tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC April 13, 2017 12:37am-1:38am EDT
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jennifer lopez, star of the "detroiters," sam richardson and tim robinson, featuring the 8g band with vinnie colaiuta. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. democrats are calling for attorney general jeff sessions to resign after the justice department revealed that he met twice last year with the russian ambassador. while others don't think he should step down because it looks like he already did.
attorney general jeff sessions held a press conference today and recused himself from any department of justice investigations into the trump campaign ties to russia. says trump, may i also be recused? [ laughter ] i don't like it here and i want to go do other stuff. newly appointed interior secretary ryan zinke arrived for his first day of work today on horseback. hey, dude. maybe, not right now? read the room. [ applause ] the senate today confirmed former texas governor rick perry to lead the energy department. "that poor son of a bitch," said rick perry before he realized he was rick perry. [ laughter ] the senate today also confirmed ben carson as secretary of housing and urban development. the news came as a surprise to carson who thought he dreamed it. [ laughter ]
vice president mike pence announced today that he will give the commencement address this year at the university of notre dame. while steve bannon announced that he will be notre dame's honorary hunchback. [ laughter and applause ] according to politico during a recent white house communications staff meeting, press secretary sean spicer made a deputy communication director cry. to be fair, all he said was, "want to hang out later?" [ laughter ] taco bell has announced it's creating a hybrid of its quesalupas and dorito locos tacos called the dorito quesalupa crunch. of course, if you can say that, you're probably not drunk enough to eat it. [ laughter ] "i want that one." according to a new study, couples who choose mexico as their first vacation destination together were more likely to break up. upon hearing this, melania
sprinted to kayak.com. "two for cancun, we leave today!" [ laughter ] and finally, the makers of twinkies are close to rolling out a twinkie flavored cappuccino at convenience stores around the country. also, rolling out, people who drink twinkie cappuccinos. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. she's one of our favorites. she stars in nbc's "shades of blue." the wonderful jennifer lopez is back on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] the one and only. also, they're two of my favorite guys. incredible comedians. they have a fantastic new show on comedy central called "detroiters." sam richardson and tim robinson are here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] cannot wait to talk to all of them. but before we do, this was supposed to have been the week donald trump got a fresh start as president. but now he's facing major new questions about his campaign's alleged contacts with russia. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> seth: obviously donald trump got off to a rough start as president, but he finally had what many pundits considered a good day on tuesday with his first address to congress. the speech got glowing reviews from the media and trump was finally able to reset the narrative of his presidency. and you know what? i have been hard on him, but i think it's only fair that we take a minute to celebrate. in fact, i got some balloons right here. and i'm going to start blowing them up to celebrate the fact that trump finally has everything under control. >> we're back now with our breaking news. attorney general jeff sessions when he was still a senator and an advisor to the trump campaign had meetings with russia's ambassador to the u.s. but did not disclose them during his conformation hearings. >> leading democrats, including house minority leader nancy pelosi and senator elizabeth warren are calling for sessions to resign. [ balloon squeaking ] [ laughter ] [ laughter and applause ]
[ laughter ] >> seth: we had [ bleep ] fireworks too! [ laughter ] so obviously the timing of this latest bombshell was not good for the white house as they were trying to enjoy the success of trump's speech on tuesday. in fact, team trump was so happy that the staffs post-speech euphoria drove the decision to put off on unveiling the new executive order on migrant travel. "for once we have the wind at our sails." a top aide said. "we decided not to [ bleep ] on ourselves." [ laughter ] well, it turns out, when you eat kfc and taco bowls, that decision isn't always up to you. [ laughter and applause ] today trump went to virginia to speak aboard a new aircraft carrier named after former president gerald ford. and if he was hoping the appearance would shift the narrative away from the sessions story, i'm not sure he succeeded. in fact, as usual trump seemed just slightly out of his element aboard the ship.
