tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC August 21, 2015 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
jimmy kimmel is next. have a wonderful weekend. eye witness news >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- halle berry and josh groban with cleto and the cletones. and now, once again, here's jimmy kimmel! jimmy kimmel live [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you all of you for coming.
welcome. welcome to you. and i want to wish a very special welcome back to us. this is our first show back after a two-week break, hiatus in television, we don't take vacations we go on hiatuses. i have no idea. we do. i made it through a whole hiatus, took no selfies at all. not one of them. my camera, my camera phone -- doesn't even know i exist. i sneak up right behind it. i took pictures of my daughter jane. nigh nigh -- my daughter is 13 months old. we had a nine-hour flight with her yesterday. like having a piglet on the subway. and i, i knew this was a problem when i was getting dressed. i made the mistake of wearing a white long sleeve shirt on the plane. which of course left my daughter no choice but to throw up all over me. so i had that on the whole flight. i got home.
i rinsed the shirt out in the sink. to try to -- nothing came out. jumped in the shower. no hot water in the shower the i had to then. first i thought about going outside naked. i thought, tmz might be out there. i got dress. went in the yard. flipped the circuit breakers. i got back. how is it possible it is 98 degrees outside but the watt r coming out of the showerhead feels like a wild cherry slurpee, makes no sense. very hot here in l.a. a lot of places. so hot in l.a., our fro-yo is just yo. it was 102 degrees in burbank yesterday. [ applause ] thanks, guys. that's really nice. it was the hottest that it has been in 15 years in burbank. everybody says it is hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk. i have to say i think that is a shame. it leaves out so many delicious breakfast items cooked in the sun. we did today, we sent guillermo, outside on the hollywood boulevard. bring him up there. guillermo, how are you?
>> guillermo: very good. >> jimmy: tonight, guillermo is going to find out if it is hot enough to fry bacon on a bald man's head. looks like we found a bald man. >> guillermo: yes. >> jimmy: your name? >> charles. >> jimmy: where are you from? >> dallas texas. >> jimmy: have you ever had bacon fried on your head before? >> no. >> jimmy: all right. okay. so this will be an unusual experience for you. >> jimmy: guillermo, go ahead. let charles hold the microphone. place the bacon on, make sure to get it. the whole surface of the head. may have to even that one out there. there we go. well done. and okay, yes. make sure you wash your hand after this, we don't want any trichinosis. let the head heat up. and we'll check back with you, throughout the monologue. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, charles. this is the same -- the same test the national weather
determine whether or not to issue a heat advisory. by the way, guillermo got quite a couple weeks. i was in the middle of the ocean. on an island in the pacific over the break. everywhere i went. people would say where is guillermo. cute, fun to hear until this. >> the latest storm, hurricane guillermo has entered the central pacific and is heading towards hawaii. a category ii hurricane. guillermo expected to weaken tonight. >> jimmy: guillermo, did you weaken look they expected? >> a little bit, jimmy. >> jimmy: is the bacon cooking at all? you can't turn it too fast. you have to let it sit there, guillermo. >> guillermo: okay, i won't move it. >> jimmy: charles, are you enjoying your vacation so far? >> yeah, this is a blast. >> jimmy: give it another minute. we will check back. >> jimmy: speaking of people with things on their head. donald trump is still on a roll. [ applause ] >> jimmy: continues to lead the field of republican candidates. a fox news poll has him at 25%. ben carson second with 12%. trump had to take a day off to
report for jury duty. he reported for jury duty in new york, unfortunately not selected as a juror. which probably for the best. imagine you get caught shoplifting steaks at the a & p, you see donald in the jury box. donald trump was in des moines, iowa, iowa state fair, he is eating a pork shop on a stick. i would look to see this image on the $100 bill one day. i love about america, fly on a private jet. eat at five star restaurants. if you want to be president when they hand you a pork chop on a stick in iowa, you have to eat it. no questions asked. trump arrived in des moines in his private helicopter which was exciting for everybody. now trump is wearing, see a red hat to all his campaign stops. i finally figured out why he is this. he wears his hat so we don't see what his hair looks like when the blade of the helicopter spin around. probably looks like a cotton
candy machine exploded. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so he stuffs it all into a hat. and not only is he wearing this hat. he is now selling it. trump went on twitter today to hawk his new product. there it is, my official make america great again hat is now available online to shop please visit donaldjtrump.com. it is selling fast. been on the site three minutes. already selling fast. this is the hat. i went to the site -- for the low price of $25, you too, can look like an 80-year-old greeter at wal-mart. who would wear that hat? so anyway, donald trump land his helicopter at the state fair and offers to take some of the kids at the fair on a ride in the helicopter. >> let's give them a helicopter ride, okay? right? good? >> yeah! >> i don't know. let's go see. come on, let's get going? who is going first?
