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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 3, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT

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guguillermo:.lin-manuel miranda >> dicky: from hollywood it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight jamie dornan khlo? kardashian halloween challenge results this week in unnecessary censorship and music from kings of leon in nashville. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i am jimmy.
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thanks for coming. we have so much to get to, but before we do, how about that baseball game last night. did you watch it? wow. you know, we had a big show last night. last night we had a new mean tweets. we did a live simulcast using a hologram from nashville. we have a major expensive show, and nobody watched it because they were watching the game. it was the most game in 25 years. the cubs won the world series for the first time since 1908. if there were any cubs fans still alive from the last time they won, they definitely died in the eighth inning. it was funny hearing all the reporters after the game saying things like the last time the cubs won the world series you couldn't listen to it on the radio because radio hadn't been invented yet, and the last time the cubs won the world series,
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because we still had flippers. what we now call humans were still evolving from the sea. a lot of the credit for this win goes to the president of the cubs. this is the guy who put together the red sox team that broke their curse. for a man who is so good at busting curses, you'd think he'd know not to bust a curse out on live tv. >> out away and he stays in and give it up. and that's baseball. you can never -- texting me congrats, and i'm like p[ bleep ] you. this is baseball. it ain't going to happen. >> go wash out your mouth out with champagne. >> jimmy: people in chicago haven't gone this nuts in that city since oprah gave the pontiacs away. it was crazy. of all the magic moments, and there were many, i think this is my favorite.
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>> jimmy: been waiting 108 years to do that. massive crowds of fans swarmed the streets going absolutely nuts, but no one that i know of showed more emotion than crying ryan. he was caught on camera weeping after he beat the dodgers to get into the world series. we had a camera on him last night when they won. at a spo ryan is like the first dabs at his wedding or something. by 8:00 this morning it was a puddle with a cubs hat. congratulations to ryan. and congratulations to hillary clinton who is from chicago, we think, it depends on who is in the room, i don't know maybe. hillary took time to watch the
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report from nbc. >> spending 45 minutes backstage after her campaign rallying in arizona. watching the game on an ipad with aides. you can get that on our ipad? i have an anti-variety software. i don't know. i hope that's covered under apple care. anyway, so there you have it. condolences to cleveland. the chicago cubs are finally world series if bill murray is happy, i think we can all be happy. [ applause ] >> jimmy: an uplifting story in america. okay, now back to this horrible election. by the way, i am still running for vice president. [ cheers and applause ] it continues. i got some exciting news today. my name is on the ballot. they said my name wouldn't be on
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affiliation, but they were wrong. my name is actually on the ballot. you can see mine, right, jimm y kimmel. vote for me. circle all of those letters. if the cubs can win the world series, i can win this presidency. ted cruz wants to make america great again. remember the guy everyone to punch in the face? he campaigned on behalf of trump today. a man who insulted his wife and his father and his face. back then ted cruz called trump a sniveling coward, but at a rally with mike pence today he told the crowd he believes donald trump is the sniffling coward this country needs right now, and you know what you want about ted cruz, clearly the man has no principles whatsoever. donald trump is now jetting
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he was in concord, north carolina today. and had a rally in pensacola last night. everyone was hung over after the game and donald trump is no exception in tonight's edition of drunk donald trump. >> those e-mails are going to be -- they're going to be some beauties in there. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: trump's wife made an appearance today. she has not spoken publicly since the plagiarized speech thing at the rnc. he was in pennsylvania today where we slowed her down too in our first ever edition of drunk melania trump. >> in 2006 i studied for the
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is that pennsylvania or transl vain ya in i'm not sure. this is interesting. every first lady has a cause like for nancy reagan it was drugs. for michelle obama it's healthy eating and exercising. for melania trump, she gave us a look at what she would focus on. she said she would stand up against bullies or bullying, or maybe she said bowling. i don't know with the accent it's hard to tell. it's wildly ironic that a woman who married donald trump would choose bullying as a thing -- maybe it's a cry for help. i don't know. she said the country is too mean and nasty, and believe it or not, she has a plan to stop it. >> we have to find a better way to talk to each other, to disagree with each other, to respect each other. we must treat each other with respect and kindness even when
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our culture has gotten too mean and too rough. especially my husband, donald. thank you. >> that's very blunt. >> jimmy: just when you think you've seen it all. she's an immigrant to stood up to the bullies. he's a bully to stood up to the immigrants. congratulations are in order f stev steven siegel is now an official russian citizen. he's been granted citizenship signed by vladimir putin who is apparently his friend. i feel like vladimir putin saw the bond between kim jong-un and dennis rodman and wanted it. steven siegel is popular in
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haven't seen a lot of his movies. he's slowly turning into the villian from a steven siegel movie. back to election. it's safe to say this campaign hasn't done wonders for our national morale. there's a tendency to stop and appreciate what we have right now. we had fun. we asked people what they thought about president obama's big announcement that he will be running for a third term. of course, there's a two term limit in the constitution. did that stop anyone who heard he was running from claiming they heard about it? of course not. here's a new lie witness news. >> as you know this morning president obama announced his intention to run for a third term as president. will you be supporting him this time around? >> wow. yeah, yeah, that's right. he did make that announcement. if it happens, of course.
