tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC January 24, 2012 3:05am-4:00am EST
thank you. feel the love! great to be here. great to be back. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. you guys, today was martin luther king day, which means most people had a long weekend. unlike the green bay packers, who had a really long weekend. they -- [ cheers and applause ] that's right, the giants beat green bay, 37-20. and -- [ cheers and applause ] and this weekend, the jets won a pretty exciting game, too. it was on my xbox at home but still, it was a lot of -- [ laughter ] a lot of x-button action going there. some big election news. jon huntsman has officially dropped out of the 2012 presidential race. [ audience aws ] wow, not having jon huntsman on the campaign trail is gonna be like -- well, it's gonna be like having jon huntsman on the campaign trail. [ laughter ] it's just -- there's really no effect, really. that's right, jon huntsman. you know his brother, right? >> steve: his brother? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: yeah, mike.
[ laughter ] he's a ladies man. that guy's a ladies man. >> jimmy: is he a ladies man? >> steve: oh, my god. look out. he's a ladies man. his name's mike. >> jimmy: yep. [ laughter ] his brother's name is mike? >> steve: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: okay. >> steve: michael. well, you know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, huntsman dropped out after finishing third in new hampshire. or as people standing near rick perry put it -- [ clears throat ]. [ light laughter ] >> steve: hint. >> jimmy: did you guys see this? during a campaign event on saturday, mitt romney reached into his pocket and gave cash to a woman who said she was broke. which got awkward, when she was like, "i'm also lonely." [ laughter ] what? in tv news, last night, brad pitt and angelina jolie were presenters at the "golden
globe awards." of course, they only showed up because they thought it was the "kids choice awards." [ laughter ] "have it. have it. have it. need -- want it. need it. have it. [ laughter ] i'll take that one." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] come on, anyway. get this. a high school in new york is monitoring the physical fitness of overweight students by giving them electronic wristbands. i don't know, man. if there's one thing you don't want to monitor for activity, it's teenagers' wrists. i -- [ laughter ] the computer is saying -- is gary running a marathon right now with that? [ laughter ] i've never seen activity like this. this is -- >> steve: oh, my god. >> jimmy: is he in one of those lumberjack contests on espn4 or something? >> steve: did he buy a jackhammer? >> jimmy: no, he's been in his bedroom all day. we don't know what he's -- [ laughter ] is he dribbling a basketball or something? [ light laughter ] we don't go in there.
and finally, i saw that a bakery in georgia is selling tebowing pretzels. inspired by tim tebow's popular pose. you can tell they're tebow pretzels because if you eat one in new england, you end up choking. [ audience oohs ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we got a big show tonight. he's a great actor with a cool, new movie out, "the grey." liam neeson is here! [ cheers and applause ] good movie. spooky. his nightly cnn show is one year old, and he's doing great in the ratings. we're happy to have him back on "late night." piers morgan is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and making their tv debut, great music from chiddy bang. [ cheers and applause ] they're good. they're great. they're poppy. they're hip-hoppy.
>> steve: they're poppy. >> jimmy: little hip pop and pop. >> steve: so, hip-pop? >> jimmy: pip-hop. no. hip-hop and pop. hip-hop pop. >> steve: hip-hop on pop? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a dr. seuss novel. >> steve: i love it. i love it. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: too hard for me to read. >> jimmy: yeah, they're good. chiddy bang. it's gonna be awesome. hey, guys, in case you haven't heard, we're taking our show on the road for the first time ever. we're gonna go to indianapolis for the super bowl. we're going to indy. [ cheers and applause ] i'm excited. and i want to have a bit where -- we want you guys to help us. i wanted you guys to share in our fun for this big football week that we're -- so i came up with this idea, and subway teamed up with us. it's called "subs across america." all right. now, here's what you do. all you have to do is tape yourself in front of some iconic landmark, or just some landmark in your area, catching a subway footlong, from your right side. and then, passing it off to your left side. and then, we'll put all those videos together. and it'll looked like we passed the sub across america. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: see? it's fun. you catch on the right. pass it on the left-hand side. >> steve: yeah. ♪ pass the
sub on the left-hand side ♪ ♪ pass the sub on the left-hand side ♪ ♪ ♪ it was a cold footlong it had turkey too ♪ ♪ how does it feel when you pass that sub ♪ >> jimmy: so -- [ laughter and applause ] we started getting some really awesome videos. everyone's sending them. i think we have, like, 30 states already covered from our great country, but -- and we'll do two from the same state, if they're good. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: but, here's an example of what you could do. you get that they're in florida. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: pushes it off. and there's a tebow. there you go. that's the way do it! [ cheers and applause ] that's the way to do it. >> steve: oh, nice. >> jimmy: she is cute, yeah. so here's the deal. send us your video, and if your video is our favorite, you're gonna win a one-year supply of subway and a catered party for you and your friends during the big game. it's a good contest. [ cheers and applause ] we want to get all 50 states.
