tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 18, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
thanks to all of you for coming. i'm so glad you're with us. i don't know if you know this. but today on this day we're celebrating not one but two holidays today. international women's day, which is a day on which we celebrate the achievements of women around the world and also -- [ cheers and applause ] national pancake day. the day we eat pancakes. you know, women and pancakes are two of my favorite kinds of people. [ laughter ] so i came up with a plan tonight to celebrate both. i bought a pancake printer. now, this is a machine -- i'm going to show it to you in a second. but you can scan an image and the printer will make a pancake out of it. it's called the pancake bot. i bought this -- my wife declared this to be, and this is a quote, "this is the dumbest thing you've ever bought." and i buy a lot of dumb things. so this one's been sitting on our kitchen counter for three weeks because i have nowhere to put it. but tonight is the night on which my investment pays off. are you ready, guillermo?
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: in honor of international women's day we have a famous woman's face being pumped onto the griddle right now. is it in progress or is it going right now or what? >> yeah, it's working right now. >> jimmy: it is working. so you can see it's printing it out. takes about, i don't know, ten minutes per pancake. this is not the ideal product for a large family. but it's fun. and let us know when she's ready, and then we'll have the big reveal of who it is. okay? >> sure, i'll let you know. >> jimmy: thank you very much. chef guillermo over there. we have a good show for you tonight. from the new hbo series "vinyl" ray romano is with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] normally that would be plenty. but also, from the popular donald trump reality show, mitt romney is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you know in the movies when the monster's rampaging through the city and all hope seems to be lost and then the government tracks down a scientist who swore he would never come out of retirement and asks him to save us? that's why mitt romney is here
to destroy the donald on national pancake day. [ laughter ] today is what cnn is calling super tuesday 2. there were primaries and caucuses in four states today. michigan, hawaii, idaho and mississippi. donald trump was in mississippi yesterday. and i don't know if he was confused. maybe he's forgetting where he is now. he's been in so many places. but weirdly, he took time out of his speech in mississippi to talk about the potatoes in idaho. >> the greatest potato group in the world, idaho. i love idaho. i love idaho. i told them, i just tweeted, i said i love you potatoes, i hope you're going to vote for me. i'll protect you. nobody's going to take those potatoes away from idaho. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: was there a threat made on the potatoes? because -- is isis planning to cripple our supply of tater tots? [ laughter ] meanwhile, you know, donald trump's nearest competitor, senator ted cruz, was in virginia. he must not have secret service protection because tmz got right up close to ask ted about his
merchandise. >> senator cruz, what's going to be good about the yoga mats you got coming out? >> listen, i encourage everyone to go to our website, tedcruz.org, and get a breathe yoga mat. it's very good for calming. if you find your head exploding. if you find yourself filled with rage and unable to control yourself. spend some time on the breathe yoga mat. and it will bring you to peace. >> jimmy: he is going to make a heck of a qvc host when he loses this election. [ laughter ] i don't know who -- i'm not sure who would buy a ted cruz yoga mat. but they're a real thing. they're american made. unlike ted himself. [ laughter ] that's not all the cruz campaign has to offer. for the chef in the family you can preorder this, the official ted cruz grill spatula. with the ted flame burning right there in the center. same spatula he uses to scoop the gel into his hair. all the candidates have merchandise for sale. even the candidates who've dropped out. this is from jeb bush's website. the jeb bush guaca bowle.
jeb's logo on it. donald trump did to jeb bush's spirit. the description says jeb and columba love whipping up now you can get into the act with this guaca bowle. jeb's secret guacamole recipe not included yet. his secret recipe for guacamole is an avocado and a spoon. [ laughter ] unfortunately since jeb dropped out that is no longer available. dr. ben carson had some fun items for sale too. like, this the ben carson scrub top, complete with a name tag that says ben carson, pediatric neurosurgeon. it isn't so much a great way to support ben carson as it is a way to impersonate ben carson. [ laughter ] it's a way to do illegal surgery under an assumed name. he also had merchandise for your four-legged friends if you're in the market. this is a pet bandanna. even the dog looks bored. [ laughter ] that dog hates ben carson. you can tell.