where are your parents? >> jimmy: a very good question. 20 kids got to take a helicopter ride with donald trump. he dropped them off in texas. they're building a wall on the border. a nice summer job for them. one of the kids in the helicopter, sitting, looking at the helicopter. he asked are you batman? and trump said, yes, i'm batman. which is what you should say if a kid asks you if you are batman? i'm sure ben affleck will be great at batman. what would donald trump be like as batman. to find out. we took audio of donald trump, real audio, combined it with video from batman the animated series. i think, i have to say think it feels pretty natural. >> i will build a great, great wall on our southernrn border. and i will have mexico pay for that wall. i have a great relationship with the blacks. i have always had a great relationship with the blacks. i think i would get along very
well with vladamir putin. i just think so. the american dream is dead. >> you can put that on a hat. the american dream is dead. let's check back in with guillermo on hollywood boulevard. wow. guillermo. how's the bacon? >> guillermo: very good. >> jimmy: looks like it really. charles, you are not sweating. amazing that you got that kind of heat coming out of your head. >> who would have thought? >> jimmy: have we proved anything, guillermo? >> guillermo: not to jimmy. but i love bacon. >> jimmy: very good. thank you, guillermo. thank you charles for letting us grease up your head. >> it was fun. next time, let's have eggs too. >> jimmy: mr. t had an edible mohawk. we are going to take a break.
if you watch this show, "bachelor in paradise." but it is -- no? it is not that. i have the latest from that, plus, a performance for the ages josh groban rocketed to fame singing the tweets of kanye west is back with an album highlighting the tweets of a famous tweeter. we'll be right back with that. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] progressive insurance here, and i'm a box who thrives on the unexpected. ha-ha! shall we dine? [ chuckle ] you wouldn't expect an insurance company to show you their rates and their competitors' rates, but that's precisely what we do. going up! nope, coming down. and if you switch to progressive today, you could save an average of over 500 bucks. stop it. so call me today at the number below.
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year be fill the gap from the bachelorette and bachelor with bachelor in paradise. this is the show that gives the bachelorette a second chance to not find love again. we had new episode last night and tonight. last night a young woman, megan season of the bachelor showed up in mexico with energy, enthusiasm. not much in the way of speaking spanish. >> how are you? >> it's so good to see you. >> oh, my goodness. >> i brought you something. a sombrero i got today. >> what's this called? >> a sobrero. >> i don't know if i am pronouncing it right? >> how do i say it? >> sombrero. >> aloha, mexico! >> that's megan bell. her friend call her taco bell. you know if you didn't look at it there is money to be made. is anyone still watching the
caitlyn jenner show? just me? okay. i think they made a mistake giving caitlyn jenner her own show. i tell you why. i think it would have been more interesting if every once in a while she just walked through the kitchen or the living room on the the kardashians in a dress. with no explanation whatsoever. the show if you haven't seen it, it's called ""i am cait." they have a lot of cutaways, the camera will cut to caitlyn jenner's hand. this is from last night's show alone. >> what they're saying about my children? >> who? >> the world. >> certainly to your house. i will give it a shot. >> i can't do anything right. >> it's hard to please everyone. >> i'm not saying i would have gone this rut to talk to these kids. >> seeing how this program.
