tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 18, 2017 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
tonight's "jimmy kimmel live" is brought to you by sat mitch mcconnell. it's okay, buddy. you did your worst. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- caitlyn jenner. from "landline," finn wittrock. and music from brett young. and now, at this point, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host.
thank you for coming. thanks to everyone. that's very nice. [ cheers and applause ] we are right smack dab in the middle of summer, and that means among other things tropical storms are on the way. there's an especially interesting one working its way through the caribbean right now, tropical storm don. according to the weather channel, tropical storm don is not a threat to the united states. unless it runs for president. then it will be a disaster. [ laughter ] but the funny thing about it is the name of the storm, there's no connection to the president. they come up with these names for these storms way ahead of time. this just happened to be the next name in the rotation. what makes it even weirder is the name may have set for the next big storm in the pacific ocean and i'm not making this up, will be hillary. [ laughter ] tropical storm don and tropical storm hillary. this election is never going to end. [ laughter ] meanwhile, tropical storm don jr. is headed toward russia right
[ laughter ] no one knows why. [ cheers and applause ] did you see that -- there's a mystery. who was the eighth person in the room with donald trump jr. when he -- by the way, i want to call him djtj from now on. [ laughter ] anyway, the person in the room, the eighth person when he met with the russians to try to get dirt on hillary, that person's identity had not been revealed until today. and this is the guy. his name is arakli kavaladze. his first name rhymes with broccoli. that's right. [ laughter ] guess what. he's russian too. i guess russia also has nerds. [ laughter ] i know, another coincidence that he's russian. must be some kind of coincidence record. but arakli, he's known as ike, is the senior vice president at something called the crocus group which is a real estate development company run by the azerbaijani russian oligarch who helped to set this meeting up. his claim to fame, this guy
billion of russian money into u.s. banks and was the subject of a government investigation into money laundering. so happy made in america week, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] i do want to say, to be fair, it was hard for djtj and for jared kushner and paul manafort to know how many russians would be in the meeting because sometimes they hide the smaller russians inside the bigger russians. [ laughter ] and then inside even bigger russians than that. meanwhile, i new poll from monmouth university says there's more support for impeaching donald trump than there was to impeach nixon when the watergate scandal broke. [ cheers and applause ] there you go. he's number one again. [ laughter ] 41% of americans support impeachment for donald trump. that includes president trump himself. he cannot wait to get the hell out of there. [ laughter ]
republican health care bill as of today is dead, which is another big setback for the -- [ cheers and applause ] so this morning the president fired up his little orange thumbs and he tweeted "we were let down by all of the democrats and a few republicans. most republicans were loyal, terrific and worked really hard. we will return." which i think is what gargamel yells at the end of every -- [ laughter ] -- episode of the smurfs. but trump said today the senate should just move on and let obamacare fail without replacing it. which i have to say it's refreshing to have a president who's okay with letting his fellow americans die just to prove his point. >> i am disappointed because for so many years i've been hearing repeal and replace. i'm sitting in the oval office right next door, pen in hand, waiting to sign something, and i'll be waiting and eventually we're going to get something done and it's going to be very good. but obamacare is a big failure. >> jimmy: you know something is
telling people over and over again it's a failure. but anyway, this poor guy's just sitting there holding a pen, waiting for someone to put something on his december tok sign, which is why they call him the master of the deal. and you have to -- ♪ ♪ here comes the scarf guy ♪ look at the size of his scarf ♪ ♪ here comes the scarf guy ♪ look at the size of his scarf ♪ [ cheers and applause ] wave to that scarf guy. ♪ wave back, scarf guy ♪ here comes the scarf guy ♪ here comes the scarf guy ♪ he's got a really big scarf ♪ wave to the scarf guy >> jimmy: oh, thank you. ♪ now jimmy's got his scarf ♪ get up there, scarf guy
♪ wave to the scarf guy ♪ wave to the scarf guy ♪ wave to the scarf guy, yeah ♪ scarf guy ♪ now he's running ♪ waving good-bye ♪ say good-bye ♪ wave good-bye ♪ say good-bye to that scarf guy ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. i have no explanation for that. [ laughter ] that was todd glass the scarf guy, he was here. and not only is the scarf guy -- is he still -- pau [ applause ] cait
