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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  October 31, 2016 11:35pm-12:38am EDT

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crew. >> questlove: 561! mwuahahaha. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ? ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow, wow, wow, wow! oh. that's what i'm talking about. that's a great crowd. beautiful new york city crowd. welcome, everybody. welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. this is the show -- [ cheers and applause ] to be at. thank you so much.
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? it is halloween, which means you just spent the night handing out candy, or you've been sitting completely still in the dark, pretending that you weren't home. one of the two things. [ laughter and applause ] nobody move! they can hear us! actually, i saw that the nypd was urging stores in new york city not to sell eggs or shaving cream to minors to try to prevent halloween pranks. and if you want to know which es rule, look for the ones covered in eggs and shaving cream. [ cheers and applause ] you losers! and get this, i saw a new study that says that eating over 1500 pieces of candy corn could actually kill you. [ laughter ] which shouldn't be a problem since the current record for eating a piece of candy corn is two. [ applause ] tastes like a -- tastes like a a candle dipped in splenda.
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[ light laughter ] i'll try one more. yeah, still no. let's get to some election news. as you probably heard, the fbi is revisiting its investigation into hillary clinton's e-mails because some of them were found on anthony weiner's laptop. real mess, not because there are so many e-mails, just because they can't find anyone willing to touch anthony weiner's laptop. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] yikes! not today. ? >> steve: weiner. >> jimmy: all right. [ laughter ] over on the republican side, it seems like there's still a lot of fighting going on between donald trump and other gop leaders. in fact trump isn't going to help hold any more fundraisers that would help support other republican races. when asked why, trump said, you should know by now that i don't care about other races. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: hey oh! >> jimmy: i read that as of yesterday, over 21 million
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it's amazing to see millions of americans with different points of view all joining together to get this election over with as soon as humanly possible. [ cheers and applause ] get it over with. think i might have just pulled something on that last joke. not sure. not sure if i can go on, actually. >> steve: you alright? [ audience groans ] >> jimmy: but this is "the tonight show." we have to go on. i need -- i need someoneo in for me. [ cheers and applause ] jay leno, everybody! jay leno. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you, thank you, everybody. boy, i tell you -- [ cheers and applause ] hey, guys. hillary -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. hillary clinton got quite a
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to the door dressed as a lie detector. [ laughter ] and i tell you that donald trump, he is a smart businessman. when kids rang his bell and yelled trick or treat, trump yelled trick, and before the kids could grab any candy, declared bankruptcy. boom, just like that. [ applause ] well, here's an interesting halloween story you may have seen in the papers today. researchers say the smell of pumpkins can actually cause sexual arousal in men. guys, a word of warning, before you act on impulse, blow out the candle first. okay? because it's going to be -- it's going to be very -- [ cheers and applause ] i had a great costume this year. earlier tonight, i put a a douchebag on my head went out as billy bush. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] as you know, billy bush got fired for the outrageous things he and donald trump said about
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billy. this way, he could grab bush whenever he wanted. [ cheers and applause ] see, the greatest thing about our country, and this is why i'm optimistic. out of the more than 325 million americans, we were able to narrow it down to the two best-loved, most qualified people. that's -- i mean, that's unbelievable. [ applause ] that is a testament to us. you know, i watch both summer, and here's something i don't understand. like at the republican convention, rudy giuliani spoke. he's got three wives. newt gingrich spoke. he's got three wives. then donald trump spoke. he's got three wives. the only one with one wife is mitt romney and he's a mormon. it didn't make any sense. [ cheers and applause ] it didn't make any sense. and did you see bill clinton at the democratic convention where he introduced his new campaign
