tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC December 1, 2014 11:34pm-12:37am EST
and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 173! >> steve: and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! oh! that's what i'm talking about! a hot crowd tonight! that's what you need, a great new york city crowd! welcome, everyone, to "the tonight show." thank you so much for being here. what a show to come to. what a show to be at. [ cheers ]
this is the one. this is the one. thank you for being here. thank you for watching, you guys. here's what everyone's talking about. everyone is gearing up for the holidays, you guys. in fact, last week, president obama and the first lady released the first ever interactive white house holiday card. you see that? it's really cute. the way it works is, you open the card, you enter your name and your social security number -- and then, you're signed up for obamacare. [ laughter ] it's just really a surrogate. happy holidays, suckers! happy holidays, suckers. very amazing. speaking of obama, i saw that on small business saturday, the president went shopping at a a bookstore and bought 17 books -- including "the laughing monsters," "being mortal" and "heart of darkness." [ laughter ] or as the cashier put it, "are you okay, man?" "chicken soup for the presidential soul," do you want to get that? [ laughter and applause ] and this is nice. the christmas tree, the white house christmas tree,
arrived this weekend. it's a 19-foot-tall white fir from pennsylvania. and first lady michelle obama was the first person to come out and take a look. watch. >> this is a big one. >> yeah. >> are they sure they can get this in the door? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the secret service are laughing. they're like, this is the white house. anything can get through the door. [ cheers and applause ] you've seen what we do. anything. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, it didn't even have any trouble hopping the fence. it's a tree and it's here. so, yeah, anything, yeah. here's some more political news here. republican strategists are predicting that the top three gop candidates for the 2016 presidential race will be rand paul, jeb bush and chris christie. [ scattered cheers ] that's also according to the names tattooed on hillary clinton's right forearm. [ laughter ]
burning a tattoo in her arm? >> steve: with a cigarette. >> jimmy: a bit of a scandal here. there are reports that vladimir putin bribed a soccer official with a picasso painting so he would support russia's bid to host the 2018 world cup. [ audience oohs ] yeah, putin was like, "it wasn't picasso. just picture of what his face would look like if he said no. his eye here, nose up here." [ laughter ] laughing, in the quote, he was laughing. >> steve: evil, evil quote. >> jimmy: well, now that the holiday shopping season is here, a lot of businesses are on the lookout for shoplifters. and in case you're worried, "good morning america" found a a master shoplifter to tell you everything you need to know about shoplifting. take a look. >> there's only five methods. either it's on you. either, if you're a female, it's in the purse. either it's in a bag. or it's in a shopping cart. or it's in a box. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sounds less like shoplifting and more like my
mom sneaking food into a movie theater. no, i'm just going to take my purse, yeah. yeah, wheel my purse into the movie theater. you want twizzlers? [ laughter and applause ] mom, is that a 2-liter bottle? don't get me thrown out of here. i'm going to watch this trailer for "star wars." [ light laughter ] >> steve: you brought hamburgers? >> jimmy: yeah, she's grilling burgers. i took in a hibachi, big deal. i'm not gonna pay $5 for a hot dog. >> steve: you're making your own ice cream? [ laughter ] give me that rock salt. >> jimmy: she brought an ice cream maker into the theater. i'll make my own bon-bons, big deal. think i'm gonna pay $5 for those things? >> steve: i'm making caramel. >> jimmy: no way. >> steve: give me that blowtorch. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guys, this seems weird to me. a brewery in oregon is apparently coming out with a
a new sriracha-flavored beer. [ scattered cheers ] that's right. a beer that tastes like hot sauce. they say it's the perfect beverage for finding out if you're an alcoholic. there you go. there's only one beer left, man. sorry, this one's got hot sauce in it. bring it over. [ laughter and applause ] it's not even cold. i don't care, just give it to me. and finally, it seems like everyone's excited about this. the first teaser for disney's "star wars: the force awakens" was released on friday. [ cheers and applause ] the teaser is 88 seconds long, but most "star wars" fans only lasted about five seconds. [ laughter and applause ] i'd smoke a cigarette if it weren't for my asthma. we have a great show, you guys. give it up for the roots! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! this is it!
