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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  March 7, 2017 11:34pm-12:38am EST

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it's going to be mild for a couple of days, and then it's going to get really cold again. >> have a great night. thanks for watching. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests, neil patrick harris, ken jeong, comedian josh johnson --
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and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 629, nashville, yeah! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, everybody! hi, everybody! welcome! thank you very much -- thank you for being here! hot crowd tonight! hot new york city crowd tonight here! [ cheers and applause ] here at the "tonight show." this is it, you're here, you made it. you guys, here's what people are talking about, president trump is getting
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ready to speak to congress next tuesday. and apparently this speech will be more upbeat than the one he gave at his inauguration. [ light laughter ] people were like, "seriously, 'manchester by the sea' was more upbeat than his inauguration speech." [ laughter and applause ] so that's -- i've heard that trump's frequent visits to his mar-a-lago resort have many wondering if he'll stick with the presidential tradition of visiting camp david. while others would just be happy if he stuck with the tradition of visiting the white house. [ cheers and applause ] you're still president on the weekends, you know that? all right, good. >> jimmy: of course another big story of trump's ongoing feud with the media. especially his tweet where he called the press "the enemy of the american people." [ light laughter ] and the american people said, "no, that would skill be kale. we don't like -- no one likes kale." [ applause ] "have you tried baking it with a little olive oil?" "yeah, i've tried that too and i don't --" "it tastes like potato chips." "no, it doesn't. [ light laughter ] tastes like kale."
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"you put some salt --" "yeah, yeah, yeah." "fake cheese stuff." "yeah i know it tastes gross." "have you ever had it with a a dorito? you can barely taste the kale." but get this, so former democratic presidential candidate lincoln chaffee is actually siding with trump saying he can relate to how trump's being covered. and even lincoln chaffee was like, "wait, who am i again?" [ laughter and applause ] am i the guy with the guitar? no, that was martin o' malley. no, yeah, i was the guy with the hair, okay. speaking of the media, it's time to see how things are going for white house press secretary sean spicer with today's "sean spicer press briefing moment," take a look. ♪ >> and with that, we're going to take some questions. steve holland. >> steve holland's not here. ♪ [ laughter and applause ]
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>> jimmy: still getting the hang of things. i saw that all over the country, republican town halls are being met with some pretty hostile crowds. one colorado congressman even snuck out the back door to escape. yeah, i guess that might explain what i saw on c-span today. ♪ >> coming up on c-span, at 12:00 p.m., senator mitch mcconnell zips himself into a duffel bag and asks his assistant to carry him out to the parking lot. at 1:00 pm senator ted cruz shrieks, "farewell, nitwits," throws a smoke bomb, then when the smoke clears is still visible frantically trying to open a window. at 2:00 p.m., house speaker paul ryan says, "i have to take this call." then starts talking into a a stapler. and finally at 3:00 p.m., senator rand paul shouts, "is that nick from 'the bachelor,'" then tries to run through the wall like the kool-aid man. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: yep, yep, now i get it. >> steve: oh, yeah! >> jimmy: oh, yeah! >> steve: see ya later, nitwits. you can still see me, drat!
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>> jimmy: guys, this is pretty big. today nasa called a press conference to announce that they've found seven new planets. the crowd cheered while pluto was like -- [ slow clap ] really great. [ cheers and applause ] really happy for you. yeah, apparently the planets are 40 light years away and could actually support life. when they heard this, millions of tinder users expanded their search distance. let's try 20 billion miles. [ laughter and applause ] still nobody? come on, what's -- check it out, this week u.p.s. unveiled a new delivery truck that uses drones to fly packages out for delivery. and u.p.s. drivers were like, "hey as long as we're inventing new things for our trucks, how about doors?" [ laughter and applause ] it's february! you make us wear shorts! [ laughter ] >> steve: sam kinison.