>> the soon to be commissioned gerald r. ford uss, what a -- what a place. [ laughter ] it's almost -- it really feels like a place. you stand on that deck and you feel like you're standing on a very big piece of land. but this is better than land. [ laughter ] >> now, that may have sounded asinine, but those are actually the words to the navy fight song. ♪ what a -- what a place it almost -- it really feels like a place you stand on the deck ♪ ♪ and you feel like you're standing on a very big piece of land but this is ♪ ♪ better than land go navy ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: so turns out trump's attorney general, who is also a former adviser to his campaign, as well as, the first person in the senate to declare support for trump met with the russian ambassador while russia was also allegedly engaged in a campaign of cyber attacks to interfere in the election. now, this is problematic for a number of reasons. for one thing, sessions was asked about this very topic under oath during his senate
confirmation hearing and gave an answer that now looks like it was false. >> if there is any evidence that anyone affiliated with the trump campaign communicated with the russian government in the course of this campaign, what will you do? >> senator franken, i'm not aware of any of those activities. i have been called a surrogate at a time or two in that campaign and i did not have communication with the russians. >> seth: of course at the time it seemed believable enough. certainly a senator from alabama named jefferson beauregard sessions would remember meeting some russians. [ laughter ] "now, we don't get a lot of ruskies down to this neck of the woods. can you get you some lemonade? you must be awfully hot underneath that big old furry hat." [ laughter ] now today sessions announced that he will recuse himself from any investigation into contacts with trump campaign aides and russian officials. but when the news broke last night, sessions' office in the white house issued a series of contradictory statements that in classic trump fashion did
absolutely nothing to clear things up. first sessions spokeswoman confirmed that he met with the russian ambassador but claimed he did it not as a trump campaign adviser but as a senator. >> this is what a spokes person for the attorney general put out as a statement just a short time ago. and i'll read it here. "there was absolutely nothing misleading about his answer. he was asked during the hearing about communications between russia and the trump campaign. not about meetings he took as a senator and as a member of the armed services committee." >> seth: you see, honey, i slept with that other woman as accountant mike. not as your husband mike. [ laughter ] it's totally different. also it should be noted that franken asked sessions if he knew of anyone in the trump campaign speaking with russians. and sessions went out of his way to mention he worked for trump's campaign and he didn't talk to the russians. that's like your wife asking do you think our son has a drug problem? you say, "no, and i don't either!" it's suspicious. [ laughter ] so, that was the first statement sessions' office issued. then a white house official told cnbc the meeting involved only superficial comments about election-related news.
that was then followed by a third statement from sessions himself which said, "i never met with any russian officials to discuss issues of the campaign. i have no idea what this allegation is about. it is false." i met with him, but i don't know what you're talking about. we discussed the election but we didn't. it was normal for me to meet with him but everything you're saying is false. i guess we shouldn't be surprised since leprechauns always talk in riddles. [ laughter ] what's like a piece that moves like land but it's bigger than land? [ laughter ] now today sessions said, he did not recall discussing the election with the russian ambassador. but one of their meetings occurred on september 8th, the day after a nationally televised candidate forum on nbc where trump made headlines by saying this about putin. >> well, he does have an 82% approval rating according to the different pollsters -- >> do you wanna be complimented by that former kgb officer? >> well, i think when he calls me brilliant, i'll take the compliment, okay? if he says great things about me i'm going to say great things about him. i've already said he is really, very much of a leader. i mean, you can say, oh, isn't
that a terrible thing. >> seth: okay. i will. oh, isn't that a terrible thing. [ laughter ] now look, there could certainly be legitimate reasons for sessions to meet with the russian ambassador. it's the fact that he withheld that information from congress that's the problem. and it comes after a series of incidents in which trump officials, like former national security adviser michael flynn, have been cagey about their contacts with russians. just take trump's former campaign manager, paul manafort as an example. during the campaign, manafort was asked directly if trump had any financial relationship with russian businessmen. and he was so uncomfortable he couldn't even mumble his way through a convincing answer. >> so to be clear, mr. trump has no financial relationships with any russian oligarchs? >> if that's what he said -- i don't -- that's what i said -- that's obviously what the -- our position is. [ laughter ] >> seth: i think the words you're looking for are -- "hummana-hummana-hummana." [ laughter ] look at him. that's the face you make when your wife snatches away your newspaper and screams, "whose earrings are these?" umm -- uh, they're mine. i'm in a play and i'm a pirate. [ laughter ]