i couldn't tell my story. you know, he came out publicly. it is a difficult, difficult thing to do. >> you know, everything takes time. you are going to make mistakes. so it's time to listen to them. pretty much everything i do hurts. >> jimmy: isn't that weird? pretty odd. i hear they're saving her pedicures for the season finale. that should be exciting. caitlyn jenner said she is a republican. i wonder if she is supporting donald trump. great runningmate choice by the way. something to think about. i mentioned before, josh groban is here with us tonight. josh has a beautiful voice. he has given us so much great music over the year. to make great songs you have to have great lyrics. if you want to be taken seriously as an artist. strong lyrics are a must. we are proud and pleased to bring two great talent together for the new album i think is nothing short of magic. singer, songwriter, actor, producer, he sold more than 25 million record worldwide and has
the voice of an angel. >> oh, hi. i'm josh groban. and i have the voice of an angel. >> josh groban's multiplatinum the best tweets of kanye west the number one album of 2011, his highly anticipated follow-up, the best tweets of donald trump. i've never seen a thin person drinking diet coke that barack obama's birth certificate is a fraud a fraud robert pattison should not take back kristen stewart. she cheated on him like a dog. she'll do it again.
just watch. donald trump's tweets will make you laugh, and make you cry. but mostly they'll make you cry. amazing how all the haters and losers keep tweeting the name [ bleep ] vonn clown stick like they're so original and like no one else is doing it >> announcer: buy now and get the bonus track, losers and haters absolutely free. sorry losers and haters but my iq is one of the highest and you all know it so please don't feel so stupid or insecure it's not your fault >> you get all the controversy. all the self promotion off the shelves at macy's
the perfect christmas gift >> all the contradiction. macy's stores suck and they're bad for usa and so much more. the best tweets of donald trump. available wherever trump steaks, trump water, trump mens wear, trump the fragrance, and trump the home mattress is sold. i'm officially running for president of the united states #makeamericagreatagain. >> thank you, josh. tonight, josh groban is here. we'll be right back with halle berry. [ cheers and applause ] who says families have to share data? these guys, that's who but at t-mobile you can get four lines with up to 10 gigs of 4g lte data, each no sharing and just $30 bucks a line
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tour starts september 12th in atlanta, georgia. tomorrow night, johnny knoxville will be here. nba champion and mvp, stephen curry will join us. and we'll have music from kelly clarkson. and later this week, queen latifah, john mcenroe, topher grace, lily tomlin will be here. and we will have music from mumford and sons and the struts. so please join us for all of those shows. our first guest tonight is an exceptionally gifted actor with an emmy, a golden globe and an oscar to prove it. you know her from many, many movies, but now, she's on t.v. as the most attractive astronaut in the history of spaceflight. her show is called "extant." it airs wednesday nights on cbs. please welcome halle berry. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how is it going? >> good.
can i say one thing? >> jimmy: yes. >> you look so good in that beard. don't you think? it's working well. >> jimmy: i was going to say the same thing about you and that bra. thank you for wearing that tonight. >> i thought you might. >> jimmy: don't think i don't appreciate it. i've really do. i think we all do. and men and women alike. i'll be the judge of that. you look fantastic. happy birthday. you had a birthday on friday. hope you don't mind me mentioning it. did you do a big thing? a big celebration over the weekend for your birthday? >> no. >> jimmy: you did not? >> i'll tell you a secret. >> jimmy: okay. >> i have never had a birthday party. >> jimmy: i think i'm going to cry.
