you had troubles of your own.
>> butterfield might have thought his 21-year-old daughter rebecca was an angel but he's accused of torturing and murdering her. he says he's innocent but admits to keeping his daughter's corpse in his rv for two years after her death. he says he did so because he believed a miracle would raise her from the dead. >> for life is much too precious to leave another deed undone. when a tender act of mercy does bring glory to his dear son. i seen some different type miracles. i've experienced a few miracles. i was healed in a tent meeting. i walked in with a fuzzy haired guy named tom, i guess. he says, god is healing you of ulcers. he pointed right at me and this cannonball shot down at my stomach and shot me back ten feet. that really happened. miracles do really happen. they're odd, they don't happen very often. sometimes you don't even ask. god does what he wants to do when he wants to do it. if he wants to do something, he just does it. i'm not going to just get rid of
my daughter. if there's a 1 in 10 million chance, one chance that a miracle could happen, you take it. who's to say my daughter wasn't going to jump out of the box? but if she's in the ground it's kind of a done deal. not that many people jump out of a six-foot deep grave. but in a little box next to you, anything's possible. >> though butterfield's beliefs might seem extreme, he was examined after his arrest and found to be mentally competent to stand trial and he soon will. on the surface, mary kay concepcion, currently housed in orange county women's facility wouldn't seem to have much in common with clarence butterfield.
but she, too, is accused of murdering her child. >> it haunts me. every night i wake up and it's just like, is this really happening? i keep hoping i'd wake up and it's just a nightmare. terrible nightmare. >> concepcion has pled not guilty and is awaiting trial. >> we rot away in here. we try to better ourselves with bible studies and looking at big words in the dictionary. >> like scuttlebutt. >> yep, scuttlebutt. >> concepcion has two good friends in jail, julie and teresa. >> it's not common to actually have friends in here. it's very rare. but it's actually really nice to
have that in here. it's like your moral support. >> but concepcion has kept her charges a secret from her friends. they think she has three young children, two sons and a daughter. they have no idea she has been charged with the murder of her 2-year-old son, fox. >> look at that. mama. >> he's my baby. my asian baby. look at his eyes. >> he reminds me of a precious moments doll right here. you know, the sad eyes kind of. >> i just don't want them to stop talking to me, stop caring for me, stop seeing me as that person they can relate to or somebody they can go to. i don't want to lose their
respect. i know i should have told them the truth from the beginning. i don't want them to think i'm that person. someone that heinous, someone that brutal. i'm not that person. >> prosecutors say fox died from internal bleeding after blunt force to the abdomen. the night of his death, concepcion had gone out with girlfriends to celebrate her 25th birthday. she says she left fox with her 4-year-old daughter in her boyfriend's care. >> everything was fine. i laid them out in our living room and i turned on "the bee" movie for them. that was the last thing that he did. and they were fine. they were sleeping when i left them. i got a phone call within 41 minutes. he pretty much just said, baby, come home, baby, come home. fox is not breathing. then i said, what are you doing? call 911. so he hung up the phone and when i called them back, he didn't
answer. so i'm guessing he was on the phone with the paramedics. then when i tried calling him again, i didn't reach him until i made an exit by our house. and that's when he told me to follow the paramedics to the hospital. >> fox died soon after concepcion arrived at the hospital. >> i didn't even get to say good-bye, really, because they pulled me to the side and they started asking me questions about what happened. i don't know what happened. i wish i knew. >> a few days later, concepcion's boyfriend was arrested on murder charges to which he has pled not guilty. but because prosecutors believe she's withholding evidence, they've also charged her with murder. >> if i'm found guilty, i'm facing life. 25 to life. it's a struggle every day.
it's still a struggle being here. i'm not used to it. still not used to it, i guess. coming up -- >> he's a giddy guy, happy to be here. >> he reads books. for me it's a bible study, paid for by the state of california, kind of nice of them, actually. >> clarence butterfield prepares for trial. >> played basketball today outside. got some sun. working on my tan. i'm going to court, a tan is very important, you know. >> later, jail officials learn more about brian james. [ male announcer ] here's a question for you:
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cars on the lot of a car dealership. part of the local highway had to be shut down to fight the plays. i'm veronica della cruz, now back to "lock up." due to mature subject matter, viewer discretion is advised. >> the orange county jail in southern california processes hundreds of new inmates per day, men and women who have been arrested not only by orange county deputies but by officers with the 21 different city and university police departments within the county. sometimes these arrestees arrive fresh from a crime scene and deputies running the intake division might have little to no idea about their state of mind or propensity for violence. >> intake is a very dangerous place.
