tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC October 3, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EDT
thanks, you guys. i want to thank my guests, carol burnett, armie hammer and lang lang and friends. "jimmy fallon," the emmy winner, he's up next! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: we interrupt this program to bring you a special press conference with republican presidential candidate mitt romney. >> jimmy: hello, i'm mitt romney. [ cheers and applause ] now, tomorrow is the first of three debates between myself and president obama. and i'm looking forward to having a serious conversation with my opponent about the issues. and as you may havheard, i've also prepared a few zingers for the occasion. [ laughter ] would you like a taste? [ cheers and applause ] for example, when we greet each other onstage before the debate, i'll put my finger on obama's tie and i'll say, "hey, there's something on your tie." [ laughter ] then, when he looks down, i'll slide my finger from his sternum right up to his nostrils, and i'll say, "boop." [ laughter ] ha ha-ha. ha ha ha ha-ha. ha ha.
trust me, it's gonna be great. [ laughter ] i've also been working on some "that's what she said" zingers. [ light laughter ] for instance, when obama is talking during the debate, i'll just interrupt him and say, "that's what she said?" [ laughter ] ha ha ha. gets 'em every time. ha ha. [ laughter ] now, last week, my campaign leaked a memo telling everyone to lower their expectations for my performance in these debates because, as we all know, barack obama is an extremely gifted speaker. you might even say he's a "master debater." that's what she said? [ laughter ] ha ha ha! zing! you got zinged. you got zinged. anyway, forget lowering your expectations for my performance. here's a better idea. don't watch the debates at all. just watch something else instead. i mean, come on. there's, like, a million other shows on during the debates. i know because i happened to pick up this "television guidebook" just moments ago. let's see here. 9:00 p.m. on wednesday -- debates, debates, debates, debates. [ light laughter ]
there's a new episode of "supernatural" on the cw network. that sounds funky. [ light laughter ] tbs has a rerun of a show called "family guy." that sounds wholesome enough. [ laughter ] what else? debates, debates. you know what? forget tv. why not watch something on netflix? like my favorite movie, "brewster's millions." [ laughter ] it's about a guy who spends millions of dollars as fast as possible, but he just can't seem to run out of money. it's funny because it's true. [ laughter ] that's why it's funny. how about turning off the tv altogether? why not take a spin on your yacht? or go outside and play with your pets, like your equestrian horses, domesticated lions and dolphin butlers. [ laughter ] or whatever the normal person's versions of those things may be. finally, i'd like to offer every single american $10,000 to not watch the debate between myself and barack obama. [ laughter ] i'm very serious. [ applause ] just mail photographic evidence of you not watching the debates
to "i didn't watch the debates, care of mitt romney, 32 big mansion road." ha-ha ha! ha ha ha. just kidding. it's actually 14 big mansion road. see? i zinged you again. thank you, and god bless america. boop. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: aw, that's what i'm talking about. i feel the love. thank you, right there! oh. [ cheers and applause ] welcome, everybody. welcome. thank you for being here. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. here's what people are talking about. the first debate between barack obama and mitt romney is tomorrow night, and the campaigns are doing whatever they can to get ready. actually, i heard that the obama campaign is a little worried, 'cause during his flight to nevada on sunday, the president apparently watched four hours of football instead of studying. [ laughter ] although it did mark the first time all year obama's actually seen something get passed. [ audience ohs ] so, it's going to be very interesting. [ applause ] everyone's looking for some kind of sign as to who will win debate. in fact, one group of researchers are saying that presidential candidates who blink less during a debate are more likely to win the election. or as michele bachmann put it, "any way i can get back in this thing or what?" [ laughter ]
hey! there you go. [ applause ] i just read about this, you guys. a new survey found that over 35% of americans actually plan on voting before election day. not for president of the united states, just for "dancing with the stars." [ laughter ] they love drew lachey all the way. that's what they're saying. [ applause ] this is interesting. health experts predict that the world will have more than 1 billion elderly people in the next ten years. 1 billion elderly people. or as it's also known, the opening credits for "60 minutes." [ laughter ] [ applause ] except for when anderson's on. >> steve: yeah, when anderson's on. >> jimmy: except for when anderson's on. >> steve: he takes the demo down. >> jimmy: you guys see the "today" show this morning? this is fantastic. [ cheers ] during an animal segment, a hawk got loose in the studio and landed somewhere above hoda and kathie lee. [ laughter ] of course, it was probably scared of the other birds in the studio, you know, grey goose and wild turkey. [ laughter ]
"just land on the arm. the bird --" "what bird? just put your arm out and the bird will land on it." [ laughter ] "but the bird's going to land on the arm." [ laughter ] this isn't good. ikea is facing criticism for airbrushing women out of its catalog in saudi arabia. yeah, ikea hasn't taken this much heat since they airbrushed english out of their instruction manuals. [ laughter ] "put the flugen in the --" [ laughter ] amtrak just announced that it will be performing drug tests on 50% of its employees. so, if you plan on riding amtrak, don't worry. there's only a 50% chance your conductor is totally stoned. so, that's good. [ laughter ] "our next stop, the seventh dimension." [ laughter ] and finally, starbucks is planning to open its first store in india by the end of the month. you can tell the store is in india, because instead of pretending to write on their laptop, customers pretend to fix them. we have a great show tonight.
