tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC November 4, 2016 1:08am-2:08am EDT
? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm hanging out with benedict cumberbatch. his new movie, "doctor strange," is in theaters tomorrow. now, i wanted to try something fun with you. i thought we could act out a a dramatic scene together. >> okay. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: but first we need to fill in the blanks. it is time for "mad lib theater." here we go. ? mad lib theater ? >> jimmy: this is how it works. i'm going to ask you for some silly words. nouns, verbs, adjectives, etc. we'll do that, and they're going to be written onto cue cards as you're saying them. but i'll also write them on this card. then we're going act out a
>> jimmy: give me a male name. >> blah -- rory. [ laughter ] not blah-rory, just rory. >> jimmy: just not blah-rory. >> blah-rory. >> jimmy: name of your favorite teacher. >> mrs. tate. >> jimmy: exclamation. >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: no! [ laughter and applause ] you can't answer that. no. >> sorry man. >> jimmy: still can't say that. on american television, no. >> sorry. sorry. >> jimmy: you can't say that. >> sorry. >> okay. flibbitty gibbitt. [ light laughter ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, flipptty? >> flippity. >> jimmy: gibbitt. >> g-i, double "b." [ laughter ] i double 't.' >> jimmy: all right that's -- flippity gibbitt. a number. >> 4,229. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: plural, plural objects. >> plural objects? eggs. eggs? >> jimmy: eggs, yeah. eggs. >> eggs. >> jimmy: yeah. store name. >> macy's. >> jimmy: body part. >> buttock.
>> buttock, no. [ light laughter ] um, geronimo. no, that's a -- well that's a -- >> jimmy: no, flippity gibbitt we could use for that. >> could we just do that now? >> jimmy: we'll do flippity gibbitt down by the silly word. >> this is how it's going upstairs already. i've a right -- >> jimmy: flippity gibbitt. and then exclamation, give me that again. exclamation. you say to someone, you go, hey -- >> crumbs. >> jimmy: there we go. [ light laughter ] >> sorry, hugh grant. >> jimmy: crumbs, that's very hugh grant. yeah, that's great. name of a holiday. >> jimmy: movie title. >> movie title? "superman." >> jimmy: "superman." verb ending in "ing." >> oh, i can't say that one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you can't say that one, yes. >> gyrating. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: amount of distance. like, ten miles or five feet. >> ten miles or five feet? >> jimmy: just an amount. >> oh any amount.
>> jimmy: country. >> ukraine. >> jimmy: animal. >> badger. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: famous movie quote. >> "this town needs an enema." [light laughter] jack nicholson in "batman." >> jimmy: "batman." >> jimmy: another body part. >> another body part? th [ laughter ] >> jimmy: little toe. oh my gosh. that was the name of my band in college. >> you haven't been working long. >> jimmy: no this is good. children's song. >> "baah baah black sheep." >> jimmy: oh, yeah. "baah baah black sheep." any reason why? >> when i was a small child, i sang things like "baah baah black sheep." >> jimmy: adjective. >> mind bending.
well, we've filled out our words. that's our whole game right there. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] no, no. now it is time to perform the scene. let's go. >> let's do it. [ cheers and applause ] [ dramatic music ] ? [ knocking ] >> hello. i'm detective rory. [ laughter ] and you are? >> jimmy: mrs. tate. >> you're here today under suspicion of second degree robbery. >> jimmy: crumbs! >> that's right. 4,229 eggs were stolen from macy's. and the crime scene has your butt written all over it.
>> jimmy: that is flippity gibbitt! [ laughter and applause ] >> where were you on the night of hanukkah? [ laughter ] ? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we were watching "superman." >> then why does security camera footage show you gyrating just half a millimeter [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] all right, i'm through with playing games. where are you from? >> jimmy: ukraine. [ laughter ] >> yeah. just as i suspected. you know, one of the best parts
you, and go home to my children and my pet badger and say, "this town needs an enema." [ laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: fine. i did it. i committed the robbery. but i only did it because i needed the money to buy myself little toe implant. [ laughter and applause ] i knew it all along. and every time i solve a crime, i like to sing my favorite song -- ? baah baah black sheep have you any wool ? ? yes sir yes sir three bags full ? >> jimmy: you have a mind bending voice! i love you! end scene! [ cheers and applause ] ? you're good buddy. you got it good. that's all for "mad lib theater."
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i'll have that goat cheese garden salad. that gentleman got the last one. sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. can i keep the walnuts? sold. but i get to pick your movie. can i pick the genre? yes, but it has to be a comedy. a little cash back on the side. with the blue cash everyday card from american express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. throw.