[ cheers and applause ] caitlyn jenner is here. here to promote her book "the secrets of my life." which i have to say i don't want to point fingers. feels a little bit similar to my memoir that came out last year. "the seacrest of my life." [ laughter ] kelly ripa will never know him like i know him. anyway, we have much to talk about with caitlyn. as you know, we do our show right on hollywood boulevard, where especially this time of year we have a very eclectic mix of people strolling by. we get a lot of tourists on summer vacation. we also have a lot of unemployed crazy people just hanging around. it's an interesting mix. we thought it would be fun for our pedestrian question so, this afternoon we went on the street, we asked people, are you on vacation or are you unemployed? the way this works is we'll see someone introduce him or herself and then based on that introduction together we will try to guess if that person's on a trip or out of work. okay? you got it? all right. let's play. >> what is your name, sir? >> i'm edgar. >> edgar, are you on vacation or
>> jimmy: all right. is edgar -- take a look at him. on vacation or unemployed? [ audience yells out answers ] >> jimmy: all right! all right. you're scaring me. [ laughter ] let's find out. >> i'm unemployed. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: was it the hair encircling his head that gave it away? [ laughter ] all right. next up -- >> what's your name, sir? >> cory. mcconnell. >> it's the middle of the afternoon. are you on vacation or unemployed? >> jimmy: is cory -- [ audience shouts out answers ]. all right. almost everyone says vacation. all right. let's find out. >> on vacation. [ cheers and applause ] >> where are you from? >> pittsburgh, pennsylvania. >> what do you do out there? >> deliver pizzas. >> and you need aid vacation from that? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i used to deliver pizza. it's very stressful. you get lost. people get mad. all right.
>> tell us your name, sir. >> travis. >> travis, are you on vacation or unemployed? >> jimmy: is travis on vacation? [ audience shouts out answers ] all right. >> on vacation. [ cheers and applause ] >> left the sun block back in the hotel, huh? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that is -- looks like he's wearing a tank top underneath his tank top. [ laughter ] who do we have next? >> what is your name, sir? >> ahmer. >> ahmer, are you on vacation or unemployed? [ audience shouts out answers ] >> jimmy: most everyone says ahmer is unemployed. let's find out. >> unemployed. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. have a good day. >> yep. unemployed. >> what's your field? >> security guard. >> no, no, the field where you sleep. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: at least we got him to close his shirt. i think we have one more.
>> victor, are you on vacation or unemployed? >> jimmy: is victor on vacation or unemployed? [ audience shouts out answers ] the audience is split on this one. is victor on vacation or unemployed? >> i'm unemployed at the moment. [ applause ] >> what kind of work do you do? >> well, i'm an artist, and i would love to do work in voice acting as well because i can make a lot of weird noises including animal noises. >> let's hear some animals. [ horse noise ] >> jimmy: that's actually a good -- pretty good. you know, let's bring victor in here. [ applause ] victor. hi, victor. that's victor, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] victor. i just wanted to get this straight. you're currently in the market looking for a job making animal noises? >> sure. any other noises or animal noises, i guess. >> jimmy: can you do a couple of the other noises that you do? >> sure. i can do a
[ chicken noise ] [ applause ] i can do -- >> jimmy: okay. >> i can do a pig. [ pig noise ] i can do a seagull. [ seagull noise ] [ applause ] my best one is the horse. but i can only do it a few times because i get hoarse. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. we heard the horse. but go ahead and do it again if you like. >> okay. [ horse noise ] >> jimmy: that is good. [ cheers and applause ] well, if anyone's looking for -- if anyone's looking for someone to make animal noises, maybe at a wedding? where would you do this? >> i have no clue. >> jimmy: you have no idea. yeah. well, if anyone needs his service and you can't afford the guy from the "police academy" movies, get in touch. victor, are you on facebook? >> i am on facebook. >> jimmy: find victor on facebook. thank you, victor. good
[ cheers and applause ] we have to take a break. when we come back, we sent my aunt chippy to get the massage of her nightmares, and she hated it. so you'll see that when we come back. so stick around. we'll be right back. ♪ here comes the scarf guy [ cheers and applause ] ♪ he's giving scarfs to you ♪ there goes that scarf guy ♪ do your thing ♪ here comes the scarf guy ♪ wave, wave, wave to the scarf guy ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by nissan.