unusual shirt. it's this marco rubaeo. [ laughter ] you know, for the one marco rubio supporter who knows what the word bae means. i wonder if they sold any. john kasich's store, not a single item in his store has his face on it, mostly because nobody remembers what he looked like. but look at all this beautiful zazzle style crap. i especially love the sticker in the right-hand corner. you can see "america buckle up." thanks, dad. [ laughter ] can i borrow 40 bucks while we're at it? rand paul has been gone for quite a while but his campaign store is still open, which means there's still time to get you a pair of rand paul freedom socks. [ laughter ] imagine how turned on your wife will be when you sashay out of the bathroom wearing nothing but and they're only $15 a pair, by the way, which is less than eight bucks each. surprisingly, donald trump's shop is slightly more subdued than the other candidates. other than the fact that he's offering 17 different kinds of
he's also selling baby onesies. because you know, babies scream all day also. so that's a perfect gift for them. [ laughter ] [ applause ] the democrats aren't doing so great in the merchandise department either. hillary clinton here gets the "mom's trying too hard to be cool in front of her daughter's friends award" for this "yaaas hillary" shirt. she seems like a real yaaas type. so hillary. and finally this is not something that bernie sanders is selling on his official page. but i think he should. this is for sale. this is the bernie sanders ceramic pipe. for tobacco only. those bernie sanders supporters love their tobacco. it's the perfect way to say i support my favorite candidate, then forgot to vote for him. [ laughter ] a lot of good stuff. by the way, i looked this up on amazon. i wonder if mitt romney knows about it. the mitt romney chia pet. it's a real item.
throws his afro in the ring. [ laughter ] hey, guillermo, how's it going with the -- are you doing shots of syrup over there? >> i love doing shots. >> jimmy: very good. so let's check in with our pancake and our pancake bot there. is it done? oh, it is done. flip it. are you supposed to flip it? >> no. 30 more seconds. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean 30 more seconds? >> how much you pay for this thing? >> jimmy: you don't want to know how much i paid for that thing. flip that over and let's see how it looks. why to you say 30 more seconds? how do you know? >> because this thing has to move. >> jimmy: all right. and? wow. what is that, pacman? who is that? >> i don't have no idea. >> jimmy: who was it supposed to be when you were going in? >> hillary clinton. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] all right.
well, try another one and we'll see if we can get it to work. because it did work yesterday. >> this is the dumbest idea. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have to take a break. when we come back, again we'll check in with the dumbest idea. i'll update you on the new cast of "dancing with the stars." and we'll meet some dumb people on the street after this. so stick around.
innovative sonicare technology with up to 27% more brush movements versus oral b. get healthier gums in 2 weeks guaranteed. innovation and you. philips sonicare. save when you buy the most loved rechargeable toothbrush brand in america. pepsi cola getting unlimited data for your family is a struggle. other carriers either don't offer it, or it's too expensive! not t-mobile! introducing the best data plan ever! get three lines of unlimited 4g lte data for just fifty bucks each, and get a fourth line, free! yup!-we'll give you a fourth line at no extra cost. so tell those other guys you're done worrying about data. get three lines of unlimited data for fifty bucks each, and a fourth line on us.
huh. introducing centrum vitamints. a new multivitamin you enjoy like a mint... with a full spectrum of nutrients... new centrum vitamints. red lobster's lobsterfest is back. so come try the largest variety of lobster dishes of the year, like lobster lover's dream or new dueling lobster tails. it's a party on every plate, and you're invited.
>> jimmy: all right, you. well, i don't know if you heard, but they introduced a new cast of "dancing with the stars" to the world today. [ cheers and applause ] really? this is how we mark the change of seasons in l.a. oh, my god, "dancing with the stars" season is over, "the bachelor" season is -- it goes so fast. but this is season 22 of "dancing." this time the cast includes laird butler, jennifer moya, micah morris, and a bunch of other names i just made up. i was testing you. [ laughter ] some of the real stars competing are the super bowl mvp von miller, steelers wide receiver antonio brown, donald trump's ex-wife marla maples. for real. geraldo rivera. kim fields from "facts of life." jodie sweetin from "full house." each of these people, each of these celebrities had a choice. the choice was go to jail for back taxes or go on "dancing with the stars." [ laughter ] and they made the right
congratulations to all our "dancing" stars. we wish each of you a mirrored ball of your own. so back to the other reality competition show going on right now, the race for president of the united states. there were primaries and caucuses in four states today, michigan, hawaii, idaho, and mississippi. you see these states abbreviated if you're watching cable news to mi, hi, id, and ms. this is what you write on the envelope if you send something in the mail to one of those states. but i wonder how many people still know about this kind of stuff. so this afternoon we went out on the street and we asked people identify the states that voted today by their official abbreviation. so we showed -- well, this is what happened. >> hi. what's your name and where are you from? >> hannah giorgio, i'm from michigan. >> hannah, what states are these? >> hawaii. >> yes. >> indiana? >> no. >> i don't know. >> close. >> idaho? >> yes.