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>> jimmy: we run around in brown shorts! and it's freezing! that's right, u.p.s. are using drones which explains their new slogan, "what can brown drop on you?" wait a second. >> steve: wait, whoa! [ laughter and applause ] wait a second. >> jimmy: hey, i saw that today is george washington's birthday. [ cheers and applause ] don't worry, he's not watching. but george washington is of course the father of our country. while trump is more like the stepfather that got your mom on the rebound. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience oohs ] "you're not my real president!" "you call me dad whenever you're ready." okay, that's -- [ laughter ] guys, sometimes it feels like there's nothing but bad news out there. well, we here at "the tonight show" have decided to do something about that. so we asked real local nbc news anchors from all around the country to read stories that we wish were true. stories that make us feel happy. i'll show you what i mean in tonight's installment of "i've got good news and good news." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i've got good news good news good news ♪
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>> this just in, your hair dresser had to hang a photo of you right next to her mirror today because too many people were asking for the "you." >> nasa just announced a meteor is headed toward earth but it is a party meteor. carrying margaritas, tortilla chips and lots of guac. >> on the count of three, what's your favorite color? one, two, three -- hey, mine, too! [ light laughter ] >> remember that time you went in for a fist bump, but your friend went in for a high five? it wasn't as awkward as you think. in fact, it's kind of caught on. people are calling it the fist five. you are a trend setter. >> so no one told you life was going to be this great. your job is the best. you're blessed, your love life's a-okay. >> hey, dude, why don't you come over to my house tonight and we can make some homemade pizza, we'll roll up our sleeves, we'll knead the dough, we'll toss it way up high. we can even add whatever toppings we want!
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pepperoni, pineapple, extra cheese, "mamma mia!" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now doesn't that make you feel better? we've got a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, guys, i'm sure you all know the popular game, "the two truths and a lie." do you know that? it's where you list three things about yourself, but one of them is a lie. well i heard that they have their own version of the game at the white house. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: so i thought it would be fun to try out their version. it is time for "two truths and an alternative fact." here we go. ♪ two truths and an alternative fact ♪ >> jimmy: you understand this, higgins, there's two truths and an alt --
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one of them is an alternative -- what -- you don't understand? so far, you're lost already? [ light laughter ] >> steve: i'm lost right now. >> jimmy: two truths. >> steve: two truths, i understand that. >> jimmy: okay and then one alternative fact. here we go, i can tell by your face that you get it. >> steve: all right, i get it. i don't get it. >> jimmy: first one here we have h.r. mcmaster -- >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: h.r. mcmaster is trump's new national security advisor. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: he's a lieutenant general in the u.s. army. and finally, h.r. mcmaster's sounds like a cheap grill sold on qvc. [ laughter and applause ] "call in right now, we've only got two more h.r. mcmasters. what's that? we have 30 more. what a treat." >> steve: so it is a qvc show. >> jimmy: next up. [ laughter ] bao bao. >> steve: bao, what? bao, bao, bao, yeah. >> jimmy: bao bao is a panda. bao bao is leaving washington, d.c. to live in china. and finally bao bao is named after the "law and order" sound. [ law and order chimes ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: did not know that. >> jimmy: one of them is an alternative. >> steve: one of them is an alternative fact. >> jimmy: up next, we have
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ryan gosling. we love ryan gosling. >> steve: yeah, ryan. >> jimmy: ryan gosling is the star of "la la land." that one i know is true. he appeared on "the mickey mouse club," i think that's true. and finally, when he gets a a little bit older he'll be known as ryan goose. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: which -- really? that might be alternative? >> jimmy: next up is greek yogurt. greek yogurt is a popular food. greek yogurt is a dairy product and finally greek yogurt is just a regular yogurt that joined a frat. [ laughter and applause ] sigma chobrani. up next, we have swans -- >> steve: swans -- >> jimmy: swans are a type of a a bird. they mate for life. swans are just geese rocking the smokey eye. [ laughter and applause ] they should hang out with ryan goose. >> steve: they should hang out with the greek yogurt guy. >> jimmy: ryan goose, yeah. finally we have filters, filters are used to make coffee. filters are used by people on snapchat, and finally, filters are what donald trump was born without. there you go. >> steve: oh, there he is! >> jimmy: that's all the time we have for "two truths and an alternative fact." stay tuned, we'll be right back with neil patrick harris, ladies and gentlemen. come on back. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: our first guest is an emmy and tony award winning actor who stars in the new netflix series, "a series of unfortunate events," which is available right now. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome neil patrick harris! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: got to feel the love. >> that's very kind. >> jimmy: the crowd, they love you. come on. >> very sexy crowd. >> jimmy: they are a sexy crowd. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's all we have, are sexy crowds. you're a sexy man. i was -- >> you mean it? >> jimmy: the babies now are not babies. they're 6 years old. >> our kids are 6 years old. >> jimmy: when did that happen? >> it happened six years ago. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can tell i'm bad at math. >> yours are how old? >> jimmy: i have no idea. i just -- i didn't know you