>> i probably had one as a kid. i don't remember. >> jimmy: really? >> as far back as i can remember, i don't ever remember having a birthday party. certainly as i became an adult, 18 and up. never had a birthday party. >> jimmy: because you hate them? >> i don't hate it. not a jehovah witness. >> jimmy: you didn't have any friends? >> i have lots of friends. i'll tell you what my friends did. party. everybody does. one of my friend tipped me off my friend were having a surprise party. >> jimmy: oh. >> she did it inadvertently. when she slipped it. i don't think she slipped it. i thought watch what i well do i will surprise them. i didn't show up to the surprise party. i was at home with my wine watching tv, kicked back, knowing that they were like waiting for me to show up. about midnight my phone rang. they were like, some word i can't say, where are you?
i was like, ha-ha-ha. the joke is on you. i told you not to have a party. and nobody ever has ever tried >> jimmy: that's pretty crazy. i don't know anyone who has never celebrated their birthday. >> i celebrate, but like with my kids. they make me a card. this year we want to lake hamet. i do things with my family. i just don't want a big to-do. now? >> jimmy: they have birthday parties? >> they have birthday parties. little ones. they have nice little parties that are appropriate for their age. >> jimmy: they do get crazy sometimes the birthday parties. by having little birthday parties for them, do you get out of going to terrible children's parties everyone goes to every weekend. >> i don't give them. you go to the parties, there are 25 kids. they walk away with 25 presents. like christmas. it is just too much indulging. >> jimmy: if my mother is there, they walk away with 85 presents. >> it is too much. your kids probably aren't happy. >> they'll thank me one day.
>> jimmy: i don't think they will. >> they will. they will. >> jimmy: do the kids come to work with you? are they aware of what you are doing? and they see you acting? and pretending to be different people? >> my daughter does. she is 7. my baby not so much. my daughter she comes to the set. she know it really quite sure what i do. she really thinks i'm a princess. like she thinks that me real job. she comes to the set, the only reason she comes is to drive the golf cart. ha-ha-ha. >> jimmy: that is a really good reason. she gets to drive it. >> she drives the golf cart. at the paramount lot they have like markings on the road, like, stop signs, they have, like lines in the road. so you have to be on your side. she really thinks she is driving. you know? and she just, she loves to drive. >> jimmy: she is not driving. >> no, she is driving. >> jimmy: she is right, she is driving. >> she is driving. not on the road.
she thinks she is on the road. >> jimmy: i would trade every birthday party i ever had as a kid to be able to drive a golf cart around. i really would. >> i know, wouldn't you. >> jimmy: there is nothing better than that. remember being at disneyland on autopia, a guide bar, banging around. you think i'm driving. this is it. the greatest thing ever. >> it is fun. sometimes, work late, 1:00, 2:00 in the morning. she will be there. the guard is like can they please go home. she is going around and around and around. >> jimmy: sign her up to drive for uber. make a little cash on the side. >> a good deal. >> jimmy: throw her own birthday parties. halle berry is here. her show is called "extant." we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] this one would keep me organized. i could list all the days i've been banned from social media. wait this thing has built-in live broadcasting? i don't know what nerd came up with that, but it's awesome. you think they'd censor pippa's doggy-ola's? not censored. censored, not censored. introducing the samsung galaxy s6 edge+ and the note5. now at sprint, save $200 when you trade in any smartphone
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>> i can't take that on faith, molly. >> so you steal john's work to create an army of humanics, machines. they aren't living creatures. >> soldiers to win a war. >> you want war. they want peace. you are wasting your time, toby. human race not worth saving. >> jimmy: that is halle berry in "extant" wednesday nights on cbs. the show is a sci-fi show. basically comes done to
aliens/robots, yes. >> basically. there is the humans in the middle. >> jimmy: we are always in the middle aren't we? >> always. >> jimmy: are you having fun doing the show? >> i am. we have a really good cast this year. we have new writers. the story line is goingen a direction i am really excited about. it makes us all think. we all thought about is there life in another universe somewhere, have they been here? if so, what do they want? how are we going to evolve as a race? we all have the thoughts. a subject that is poignant and something i'm interested in. >> jimmy: do you believe there is life on other planets? >> i do. >> jimmy: i do too. >> i am glad you do too. every time i say it somebody makes me feel like a quack. there has to be. we can't be the only. >> jimmy: from a numbers standpoint, the odd that there aren't seem less likely than the odds. the reverse. you know what i mean.