give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey! thank you for tuning in. thank you for being here. we have a fantastic show tonight. he has a popular daytime talk show, and he's got a show on cnn. i don't know how he has the time to be here. anderson cooper! >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: the one and only. [ cheers and applause ] just a fantastic guy. i love him. plus, she stars in the cw's new show, "emily owens, m.d." mamie gummer is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] great show. and we got music from kendrick lamar, everybody. oh, man. [ cheers and applause ] it's gonna be fun stuff tonight. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: hey, guys, it's time to take a look at the stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons
and pros ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight, we'll be taking a look at the pros and cons of the presidential debates. yeah, the first debate is tomorrow night in denver. the whole country will be tuning in. i will be watching at home. i got my ice cream. i got my electric blanket. i have my mint liqueur. [ laughter ] i'm all set. so, let's take a look -- >> steve: mint liqueur. that's what you're drinking these days? >> jimmy: apparently, yeah. [ laughter ] let's take a look at the pros and cons of the presidential debates. here we go. pro, hearing mitt romney passionately argue for one side of an issue. con, then hearing him passionately argue for the other side of that issue. [ laughter and applause ] "sorry, mitt, but i'm gonna have to disagree with myself. you're a little out of line, mitt. i'll be the judge of that." [ light laughter ] pro, romney has asked people to lower their expectations for how he will perform. con, i used to do that all the time with my girlfriend in college. [ laughter ] very hard life. it was a very hard life.
>> steve: should've had some mint liqueur back then. >> jimmy: i should've. [ light laughter ] pro, hearing tom brokaw break down the debate with moderator jim lehrer. con, hearing tom brokaw try to pronounce -- [ as tom brokaw ] "lehrer." [ laughter ] "leh -- lehrer. jim lehrer. leh-eh-lehrer." [ scattered applause ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pro, mitt romney will answer every foreign policy question by saying what his conservative base wants to hear. con, obama will answer every foreign policy question by saying, "i killed osama bin laden, bitches," and dropping the mic. [ cheers and applause ] "what do you want me to --" >> steve: "what do you want to do?" >> jimmy: "i don't even need a rebuttal." >> steve: yeah. i'm done. >> jimmy: pro, a candidate has two minutes to answer each question, followed by a one-minute rebuttal, followed by a 30-second opportunity to respond to the rebuttal.
con, followed by a one-second opportunity to roll one's eyes and make a wanking motion with one's fist. [ laughter ] you have to have rules. >> steve: that's the rule? >> jimmy: that's the rule. >> steve: wow, things have gotten looser. >> jimmy: pro, tomorrow night's debate will be held at the university of denver's ritchie center. con, when mitt romney heard "ritchie center," he thought the debate was at his house. [ laughter ] [ as mitt romney ] "easy commute. i can go right over there." >> steve: "i can walk right over here." >> jimmy: pro, paul ryan will be in the audience trying to lend his support. con, joe biden will be in the audience trying to start a wave. [ laughter ] "joe, sit down. don't --" "boo! come on, guys. this section sucks." [ laughter ] pro, the first debate will be wednesday at 9:00 p.m. con, right after an all-new "guys with kids," every wednesday at 8:30 only on nbc. ♪ "from the zany mind of jimmy fallon." and finally, pro, all the campaigning, the attack ads, the political bickering has led up
to this moment. con, and yet we still have to wait another month for this crap to be over. there you go. that is the "pros and cons." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with "freestylin' with the roots!" what?! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ diana ] power was very important to me. we test-drove the camry, took it on the freeway, and it was just like -- this was the car for me. [ ryan ] it has stuff that guys like, like the rims and the sleekness to the body. and, then, had the bluetooth and the navigation that diana really wanted. [ diana ] and it was an se, so it felt really grounded to the ground. [ man ] grounded to the ground? yes, yes! grounded to the ground. [ male announcer ] see their story and more at the camry effect. camry. from toyota.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] welcome back. i always say our show is lucky to have the greatest band in late night, the roots, right there, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we love them. we love them. we love the roots. but it isn't always fun and games here. from time to time, we put the the roots to the test. we pick people from our audience and have the roots make up songs about them on the spot. totally random. it's time for "freestylin' with the roots." here we go. ♪ time to freestyle
with the roots ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: roots, you ready to do this? >> roots: yeah! >> jimmy: all right. very good, all right. who wants the roots to write a song about them --? [ cheers and applause ] you want it, buddy? come on. all right, cool. you can just -- you can do it from there, even. >> oh, okay, all right. >> jimmy: there you go. little hyper, this guy. okay. very good. hey. [ laughter ] no, no, no, you're good. >> sorry. >> jimmy: no, you're good. >> okay, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] i like that. what is this? >> that's -- my son made that. steven schaeffer made that. >> jimmy: steven schaeffer. it's an original steven schaeffer. >> yes it is. [ laughter ] five dollars, it's yours. >> jimmy: $5? >> yes. >> jimmy: i have no cash on me. i'm so sorry. can you loan me a five? it's very cool. i like it. >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: what is your name? >> steve schaeffer. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: smart businessman. he's a smart businessman. steve schaeffer. steve, where you are you from? >> i wanted your autograph. i'm from philadelphia. >> jimmy: from philly. good man. the roots are from philly. they love you.