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and her -- [ laughter and applause ] and these two dolls. and as you know, the state of new york is suing trump university for $40 million, claiming it was not a real college because the students did not get a good education and could not find jobs after they graduated. i know, it sounds like a real college to me. i'm not quite sure what the problem is. [ cheers and applause ] and speaking -- speaking of education, hillary clinton was stopped at a school where children as young as 5 were learning to work with computers. i thought this was nice. the former first lady actually took the time to show the young people how to use that all important delete files button. [ cheers and applause ] and president obama was at a a big fund-raising dinner in beverly hills last week where people paid $100,000 a plate to hear the president talk about
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[ applause ] and as you know, these hillary e-mail scandals brought anthony weiner back into the news. you know this whole sexting scandal thing. here's a question nobody is asking. anthony weiner is jewish, right? right? so, this -- this scandal make him a hebrew national weiner? [ laughter and applause ] see what i'm saying? i mean, these are things -- [ cheers and applause ] but it's all about the economy. here's how bad the economy is. this week for trying to join isis. did you hear their excuse? they said, hey, nobody else is hiring. that's how bad the economy is. the economy is so bad, ford's come out with its annual list of the 400 richest americans and 200 of them have moved back in with their parents. that's how bad the economy is. [ applause ] jimmy, the economy is so bad, in beverly hills, i saw a woman tanning using the sun. that never happens. the economy is so bad that the today show, kathie lee and hoda
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i've never seen that. i've never seen that before. the economy is so bad in l.a., women are marrying guys for love. that's how bad it's gotten. [ applause ] that's how bad it's gotten. >> jimmy: i got one, i got one, i got one, i got one. [ cheers and applause ] the economy -- the economy is bad. >> how bad is it? >> jimmy: the economy is so bad -- >> yes. >> jimmy: anthony weiner is faxing people photos of his junk. >> he's using a fax machine. >> jimmy: the economy is so bad, pat sajak had to take out a home loan to buy a vowel. >> to buy a vowel. [ applause ] the economy's bad. >> it's so bad. >> jimmy: the economy's so bad, the obamas just listed the lincoln bedroom on air bnb. >> that's bad! [ applause ] >> jimmy: the economy is so bad, instead of paying for heat, people are huddling around exploding samsung phones just for the warmth. >> yes! >> jimmy: that's how bad -- jay leno, everyone! >> jimmy fallon everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you.
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give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ? ? >> jimmy: all right. thank you. how fun was that? the great jay leno. >> steve: jay leno, come on. >> jimmy: how great was that? [ cheers and applause ] oh, he was great. [ cheers and applause ] guys, it is monday. we are very, very happy to be back. we have a big week of shows coming up. tomorrow night, our pal whoopi goldberg will be here. [ cheers and applause ] plus a performance from lecrae. then later this week, vince vaughn, benedict cumberbatch, dana carvey, and alicia keys will all be joining us. it's going to be a great week. [ cheers and applause ] but first, tonight, this is a a great show tonight. this guy is obviously the best,
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at 10:00 p.m. on cnbc, the one and only jay leno is here tonight. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's fun. it's fun having him here, yeah. plus she's starring in two new movies, "the birth of a nation" and "almost christmas," gabrielle union is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] we love her as well. and we have great new music from big sean is here. [ cheers and applause ] love big sean. happy halloween, dude. >> steve: happy halloween, brother. >> jimmy: do you like halloween? no, your kids are done. >> steve: yes, elliot did. >> jimmy: oh yeah? what was he? >> steve: he dressed like a a gorilla with a suit. >> jimmy: like a gorilla businessman? >> steve: yeah, a gorilla businessman. >> jimmy: winnie and frances, they're 3 and 2, and winnie -- they both wanted to be butterfly. [ audience aws ] butterfly. i'm a butterfly. i'm a butterfly. and then winnie's making this thing, she makes a new face now.
