tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC November 9, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
anthony weiner's laptop too. >> guillermo: jimmy, you're crazy, you cannot burn all of this. >> jimmy: i have to. it will set us free. >> guillermo: i cannot believe it's over. >> jimmy: it's over, guillermo. and i'll tell you something. no one will ever build a wall between us. >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. >> jimmy: let's go do the show. >> guillermo: let's go do the show. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: from hollywoodit tonight, robert de niro. co-host of the amas, gigi hadid. and music from willie nelson. and now, for the most part,
[ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: very nice. appreciate it. welcome. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. i have to tell you something. i had the weirdest, weirdest dream last night. remember that guy who used to host "the apprentice"? i dreamed we elected him president. and you were there, and you were you weren't there. [ laughter ] cleto, you weren't there either and your father wasn't there either. but everyone -- wow, what the hell happened? the hats worked. those stupid hats. those hats that looked like they were printed at a kiosk in the middle of a westfield mall. turns out they were magic, like frosty the snowman. last night donald trump reached out and grabbed america by the -- virginia. [ laughter ] to somehow become president of the united states.
i don't want to spoil it. [ laughter ] should have said spoiler alert. i watched news coverage all night last night. it was especially interesting to watch the change in tone as the night progressed. they started out upbeat. as the evening went on and the results came in, every anchor looked like a child slowly realizing that no one was showing up to his birthday party. [ laughter ] it was a big surprise. i think it was even a big surprise to donald trump. did you see his victory speech? he didn't want this. he wanted to win but he doesn't actually want to be [ laughter ] this was not the plan for the remainder of his life. his plan was to go home to miralago, play 5,000 rounds of golf, phone into trump tv every morning for ten years, then die on the toilet. that was his plan. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there's no way he thought he was going to -- there's just no way even he thought he was going to win this. he totally wrote that victory speech on his hand 30 seconds before walking out. did you see his son? his little son baron on stage?
there's his son. it's very cute kid, but it looked like they told him he was going to have to move away from his friends two minutes before they pushed him out on the stage. [ laughter ] he's not excited about any of this. trump won the electoral college by a fairly wide margin, even though hillary clinton won the popular vote. turns out it's not a popularity contest, folks. it was a stunning upset. i think in hindsight, i think the problem for hillary was -- it's easy to s she didn't have enough celebrities supporting her. [ laughter ] that really was -- so many people said they'd move to canada if trump won. all over hollywood today, movie and tv stars were googling, is there gluten in pouti in. e? hillary underperformed among women, african-americans, hispanics and young voters. really the only place she did very well was among pollsters. she's polls, all these polls,
"washington post," bloom bearing, reuters, they all had hillary clinton ahead. they were all completely wrong. they should shut that fivethirtyeight.com down. that website should be closed in disgrace, like abu ghraib. turns out these poll numbers you're refreshing in your browser constantly are no different that those experiments where they make hamsters ring a bell for a dropper full of sugar water. it's meaningless. nate silver has been downgraded to nate bronze. the only poll that got it r even that, predicting who's going to be president is like people who tell you they know what sex your baby is going to be. these women are like, it's a girl, i'm telling you. yeah, there are only two choices so it's not exactly a leap. give me some lottery numbers that will win, we'll talk. we thought we were having a girl. and we got a boy instead last night. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] one thing i do know is i'm never
somehow i feel like this is all ken bone's fault, right? actually, we do know where the scales tipped. let's go now to our magic wall to show you how it happened. come over here and i'll explain the whole thing. [ cheers and applause ] this is the united states of america. so let's take a look at the state of california. okay, we'll zoom -- okay. where where'd it go? zoom in on l.a. county. let' hollywood. you can see that's hollywood. and let's zoom in even close over hollywood. okay. now this is our theater. [ cheers and applause ] so that's us. and let's zoom in even closer now here, because now this is -- you see this guy? this is the guy who tipped the scales in favor of donald trump. right there.