guys, it is monday. we're so happy to be back. we have a big week of shows coming up. reese witherspoon will be here. angelina jolie will be here. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: chris rock will be here. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: cameron diaz will be here. yeah, it's a crazy big week. and the foo fighters will be here this week. >> steve: no! >> jimmy: it's a giant week. [ cheers and applause ] it's "the tonight show." but first, we have a great show tonight. i'm not kidding. this is one of the best shows tonight. tonight's show is the best one that we've ever done. [ laughter ] we think. he's one of the funniest people on the planet. i love him. you love him. everyone in the world loves this guy. he's also one of the busiest guys. he has a great new memoir out. it's called "i must say: my life as a humble comedy legend." [ laughter ] he's the best! >> steve: oh, he's the greatest. >> jimmy: he is the greatest. gosh, you just don't want this book to end. i'll talk to him about this. martin short is here, you guys. >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's really -- >> steve: i read it. it's great. >> jimmy: -- fantastic, man. there's so many things to talk to him about.
we're going to talk and then we're going to play a game of pictionary tonight with -- [ cheers and applause ] -- with some very special guests. >> steve: ooh. [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: also, from the new movie "top five," the beautiful, the talented, gabrielle union is coming by. [ cheers and applause ] that's a good one. and we have fantastic music. do you remember, higgins, we went out to dinner -- we went to dinner. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and we saw this performer sitting at a table with her friends eating dinner. [ laughter ] she was with taraji? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: i think she was eating dinner with taraji, and we sent over our bill. [ laughter ] >> steve: then we waved. when it got there, we waved. >> jimmy: yeah, but i just wanted to see what her reaction was. we said, oh, no, she's going to take care of that. so, we sent our bill over to her table. and she was like -- she was just eating -- what's that? [ laughter ] and like, just trying to be really polite.
oh, that gentleman over there sent it over. she wouldn't even look over at us. we were waving. finally, she was like, i'm not sure what -- and she looked over and that's when we were like -- [ laughter ] mary j. blige is here! [ cheers and applause ] she was a good sport. guys, you know, every night, i get to interview celebrity guests on my show. and i love what i do, but i also love another guy's show out there. he's the guy who asks the hard-hitting questions that most hosts are afraid to ask. the guy i'm talking about, of course, is jiminy glick. and i -- [ cheers and applause ] are you familiar with his show? i recently got to be a guest on his show. and i was a little nervous going in, but i think it turned out okay. do we have it? we have a clip here from my interview on "talk of the town with jiminy glick." here, take a look at this. [ applause ] ♪
>> hello, i'm jiminy glick! i'm sitting here with tv's late night little rapscallion, the giggle boy himself. you're wonderful, jimmy. hello. this is so exciting for me to be talking to you, because usually i talk to celebrities. [ laughter ] so, this is a big change of pace. it really is. so, i want to know about your journey. i want to know about how jimmy fallon got to where he is. but not too much detail because i don't actually care. >> jimmy: understood. >> you were born where? >> jimmy: i was born in brooklyn -- >> wonderful. >> jimmy: brooklyn, new york. >> poor brooklyn or "newsies" brooklyn? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i was born in poor brooklyn. >> poor brooklyn, poor brooklyn. and i can assume from the grammar, limited education. [ laughter ] because there's so many words that you shy away from -- the "f" word. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you don't do it, do you? the "f" word, and also the word "awesome." it seems you're scared of it.