so go out, make your own. upload it to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ subway. let's do this, america! come on! [ cheers and applause ] it'll be fun. again, not a lot of people out there know this about me but one of my biggest hobbies is hunting for bargains. >> steve: oh, yeah. >> jimmy: i love it. >> steve: you love it. >> jimmy: and one of the perks of this job is that i have access to the best prices on thousands of items. i know people are trying to stretch their dollar these days. so i thought, it'd be a great idea to share some of the bargains i'd found in a new segment called "bargain bin." here we go. ♪ bargain bin bargain bin ♪ >> jimmy: this first item here. this is -- it's a good one. it's season one of "the jersey shore," uncensored. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: uncensored version. normally goes for $19.99. but i got lucky. i found a copy that was 50% off. so that's savings of --
>> steve: wow. >> jimmy: 10 bucks. >> steve: there you go. >> jimmy: bargain. >> steve: that was a bargain. >> jimmy: it's a bargain. let's check out this next item. this is a very popular book, "the very hungry caterpillar" by -- [ cheers and applause ] eric carle. >> steve: eric carle. >> jimmy: people love this. classic. 16 bucks. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: yeah. i found a copy. 80% off. that's right. that means this only costs you $3. [ laughter ] 20 cents. unbelievable. unbelievable price. i'm getting deals. i'm getting good deals. let's see our next item, here. oh, yeah. "cloudy with a chance of meatballs." yeah, that's -- >> steve: love that movie. >> jimmy: normally retails for $20. >> steve: that's -- wow. >> jimmy: guess what? i found a copy on sale, five bucks. [ laughter ] >> steve: wow. just $5. >> jimmy: yeah. your kids are gonna love it. >> steve: kids love it. >> jimmy: kids love it. and guess what? so does your wallet. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: moving on. got some basic white chalk.
>> steve: oh, who doesn't love that? >> jimmy: okay, retails at $3.99. not bad price. guess what? i found an even better price, $2. that's half off. [ laughter ] who wouldn't like some good, hard, white chalk for only two bucks. [ laughter ] >> steve: right. it's hard. it's white. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: love it. where'd you get that? >> jimmy: you love -- >> steve: i love white chalk. >> jimmy: you love white chalk. >> steve: yeah, love it. love to put it all over my face. you know what i mean. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: draw on your face? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: like halloween or something? >> steve: yeah, for halloween. >> jimmy: yeah, halloween. >> steve: all hallow's eve. >> jimmy: sure, sure. all hallow's eve. oh. this next one is a board game. i love board games. this is called "dungeon quest." look at this thing. it looks awesome. but guess what? $66! >> steve: wow, that's pricey. >> jimmy: not for me, man. i don't have the time or the cheese. [ laughter ] >> steve: fortunately, i found it on sale for only $20. look at that. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh, my god. [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's "the dragon's challenge."
i'm not just out here looking for crap, you guys. [ laughter and applause ] i don't want you guys -- >> steve: yeah, no. >> jimmy: flushing your money down twal-la. >> jimmy: i got few more items in my bin. >> steve: did you -- where'd you go? where do you find these bargains? >> jimmy: i know. look at this one, right here. this is good. this is the -- rub and dub work and squirt. it's going to be going for -- [ laughter ] >> steve: did you get that on 42nd street? where'd you get that? >> jimmy: no, it's just a normal thing, here. 12 bucks, not on my watch. check this out. it's four bucks. [ laughter ] rub a dub work and squirt. gary's been in his bedroom for over -- he's not running a marathon. [ light laughter ] >> steve: did he buy a sawzall? >> jimmy: let's see. oh, this one here is great. this is a -- if you like shows from the '90s. i do. i love this one, here. look at this. that's good. i got "picket fences," season one, $30. i got it on sale, $9.99.
it's that good. >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know what you're thinking. you're thinking, "jimmy, you're full of crap. that price is too low." i tell you what -- [ light laughter ] i'm full of. that's low prices on quality products. let's check out the last item here. this is -- >> steve: what? >> jimmy: good for the kids. it's our last item. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: this is good. everyone likes "spongebob squarepants." look at this one, here. >> steve: who doesn't? >> jimmy: it's going for $3.99. pretty good price. i found a copy for just 50 cents, you guys! what a deal. [ light laughter ] what a deal. so go out and look for these bargains. they're out there. that's all the time we have for "bargain bin." we'll be right back with "competitive spit takes." come on. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ so every year my family throws this great reunion in austin. but this year, i can only afford one trip and i've always wanted to learn how to surf. austin's great -- just not for surfing. so i checked out hotwire. and by booking with them,
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with a mist of lukewarm backwash. [ laughter ] and then you, the audience, votes on which team performed the best. tonight, our contestants will be telling some classic "yo mama is fat jokes." now, let's meet our first pair of audience volunteers. come on over. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] nice to see you, buddy. nice to see you. how are ya? >> good, how are you doing? >> jimmy: what your names? >> brendon. >> jimmy: brendon? >> zack. >> jimmy: zack. and how -- how do you guys know each other? >> from hometown. >> we grew up together. >> connecticut. >> jimmy: from hometown in connecticut, yeah. [ laughter ] what would that hometown be? >> old saybrook. >> jimmy: old saybrook. yeah, and you guys grew up together? >> yeah. >> jimmy: like high school, and -- >> yeah >> jimmy: where are you? are in college now, or -- >> nope. we live in hoboken. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: congratulations. [ laughter ] now, look, guys. you know that one of you will be spitting. the other will be receiving, right? [ laughter ] but, it still hasn't been decided who will be doing what. does that make you nervous? >> a little bit. >> a little bit. >> jimmy: now, you know what a spit take is, right? this is when someone says something shocking or funny while you're drinking and you -- [ spits ] spit it out.
