tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC April 29, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
>> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. thanks for everything. you've joined us on what is a bittersweet night here in los angeles. after 20 years, kobe bryant tonight played his final game in purple and gold. he suited up for the lakers for the very last time. kobe's officially retired from basketball. the rest of the team retired in november. [ laughter ] now kobe bryant is going too. for some reason all day today and yesterday too, everyone kept asking me if i was going to the game. and i said no. people are like, uh. like i was a loser. i could have gone, i mean -- you know. i wasn't invited to go. but i'm sure if i'd asked they would have said maybe. right now i'm feeling like a loser again. tickets for the game were very
the average ticket price was a little bit more than $1,400 per seat. a pair of courtside seats went for $55,000. 80 bucks just to listen to the game on the radio in your car. really you had two choices. pay thousands to be a part of basketball history, or just lie and say you were there, for free. kobe merchandise is going for crazy sums of money. last week the lakers store started selling something called the "24 collection," limited edition items like this lamb skin leather kobe jacket. this would set you back $5,824. the 24 is kobe's number. go nuts and buy this leather cap which costs $38,024. who would spend that much on a hat? it doesn't even say "make america great again" on it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm a big fan of kobe and the lakers but if you spend $40,000 on a hat, you shouldn't
the end of an era. as kobe bryant finally passes the torch. not the ball, though. that goes home with him. we have some superstars of a different variety with us tonight, from "captain america: civil war," don cheadle, emily vancamp, paul bettany, and robert downey jr. when we return. i saw the movie, it's great. one of the highlights is a new spider-man. he's a teenager. you're going to like it. last night they unveiled the title and logo for the new spider-man film, "spider-man homecoming." which is interesting. when i was in high school, spider-man is what i was reading instead of going to homecoming. it's come full circle. back in the world of mortals, the race for president of the united states, looks like it's going be rocky for the
they could be headed for a contested convention and some prominent republican congressmen are saying they might not even go to the convention, which is in cleveland next summer. not because it might get crazy. they're saying they can't go because they have work to do. this summer. which these are congressmen. all of a sudden they've got work to do? maybe they just don't want to spend the weekend in cleveland. donald trump, however, will most certainly be there. even though he's publicly feuding with the head of the republican national committee. trump held a rally in rome, new york, yesterday where in the midst of his ranting and raving managed to make an interesting observation about some of his supporters. >> you know, the other day i was asked on one of the networks, i was asked a very good question. nato. i know about nato but i'm not an expert in nato. but i have a lot of common sense like a lot of the people here. not all of you but a lot of you, right? >> jimmy: is that a backhanded compliment?
the great thing about donald trump is he's mostly honest when he shouldn't be honest. but donald trump and his family were part of a cnn town hall last night in new york. he was joined by his children and wife malaria. and for me the biggest revelation from last night was, hot hell is this? she claims to be trump's daughter. she says her name is tiffany trump. how have we never seen her before? tiffany's mother is trump's second wife, marla maples. i looked her up, let's get to know her a little bit, shall we? as you see tiffany cares about world peace. she's patriotic. she's passionate about inflatable wildlife. and she's a sea captain. are we sure this is donald trump's daughter, not a fox news correspondent who wandered onstage? how is it possible ryan seacrest hasn't signed her up for a reality show yet? he's slipping. ever since "american idol" went away. we're not the only english-speaking country with a lot of nonsense going on in politics.