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[ light laughter ] and i go, what's that face mean? she starts laughing. it's because she's not sure. she says, i don't want to be butterfly. and my wife had been making this butterfly costume for months, so you're going to be a a butterfly. yeah, i don't care. no i don't want to be butterfly. i go, "what do you want to be?" she goes, "i want to be dragonfly." [ laughter ] she wants to be a dragonfly. so we put a tail on the back of the butterfly. >> steve: exactly. >> jimmy: get out there. >> steve: dragonfly. perfect. [ laughter ] we live in a -- >> steve: wow. just came off the top of your head. just your thoughts. you were thinking this. >> jimmy: guys, let's just admit it. we live in a brand-driven society, name recognition is everything. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: the problem is, what makes a good name for one thing might make a bad name for something else or make a great name for something else. with that in mind, it's time for a segment we call "good name, bad name, great name." [ cheers and applause ] ? good name bad name
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>> steve: good name, bad name, great name. >> jimmy: exactly. first thing -- here's an example. >> steve: alright. >> jimmy: "inferno." >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: okay? in theaters now, that's a good name for a tom hanks movie. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it's a bad name for a a jock itch medication. [ laughter ] and it's a great name for a a samsung phone. >> steve: oh, i see. >> jimmy: do you understand where i'm going? [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: almost. i almost got it. >> jimmy: let me give you another example. >> steve: okay, good. >> jimmy: next up, we have five guys. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: that's aoo for a burger place. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: bad name for a a gynecologist office. [ laughter ] great name for donald trump's african-american supporters. [ laughter ] do you see what i'm saying? >> steve: almost. >> jimmy: good name. >> steve: good name -- >> jimmy: bad name. >> steve: bad name. >> both: great name. >> steve: give me one more. >> jimmy: i'll give you another example. here is "funny or die." that is a good name for a a website. it's a bad name for a comedy club. it's a great name for a comedy club in north korea. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: bombing means something totally different. >> jimmy: totally different in
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after that, we have biggie smalls. that's a good name for a a rapper. it's a bad name for a bra company. [ laughter ] great name for a sitcom starring shaq and kevin hart. do you see what i'm saying? [ cheers and applause ] i'd watch that. i would watch that. >> steve: i almost get it. >> jimmy: next, we have huffy. >> steve: huffy. >> jimmy: that is a good name for a bike company. >> steve: bike company. >> jimmy: bad name for a paint store. [ laughter ] great name for me on the treadmill. >> steve: there you go. [ cheers and applause ] i'm going 2 miles an hour. >> jimmy: finally, we have "what now?" well, that's a good name for a a kevin hart stand-up special. it's a bad name for a parenting book. [ laughter ] great name for the day after the election. there you go. that's all we have for "good name, bad name, great name." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with jay leno, everybody! come on back.
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>> jimmy: we are joined right now by one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time, also one of the greatest "tonight show" hosts of all time. season two of his cnbc series,"jay leno's garage" returns next wednesday, november 9, at 10:00 p.m. please welcome back to the show, jay leno! ? [ cheers and applause ] jay leno. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: good to see you, thank you for doing this. >> thanks for having me on. >> i appreciate you doing that bit. how was your halloween? are you having a happy halloween? >> you know, with the candy, and the costumes, i just worry a lot of kids are missing out on satan, you know? it's so commercial. >> jimmy: it's so commercialized now. >> that satan has been left out of it. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: they're forgetting the whole point. >> it's all candy and costumes
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down a notch and get back to the animal sacrifices and, you know, some of the other --. >> jimmy: that's real thoughtful of you. >> yeah, you know what i'm saying? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> we just have to keep it in perspective. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. we were talking backstage. i want you to tell this story if you don't mind, because i was telling you about -- we were talking about cars. people must bring up cars all the time to you. >> yeah. >> i said i could have bought a a car in high school, but i bought a laser disk player because i thought that was going to be the future. [ laughter ] i know. we're so different. i know, but then you said how you bought one of the first vhs, video tape things for your mom. >> no all it was, was my parents came out to visit when i moved down here in the '80s my parents came out to visit me, so i had just gotten a vhs recorder. and my mother's from scotland you know but she doesn't like material things. oh, jay, you can record the program. isn't that something -- you can record the shows whenever you want. oh, that's quite a machine. [ light laughter ] i said, mom, i'll get you one. no, no, it's $1,200. no you're not buying one.