all right, so i don't even have to ask this question but the nfl season is in full swing. who is your favorite football team? >> the philadelphia eagles! ♪ >> jimmy: all right. very good. guys, we have our pal here, steve schaeffer. for five bucks, you get an original steve schaeffer pendant. they're from -- >> for your birthdays. >> jimmy: he's from philadelphia, which i'm sure you're familiar with. the roots are from philly. and his favorite team, of course, is the philadelphia eagles. [ cheers and applause ] for this first song, the new james bond movie is coming out, "skyfall," and nothing's better than a james bond theme. so, could you do this in like a james bondy-type of theme? >> you want us to dance? >> jimmy: it's tricky. no. you can just be a spy. you can pretend you're a spy. >> okay. ♪ he's in the audience his name is steven schaeffer he's wearing a necklace made by his son ♪
♪ in case you didn't know philly's where he's from and of course he thinks the eagles are number one ♪ ♪ and the necklace that he's wearing's by his son steven schaeffer jr. ♪ ♪ for five dollars you can get your own one and we can fly, eagles fly ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, buddy. thank you for doing that. "flyfall." >> "flyfall." that's what i'm talking about. >> jimmy: that's great. let's get another person. yeah, sure, come on up. stand up. here ya go. >> hey. >> jimmy: how ya doin', pal? >> can i just say that i love you with all my heart? >> jimmy: oh, i love you too. thank you. [ audience aws ] thank you so much. what is your name? >> julie. >> jimmy: julie? >> from the cayman islands. >> jimmy: oh, really? julie? >> yeah. well, from here, originally, but now i live in caymans, so -- >> jimmy: well, you have the accent. you might as well just go with it, right? >> yeah, i know, yeah. exactly, yeah, right. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: julie -- julie, halloween is coming up. do you know what you're gonna be for halloween?
>> oh -- i don't know. a sailor? >> jimmy: sorry? >> like, a little -- >> jimmy: sea hooker? [ laughter ] i don't know what that is. >> yeah, i like that. a sea hooker. >> jimmy: sailooker? >> i'm more like a sailor, you know? >> jimmy: oh, sailor? >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very good. thank you very much. but -- >> i can be that, too. >> jimmy: no. no. [ laughter ] >> i can actually be whatever you want me to be. >> jimmy: i am very happily married, here. i gotta be -- >> well, me too. >> jimmy: well, hey -- i don't know what's going on. [ laughter ] go to the cayman islands, man. -- let loose. >> well, you're the only -- you're my male crush. so, i'm allowed one. [ audience ohs ] so, that would be you. so, that's okay. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. [ applause ] we'll have to talk. yeah, we have to talk. [ light laughter ] julie, what was your all-time best halloween costume? you have any favorites of yours? >> i don't know. maybe -- i was an m&m cookie once. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: not just a cookie, but an m&m cookie. >> well, because -- yeah, i was obsessed with them, so, you know? >> jimmy: you were an m&m cookie? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i like the way you say that. okay. guys, we have our pal, julie, here. this year, she might go halloween trick or treating as a sailor -- [ light laughter ] a sailor -- and her all-time best halloween costume was an m&m cookie. yes. [ laughter ] >> yes, cookie. yes. >> jimmy: m&m cookie. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so this one, can you try this song like a little, like, one direction type of thing? like boy band? like, "what makes you beautiful" or something, type of vibe. >> oh. geez. ♪ >> jimmy: this is about you. ♪ her name's julie she's from the cayman islands and she's in new york to have a little fun ♪