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doesn't get paid. too often marco rubio didn't show up and failed us when he did. i am patrick murphy. to get things done, you've got to show up. you've got to work together. whether it's protecting social security and women's health care or growing the economy, we've got to start solving problems instead of pointing fingers.
? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is the host of "the rachel maddow show" weeknights at 9:00 p.m. on msnbc. plus she's co-anchoring their primetime election night coverage next tuesday, november 8th. please welcome back our friend, rachel mw. ? ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i don't know how. rachel maddow welcome back. thank you so much. i love when you're here. how are you keeping the energy
right? >> yeah. it's, you know? >> jimmy: please tell us it's almost over. >> it is almost over. you know, we took a bet at the news meeting, at my staff meeting today, who thinks trump's going to win? some people raised their hands. who thinks clinton's going to win? and then there was like a whole big group of the staff who was like, neither of them's going to win. we've been covering it for so long, so intensely, there's a a belief that maybe it will never end. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: seriously. it's been long. >> it has been long, and it's been stressful, and it's been crazy-making. heard of this. the e-mail things and the assaulting now, i mean, all this stuff coming out. i go, it's just never ending. >> no. what is the worst e-mail to think of? what is the worst thing that could happen if they find on anthony weiner's -- well not the worst thing they could find on anthony weiner's laptop. i think i know what that is. >> no, you don't. i argue that. >> jimmy: but like what could come out that hillary was -- has been, the classified information. >> i mean, the thing about the
director wrote a letter to fbi employees after he sent this notification to congress, saying, you know, i wanted to explain my thinking behind this. i want you to know that it's -- we don't know if we have anything of significance. it's entirely possible that we've found nothing significant at all. well, okay, why did you just write a letter to congress then? this is like -- let's say you're applying to be a a firefighter. >> jimmy: okay. >> and you have to go get a a physical so you can be a a firefighter. department and is, like, jimmy came in for his physical, we did a blood draw and you know, it's entirely possible that he is going to be dead tomorrow. >> jimmy: yeah. >> his head could fall off. he could have a very rare form of cancer. he could be totally infectious. now we haven't actually looked at the results of his blood draw yet, but we want you to know that we drew his blood and blood draws can show crazy stuff. >> jimmy: yeah, it could be anything. >> so the fire department is like, wow, should we hire jimmy? like this sounds crazy.
went to congress saying, i don't know if we have anything at all. just want to let you know. [ light laughter ] and there's rules about the fbi not doing stuff like that. the federal law enforcement -- >> jimmy: tamper with the election. >> they're not supposed to do stuff that makes it look like they're trying to influence the election. and in this case, it really looks like that's what the fbi's trying to do. >> jimmy: and are poll numbers being affected by this? >> yeah. totally, yep. i mean the thing to watch at this point, the first thing to remember is that more than 30 million people have already voted. so, if stuff happening in the last few days is going t election, for those 30 million people, they can stop paying attention. it's fine. they've already cast their vote. >> jimmy: no, because donald trump said that we can actually change our votes. he tweeted out, you can change your vote in six states and if you realize it was a mistakes, he did this once with "dancing with the stars" when -- [ laughter ] jay gosselin, he was trying to pick jay gosselin, did the same thing. >> change your vote america. >> jimmy: it is legal. >> this is so weird. this is -- i mean, what are you saying? hey, if you've early voted,
election officials, fill out some paperwork, see if you can persuade them to go find the vote you sent in a few weeks ago and if they could find it, they should void it. and then you want to go back on election day again. and then vote again because i'm assuming that when you want to vote again, you might vote differently than you did the first time. >> jimmy: trying everything though, right. >> it's such a round about way to try to win the election. it's a really -- it's a weird thing. there are things about the way our government and elections work that i think donald trump doesn't get. >> jimmy: well, i mean, the thing about, i'll keep it in en >> jimmy: that was interesting. >> we've never had -- the reason -- so, he said, i'll keep you in suspense meaning, if it looks like hillary clinton wins the election, i'll keep you in suspense as to whether or not i'll actually concede and admit that she's president. one of the things that has made us the oldest democracy on earth and one of the greatest countries. right, ever in the history of countries. is that we have a peaceful transition of power, and we have these incredible contests that are like really hard fought.