when you -- here's what i want to know. you got this job at "the tonight show." >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then, you say to "american idol," i'm not going to do it anymore. could you not have done both? >> jimmy: that wasn't -- yeah, i didn't do "american idol." that wasn't me. that was ryan seacrest. i think you're -- [ light laughter ] >> and you're? >> jimmy: jimmy fallon. >> oh, my god! these questions are not -- i'm not prepared for this! all right, so, let's see. you said just before we started you felt it was too soon for a a woman to be president. what did you mean by that? >> jimmy: you must have heard someone else talking. >> no, i heard you, dear. let me see. i loved you on "snl." you were so wonderful. i loved you in that, your character, giggling boy and the background guy. how do you get to create a a character like that? >> jimmy: i wasn't supposed to be giggling boy and the background guy. that's not -- [ laughter ] >> how come he always was? if you're not supposed to be, how come it always was? i used to be very heavy. and --
[ laughter ] you know, i've been on jenny craig more times than mr. craig. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. this is so nice. this is so much fun. this is great. >> oh, this is wonderful. [ laughter ] i sometimes find out, when you're choking, more food helps. let me ask you about your relationship with justin timberlake. >> jimmy: he's good friend of mine. very, very good friend of mine. >> is he your lover? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, he's -- >> admit it! on national television with an audience -- >> jimmy: okay, i've had enough. >> top or bottom? >> jimmy: you're just trying to get a reaction out of me. >> i'm not trying to get a a reaction. >> jimmy: you're trying to get a reaction out of me. >> i'll tell you the reaction i'm trying -- i'm trying to get over the fact that i thought
this was with kimmel. [ laughter ] because i wouldn't be here! >> jimmy: this is stupid. >> oh, you're stupid! >> jimmy: this is the stupidest -- >> oh, you're stupid! >> jimmy: get the [ bleep ] off me, man. [ bleep ] >> what did you say? >> jimmy: shut the [ bleep ] up! [ laughter ] >> that's wonderful! if we could only get him to say "awesome." you are wonderful, absolutely. oh, someone had a hot dog. [ laughter ] this has been jiminy glick, and i've been talking to the wonderful -- >> jimmy: jimmy fallon. >> -- jimmy fallon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think it turned out -- [ laughter and applause ] my thanks to jiminy glick for having me on his show. stick around. we'll be right back with martin short, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ the world is your snowball see how it grows. ♪
play the 5 gum truth or dare challenge and you could win a sensory adventure. waiter: yep. new gingerbread french toast and pumpkin pancakes. but they're only around for a limited time. girl: can i still get it if i'm on the naughty list? waiter, chuckling: i think you'll be fine. [bell rings] waitress: welcome to denny's! ♪ ♪
oh, my god, it's hilarious. "i must say: my life as a a humble comedy legend." it's in stores right now. and then, he hits the big screen december 12th in the new movie "inherent vice." that's the new paul thomas anderson. and on january 7th, he joins the cast of the broadway hit "it's only a play." phew, that's a lot of stuff. ladies and gentlemen, a a talented man. here's martin short! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's actually happening! oh, my goodness! >> it can't be true. >> jimmy: this is it right there. martin short, everybody! thank you very much. >> wow, look at you! >> jimmy: thank you for joining us. there he is! martin short, everybody! thank you very much for -- >> oh, come on, stop it! thanks. >> jimmy: oh, my -- amazing, amazing. >> i adore being overwhelmed by love like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm so happy you're here! >> i am thrilled to be here.
congratulations. >> jimmy: thank you very much. >> this show -- this is my first appearance on your "tonight show." >> jimmy: i appreciate you coming on. >> i am very excited to be here. >> jimmy: please, you have so much to talk about. [ cheers and applause ] >> this is a massive, massive, insane success. you are to all media what president obama is to msnbc. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you so much! >> i mean, your energy. i cannot -- i watch you every night. it's like insane. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i imagine yourself at night, and you know, your wife, nancy, is saying, "honey, it's 3:00 in the morning. put the guitar down, take off the wig and come to bed." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's basically every single night. it is, yeah. >> and you look tremendous. >> jimmy: thank you very much. that's so nice. you do as well. [ cheers and applause ] >> since you switched to skinny girl margaritas, you've lost the muffin top. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's exactly what it was. >> you look like a hollister mannequin. you really do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> great to see andy richter.