you don't know who's coming in the back door. you know what they're being charged with when they're being brought in the back door but you really don't know who these people are. >> shortly after brian james arrived at intake, he tried to strangle another inmate, an alleged sex offender, to death. >> i'm not really proud of it but i won't lose sleep over it, either. >> since the attack, the jail's gang intelligence detail has been learning a lot about james. he's a member of a notorious orange county street gang called public enemy number one, also known as peni. >> he goes by the moniker blinky. apparently he has a little bit of an eye issue, he blinks quite frequently, peni blasted on his stomach and interesting on this dude, he had the death squad also underneath his biceps on each side. we definitely have our hands full with this guy. >> normally we don't see the death squad on too many of them. >> the death squad is sort of a dying thing. >> it usually is awarded to
someone who is a loyal soldier, someone who has put in work for peni, some one who has proven their right to be there. >> a lot of years in those tattoos, a lot of work, too. >> many, many man hours. many man hours. >> james first went to prison at age 18 on a robbery charge and then became initiated in the gang. >> i always wanted to do well and succeed to make my home boys proud of me, because they're like family. >> after being released from prison on the robbery charge, james was back in, a year and a half later for assault with a deadly weapon. >> my thought patterns and my choices and my behaviors are not what normal people do. they're irrational. most of the time i know what the smart thing is to do but i can't help myself from doing the other. >> james was six weeks out of his second prison term when he
allegedly went on a rampage, leading to his most recent arrest. according to police reports, it was the night of multiple robberies, a high-speed chase in which he attempted to run over a police officer and more. >> james revealed that he had stabbed another individual before his car chase and his current crimes that he's in custody for now. he indicated to us that he had gone to a garage where somebody was preparing, selling illegal substances and he went there with the notion to kill that individual. >> two days after his arrest, james appeared in court for his arraignment. he pled not guilty to nine different charges related to his arrest. and to a tenth charge, the attempted murder of the man in his cell. we met him again shortly after the arraignment and learned it would be our last meeting with him. >> i just went in for arraignment today and under advice of counsel i will have to
discontinue any further interaction with you guys, msnbc or anything. sorry about that. i've got to do what i can do for my own case. >> clarence butterfield is also accused of an ugly act of violence. the torture and murder of his 21-year-old daughter, rebecca. but at the moment, his focus is on his ability or inability to purchase snacks and supplies from the jail commissary. >> first thing i ordered was coffee, freeze dried coffee, 3 ounce. go down. ordered one. insufficient funds. cocoa, five pack, insufficient funds. and i ordered sweet and low, ten pack, that's 50 cents, insufficient funds. pretty bad when you don't have 50 cents. soups are 60 cents. i ordered three of those. that was $1.80. insufficient funds. and one pepper pack, i was
really hopeful on this one, insufficient funds. that's really bad when you don't have 25 cents. everybody should have 25 cents. just to feel like an american, you know. life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, the american way, apple pie, ice cream. >> lance butterfield is an inmate that teams to do his time well. he's an older guy in a jail full of younger inmates. he seems to get along with them. >> i try to convert some of the younger kids on how lame it is to be sit in your cell for 22 hours and then come out here and sit for another two hours. no one listens to me. it's like being married. >> he's a giddy guy. he seems to like to be here. >> sometimes you swim. you walk around, do this. for me it's a big long bible study paid for by the state of california. kind of nice of them, actually. >> other inmates may not know the level of charges that clarence has. if they did, they probably would stay away from him.