♪ on halloween she was a cookie she says she wants to hang out and sail again ♪ ♪ maybe we can see her dressed in her costume as an m&m cookie ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sorry. we can do it like that. thank you. it was a pleasure to meet you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: pleasure to meet you. thank you, pal. sorry about that. how you doing, buddy? let me just cut through here, if you don't mind. i'll just cut through here. go to the other side. how are you guys doing? >> good, you? >> jimmy: nice to see you. very good. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: how you doin'? what's up, buddy? how are ya, man? [ laughter ] tough crowd up here. yeah, yeah. how you doing, buddy? >> pretty good. >> jimmy: hey, don't get up. don't worry about it. i'll make my way through. i appreciate it. thank you. how you doin'? hey mom, hey dad. how ya doin'? good to see you, guys. mom and dad. [ cheers and applause ]
i don't want to do the -- who else? [ applause ] all right. you, sir, right here. you. you can do it. [ cheers and applause ] take this, if you want. hold that. my mom and dad. watch for my mom and dad, over here. all right. what is your name? >> my name is alec. >> jimmy: is that alex? >> alec with a "c." >> jimmy: cool. alec, what do you do for a living? >> i work for a bank. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what's in -- what's in your wallet? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. yeah. [ laughter ] it's a good gig if you can get it. it's a good gig, yeah. [ laughter ] now, are you excited for any tv shows coming up this week? >> well, yes, jimmy, the thing i'm most excited about is the season premiere of "30 rock" this thursday at 8:00. [ cheers and applause ]
and 7:00 central on nbc. >> jimmy: "30 rock" on nbc. i do like that show. yeah, i love that show. roots, we have our friend, here. his name is alec with a "c." [ laughter ] he says he -- he's very -- he's excited to be here. he's excited for the "30 rock" premiere this thursday at 8:00 eastern, 7:00 central. >> on nbc. >> jimmy: on nbc. for this one, you guys, can we do it like a '50s doo-wop song? [ vocalizing ] ♪ i have a friend who'd like everyone to watch the season premiere thursday night for "30 rock" ♪ ♪ 'cause when he's not working for that bank he's on that show with liz lemon ♪ ♪ kenneth the page and tracy
only on nbc ♪ ♪ and he's so excited alec baldwin ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about! the great alec baldwin, everybody! i love you, my man! [ cheers and applause ] thanks to these guys and to the roots. we'll be right back with anderson cooper! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ moving along ♪ new beginnings and new ends ♪ spending our time with our family and our friends ♪ ♪ celebrate with the cool autumn air ♪ ♪ ♪ and we're livin' out our lives ♪
♪ as we dance without a care ♪ oh we were made ♪ don't worry, i can make more. ♪ oh to be free but i'm still stubbed up. [ male announcer ] truth is, nyquil doesn't unstuff your nose. what? [ male announcer ] alka-seltzer plus liquid gels speeds relief to your worst cold symptoms plus has a decongestant for your stuffy nose. thanks. that's the cold truth! will pick the perfect hotel. with everything in walking distance. and shrimp in reaching distance. [ male announcer ] book your perfect hotel in the perfect spot with ultra fast orbitz mobile apps. orbitz. take vacation back.