yeah. so, let's find out who will be doing the spitting, and who will be spat upon. let bring out the die. oh, as you see, the die says "spit" on three sides. it says "take" on the other three sides. i need a representative from the team who will roll the die to see what we'll be doing. i guess it's you. [ laughter ] [ drum roll ] go for it, buddy. good luck. oh, you will be receiving my friend. [ sad tuba ] you will be on the receiving end. why don't you stand over there. switch spots. come over here. very good. hey, how you doing, buddy? >> so bad. >> jimmy: here you go, buddy. [ laughter ] there's your water. [ laughter ] this is your joke. [ laughter ] your joke here. now, remember, these are "your mama is fat jokes." audience, please keep in mind that you will be voting on both the delivery of the joke and the spit take. take a large sip. large as you can, my man. [ light laughter ] hold the water in your mouth until you hear the full joke. oh, no. you can't -- [ laughter ] don't do it too soon, okay? all right. read your joke whenever you're
ready, pal. [ light laughter ] >> yo mama is so fat, her waist size is the equator. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he got a little bunk going in there almost. let's take a look at that one more time in slow motion. that was sick. ♪ you thought it was over. nope. [ laughter ] there you go. there you got to watch the extra little part here. he finished. you can trust him. he's finished. mouth open. oops, there you go. [ laughter ] thank you, guys, so much for playing. let's bring in our next contestants. thanks, guys. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] nice to see you, pal. >> hey. >> jimmy: how you doing, brother? what's your name? >> t.j. >> jimmy: t.j. and what's your name? >> mike. >> jimmy: mike, very good. and how long have you guys known each other? >> about ten years. >> jimmy: ten years. you grew up together? >> yeah. high school. >> jimmy: high school buddies. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and now, living in
hoboken? >> i'm in hoboken. >> i'm in arlington, virginia. >> jimmy: are you in hoboken? [ laughter ] this is a hoboken show. that's pretty cool, man, awesome. i like hoboken. all right. now, you just saw how the game -- >> no joking. >> jimmy: no joking. >> hoboken, no joking. >> jimmy: should have used that in the monologue. [ laughter ] now, look. let's find out who will be doing the spitting and who will be spat upon. can we bring the die in please? very important. [ cheers and applause ] very important. >> i'll just leave it like that. >> jimmy: no, no. we can't just leave it like that. you have to roll the die. >> my dignity is on this one. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. someone's dignity. yeah. all right, go for it. do you ant to -- [ drum roll ] you want to roll it? good luck. sorry, man. [ sad tuba ] >> yes! >> jimmy: it's all right, buddy. you will be receiving. i'm so sorry. you will be receiving. you stand there. >> all right. >> jimmy: come on over here, buddy. good man. >> yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: hey, buddy, how's it going? >> oh, this is the worst. >> jimmy: there you go. [ laughter ] your joke there. all right. there's your water. there's your joke. take a big sip, as big as you possibly can, and hold it in. yeah, that's good one. [ laughter ] [ cheers ]
>> get a little closer. >> jimmy: yeah, get a little closer. this is pretty good. here you go. [ laughter ] now, once you -- at the end of the joke, then you let it go on your friend. you understand? >> all right. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: all right. very good. okay, please -- deliver -- deliver us the joke. >> yo mama is so fat, the bus takes her. [ cheers ] ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: that was drenched. you're still dripping. that was a lot of water. what was that like? >> can we go round two? >> that was awful. it was awful. >> round two? >> do i get to go now? >> jimmy: no, no, no. let's check that out one more time in slow motion. ♪ there you go. that last one, that's the one. that's the one that drenched you. that was a little rough. very good. very good. thank you. that was great. that was a little rough, a little surprise at the end. [ applause ] we have time for one more? oh, great. switch it up. >> whoa, whoa, whoa. whoa, whoa. [ cheers and applause ] [ sad tuba ]
>> jimmy: come right over here. drink some water. hey, good to see you, buddy. here's your joke. it's going to be fun. remember how much fun you had? [ laughter ] remember this is a yo mama is fat joke. deliver your joke whenever you're ready. drink as much water as you possibly can. come on, revenge is best served cold. go for it, buddy. >> your mama is so fat, when she gets dressed up, they call it extreme makeover, home edition. ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: that was pretty extreme right there. very good. let's see that in slow motion, right there. ♪ that's intense. that's intense, hoboken. that was the key to that one. and then, the laugh -- that was powerful. that was a power washing right there. team number one, please step on in here, guys. it's time for our audience to choose which is the best joke and spit take. was it team number one? [ cheering ]
pretty good. or was it team number two? [ cheering ] the winner is team number one! congratulations. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] you win a set of "late night with jimmy fallon" towels so you can dry off in style. and since no one goes home empty handed, for the losers we have "late night with jimmy fallon" moist towelettes. [ laughter ] that's it for "competitive spit takes." we'll be right back with liam neeson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ if you're one of those folks who gets heartburn