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kept track of them. >> they're younger though right? >> jimmy: they're -- yeah they're 3 and 2. they're baby babies. >> 6 is super fun cause they're fully self-sufficient. they're talking. >> jimmy: boy and a girl? >> boy and a girl so i can marvel at the differences there. harper, our daughter, lost teeth, which is cool. >> jimmy: i think i have a a photo. look at this. >> she lost two teeth. [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: it's the cutest thing you've ever seen. >> that's it. that was the first tooth. >> jimmy: look at her little pajamas, oh my gosh, so cute. >> there it is. >> jimmy: now did the tooth fairy come? >> the tooth fairy came and gave her $10. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. i think i got a coin. >> because they love "hamilton." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: they love hamilton. >> they love hamilton so they knew what -- they knew what the picture looked like. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, but you're fun, and i thing we have this in common. we have a lot of things in common. one is do you have a secret room in your house? >> i do have a secret room. do you have a secret room in your house? >> jimmy: i have a secret room. >> no way. >> jimmy: do ours connect? do we live next to each other? that'd be great if we walked in like the "odd couple" or whatever, "laverne & shirley," and our doors pass like -- i'm using -- i'm using the secret room now.
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[ light laughter ] what do you do in your secret room? >> i just -- magic is my hobby, and i've been a magician for a a long time so i collect a lot of magical things, and magic books, and things you're not probably supposed to be reading. old magic sets and things like that. so i have sort of a magic man cave. it is behind a big poster that looks like a magic poster and there's another poster with one of the eyes, the magician's eyes, you touch it, and it unlocks the door, and it pushes in. it's pretty fun. what does yours -- what does yours do? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: spaceship that -- [ laughter ] ours is like a -- it's a a bookcase. >> cool. >> jimmy: and you think that you pulled the book out. but that's just the handle on it. you kind of just move it. you open like a normal door. but it is a playroom. it is -- we don't have a big -- so it's a tiny room. you got to crawl into it. [ light laughter ] >> but that's almost -- >> that's more fantastic cause it's not a -- >> jimmy: it's a fire hazard and -- would probably be shut down if people knew about it, but -- >> i just love all things magical.
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i love magic. >> you are doing this play. >> you have magicians on the show, which is so awesome. >> jimmy: dan white. >> dan white is great. >> jimmy: fantastic, penn & teller we've had on, we've had -- david blaine came out last time. i mean honestly, that changed my life. frog came out of his mouth. he like threw up frog out of nowhere. and i was standing rights next to him. questlove, am i right? i can't even -- no, no. seriously, we couldn't even discuss what went down. >> i hear it tastes like chicken. >> jimmy: no! it was not a cooked frog. it was a live frog hopped out of his mouth. >> no, i know it was. but i appreciate that you honor magic because it's an interesting art. any time i think one is able to go see magic, they should on any level, whether it is david copperfield in vegas or whether it's a local magician. >> jimmy: you have a show that's coming to new york. >> i am producing a show called "in and of itself." there's a magician named -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: just the fact that -- they love the idea that you're -- >> that i'm producing that. >> jimmy: they're very supportive. >> i love when magic is done
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really, really, really well. "the magician at the nomad" is a great show as well. but this is -- i directed a a version of this show, a show called "nothing to hide," which was my friend derek del gadio and another guy named helder, and we did it in -- >> jimmy: helderin? >> helder guimaraes. >> jimmy: oh i thought it was one name like cher. helderin. >> they did this unbelievable two-person act, and it sold out in l.a. and we brought it here to new york, and it was super great. it broker records and was super fun, and and derek is now doing a one-man show directed by frank oz. puppeteer, director, frank oz. >> jimmy: "the" frank oz? >> yeah, spectacular. >> jimmy: he's the greatest. >> and what i love about it is it's takes magic to a a contemporary art kind of place. it's turning it less into pick a card, im going to do a trick for you, and here's this illusion, everyone applauds, and he does it and he's so good. he makes it more of a a conversation about choices and choices that we make in our lives and are things predetermined or are they real. so it is almost more of a a theater piece where he also blows your mind hole at the at the same time. [ light laughter ]