the house of commons. a member of parliament confronted british prime minister david cameron about his finances in a very donald trump-y way. >> i didn't receive a proper answer then. maybe dodgy dave will answer it now. >> i invite order. i invite the gentleman to withdraw that adjective he used a moment ago -- [ shouting ] >> i think he knows the word beginning with "d" and ending in "y" he inappropriately used. >> i still refer to him as dodgy dave. do what you like. >> jimmy: wow, wow. then he called him the f-word, which over there is fiddle-faddle. why does everything from england seem like a monty python sketch from 1986? bono from u2 spoke before a u.s. senate subcommittee yesterday where he suggested, this is true, the best way to top violent extremists is with comedy. he said laughing at these people
he suggested we send comedians like chris rock, amy schumer, and sacha baron cohen to the middle east. which -- maybe we start with bill cosby and see how that works. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: back to the really important stuff. the superheroes. there are so many comic book movies now. i want to get a sense of how many people know the characters. we went on the street and asked people, we said, name as many avengers as you can. then we asked them, name as many presidents as you can. so which do you think -- well, let's find out. >> name as many avengers as you can. >> as many avengers? captain america. hawkeye. the hulk. iron man. black widow. >> name as many u.s. presidents as you can.
um -- let's see. obama, george washington -- hm. wow. >> name as many avengers as you can. >> oh, captain america, thor, hulk -- black widow -- hawkeye, scarlet witch, quicksilver -- um, iron man -- uh -- i think that's it. is that it? okay. >> name as many u.s. presidents as you can. >> grover washington -- [ buzzer ] >> avengers? like chief of police beck? let's see. batman. robin. >> superman, batman -- >> avengers? >> i don't know.
colors? blue, pink? green, yellow? orange? >> dragnet. hawaii 5-0. >> name as many u.s. presidents as you can. >> forget it. i mean, i don't vote. i don't vote and i'm not political and i'm not religious. >> do you know any u.s. presidents? >> jackson. perot. >> when was perot president? >> you know, i really don't remember. i don't know. something like -- maybe the -- 870s? >> abe lincoln. thomas edison. >> thomas jefferson. franklin d. roosevelt. donald trump. >> name as many u.s. presidents as you can. >> washington, adams, jefferson, madison, monroe, adams, tyler, polk, taylor, fillmore, lincoln, johnson, grant, hayes,
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here's cousin sal servicing customers at the customer service counter at costco. >> sal: hello. welcome to costco. >> thank you. >> sal: you're returning this? let me have your card, please. i'll be with you in one second here. >> want to us go to another window? >> sal: no i'm just having a thing here.
>> okay. >> you sure are typing. >> sal: you guys are returning, right? >> yes. >> sal: returning something? >> that's it. >> sal: good. >> sal: all right. i'm ready. >> okay. >> sal: chip, come here a second. how does this sound to you? dear linda, let me start by saying i'm sorry, i know we've been through some tough times but i really think we can make it work, i believe in us, i know
gary, he was my best friend, also he's all [ bleep ]ed up looking, this isn't about gary, it's about us, i think we should try to give it another go, i've changed, i'm not the man who would come home from work each night exhausted and disgusted by the return customers i had to deal with every day. >> stop. >> sal: sorry? >> i don't mind linda but why are we standing here all this time -- >> sal: i had to finish this letter. >> i've been here, and he's seen four people. can you do the letter when we're not standing here? is that asking so much? >> he's going through a really tough time right now, he's going through a divorce -- >> who is, you are with linda? you and linda are getting a divorce? >> sal: yeah. >> i'm sorry. >> sal: thank you, i'll be with you in a second. we both made mistakes. i should never have said your mother is so fat she's the same height when she lays down.