i always loved you. >> jimmy: no, no, no. that's not -- that's steve higgins. that's steve higgins. >> oh, i see. >> jimmy: very good. >> how are you, steven? haven't seen you guys since the charlie manson bachelor party. that was great. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. charles manson's getting married. charlie manson's bachelor party! they killed with "when a manson loves a woman." >> jimmy: that was a great one. they didn't have to do it. they just did it for fun. i must say, i loved reading this book. so many things to talk about. it's unbelievable. i like the -- i want to get into how you got into some of the characters that we all know and love. but also, as a fan of just comedy -- if you love comedy, you have to read this book. i don't want it to end. i don't want -- i just want to keep reading, because every chapter's like -- this is so fun and interesting and great. >> thank you. i know every single one of these characters. i know nathan thurm. and i go, are some of these characters -- they're all based on people you've met through your life or
people you know. ed grimley was based on a kid you knew in high school. >> there was a guy in high school who wanted to be a a photographer, and his voice would always go up like that. and i'd say, "shawn, so did you take any photos this weekend?" i took a lot of slides. but, um, i didn't, um, develop it because i took it. so therefore, i kind of knew what it was. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: everything ended in a a question. >> um, eh -- >> jimmy: anyone ever bust you and go, like, "hey, i know you're doing me, man." >> yeah, at "saturday night live." at "saturday night live." because i always -- you know, i always think that if you create a character -- if you start off with a real person, it kind of -- you're basically grounded in three dimensions. and when i was doing "saturday night live," a cast member -- there was the most offensive makeup artist. and we'll call her marian seifert. that wasn't her real name, but we'll just say that. [ laughter ] her name was marian seibert. >> jimmy: yeah.
>> you sit in the makeup chair and you say, "gee, marian, i look a little pale, though." and she'd say, "i know that. you don't think i know that? i'm a makeup artist. i would know that." and she chain smoked. you could do that in the room in '84, in the room. i'd say, "oh, sorry, marian." so, about a month later, billy crystal, and christopher guest, and harry shearer, and i were writing a piece, a satire of "60 minutes." and i'm going to play the defensive lawyer that always defends the bad guy. and i go, "i don't know who play." and billy crystal says, "why don't you play marian seibert? you do it behind her back all the time anyway." [ laughter ] and i said, "oh, i'll get caught." "ah, they never find out," he says. you know. >> jimmy: you're a man, she's a a woman. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. it's not going to happen. so, i'm now sitting on the set. and of course, and i'm -- as nathan thurm, this lawyer, being cross-examined by harry shearer, playing mike wallace. but i forget that marian seibert, of course, is a a makeup artist. so, she'll be there. [ laughter ] and so i'm mike wallace, as harry is saying, "so, mr. thurm, do you think it's appropriate for a lawyer to behave?"
i say, "i know that. you don't think i know that? i'm a lawyer. i would know that." and the director says, "cut, he's sweating." and she goes, "i know that. you don't think i know that? i'm a makeup artist." [ laughter and applause ] and then, like i said, as you know, when something's a hit, you do it again and again. i always try to get caught. i never got caught. and then the last -- the final show, big party. and one of her assistants got drunk. and she went, "marian, how stupid are you? you're nathan thurm! everyone knows it but you!" and she confronted me. and she said, "i thought you were my friend." and i said, "marian, you know, i am your friend. i just -- you know impersonation is the highest form of compliment." and she said, "i know that. you don't think i know that?" [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm telling you, you have to get this. you also do the audio book,
which i hear is amazing as well. because you actually get to hear martin short's voice. i mean, it's not like james earl jones is doing an audio book. >> sharon gless wasn't available. >> jimmy: but you're doing the stories. go pick this up because it's so, so fun. and then you have this movie. you're in this giant paul thomas anderson movie. >> yes, how cool is that? "inherent vice." joaquin phoenix. >> jimmy: i mean, talk about -- it's dramatic. >> yeah. well, it's a comedy/drama/mystery. it's very -- you know, he's like -- >> jimmy: who do you play? >> i play dr. rudy blatnoyd, and he's a dentist. it's a typical role for me. i'm a cocaine-addicted guy obsessed with having sex with young women. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: type cast. hello! you're always doing this character. >> as i like to say privately, ya-huh! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why privately? >> i don't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why privately? why not just say ya-huh? >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a scene here.