>> missouri? >> no. >> mississippi? >> yes. >> cool. minnesota? >> where did you say you were from? >> michigan. oh, duh. michigan. >> minnesota? >> no. >> missouri. >> try again. >> missouri. no, not missouri? michigan. not michigan. >> miami. oh, no, that's not a state. >> no, it's not. >> indiana. >> no. >> i don't know. >> almost. >> i do know. >> closer. >> i don't. i don't know. >> say it really fast. >> i don't know. i don't know. i'm confused. >> indiana. >> no. potatoes. >> potatoes. >> demi moore. >> that didn't help me at all. >> this is hard. >> i'm not a ho. >> huh?
>> oh. idaho. >> yes. >> missouri. >> no. >> chicago, i would say? >> chi -- i don't even know. i'm not going to lie. minnesota. >> no. >> you guys were thinking the same thing, though. that was pretty close. >> was not close. >> not close. >> minneapolis? minnesota? >> no. not minnesota. i said that. dang. mi. >> hawaii. >> yes. >> idaho. >> yes. >> mississippi. >> yes. >> michigan. >> yes. correct. [ applause ] can you please high-five this dude? >> i'm sorry. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you can't expect them to be good at geography and high fives. tonight on the show mitt romney is here. we'll be right back with ray romano.
at straight talk wireless... ...we believe your tax refund should last. all. year. long. don't waste it on a pricey wireless plan. lose the contracts, mystery fees and overages. switch to straight talk... ...to get coverage on america's largest and most dependable 4g lte networks. for half the cost. that's right. half. get any of the latest samsung phones or bring your own phone. unlimited talk, text and data is 45 bucks a month. and nothing more. find out more at straighttalkswitch.com. the exact moment you know you love a home,
there's no one road out there. no one surface... no one speed... no one way of driving on each and every road. but there is one car that can conquer them all. the mercedes-benz c-class. five driving modes let you customize the steering, shift points, and suspension to fit the mood you're in... and the road you're on. the 2016 c-class. lease the c300 for $399 a month at your local
>> jimmy: this is embarrassing. who was that supposed to be? >> supposed to be oprah. >> jimmy: that was supposed to be oprah? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, this is so disappointing. >> i told you it was a bad idea. >> jimmy: thanks, guillermo. >> next time buy potatoes so we can make french fries. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. i will. thank you tonight on the show, the former governor of massachusetts and new arch-enemy of donald trump mitt romney is with us. he is mad as heck and he's not going to be tolerant of it anymore. tomorrow night louis c.k., connie briton, and music from the wild feathers. and on thursday, viola davis, isla fisher, and music from the suffers. please join us then. our first guest tonight is an emmy-winning actor and comedian
everybody. his new show is produced by martin scorsese and mick jagger, it's called "vinyl." watch it sundays on hbo. please welcome ray romano. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: it's very good to see you. i've been watching you on "vinyl," and i have to say i'm so impress by -- not that you weren't always a great actor but on a sitcom it's hard to tell that somebody's a really good actor. and you are. i'm very proud of you. you're a very good actor on the show. [ cheers and applause ] >> i chalk it up to the beard and editing. >> jimmy: no. on "parenthood" you were great. on "men of a certain age" you were great. >> it's great to be with -- i mean, it's scorsese and terry winter from "boardwalk empire."