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$1,200. i won't take it, jamie. i won't take it. i won't take it. i said, all right, don't worry about it mom. so then i tell a white lie, okay? couple weeks go by because i know she wants it and i call my mom and i say, a friend of mine's got an electronics store he's going out of business. he's selling all his machines for 50 bucks apiece. you know. she goes, $50, is that true? $50? i says, yes. oh, all right, if you want to spend $50 on your mother, that'd be fine. you can, i don't want you spending-- i said, ma, it's only $50. give me a break. i buy the machine, i ship it home, great i figure i've done a good deed. okay, two weeks later, get a a letter from my mom with a a check for $200. i need four more for the neighbors. [ laughter ] no good deed. and this is not-- and this is not the end of the story. anything technical is, you know, so i send the vcr and of course they don't know how to program it. i said ma i'll be home in a a week. i'm working in new england. i fly home, okay i get a list of all her shows, "murder she
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all the shows there. oh, jamie, it's a wonderful thing, i can watch my programs whenever i want. a wonderful thing. okay ma. enjoy. i go back to california, i wait a couple days. mom, how you liking the vcr? it's not working jamie, i don't know what's wrong. it's not recording. it's not recording? no it's not working. i said, all right, well look, i'm home again in about ten-days. and i go back okay. let me give you the list. "murder she wrote," "cannon,""barnaby jones." you know. i put them all in,you know. there you go. you're all set now. she says oh thank you jamie, what a wonderful thing you've done me. okay, fine, i go back to ca it's not working again. i said, what are you doing? i'm not doing anything, jamie. i can't figure out. i said, well maybe we got a bad one. look i'm not home for a month. just leave it. and i'm thinking, what can i do? so i'm back home, i get all the thing and put all the shows in i said, mom, are you touching it? are you doing anything? i'm not doing anything jamie. i mean, i unplug it at night to save electricity. [ laughter ] so there's the problem. you know. >> jimmy: that sounds like my mom. >> that little red light
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it's not -- it's not a thousand watt bulb. it's a penny every hundred years to run that little thing yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: when you come to new york, do you like coming here? you're not a new yorker. >> i was born in new york. but you come back and you forget the new york attitude. i'm at the deli, right around the corner here and there's a a line of people and i buy something for 7 bucks and i give the guy a 10 and he gives me two ones and a five and i go, oh, you made a mistake. i didn't make a mistake. in my favor. you gave me too much money. i'm telling you, i didn't make a mistake. [ light laughter ] i said no you gave me two ones and a five instead of two ones and a-- he goes, i know, but i didn't put the fives in with the ones. i'm not the one who did that. and then the guy behind me goes, hey, jerk, just take the money, idiot. [ light laughter ] okay. so now i'm like, no. guy goes -- i'm telling you, i didn't make the mistake. alright fine, fine. it's like a nightmare. like a nightmare. and then i have another thing
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and here you go. and i give them the money and i go, thank you. the guy says -- i said, thank you, and he turns his back. i said, well, don't say thanks. the guy goes, uh it's on your receipt. oh, yeah, here it is. [ light laughter ] how foolish of me. how rude of me not to realize it was printed here. how stupid am i. >> jimmy: yeah. well, i said well you're welcome. >> i should have realized. i should have read my receipt where the little thank you is printed up. yeah.yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. i want to say so much more i we have to take a break, but more with jay leno after the break. [ cheers and applause ] ? ?
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break your legs. now they take your 401(k). it's different. it's different. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's trickier now. >> they're trickier now. you lose everything. but in the old days, i once worked a club in boston. i go out on stage and i'm on stage, and there's a ruckus, hey, what's going on here. everything okay? and i hear [ scream ] and i go, what's going on? they go mr. lenos it's just a a disruptive customer mr. lenos. no problem. >> mr. lenos. >> mr.lenos. [ laughter ] >> excuse me. >> it's fine. i said oy. out what happened. and i said, well, billy the bouncer, he's this guy in front of a pole the guy doesn't like his seat. he starts complaining so billy takes a knife out, stabs the guy in the leg, and then gives him 20 bucks and puts him in a a cab and tells him to get lost. [ light laughter ] so i find all this out after the fact. fine. alright, fine. i'm only here for the weekend. fine. six months later i get a call, hey, jay, tony. hey, tony, how you doing. hey, listen remember billy.