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rationale that he has to run again because a, quote, national [ bleep ] storm? >> i think he's correct in saying that it is a pretty big [ bleep ] storm, but i don't know that he's going to be able to do much else about it at this point. >> what did you think about president obama's argument that, quote, his orchid collection would not survive a move? >> well, i'd call him on that. it's total b.s. they can go anywhere as long as they have the proper environment. >> who were you announcement with? >> i was watching it with my mom. >> was she excited? >> i had to calm her down from laughing. >> were you and your mother chanting along with president obama's new campaign slogan, if it ain't barack, don't fix it? >> yeah. >> what went dwlour mind when you saw him take out the sharpie and cross out the 22 nd amendment? >> infuriated and couldn't believe he'd have the audacity to do something like that. >> what were the people around
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at home on a little phone. yeah. after work. >> yeah. as you know, this morning president obama made the historic announcement that he will be seeking a third term. are you going to support him this time around? >> he's doing a third term? >> yeah. >> obama is? >> no way. >> yeah. >> obama is going to do a third term? >> yeah. are you excited? >> oh, my god. are you serious? >> i'm serious. >> no, no you're not. >> why? >> wait a a third term? he can do a third term? >> walk me through what you're thinking right now? >> i was just like he can do a third term? i thought you can only do two. >> well, two or three. >> oh my god. oh, my god. everybody is going to be like oh my god, i need to call people right quick. everybody going to be happy. if obama do it again -- oh, my god f. for real.
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able to be the president again. >> we'll take a break. when we come back, we have this week in "unnecessary censorship," and a brand new back to parents pretending to eat their kids' halloween candy. stick around.
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the show. as you know, we started what i believe to be the most important halloween tradition since
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or treat with smell my feet. we asked parents to pretend they ate their children's halloween candy. we shared the results on tuesday night. unfortunately many parents sent their videos in late. i couldn't have been clearer about the deadline, but we didn't feel right about ignoring them. here is a special bonus edition of the youtube challenge for halloween 2016, hey, jimmy kimmel, i told my kids i ate all their candy part two. >> we got some candy, and we ate all your candy. and we're really sorry. >> it's okay. >> test okay. >> because i don't want anymore candy. >> no. >> we ate all of your halloween candy. >> are you serious? >> yeah. [ crying ] >> i have plenty of candy.
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>> no. [ crying ] >> why? why? >> you're not going to say anything? >> i'm just trying to calm down. >> when you were at school and while you were sleeping, i >> oh, no. >> okay, they're all mommy's. mommy's going to eat them all. >> i don't like it when people take candy. >> i'm sorry. i love you.
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>> your daddy ate all the candy. >> you always say that, mom. >> no, we ate it all. >> oh, it's okay. >> do you still love me? >> um, sure. >> all gone? all gone? all gone, mommy. >> i ate >> all gone. all gone. >> i ate it all. >> ate it all? >> yeah. >> in your belly? >> yeah. >> jimmy kimmel told him to do it. >> that's so stupid. >> mom and dad are meanies. >> we sat up all night and ate all the good stuff.
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trick. i -- that used to be my favorite show. >> while you were at school, i ate all your candy. [ crying ] [ cheers and applause ] . >> jimmy: he's still don't worry, kids. on tuesday you get to watch your parents cry over the results of the election, so. one more thing, it is thursday night which means it's time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the ago this week in "unnecessary censorship." >> two things american people don't know about you? >> i love people. and i'm a nice person. >> all right. >> i love [ bleep ]ing people, actually, more than anything
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we had to [ bleep ] a coyote. >> yeah. >> let's prove once and for all that love trumps hate. [ bleep ] you. >> donald trump said melania trump would [ bleep ] two or three [ bleep ] before election day. this is the first one. >> working in america was a true blessing, but i wanted something more. i wanted to [ bleep ] an >> thas [ bleep ]. >> really nice. >> yeah. bigger than i've ever seen, i think. >> things are happening now. i want to [ bleep ] this guy. >> i [ bleep ] this guy right here. >> i'm sweting to death and trying not to [ bleep ] myself with my sword. >> the research suggests there are many benefits to [ bleep ]ing your dog. that's today in this edition of pet [ bleep ]ers. >> yeah, bill.