this election really divided people. even families. this is a good indication of that. cnn caught up with a couple in line to vote in pennsylvania who when it came to politics seemed to have irreconcilable differences. >> why are you voting for donald trump? >> he's the best there is right now. come on, we need somebody strong, we need our country that can be our country again and not owing all the other countries. >> aren't you excited for the first female president? >> no! >> i am. >> jimmy: someone slept on the couch last night, i'm just not sure who. a lot of voters woke up this morning happy donald trump won the election. the other half of them, especially in california, were very upset, shocked, despondent, crying. there was a lot sorrow in the air today. and it's natural, when everyone goes through this sort of thing at some point, we're not so different. so i thought it might be helpful to take you through what they
stage one is of course denial. as in, no, the host of "celebrity apprentice" is not our president, he can't possibly be cnn must have the map wrong, they must have missed a county or something, wolf blitzer, please tell us you missed a county! but of course wolf didn't miss a county. he's wolf, he doesn't miss counties. and then when denial passes we move to stage two which is anger. who do i blame for this? bernie supporters? the fbi? gary johnson? jill stein? how is it boss that i believe half the country was even vote? they all managed to play pokemon go. then you go on facebook and you curse at the uncle you used to love when you were a kid. when that's done, the next stage, bargaining. maybe this needed to happen to wake everyone up. maybe this is a good thing. maybe he'll only build the wall waist-high to keep short people out. [ laughter ] search for a ray of light that kind of thing. but then depression sets in. stage four.
and start eating peanut butter out of the jar. a whole box of froot loops in bed. rou you wallow until you reach stage five, acceptance. no matter how you feel about it, donald trump is the president of the united states of america, so thank god we legalized marijuana yesterday. [ cheers and applause ] this was a fun moment from election night coverage. live report from democracy plaza where freedom and chaos reigned. >> i want to take you through the crowd here and show you some of the voters. we've got a lot of clinton voters over here. we've got some trump supporters behind us. and what we find is about 50% of this country, 60% of this country, believe that this country will be divided when we wake up tomorrow. and so this is an area -- oh! >> jimmy: he voted for boozeman.
donald trump went to the polls with his wife melania, the news cameras caught him on camera looking. a lot of people speculated that he was looking at her ballot. he wasn't looking at her ballot, he was looking down her shirt. poor melania, i've been thinking about her a lot. she had it made. except for the part where donald trump claimed on top of her between four and seven times a month, she had it made. now she's got to m apartment in new york, she has to host diplomats and spearhead initiatives, she has to hug poor people, which is gross. she can't go to barney's or saks or bergdorf goodman. she'll have to cut back on nannies. this is a disaster for her. bill clinton, he had big plans the moment that air force one left the tarmac, he was ready to celebrate.
russian president vladimir putin. he has some kind of weird long-distance relationship with donald trump. he was quick to congratulate his new friend from moscow today. [ speaking russian ] >> translator: this was so much easier than we thought it would be. [ speaking russian ] >> translator: congratulations to mr. spaghetti hair on his hilarious victory. [ speaking russian ] >> translator: i look forward with him to destroying the mo. he's such a good boyfriend, he really is. we have a strong post-election show for you tonight. the great robert de niro is here. [ cheers and applause ] on a personal note, my birthday is on sunday. and mr. de niro is one of my favorite actors, kind enough to take some time out of his busy schedule to record a special message for me, which i'll share it with you, very sweet.
he's a dog. he's a pig. he's a con, a bull [ bleep ] artist, a muck, he's an embarrassment to this country. it makes me so angry that this country has gotten to this point that this fool, this bozo, has wound up where he has. i'd like to punch him in the face. >> jimmy: oh. well, thank you, robert. [ cheers and applause ] supermodel gigi hadid and music from willie nelson. [ cheers and applause ] a lot happened last night. and there are a lot of questions to be answered. but none of them are bigger than a question that has been presented to me multiple times today. that is, what does the result of this election mean from my historic solo bid for vice president of the united states? and the answer is, it doesn't mean anything at all, because i'm still running. hillary can give up. i don't give up. i don't concede. i run until i win. so i hereby announce that the committee to elect kimmel vice president in 2016 --
will heretofore be known as kimmel for vice president 2020! thank you! [ cheers and applause ] and this time i'm going to sell hats! all right. we have to take a break. when we come back we have legalized marijuana in california for everyone, not just those with a fake doctor's note. and we close out this election "animal house" style so stick around, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ? coming up on "look! famous people!" we catch flo, the progressive girl, at the supermarket buying cheese. scandal alert! flo likes dairy?! woman: busted! [ laughter ] right afterwards we caught her riding shotgun with a mystery man. oh, yeah! [ indistinct shouting ] is this your chauffeur? what?! no, i was just showing him how easy it is to save with snapshot from progressive. you just plug it in and it gives you a rate based on your driving.