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>> what do you mean he helped me? remember the guy was making noise at the club, billy helped you. no he didn't help me, he stabbed the guy. [ light laughter ] he goes yeah but that helped you right? i mean it got the guy to shut up. [ laughter ] i said well what do you want? he goes, well, billy killed a a guy and now the cops are hassling him. [ laughter ] and i said, gee, you think the cops would go after real criminals instead of picking on guys like billy and this guy goes, yeah, tell me about it. [ laughter ] i said i can't help you. he stabbed a guy. well he helped you. he didn't help me. he stabbed a guy. >> jimmy: that one time he helped you out. i'll never forget that. >> he did you a solid, man. >> jimmy: he did you a solid you owe him forever. >> you won't help him now that he's in prison for stabbing and killing a guy. yeah. >> jimmy: let's talk about the show, "jay leno's garage." it's coming back november 9th. >> right, right. >> jimmy: cnbc. fantastic show. if you haven't seen it, you're going to love it. it's well done. >> if you have a laser disk player, you might not enjoy it,
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and we do have some celebrities but we don't talk about your cocaine bust, or the bad movie. it's just the cars. the motorcycle whatever. >> jimmy: you just have bad cars, yeah. >> yeah and it's a lot of fun, actually. >> jimmy: i love it. you had seinfeld on there, brad paisley, kendall jenner. >> we had caitlyn on, too. >> caitlyn jenner came on as well. >> and she's a real race car driver. it's hilarious. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, she's very competitive. i knew her when she was bruce. i've known her since '76, and the competitive thing is still -- it's just caitlyn now, but it's say, well you don't care about losing, right? well, no-- >> jimmy: don't tell me that. very competitive. >> very competitive. >> jimmy: you had joe biden on, which i loved, because it's a a very interesting, the ending is, well, we'll just set it up. but he has this corvette? >> no what it was -- yeah. he got a corvette for a wedding gift, and he's had it since 1967. the show was about people's love affair with a car, a car they had their whole life, you
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whatever. and joe's was the fact he's had this car since 1967, but being in the seat with, around the vice president, you're not allowed to drive. so we took the car to the secret service test ground, test area. they have hundreds of miles of tracks there and roads where they simulate stuff, and where he could, and he was really going fast. and we brought in colin powell to race him in a corvette. and they really start trash talking each other. >> jimmy: it's the best thing ever. >> and they almost crashed into each other. the secret service goes, slow get out of there. slow them down. >> jimmy: i loved it because i did not see the colin powell part of it coming at all. >> take a look, take a look. >> here's jay leno getting taken for a ride by vice president joe biden in his 1967 corvette. here ya go. >> do you realize this is only the third time i'm getting to drive this in seven years. >> is that right? wow. okay. >> third time. >> you gotta to use them. that's the whole point. >> i know, i know that, but secret service doesn't let me. >> and you're the original owner of this car. >> original owner. august 1967.
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>> well, i do. i mean i buried this. you know. when i was younger. >> you've had this to a hundred and sixty. >> yep. >> jimmy: go, joe biden. [ cheers and applause ] go, joe biden. always great to have you on. i appreciate everything you always do for me. oh, i love you. "jay leno's garage" retuyns next wednesday at 10:00 p.m. on cnbc. gabrielle union joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ rs
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? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest currently stars in the film "the birth of a nation" starting next month. you can catch her in the new holiday movie, "almost christmas," in theaters november 11th. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome gabrielle union.
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welcome back to the show. this is kind of fun because your first "tonight show" appearance was with jay leno. >> jay: that's right, i was her first. >> jimmy: oh my god. [ light laughter ] what do you remember about him from the show? >> you know what, i just being a little overwhelmed because it's jay leno. and i get up on the stage and there was sean connery, and he was, like, we should slow dance. like, yes, we will. >> jimmy: mr. bond. >> yes we will mr. bond. i might have copped a feel. i don't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't know. you don't have to tell me. happy, happy, happy birthday, belated birthday. >> thanks. >> jimmy: when was it? >> saturday. >> jimmy: wow. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and you always have big fun parties.
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snapback and sneakers. so you had to wear a snapback and some sneakers, anything to promote dancing. >> jimmy: there you go. that's you right there. is that chance? >> that's chance. [ cheers and applause ] and my husband. >> jimmy: husband. >> yes. >> jimmy: d. wade. how are you liking chicago? >> you know what, i love it. and the food, the food in chicago. >> jay: best food town. >> oh my god. >> jimmy: it really is. and how about all the excitement with the cubs now? >> it's an even white sox fan, like, die hard white sox fan. it's like go cub, it's a big deal right now in chicago. >> jimmy: oh, they love the sports, yeah. have you been to wrigley? >> i have. i have. we went during the last playoff series against the dodgers. >> jimmy: it's amazing, right? >> yeah and the best part is the dessert cart is everything. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't know that. >> it is everything. >> jimmy: the dessert cart? >> yes, it comes around like fifth inning and i'm like, hold on. hold on. >> really? >> they have this thing called a rainbow cake that's so good. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. i've never been. i'm dying --
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for sports in chicago. i also love christmas movies, holiday movies, "almost christmas," jb smoove being so funny in it. oh my gosh! >> jb, mo'nique. >> jimmy: mo'nique is great as well. >> john michael higgins, iggins. dc young fly, it's so many funny people. >> jimmy: and you want to set up the movie at all and tell the people what it's about? >> this clip is -- it's the first christmas back with our whole family after the matriarch has passed away and there's a lot of shenans going on and perhaps i have invited my sister's husband's mistress to dinner. as you do. as you do. >> jimmy: you get in a lot of trouble. >> jay: it's christmas. >> jimmy: after all, it is christmas. >> jay: time to forgive. >> jimmy: yeah. also in the movie, they're trying to recreate this sweet potato pie recipe that they can't, they can't replicate. i never had a signature dish. i don't really know how to cook. >> we do candied ham in our house. we're from nebraska.