accurate. >> if that was my wife i'd say, let's have a drink, sit down, apologize face-to-face -- >> sal: the problem is my wife's having too many drinks with too many guys. i want to nip it in the bud. jump right in. >> finish, finish. >> sal: let me read the rest. but i'm not here to talk about your big fat mom. i want to talk about us. good, right? >> i wouldn't say big fat mom. >> sal: she is. >> i don't care. it's rubbing it in. i apologize for bringing your mother into our -- >> sal: i shouldn't say that? >> i would apologize -- i wouldn't repeat big fat mom. >> sal: she is fat, takes two trips to get through a revolving door. >> just saying i apologize. >> sal: i apologize. >> if you don't apologize, you're nowhere. big fat mom -- >> sal: you're right. >> too much with the mom. >> sal: the mother is fat. the police stand by her standing on the street corner and say, break it up. >> i know. >> sal: remember when you visited me at work and we stayed
returns counter? between you and me i never wiped it clean because it reminds me of us and what we had. if it were up to me i'd be making love to you on that counter right now. right here, right here where your elbows are. that's where it went down. dammit, linda, i love you, p.s., if i can't have you back, can you at least return my x box 360? love, weinstein. what do you think? >> okay, just don't say big fat mama. >> sal: she's really fat. >> that's your hangup, not hers, she loves her mama. >> sal: she jumped up in the sky one time and got stuck. >> he's right, you shouldn't have -- if you want to -- if you don't want to insult her family -- >> sal: she works at the beach selling shade, that's how big this woman is. >> you're not married to mama. >> sal: you'd say it's all good, sex on the counter is great, just forget the mama stuff? really? okay, i am going to delete all the fat stuff.
funny. okay. great. i made the changes. you know what, i feel better. it's great that you helped me. and i feel refreshed. now it's time to go on break. >> have you got our card? >> sal: thank you. >> hey! weinstein! who's got our card? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: look at cousin sal and his new friends. thank you, guys. i hope the story gave you pleasure. still to come, team iron man, don cheadle, emily vancamp, paul bettany, and robert downey jr. on the way! [ cheers and applause ] volkswagen believes safety is very important
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>> jimmy: hi, there, is the show back on? i was doodling. tonight, representing team iron man, don cheadle, paul bettany, and emily vancamp. [ cheers and applause ] then later, this is his new album it's called "man about town" mayer hawthorne from the samsung outdoor stage. tomorrow night marvel week continues with the mighty thor chris hemsworth from "broad city" the very funny abbi jacobson and ilana glazer will be here and we'll have music from anderson paak featuring schoolboy q. so join us then. our first guest is two-time oscar-nominated actor, who plays one of the great characters in english literature his name is iron man and you can see him beating some of his best friends in "captain america: civil war." it opens in theaters may 6th. please welcome robert downey jr.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how's it going? good to see you, thanks for coming. >> thanks, jim. >> jimmy: i like that suit, you look very sharp, very handsome, very well done. do you pick the suits out yourself or is there a person that does this for you? >> i have a consummate team of professionals. >> jimmy: nice. >> this is etro. >> jimmy: what? >> etro. >> jimmy: that's the name of the brand? >> that's right. >> jimmy: okay, like retro without the "r"? >> i've never heard of it? what are you sporting? >> jimmy: later on you'll look, go through my pants, see what i'm wearing. you had the premiere across the street last night. >> yes. >> jimmy: did it go well? >> i think this might do okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a really good
but this one's really, really, really good. >> yeah, it really turned out -- we did a bang-up job. >> jimmy: do you like watching yourself as iron man on screen? >> more and more every time. >> jimmy: you do? [ laughter ] each time it gets better. >> here's the problem. i'm not really giving anything away. you get to see tony when he was really young. and then for the rest of the movie it's me. i kept saying, where's that young guy? >> jimmy: yeah, that was interesting. >> i think in the follow-up films i might have them play me as 24. i was hot. >> jimmy: hey, listen, everybody was pretty excited for sure. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so you're -- >> did you get revved up significant me? >> jimmy: i got a little charged up. >> what's this about you and i and your pants? are you coming on me? i just got here. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, i usually wait until the second segment. >> sorry, i'm back, it's your show. >> jimmy: okay, good. who had better seats, you or