[ male announcer ] treat your frequent heartburn by blocking the acid with prilosec otc. and don't get heartburn in the first place! [ male announcer ] one pill a day. 24 hours. zero heartburn. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: our first guest is a golden globe, tony and academy award nominated actor whose new film, "the grey," is in theaters january 27th. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome liam neeson! ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming on our program. i appreciate it. >> hey, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wake -- wake up. wake up. wake up. wake up. we still -- we just started. >> oh. jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: you must just be exhausted. >> well, you must be exhausted. >> jimmy: i know. i was in l.a. last night. >> and i was in l.a. the night before that, yeah. >> jimmy: why do we do this to ourselves? >> millions. so i get paid millions. >> jimmy: millions of dollars. [ laughter ] then, why do i do it then? never mind. >> because you're a fool. >> jimmy: i'm a fool, exactly. we have met each other a couple times at different charity events. >> irish arts center. >> jimmy: irish arts center. you're such a movie star. i got to say thank you. i mean -- the presence, i mean -- when you're around him -- everyone's just looking at you. you are 8'9" tall. [ laughter ] and you've just got a great face. i mean, you're a big movie star. >> i'm 89 years of age, too. >> jimmy: we found -- no.
we found something, though, that -- because i know you've done tons of amazing movies, but you also did one episode of "miami vice." >> yes, i did. yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now, that's pretty cool. >> no, it wasn't cool. >> jimmy: yeah, that's pretty awesome, man. [ laughter ] >> ha ha ha. >> jimmy: oh, there you are. [ cheers and applause ] good-looking dude. [ applause ] >> jimmy: now, how did -- how did this happen? how did you end up with that guy? as that guy? how did you get the gig? >> i think i slept with a producer. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. exactly, yeah. that's exactly what happened. >> he was obviously a man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. but, what was his name? yeah, exactly. but you -- >> no, i had -- i was visiting a friend out here in new york, and -- just for a few days. i had never been in america before. and he insisted i meet a friend of his, who is bonnie timmermann. who is this wonderful casting director. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. casting director, sure. >> -- who is a very dear friend. anyway, i met her. and she said, "look, we have an opening episode of the next season of 'miami vice.'" and i have to be, like, an i.r.a. irish hit man.
"and if you don't get the job, i'm quitting my job." >> jimmy: well, yeah. you definitely look like a hit man there. [ laughter ] >> yeah. i do, don't i? >> jimmy: scary. scary individual. so, wait. so, you just went in and auditioned? or -- >> no, no. i -- i -- >> jimmy: were you established at that time? >> i had done a few things in ireland and england. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but nothing in america. >> jimmy: no. well, this knocked your career to a different level after this. [ laughter ] but, now you're acting. now you're, like -- you're a big action star now, which is a different -- i would say, you know, than your normal stuff. >> well, i had success with a film, "taken." that was three years ago. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was unbelievable. unbelievable. what a great movie. >> thanks. >> jimmy: that was a great, great movie. >> and we're shooting the second one at the minute. >> jimmy: she gets taken again? >> no, no. no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you get taken. >> can't say. >> jimmy: you can't say. >> i can't say. >> jimmy: someone is taken, though. >> i can't -- >> jimmy: no, maybe not. who knows? it's a cliffhanger. [ laughter ] you're not sure what is taken, but something might or might not -- >> so, we were in -- >> jimmy: maybe something is given. >> okay, we were in -- >> jimmy: maybe something is given. >> yeah. you're getting close. >> jimmy: i was getting closer.
yeah, yeah, yeah. exactly. so exciting. it sounds like, okay, yeah. [ laughter ] but -- >> no, we were in -- [ talking over each other ] sorry, buddy. >> jimmy: no, go first. >> we were in istanbul before christmas and just came back from l.a. -- we were shooting there for a week. i go up tomorrow night to paris to finish it. [ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: is this based on any -- just an original script? or is it based on -- >> it's an original script, yes. >> jimmy: it's phenomenal. >> yes. >> jimmy: it was so interesting. i was, like, this is such a great movie because it's action. but, actually, has a good story as well. >> it's -- you know, jimmy, i have to be honest. the first time, i thought it was straight to video, you know? >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: isn't this the way it works, right? i guess, because my movies, i expected them to be huge, and they did go straight to video. [ laughter ] just the opposite of the way you live. but this movie, "the grey." >> yes. >> jimmy: freaky movie. >> it's a good film. >> jimmy: it's scary. yeah, i would say that -- i told you this backstage. but, i would say that i would compare it to almost like "jaws," but for wolves. >> yes. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, you -- you -- your plane crashes. >> yeah. >> jimmy: no, i'm sorry. it doesn't crash. sorry. did i ruin anything? >> no, that's okay.