show and his work as a correspondent for "60 minutes," he also hosts the syndicated daytime talk show, "anderson live." please welcome anderson cooper! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: anderson cooper. we love you, buddy. thank you for coming down. >> my pleasure. >> jimmy: you made headlines last week when you had, of all the guests you think would make headlines -- >> yes. >> jimmy: teresa giudice. >> yes, teresa giudi -- yeah. she changed that, it seems like. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. she changes it. from "real housewives." >> i just say teresa from "real housewives of new jersey." >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: teresa from "real housewives of new jersey." >> yeah, she was on my daytime show. >> jimmy: yeah, i mean -- >> did you watch the reunion? >> jimmy: i was just going to ask you this. >> okay, did y'all watch the reunion? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: have you guys been seeing this? it is un -- it's stressful. >> i had to taken an ambien to fall asleep sunday night. [ laughter ] but seriously -- >> jimmy: i was watching it like, "oh, no." >> i also -- i don't know if
it's because -- that i come from, like, a wasp household, but we never expressed emotion growing up. so, like, the idea that people would yell at each other like this is -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's, like -- it's crazy. >> jimmy: well, at one point, too -- at one point, one of them -- there was always one character that was sane. >> well, no -- >> jimmy: now, they're all nuts. >> no, they're all insane. >> jimmy: and caroline -- i go, "caroline, what are you doing?" >> caroline is doing it. i know. she's like, "shut your trash mouth and listen up." and then, teresa's like, "you with the rolls, the blubber and the fat and the three rolls of fat --" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i mean, she's -- >> who talks like that? >> jimmy: "your mother's a liar!" >> oh, my gosh. and then -- >> jimmy: "don't you talk about my mother!" i was like, "what is going --" [ laughter ] >> nobody listens to anybody else. like, you know, in the world where you've, like, gone to therapy, you say, "you know what? what you said hurt me. and the way i feel about what you --" [ laughter ] there's none of that. there's none of that. it's like they'd never heard of therapy. somebody says something mean, and they just come back with something even worse. and then, it ends with some guy in the back screaming, "i'm gonna cut out her tongue!" [ laughter ]
and it turns out it's her sister. it's not a guy. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a woman. it is a woman. yes, it's rosie, the cousin, or something, yeah. >> it's like thanksgiving at oz. [ laughter ] it's like watching all the old episodes of "oz." >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> god, i'm so -- literally, it was stressful. and i'd be like, "i can't watch this anymore." and then, i would keep watching it. >> jimmy: so, you're addicted to it? i started watching it because my wife watched. and now, my wife's not even in the room. i go, "i got to watch 'real housewives.'" >> and i had teresa on the show last week, and people felt i was rude to her. and so then, i watched, and i did feel i was a little like -- i was kind of sitting -- >> jimmy: oh, my god, how can you be rude to her when -- what? when you compare -- >> well, i like to be very polite. and anyway -- >> jimmy: you are. you are. >> so, on twitter then, like, her family started attacking me on twitter. and some relative of hers -- i don't know who it was, a brother -- i didn't actually see it. i got a copy of the tweet. tweeted something like, "you should wear a skirt so she can bitch slap you." i was like, "i don't even know what that means." [ laughter and applause ]
>> jimmy: what? wait -- after you apologized? >> yeah. i should wear a skirt so she can bitch slap me? >> jimmy: what does that mean? i don't even know what that means. >> right. i don't know. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: the whole thing's weird. i love it. i'm such a -- >> oh, god, i can't watch. i can't do it. i really don't know that i -- andy cohen -- he's got to be tranquilized, because he sits there -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he has to be. >> and those thing goes on for 10, 11, 12 hours. teresa actually on the show said to me, "it took us -- we taped it from 10:00 to 10:00. it took 10 hours to tape." i was like, "that's 12 hours." it's like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, you know what? you do your math, i'll do mine. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> whatever. i don't want -- i'm not taking sides. >> jimmy: no, you don't. >> i'm not taking sides. >> jimmy: of course. >> i really don't know if i can watch the others, but i probably will. but i -- really, i took an ambien, and then, the next day, i was, like, zonked out. >> jimmy: what other reality shows do you like? >> i got to say i like my honey boo boo child. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] you watch honey boo boo? >> jimmy: "here comes honey boo boo" is one of the best shows
i've seen. i love it. >> if you haven't watched it, there's marathons on you got to watch. and i've interviewed them on the daytime show, and i spotted her, like, a year ago when she was on "toddlers & tiaras." but there's a couple things i like about it. first of all, every time they show an exterior of the house, there's a train going by. [ laughter ] have you noticed this? and when i had june on the show last week, i was like, "june, how often does that train go by?" she's like -- [ with southern accent ] "every day. every 10 to 15 minutes." i was, like, "wow, that's a lot of trains." and then, they shoot it so that -- first of all, i'd never heard of forklift foot. june got run over by a forklift at work, and she has forklift foot. [ laughter ] no -- >> jimmy: she has forklift foot. >> yeah. >> jimmy: like that's something that happens. >> on a special episode when they went to the pool, she showed the forklift foot, and it had, like, gnats on it. [ laughter ] anyway -- and all the kids, chubbs and pumpkin, were like, "mommy's got forklift foot!" and -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pumpkin's my girl. >> oh, no. and then, the most brilliant part is where they shoot it, they do these interviews with june where she is to camera -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- and then, they have a side camera, so june'll say something like, "jb got his leg caught in an auger."