group of people, you know. so they just make you look good. >> jimmy: and even getting picked by them is a great compliment. >> crazy. >> jimmy: the show for those who haven't seen it is about the music industry in new york set in the '70s when punk rock and funk -- was that something you were into? were you part of that scene at that time? >> i grew up in queens. and that's kind of where i stayed. [ laughter ] that all was happening in manhattan. and you'd have to go over a bridge to get there. [ laughter ] and i was kind of a nerd who didn't want to do that. yeah. >> jimmy: no bridge crossing. >> no. i wasn't a concertgoer, you know. >> jimmy: really? >> i love the music. that music is the music i grew up with. so it's cool to be -- i'm seeing actors play these people. david bowie, led zeppelin. but i never -- i went to -- my first concert, this is true, my first concert i took my girl, my first girlfriend to john denver. john denver was my first concert. >> jimmy: how old were you? >> by the way, john denver was
i was 18. i went to see john denver. and i ventured into manhattan. i went to madison square garden. and the starland vocal band opened up for them. you people are too young to know that they had a song, "afternoon delight." >> jimmy: a very dirty song. it didn't seem dirty but it was. >> yeah. so that was it. >> jimmy: did that work with the girlfriend? did it result in an afternoon delight? >> oh, i needed -- i needed more than that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. no, nothing worked. [ laughter ] listen, i just want to -- i don't want to interrupt but i just want to say one thing. first of all, thank you because my son matthew has been working on this show for almost three years. and i want to -- if it's okay i want to bring him out just to -- where is he? matt, come on out. >> jimmy: yeah, why not? there's matt. wow. [ cheers and applause ] all dressed up. wow. he looks nice. >> and i just want to -- how long have you been here? >> it's been like two and a half
>> two and a half years he's been here and he's been doing great. and i -- well, we both think it's time for a raise i think. [ laughter ] what do you think? >> jimmy: this is probably not the best spot to have this conversation. >> but i can't get a hold of you anywhere else. [ laughter ] i think this is the perfect time. i think he's -- >> jimmy: well, you know, maybe after the show we can sit down, you and your dad, and we could -- >> let's be honest. i'm not going to see you after the show. and i know this isn't appropriate. and i'm just being a father. but i think, you know, he's an integral part of the show. i think matthew shaquille romano has done -- [ laughter ] has done some great things in helping the show -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's great. he's a really great kid. definitely. >> and he's important. he's an important part of the show. >> jimmy: i mean, he's an important p.a. here on the show. and as far as p.a.s go, yeah,
>> well -- >> jimmy: production assistant. >> i know. i know what -- i know what p.a. stands for. >> jimmy: oh. >> he told me he was an executive producer. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, no, no. he's -- >> matt? >> jimmy: yeah, he's kind of -- oh. did matt leave? [ cheers and applause ] can i tell you something? yeah. no, i'm sorry there was a miscommunication there. >> we have this -- he has this problem. >> jimmy: this is not the first time this has happened? >> no. so he's not -- when you're out, he's not going to guest-host? >> jimmy: no. yeah, no, he's not -- he's not -- it's not going to be the -- >> son of a bitch! again! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: can i just say this? in your son's defense, he did do something great for me. three things we don't know about your dad. and he did give me three things that we didn't know about you. >> well, that's fine. but by the way, before we even talk about this, i do want to truth is he has been working
>> jimmy: i've never seen him in a suit before, but yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> bring him back out. >> jimmy: yeah, bring matt back out again. >> he's not a liar. >> jimmy: i need verification on >> but you're helping me teach him some values about work, and i appreciate that. >> jimmy: i'm glad i could help. >> so go ahead. >> jimmy: matt said that you love, you love the national anthem, the "star-spangled banner." >> yeah. >> he does. >> jimmy: is that really true? >> that is the truth. i love to -- i'm at an age now -- i don't know. i mean, you're not as old as me but you're there. >> jimmy: i'm 48. >> you're in the middle. i cry very easy. and i like crying. and i think a good national anthem gets me every time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: if you would go to a lakers game or something you would start crying? >> yeah. if it's a good one. when i go to -- like my son is on a basketball team, my other son. his high school.
get up. and if she starts -- i'll wait. you know, i'll wait for a couple bars. you know, because some of them are horrible. >> jimmy: right. >> but if she's good i'll take out my iphone for later and record it. >> jimmy: and then you'll watch it later? >> yeah. but it's dangerous because once you start recording then if you realize oh, she is horrible, you can't take it down then because the other -- the parents are looking at you. and you can't say oh, no -- she sucks. but i've got a bunch of kids singing the anthem. >> jimmy: that's very sweet and very patriotic. >> thanks for telling him. >> jimmy: here's one more. matt says you're obsessed with an online quiz site or an app maybe called sporkle. >> yeah, i don't know if you know sporkle but it's good for mind games, logic quizzes. again, as we're getting older i'm worried about keeping sharp. so i memorized all the -- they have a thing where you can memorize all the countries within 15 minutes, you have to name all the countries. and spell them all. >> jimmy: all of them? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how many are there? >> according to them, 196 countries.