of course part of the problem here is that we know very little about trump's possible ties to russia. a debate he could settle immediately by releasing his tax returns. instead, trump has been just as cagey as the people around him, contradicting himself repeatedly when asked whether he knows or has any relationship with vladimir putin. >> what exactly is your relationship with vladimir putin? >> i have no relationship with vladimir putin. >> do you have a relationship with vladimir putin? a conversational relationship? >> i do have a relationship. >> i have nothing to do with putin. i've never spoken to him. >> i spoke indirectly and directly with president putin, who could not have been nicer. >> i have nothing to do with russia. i told you. i have no deals there. >> i was in moscow a couple of months ago. i own the miss universe pageant. >> i don't know putin. i have no idea -- >> i'm not asking that. i'm asking do you -- >> i never met putin. this is not my best friend. >> they treated me so great. [ laughter ] putin even sent me a present. beautiful present with a beautiful note. >> seth: and he put so much thought into the note. he even cut all the letters out from different magazines. [ laughter and applause ]
so touching. so touching. slid underneath my hotel room door. so, now with the questions swirling about the trumps campaign's contacts with russia and the involvement of the attorney general in that investigation. even some republicans are beginning to call for an independent investigation. >> find a very smart independent person, put them in charge of the whole project and say, you know, there are questions here. the country has questions, the media has questions. >> there may be nothing there but if there's something there that the fbi believes is criminal in nature, then for sure you need a special prosecutor. >> seth: that's how crazy things are right now. we're not even six weeks into the trump presidency and people in his own party are already talking about a special prosecutor. it's like you're on the third date with someone and you're already introducing them to your divorce lawyer. [ laughter ] and yet on the other hand, some of the republicans in congress who are supposed to be looking into this matter have already been siding with the white house before the facts are even in.
take house intelligence committee chairman devin nunez. trump administration recruited him to talk to reporters and debunk the russia allegations before his committee had even completed that investigation. and earlier this week when reporters asked him if that was appropriate, his answers were not super convincing. >> why would you agree to be -- to talk to reporters at the behest of the white house knowing that you're still looking into this matter? >> yeah, so that's -- that story was a little odd, i thought. because if you ask me to contact the white house and said, hey, could you set me up with somebody at d.o.d. or the intelligence agencies, i would say sure. if the white house asked me to talk to you, would you think that would be okay or not okay? >> what's your response to that? >> well, what's your response to it? [ laughter ] >> seth: what's your response to that? what's your response to that? you're the congressman. no, you're the congressman! [ laughter ] what? you're fake news! you're all fake news! look, we need a full and independent investigation to get to the bottom of this.
and it's clear that jeff sessions cannot provide that. congress needs to get the american people concrete answers, because so far all we've heard are answers like these. >> that's what i said -- that's obviously what the -- our position is. [ laughter ] >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with jennifer lopez, everybody. ♪ ugh, no bars. oh no, looks like somebody needs a new network. when i got this unlimited plan they told me they were all the same. they're not. verizon has the largest, most-reliable 4g lte network in america. it's basically made for places like this. honey, what if it was just us out here? right. so, i ordered you a car. thank you. you don't want to be out here at night 'cause of the, uh, coyotes. ok, thanks, bud. bye. be nice to have your car for some shelter. bye. when it really, really matters, you need the best network and the best unlimited. just $45 per line for four lines.
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♪ >> seth: welcome back, everybody. please give it up for the 8g band, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, all this week, we've had a legendary drummer sitting in with us who's played with world renowned artists like herbie hancock and sting. and has a new streaming site for one-of-a-kind music performances launching in april called live muse tv. vinnie colaiuta, everybody! thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you seth! >> seth: been a fantastic week. great having you. our first guest tonight is an actor, singer, and all around superstar. the second season of her hit nbc show "shades of blue" premieres this sunday at 10 p.m. on nbc. let's take a look. >> say good-bye to christina. i sent her to my sister's. i was turning myself in. you know that, right? what did stoltz say when you brought up the prostitute? >> that was a great tip, harlee.
he rolled right over. >> then why'd they let you go? >> who said they let me go? >> seth: please welcome back to the show jennifer lopez, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i'm so happy to have you back. >> hi! >> seth: you look wonderful. >> thank you. >> seth: and i'm glad to see how wonderful you're looking, because i saw on instagram that i guess while you were shooting an episode of your show, you got a black eye. [ laughter ] you did, right? i'm not making this up. >> yes, i did get a black eye. but that was actually -- this is -- it's an unusual story, but i --sometimes when i record records, i lie down on the floor and they put the mike above me. >> seth: okay.