gosh, this is a fun movie. >> oh, don't. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes, you know i'm going to. here's martin short with joaquin phoenix. joaquin's trying to find out what -- there's like a secret -- >> it's '70s l.a., and everyone's drugged in it. and he's trying to solve a very bizarre mystery. >> jimmy: that's good, yes. here's martin short and joaquin phoenix in the new film inherent vice." take a look. >> i don't know what this is. >> is it chinese? >> i figured he was being chinese. >> what? who are we talking about? >> the golden fang. >> the syndicate. both of whom happen to be dentists. syndicate of dentists. long ago for tax purposes. all legit. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah.
purple suit. >> purple suit! december 12th, ladies and gentlemen. >> jimmy: december 12th, "inherent vice." you guys, martin short and i are playing pictionary after the break. it's going to be fun! >> i've never played that before. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ come on! wait for me! there it is. ah! hurry up. you're heavy. are you sure these letters will get to santa? yes, of course. hold still. almost there. a little bit higher. i can't hold you up much longer. ah! whoa! [ all giggle ] ♪ hi, fellas. hi, virginia. why are you on the floor? [ female announcer ] bring your letter to santa into macy's and we'll donate to the make-a-wish® foundation. together, we'll collect a million reasons to believe.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody, welcome back! martin short is here, and we're about to play a game of pictionary. but first -- but first, we're going to need opponents. >> yeah, i think so. >> jimmy: she's a youtube sensation and the guest on the current episode of "comedians in cars getting coffee," and he
is the host. please welcome miranda sings and jerry seinfeld! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, marty. >> hey, jerry. >> hey, jimbo. good to see you, pal. this is my friend, miranda. >> jimmy: good to see you. good to see you. miranda sings. [ cheers and applause ] miranda sings. jerry seinfeld. [ audience chanting jerry ] >> jimmy: all right, here we go. now -- [ audience chanting jerry ] that's a different show, guys. [ laughter ] no one's gonna tackle each other. a different show. you are the father. now, look. everyone knows how to play pictionary, right? miranda, have you played pictionary before? >> of course i've played pictionary! it's the easiest game ever. >> jimmy: okay, you're on jerry's team and you're on my team, and -- [ laughter ] team seinfeld, why don't you guys go first? please. >> okay. >> jimmy: jerry, you can draw. >> jerry draws?
me draw? >> jimmy: you can draw. >> oh, perfect. that's what i was going to suggest, so -- all right. [ laughter ] >> what do you want to do? >> so i just pick -- what number? [ shouts ] [ light laughter ] what the heck? >> jimmy: yeah, we can go. >> yes, i'm ready, miranda. go ahead. >> jimmy: haters back off me. [ laughter ] here we go. ready? go! >> you can go now, miranda. >> i'm going! >> jimmy: the time is running out. >> there's a time limit on this. what are you drawing? >> stop yelling at me! there's too much pressure! >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. jerry, you were yelling at her. you're being a little out of line. >> are you going to guess? are you gonna guess? >> is it a leaf? fall? is it fall? >> no. >> jimmy: oh wait, you've gotta say -- is it a thing or is it a a movie? >> no. it's a thing. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> it's a thing. well, that narrows it down. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> it's pretty obvious, jerry. >> okay. is it a -- [ buzzer ] >> oh. [ sad tuba ] >> why didn't you draw something? >> how did you not get that?
>> jimmy: what was it? >> it's a mistletoe. >> jimmy: mistletoe! obviously, it's a mistletoe. >> obviously! >> jimmy: yeah, no. >> he doesn't know anything. >> jimmy: i love that you have to go to the classic jerry -- >> nice going. >> jimmy: you have to go into the classic jerry seinfeld voice and go, "why didn't you draw something?" [ laughter ] all right, here we go. [ cheers and applause ] what are you talking about? >> i thought you did a very nice job! >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: okay. >> all right, go! >> jimmy: okay, it's an action. >> it's a man who's been blown apart. [ laughter ] a man near a house! and it's an action. oh! he's wind surfing. he's kite flying. he's kite flying. a kite runner! "the kite runner"! >> jimmy: what'd you say? >> "the kite runner"! >> jimmy: no. it kind of sounds like -- it rhymes with whatever you just said. >> the mighty runner. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] this is it. >> a kite. a kite. >> how much time do they get? [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] [ laughter ] >> so what is it? >> jimmy: hang glider.