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first an update on local politics. in addition to the race for president we had a number of measures and proposition on this bat lot here in california. yesterday we voted to legalize marijuana for recreational use. it used to be -- [ cheers and applause ] -- for medical use only, now it's for recreation. just like michelle obama said. when they go low, we get high. [ laughter ] yesterday, california, massachusetts, and nevada voted to legalize pot. which is very good, especially for nevada. i'm glad they finally came up with a way to cut loose in las vegas. [ laughter ] normally this kind of thing would get a lot of attention. but donald trump's victory overshadowed that decision. even for the people here in california to whom it mattered most. >> [ bleep ]. i may move to canada, [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. they show you what they really give a [ bleep ] about. >> do you understand we just legalized marijuana in california and snoop dogg so is upset he wants to move?
we just legalized marijuana, smoke weed every day. so finally snoop dogg can smoke weed every day. on the ballot, prop 60, which is the one that would have required use of condoms in porn graphic films. that did not pass which is significant because it would have been a huge to the adult film industry. and they have plenty of those already. porn actors will not have to wear how weird would it be if that's the first thing trump overturns? you put these on right now! donald trump may be president-elect but to me the big winner last night was the young man you're about to see. this is from nbc chicago's coverage of a local election there. the victory party that the whole family could enjoy. >> he was ahead in lake county, he was always ahead in cook county, and he ended up pulling out this win feeling very good about this. he talked about the win and the presidential election.
a lot of people felt like that. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the question now is, what's next? trump is expected to meet with president obama tomorrow at the white house. our first african-american president will be forced to pass the keys to a man who questioned his very citizenship, which will be very awkward. at the very least i have to imagine obama will let beau his dog go to the bathroom a few time on this the rug in the oval office. then i guess trump will start building the wall and assembling his cabinet, taking down the paintings of the previous presidents, replace them with portraits of himself playing golf. no matter how you feel about the result of this election, the good news is the election is over. it's done. [ cheers and applause ] finally we can look to the future. what will the future hold for those we've got to know know so well the last 18 months, the characters from this election? nobody knows for sure. fy had to guess, that guess
? well ? and it wasn't her fault! ? you make me want to kick my heels up ? >> stand up, melania, come on she took a lot of abuse. ? ? jump ? >> the price of coal is down worldwide. >> the thing that people tell me is this ? ? say that you love me say that you need me ? >> you look like hillary clinton one of one of those long answers, rrrrrrr! ? come on now i still remember ? >> what do you think you took away from today? >> my luggage!
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>> jimmy: welcome back to the program. tonight you can see her cohosting the american music awards monday, november 20th, on abc. supermodel gigi had with us. [ cheers and applause ] then this is his latest album called "for the good times: a tribute to ray price," the great willie nelson. is it a coincidence that willie is here on the day after we legalized marijuana? tomorrow night, matthew broderick, butch walker and t.i. will be with us. and we have a new show on friday with lin-manuel miranda, ken jeong and 12-year-old albert tsai, and we will hear music from banks.
center honoree and does the best impression of robert de niro of anyone. his new movie "the comedian" opens in select theaters december 2nd. please welcome robert de niro! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: how are you? >> jimmy: i have to say i'm so scared of you. it's almost ridiculous. i spent the whole day thinking about just how this conversation could go south. and i'll be just talking, you'll be sitting there staring at me. [ laughter ] how are you feeling today? >> huh? i'm not feeling good. >> jimmy: you're not. >> no. >> jimmy: that also worried me, yeah. are you still going to punch donald trump in the face?