>> did he show up? >> jimmy: not only that he told me he was bringing new england patriots with him to the premiere. >> all's i know is chris evans is such a nervous nelly. he gets all -- you know, he plays a real butch guy in the movie. i love captain america. i hate to say it. i'm not supposed to say it. i love chris, i love captain america. for the premiere he's all nervous. we're supposed to drive in the audis, he's like, should you go first, should i go first? i'm like, man up respect we've got to go to this premiere together. >> jimmy: what is he worried about, do you know? >> i think we all get jazzed. i get pumped backstage before i come out here. i think over time you get a little immune to it. then once this a while you realize, this is exciting. >> this is a big deal. i think last night hes. suddenly realized it was exciting. >> jimmy: he did seem excited about bringing patriots which is a funny thing to do. >> yeah, the patriots, whatever. >> jimmy: you didn't care at
>> go steelers! >> jimmy: you had to convince chris to take the role of captain america? was that difficult to talk him into that? >> you know, this -- in hindsight i get to take credit for everything. there's no marvel universe without me, i did everything, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's true. you're indoctrinating people into a cult. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's the one that said it. he made this up? >> i don't want to say he made it up. you think i just call people on the phone and say, you're going to do this movie. what am i? >> jimmy: i don't know what >> you're right. movie. which i thought was -- >> he is. >> really fantastic. it's exciting for the spider-man movie which iron man will be a part of. >> yes -- perhaps. we don't have a contract. >> jimmy: we don't have a contract. do you get paid for these? >> once in a while. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. >> yeah, yeah. you and i both grew up -- to me, spider-man, that was my number one. >> jimmy: me too, number one. >> that was my deal. >> jimmy: he was the funny superhero.
like us. >> jimmy: you could relate to spider-man. >> i didn't get bit by a radioactive spider. >> jimmy: i did and it was just the same experience. >> see? i was a young genius who was bit by a radioactive insect. spider-man is a kid. how old's the actor who plays spider-man? >> he's in his late teens. tom holland, he's a british actor, you've seen him in other stuff before. he is fantastic. >> jimmy: as an american, you're okay with a foreigner playing the role of spider-man? not really? [ laughter ] >> no, no. i like this tom holland guy. >> jimmy: you like him. >> i like him. it's about the person, jimmy. >> jimmy: i see. that's very big of you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: marisa tomei plays aunt may in the movie. >> she does. >> jimmy: aunt may is getting younger. it's like 16 and pregnant on mtv or something. aunt may was an old lady in the other movies. >> i know, marisa tomei, he's got a hot aunt. my god, think of the
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it fair to say that you take being iron man very seriously? >> yes. well, i don't take myself too seriously. i take that character, tony stark, pretty seriously. >> jimmy: because you september sent me a photograph of your daughter. is it okay if i share that photograph? well, i guess it's okay. clearly she's made a choice. >> jimmy: she is definitely on team iron man. >> here's a shield, here's a gauntlet, it's up to you, and she naturally gravitated. >> jimmy: you've got an iron baby there, that is adorable. >> she is something else. >> jimmy: we're almost the same age. is there any chance you would adopt me? i'd love to be a part of the downey jr. family. >> you know -- honestly, jimmy -- i watch your show. it's always weird. i'm here on your show but i like watch the show. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. >> imagine being me and then you're sitting here and all of a sudden you're the guest. it as little bit odd. >> jimmy: it is. will you be at home watching the
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you all for coming. first of all, emily, i want to start, i'm a little confused. are you team iron man or team captain america? >> interesting question. i'm wearing blue. >> jimmy: and you are wearing blue. >> but -- >> jimmy: the crips and the bloods. >> i mean, am i here to keep an eye on these fellows? or am i here to hang? i don't know. sharon kind of plays both sides a little bit. i think when you see the movie you'll see. >> jimmy: how do you feel about that? it seems convenient to say the least. >> well, i mean, you play a cia agent, by nature duplicitous. i don't understand why last night you had to come out on the cap side of the stage --