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>> jimmy: your mind hole. >> it's really, really great >> jimmy: that's what ben brantly says. it blows your mind hole. >> i hope he does. >> jimmy: "new york times." >> that would be amazing. so yeah i want people to go and see it, both him and the other show. >> jimmy: i definitely will. when it is playing and where is it playing? >> here in new york. >> jimmy: it's playing april 5th through june 18th at the daryl roth theatre. >> >> jimmy: "in and of itself," and i will come, and i will yeah -- >> you should come and have derek on the show too. he's amazing. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i would love to come. i love derek. congrats, you're on netflix. gosh, couldn't be a hotter thing, the platform. "a series of unfortunate events." >> yeah, dude. >> jimmy: i got the books. so yeah we love them, i love the baby that bites people. that's my favorite. [ light laughter ] >> it is super crazy. netflix is doing really good work. >> jimmy: yes. >> they have good content. they get great people. barry sonnenfeld is the executive producer. >> jimmy: barry sonnenfeld is my jam dude, i love him. >> he is hilarious, and his visual aesthetic, he was, he did wes anderson looks before wes anderson did wes anderson looks. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i mean that's his -- >> jimmy: yeah, i didn't know that he was involved in this. >> yeah he's executive producer and the show runner. he directed half of the episodes and i'm in all kinds of prosthetics, craziness, and it's hard work that we're doing
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in vancouver, and we did the first season which is the first four books. >> you're in vancouver. >> totally. >> jimmy: couv! >> couv. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: shout out to vancouver, we love vancouver! >> but i'm proud of it. and the nice thing about netflix is you can binge watch them right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> so you can just start watching them right now. yeah. [ talking over each other ] >> go and watch it. >> jimmy: we're doing eggs. >> are we really? >> jimmy: one of us is going to get crushed with eggs. >> i think it is going to be you. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't think that, and it's positive thinking but maybe like a mentalist. >> i'm a magician, so -- >> jimmy: i know, oh my god. i want to show a clip first of neil patrick harris in "a series of unfortunate events" on netflix. take a look. >> where are the costumes? nobody brought the costumes?
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[ car door slams ] stay in the car. >> can we listen to the radio? >> no. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: come on! [ cheers and applause ] yeah, make it look easy. neil patrick harris, everybody, "a series of unfortunate events." [ cheers and applause ] it's streaming now on netflix. neil and i are playing egg russian roulette after the break. come on back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ success has always been measured in zeros. but shouldn't it be about firsts? and seconds? how about adding a third?
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to the "tonight show"! i am here with neil patrick harris, ladies and gentlemen! >> steve: woo-woo! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: his new netflix show, "a series of unfortunate events," is available now. neil and i are going to go head-to-head in a game of egg russian roulette. higgins, would you like to explain how this works? >> steve: yes! gah! james. neil. >> hello. >> steve: in my hand i have one dozen eggs. eight of them have been hard boiled. the other four are still raw.
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[ light laughter ] you and neil will take turns selecting one egg at a time and smashing it upon the top of your head. you won't know which eggs are raw and which are the hard boiled. and once you choose a egg, you must continue with that egg. no put backs. first one to smash two raw eggs on their own head loses. neil. please, as a guest of the show, you will choose the first egg. [ light laughter ] >> yeah -- you're wonderful in the "rocky horror picture show." >> steve: oh, thank you. [ laughter ] i take that as a compliment. >> i choose this. >> jimmy: wha -- are you sure? that one? >> this egg. >> steve: [ inaudible ] >> jimmy: what's that feel like? are you -- you can't cook it in your hand, either. i don't know -- you -- in your hand. [ laughter ] i don't know if you have hot
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hands! ooh. ooh. ooh. ooh. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> ahh. >> jimmy: so if this one's hard boiled -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: then this one's raw. >> or is it? >> jimmy: that one's hard boiled, this one's raw. bang. [ light laughter ] >> steve: boom. >> jimmy: no, no, no, no! [ laughter ] >> steve: ooh! ooh! [ barking noises ] [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> that is the perfect placement for a broken egg. i laugh -- >> steve: one to zero. >> i laugh too hard. i fear i laugh too hard. >> steve: is it karma -- >> that was -- >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: hard boiled. >> hard boiled. >> raw. >> steve: raw.