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but yeah, the art of the candied ham, is like a time honored tradition. >> jimmy: oh really? what's the secret? >> i developed my own. it's with, i use coca-cola, brown sugar, and pineapple juice. as a glaze. it's super healthy. >> jimmy: it's healthy, yeah. >> i'm pretty sure it's gluten free. i'm pretty sure. [ light laughter ] >> jay: diabetes ham. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, if you're in chicago, have you been to mr. beef? >> no. >> jay: oh, that's my favorite joint. mr.beef on orleans. >> there's an easy joke here >> jimmy: no, no, no. it's not a -- >> jay: you're not going a get a kale salad at mr. beef. >> you will not get, no. yeah. >> there's all kinds of things i want at mr. beef but i don't think it's food oriented. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you know what's weird is that i went -- that's a different mr. beef. that's not on orleans. you got to go to the food, the restaurant. i found out, i heard it's got this great sandwich there, and
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tonight show" and i was visiting affiliates in chicago and so i walk in, and there's an autograph of jay leno on, like --. >> jay: it's my restaurant. >> jimmy: i walk in, it's 100 pictures of you there. >> jay: well. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i would say seriously. like the guy was like, oh, yeah, we love jay. he's great. he, like, slept on the floor on night when he was doing stand-up. >> jay: yeah, yeah. we go way back. it's a very funny place. there's no tables, it's just a a joint. it's the bbe delicious. >> and i like beef. >> jimmy: well, here you go. >> too easy. it's too easy. >> jimmy: it's too easy. this is for you. i got one for you as well. >> jay: a sandwich flown in from chicago. it's gotta be delicious. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it got here last week. the microwave is working again so we figured we'd get it all. >> come on. [ cheers and applause ]
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it's so good. shout out to mr. beef. love those guys. >> jay: don't talk with your mouth full. >> jimmy: sorry about that. i want to show everyone a clip here from your movie. here's gabrielle union in "almost christmas." check this out. enjoy. >> why would you do that? >> why would i do that? why would you do that? >> what are you talking about? break up a happy home? >> obviously it's not that happy if you are banging the cashier from theig dinner with your sister. who does that? >> who does what? >> who puts paprika in potato salad? who does that? >> everybody. >> not my family. we don't put paprika on potato salad. we just don't do that. >> okay, lonnie, you're being ridiculous. come on. >> i'm going to talk to your sister about the potato salad. >> okay, we're in the middle of christmas dinner. you can talk to her later. come on.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gabrielle union, "almost christmas" is in theaters november 11th. we'll be right back with a a performance from big sean. [ cheers and applause ] ? inside the rack houses of jim beam thousands of barrels lay silent that only comes from being aged four long years at jim beam our history is made from the inside how will you make yours? now try jim beam apple poured over ice and serve with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge to make a crisp, refreshing jim beam apple and soda. at planters we know how to throw a remarkable holiday party.