>> okay. and i never really realized how heavy those mikes were because they're always like, sitting in front of me. and so i was never afraid of them. now i'm afraid of them because, it fell. the engineer was like switching the microphone. and it fell and it was like literally a 50 pound weight fell on my face. >> seth: oh my goodness. and i was like -- and i started bleeding. i was like am i bleeding? what's happening. >> seth: i so assumed this happened while you shot your cop show. >> yeah, no. [ laughter ] >> seth: where you're running around. >> what was funny -- i know and it's funny because i had done a scene with the character stahl, who's played by warren kole, and we had a very physical scene. and he wrote me when i posted that and was like, did i do that to you? i was like no, baby. >> seth: no. >> no baby, it was me. >> seth: it's because, again -- >> i did it to myself. >> seth: so and, just in the laziest way possible. just lying down. mike over your head. okay, let's do another take. i'm just going to go to bed. >> yeah. [ laughter ] i just find that when i lay down, i relax more when i sing.
>> seth: that makes sense. i don't know. it's like a different tone. i just like it. >> seth: i am a terrible singer, but i'm going to try that. maybe -- mayber i have -- maybe i've been in the wrong -- >> maybe it'll help. >> seth: i've been in the wrong position. >> yeah. >> seth: so season two of the show. it's a great show. fantastic cast. >> thank you, yes. >> seth: ray liotta in the clip. so what -- season two, what are we looking forward to? >> i mean, you know, i don't know if anybody saw the first season, but we ended on a very intense note. i have a dead body, i have just snapped someone's neck and they're lying on my kitchen floor. >> seth: okay, that's pretty good. >> you know, another day at the office. and ray's character has found out that i was the informant. which was kind of the whole arc of the first season. >> seth: yeah. >> and he's about to be picked up by the fbi because he took the rap. so where we pick up, we pick up right where we left off. and it just goes crazy from there. >> seth: fantastic. i mean, it was crazy the first season. and then like every time we got a script this season, i was like, okay. >> seth: well that's a thing. when you have a crazy show, you can't -- >> do you want me to take a chisel and do what? okay, okay. [ laughter ]
i'm not mentally prepared for this part. okay. >> seth: but that's great. >> no, thanks. >> seth: congratulations on the show. >> yeah, thank you. >> seth: congratulations on this as well because i think it speaks to the breadth of your talents that you're doing a show like this and you're also doing a residency in las vegas right now. >> i am. >> seth: you're back on stage doing your show in vegas. how's that been? >> it's been amazing. you know, i was actually really scared when i took it on. because it's such a long -- it's a long commitment. >> seth: yeah. >> the first year was 40 shows plus doing this show. and i was like, how am i going to do this. but it's been amazing. we put together a really beautiful show. people are loving it. you guys should all come and see the show in vegas. it's a lot of fun. >> seth: and i heard your "shades of blue" cast came and saw it. >> they did. they came to the opening last january, so i've been doing it a year. i'm in my second year already. >> seth: that's great. >> and it's just -- it's a very high-energy show. i do all my songs and it's awesome. >> seth: it must be exhausting. >> it's exhausting. >> seth: yeah. >> but i did that to myself. again, like this i did it to myself because i created the
show. >> seth: right, exactly, yeah. >> i, you know, everything was my idea. and i just -- i wanted every section to be so, like, ta-da! you know, like at the end of it everybody's like yeah. and i'm dying. i'm dying through the whole show -- [ laughter ] because everything is like that. every single section. and then i like have a, you know, 40 seconds to change for the next section or a minute and a half. you know, i, like, do a video or whatever. and i have to get right back. so for two hours, it's like a marathon. >> seth: and you have to have respect for the fact that every night the people are seeing you it's probably one of the biggest things they're doing all year. >> yeah. they might see it just one time and, you know, they don't want -- no. the show is called, "all i have," and literally it's all i have every night. >> seth: i now want to take it back. you were not lazy when you were lying down before. you just needed a break. >> i was taking a break. >> seth: you just needed a break. >> exactly. >> seth: true story that i heard two of your dancers got engaged on stage. or one of them proposed to the other. >> this is true. this is true. it's funny, one of my dancers tara who has been with me for so many years, maybe ten years she's been dancing with me.