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>> i'm going to go with the one in between. in betwixt. >> jimmy: in betwixt neither hither nor. >> ahh. ahh. >> jimmy: wht does it feel? doesn't feel good, does it? >> it doesn't feel good! >> jimmy: ha-ha, yeah! [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] >> ahh! ♪ what! what! i like this game! [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] uh -- guys? >> yeah, that one. [ cheers ] how many rounds are there? >> jimmy: there will be one more round after this one. [ laughter ] this one doesn't feel -- but i don't know! >> this feels different. [ chants ]
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>> jimmy: oh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> nicely done. >> jimmy: almost hit myself too hard there. got a little light headed there. [ laughter ] really went for it on that one. >> ooh. >> jimmy: it felt like it was a a little liquidy in there. >> all right, im not even -- i'm going to -- i'm going to blind check. [ audience ohs ] i'm not even going to go for -- >> jimmy: no, i've seen this trick. he can see the camera -- >> all right, wait. what does it feel like? >> it feels exactly as cold as the other ones. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they're all refrigerated. >> ahh! >> jimmy: oh, no. >> ahh! >> jimmy: yessireebob! >> ahh! [ cheers and applause ] >> what in the world. >> jimmy: how many are left? i don't understand. what is this game again? how many raw ones? >> this is the best game in the world. >> steve: three raw left. three-sevenths of the egg. >> jimmy: that one's sticking out. >> yeah, it's just poking out at you. >> jimmy: i'm not looking -- i'm not touching that one.
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>> steve: humpty dumpty. >> jimmy: humpty dumpty. hey, man, good to see you and congrats -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: --on the netflix series and the magic show as well. >> thank you, sir. >> jimmy: and i can't wait to see it. going to be really great. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm in the zone, auto zone. >> i like that. >> jimmy: i'm in the zone, man. ♪ auto zone [ light laughter ] >> steve: 50/50. >> you lead with a compliment and then there's this -- [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: i delivered on that one. >> i'm going with a little humpty dumpty cowboy. >> steve: ahh! [ audience gasps ] >> you are a very handsome man. >> jimmy: regretting -- i appreciate it. >> i like your show. >> jimmy: thank you very much! >> yeah! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ah! >> steve: there are more raw than are cooked. oh, dang. do. do it!
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>> jimmy: man, i'm not feeling good about this. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: neil? thank you very much for coming on the show. [ laughter ] i appreciate it. neil patrick harris, everybody. >> yes, i do -- >> jimmy: ken jeong joins after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ question, and be honest... ...are my teeth yellow? ...have you tried the tissue test? the what? ... tissue test! hold this up to your teeth... ...ugh yellow... i don't get it. i use whitening toothpaste. what do you use? crest whitestrips you should try them! whitening toothpaste only works on the surface. but crest whitestrips safely work below the enamel surface
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest created and stars on the popular television comedy series "dr. ken," which you can see fridays at 8:30 p.m. on abc. please welcome the very funny, the always entertaining, ken jeong, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: ken jeong knows how to do it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ that's a good move. that's ken jeong. ♪
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[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ light laughter ] kenny. kenny. >> what's up, dog? >> jimmy: nice to see you, dog. [ laughter ] how are you? >> doing good. >> questlove: what's up, what's up, what's up. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how are you? how's it going? everything's great? thanks so much for coming on the show. you know we uh -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: we love having you. congrats on "dr. ken." >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: i want to talk about this very special episode coming up. >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: but first i want to know about your daughter. >> yes. >> jimmy: she was in the show. >> zooey. yes. >> jimmy: and she's great in the show. >> yes, yes. she was -- i have a 9-year-old daughter, zooey. alexa -- two daughters that are fraternal twins, alexa and zooey.
