tv Prime Interest RT September 4, 2013 11:30pm-12:01am EDT
and vilified it is kind of easy for me because sometimes i have episodes where i won't be able to. i think something will trigger me and which i'll just keep on working and working and working more or less. like seventy two hours just so exhausted and. i can take and build. a show out or. something i very much. like the phrase that you gave me i could have made a lot more money out of it if i wanted to i just it depends on what we're doing and to. make him say on the news that there were rebuilding iraq you're working to rebuild iraq. i was kind of sick of hearing c.n.n. and fox news like barky each other about one say oh it's things are going to. know the horrible things they are iraq and i kind of way to see it for myself you know.
i joined the military when i was a teenager nineteen in basic training. like halfway through my tour i told my unit that i was willing to kill any any human beings. i start. asking this one question are you willing to do your job if i was a say no it would have been like oh this guy's be insubordinate throw in jail you know i mean so like i came to conclusion like they're basically enslaving me here i have to say yes you know i'm actually walking the town with a rifle but instead of using the camera. this is one of the girls and it's her town. one boy they don't know where one of the other bullet
a little girl on the shoulder and she ended up dying from that shoulder injury it was the last. well i get a happiness i had i was who a breaking point i was i was you know you're suicidal yeah. and during that period they saw me to a chaplain i sat and talked to a chaplain for about two hours and he tried to basically convince me big. thank. you for your in that situation where you're having that struggle you're going on that struggle yeah and one of my going to well i'm going to call my mom in tow i don't struggle with that stuff i would be bawling her eyes out you know i mean like who am i going to talk to about it you know i mean.
a mission. maybe i should've cried to my dad told me i would but my dad hasn't seen the things i have seen a lot of. and from all the combat i've seen soldiers that i've lost over time it gets easier that's the thing that frighten me the most. if i've killed the enemy. i don't feel it anymore. it's harder but i am happy even to be an army wife because not a lot of people get to do it it's definitely a privilege and an honor being married to someone he serves the country so. it's not an easy lifestyle. and i had family members who were in the military so
i knew he was going to be gone i knew i was going to be home alone a lot you know it wasn't from a dog. but here i was. no i just turned nineteen in the picture so i was you know just graduated college. went off to get married. this was the day he came home i did these on my phone so they're kind of blurry but this was when he came home it was just he kind of just wanted to sit for a minute and just like i think soak in the fact that he's not there anymore he's back in the mainland he's able to just breathe and not worry about any thing exploding behind him. yes.
this is a wreath that i made when my husband came home from deployment the material that you see here is what they call a c u from their uniforms. he wore these were actually his pants and he wore them in iraq so when he came home i just thought it was kind of symbolic just to make this wreaths you know to show he made it home so next time he comes home from another deployment i want to make another one. first time when he came back it was it was scary. there was a lot of rage there's a lot of anger a lot of hurt and. he drank a lot. my husband used to be one of those people
a suicidal thoughts you know. he talks a lot when he's drunk and he'll talk about the words kind of ramble on and i lot of ramble. i was and. he is a. you know. yes. it is to take. whatever. he leaves again this summer and that will be a second deployment and he's gone for anywhere from twelve to fifteen months at a time. did you ever feel to fucking well listen richard i'm stupid.
you need to get out before you leave. we know for sure he's going to iraq. that can change it any minute you can go to afghanistan and kind of hoping he stays in iraq it's safer somewhat favor. from. here goes. here goes. here your breath. they're in for breakfast i was about and i usually make him breakfast in the morning but he got home kind of late today so he's probably going to go to the fact
which is the cafeteria. is hard some. mornings like this. i'm sorry. it's. not easy for me and usually. or i may. order in the middle of the day. just he's so busy or you know where the training schedule. and getting ready to leave so he's got a lot of stress on him. i want a baby before he deployed speakers if something were to happen god forbid i would
you know they don't know. do i admire them and respect them and have great pride in knowing them and intact and yes i want to cry sorry. because they. have extremely good intentions in defending freedom. on our respect generations that america was founded on but i think that maybe they're slightly this. so how it's hard for me it's hard as a mother you know because i think my kids. it's.