that. >> i can't do that now. i have to respect that position. though we all know what he -- anyway. you know, i just have to see what he's going to do and how he's really going to follow through on certain things. and as we even see now in a lot of cities, a lot of people are getting very upset and protesting. >> jimmy: but what's the point of that, really? >> i know, i know. >> jimmy: the protesting. he is the do have to -- i'm sure president obama's speaking from his own personal experience when he didn't get a whole lot of support. >> sure. >> jimmy: he's saying, we're all on the same team. >> right. >> jimmy: and occasionally teammates do punch each other in the face. [ laughter ] >> i know. maybe he will. >> jimmy: how many restaurants do you have? >> i have a few around the
>> jimmy: is donald trump allowed to eat in those restaurants? >> that's a good question. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think you could ban him. are you a workaholic? i try to imagine -- i know running a restaurant is a lot of work. even supervising a restaurant group. you have hotels, do you mean hotels? >> a few that we're starting. >> you have a number of hotels. >> a few, more eventually. >> jimmy: right. is it something that spend a lot of your day working on that? >> i'm involved. i am very much involved in them. because i just am. i'm not there in all the detail stuff, day-to-day nuts and bolts. >> jimmy: will you pick the towels, for instance? >> maybe in a certain situation, certain places. >> would you insist on a certain thread count for counter sheets? >> i won't go that far. >> jimmy: okay. do you ever find things in another hotel and go, we've got to get these for ours?
and as far as the menu goes at your restaurants, like if you say i really love a good linguini and clams, and i know this is a japanese restaurant -- [ laughter ] >> well, i have to run that by nobu. >> jimmy: you have not run that by him? you think he'd react well? >> he'd be nice and say sure. >> jimmy: you're also co-directing a musical on broadway which is very interesting. this is chazz palm terry's "bronx tale." >> yes, yes. [ cheers and applause ] movie. >> i'm co-directing it with jerry zax, wonderful broadway director, musical comedy. and so he's really doing the heavy lifting. but i'm co-directing. >> have you work the on broadway before? >> coincidentally, i did a play called "cuban teddy bear" at least 25 years ago in the same theater we're doing "bronx tale."
just a coincidence. >> jimmy: i'd ask if you loved brad way, acting on stage. i assume considering the fact that you've not done it in 25 years that's not your thing? >> i like doing movies. >> jimmy: you like the movies better. do you remember the first time you were recognized as an actor? somebody came up to you, i know you from something? >> you know, the one time -- i was doing -- i was driving a cab around for "taxi driver" a week or two before we avenue, i looked at him through the mirror and he looked back and i could see that for a split second he said, is that? i think it might be? but he didn't say anything and i drove up wherever. >> jimmy: that's some story. [ laughter ] maybe you could call it "uber driver" or something.