a billion planets out there. there has got to be life on one of them. >> there has got to be. >> jimmy: up to us to kill it, to squash it. >> before they squash us? >> jimmy: right. we declare war immediately. when president trump is in charge he will take care of it. he will take care of that. i promise. this is -- something that, boggles my mind that we have in common. but you were in the marching band in high school. i was also in the marching band in high school. >> what did you play? >> jimmy: i played the clarinet. well, the -- well, i don't know. i guess i should have anticipated that, that that photograph would be on hand. yeah, as you can see, i was pretty popular with the lady at that time. the clarinet was not -- the cool est -- coolest instrument. it was cooler than the flute. unless you were female then the
flute was cooler than the clarinet. >> but the sax was the sexiest wind instrument? >> yeah, my bandleader, cleto -- had the words. that's how sexy it was playing the saxophone. why do you think that it is, the saxophone is the sexiest of the instruments? >> the shape of it, the way it hangs maybe. >> jimmy: you think the clarinet would be the winner in that, right? >> the sax is bigger. it's wrapped up. >> jimmy: yeah, the sax is bigger. i think it could be also like every song in the '80s had like that sax solo in at, like, a minute 40 second into the record. no matter what the record was. it had that sax solo in there. never clarinet. rarely flute. rarely flute. every once in a while you get jethroe tull. you marched in the uniform. were look all the nerd following you in a line? were they able to follow the
bandleader or just follow you? >> no, we all followed the bandleader. >> jimmy: you did, interesting. did you like that? did you go on the trips and everything? >> not that many. i quickly became the mascot. that wasn't working for me. i became the bearkat, the animal you put on the costume. i was a gymnast. i quickly became. >> jimmy: you had a thing on your head? >> a thing on my head. >> jimmy: isn't that crazy. of all people to have the thing on their head. you are like the last one. i think we have learned our lesson what happened. it protected you from the sun's rays. now you are a timeless beauty. very good to see you. i think having no birthdays has really helped you. halle berry, her show is "extant." thank you, halle. we will be back with josh groban.
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sold more than 25 million records, despite the fact that he has not been accompanied by kendrick lamar. he has a new album of songs from broadway musicals called "stages." please say hello to josh groban. >> jimmy: how is it going? >> going great. >> jimmy: good to see you. >> good to see you. i like it. i think it looks lumbersexual. vacations are good for you. >> i think so. of your next album, lumbersexual. will you shave your beard before the tour begins? >> i enjoy not shaving. i feel like i am starting to look like the voice i have. i have been a baby face my whole life. started, 17, 18, a little kid
face. now little joshy groban sing for you. now i feel like i look like my singing face. >> jimmy: go out full out hipster. can you grow a big, hairy beard? >> i am a couple inches away from a man bun. and my jeans are tight enough. i think we are almost there. >> all and all, five, six start in the united states. do great old theaters across the u.s. so much fun. full circle for me to got out and sing the songs i have loved since i was a little kid. grew up in los angeles. grew up seeing great shows, at the music center, and to go back and revisit the songs at this point in my career, visit old theaters going to be a blast. >> jimmy: how old were you when you started listening to musicals?