a hang glider. >> that's a half a point. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> i mean a kite runner, hang glider. [ talking over each other ] >> i thought she was bad. that was horrible. >> see how brilliant you are at this. >> here we go. now, what is this? >> in this version, you guess, okay? >> okay. >> and i will draw. >> i'm ready. i'm waiting. >> something bigger than that. >> we'll see about that. [ laughter ] >> all right, now the audience helps me with the number? [ shouts ] >> three! >> like this matters. oh, god. the paper. don't start the clock. all right. >> can you tell me what it is first? >> all right, this is a phrase. it's a phrase. >> a line. a circle. a person. a bat. a chicken? thanksgiving dinner. >> it's an expression. >> a friend. >> jimmy: chicken? >> it's an expression. what is that? >> it looks like a freaking chicken! [ laughter ] >> it's not a chicken. >> jimmy: well, it kind of does, but not really. >> what does it look like? >> look. they're nails. these are nails. these are parts. >> jimmy: you can't say that! >> oh, i can't say that. >> jimmy: no! [ laughter ] >> nails! it's nails!
>> no, it's not nails -- >> he just said it was nails! >> jimmy: that's what it was, but that's not it. >> what is that? what is that? >> it's a flair. you drew a freaking flair. [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] [ laughter ] >> what is it? >> foot in the door. >> foot in the door, thank you. >> that's a foot? ♪ [ applause ] >> great job. that was great! that was great! that was great! you did great. >> what's the point of this game? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we've got this. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we've got this, man. we've got this. >> oh, yeah. so it's 0-0, right? >> yeah, we got this, but the competition -- [ laughter ] >> now, what number should i pick, audience? [ shouts ] sure. okay. this is an object. >> jimmy: okay. we can do this. >> okay, ready? >> jimmy: yes. >> i think the plaque's go in the disposal -- >> jimmy: money. money is an object. a bank. >> aero -- >> no, you're not in this. you're not in this.
>> money. >> jimmy: no, no, devil bank. [ laughter ] a snowman. bag of money. devil. bag, money. bank! snowman! snowman! man! bank teller. bank teller. nope. bank, a bank, bank, bank. nope, nope, money. snowman. bag. bag. [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] >> money bag. >> piggy bank! >> jimmy: piggy bank. >> we can win this. >> if that was, i mean, i don't quite know. i guess you don't know art? >> jimmy: no, i don't. [ laughter ] all right. here's the deal. guys, we're gonna draw at the same time. and then whoever -- whichever team guesses first wins the whole game. >> that makes sense. [ talking over each other ] >> 'cause that'll feel like a a big finish for the bit. >> yeah. >> oh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a big finish. right? >> as opposed to the big beginning and middle. >> all right. now, who wants to draw? do you want to draw or guess? >> no, no, you're pretty good. [ laughter ] no, i don't know. what are we doing? it's your show. >> jimmy: i think you draw and, miranda, you draw. this time --
>> i am the expert here. >> take a little -- you know, do a little more drawing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. i can sense the tension between -- >> it's a little tension, yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: something must have happened backstage. >> you're going down! [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> what did you do that for? she got all upset now. [ talking over each other ] [ laughter ] >> i apologize. >> miranda, stop. >> jimmy: back off, haters. back off, haters. here we go. >> which one do we pick? [ shouts ] >> ladies first. >> jimmy: no, no, you have to have the same clue. sorry. >> let's do this one. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> oh. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. what is it? >> it's a person! it's a person. >> jimmy: miranda, what does that stand for? what are you doing? >> i am ready. >> jimmy: okay, she's ready to go. do you have an opening stance? >> jimmy: yeah! [ cheers ] let's start the -- what is it? what is it? >> a person. >> it's a person. >> jimmy: it's a person.