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>> jimmy: tonight on the show music from kings of leon in nashville khloe kardashian is here and we'll be right back with jamie dornan. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by green giant. swap in more veggies with new green giant veggie tots. if yout to sing out, sing out ? ? and if you want to be free, be free ? ? ? and if you want to be me, be me ? ? and if you want to be you, be you ? ? 'cause there's a million things to do ? ? you know that there are ?
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inside the rack houses of jim beam, every barrel is aged four long years,
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>> jimmy: high there. >> jimmy: tonight one of the most kept up with people in all the world khloe kardashian is here. then their new album is called "walls" a great band kings of leon from the crown royal stage in nashville, tennessee. next week, what a show we have next week, carol burnett will be matthew broderick, lin-manuel miranda, from the chicago cubs, kris bryant will be here on monday. and we will have music from willie nelson, butch walker, t.i., and vic mensa too. and also next week i will become vice president of the united states. so that's gonna change things up. we're going to have to figure some things out. on his current tv show, our first guest plays the ultimate
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by night. season three is available now on netflix. please welcome jamie dornan. [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: there's a lot of excitement here. >> i'm >> jimmy: all right. calm down, you animals. don't -- we have a hose, andly turn it on you if i have to. how are you? >> good. how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: can you tell the difference between a 50 shades of gray fan and of your show? >> yeah. >> jimmy: how do you know who is going to bring what up? >> there's this sort of, um, sort of energy in the eyes of a
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don't possess. it's like a hunger, and you can sort of see it and smell it. >> jimmy: does the hunger ever scare you? >> if it's in a pack, it's terrifying. >> jimmy: i would think individual hunger would be more alarming. >> it depends on what sort of form it comes. >> jimmy: and what form does it come? >> every form. >> jimmy: you're originally from what part of ireland? >> the north, >> jimmy: are you from a family of actors? >> no. my family are mostly doctors, actually. >> jimmy: doctors? >> doctors, yeah. my father is an obstetrician/gynecologist. >> jimmy: what's with the slash? i think you're taking your role too seriously. >> it's an inappropriate way to
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>> mostly in northern ireland, but over 6,000 babies in northern ireland. >> jimmy: so you must meet people whose babies for delivered by your dad all the time? >> yeah. i'll be home and someone will come up to me and i'm like here we go. they're obviously a fan, and they're like can i say your dad delivered me? i'm like exciting by time number 5,000. yeah. i have to admit, i would say that to you if your dad had delivered me, which he didn't, by the way? >> he didn't? >> jimmy: no, i was in the united states. >> he got around. >> jimmy: did he ever deliver a baby off site like in a weird situation? >> you should get him on and ask
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wasn't he? >> yeah. i didn't know. >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> zad the worst person in the world at keeping secrets. he managed to keep the secret that he was in the show. i didn't arrange it. he's got to know the creator of the show over the year. it's been nearly spent five of my years in this job. they arranged it behind my back. they shme out so i get sent all the episodes not for a preview. they don't care what i have to say, but they just to be polite, they send it before they're aired. and i was watching it, the second episode on a train from where we live in the middle of nowhere into london, and my dad just pops up, like, out of nowhere. and delivers this one line, like really kind of well. it was kind of good. and that was it.
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to get paid for the job. now he sees himself as an actor. >> jimmy: he does? >> yeah. he'll be, like, awards campaigns and stuff. >> jimmy: he's going to have an ad? >> yeah, he's going to go for it. >> jimmy: for your consideration, dad? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's exciting. have his friends seen it and reacted to it? >> i think so, yeah. it just finished on the bbc. we just had episode six friday. >> jimmy: i want to talk about that. i'm nervous about saying anything, because i know people get angry. they are much more interested in netflix than politics, but when we come back, we'll explain the whole thing. the show is called "the fall". season three available on netflix right now. jamie dornan is here.
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my mother passed 2003, but she always told me i don't care if you turn out sure you get your college degree. sometimes i call the house, just to hear her voice. (phone ringing) answering machine: hi, leave a message after the beep. (beep) hey mom, this is larry. i just want to let you know that uh, i fulfilled the promise that you held me to. love you. (beep) it's endless shrimp at red lobster.
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>> we're back. khloe kardashian is on the way, this is jamie dornan. his show is called "the fall". it's on bbc in the uk.