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: i have to talk about the movie. >> okay, it crashes. >> jimmy: so your plane crashes, yeah. >> yeah, we're a bunch of oil refinery workers -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> in alaska. these guys work 24/7 for, like, five weeks. they get two weeks off. so they are flying out. they have a storm. they gently land in the alaskan tundra. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i'm leading seven or eight of them south to -- hopefully, to safety. and all the time, we are being pursued by these mythical kind of wolves. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. it's like, just out for blood. >> out for blood. >> jimmy: yeah. no, it's frightening because it's -- i don't know what i would do if i got chased by a pack of wolves. >> i wouldn't know either. [ laughter ] i really wouldn't. >> jimmy: but, are these cgi wolves? >> no, they're not cgi. >> jimmy: or were they, like, "twilight" wolves? like taylor lautner? >> no. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: shirtless guys? shirtless tan kids? >> as good as they are. >> jimmy: yeah, there's shirtless tan guys running after you. these guys running after you in the woods. those are the werewolves i'm used to from "twilight." yeah, yeah, yeah. but, i mean, do you actually
wrestle with the wolves? like, wrestle? there's puppets? >> yeah, i have a couple of encounters with them. but not real wolves, no. they were puppets. animatronics. >> jimmy: yeah. >> animatronics. >> jimmy: they were. frightening. scary. and, you guys got to see, like, how they survive or if they do survive? i don't want to ruin anything. >> whether they do survive, yeah. >> jimmy: some people don't survive. >> but the movie has got other layers to it as well. >> jim: it does, yeah. >> it's just a horror film. >> jimmy: yeah, but then -- so, you make it through one day. and then it's, like, now what do we do the next day? >> yeah. >> jimmy: and the next day. >> kind of brings in the question of god. what we're doing on this planet. >> jimmy: it's very, very interesting. we have a clip. >> oh, you have? >> jimmy: the movie, "the grey." here is the great liam neeson. [ growling ] >> what was that? >> the alpha. they went at him. he put it down. whatever their challenge was, the alpha put it down. >> how are we gonna deal with it?
>> we kill them. one at a time. take the numbers. that's what they are doing to us. >> jimmy: yeah. that's what i'm talking about. [ applause ] liam neeson. "the grey" is in theaters january 27th. piers morgan joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] when do you take 5-hour energy? when i'm on the night shift. when they have more energy than i do. when i don't feel like working out. when there isn't enough of me to go around. ♪ when i have school. and work. every morning. it's faster and easier than coffee. every afternoon when that 2:30 feeling hits. -every day. -every day. every day is a 5-hour energy day. [ male announcer ] 5-hour energy. every day.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: today marks a one-year anniversary for our next guest. his show, "piers morgan tonight," is officially a year old and continues to gain viewers on its nightly 9:00 p.m. slot on cnn. please welcome back to the show, the always informative and entertaining, piers morgan, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: piers morgan. thank you for coming back on our program.
>> always a pleasure because, as you know, you've been on my show only a couple of days ago, and -- >> jimmy: i took care of you. >> you took my hair out, didn't you? >> jimmy: i took care of you. >> you took my hair out. >> jimmy: what you meant to say is i took care of you. >> you pulled my hair out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here's what happened. i went there. i went to do your show, and you were a little unprofessional. [ light laughter ] your hair was out of place. there was one sticking out. >> let me tell the story. >> jimmy: and it was distracting people. >> my producer is in my ear in the control room saying, "you got a hair out of place." this is a kind of weird thing that producers say. and so, he hears me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and so, without any warning or even a request, he just leans forward and rips my hair out. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: was it like that? it wasn't that -- >> and, you know, i was going to do it back to him. but, his producer said to me, "don't, the toupee will all come off." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's all fake. it's all fake from here back. we have a clip of me helping you out on the show. look. he's there. and you're trying to fix it. i was, like, i'll fix it.