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the way. first i want to introduce to you a very unusual massage therapist. her name is dr. doc. >> this isn't your typical massage. she's actually biting her client. >> you taste really good today. >> who would endure being bitten like this? plenty including lots of celebrities. dorothy stein says she has sunk her teeth into katy perry, adam levine, simon cowell, and kanye west. >> jimmy: okay. so i saw this, and i thought, who would hate a massage like this more than anyone? and immediately my aunt chippy's name came to mind. so we booked an appointment with dr. dot. we told my aunt she was going to get a massage which she likes to go do. we did forget to mention the biting thing but we figured she'd figure that out soon enough. here now is my aunt chippy enjoying a very unusual massage. ♪ >> hi. i'm dr. dot. >> i'm sal. how are you doing? >> nice to meet you. >> guillermo: i'm guillermo. nice meeting
>> i'm dr. dot. they call me the celebrity masseuse. >> she's rude. she didn't introduce herself. >> that's fine. i can roll. >> i'm very excited because it's a real spa, not like one of those fake front [ bleep ] things and my nephews are actually going to be nice to me. i think it will work out very nicely. maybe she'll make me really feel good. >> all right. let's do this. >> let's go. >> all right. >> guillermo: you're going to feel great. you're going to feel amazing. that's what she said. >> i don't think aunt chippy's going to like the massage. she doesn't like anything. >> when is the last time you had a massage? >> 2,000 years ago. >> much too long. you should at least have one once a month. >> we're from brooklyn. could you imagine me saying to my neighbor i'm going to get a massage? she'd set fire to my house. are you kidding me? >> people from brooklyn are often wound up. they need to relax. >> you should relax now. and know that people from brooklyn, by the way, need massage more than anyone else in the world. >> yes. that's
>> take a nice deep breath in. >> do you think i'll lose any weight? >> shh. >> shh. >> so dr. dot is a famous masseuse who's famous for biting her patients. and aunt chippy doesn't know that yet, but she's about to find out. >> guillermo: she doesn't know? >> no, she doesn't know. >> guillermo: wow. >> we have a better deal. >> guillermo: yeah. >> people from brooklyn love the pizza dough method. >> this is the pizza dough method where i'm kneading you like a big pizza dough. >> you can even take some of the dough off me. >> people in brooklyn love that pizza dough method. they're all about pizza. >> you're making my toes curl. >> i think aunt chippy's going to love my bite massage. it's shocking at first but then after it's the most relaxing thing in the world. i think she's going to like it. >> okay. anytime now. >> oh. >> here we go. hold still. >> what the hell are you
[ laughter ] that's [ bleep ]. you don't bite -- >> that's my bite massage. >> don't bite! >> let me try -- >> no biting! >> i'm not going to draw blood. >> i don't care. don't bite! >> what about a nibble? >> not even a nibble! >> i do this for a living. go in for another bite. go ahead. >> you've got to be kidding me. hey! [ laughter ] >> all right. it is my specialty. what about through the bathing suit? >> did you hear what i said? [ laughter ] no biting. >> okay. no biting. >> i knew it wasn't going to be good. [ laughter ] whenever i'm involved with this son of a bitch it's never good. >> how did she know? >> it's a special method of massage. >> you know what? >> one more bite. >> not even -- [ bleep ]! swear to god. >> you can put your head down. i swear to god i'm not going to bite you again. swear to god. you can knock me out.