but then once you've got to decided, you don't kill the person who lost and you don't lock them up. they live to fight another day. you shake hands. but even the person who lost says, well, i recognize this as my new president. this is my commander in chief. the country moves on. we accept. that's how we get new power in this country. >> jimmy: of course. >> if that's no longer true, trump is saying, i will accept the election results if i win. and if i don't, i mean, what's he going to do? is he going to tell people, hillary clinton isn't really the presid her as commander in chief? the military should mutiny. i'm really the president. because i know -- i mean, that's something we've never, ever been through as a country before, and if he's going to try to pull that off, we're really going to be in uncharted territory. >> jimmy: i just say, i think you're doing a fantastic job and brian williams, i like you guys together. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i love you worked so well together and you've done such a great job. i don't know how you're keeping the energy up, but keep going. >> i'm excited. it's scary, but it's exciting too. i mean this is a collective
it's maybe more important than usual this time around. but it is -- just anybody who's feeling overwhelmed or depressed about it, or whatever, there's a reason to be excited about it. which is that it's up to us now. like, whatever you think about everybody else who's been talking about it in these candidates, it's up to us. now's the time when you get to actually do it. and that's exciting. legitimately exciting. we should all be psyched to vote. >> jimmy: this is good. go out there and vote. rachel maddow everyone. [ applause ] "the rachel maddow show" airs weeknights at 9:00 p.m. on msnbc. she'll be co-anchoring election coverage live next tuesday. music from jim james when we come back. [ cheers and applause ] ? hillary clinton: i'm hillary clinton and i
approve this message. vo: in times of crisis america depends on steady leadership. donald trump: "knock the crap out of them, would you? seriously..."vo: clear thinking... donald trump: "i know more about isis than the generals do, believe me."
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one. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. our next guest is the grammy-nominated front man of my morning jacket and his new solo album, "eternally even," is out now. performing "here in spirit," please welcome jim james. ?
? no compromise but willing to sacrifice believe what you want go on and be who you are ? ? go out and get what you want full of life ? ? the stone is thrown it's coming fast the next thing you know ? ? it's crashing through the glass now we're down on our knees picking up the scraps ? ? whatever it takes we're gonna build it back
through the night go on be one with the light ? ? full of life the stone is thrown it's coming fast ? ? the next thing you know it's crashing thru the glass now we're down on our knees picking up the scraps ? ? whatever it takes ? if you don't speak out don't speak out we can't hear it ? ? our love is always here always here here in spirit ? ? and all those
are neck and neck in new hampshire, while chris christie isn't even neck. [ laughter and applause ] today is national sandwich day, so you know we hittin' da club. [ laughter ] my great shame is that was my favorite of all the jokes. [ laughter ] we hitting' the club! and finally, a cafe if switzerland that was supposed to offer men oral sex along with their coffee, is considering replacing sex workers with high-end sex robots. "yeah, but how's the coffee," asked nobody. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ]
called "hacksaw ridge." the fantastic vince vaughn is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we also have the chief anchor of abc news. george stephanopoulos is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll have stand-up comedy from liza treyger. it's a great show. but before we get to all that, with the election still five days away, republicans are already threatening years of political paralysis if hillary cl with some promising to block her supreme court nominees for years and others saying she should be impeached. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ? [ applause ] >> seth: we're in the home stretch and both sides are in overdrive doing everything they can to get people to vote. tuesday in ohio, for example, president obama told supporters that if they went to the polls to vote early, they could also go to taco bell and get a free
world series, i'm aware that because francisco lindor stole second base in game one, everyone in america gets a free taco at taco bell tomorrow. [ cheers ] [ laughter ] i mean, this guy was so fired up about the free taco, look at him! excited about a free taco. this guy right here. >> seth: although to be fair, they shouldn't -- [ laughter ] they shouldn't make joe biden stand in the crowd like that. [ laughter and applause ] but what -- by the way, what a sad state of affairs it is when you say "get out and vote. we have to stop an insane man from having the nuclear codes." and people go, "eh." but you say, "free taco," and
now in the closing stretch, the campaign of course has been dominated by the news that suddenly the very chatty fbi has discovered more e-mails potentially related to hillary clinton's private server. and republicans are pulling out all the stops. in fact today texas senator ted cruz, who once called trump a pathological liar after trump attacked his wife and accused his dad of being involved in the assassination of jfk, campaigned for trump in iowa. and as he ge board the jump jet, cruz pushed back on suggestions he wasn't fully behind trump. >> some of you guys are wanting to write stories suggesting divisions among republicans. i'll make a point i'm getting ready to get on a gigantic airplane that has donald trump's name painted on the side of it. >> seth: "in fact this is very similar to the airplane lyndon johnson was sworn in on after my dad killed jfk." [ laughter ] nonetheless, the investigation of hillary's e-mails is a
and not say anything crazy. a task apparently so difficult for him, trump had to give himself a pep talk on stage at a rally in florida yesterday. >> in six days we are going to win the great state of florida. and we are going to win the white house. gonna win it. its feeling like it already, isn't it? we've got to be nice and cool. nice and cool. right? stay on point. [ laughter ] no side tracks, donald. nice and easy. >> seth: he had to talk to himself about acting sane like he's on a diet. [ laughter ] "okay, donald, there is cake in the break room, but you don't need cake. [ laughter ] a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. [ applause ] it's swimsuit season, donald. it's swimsuit season."