>> there he is. look. watch it. >> jimmy: here, i'll fix it. yank. [ laughter ] and i gave it to you. i let you keep it. [ cheers and applause ] and you look fantastic. i always have fun on your show. it's a great show. congrats on the ratings. >> i got to say, the tebowie thing -- funniest thing i've seen. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, you're a good man. thanks. >> fantastic. >> jimmy: that was awesome. thanks for helping out with that. i appreciate that. >> brilliant. >> jimmy: you credit oprah winfrey for your strong start on cnn. >> yeah, well, you know, you are trying to launch a show. you're replacing larry king after 25 years. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's like taking over from elvis in vegas, you know? and i'm trying to think, how can i make a huge bang? oprah winfrey, for no reason, really, just decided to help me. and she didn't know me at all. i'd never met the woman. and she came on my show, gave me a two-hour interview. she then went out and promoted it. told people how great it was. and you couldn't buy that. i mean, she's the most -- >> both: powerful woman in the world. >> and she's just really genuine. every time i have met oprah since, i have been struck by how real she is. and to be as rich and successful and powerful as she is, and to keep that common touch, really
cool. >> jimmy: now she must have even -- she must have no time off because now she's running a full network. >> what i did do -- i found out she loves this particular type of french champagne. so i sent her a case of this very rare french champagne. and she rang to thank me, and i wasn't in the office. so my assistant said this really weird conversation happened. she said she was oprah winfrey. and she said, pass this message to piers. then there was a silence and then -- [ champagne pops ] >> jimmy: that's a pretty nice message. at least you know she's drinking it. that's great. >> tell him i loved the champagne. >> jimmy: aw, that's super cute. i like that. >> very cool, yeah. >> jimmy: you got a big week coming up here. you have rosie o'donnell. >> well, we had -- i survived -- chelsea handler interviewed me tonight. we sort of flipped things. it was -- yeah, don't clap. it was awful. [ laughter ] and then, tomorrow night, we have rosie o'donnell. who is brilliant. >> jimmy: yes. >> outrageous, but also very, very emotional. >> jimmy: she can talk about anything. >> anything, yeah. then i've got my first president, jimmy carter, and his wife on wednesday night, which i'm really pleased about.
and on the anchor leg on friday, rick santorum, for what may be his last stand before the big south carolina vote. so a big week. >> jimmy: that's a big get for you, yeah. when you get a politician running in -- >> well, it is. because, i mean, if mitt romney does win in south carolina, it may be game over. but, of course, santorum may well be the guy he chooses at his running mate. you never know. so it's getting interesting. >> jimmy: yeah. is that what you think? if you had to predict the future of who romney would take -- well, it's basically romney, right? >> well, it's seems to be. when i first took over the show, all the politics was about the tea party. and one by one, all these candidates and tea party siders just disappeared. and santorum's really the only one left, i guess, that represents that side of the republican party. so i could see, if you're mitt romney, you want to have a much wider base and galvanize them and get them out -- you might well go to someone like him. >> jimmy: interesting. >> is that too serious for this show? i mean -- >> jimmy: no, no. [ laughter ] that's fine. i think it's good. >> have i struck you all dumb with my political knowledge? >> jimmy: no, no, no, no. no, no, no, no. >> were you thinking, "what the hell is this brit doing talking about our politics?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. we like -- i want to know, because i don't really know what -- [ applause ] i just do what i say. i watch the debates. stuff like that. so i'm always interested to see what people -- >> well, see, when i go home --
they say, "what's it like, the political protests there?" i say, well, it's pretty interesting. because in britain, you could go from nowhere to prime minister in about four months. whereas, what i quite like about your system is it's so long and laborious and painstaking. and you all get so bloody bored with it. but you do in the end -- >> jimmy: 35 debates so far. >> yeah, but i quite like it. you do work out about these people, what they're really like, i think. and then, so when they get to be president -- unlike ours, who could be -- for all we know, mass murderers. you do actually feel that you do know them. and they are less likely to be big surprises. i like that. >> jimmy: have you ever interviewed margaret thatcher? >> yeah. well, i wouldn't say interviewed. i was at rupert murdoch's christmas party. as you do. [ light laughter ] and it's got all the great and good. this is the mid '90s. and i was editor of the now dead "news of the world." pre-hacking. and margaret thatcher was there. she was -- she was still absolutely sharper than me. but she had this -- the biggest whiskey glass i've ever seen in my life. [ light laughter ] i mean it wasn't, like, that big. it was, like, this big. [ light laughter ] and it was full of whiskey. apparently that's what she