>> you don't seem sorry. >> jimmy: about you all see the movie for the first time last night? >> first time. >> first time last night. broke my virginity last night. >> jimmy: and? >> awesome. >> jimmy: you like it, there you go. it would be funny if you were like, meh. the audience was fired up. at the party afterward did you split into teams? or mingling with your enemies? >> i think i was the only one who was like -- >> yeah. >> basically just team cap. >> jimmy: you slept? >> i did sleep. it wasn't that crazy. >> jimmy: you started as jarvis, the virtual butler for iron man. then you migrated into vision. did you know that that was the plan all along? >> no, i didn't. there was two phases to this. one was the -- the first one was john favro said i need somebody to play a computer, somebody
thought of you. and i said, thanks. then the other one was, i'd just come out of a meeting with a producer who told me that my career was over in hollywood. and i was sitting on sunset boulevard having stood up to him but going, maybe, really -- and then josh weeden called and said, do you want to be the vision and i went, yep! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i should add, if i had a dollar for every time somebody told me my career was over, my career could be over. >> jimmy: i see, all right. don, as war machine, when your helmet comes down -- >> i'm wesley snipes. when it comes down, wesley. up, don. >> jimmy: up -- do you need to be there when the thing is down? >> that's a very good question. they keep having me be there. i'm like, why am i here? we'll bring that up in the next
>> jimmy: the same with you. you can't see your face. i guess you're not in the costume? >> when the helmet closes, i'm getting shy yacht sue. shiatsu. >> jimmy: that was makeup, not some kind of latex on the face? >> yeah, it was -- he used to come in just to make -- if he was grumpy in the morning he'd stick his head inside my makeup trailer where i was in the third hour of makeup -- >> jimmy: it's that intense. >> pretty intense. >> the hans too. >> jimmy: if you sweat do they have to redo the whole thing? >> sure, you can't go to the toilet, you can't sweat, you can't do any of that. they have this little thing -- >> easy. >> hey. right there. this little thing that's like a vest with radiator pumps cold water around you, like being inside a gin and tonic. >> jimmy: oh, really? [ laughter ] >> this is a nice thing. >> jimmy: an experience most people don't get to have. emily, were you happy that you didn't have to wear a costume or sad?
heat i was pretty happy. i didn't want to know what goes on under those things. you know, you get a little something here and there and kind of like, i'm good in human clothes. >> jimmy: the movie is directed by joe and anthony russo, brothers. when you have two directors does it make it more difficult or is it easier? >> sometimes it's fun to pit them against each other. one will give one direction, and you go that's not what your brother said. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, questions, we'll see how much you know each other, about each other. >> i just met don and paul two days ago, so everybody knows. >> jimmy: is that true? >> full disclosure. we didn't work together. >> jimmy: at all? >> no. >> the presser. >> jimmy: all right. we'll start with a question about robert, then. what bands played live at robert's 50th birthday party? >> oh, man, i know this. >> jimmy: were any of you invited. >> yes, i was there.
>> but my back went out and i left, remember? my back went out? >> whatever you say, don. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: your back went out and you went with it? >> depeche mode -- >> no. >> i guarantee none of us are going to get one of these right. >> duran duran. >> jimmy: correct. [ cheers and applause ] >> part credit. >> and -- joe cocker? >> jimmy: joe cocker passed away. >> steely dan. >> jimmy: all right, okay. don was a cast member in a spinoff of what favorite sitcom? >> they'll never know this one. nobody in the audience knows this the one. >> jimmy: they don't work with you, they don't have to know. "the golden palace," a spinoff of "the golden girls." >> whoa. >> jimmy: yeah, you've got a
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: which captain america costar has kissed paul's wife? >> oh! >> oh, i know. anthony mackie? there you go. >> what was i thinking? i directed him to kiss my wife. schoolboy error. >> you just blanked. >> you like that sort of stuff, huh? >> it's a hobby. >> jimmy: the movie, you must be absolutely delighted. because the movie's great, "captain america: civil war" in case i haven't mentioned. it opens may 6th. we'll be right back with team iron man after this! [ cheers and applause ] raise your hand if you've got savings whiplash. you know, from car insurance companies shouting, "save $500 bucks over here." "no, save $300 bucks over here." "wait, save $400 bucks right here." with so many places offering so much buck saving, where do you start? well, esurance was born online, raised by technology, and majors in efficiency. so, they're actually built to save you money, and when they save, you save.