twenty two years old. and i must kill thirty people. the same thing that you were given badges for in iraq you know you would have you considered a serial killer over here and that's you know that's a very weird thought to have running around in your head. in the morning you know it's very easy to sort of think bright happy thoughts and sort of put a correct kind of. spin on it but when it's dark. going to sleep or late at night or tired it's not as easy.
thirty minutes or something about our. soldiers. here at the roadside bombs. twelve of them. are still in my vehicle all times. the night he goes off you react and ways you think are right at the moment. and when it when it hit our vehicle. are triggers for i heard my gunner start firing which to me means he had a target my gunner was very good it wouldn't make that mistake. and i jumped out of the vehicle and i. i shot three people before idiom realized what was going on and they started running from us and i shot frank two more before. before my driver grabbed me
he said with a dune. and. that snapped me out of it now realize that i was shooting at people because they were there. this one as my grandfather in vietnam he was a pilot bosnia was six months. and my first trip to iraq was only six months so that's a year my second trip to iraq was a year trip to afghanistan was a year my last trip was fifteen months this was a stream from mr. and me i'm oldest boy who is now. and. mom or somebody. i'm very proud that i have been in the military i'm proud that i've been to war but however good people do get hurt and i've
hurt good people. and. there's a reason i'm getting out of the army retired up that's the reason. i have a. chronic p.t.s.d. post-traumatic stress disorder. to be honest with you i just got out of a mental institution a couple weeks ago. i was there for thirty days. to help me with my p.t.s.d. . and it's from the stuff i've gone through with the stuff i've done and iraq. how serious just because we go to mental institution producers. all the people in that place with me they were all military. everybody else there
except me had tried to kill themselves i was getting ready to go kill other people when you get ready. to get in my car and drive up and start killing people. instead i grabbed my wife and we drove up to the hospital. you know how do you know are you getting ready to kill people. because the thoughts just kept going through my mind and i was making my plan. at the time it was i had a problem with people being happy because i. am not happy most of the time. so i was going to drive down the road here and find the first person i saw that looked happy in as. i was going to start with them.
one place i don't feel i have any symptoms. from both the church. down to us to have my gun on me yeah i do the. church. because a radical person where they're likely to strike while the most vulnerable target which would be a church because i would have an entire profession in charge nobody but me. the worst one for me was cleaning up other people's brains. larry
i can deal with shattered human remains like pick up someone's heart. the brains are different because it's. you don't know if you're holding a piece of someone's memory from their kid or. you don't know if you're holding a piece their members being married remember that you're holding the peace that. that was them being soldiers and that's that's the worse for me. because all i want to you boil it down all this arrest of this is nothing but meat and bone and. but people don't want to have conversations about that they want to buy you a beer and give you a clap or a handshake in the airport and be on their merry way you know. it puts a strain on my marriage for sure. a lot of marriages have been run because the wives just don't understand and don't have the capability of understanding and you
know their husband gets home and they think well the husband going to help me discipline the kids and take care of kids but he end up with three kids and a grown ass man and we've been in the corner drunk off as cradling a gun. and. no one teaches anybody how to deal with it you know and it also gets back to the in the military it's the john wayne mentality of if you don't show emotion you know allowed to admit that you're sad or upset or anything ever it's not manly. i don't let myself to become upset because when i do i don't get a little upset i get stage five def-con want to upset like at the world and i just don't trust people at all. i get
a world of pain and i'll have a son is the not this great nation the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of my sacrifice. i can think of nothing more honorable confirming your nation. our military and their families have provided a point you will recall that no other nation. says the part of this nation and our military service members and. places many only known as the one. bunker hill in your town gettysburg and you don't know but princes know france want to come out and. the group will be unarmed afghanistan and iraq and because of the bravery and sacrifice is that the heroes we honor with three don't feel one. hundred.
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