>> ah! what the hell's the matter with you? you stupid -- [ laughter ] what is the matter with you people? you sick sons of bitches. >> one more time. come on. >> ah! ooh, i actually left marks there. look. >> i'm an old lady! i knew it was too good to be true. [ laughter ] i don't want you to kiss me. >> guillermo: i want to give a kiss. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: somebody needs a massage. thank you, aunt chippy. tonight on the show we have music from brett young, fin wittrock is here. we'll be right back with caitlyn jenner. so stick around. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by coca-cola. share a coke.
favreau, tiffany haddish, and music from the revivalists. and on thursday, tj miller and music from run the jewels featuring trina. so please join us for both of those shows. our first guest tonight is a record-setting olympic gold medalist, reality tv star, parent of other reality tv stars, and one of the most famous people on earth. her best-selling memoir, is called "the secrets of my life." please welcome caitlyn jenner. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] it's great to have you here. >> my pleasure. you've had every member of my family here. it's about time you had me here. >> jimmy: your daughter lives across the street from me. >> i have stories. >> jimmy: you d h
you have a lot of good stuff to say. >> you just said that kendall lives across the street from you. >> jimmy: that's right. >> if i brought over some binoculars could you kind of spy down on her? i never know what's going on in that house. >> jimmy: can i tell you what's going on in that house? >> please do. >> jimmy: there's a lot of people bringing clothes in and out of the house just all the time. there are so many clothes going in and out. it's like a macy's. >> i can see that. yes. no, kendall's a great kid. >> jimmy: she is very nice. and the neighbors do seem to like her. after an initial bumpy start at the outset. >> i understand. >> jimmy: people were like oh no, what's going to go on here. but it went fine. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i met you a long time ago when i was a radio sportscaster. i think it was like 1996. >> you were a radio sportscaster? >> jimmy: i was. i was on kroq radio. we were at the olympics in atlanta. and you were on the kevin & bean show. i was the sports guy on that show. and we met at that time. >> i never knew you were a sports guy. >> jimmy: i was. it was a big deal for me because i am of the age where -- like you were on the wheaties box. >> i did do all that. >> jimmy: when i was
>> i'm trying to get back on it now. [ laughter ] i don't know. [ applause ] >> jimmy: will you compete in the olympics? >> yeah. maybe i should come out of retirement or something. >> jimmy: why not try out for the olympics? they're going to be here in l.a. it's not even like you have to travel. >> that's true. >> jimmy: i will say it's very unusual. and i don't -- it's the elephant in the room that it's unusual now i'm meeting you as a woman after meeting you as a man. >> well, i have the ultimate double. olympic decathlon champion. >> jimmy: yeah. >> "glamour's" woman of the year award. >> jimmy: yeah. well, congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] no one else has won that. >> i don't want that. and -- yeah. it has been -- >> jimmy: is it strange for you even to think about that in that way? i mean, to look in the mirror and go hey, now i'm where i wanted to be. >> no, i wake up in the morning and i have a feeling of peace. >> jimmy: you do? >> yes. >> jim
[ applause ] >> it's very difficult to go through your life with this. i have met -- i never met anybody else who was trans until i actually came out. i just couldn't out myself. >> jimmy: honestly, you never met anyone? wow. >> not that i knew. i found out i knew a couple that i didn't know they were trans. >> jimmy: wow. >> yeah. but no, i had to keep it a secret. it was a life of secrets. it was a life of hiding. i spent six years in my house one time out in malibu -- actually it was kind of funny. if you notice today on instagram i posted a picture of me -- >> jimmy: i have that picture, yeah. >> do you have that picture? there we go. >> jimmy: yes. >> that was two nights ago. that was to nights ago. >> jimmy: you wrote "working on our duet for dude looks like a lady, one of my favorite songs." >> yeah. [ applause ] i had to. i was at a fund-raiser in minneapolis. and he was the entertainment. and i had met him