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>> jimmy: we're back with the cast of "captain america: civil war." team iron man is here. as far as the script goes do you get to see the whole thing? you, did emily, you got the whole thing? >> am i the only one? >> jimmy: you're the only one that got -- >> i did. >> jimmy: really? is that true? is that for real? >> i didn't the first -- with the, "the winter soldier" i didn't. i just got the scenes that i was in. >> jimmy: you are more trustworthy than they are. >> apparently, yes. >> jimmy: chris evans told us and this is a strange story,
true, that robert convinced him over the telephone to take the part. >> all right, i did. >> jimmy: you did tell him to take the part? >> yeah, i don't like agree with that guy. >> jimmy: have you been compensated by him? have you received anything in the way -- >> very good point, very good point. >> he got me a fountain pen set a couple of years ago. >> jimmy: those can be expensive actually sometimes. >> yeah, these were lousy. >> jimmy: did you take anything from the set? memento, any piece of your costume or anything like that? >> i didn't, no. >> jimmy: i would have stolen everything from the set. >> i just -- i would not be doing that with marvel. they know everything. >> jimmy: they have a strict inventory? >> i'm sure they do. >> on "age of ultron" there's a massive avengers "a" outside the avengers center. i have it. >> jimmy: where is it? >> i said, why is this in england? send it back to l.a., i'll put it in my office. they're like, seriously?
>> i have it! [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm supposed to share it. it's supposed to move around like an exhibit? >> jimmy: pass it around. when you were young, i know this young man tom holland, do you feel like you're a mentor to him? >> look, i think whenever someone's coming in for their first time around you just -- you want to create a sense of comfort. if you're not talented or good, you're not going to be around much longer anyway, so the fact that we're still here means we know what we're doing. mentors are important. >> jimmy: did you have one growing up? >> rodney dangerfield. he really showed me the ropes. >> was he really your mentor? >> no. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> depeche mode. >> jimmy: i was wondering what ropes he showed you. >> yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: this is the rope to my robe. >> yeah, as a matter of fact --
about his mentorship. >> jimmy: go ahead, tell it. >> i went to visit him, we were doing "back to school." [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. i went to visit him. i'm meeting the great rodney dangerfield. he opened the door, he is wearing a robe that was not fully looped. and i just -- these big old kiwis were hanging out. [ laughter ] >> oh, god. >> jimmy: do you have those in your office? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "captain america andre kirilenko civil war" opens in theaters may 6th. be right back with music from mayer hawthorne!
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get the new chase freedom unlimited card. ugh, celebrity endorsements are the worst. live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by samsung. >> jimmy: i want to thank robert downey jr., don cheadle, paul bettany and emily vancamp and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first
town" here with the song "love like that," mayer hawthorne. [ cheers and applause ] one two you come around you make me sick with that cool lovey dovey -- you never care how far you go you just can't get enough of it i bite my tongue i bide my time you lick your lips you drink your wine i keep on waiting waiting in line hoping for some kind of sign i pretend that i don't notice
that i want a love like that i want a love strong like a heart attack to fire me up i want a love like that i want a love strong like a heart attack to fire me up call me up real late at night when the sex isn't dynamite let's skip dessert that mini skirt yeah you know it's the one i like i wish you well you wish me worse i write you speeches that sound rehearsed
i want a love like that this is a special edition of "nightline." the father, the son and the faith. >> tonight the all out war been scientology's family. he's the unquestioned leader of the church. a secretive man who rubs shoulders with celebrities such as tom cruz. david miscavige hasn't spoken to since 1992 but now his father is speaking out against him. >> you called the book ruthless. >> yeah. >> that's a damming charge against your child. >> he wasn't always that child. >> ron miscavige said it's cost his relationships with his own daughters and tonight former signtologists complain their families won't speak to them and