and then, they do the sideways, cutaway camera and chubbs is in the back with a huge mountain dew going -- [ with southern accent ] "he deserved it, mama. he deserved it." [ laughter ] >> and she -- june so brilliant because while she's looking at the camera, she'll let out a huge burp and then, she just continues straight, look in the camera. there's no apology. there's no excuses. >> jimmy: she plows right through it. >> just plows right through it with a look -- a combined look of, like, sweetness and dead eye, you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she can do what she wants because she has forklift foot. >> she does, yeah. >> jimmy: gosh, i love her. >> yeah. but i would rather hang out with them than, like, the kardashians. >> jimmy: yeah. me, too. they're real people. >> real people, yeah. >> jimmy: they're real people. yeah, and i do love them. and they're a very loving family. >> no. they are. that's the thing. i mean, june's really involved with the kids. >> jimmy: i watched it getting ready to make fun of, and at the end of it, i felt -- >> i liked them. yeah, no. >> jimmy: it's like watching "the waltons." >> i know. sugar bear. >> jimmy: it really was. >> yeah. >> jimmy: "good night, john boy. good night, chubby." >> sugar bear has got, like, chew -- >> jimmy: "good night, chubbs. good night, sugar bear." >> sugar bear's got chew on one side of his mouth. he's got a slurpee in the other
side. i love it. >> jimmy: oh, my god, it's great. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i got to talk about your shows. let's talk about your daytime show. >> right. >> jimmy: now, it's "anderson live" is what -- >> "anderson live," right. it's syndicated. it's on in new york. it's -- 1:00. oh, no, 12:00. >> jimmy: 12:00. but you -- you have the audience now. it's live, so you can actually do -- if something happened in the news, you can send -- >> yeah, i like it. we have a co-host this year, which i really like. it's fun working off somebody. and we're live, so we do a lot of topical stuff. like when the guy bear hugged president obama, we flew him up the next day. he bear hugged me. he bear hugged, like, half the audience. he was the greatest guy. he just ran around bear hugging people. >> jimmy: why not, man? take that 15 minutes. >> but yeah, it's a lot of fun, you know? you can bring people -- like, you can really get involved in people's lives. >> jimmy: i've been on the show, and i had a blast. >> you were great on it. >> jimmy: it was a good crowd. oh, it was the best. and now, cnn -- i have a little -- i have a bone to pick with somebody. >> uh-oh. >> jimmy: i think you know what i'm talking about. >> i got a bone -- yeah, i know what you're talking about. i know. good, i'm glad you're revealing this, because i thought i was the only one who noticed. >> jimmy: yeah. no, i definitely saw this. i'm watching cnn. i watch you all the time. tomorrow night, you'll be covering the debates. >> right, yes. >> jimmy: which i'm excited to
watch. but my man wolf blitzer -- >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: -- got a pair of glasses. >> yeah. oh, yeah. >> jimmy: all of a sudden, he doesn't have 20/20 vision. it's really familiar. >> yeah, look at that. >> jimmy: it's like i've seen those glasses before. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: he's stealing your look! >> it is totally true. >> jimmy: he is trying to be you. >> i have been rocking these glasses now for a good two years. >> jimmy: sure. >> yeah. kathy griffin said they're shame glasses. i don't know what that means. but all of a sudden, blitzer shows up with that. >> jimmy: he's taking your look. he's -- >> yeah, i know. >> jimmy: the hair is getting whiter. >> next thing you know, he's going to say he's gay. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and then, you know it's all over. anderson cooper, you guys. check your local listings for "anderson live." mamie gummer joins us next. come on back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] this is the age of knowing what you're made of.
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overmany discounts to thine customers! [old english accent] safe driver, multi-car, paid in full -- a most fulsome bounty indeed, lord jamie. thou cometh and we thy saveth! what are you doing? we doth offer so many discounts, we have some to spare. oh, you have any of those homeowners discounts? here we go. thank you. he took my shield, my lady. these are troubling times in the kingdom. more discounts than we knoweth what to do with. now that's progressive.
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>> jimmy: oh! mamie, welcome to our show. i love the name mamie. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: mamie gummer. now, i don't hear that name often. >> no, no one -- no one would. >> jimmy: yeah. no one else was named mamie. what is -- are you named after somebody? >> i am. i'm named after my great grandmother. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, everybody on my mom's side of the family is either a harry or a mary, pretty much. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is that right? >> pretty much. >> jimmy: harry or a mary. >> yeah, and we all have -- >> jimmy: i love that. >> we all have nicknames. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, you have to 'cause -- yeah. to tell who's different. yeah, different. exactly. my parents names are jim and gloria. they're actually here in the audience tonight but -- my -- [ cheers and applause ] very tan. they're very tan and -- [ light laughter ] their names are jim and gloria. and my -- i have my sister and her name is gloria. and my name is jim. how original.