liked, just massive tumblers of whisky. so she comes over. and i'd published a story about some economic plans she had. and, oh, john major at the time, and criticized it. and she wanted to tell me why i was wrong. and she then began to jab me with her bony fingers, hard, in the stomach. i was like -- "and another thing." boom, boom, boom. >> jimmy: really? >> whiskey falling everywhere. boom, boom, boom. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> i was like -- i'm being attacked by margaret thatcher. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's kind of cool in a weird way. >> i thought, this must be what happens in the cabinet room, you know. number 10 downing street, poor old geoffrey howe or somebody has to go -- it's just, "listen to me, geoffrey." boom, boom, boom. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and then yank his hair out. >> but i -- i just think she's -- go see the meryl streep movie. and just from the clips i've seen, a brilliant impersonation. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and the thing about that -- whether you loved her or not, she was just a very inspiring leader. you know, in the falklands crisis or all of those kinds of things -- the kind of person who was just born to lead. >> jimmy: yeah, she won the golden globe last night, meryl streep. >> yeah, and deservedly so. although, they cut her off in mid-speech. >> jimmy: of course. >> that is like cutting off the queen. [ light laughter ]
>> jimmy: you won the award. now get out of here. >> how could -- an nbc executive is back there looking at meryl streep winning best actress -- >> jimmy: get her off. >> get rid of streep. i mean, look. it's kate winslet in mid-gush. >> jimmy: yeah. >> then, it's fine. bullets, right? >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> you know? poor angelina stood there frozen. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. i had fun, because i -- i presented. i did some bit, and then i was about to give the award, and then -- it's just kind of fun because everyone is there. tv and movies, and -- will arnett. you guys know will arnett. he's a very funny guy. he came over -- [ cheers and applause ] he came over to my table. he goes, "oh, you guys just won the award for worst table. so you got to accept next time." i was like, "oh, stop." >> my favorite bit is ricky gervais. people say he didn't have a vintage night. but that moment when he said, "so the next presenter," he said, "is somebody who's a terrible racist." pause. "and i saw him punching a blind kitten. ladies and gentlemen, colin firth." >> jimmy: colin firth. yeah. [ laughter ] he was the nicest guy. oh, i love ricky. >> i love that. it's so awkward. >> jimmy: i know. it's brilliant. >> it's so brilliantly awkward.
>> jimmy: because you know that he's clearly joking, yeah. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: the kitten wasn't blind. [ laughter ] >> of course the kitten was blind. >> jimmy: you guys got to watch "piers morgan tonight," 9:00 p.m. weeknights on cnn. more "late night" after the break. stick around, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] we asked real people if they'd help us with an experiment for febreze fabric refresher. they agreed. [ experimenter 1 ] relax, take some nice deep breaths. [ experimenter 2 ] what do you smell? lilac. clean. there's something that's really fresh. a little bit beach-y. like children's blankets. smells like home. [ experimenter 1 ] okay. take your blindfolds off. ♪ hello? [ male announcer ] and now new and improved febreze fabric refresher with up to two times the odor elimination so you can breathe happy, guaranteed. is the pain reliever orthopedic doctors recommend most for arthritis pain, think again. and take aleve. it's the one doctors recommend most for arthritis pain... two pills can last all day.
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dizziness and morning drowsiness. ask your doctor if lunesta is right for you. then get lunesta for $0 at lunesta.com. there's a land of restful sleep. we can help you go there on the wings of lunesta. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] steve: ladies and gentlemen, we present to you, two brains working as one. the first brain, providing the answer.
the second brain, revealing the question. it's time for a "brainstorm." [ thunder ] [ cheers and applause ] >> sticky situation. ♪ >> jimmy: what's the last thing you want to find in the "jersey shore" hot tub? [ thunder ] [ laughter and applause ] >> "extremely loud and incredibly close." >> jimmy: describe an elevator conversation with regis philbin. [ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ as regis ] we're falling, jimmy! >> warning, may cause drowsiness. >> jimmy: what does it say on the back of mitt romney?
[ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ cheers and applause ] >> oops, my bad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did jesus say to tim tebow this weekend? [ laughter ] [thunder ] [ applause ] >> hit the floor. >> jimmy: what did larry king's testicles do last week? [ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ applause ] [ laughter ] >> that's terrible. i distance myself from that. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, i know, i know. >> are we still on larry king here? >> jimmy: yeah. >> twinkies, honey buns, ding-dongs. >> jimmy: what did clay aiken dream about last night? [ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ applause ]
>> "american horror story." >> jimmy: describe rick perry's presidential campaign. [ thunder ] [ applause ] >> where is it? >> jimmy: what did barbie say when ken took his pants off? [ laughter ] [ thunder ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: this has been "brainstorm." chiddy bang performs next. [ cheers and applause ] [ thunder ] start with the essentials. then mix in the secret ingredient: french's yellow mustard. add a handful of tiny hands. and a personal touch.
finish with compliments to the new chefs. 2:30 in the afternoon, a lot to do, and you've hit the wall. but you got to get stuff done. so take 5-hour energy. just open it up, knock it back, and roll up your sleeves. 5-hour energy is faster and easier than coffee. man, does it work. you'll get that alert, energized feeling you need to get stuff done. a lot of stuff. wow. look at you go. 5-hour energy. when you gotta get stuff done.