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aflac! learn about one day pay at blurlbrlblrlbr!!! ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, thank you, guys. what a fun show. guys, check us out tomorrow night, coming to talk about her new line of holiday sweaters, whoopi goldberg has her own line of sweaters. [ cheers and applause ] some of them -- one of those, you know, those holiday sweaters. i that -- that's the way to describe them. yeah. they're -- they're like christmas trees with, like, these -- some of them have batteries in them. yeah. and like it's -- well, we'll talk to her about that. we also have music from lecrae. it's going to be big tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] then later this week, we have vince vaughn will be here. oh, we love vince vaughn. benedict cumberbatch will be here. [ cheers and applause ]
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love you. [ cheers and applause ] but first, he is a grammy nominated multiplatinum rapper who is debuting brand-new music with us tonight. performing "bounce back," give it up for big sean! ? ? if young metro don't trust you i'm gonna shoot you last night took an l but tonight i bounce ? wake up every morning by the night i count stacks knew that ass was real when i hit it bounce back ? ? you ain't getting checks last night took an l but tonight i bounce back boy i been broke as hell ? ? cashed a check and bounced back d town lax every week i bounce back ? ? if you a real one then you know how to bounce back don't owe nobody ? ? owe nobody always on the damn job i got no hobbies got the city rockin' with ? ? me cause i'm homegrown vibin' out more than my
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leave me lone.? ? me on my own though look i cut that chick off like an edit my daddy a g ? ? it's genetics straight up i heard ya new it's pathetic ? ? ya contract should be shredded took my dogs on a private jet from the public housing ? ? i kept it g yeah one thousand clique star studded like the paramount mountain ? ? everything i do is righteous betting on me is the right risk ? ? even in a crisis i'm never on some switching sides i switch gears to the ? ? night shift blacking out cause i'm enlightened god talk to me in silence ? ? but i hear him every time man thank you god god bless you thank you so much ? ? last night took an l wake up every morning by the night i count stacks ? ? knew that ass was real when i hit it bounce back you ain't getting checks last night took an l ? ? but tonight i bounce back boy i been broke as hell cashed a check and bounced back ? ? d town lax every week i bounce back if you a real one then you know how to ? [ cheers and applause ] ? i woke up in beast mode with my girl that's beauty and the beast though
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only thing that sold out is the seats though never sold my soul ? ? never will never have how dare you stand before me and not respect my authority ? ? if you -- with my glory i'ma drop down and get gory i done did everything expect worry ? ? hella drama my life story faith of a mustard seed i kept growing i knew that this life ? ? was meant for me yea they change up more than wishin' wells karma come around ? ? i'll wish 'em well livin' like i'm on a limitless pill i kill the scene ? ? like i'm denzel crazy like my jacket strapped up look i don't act ? ? but i'll act up brown paper bag like the lunch packed up back back back back up ? or get stomped out with ten feet i'ma always lose my temper ? ? you cannot count to ten me if i lose one i bounce back like two three did with four five ? ? seen court rooms and court sides ain't too many seen both sides ? ? yea -- what you know look i'm takin' back control the under dog just turned into the wolf ? ? and the hunger steady grows yeah i call shots while you call off ? ? never takin' summer or fall off when you stay that committed to it you just fall down ? ? and never fall off last night took an l but tonight i bounce back wake up every morning ? ? by the night i count stacks
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? you ain't getting checks last night took an l but tonight i bounce back boy i been broke as hell ? ? cashed a check and bounced back d town lax every week i bounce back ? ? if you a real one then you know how to bounce back a limit taught me ? ? if you're conceited try again and bounce back the harder you hit the ground the higher you bounce back ? ? it's physics so many problems systematically we call it the system ? ? drug dealers and drug users they both get sentence do the time now every job ? cut to two minutes even if you over qualify living in a cardboard box they bounce you right back ? ? in it got me wondering what politicians do we got politican ? ? it concerns me presidents in debates sounding too personal my bro reached up to life ? ? man damn what happened to to bernie i guess primaries wasn't his primary ? ? to get it in come november let's see if happen again i decided that counting ? ? money never feel as good as counting blessings and a loaded mind is more dangerous than a ? ? loaded weapon
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i decided in this moment ? ? in time right now who the best is i'm the best dom ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: big sean! "bounce back" is available right now. we'll be right back, everybody.
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>> jimmy: my thanks to jay leno, gabrielle union, big sean once again! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. big sean! [ cheers and applause ] ?
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[ cheers and applause ] ? >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- nathan lane. star of "good girls revolt," actress genevieve angelson. tv critics and authors matt zoller seitz and alan sepinwall. featuring the 8g band with hannah welton. ? [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] so wonderful to hear. in that case let's get to the news. today was halloween and right on cue, hillary's private e-mail server came back from the dead. [ laughter ] that's right.
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"i'm not a decoration!" yelled eric trump as he was put back in the attic for next year. [ laughter ] there are just eight days left until the election. so if anyone's still thinking of running, now's the time. [ laughter ] just saying. [ cheers and applause ] after claiming the election is rigged, donald trump said at a rally last week that the country should, quote, "just cancel the election and give it to trump." and then on friday, fbi director james comey said, "okay." [ laughter ] according to a new poll almost 76% of people think the media wants hillary clinton to win the election, which is just crazy. think about it. if hillary wins, nobody's going to want to watch the news. e-mail hearings, droning speeches. but if trump wins, the news is going to be like an action movie


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