you, that you are one-quarter italian, correct? >> yes. >> jimmy: which shock the me. because to me you're like one of the most italian-americans. i realized i am more italian than you are. >> yeah, i didn't know you were part italian. >> jimmy: see, that's where we get you, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] >> where are you from? >> jimmy: brooklyn originally. >> you are. >> jimmy: yeah, my parents are from mishkia, which is an island. not where's your family from? >> a place called ferazanno, near campobazzo. >> jimmy: of course, of course. [ laughter ] you were an italian citizen? >> yes. >> jimmy: did you ask for that? >> i'll probably have to move there. >> jimmy: you might have to move there. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: robert de niro, the new movie is called "the comedian." we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ]
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>> harmony schultz. >> harmony schultz. your parents in a nazi ba barbershop quartet? it's nice to see women laugh. once you can make a woman laugh, then you can make her do anything -- they always say. i don't know if that's true. >> is that what they say? >> it's an old saying. >> like a very, very old saying? >> oh. >> jimmy: that's robert de niro in "the comedian." it opened on december 2nd. you play a like some comedians we can think of got a family sitcom, was known as this wholesome character, but really he was a hardcore, dirty, rough comedian. and he tries to make a comeback. at an older age. >> right. >> jimmy: again, please don't hit me. [ laughter ] but was that fun for you to play a comedian? >> yeah, that was fun. i had an art lesson, i'd been
years. i thought it would be fun to play a comedian. and the script went through a lot of iterations. different directors. finally we started with taylor hackford. and it became what it became. so it was fun to do. >> jimmy: right, yeah. and do you go to comedy clubs? >> no, i don't. i love comedians. >> jimmy: you do. >> some of my -- i have very dear comedian friends. they're great. it's not so easy to do. what i worked on was hard. and i had jessica kearsen helping me, lewis friedman, jeff ross. more of those two, jessica -- >> jimmy: less jeff ross? >> jeff -- >> jimmy: jeff told me he helped you a lot. [ laughter ] >> no, no. >> jimmy: he helped a little bit. now i'm going to have to call jeff. now this is going to be an
favorite comedians? just growing up or whatever. >> richard bellser. billy crystal. bill murray. god, i could go on and on. >> jimmy: i'm trying to imagine you at a comedy club and i'm not having -- when i think of you laughing i think of that scene in "cape fear." where you're in the movie theater laughing like a maniac and people get and up leave, they're so alarmed by it. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: see? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're friends -- i assume you're friends. i don't know what to believe. don rickles talks about working with you. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's somebody from -- you draw from in this situation? >> don, yeah. jackie lemon, don rickles. don is great. >> jimmy: not so much jeff, though. [ laughter ] >> no, not jeff. >> jimmy: jeff who? jeff ross? >> oh, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ]
dellermo here interviewed you a little while back. >> yes. >> jimmy: cdo you remember that? >> i remember that. >> jimmy: i thought we might relive that. i don't know if you know this, we won a peabody for this. >> oh. >> jimmy: were you aware of that? >> no. >> jimmy: it's true, take a look here. >> thank you. for sitting down with me. >> de nada. >> i have a pitch of your movie do you want to set it up? >> set it up? no, you set it up, you're doing a great job. you're mispronouncing the name, of course. but, you know. >> it's not -- killer i-lite? >> that's an "e." shouldn't it be "eh"? >> killer i-lite. >> either way. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is why he wants
when he's getting ready to move to canada. thank you for being here. it is really an honor to have you here. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: "the comedian" opens in theaters december 2nd. be right back with gigi hadid! [ cheers and applause ] ? this is the one. the one from her favorite movie. the one for an adventurer.
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>> jimmy: we are back. willie nelson still to come. "vogue" magazine called guest "the ultimate it girl." they called me that once too. on november 20th she cohosts the american music awards on abc. please welcome gigi hadid. [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: gigi, how old are you? may i ask? >> i'm 21. >> jimmy: 21. did you vote yesterday? was that the first time voting? >> it was my second time being able to vote. i went to a polling place for the first time. >> jimmy: if you're 21, how is it your second time being able
year. >> jimmy: you committed a felony last year. >> no, no -- >> jimmy: it's not on the date, i see. >> i just didn't go to a polling place. >> jimmy: but you were legally allowed to vote? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: because we could have you arrested, you know. >> please don't get me arrested. >> jimmy: okay, we won't have you arrested. i was mentioning that you were the "it" girl. it's not the i.t. girl. >> no, it's a social media kind of thing, i think. i.t. girl. >> jimmy: i see. i was looking at this, you're on the cover of this magazine, you're on the back cover of this magazine, you or the inside cover of this magazine. your foot's on one page -- >> that has to be like a marketing planned thing. >> jimmy: do you think so so? you would know better that in would. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: maybe they ran out of models, i don't know. [ laughter ] when you are -- like for instance, when you're doing this, like what are you
>> okay, so like we don't know what we're walking into. when we get to set. it's just like, okay, so here's the concept today. it's either going to be a white wall background or a running track with a tiger. >> jimmy: they don't give you any heads-up? >> no. this day i was kicking all day. it's not normal kicking, it's like -- something that kickboxing coaches would probably really be ashamed of. they have you kicking like with your foot in the right way so the shoe looks good. chiropractor later that week. >> jimmy: it's photographer kicking. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you are hosting, cohosting, the american music awards with jay pharell. >> i'm very excited. >> tell me about this. are you going to do jokes? do a monologue? >> we had our first meeting today. yeah, i mean, we have a monologue. like i'm just hoping i'm going to be funny. but like that's kind of jay's thing. i'm just really taking his direction. >> jimmy: i see. you're going to let -- but you will be delivering jokes?