at the same time, inmates here tend to not ask, don't tell. >> butterfield might not have to answer to other inmates but with his trial only days away, he will have to answer to a judge and jury. so he's been getting ready and not only by trimming his beard. >> i played basketball today outside. i got some sun. working on my tan. i'm going to court. a tan is very important, you know? >> butterfield says he never murdered his daughter but he does acknowledge having kept her corpse inside an ice chest inside his motor home for nearly two years, hoping a miracle would raise her from the dead. >> what happened to my daughter, i don't really know. all i know is i didn't do it. i've been blamed for stuff since i was 10. it's just the way. if you have a track record of getting blamed for overpopulation, that's not my fault. global warming, these are not my fault. i'm not responsible for everything, you know? i was only 10 when kennedy got
shot. i wasn't on the grassy knoll. i have never been to dallas. i wasn't responsible for a lot of these things. mary kay concepcion, also has an important date approaching but it is not in court. her 26th birthday is one week away. she is in no mood to celebrate but that hasn't stopped her two best friends, julie and teresa, from trying to talk her into it. >> what can we possibly do? >> i know. i know. what can we possibly do? what did we do for teresa's birthday? dude, we were like, whoo! every single time somebody said the "p" word, you were doing vulgar things. it was fun. it was like an x-rated jailhouse party. >> she came up with it. >> why can't we come up with it? >> do you have any ideas? >> i really don't want to. >> knowing her friend won't
celebrate her birthday, she thought the least she could do was purchase a card from the commissary. >> she's sensitive about celebrating her birthday. i know how it feels, because i've spent three birthdays in here. the first time it wasn't fun. it still kind of warms your heart up that even though you didn't want to, someone still cared enough to get you just a little something. >> concepcion is being held while awaiting trial for the murder of her 2-year-old son, fox. he died one year earlier. the same night concepcion was celebrating her 25th birthday. ramirez and shanholtzer have no idea what concepcion has been charged with. >> it says, sweet, dorky, precious, unique, no other person has been born or will there be one that will be just like you. yes, god created you to be different from everyone else and that is why you are special. no one else has your point of view, your personality, character or passions.
no one care for parents, siblings or friends like you can. no one else has your ideas, your talents, your abilities, your creativeness or unique point of view. there is truly nobody else like you. i love you mary kay and i truly consider you one of my best friends. you and your family are always in my prayers. teresa. >> this has been a really difficult month, really difficult month. i'm so used to celebrating my birthday, i call it my birthday month. yeah. i would start with, you know, dinner dates with my girlfriends, taking the kids out for crepes and ice cream, just like last year, you know, this year's different. for the rest of my life, i don't ever want to celebrate my birthday again.
i've told everyone that. because they were planning on something but i said, no, i don't want to. it's not that important anymore to me. it's just getting older. coming up -- >> becky didn't have that spirit. she didn't take care of numero uno mentality. she had never leave a fallen comrade, even if it cost you your life, which it did. >> clarence butterfield has an emotional moment and mary kay concepcion writes to her deceased son. >> the last time i tucked you in and said good night, i never said good-bye to yesterday's long past. i would have marked the moments if i had known they were your last. for a living i take pride in them. so when my moderate to severe chronic plaque psoriasis was also on display, i'd had it. i finally had a serious talk with my dermatologist. this time, he prescribed humira-adalimumab. humira helps to clear the surface of my skin by actually working inside my body.
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back up, bring your hands down. >> after two years in the orange county jail, clarence butterfield has seen a dramatic change in his day-to-day life. he's now in the second week of his murder trial. >> pretty long days, though. i'm kind of tired. now it's like, what time is it by the way, 8:00, 9:00? my watch is broken. i have to get this thing fixed. i'm sorry. >> that's okay. >> i have to start being serious you one of these days. >> but his day in court had a serious side. butterfield's other adult child, his son, jedidiah was in the courtroom to testify against him. >> it's great to see my son. to see his smile. he's blessed since birth. becky was always serious. i love that. she was so responsible but jedd was like a -- more like a corn ball, more like me, a goof, always smiling, always wanted to have fun. all he wanted to do was have
fun. becky was like my mom or something. more like my mom than my daughter. my mom if my mom was responsible. becky was more responsible than my own mother. what am i going to say? what am i going to say about becky, she was great. it's weird to have a little girl that's so responsible. it's weird. jedd wasn't. he did the smart thing, bail, worry about yourself, take care of number one. becky didn't have that spirit. she didn't have a take care of numero uno mentality. she had a never leave a fallen comrade, even if it costs you your life, which it did. which it did. >> over in the women's wing of the jail, mary kay concepcion has just had her 26th birthday but it also marks the death of her 2-year-old son, fox. concepcion and her boyfriend are both awaiting trial for his murder.