she even started as an assistant to a choreographer. and then became a dancer. so i've known her for so many years. and her boyfriend who went on tour with me, one of the dancers who went on tour with me back in 2012 when we did that, we were all on tour together for a year. they were boyfriend and girlfriend. and he came to me at the beginning of this run in february and he goes, i want to propose to tara. and i kind of got like, mom. like i'm like, so you're not going to mess this up, right? like, if you guys get married -- i don't want you to get married on my stage and then, like, you wind up being an idiot or something. >> seth: you also have to say, how sure are you she's going to say yes? >> right. >> seth: because that's a hard thing to recover from in your show. [ laughter ] >> well, it's funny because we did it at the end. and for a second, you know she was -- the minute he came out, she started crying. but you know, she didn't answer. and i was like, yes or no? yes or no? [ laughter ] like, i'm looking at her going yes or no.
she was like yes. i think she said yes. i was not going to let it -- i was not going to let it like go bad. >> seth: and then that's when you hope you're not steve harvey'ing it. like she said no and you tell everybody, like, "she said yes!" >> actually, she said no. yeah. but it was actually a really beautiful moment. >> seth: that's great. >> he said all the right things. >> seth: oh that's fantastic. >> i was like good job. >> seth: and talk about another thing being in vegas. that's what you want to see. i feel like people get proposed and get engaged. >> get weddings. >> seth: yeah exactly. your mom -- i know this is true, your mom once in atlantic city won $2.4 million. >> she did on the slot. >> seth: on the slot machine. >> on the slot machine. >> seth: that is a true story. >> yes. >> seth: that's crazy. how long ago was that? >> this was years ago. this was like oh, god -- >> seth: but like you're a kid or you're already -- you already have a career? >> no. i was an adult. it was 2004. yeah. 2004. >> seth: oh wow. her friends must have been so mad. >> i mean -- >> seth: like already she has jennifer lopez as a daughter and
then guess what this crazy thing happened. >> yeah exactly. >> it's funny. my mom's the type of gambler who rolls solo. >> seth: okay, oh gotcha. >> you know what i mean? she's one of those crazy ladies that walk really fast in the casino. >> seth: gotcha. >> goes to a machine and gets three machines going and does this all the time. i'm like, mom, what are you doing. she says that's how you have to play. that's how you have to play. that's the only way you win. i mean she has a whole, like, method -- >> seth: and now, you probably after the $2.4 million you probably can't criticize the method. >> no i'm like, okay. i guess that's how you do it. yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: so i'm assuming she comes to vegas see your show. >> oh my god. >> seth: does she still gamble? >> can't keep her away. yeah, no, she loves it. she's a gambler. that's what she loves to do. she's like that's what i like to do, i don't like to do anything else. i just like to play my slots. i was like, okay. knock yourself out. >> seth: it worked out. you have twins. boy and a girl. >> i do. >> seth: just turned 9? >> just turned 9. >> seth: congratulations. i feel like they were born yesterday. >> seth: that's what everybody says.
i'm coming up on 1 year old and it moves so fast. >> it's so fast. >> seth: and what do they do for their birthday? >> what's their -- >> we just had a party at the house. a little party at the house with the whole family. their dad was there. their, you know, their grandma. everybody. just the whole family was there. >> seth: great. >> we just had a nice little regular puerto rican house party. >> seth: that's great. [ laughter ] i bet nothing about that would be regular to me. >> yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, you're right. you're right. start cooking and everybody was like we're hungry. i was like, the hot dogs weren't enough? okay. >> seth: and then, i know your daughter is into fashion. is that accurate. >> she is. actually she made me a dress for christmas. >> seth: really? >> she's really into sewing. and it's funny because my grandmother, my mom's mom was a seamstress her whole life and she passed away just as i was pregnant. and i feel like her spirit or her soul is with emmy. and she since about two years ago when she was 6 became obsessed with sewing.
and she sews on a sewing machine. i can't sew on a sewing machine. you know, and she sews on a sewing machine and she comes home with pillows and stuffed animals and dresses and her halloween costume. >> seth: it's so cool because that's one of the few things that from when we were growing up to now, there's not an app for it. >> no. i love that. >> seth: you have to know how to use the machine to do it. >> yeah. she loves fashion. but she made me a dress for christmas. she's like, "mom, what's your favorite color?" i'm like, emerald green. she was like, okay. and she goes out and she like shows me the material. i'm like, what are you doing? christmas i opened the thing and she made me this dress that was short in the front and long in the back. and it fit me perfect. she got my measurements. she was 8. you know? i'm proud of her. >> seth: she set way too high a bar. [ laughter ] what's she going to give you when she's 17? she's already blown it. >> couture. >> seth: couture, exactly. [ laughter ] thanks so much for being back. always so great to see you. >> thank you. >> seth: jennifer lopez everybody, "shades of blue" premieres this sunday on nbc.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back. give it up one more time for jennifer lopez, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] such a fan of hers. so great to have her on. but while i was going through the show this morning with my writers, we realized there actually might be a problem. take a look. all right, everybody. let's go through the rundown. act one tonight, monologue. act two, we're going to do a closer look and then after commercial we come back in act three and we have jennifer lopez on the show tonight, which is pretty exciting. mike, is there a problem? >> it's just, we used to date. so -- >> seth: who dated? >> me and jennifer lopez. >> seth: no. no, you didn't. >> yeah, yeah, we did.