>> i was like, 8, 9 years old. my parents would drag me and my brother out from the tv to see shows. when you are a kid and you see "phantom of the opera" and sunday in the park with george." in arts class i was the kid that made the papier-mache phantom mask in my class. i was like running around the class, scaring the girls. >> jimmy: even the clarinet players would beat you up. >> that's true. >> jimmy: get him, guys. you made your own mask, huh? >> yes, made my own mask. remarkably i am not single at the moment. >> jimmy: do you have the mask still? >> i think my parents. they have. >> jimmy: they better have that. they must be so excited. they're probably the onces that forced you to listen to it. >> here's our little phantom. it's true. it's ablast. a high five to your former self believe it or not. i was picked on in school. when you are on abby road,
singing the songs as a 34-year-old you were singing in your bedroom, when you were 10. nice when you break out of your bubble and appreciate it. >> jimmy: were you thrilled to record at abby road? >> i was thrilled. the walls have so much history. not so shabby in l.a. with great recording studio. you get abby road. not only the acoustic, history, lester smith takes care of all of the old microphones from back in the day. i sang some where over the rainy into john lennon's emi microphones. all the mikes are saved. the dna and the spittle alone. >> jimmy: worth giving those things a lick. >> it is -- i felt amazing after doing that. i tell you. >> jimmy: you did. on a tour bus? or fly around? >> no, i like the tour bus. the tour bus is a great way. i love driving across america. stopping at old truck stops. getting out and seeing the country. and the tour bus is great. very cozy. you have a bed in the very back. like a cocoon. i sleep great on the tour bus. >> jimmy: you do? >> way better on the bus than i
do in a hotel room or plane anywhere else. because the rumble, and it just, i don't know it keeps me. i sleepwalk and sleep talk a lot. >> jimmy: do you really? >> being on the bus and being enclosed is good for me. i don't sleep talk back there. >> jimmy: you could sleep drive. a real problem. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you sleepwalk. >> how did we get to toledo? >> jimmy: you sleep talk. do people tell you what you are saying? >> i used to be told i would sleep talk in a relationship. now i have an app i listen to. i set this app sleep talker, or something, it sets your microphone when it hears you make noise it will record you. in the morning, you can wake up and listen to it. hear what you said while you were sleeping. like 90% of the time my dog snoring or something. but the other 10% of the time, i, i'll freak out. i'll go, no, no, no, no, no. shia labouf in the "transformer movies." >> jimmy: what, you have to make a hidden track on the album.
>> there are no hidden tracks any more. go 15 minutes later, you go, no, no, no, no, no, no. >> jimmy: what else do you say? >> the other night i didn't get my girlfriend in the morning said, you know you weren't what did i say? you were british last night. looked her straight in the eye and went, oh, my, my, my, my, my, my. >> jimmy: come on. you did? >> i did. i was like. apparently like a combo of george takei and downton abby. >> jimmy: that's very weird. >> terrifying and complementary i think. who knows. yeah. it's we're. i'm weird. >> jimmy: does she react positively to this? >> she like kind of knows she can say, you are dreaming. there have been times i have been sleep talking and, and really snotty about the fact that she thinks i am sleep talking. in my dream i don't think i am. so she'll be like, babe, your's
talking in your sleep. i'll be like, i don't think i am. and i most certainly am. so, yeah, usually a little go back to sleep. >> jimmy: that's pretty crazy. >> yeah, the bus is better. >> jimmy: i want to ask you, the photographs of you on the album. there you are posing. it seem, almost seem a little embarrassed. then on the front, it's, looks like some one is following you? >> yeah. the record label really liked the picture. they were look, you look kind of angry there. you kind of look. there was somebody on the street, downtown l.a., 12:30 in the morning, yelling at us. what's going on over there? it was me, going we have to get out of here. that's the shot. photographs for the next album. is that possible? >> they would be better. would you? >> jimmy: 100%. >> you'll put bacon on my head. >> jimmy: i promise, very tasteful. something that your fans will appreciate.
>> i think there is a book in the making. >> jimmy: wonderful coffee table book. thank you for singing the tweets of donald trump, beautiful. >> thank you very much. you know, it's look bernie and elton. you know you are only as good as the word you receive. it's a gift. >> jimmy: josh groban, his album "stages." see josh live on tour. starting september 12th in atlanta. josh will sing for us when we come back. we'll be right back with josh! [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented
[ cheers and applause ] try to remember the kind of september when life was slow and oh so mellow try to remember the kind of september when grass was green and grain was yellow try to remember the kind of september when you were a young and callow fellow try to remember and if you remember then follow deep in december it's nice to