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here. they have to wait a week for the next fix. it nearly said netflix, their next fix. >> jimmy: maybe there's something. >> you're welcome, netflix for that one. that's the new ad campaign. >> jimmy: the finale aired and something big that i don't want to talk about happens in the finale, and we're just getting the whole season. are you worried people are going to ruin it? >> you have to be worried because of social media and stuff. it's like one world when it that. i sort of avoid all that stuff. i am sort of not privy to what is said and what people know, but i hope it's not ruined. >> jimmy: i hope it's not ruined also, and i'm trying hard not to be the one who ruins it. speaking of ruining things, the next two "50 shades of gray" movies -- >> are going to ruin the franchise? >> you are in these, and -- >> yep.
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replacing you in that. do you know anything about that? is that true? >> no, i mean, no, i don't know. >> jimmy: you're under oath y. you realize that, right? >> that would be really hard for them to do considering we've shot both the movies. that's an expensive mistake. put it that way. but good luck to 'em. he'll be great. >> jimmy: all right. i feel like the answer to that was yes. now i want to ask you about your relation happiest man in america right now. it appears you're playing golf with bull murray. how did this happen? where were you here? >> i'd love to be able to explain what he's doing in that photograph, but i'm not into what he's doing at all. >> jimmy: why?
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links championship. you get paired with different people. every sort of amateur has a pro that they're paired with. i'm not a good golfer. there's cameras everywhere for sports networks and thousands of people. why am i here? why am i doing this, and i'm paired with bull murray who is not a fan of bull murray? he's a legend. i wanted to hang out, but it's hard to approach that. i didn't want to be like we should hook up later. >> jimmy: yeah. >> not like hook up. you know what i mean. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i hadn't planned to, but the night after we -- that we played that round of golf, it was a social week. a lot of pouring pints down your
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>> jimmy: we say elevator. >> i'm quite good at sneaking off. one of the things that's fun and stuff, when you know you've hit a wall, i'm just like i need to make a phone call. l.a. is up, i'll just go. i got in the elevator. and it opens up on the fourth floor or third which is my room, and the doors open and bill murray is standing there and he's like going, and i was like oh, my god, i need to go to bed. i'm like bed. he's like back in the elevator. puts me back. went up to the fourth floor, brought me to a secrecy gar whisky bar that i didn't know existed. he gave me a drink, and then there's a balcony that overlooks st. durandrew's golf course. we weren't talking.
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balcony. only two people, just looking at the golf course and the starry sky, and we were there for two minutes without saying a word, just -- i'm like what is happening here? and then i was like, i was sort of like looking at him to see is he into it or what? what is it? and after i was like this is maybe the coolest moment of life. and after a w like, and he turned and left, but again didn't say anything. i was left standing there like how long should i -- should i be like following him, like, hey, bill, we should finish that nonconversation we were having? >> so i left for seven seconds, by the time i went in he was into conversation with other people, so i left my whisky and went to bed. >> jimmy: that's a magical experience you had. >> it was pretty special. >> jimmy: it's good to have you here. >> jimmy: jamie dornan!
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>> jimmy: our next guest is a reality tv star, author, selfie-taker and now jeans-maker, too. her latest endeavor is her own line of jeans called good american. please welcome khlo? kardashian. [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: you look fantastic. >> thank you. you too. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very sexeed up audience tonight. it's difficult to keep up with the kardashians. every day you have something going on. >> we do. >> jimmy: last night was your sister's 21st birthday. you had a big party, i saw.
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went to this club and had crazy celebrations, and i heard you're neighbors. >> jimmy: yes. >> she had a after party. i don't know if it affected you. >> jimmy: no, i saw something was going on, but i was watching the baseball game. i feel like they weren't. >> they were not watching the baseball game. >> jimmy: they were the only ones in america. when you have a big party like that, do people bring gifts or is it like no gifts? >> she -- i think g always accepted. i think anywhere you go, but my mom was like come on, let's go. she was riling us up and we were like what's going on, and then we go outside and there's a rolls royce and a man standing there. i was like what's the gift, the guy or the car, and then this guy just hands her a pair of keys to the car. he's some prince and i was like is this a joke on my 21st
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purse. i didn't know you just get cars from strangers. >> jimmy: he gave her that? >> a car. >> jimmy: what? >> i know, and this morning i was like holy crap. do you remember? you got this car. how did you get it home? she was like i forgot i got a car. that's how drunk she was. >> jimmy: she left it in l.a.? >> i'm sure my mom took it. >> jimmy: oh, my god, wow. that's crazy. >> i really felt like it was something totally made something like that before. >> jimmy: and you're multiplying now. your rob is having a baby with a person named black chyna. >> yes and the baby is coming next week, i think. >> jimmy: now, black chyna, forgive me if i get it wrong. why is that her name? >> she picked that name. >> jimmy: okay.