problem is his message. he is trying to cast hillary clinton as a potentially illegitimate president who would be mired in legal crisis for years. and his rhetoric, and that of the people around him, has become increasingly rabid and unhinged. at a recent rally in nevada, for example, one of trump's warm up speakers was right wing media personality wayne allyn root. and by the way, when there your name is wayne allyn root there are two careers available to you. right wing radio host or river city strangler. root described this fantasy he had about hillary and a key aide. >> i heard a rumor, i don't know if you heard this rumor, but while we're all gathered here, all the networks have wall-to-wall coverage of a live police chase and it's hillary in a white ford bronco. [ light laughter ] she's got -- she's got huma driving and they're headed for
i have the name, i have the name, i have the name for the future tv movie. it's called "driving miss hillary." and the ending, if we all get our wish, the ending is like 'thelma and louise.'" >> seth: okay, first of all, the way this election is going, we all want to be "thelma and louise." [ light laughter ] also i don't know why you'd bring up "driving miss daisy." wasn't that a movie about a [ laughter and applause ] that's the last movie you should be bringing up. and then there have been calls to violence from trump supporters if he loses. for example, former gop congressman joe walsh recently tweeted that if trump loses, quote, "i'm grabbing my musket." walsh was asked about that comment on msnbc this week and wasn't especially convincing in trying to defend it. >> why tweet that?
it's a -- craig it's a metaphor. it's a call to arms. >> you could understand why a lot of folks have a problem with that. especially considering the current political climate that we're in. >> craig, i said musket. if i had said gun, that's one thing. >> a musket it is a gun. >> no, no. okay, fine, then take me literally. why the hell would i advocate anybody to grab a musket? nobody can find a musket anywhere, craig. i challenge to you find a working musket. find you a musket? [ laughter ] this isn't a scavenger hunt. and once you find the musket, you have to find an autographed photo of luke perry. [ laughter ] the republicans are using increasingly unhinged rhetoric to warn about the consequences of electing hillary. many are even threatening to impeach her without any evidence of a crime before she ever takes office. and if they can't do that, they'll settle for the next best thing -- preventing her from filling any vacancy on the supreme court for
sitting gop senators, including ted cruz, john mccain, and richard burr have voiced support for blocking any clinton nominee to supreme court forever. >> if hillary clinton becomes president, i will do everything i can do to make sure that four years from now we still have an opening on the supreme court. >> seth: four years. poor merrick garland. do you remember him? the guy obama nominated to fill the seat eight months ago? he is probably just wandering like tom hanks in "the terminal." [ laughter ] the hypocrisy here is especially brazen when you consider the republicans excuse for not confirming garland in the first place was that we should wait for the election and let the voters decide who they want to fill the seat. >> the american people should be afforded the opportunity to weigh in. >> we think that the american people need a chance to weigh in on this issue. >> let's let the american people decide. >> it aught to be put off out of
election. >> this should be a decision for the people, george. let the election decide it. >> seth: "that's right. let the election decide, just like my dad decided to kill jfk." [ laughter ] trump and the gop have destroyed some of our most important political norms. they want to jail or impeach anyone they disagree with. and if they don't get to wield power, they want to paralyze the government so no one can. you would think that would be enough to get people to the polls. you know, that or -- free taco at taco bell tomorrow. >> seth: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] this has been "a closer look." ? we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ? (vo) maybe it was here, when you hit 300,000 miles.