with us tonight. to perform the song "ray charles" with a little help from the roots, please welcome chiddy bang! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ open your eyes a girl like me ain't waitin' all night yeah ♪ ♪ ooh boy, better think twice i got that honey that sugar, that spice ♪ ♪ ray charles ♪ ooh boy, open your eyes a girl like me ain't waitin' all night ♪ ♪ ooh boy, better think twice i got that honey that sugar, that spice ♪ ♪ ray charles ♪ hey yo, i'm feelin' like ray charles i got my shades on i don't know where ♪ ♪ they are ♪ you couldn't find me even if you had a radar and i spit rapidly a-k-a-r i make the music with ♪ ♪ the soul of the blind man they be amazed how i get them ladies that cry, yeah and they try to do it ♪ ♪ but they're blind to the fact that they just stuck in a trap and stayin' right ♪ ♪ where they at ray charles but i'm ray charles miss a calls ♪ ♪ talkin' to my dime and i miss eight calls and i spit tough, bet you
i'mma last great wall ♪ ♪ i'm goin' ape, y'all i'm the new ray charles i don't need no walking stick my ish cost a grip ♪ ♪ i get out the mouthwash if you talkin' ish and i can hear the evil but i won't see it ♪ you better reheat it ♪ ♪ ray charles ♪ i got my black shades on smokin' 'til it's gone head to the sky and i'm feelin' so on ♪ ♪ ray charles i'm ray charles ooh ♪ ♪ ray charles i'm ray charles ♪ ♪ i got my black j's on dancin' to my song lookin' so fly and i'm feelin' so on ♪ ♪ i'm ray charles i'm ray charles oohh ♪ ♪ i'm ray charles i'm ray charles ooh boy, open your eyes ♪ ♪ a girl like me ain't waitin' all night ooh boy, better think twice ♪ ♪ i got that honey that sugar, that spice ♪ ♪ i would never be behind that eight-ball yes, it's cause contract having a state call ♪ ♪ i'm straight, ya'll if i'm sick of my day job send an email to hr that's they prob♪ ♪ and when i'm playing in saint paul i'm setting business like ray charles ♪ ♪ i'm such a rule
wait for it i get a pause every eight bars ♪ ♪ and what i'm drinking is napalm nothing can protect y'all not even state farm ♪ ♪ they probably gon' hafta bring crime scene tape i'm superman when i'm taking the cape off ♪ ♪ i'm ray charles ♪ come on ♪ yeah, yeah, come on ya'll ain't ready, no ♪ ♪ yeah, uh, ah turn it up ♪ ♪ i got my black shades on smokin' 'til it's gone head to he clouds and i'm feelin' so on ♪ ♪ i'm ray charles say what? i'm ray charles ooh ♪ ♪ ray charles i'm ray charles ♪ ♪ i got my black j's on dancin' to my song lookin' so fly and i'm feelin' so on ♪ ♪ i'm ray charles i'm ray charles oohh ♪ ♪ i'm ray charles i'm ray charles ooh boy, open your eyes ♪ ♪ a girl like me ain't waitin' all night ooh boy, better think twice ♪ ♪ i got that honey that sugar, that spice ♪ ♪ preheated, oven ♪ they hear me spit they think they know me like they cousin ♪
♪ but it's okay we at the door that means we buzzin' ♪ ♪ now that's mcdonald's and baby i think i'm lovin' it ♪ ♪ but you know that size doesn't fit mc hammer with this ish ♪ ♪ like why the heck would i quit ♪ ♪ let's hire 40 people and get like 40 cars and wouldn't even drive 'cause i would be ray charles ♪ m see us and say, "what up?" like how the heck is he talkin' ♪ ♪ he don't even trip like how the heck is he walkin' ♪ ♪ i'm blind man, yeah like the three blind mice and them haters i'mma throw it on 'em ♪ ♪ tell 'em flat i don't need no walkin' stick my ish costs a grip ♪ ♪ i get out the mouthwash if you talkin' ish and i can hear the evil but i won't see it ♪ ♪ and if the blunt go out you better reheat it ♪ ♪ ray charles ♪ i got my black shades on smokin' 'til it's gone head to the clouds and i'm feelin' so on ♪ ♪ ray charles i'm ray charles ooh ♪ ♪ ray charles i'm ray charles ♪ ♪ i got my black j's on dancin' to my song lookin' so fly and i'm feelin' so on ♪ ♪ who are you ♪ i'm ray charles i'm ray charles oohh ♪ ♪ i'm ray charles i'm ray charles ooh boy, open your eyes ♪ ♪ a girl like me ain't
waitin' all night ooh boy, better think twice ♪ ♪ i got that honey that sugar, that spice ♪ ♪ too blind to see it yeah, yeah, too blind to see you're too blind to see it ♪ ♪ i got my black shades on smokin' 'til it's gone hey ♪ ♪ ray charles [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you sounded great, guys. fantastic. that's what i'm talking about. fantastic. >> thanks a lot, jimmy. >> jimmy: chiddy bang! [ cheers and applause ] "ray charles." look out for their album, "breakfast." see them live, wednesday, in atlanta. my thanks to liam neeson, piers morgan, chiddy bang. [ cheers and applause ] and the greatest band in late night, the roots, everybody! stay tuned for carson daly. thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. thank you! [ cheers and applause ] ♪