we're in the same level of attractive so it just kind of made sense. [ laughter ] >> seth: that is objectively untrue. >> no, seriously. take another look at her. she's super pretty. >> seth: not what i was disagreeing with. [ laughter ] >> i'm going to go on record here and say i don't even a little bit believe that you dated jennifer lopez. but in the interest of not having to go back to this meeting, sorry, when were you two a couple? >> i think like 2002. >> seth: 2002? so when you were in high school? >> yeah. that sounds about right. >> seth: no. it sounds really wrong that jennifer lopez would date a high schooler. also, i'm pretty sure jennifer lopez was famously engaged in 2002. >> if so, that's on her. it's not on me. [ laughter ] >> i'm on her wikipedia page and it says that jennifer lopez was engaged to ben affleck. >> well, there you go. people always say i'm like a handsome ben affleck. [ laughter ] >> seth: who says that? >> i think i heard amber and jenny say it once. [ laughter ] >> bitch, i try not to even look at you. [ laughter and applause ]
>> i said you looked like a melted ed norton. [ laughter ] >> oh. >> i see it. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: like at the end of "25th hour," face all busted up. mike, no one in this room believes that you dated. >> i know my man jermaine does! >> we don't have a friendship. [ laughter ] >> all right. well, i'm a gentleman so i'm not going to tell you guys what base we got to, but -- first. >> seth: mike, i need you to admit to all of us that you're lying. and then we can get on with it. >> wait -- shut up for a second. who is that? >> you know, i guess -- i don't know where i'd go. somewhere hot, somewhere warm. >> seth: what the hell are you talking about? >> oh, come on. i know you're a family man, but that woman on the "today" show is insanely hot. >> seth: mike, that's jennifer lopez. >> that's jennifer lopez? >> seth: i thought you said you two dated. >> i didn't date that jennifer lopez. that woman is so smoking hot i just crapped me and jermaine's pants. >> oh, my god.
he did. >> seth: i'm sorry. which jennifer lopez were you dating? >> clearly not that one. i look like a melted ed norton. [ laughter ] >> then, which jennifer lopez? >> cooks meth. just got fired from dave and busters. which kind of makes sense 'cause she does not play games. >> where did jermaine go? >> remember you just crapped his pants? >> oh. >> seth: mike, how do you -- nope, i'm sorry actually i want to start with this, why would you ever think your jennifer lopez would be a guest on our show? >> i don't know. meth cooking segment? honestly, i think you made the right choice on booking that one. >> seth: this was never a choice. can we move on now? >> yes, please. i'm sorry. i believe we were on act three. >> seth: yes. famous jennifer lopez in act three. celebrity foreskin in act four. in act five -- >> how come you and jermaine both crapped your pants but only he left? >> shh. seth's talking. >> seth: we'll be right back with sam richardson and tim robinson, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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let's take a look. >> i don't have anything for my dad's speech. >> but you crush it every year. >> oh, i know. you don't have to tell me. >> you're fiddling with your balls. what's wrong? >> he's nervous about his speech. >> oh, hey, molly. >> oink oink i thought i smelled bacon. thought this was a birthday party, not a pig roast. >> so good to see you too. >> yeah, you too. where's your box of doughnuts? >> careful or i'll bust you for that crack in your pocket? >> what crack in my -- how in the hell did you do that? [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome to the show sam richardson and tim robinson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome, guys. >> thank you. >> seth: so happy to have you here. tim this is a return though, to the set. >> it is a return, yes. >> seth: because you were actually -- it was a different set you were on the show so early.