>> jimmy: i have a friend named jeff ross. [ laughter ] he's written for robert de niro. although there is some debate about that. you know, i hosted the american music awards. >> and they're huge, huge fans of yours. i was telling them i was going to be here and they were excited. >> the awards themselves are fans? >> yes, the small trophy was saying -- >> jimmy: i hosted it four years in a then after that they had no host for like five years. which is either a great compliment or a terrible insult. >> they never wanted a host again. they're like, we're really into the robot thing. did you hear about the k-pop stars that are performing in their hol grams? people are buying out like stadium tours to go see a hologram. >> jimmy: of k-pop stars? >> they're going to replace you. it's going to be "hologram tonight." >> jimmy: i'm being replaced by
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: what's k-pop? let's start with that. >> korean pop. >> jimmy: i know, i'm pretending, that's one of the things i do. i'm not here, i'm a hologram. >> i know. >> jimmy: your boyfriend is zayn malik from one direction who i hear a lot about. [ cheers and applause ] were you like a one direction -- you're young enough that you might have been a crazed one direction fan. were you one of those one-d people? >> i grew up in a household that classical music producer. >> jimmy: i know your stepdad. >> josh grobe ban. that was the music that i was into. i think we all can name a one direction song that we like. >> jimmy: but no. >> maybe not. >> jimmy: you were not. >> but i love zayn malik solo a lot more. >> jimmy: your mom was on "the real housewives." which show was she on? >> she was on "beverly hills." >> jimmy: i got a report -- >> my mom's here. >> jimmy: she is?
real housewives that's going to throw a martini glass at me? >> she's so mad that i said that, that they turned the lights on. >> jimmy: there's your mom in the headband and the flannel shirt. >> hi, mom! you look great. >> jimmy: is that your mother? wow. [ laughter ] very young, very youthful. >> thank you. she does look great in flannel, though. >> jimmy: i tell you what. i was skeptical about supermodel >> me too, i'm still skeptical. >> jimmy: i feel you're going to do a good job. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i feel you have the right attitude and personality and your mother was a real housewife and your father's producing music. so who the hell knows how it's going to go. i think it's going to go well. it's the american music awards, november 20th right here on abc. gigi hadid, everybody! we'll be right back with will hi nelson! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel
live!" concert series is brought to you by new crown royal vanilla whiskey. vanilla so good. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank robert de niro, gigi hadid and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next but first, his album is called "for the good times: a tribute to ray price," here with the song "heart aches by the number," willie nelson! [ cheers and applause ] ? ? heartache number one was when you left me i never knew that i could hurt this way ? ? and heartache number two
? ? ? heartache number three was when you called me and said that you were coming back to stay ? ? with hopeful heart i waited for your knock on the door i waited but you must have ? ? lost your way now i've got heartaches by the number troubles by the score ? ? every day you love me less each day i love you more
this is a special edition of "nightline." "the day after." >> tonight, president-elect trump. >> now it's time for america to bind the wounds of division. >> one of the biggest upsets in recent political history. >> donald trump heard a voice out in this country that no one else heard. young supporters. >> he's going to bring back many jobs. >> reaction from a loyal trumpette. >> so happy today. >> who's in line for crucial cabinet positions? plus hillary clinton falling short. the trump backlash begins. protesters hitting the streets in cities across the country tonight. >> not my country! >> hillary clinton's stunned supporters wondering what went wrong. >> she was robbed. >> the candidate herself graceful in defeat.