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and now she's pregnant with a baby with your brother, rob? >> chyna, not kylie. >> jimmy: right. >> okay. i had to clarify the she. >> jimmy: aren't you supposed to not mix the gene pool like this? >> it makes your holidays a little more concise. >> jimmy: you think your brother is going to be good with a baby? >> i my dad. i think he's going to be great with baby. i'm sure he's nervous. i think any new dad should be. >> jimmy: yeah. will you help with the baby? >> yes. i will. apparently she keeps going so r you ready? we're having a baby, we meaning her and i, and i was like yeah, laughing it off, and now i'm beginning to think, no, she's really serious, like it's her and i.
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>> jimmy: do you have a fold out crib or something in your house? >> no, but i think i need to. >> jimmy: or stick the baby in the car. >> i should. >> jimmy: on top of that you are dating tristan thompson of the cleveland cavaliers. >> you're very good. >> jimmy: i have to know what's going on. it's my job. do you live in cleveland a lot of the time? >> no. i live here, but i'm there very often. >> jmy often? >> yes. >> jimmy: and do you like being in cleveland? >> i actually do. one person in the audience. i actually really like it. i like the -- just having my routine and being a little more under the radar. >> jimmy: do people go nuts when they see you in cleveland? >> the first week i was there we went to the gym and target. we were in the car and like don't you like there's no
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no one notices me, and someone was like you should get paid to be a khloe kardashian look alike. you look so much like her. i was like you're right. i was under the radar. >> jimmy: you have your own line of jeans, this fascinates me. how you get your own line of jeans in the first place. we hired a model to model then. send the model out, will you guys? ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: model. true or false, these are women's jeans he's wearing? >> true. i think they look really good. >> i feel like sausage.
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that's good. i don't know if that's good that there's no moose knuckle on him. >> jimmy: he's not canadian, so it wouldn't make any sense. people are making up their own racial slurs right now. so these are women's jeans and they come in all sizes? is that the thing? >> yes, from a 0 to 24. i really hate when people have to go to plus sizing. i don't believe in that term. i think that standard si [ applause ] >> i used to be denim shamed when i would go with my sisters when i was a little bigger and i had to shop in a different department. that was embarrassing for me, so i wanted to fight for a denim line that broke down the barriers of discriminating people and making them have to
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do. what size is that pair, guillermo, that you're wearing? >> guillermo: size ten. >> ten, yeah. >> jimmy: all right, wow. i have to say they look good on him. >> thank you. >>. >> your ass looks great. >> jimmy: it does. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's the ultimate validation. your ass is now kardashian approved. it's good to see you. please keep me updated on all this khloe kardashian, everybody. good american jeans are available online and at nordstrom. and we shall return with music from kings of leon in nashville. >> dicky: music in nashville on "jimmy kimmel live" is brought to you by new crown royal
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>> dicky: music in nashville on "jimmy kimmel live" is brought to you by new crown royal vanilla whiskey. vanilla so good. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank jamie dornan, khloe kardashian and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. nightline is next but first,
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"waste a moment" all the way from nashville, kings of leon! ? ? ? all the way from waco to weho with a rabbit on her chain ? ? drove a little slick car to tend bar with the static on her brain ? ? she's a little burner burner gonna throw you to the flame ? ? little ticking time bomb time bomb gonna blow us all away ? ? ooh
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to waste a moment ? ? never ask to be forgiven ? ? tex he was her boyfriend with no kin always running from the law ? ? every other weekend with his back in her claw ? ? he's a livewire wire wired shooting sparks in the night ? ? he's a gun for hire hired with a bead in his sights ? ? ooh take the time to waste a moment ? ? facing where
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? ooh name your price to all this living ? ? never ask to be forgiven ? ? ooh take the time to waste a moment ? ? facing where the lines are broken ? ? ooh name your price to all this living
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>> this is "nightline." >> tonight inside the final 30. holy voters. >> as christians w for the platform and not the person. >> but this year the republican candidate -- >> there's disgust on both sides. >> causing a crisis of faith. >> some alarmed by the sinful rhetoric. >> what a national disgrace. >> others toeing the party lines. >> for me it's strictly biblical, why i'm supporting donald trump. >> how evangelicals are casting their votes. >> plus, does this election have

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