>> it's a person, okay. >> jimmy: it's a person, ready? person, start the clock. here we go! >> he's got a round -- he's round. >> jimmy: sun, the moon. >> it's round. it's a round person. >> jimmy: snowman! >> it's a round person. >> jimmy: it's a round person. >> he's got feet. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't look at mine. don't look at my partner's! >> what? >> jimmy: you're cheating. you're looking at my partner. >> oh, i'm sorry. how did i miss it? [ laughter ] he's got a hole in his face. he's got -- it's -- it's -- >> jimmy: an alien? what is it, charlie brown? >> what is that? >> jimmy: a pumpkin! [ laughter ] >> oh, no, no. [ buzzer ] [ sad tuba ] [ cymbals crash ] [ laughter ] >> oh, that's horrible. >> jimmy: you guys, this is the first ever tie in pictionary. >> yeah! >> jimmy: and we're happy like this. the way soccer works, people happy with ties right now. i have to thank martin short, jerry seinfeld, miranda sings! [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: check out comediansincarsgettingcoffee.co with these two right there. gabrielle union joins us next. there she is in the xbox one green room. hi!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a a talented, talented actress who stars alongside chris rock in what people are saying is the funniest movie of the year, "top five." it opens december 12th. please welcome to the show, the lovely, gabrielle union! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, welcome, welcome. so great to see you. oh, my gosh. you look gorgeous as always. >> thank you! thanks for having me back. >> jimmy: oh, please. last time it was -- we had you here, you were about to get married. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then you get married. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and how was it? it was -- >> it was amazing! >> jimmy: congratulations! >> it was a perfect day. >> jimmy: it was. >> it was the perfect day. >> jimmy: i have a photo. [ cheers and applause ] i'm so happy for you. there you are right there. i mean, look at this.
i like looking -- look at your boy's looking over, like "eww, they're kissing, whoo!" that's super cute. and how was it? any highlights? i mean, did you -- >> oh, there were so many. it was just perfect. we had john legend perform. >> jimmy: come on! >> no, no, seriously. and -- [ laughter ] we had guy, super group, guy. >> jimmy: yeah! >> reunited. we had questlove deejay. >> jimmy: questlove deejayed? >> yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's always a fun party. >> no, it was amazing. the highlight would have to be the dance-off. >> jimmy: you had a dance-off at the wedding? >> it was "you got served part 8." it was amazing. [ laughter ] it was good. >> jimmy: did you participate in the dance-off? >> of course. come on, no. it was good. >> jimmy: how is your husband? how's dwyane -- dwyane wade? >> god has given him many gifts. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's never a good way to start off someone -- >> dancing is not one of them. >> jimmy: really? >> inside, he is usher. [ laughter ] and then what happens from the brain to his extremities is like a toddler just learning to, like, bend and -- [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: i think i've kind of done that. it's kind of my move as well. >> it's precious, you know. >> jimmy: congrats on that. i'm so happy for you. now "top five" is the only movie that i can keep hearing -- everyone's like, "dude, you can't wait." and everything i've heard so far is just like crying laughing. >> oh, good. >> jimmy: it's so fun. have you known chris for a a while? chris rock? >> i've known chris forever. you know, in hollywood, you -- everyone ends up at these events. and there's like the cool crowd. and then there's the people who are out by the bar. like the -- i wouldn't say the stoners, per se, because those actually exist in hollywood. but we're like the kids that's kind of like looking on the outside, kind of making, you know, wise remarks, and -- chris is kind of always in the back corner with me. and he's a cool -- he's a cool cat. >> jimmy: yeah. so, you just hang out and go to parties together. and you guys see each other now and then like, "hey, what's up?" >> yeah. if you have like, the "vanity fair" party, a a golden globes party or like a a prince party or something like that. >> jimmy: the prince. how do you get invited to a a prince party? >> it's the coolest, most