and then i started doing capitals. i've got all the capitals except asia. i haven't conquered asia yet. >> jimmy: how about the country eritrea, what is the capital city -- >> eritrea. >> jimmy: eritrea. >> you've got to give me a minute here. >> jimmy: okay. >> asmara. a-s-m-a-r-a. is that right? do you know the answer? >> jimmy: i have no idea. >> so i can say anything. >> jimmy: yeah, you can say will know. >> who's from eritrea here? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is there any practical use for this knowledge, by the way? >> you know, it's good with uber drivers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why? >> because you just break the ice. you break the ice. you say -- you tell them where you're going. you say where you're from. and like my last uber driver said he was from mali. and i said, bamako! [ laughter ] and he took me home for dinner. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one more thing that matt told us.
regular-sized testicle and one dwarf testicle that is the size of a pea and the doctor told you you could have the dwarf testicle removed but you never wanted to because you believe it's lucky. [ laughter ] oh, matt's gone again. [ cheers and applause ] is that true? >> we know he lies. [ laughter ] we know he lies. he lied about the executive producer. of course, he's -- he's creative. >> jimmy: is it true you named your testicles hall and oates? [ laughter ] >> if that was true, if what this kid came up with were true, i would not name -- abbott and costello maybe. you know, he's full of [ bleep ], this kid. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ray romano is here. the show's called "vinyl." we'll be right back.
that is cyber-crime and it affects each and every one of us. microsoft created the digital crimes unit to fight cyber-crime. we use the microsoft cloud to visualize information so we can track down the criminals. when it comes to the cloud, trust and security are paramount. we're building what we learn back into the cloud to make people and organizations safer. today's the day! oh look! creepy gloves for my feet. see when i was a kid there was a handle. and a face. this is nice. and does it come in a california king? getting roid rage. hemorrhoid. these are the worst, right? i'm gonna buy them. boom. i'll take them. impulse buy. ommmmmmmmmmm. american express presents the blue cash everyday card with no annual fee. it's all happening. cash back on purchases. here we go!
to those who don't run from mud...but through it. who know it wasn't a day at the beach... unless someone got buried. to the fullbacks... gearheads... and those with green thumbs. to the sticky... the stinky... even those who get a little icky. to all the beautiful mess makers, keep it up... with delta in2ition plus h2okinetic, you can. see what delta can do. mom, who is that? hello! who? these dresses are fantastic. they're old navy. thanks. old navy?! all dresses are on sale up to 40% off. oh i have to go, to old navy right now. alright, it's ford truck month. this is the time, this is the place. and this is ford f-150. with a high-strength, military grade aluminum-alloy body... it's up to 700 pounds lighter than before, so you can tow more of this... haul more of that.
five-year cost-to-own award. which will save you lots of this. this is the time. now, get 0% financing for 60 months, plus $1,800 cash back on a 2015 f-150. see your local ford dealer today. out on the town or in for the night, at&t helps keep everyone connected. right now at at&t, buy the new samsung galaxy s7 and get one free. no matter how you hang out, share every minute of it. buy one water resistant samsung galaxy s7 and get one free. and right now, get up to $650 in credits per line to help you switch to at&t. because i'm a woman... do you think i'm gonna crack under pressure or conquer the field? defy expectations any day with always infinity. made with flexfoam. absorbs 10x its weight. rewrite the rules. always. fact.
that goes to work in minutes. the only advil with a rapid release formula for rapid relief of tough pain. look for advil film-coated in the white box! relief doesn't get any faster than this. advil. pepsi cola get to kohl's super saturday - this saturday! and save on early birds 'till 1pm. like 40 to 60% off dresses. save on sport shirts and knit tops for him. and on all cookware and food prep. everyone get kohl's cash too!
you want to apologize. that's about time. and there you go. you're the visionary. and i'm the bag man. >> [ bleep ]. >> you ruined my life! and my family's life. okay? i've got a sweet family. they're [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: that is bobby cannavale and ray romano in "vinyl." [ cheers and applause ] it airs sunday nights on hbo. you are -- i love the haircut, by the way. that's a great -- >> thank you. real hair -- a lot of people think i'm wearing a wig but it's -- >> jimmy: that's real? >> thank god. i could not support a bald head. thank god i have hair. >> jimmy: there is a moral center to the show, which there might not be. it's your character on the show. >> well, for now. you've only seen four episodes. >> jimmy: okay. >> i mean, he is -- he kind of is. and look, bobby's the anti-hero also. bobby cannavale. bobby cannavale's the star of the show, and he's tremendous. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but things get a little hairy with my guy too. he goes to -- let's see, we're
in three more episodes, episode 7, i -- this is not a plug. this is a warning. yeah. i get naked and i have a -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, really? [ cheers and applause ] >> now you're mocking me. >> jimmy: is that a first time? i assume it is. >> first time on camera naked, yeah. and it's vegas. we're in vegas. a three-way happens. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] and the good kind. the good kind. >> jimmy: not with your buddies? >> yeah, yes. it's not two guys and me. no. [ laughter ] it gets weird. >> jimmy: was that -- i imagine you're uncomfortable just in general but that must have been extra uncomfortable. >> very stressful. very stressful.