you were on the fifth episode of "late night" where you played my emergency sidekick, dale. >> yep. >> seth: and there you are. and like everybody -- go ahead. >> that was back when you had the show completely figured out. [ laughter ] >> seth: right out of the gate. >> i don't know what you're doing now. >> seth: you don't like it as much? >> don't like it as much. [ laughter ] >> seth: it's like everybody who ever left "snl," you look so much better now. everybody leaves "snl" and life gets back together. >> absolutely. eating healthier. eating healthier, for sure. >> that is a swollen boy. that's a swollen, swollen man. [ laughter ] >> a lot of salt. >> seth: you got to salt your way through "snl." so "detroiters," congratulations, guys. the show's so funny. you're both from detroit. >> i'm from the suburbs. >> seth: and yet -- [ laughter ] >> i have to say that. >> seth: you have to say it? because you can't show your face in detroit if you said you were from detroit? >> yes. i want to be completely honest. >> seth: got ya. that's -- authenticity is very important in detroit. >> very important. they fact check. [ laughter ]
>> seth: and the show is very authentic to detroit. what inspired it and tell us about the guys you play on the show. >> we play like ad men who make local commercials. and it's basically inspired by the commercials that sam and i watched growing up. we're like, who makes these crazy commercials? like, we should play the guys that make those. >> seth: what are some of the crazy commercials that inspired you from your youth in detroit? >> there are commercials like -- >> the suburbs. [ laughter ] >> seth: this is detroit. the greater detroit area. thank you. >> say metro detroit. >> it is true. all encompassing. they were commercials like d.o.c. sexy specs. with richard golden. >> seth: yeah. >> they'd like kind of dance around. >> seth: but their wearing sunglasses? >> they have sunglasses but also -- mostly regular glasses. and he would just go like he called them sexy specs. and so in every commercial he'd be like, "so i guess i'll do like a little sexy dance." and so in every commercial, he'll be like, "check out my sexy specs." maybe like one shot of the glasses and then rest is him
like -- >> just him like -- [ laughter ] >> seth: and it obviously moved a lot of glasses. >> it did. >> it worked. it worked. >> seth: you guys met at second city, detroit. and you were originally sam's teacher, tim? >> that's right, yeah. >> seth: did you immediately see talent in sam that made you think this guy was going to make it? >> definitely. definitely. i very much favored him. >> it was unfair, in fact. >> it was very unfair. >> seth: do you think it's likely there are some other people who are in that class watching right now saying, "i knew it." i knew it. i knew he had a hard on for that other guy. [ laughter ] >> had to do all the exercises twice and stuff. >> seth: sam, why don't you show them how to do it. >> i sure will, tim. [ laughter ] >> seth: and obviously -- go ahead. >> like, we became fast friends pretty quick. i was like 18. >> i was 21 and sam was like 18.
i would, like, sneak him into the bar too. i would just walk in and be like we're both old guys. >> we're both adults, here we go -- then we'd go and like -- they'd be like, you know, you get in the bar and then you just get comfortable you start to make friends with the bouncers and stuff. >> then sam started going without me. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah, yeah. you'd just like be sitting by your phone in the suburbs. [ laughter ] your beautiful princess like suburbs. i guess sam's found new friends. you, in detroit worked at an outback steak house? >> i did. my dad opened an outback steakhouse just outside of detroit in southfield. southfield outback. i worked there for you know, in high school and just like right out of high school. and my favorite thing was -- you know, people would eat the steaks, you know, they'd finish the meal and then the last bite,
they'd be like, you know what? let me talk to the manager, this was not good. i'm like, huh-uh. you ate the whole thing. >> that means everybody would be like -- "nah, still not good." [ laughter ] >> "just one more bite, uh-uh." and so like, they would come to me like -- i would come to work sometimes and there'd be like, squad cars like all over in front of outback. i'd be like, oh no, what's going on? my dad -- they would do that, my dad would call the cops on them. >> seth: really? >> yeah. defrauding an innkeeper. >> seth: is that the law? >> that is the law. >> seth: defrauding an innkeeper. what i perceive of detroit, i don't think of many innkeepers. >> oh, yeah. >> they'd have like this lantern he'd come out with -- [ laughter ] >> seth: did they know when a defrauding -- whatever that is, a 4-9-1? [ laughter ] >> i think my dad -- we got a 4-9-1 at outback steak house!