bizarre thing. so, like, your phone goes off. you get a text, and it's just an address. [ laughter ] and you're like, "oh, i got it! i got it!" but you don't get a plus one. so, you have to hope that whoever you went to your hollywood party with, also -- you know, their phone also goes off. >> jimmy: got a text from prince. >> i don't even know how he gets your number, but you -- you're like -- >> jimmy: he's prince! he's magic. he just does that to people's phones. yeah, you go, "oh, my god." >> your friend didn't get a a text. >> jimmy: how many of these prince parties -- >> you ditch them. you have to, "bye, i'm going to prince's house!" >> jimmy: but how many have you been to? >> a few, a few. >> jimmy: really? and they're always fun? they're always fun? >> they're always amazing. but, like, i didn't -- i don't -- i didn't know prince from before. >> jimmy: i don't know -- >> just "purple rain," and i'm a -- you know, fascinated. and sometimes i'm a little socially awkward, and i panic when i meet people that, you know, are amazing like prince. and so, i was like, "thank you, mr. prince, um -- i'm gabrielle union." i'm trying to, like, give my list of credits, like why -- you know. >> jimmy: why you're -- he's like -- >> he had like some past hors d'oeuvres and i was like, "if i
had known there was food, i would have brought a tuna casserole." and i panicked. like, why? why would i say that? [ laughter ] but i -- >> jimmy: yeah, it's awful. that's an awful thing to say, yeah. >> i do make a great tuna casserole, but, like, why did i say that? >> jimmy: what would you expect prince to say? yeah, maybe you should have -- [ laughter ] we have tuna casserole in the whole next room. you haven't been to the casserole room yet. i want to talk about "top five." you play a reality star. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you're about to go to this big episode in the reality show where the big wedding is coming up. >> yes, the wedding, the big made-for-tv wedding. and he kind of goes off the rails -- >> jimmy: we have a clip. here's gabrielle union and chris rock in "top five." take a look at this. >> hi. >> hi, beautiful. >> ray, my man. hey, would you mind getting in on the other side of the fountain and taping this -- for the show.
>> [ bleep ], benny, i'm not on the show. >> you're on the show. you're just not getting paid. >> guys, play nice, please? >> i always play nice. >> mr. groom. baby, sweetheart, i'm almost there. we've got three more days, and then we're married. are you happy? >> i'm happy. i'm just a little stressed out from this movie, that's all. >> oh! why are you stressed? baby, you did great work. you murdered that role. >> thank you. thank you. >> okay? where's my kiss? >> do we have to do this on camera? come here. let's go back to the car. >> if it's not on camera, it doesn't exist. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: if it's not on camera, it doesn't exist. >> it doesn't exist. didn't happen. >> jimmy: you're really great. gabrielle union, everybody. "top five" is in theaters december 12th. mary j. blige performs next. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love our next guest. she is a multiple grammy-winning artist whose new album "the london sessions" finds her collaborating with stars like sam smith and disclosure. performing the song "therapy," please welcome mary j. blige! ♪ ♪ why would i spend the rest of my days
unhappy ♪ ♪ why would i spend the rest of this year alone when i can go therapy when i can go therapy ♪ ♪ when i can go to therapy two times a day ♪ ♪ why would i spend the rest of the this week so bitter ♪ ♪ and all that listening is making you bitter too when i can go therapy when i can go therapy ♪ ♪ when i can go therapy two times a day ♪ ♪ i don't want to be around me ♪ ♪ and i don't blame you if you're blocking all my calls ♪ ♪ been a while since i've been sleeping soundly ♪
♪ most nights i lie awake between 2 and 4 work is stressing me out and after all this time ♪ ♪ it's still never enough why would i spend the rest of my days unhappy ♪ ♪ why would i spend the rest of this year alone when i can go therapy when i can go therapy ♪ ♪ when i can go to therapy two times a day ♪ ♪ i care more about what you think then i care about the music ♪ ♪ when i get crossed with you i'm surprised you care at all i figure ♪ ♪ if i had a lifetime of time left well shame on me if i don't get to use it well ♪
♪ yeah i'm stressing you out and at the way it's going you'll need it ♪ ♪ more than me why would i spend the rest of my days unhappy ♪ ♪ why would i spend the rest of this year alone when i can go therapy when i can go therapy ♪ ♪ when i can go therapy two times a day ♪ ♪ someone help me turn me round i'm a victim ♪ ♪ hate the sound of my own voice turn it down ♪ ♪ and all i do is aggravate ya ♪ ♪ why would i spend the rest of my days so bitter ♪ ♪ and all that listening is making you bitter too
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to martin short, gabrielle union, jerry seinfeld, miranda sings, mary j. blige! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye! thanks! [ cheers and applause ] ♪