thanks, mom and dad! [ laughter ] >> -- very confusing. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm not gonna get picked on in school. don't worry about that. no, jim and gloria. very original names. but mamie is -- is a great name. your mom is meryl streep. >> indeed. >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] we love her. and you made your acting debut as a two-year-old little baby? >> yeah. >> jimmy: in -- with your mom, in the movie "heartburn." >> yeah. >> jimmy: which i love. >> really? have you seen it? >> jimmy: it's one of my favorite movies. >> really? ♪ i know nothing stays the same but if you're willing to play the game ♪ ♪ it's coming around again ♪ >> jimmy: oh, i love it. come on! that's so good! i love that. >> oh, i love it. yeah. >> jimmy: killer movie. but "the new york times" -- you weren't billed as meryl streep's daughter. you were just a two-year-old actress. >> natalie stern was my stage name. >> jimmy: is that -- [ light laughter ] natalie -- yeah -- >> -- i think birth of a star. >> jimmy: yeah. does it? yeah, yeah. >> it does. >> jimmy: really? really? >> natalie stern. yeah. something like that. i dunno. >> jimmy: it's -- "the new york times" review of the movie "heartburn" in 1986.
they said an inordinately cute baby already accomplished enough to steal scenes, even from ms. streep. they didn't even know that was you. i love that you stole the movie from your mom. >> i really -- you know, normally abhor critics, but that one was obviously very discerning. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very smart. critics are the best. yeah, they're great. actually, we have a clip of you in the movie "heartburn." here's a clip of a very young mamie gummer. here we go. >> you should say something to the folks back home, annie. >> da! >> what? >> da! >> da? a word?! oh, my god! ah, you can speak! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: come on. it all started with "da." >> yeah. >> jimmy: and, so now i hear you have this new show. it's on the cw. i'm very excited about this show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i like it. a fun show.
it's like -- i would say it's kind of like "ally mcbeal" meets "er." >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: right? how would you describe -- tell us. >> it is. it's not as -- every hospital, i guess, is very tense and -- but -- >> jimmy: it's not as medical as you'd say. like, it's more like -- it's almost like a -- a high school -- it's almost like -- well, basically it's you going back to high school. >> yeah, it's kinda high school redux. it's kinda -- it's about a woman who is at that stage in her life where she, by all appearances -- she's an adult and she's meant to have it together, but really, she kind of still feels like a kid. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and she has all those same insecurities and -- and, you know, that -- that doesn't just disappear. >> jimmy: no. >> you know, it's a process. >> jimmy: it's kind of interesting how, like, actual real work still feels like you're in high school. >> yeah. >> jimmy: there's cliques. you people that don't talk to each other in the office and like, "whatever, you're a nerd." you know, and there's -- [ laughter ] mean girls and there's everything. >> yeah. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i thought it was fun. i thought it was fascinating. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and i'm excited for
everyone else to check it out. really quick, i want to give a shout out to your new family member, bird. >> oh. >> jimmy: this is little bird, right there. [ audience aws ] now, how cute is this? now -- first of all, why is his name bird? >> well, he's an angel. he has wings. >> jimmy: no. stop it. >> no his -- he is called bird because we were in -- we live in brooklyn. we were walking through this boutique called "bird" to get a birthday present for a friend and instead, we got a bird but there was one of these adoption -- you know, the pop-up shelters on the sidewalk? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and we just saw this little face and so -- >> jimmy: oh, goodness. >> we got him. >> jimmy: what kind of dog is it? >> he's a mutt. he's a pomeranian and terrier mix. >> jimmy: beautiful dog. but let me show you also what -- the little angel that was in your trailer the other day and look what the little angel did. there you go. aw! what a cute little angel, bird. [ audience aws ] oh, my gosh. that's a cute dog. i love that. >> i mean, to be fair, i did leave him alone for 25 whole minutes. >> jimmy: oh, that's gonna happen.
she tore that -- whatever that was to shreds. i don't know what that is. bunch of napkins. >> that was my script. >> jimmy: "now i did it. okay?" i have a clip. i want to show everyone "emily owens, m.d." here's mamie gummer, you guys. check this out. >> i've been in school for 23 years straight and i finally feel like i'm entering the next phase of my life. >> pits? >> no. no, no, no. no. no. >> don't you recognize me? >> do i recognize you? you hid my clothes after gym class. you prank called my house. you tp'd my car. you were tormentor, my nemesis, the girl i debated against in the state -- debate club final. >> i'm so bad with names. >> cassandra copelson, from high school. >> "yeah. i remember you!" [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's super fun. it's super cute. i love it. mamie gummer, everybody. "emily owns, m.d." premiers october 16th, 9:00 p.m. on the
cw. kendrick lamar performs next. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] did you know that mach3 can last two times longer than a disposable? ♪ mach3 has high definition blades coated with 4 strengthening layers to help its blades stay sharp, so it can last 2 times longer than a disposable. get an incredibly close shave, day after day. switch to gillette mach3. better shave, great value. guaranteed. gillette, the best a man can get.