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alexa doesn't want to be an actor. zooey does. she loves being on the show. or so i thought. she plays my tv son's girlfriend. and last week she was on in her final episode. because i'd asked her, i said, "sweetie, you know, do you want to be on dr. ken, another episode?" she literally said, "do i have to?" [ light laughter ] as if, like, it was homework for her. [ light laughter ] like i wanted her to keep doing it. but she -- to her credit, she just wants to be a kid. she loves school. for real. she just loves school. she loves being a kid. >> jimmy: well that's good. >> and that she had fun doing the show but then she just loves just being normal. and so, as a father, i'm like so proud of her. as a producer, i will destroy her. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, no, no! >> no? >> jimmy: no, don't do that to your daughter. no, no. you love her. >> i love her. >> jimmy: yeah, sure, yeah. [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: you love her. absolutely. >> yeah. i love her. yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, you love her. yeah. but she's out of the show. >> yeah, yeah, no. she'll never work again. >> jimmy: no, no, what! [ laughter ] that's not what i'm saying. i'm saying just keep an open mind. >> okay. >> jimmy: maybe take the
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weekend. take the weekend. >> i'll keep an open mind. i'll take the weekend. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yes. >> jimmy: she was great on the show. >> okay. >> jimmy: and she can always come back. the door's always open. >> hmm. [ talking over each other ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pretend. >> okay. okay. >> jimmy: she might be watching. >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: tell me about this special episode. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is very interesting. this is next friday? >> yes. this friday coming up. >> jimmy: this coming friday. >> yeah, i actually co-wrote this episode. this my most personal episode ever on the show. my -- it's inspired by my real life wife, tran, and her fight against breast cancer. she's cancer-free for eight years. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. >> jimmy: good for her. wow. >> yeah. and it's really, you know, obviously my most favorite personal episode. my tv wife discovers a lump on self-exam. and it -- basically ken, my character guides her through it. it's really -- it's positive without being preachy. there's a lot of -- there's a a lot of sharp, edgy jokes underneath it. becaue while as tran and i were going through this, we would use a lot of dark humor to get through dark times. so it really -- it's one of my favorite things i've done.
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i hope you guys enjoy it. it really is -- it's for -- people who have seen it are, like, love the episode because it's become so universal and what became an intimate story now is really a universal world love story. so, i'm really appreciating being here. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, i love that you -- yeah. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it must've been tough. i'm glad they did that though. >> yeah. >> jimmy: a lot of people -- if you don't know this. you should know this. but dr. ken, you actually were a doctor, or are a doctor doctor. >> yeah, now it's technically i am still a doctor. and even when i would do comedy on the side. like patients would come up to me and when they found out i did comedy or they saw me on comedy central, they were like, "i'm so happy you have an outlet as a doctor," because i was very serious -- i never joked around at work. i mean, it is life and death, it's medicine so i never let on that i had any other interest. and that's totally true. ask any of my former patients. they would never know. and so when they say you could -- i could never envision you doing this. that's a compliment, as opposed to -- i mean, if you really -- if a patient came for me and
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said, "dude, i knew you'd be huge, man. [ light laughter ] ever since from the moment you checked my prostate, i said, "this guy's hilarious." [ laughter ] "some day's he going jump naked out of trunk. you'll see." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't think people would predict that. [ applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: i want to play a a quick game with you really quick. would you mind playing? >> no. >> jimmy: we love games on our show. >> sure. >> jimmy: this one's called "so jeong or so wrong." [ laughter ] so if there's something you like. >> so jeong or so wrong, okay. >> jimmy: you don't like it, you go that is so wrong. >> okay. okay. >> jimmy: karaoke. >> gah! [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> so jeong. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ laughter ] really? >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: mmm. do you have a go-to? >> um, yeah, cameo's "word up." >> jimmy: gotcha. enough said. >> puppets. so jeong or so wrong? >> so wrong. you know? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i like my stuff live. know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] i like real people.