>> that's such an early crime, it's like a two. [ laughter ] we got a two! >> a two? get on horses. >> well, a one is a stolen horse. [ laughter ] >> what's two let me check my scroll. >> seth: an innkeeper is being defrauded! >> oh, no! not on my watch! [ laughter ] >> seth: you obviously guys -- so obviously, you've been friends, you know, teenagers, 21. were there things from your friendship outside obviously, you were inspired by the detroit commercials you saw, are there things from your relationship woven into the show? >> no. [ laughter ] >> they're all from scratch. >> yeah, for sure. yeah, i think on the show we play, you know, two guys who are very loving towards each other. i feel like that is true of sam and i. we're not afraid to tell each other we love each other and stuff. we put that in the show too. >> yeah, we sure did. we hang out all the time.
like in an episode where tim is a real bad wingman. and that's from real life. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> 'cause were at second city, we worked at second city together, we'd perform every night together. and i was single. tim's been married -- >> since a kid. >> since a child he's been married. >> seth: that's right. >> as a kid, yeah. arranged. >> seth: that's a three. >> that's a three, that's a three. [ laughter ] >> but, you know, we'd go hang out. so after, you know, i was a single guy. like after we'd finish a show, i'd go across the street and sometimes women would come up to the table. saw your show. and i'd be like, oh, awesome. like what better advantage do you have than performing like three hours of comedy? >> seth: of course >> and tim would be like, "thank you very much but i'm talking to my friend here!" [ laughter ] >> i only saw it as an interruption. >> seth: looking back, are you willing to accept that you were
the worst? >> no. you don't interrupt people. [ laughter ] >> tim. >> seth: you're standing your ground? >> you don't interrupt people! >> nothing's changed. >> i was in the middle of a story! >> it's the same story you'd told before. >> seth: it's getting better. i'm refining it! i want to talk about tim you were one of my favorite writers in the time we overlapped at "snl." we do this here at "late night," we've only done it i think three times. second chance theater. i would love -- you had a sketch about a lawyer and his roommate and the roommate was a -- >> was a crack head, yeah. >> seth: was a crack head, yeah. you wrote it for zach galifinakis. pitch it real quick. or just tell us exactly -- >> i'll tell you what -- yeah. so i wrote it with michael brian and it was -- does anybody know what a white castle crave case is? yeah. it's like a briefcase full of little teeny burgers. [ laughter ] but it's shaped like a briefcase. has like a little handle, comes down.
it's just -- the only difference is it has white castle all over it and stuff. and stinks a little. so it was a lawyer and a crack head who were roommates and best friends. and it opened on the lawyer in court pleading his case and he's like, well, i have all the information to get my client off. all the evidence! right here in my briefcase. and he pulls up the crave case. he's like, oh, no. oh, crap. i accidentally grabbed by crack head roommate's white castle crave case instead of my briefcase. and then it would cut to galifinakis who was around crackheads and he says well, gentlement, that was some great crack we just did. i brought something for all of us. we can all enjoy these white castle -- oh, no. i grabbed my lawyer's briefcase. >> seth: i think the world would love to see that on its feet. because it was robbed -- it was robbed from the world.
>> it was robbed. i was robbed. yeah. >> seth: so next time you're back, we're going to mount it? >> i would love that. >> seth: all right, great. guys, thank you so much for being here. congrats on the show. sam richardson and tim robinson, everybody. "detroiters" aires tuesday nights on comedy central. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ are allergies holding you back? break through your allergies. try new flonase sensimist instead of allergy pills. it's more complete allergy relief in a gentle mist you may not even notice. using unique mistpro technology, new flonase sensimist delivers a gentle mist to help block six key inflammatory substances that cause your symptoms. most allergy pills only block one. and six is greater than one. break through your allergies. new flonase sensimist this piece is so you. i saw it and i was just like "oh, i have to have it..." state farm knows that every one those moments, there's one of these... this piece is so you. i saw it and i was just like "i have to have it..."
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♪ >> for more late night, go to latenightseth.com. follow us on instagram and twitter @latenightset and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook. head over to itunes and subscribe to the late night with seth myers podcast. you'll get, "a closer look," and more downloaded right to you phone every day. ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to jennifer lopez, sam richardson and tim robinson, everybody. vinnie colaiuta. thanks for a great week. and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we will see you tomorrow. ♪ ♪ >> carson: welcome to "last call." i'm carson daly, and this is the beautiful penthouse suite here at the time new york hotel, a fine backdrop for our show tonight, which is all about