>> you know, it's fun, and then there's -- it's not fun because you're worried -- don't let it to be too much fun, if you know what i'm saying. you know what i'm saying. >> jimmy: i do. yeah, yeah. >> you don't want them to have to green screen your crotch out. i've never done it. i did one -- here's my experience with the sex scene. "men of a certain age." i had the show "men of a certain age." that was a drama comedy and my character's a character who was married for 20 years, now divorced, on his first date and he's worried about it's going to end up in sex and it's going to -- things are going to happen too fast, if you know what i mean. so we do the scene and the scene calls for sex to happen and for me to push her off me because things are going too fast and run into the bathroom with my pants around my ankles yelling "leg cramp." yes. that's my excuse. leg cramp.
has been activated. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. >> so i'm nervous just to do the scene. we do the scene. boom. i push her off. i run into the bathroom. my pants are around my -- leg cramp. cut. the director yells cut. i look down, pull my pants up, and there's a goo liquid all around the crotch. and i'm like -- you know, because i would know -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you'd be one of the first to know. >> yes. and what happened was my purell exploded when i was running. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's the absolute truth. so i had to -- wardrobe had to blow-dry. but i had to show every crew member this is what happened. >> jimmy: boy, the ocd really bit you on the ass there, didn't it? >> but it also saved me. because i have that as an
>> jimmy: you can look at it that way, yeah. in any event, you're doing a fantastic job. i can't wait to see you. in a threesome. ray romano, "vinyl" sunday night on hbo. we'll be right back with mitt romney. [ cheers and applause ] some people sleep on water. people think it's funny to push others into water. and smart people, like this person, say there's about to be even more water. there's about to be even more water. when water freezes, people play on it. when it bubbles, people sit in it. when it moves, people slide down it. ok, smile. in fact, there's so much water out there, why in the world would you get a phone that can't get wet? ok, try again. the new water-resistant galaxy s7 edge. happy anniversary dinner, darlin' can this much love be cleaned by a little bit of dawn ultra? oh yeah. one bottle has the grease cleaning power of two bottles of this bargain brand.
(vo) you can check on them. you can worry about them. you can even choose a car for them. (mom) honey, are you ok? (child) i'm ok. (announcer vo) love. (mom) we're ok. (announcer vo) it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. i'm going to share a photo of my eggo waffle when it pops up. that's so interesting honey because i'm going to share a photo of my eggo waffle when it pops up. l'eggo my eggo l'eggo my eggo (answering machine) hey! leave a message. hi, i know you're there, 'cause i can see you. i'm calling you to tell you to l'eggo my eggo! anncr: some things are too delicious to share. golden crispy, warm and fluffy eggo waffles.
jim beam and apple have come together to make history. introducing jim beam apple. poured over ice and served with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge. to make a crisp refreshing jim beam apple and soda. ah, a classic case of who dunnit? luckily, jay chews trident to help clean and protect his teeth, so he can claim his innocence with a convincing grin. that's it jay, they'll never know.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back. our next guest is the -- was the 2012 republican nominee for president. he's returned to public life to do battle with donald trump. he's the former governor of massachusetts. please welcome mitt romney. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. and you're just as handsome in real life as you appear to be on television. >> you say that to all the guys, i know. >> jimmy: you have big hands, too. i like that in a politician. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is the first time i think anybody's ever come to the show to stop someone from doing something. [ laughter ] people want people to go see this or do that -- >> it's the country, though, it's a country we're talking about.