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? [ ch a and please, give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, we've been incredibly lucky all week long to have an incredible musician sitting in with the 8g band. she is the former drummer for music legend prince. and the first single from her new husband and wife duo, counter culture, "women's institution", is out now. hannah welton, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for a fantastic week, and please come back soon. now, if you have been following the news lately, then you know
>> all right pal, take a hike. >> seth: um, sorry? what's going on over there? >> oh, sorry seth. someone's trying to get into the vip area. >> seth: jim, there's no vip area at our show. what are you talking about? >> i got your handwritten note, saying that you wanted me to rope off the vip area just for your nephew, derrick. it's got your signature and everything. [ laughter ] >> seth: derrick, get over here! [ audience oohs ] i am so sorry about this, everyone. is in town, and i promised his mom i'd look after him. but it looks like i can't leave him alone for two seconds. so now he has to sit here with me at the desk where he can't get into any trouble. [ laughter ] >> hey, uncle seth. >> seth: hi. [ laughter ] >> i like your make-up. >> seth: uh-huh. eric -- i mean, derrick, what are you doing? why are you --
deserve a vip section? >> well, as you just illustrated, i've sort of been getting bullied a lot. and i've been getting bullied a lot at school specifically. and i just thought if i had my own safe space, maybe like people would leave me alone. i'm sorry. >> seth: oh gosh, derrick, i didn't -- [ audience aws ] i didn't know you were getting bullied at school. why didn't you tell me, bud? >> because i don't know, it's embarrassing. >> seth: no, buddy, look, i can help you handle bullies. i know how to handle bul. but i don't need to know how to curl up into a ball and scream like a girl. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay, you know what. derrick, i can teach you how to talk yourself out of bad situations with bullies. >> really? >> seth: yeah. i do this for a living. i talk to people for my job. and i'm pretty good at it. here, let's role play. you pretend to be a bully and i'll pretend to be you, okay? >> okay. um, hey, dork face, why are you such a dork? >> seth: and then well, you know what i would say to that, i'd
so why don't you get out of my face?" >> huh. yeah. okay. i guess i could see that's pretty good. >> seth: yeah. >> could we try switching roles? >> seth: okay, sure. uh, yes so i'll be the bully. hey, derrick, your hair looks whack! >> yeah? well at least i'm not some big-nose celebrity ass-kisser giving tug-jobs to d-listers while my balls sit in a jar on lorne michaels's book shelf. [ laughter ] get out of my face, second-rate ji >> seth: jesus, derrick. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, yeah, that felt really empowering, uncle seth. >> seth: no, derrick, what you what said was really hurtful. >> well, you said my hair was whack. >> seth: yeah, but then you said a bunch of super specific stuff. are you even getting bullied at school? >> yes!
in fact, he's the biggest bully in school. >> seth: i'm sorry, who are you? >> i'm his principal. and he was supposed to be in detention today, but someone took him out of school. >> seth: oh, my god. let me guess, you got a handwritten note with my signature on it? >> no, just this voice mail. [ beep ] >> oh, hi principal sheila. yeah, this is derrick's uncle. television's seth meyers. yeah, i'm gonna need to take derrick out of school for a couple of days on account of i just got stung by a bunch of and uh, it stings pretty bad. and i need derrick to pee on me until it feels better. [ laughter ] i just got to have that pee-pee. so, thanks for understanding. uh, i love you, bye-bye. >> seth: well obviously i did not get stung by a bunch of jelly fish. >> oh, so you just want to get peed on for no reason? >> seth: no. [ light laughter ] no i -- >> i -- i -- can explain.
only way they can reach sexual climax is by getting urinated on. >> seth: no, no, derrick. [ laughter ] derrick, what's the matter with you? this isn't the kid -- [ laughter ] this isn't the kid i know, buddy. it isn't. the kid i know had a good heart. remember when we went to the susset county pumpkin' chunkin'? you gave your binoculars to that em' shoot the pumpkin out of the cannon. you remember that? what happened to that kid i knew? >> well, the truth is, i know i shouldn't have done that stuff. i guess i was just acting out, because last week you missed my piano recital. >> seth: oh, god, the recital. >> i looked out into the audience and i saw one empty seat, and i knew. >> seth: oh, gosh, derrick. now i completely understand why you're upset.
[ laughter ] but you weren't there. i guess i could play it for you now. >> seth: oh, that would be great. you could use eli's keyboard. >> that's okay. i brought my own. roll it on out, alex. >> seth: you, wait -- [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you brought your own go. i practice a lot. so can i play you a song? [ cheers and applause ] this is dedicated to my uncle seth. >> seth: oh, thanks, buddy. ? sometimes in our lives
we all have sorrow ? ? but if we are wise we know that there's always tomorrow ? ? pee on seth pee on his face and in his hair all over his body ? ? for it won't be long 'til i'm gonna need somebody to pee on ? ? you just call on me brother if you need a friend ? ? we all need somebody to pee on ? ? we might have a problem
to pee on ? ? pee on seth pee on his face and in his hair all over his body ? ? for it won't be long and i'm gonna need somebody to pee on ? ? just call on me brother we all need somebody to pee on ? ? i just might have a problem that you'd understand we all need somebody to pee on ? >> everybody sing! ? pee on his face and in his hair
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