>> i'm writing a poem for my son that passed away. for his death anniversary. not too long ago you came to me, a miracle of many firsts, firsts smile, first set of teeth and first baby steps. but one night god took you away and left me your past. i will be thinking for a lifetime of your laughs. your lasts. the last time i held you and kissed your soft baby lips. sorry. last time you run to me and scream, mommy! last time you tugged on my shirt to carry you up. the last time you stole shrimp from your sister's plate, the last time i gave you a bath and dressed you up, the last time i tucked you in and said good night, i never said good-bye to yesterday's long past. i would have marked the moments
if i had known they were your last. the last time i hold your hands, the last time i kissed you. the last time i hugged you and the last time i said good-bye. >> concepcion has kept her charges a secret from her two best friends in jail. both of whom were young mothers themselves. just she recently heard the truth. >> i heard a news reel off the internet. my mom played it for me. i was in shock. i think i still am. because i didn't know anything, anything at all. i thought she was here for an old man's murder. i had no idea that it was her son that got murdered. i told my mom that she is a liar and she doesn't know, it's the wrong person and i went up to mary kay while she was still on the phone and i looked at mary kay and i said, why are you
here? she just looked at me and i just started crying and i said, i had no idea. >> don't cry. >> she just had this look on her face. i was like, oh, no, no, no, i don't want to lose you as a friend. that was my thought. i didn't say that. but i think she kind of saw that. so she just hugged me. >> mary kay's told us that she gets visits with her son. we didn't know that he was passed away. i don't think she's even dealt with it. and i'm scared that when she finally does deal with it, she's just going to snap. >> when do you go to court again? >> i go back to family court on the 31st.
>> yeah but what are you supposed to do? you pray. >> i do. it's -- >> you're one of the more spiritual people i see in here, mary kay. >> we talked about it a little bit. you know, she's been really, really supportive ever since. >> i'm not mad. i feel more like she needs to deal with it. that's why we have friends. to help. but how do you do it in a respectful manner, i don't know how. i'm not a counselor, so i really try not to even talk about it anymore. everybody has skeltons in their closet, i think. coming up, the butterfield trial comes to an end, as the jury renders its verdict. ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] may your holidays be merry and bright. merry pringles.
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clarence butterfield's trial for the murder of his daughter lasted two weeks. the jury deliberated for two and a half hours and now the verdict is in. >> we the jury in the above-entitled action find the defendant, clarence butterfield, guilty of the crime of murder as charged in count one of the indictment. furthermore, we the jury in the above-entitled action find it to be true that the defendant, clarence butterfield, intentionally committed the first degree murder charged in count one of the indictment and that said murder involved the infliction of torture. >> unless he appeals, the verdict will result in a sentence of life without parole for butterfield. and at least one juror felt
justice was served. >> when they read the verdict and i looked over at mr. butterfield, he was not very surprised. he kind of gave a little smile and a nod, and i looked right at him. i felt very good. yeah. i can sleep at night now. >> we talked to butterfield only moments after he left the courtroom. left the courtroom and he told us what the verdict meant to him. >> a free bible study for the rest of my life, free meals included, that's what it is. how can you beat that. it is not a joke and i'm not trying to make light of it. i'm trying not to go crazy in this place. >> it was just a whorrible thin he did to his daughter. a parent is supposed to p ed td and love you but he is the biograph boogey man we try to save our
children from. >> you only see her as dead. she is in the cell every day. i have written nine songs i felt she has written me with, 314 poems. in my opinion, she's not dead. i hear from her all the time. >> go straight back to your cell. >> back in his cell, butterfield turns to one of his few remaining small luxurieluxuries >> this is the last glass of lem lemonade. that's pretty good. at least i saved a glass for emergency. that was pretty smart. >> but soon after, reality seemed to sink in for butterfield. >> this is a serious day. i just got convicted of -- wow, it is not accused, it is convicted of killing my
daughter. that is a really serious thing. a lot of times it takes two or three days or decades to sink in. since i didn't do it, it probably will never sink in. >> she was hog tied. >> hog tied and naked but my brain still sees her as clothed. you said she had clothes, i wasn't lying, in my brain i see her clothes. >> so, my question to you is, is there a possibility your brain won't let you see that you killed your daughter. >> i guess there's a possibility but then being examined by all these professional psychiatrists why wasn't i guilty by reason of insanity. my conscience couldn't allow her to bury her because i never saw her as evidence. she was always my daughter. if there's one thing i can do, like i said, i've never been
accused of being really, really smart. a professional killer, maniac, or a monster, like the da is projecting, a monster would have the not cared. the 12 foot hole i dug on the third day, i would have put her in it and that would have been it. to you guys becky is dead, for me she isn't. when i'm really depressed and want to end it, i feel a tug on my heart and sometimes i hear a voice, like, hey get up, i haven't left you.