going to be the leader of the free world. and i don't think donald trump should be that leader. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i guess they agree. i wanted -- i'm curious as to just how this began brewing. like were you at home, sitting in the mitt cave, watching donald trump on television and you just got so angry you ran out to the driveway and stomped on a ketchup packet? how did it happen? what specifically -- what was the straw that broke the camel's back? >> well, it's been building over time. although i thought that i'd be best being a neutral arbiter here and calling balls and strikes and a foul now and then. and i did that. but you know, over time, with the mocking a reporter that's disabled, saying a reporter that asked tough questions did so because she was on her menstrual cycle, saying that george w. bush lied, saying that john mccain isn't a hero, and then disparaging all muslims and then for me the straw that broke the camel's back was the pretending that we don't know who david duke is, we don't know about the
we were driving. and he said to me, "dad, what are you going to tell the grandkids you did to stop donald trump?" and i said you know what, i've got to do something, now's the time. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know what i would say to my dad -- if my dad said that to me, i would have said, i don't know, what are you going to do? i'm getting out of the car. because donald trump is not a person you want to mess with. i mean, he is -- he can be very, very vicious. if he is elected president, you're going to have to move. [ laughter ] you know that, right? >> that's probably the case. but i will make sure that he does not audit my taxes. he apparently is very good at auditing taxes. >> jimmy: what about this tax thing? you mentioned his tax returns. he hasn't released tax returns and people said, well, you took a long time to release your tax returns. but ultimately you did release your tax returns. what do you think we're going to find in his tax returns and is there something you know that we don't? >> well, actually, i released my back taxes in january of 2012. so he should have released them
he went on various shows and said he would release them, that they were beautiful. [ laughter ] and now he's pushing back, maybe he -- my guess is he will never release his tax returns because they'll show something that really will surprise people and cause a lot of people to move away from him. i don't know what it will be. but when somebody tries to dissuade and push aside and divert you know something's going on. either he's not making the money people think he is or not paying much in taxes or taking deductions that don't seem right or not giving money to the veterans he cares so deeply about in his speeches. something will point out he's not the person he's been telling people he is. >> jimmy: pardon my ignorance but aren't you required to release your tax returns? >> you're not. you're not required to. it's just been a long tradition in this country that presidents say you want to take a look at who i am? it's not just what i'm going to tell you about myself, it's what the real deal is. and when it comes to donald trump there are some of us who think he's not the real deal, that he's a phoney. and others who think he is. hey, prove it to us. give us the tax returns. let us take a look and see if you have done what you've said you've done.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you say he's a phony. but we have a -- i'm sure everybody's played this clip and confronted you with it. but there was a happier time for you and donald trump. there was a time where he was supporting you and he actually gave you his endorsement. at that time did you think he was a phony? >> well, when you're running for president, you want a lot of people to endorse you. and 61 million people voted for me. i was very pleased with that. but i would not endorse 61 million people for president. i'm happy to have the endorsement of a number of folks but i wouldn't endorse them. but what donald trump has said during this campaign. when he said for instance, what he did about george bush, john mccain, and then says putin, on the other hand, is a strong, powerful leader. he's got this all mixed up. had he said the things he said now during that last year i wouldn't have asked for his endorsement. >> jimmy: you would not have asked for his not endorsement. >> no. >> jimmy: and i'm sure you hate this. this picture's not framed in your home? [ laughter ] have any of the other candidates called you and said hey, thanks for saying that?
the other candidates. >> jimmy: oh. >> and said look, i'm happy to do anything i can to be of help in your campaigns. i don't know which of the three of you's going to be the strongest contender. but the great majority of republicans want someone other than donald trump, and i want to help that person become the president. >> jimmy: of those three which one do you like the most? >> we're going to wait and see who can do the best job tonight, who can do the best job in the coming weeks, who can be the most effective posting up against donald trump. >> jimmy: so any of those three guys you're okay with. >> i will be happy to endorse any one of those three. >> jimmy: how do you know they're not phonies? have you checked these guys out? have you seen their tax returns? >> yeah. they've put their tax returns out. they're pretty much laying out what they think the american people want to know about them. >> jimmy: now, we have -- this was actually your idea. and i like this idea. we've collected some mean tweets that people including donald trump have written about you. and we're going to take a break. when we come back, you're going to read some of those. share some of those with us.
>> probably. >> jimmy: so if it came down to it and you had to vote for either donald trump or hillary clinton, what would you do in that situation? >> well, i'm not planning on that happening. i'm going to do everything i can to support someone who can actually make sure our nominee is someone who represents conservative ideals and someone i can be proud of. [ applause ] >> jimmy: let's speak hypothetically, mitt. who would you vote -- if you had to pick one of those two people? >> i would either write in a name on the ballot or i'd find some other candidate in there who was a conservative that i could support. >> jimmy: would you, if you are writing in a name, would you write my name on that ballot? [ cheers and applause ] >> you write mine, i'll write yours. >> jimmy: okay. that would be pretty exciting to get your endorsement. >> one vote each, right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: obviously, you're a republican. you're siding with the republicans. you want somebody from the republican party. bernie sanders, what is your take on him? do you think he's an honest guy? do you think he is a guy that means what he says when -- >> i do.