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he's making his tv debut with us tonight to perform the song "swimming pools (drank)," with a little help from the roots. please welcome kendrick lamar! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> this is for everybody who understand me. i need you to recognize my plan b is to win your hearts before i win a grammy. kendrick lamar. ♪ pour up drank head shot drank ♪ ♪ sit down drank stand up drank ♪ ♪ pass out drank wake up drank ♪ ♪ faded drank faded drank ♪ ♪ okay i grew around some people living they life in bottles ♪ ♪ granddaddy had the golden flask back stroke every day in chicago ♪ ♪ some people like the way it feels some people wanna kill they sorrows ♪ ♪ some people wanna fit in with the popular was my problem ♪ ♪ i was in the dark room loud tunes looking to make a vow soon ♪ ♪ that i'ma get effed up fillin' up my cup the crowd mood ♪ ♪ changing by the minute and the record on repeat
a sip and another sip then somebody said to me ♪ ♪ tell me why you babysittin two or three shots i'ma show you how to turn it up a notch ♪ ♪ first you get a swimming pool full of liquor then you dive in it ♪ ♪ pool full of liquor then you dive in it wave a few bottles i watch em all flock ♪ ♪ the girls wanna play baywatch i got a swimming pool full of liquor ♪ ♪ and they dive in it pool full of liquor i'ma dive in it ♪ ♪ pour up drank head shot drank ♪ ♪ sit down drank stand up drank ♪ ♪ pass out drank wake up drank ♪ ♪ faded drank faded drank ♪ ♪ okay now open your mind up and listen to me kendrick ♪ ♪ i'm your conscience if you do not hear me then you will be history, kendrick ♪ ♪ i know that you're nauseous right now and i'm hopin' to lead you to victory, kendrick ♪ ♪ if i take another one down i'ma drown in some poison abusin' my limit ♪ ♪ i think that i'm feelin' the vibe
the love in her eyes i see the feelin' ♪ ♪ the freedom is granted the damage of vodka arrive ♪ ♪ this how you capitalize this is parental advice apparently ♪ ♪ over influenced by what you are doin' i thought i was doin' the most then someone ♪ ♪ said to me ♪ tell me why you babysittin that two or three shots i'ma show you how to turn it up a notch ♪ ♪ first i get a swimming pool full of liquor then i dive in it ♪ ♪ pool full of liquor then you dive in it wave a few bottles i watch em all flock ♪ ♪ the girls wanna play baywatch i got a swimming pool full of liquor ♪ ♪ and they dive in it pool full of liquor i'ma dive in it ♪ ♪ pour up drank head shot drank ♪ ♪ sit down drank i stand up drank ♪ ♪ i pass out drank wake up drank ♪ ♪ faded drank faded drank ♪ ♪ it go ♪ i ride, you ride, bang one chopper one hundred shots, bang ♪ ♪ hop out, do you, bang two chopper two hundred shots, bang ♪
♪ i ride, you ride, bang that's one chopper one hundred shots, bang ♪ ♪ hop out, do you, bang two chopper two hundred shots, bang ♪ ♪ hands up, hey ♪ why you babysittin' that two or three shots i show you how to turn it up a notch ♪ ♪ you get a swimming pool full of liquor and you dive in it ♪ ♪ pool full of liquor i'ma dive in it i said i wave a few bottles then i watch em all flock ♪ ♪ the girls wanna play baywatch i got a swimming pool full of liquor ♪ ♪ and they dive in it pool full of liquor i'ma dive in it ♪ ♪ it go pour up drank head shot drank ♪ ♪ sit down drank stand up drank ♪ ♪ pass out drank wake up drank ♪ ♪ faded drank faded drank ♪ ♪ pour up drank head shot drank ♪ ♪ sit down drank stand up drank ♪ ♪ pass out
drank wake up drank ♪ ♪ faded drank faded drank ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the way to do it, man. >> what's good? >> jimmy: kendrick lamar! [ cheers and applause ] preorder his album "good kid, mad city" on itunes, right now. we'll be right back, everybody. kendrick lamar. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
one west virginia paper calls it a "cash cow" for them. but its cost maryland over one billion dollars. money that could have created good jobs and... better schools for us. question seven keeps maryland money in maryland. david smallwood: question seven, i think it will be a... good thing for the state of maryland. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to anderson cooper,