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not felt. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: grape nuts. >> grape nuts. so jeong. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: me, too! >> right? oh, crunchy. >> jimmy: ah! >> gets me going. cleans my teeth. like a dog. [ laughter ] like a dog biscuit! >> jimmy: like a little dog biscuit! >> yeah, it's like a little -- >> jimmy: that was your original name. >> it was. it was. >> jimmy: little. >> it's a medical fact. it's called little dog biscuit. [ laughter ] oh, they're laughing. >> jimmy: that's really funny. tickling. >> tickling? i'm laughing already. [ laughter ] so jeong. >> jimmy: and finally, dancing off to commercial. >> so jeong! >> jimmy: ken jeong, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with comedian, josh johnson. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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the industry supports over 9 million jobs nationwide. these are jobs that natural gas is helping make happen, all while reducing america's emissions. energy lives here. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: my next guest is making his late nightstand-up debut. everyone, please welcome josh johnson, ladies and gentlemen.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i know. i thought i'd be bigger, too. [ laughter ] i'm 26. i'm done growing. this is it. [ laughter ] this is what i look like. these clothes will fit me for the rest of my life. i know i'm not the shortest person you ever seen or the skinniest, but i'm just little enough that if i was yelling at my girlfriend in public, it wouldn't bother anybody. [ laughter ]
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usually you see that you're like, "hey what's going on here?" problem here? you guys all right? but with me you'd be like -- "oh. he need a nap. that's what that is." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] is it just me or is the mark of a good party always something bad happening? no one is ever like, "oh, my gosh, that was a great party last night! we all drank just enough, got home safe and woke up in time for breakfast." [ laughter ] that's never the description, ever. it's always like great party. bill died. great party. [ laughter and applause ] that's a fantastic party. somebody need call bill's mama. he's dead. i don't talk to bill. i don't talk to bill like that, but great party. first time i ever went to a a fraternity party, and a girl
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twerked on me, i fell down because i wasn't ready. [ laughter ] great party though. i actually got to do this show with these other comics. thee liked me a lot so they brought me along with them to do the show. we were going to paid a ton of money, and each get a hotel room. it was going to be the best thing to ever happen to me. we get there, there was a a terrible miscommunication with the booker. we don't have four hotel rooms. we have one hotel room with one bed, and we all just got in it like it made sense. [ laughter ] now it is me and three of the biggest dudes in the world in one bed. and i knew them so i knew i didn't want to sleep with them because i knew we all had sleep disorders. i had insomnia. i was up all night. the man who slept right here
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had sleep apnea. this man died three times that night. [ laughter ] man in the middle is 6'8", 280-pound black man. this is how he snored all night, non-stop, whole night. [ snoring ] [ moan ] the entire night. [ laughter ] terrific. man at the end right here has night terrors. he's a screamer. i don't know what he's scared of because he's bigger than everything. [ laughter ] but he screamed so hard and so loud, he woke up people the next hotel room over, but not himself. [ laughter ] so all night all you hear was this dude right here making noise, this dude right here moaning, this dude right here screaming, and me laying horizontal at the bottom of the bed like a dog. [ laughter ] so all i hear all night, all i hear the entire night was -- ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ ♪ yeah [ cheers and applause ]
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it was terrible. i got the cops called to my apartment last year because my neighbor thought that i was killing my girlfriend. so i had to explain to the police, not only do i not have a girlfriend -- [ laughter ] but it's just me in here. [ laughter ] sounding crazy enough to be two people. and in my defense, i was losing a fight to a ceiling fan. okay? let me explain. because we been to the moon. we use little pieces of glass talk to other people on the other side of the world. we're about to have self-driving cars but there is still no clear indication when to stop pulling the drawstring on the ceiling fan, okay. now i'm chilly.
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i was warm before, now i'm chilly. i'd like the ceiling fan to stop because i'm chilly. okay? and it's just going -- [ fan spinning ] [ laughter and applause ] >> i couldn't! i couldn't! ah! ah! so the cops come, right? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so the cops come and they don't arrest me, but they feel real sorry for me. all right? guys, i'm josh johnson. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> jimmy: good job, buddy. that was awesome. josh johnson. for more on josh, please visit we'll be right back everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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sure he could see it. mr. ward. >> jimmy: where's mr. ward? there he is! >> yeah, dennis ward, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! mr. ward! he made it! he made it! thank you so much for being here tonight. and thank you, that's really cool of you to fly him out. you killed it. that was great. my thanks to neil patrick harris, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ken jeong. josh johnson, once again. [ cheers and applause ] mr. ward! and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania! [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- anderson cooper, musician and actress reba mcentire, the westminster dogs, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] seth meyers.entlemen, [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's fantastic. in that case, let's get to the news. vice president mike pence today cast the tie-breaking vote to confirm controversial education secretary nominee, betsy devos. and if you don't know what that means, you're probably betsy devos.


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