i just think he's terribly misguided. ronald reagan used to say it's not that liberals are ignorant. it's just that what they know is wrong. and what bernie sanders knows is simply wrong. he's not going to help people come out of poverty. he's not going to build a strong middle class with policies that have been a failure around the world. >> jimmy: and yet given the choice you would select bernie sanders over donald trump. yes? >> no, no, no, no. >> jimmy: oh. >> i'm not -- >> jimmy: sorry, i'm getting carried away with myself. you know, it's funny because your hair is so perfect. [ laughter ] you must look at bernie sanders and you go like what is this maniac doing when he gets up there? [ laughter ] >> you know, he is follically challenged. so you do what you can. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: of course the convention will come and at that time if there are -- one candidate has the majority of the delegates that candidate will be the nominee. if no candidate has the majority of the delegates, then they have to figure things out. whether they keep voting until somebody has a majority.
>> jimmy: is there any chance you can wind up in there and you could wind up being a guy they nominate to be the candidate? is that possible? >> no. >> jimmy: that's not possible? >> there are four people running for president. one of them will be our nominee. this is not the first time something like that has happened, by the way, if it does happen. in the republican party history there have been i think 10 occasions where someone has -- where there's been a contested convention. and in that situation seven of the ten times the person who did not have the plurality going into the contested convention ended up being the nominee. >> jimmy: when was the last time? was it a long time ago? >> i think 1948 was the last time that happened. it's been a while. >> jimmy: a different world at that time. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so the only reason you're involved in any of this is simply to get rid of donald trump. >> look, it's 24 grandkids. it's saying, you know, what kind of america are we going to have? are we going to remain the leader of the free world? are we going to be the shining city on a hill? and this week with the passing of nancy reagan we're reminded
presidents in the past. i want to make sure we have a great president, not someone who disparages people based on their religion or their race or their gender. this is a time for inclusion and greatness, and donald trump doesn't represent that to me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, i have some tweets here. these are real tweets. these were made by various parties, including -- >> i'll sit up for this. >> jimmy: -- your friend donald trump. so if you don't mind, i'll hand you each one. it'll be painless if you just go through them. and there you go. all right. mitt romney reading -- >> @realdonaldtrump. mitt romney had his chance and blew it. lindsey graham ran for president, got zero, capitalized, and quit. why are they now spokesmen against me? sad. got zero. got zero. the only people i know who got zero are the ones who paid 25 grand to be at trump university. they're the ones who got zero. [ applause ] >> jimmy: right.
>> okay. donald trump is trying to pull america back from the brink and freakin mitt romney is playing with matches in the bathroom. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is there any truth to that? >> i'm not touching that. i'll tell you that. [ laughter ] okay. @mittromney equals loser. that's true, actually. i lost. [ laughter ] you may not have noticed. let's see. who are you anyway? and by the way, where do you buy the shoe polish you wear in your hair? [ laughter ] @trump2016. i buy it at costco in bulk. [ laughter ] [ applause ] let's see. i actually met mitt romney at a bank a couple months back. i'm now working at a time machine to go back and punch him in the throat. [ laughter ] #trump. yeah, pick or it didn't happen. >> jimmy: one more.
@cheddarbiscuit. [ laughter ] i'd pay good money to watch mitt romney crying in a ball pit at a chuck e. cheese. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: how much? >> yeah, how much? that's the right question. something tells me that cheddar biscuit may have had personal experience doing something like that himself. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: one final question. you've made a lot of money. you've been very successful. how much would you pay donald trump to get out of the race? >> there's not a right price for that. donald trump just needs to get out of the race. he said in there that he's sad. let's make people happy and let's have a candidate we can be proud of. >> jimmy: thank you, mitt. mitt romney, everybody. thanks to ray romano. apologies to matt damon. we're out of time. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching.
[ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, beauty and the drug lord. kate dell castillo, the mexican superstar whose cloak and dagger meeting wilt the drug kingpin el chapo shocked fans around the world. how the flirtatious messages with el chapo began. >> a crush? >> maybe, yes. >> new details of her journey with actor sean penn to spend time with the drug kingpin. prince charming, the royal who warms our hearts. he talks about his time piloting helicopters for the army, launching the invictus games for the wounded warriors, and his mother's legacy. the jaw-dropping verdict. the website gawker ordered to