briefly years and years ago. but i'm sitting there and i think i've got to go backstage. i go backstage after and i said to steven, i've had some really, really tough times in my life. and i said for six years at one point i stayed in my house and every once in a while i would sneak out, get dressed and go sneak out in the dark and drive around. and i said i always used to take your song "dude looks like a lady." and it was like that became my theme song. driving around in my little car with my little cd in there. >> jimmy: wow. >> whipping up the tunes and stuff. and i said i just want you to know it made me feel good. >> jimmy: what did he say? >> he loved it. he hugged me and said we've got to get together. i said you also ticked me off because back then you could wear your hair long and society said i couldn't wear my hair long. >> jimmy: i want to ask, though, because i'm pretty sure i met steven tyler. i think you're good b. a foot and a half taller than he is. >> yes, i am. i had my heels on. >> jimmy: is he o
or are you on your knees? >> no, i just had my heels on and stuff. but yeah, he was -- he is great. >> jimmy: there is a lot of humor in the book. i know you're talking about driving around, and one of your neighbors caught you driving around. >> it was the one time i could go out that i could get away with anything because it was halloween. >> jimmy: oh, wow. yeah. sure. >> and so i made the excuse -- it was the night before halloween, actually. so i just yelled, i said i'm going to a halloween party. and then i was gone. >> jimmy: and then you were gone. >> i was gone. >> jimmy: were you going to a halloween party? >> no. i was just -- >> jimmy: just out for a ride. >> i did a lot of that. it's -- when you deal with this issue -- every story is a different story. every journey's a different story. i am not a spokesperson for the trans community. i'm only really a spokesperson
platform, which i have, and see if i can make a difference in the world. kind of the last person, i'm a person of faith, and the last thing i had to get through was in god's eyes how does he see me and how am i doing. because every person who's dealing with any issue they always kind of look back if they have any faith whatsoever in their life, they kind of look back and they say, why? why did god do this to me? >> jimmy: yeah. why did god do this to you? >> why has gender and my identity been an issue in my life since i was that big? i don't understand it. and am i doing a good job with it? and i just got to the point where fortunately i had raised ten wonderful children. kris and i, we had gone our separate directions. not because of gender issues but because of other things. and there i was back in malibu all by myself, and so i slowly went through, told all my children. because it had been just hammered all over the media. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> for the longest time. >> jimmy: right. >> in fact, guys like you --
>> jimmy: we didn't know what was happening. >> i know. >> jimmy: we thought you were just vain. >> i know. >> jimmy: we didn't know what was going on. sorry about that, by the way. [ laughter ] >> now he's going to apologize. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i didn't know -- >> but i accept your apology. i don't know if you saw when i was on "jimmy fallon" i gave him a real hard time. >> jimmy: you did, yeah. but he deserves it. he said some really terrible things. [ laughter ] >> he did say some terrible things. >> jimmy: he does that a lot. he's always very hard on people. >> you've always been my favorite. that's why i thought i would do this. >> jimmy: thank you. we're going to take a break. when we come back, caitlyn jenner is here. her new book is called "the secrets of my life." we'll be right back. cindy, you don't even have a dress. no dress. ♪ uh-uh, you're not going anywhere in those rags. ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with caitlyn jenner. finn wittrock and brett young are on the way. so in the book, and i know you've talked a little about o.j., who was a friend of yours many years ago. was o.j. a friend of yours or no? somebody you don't hold in high regard now. >> that's true. >> jimmy: when was the last time you saw o.j.? >> at the funeral. >> jimmy: okay. so o.j. may be
prison on thursday. how great would it be if you showed up and picked o.j. up? [ laughter ] i will go with you. >> would you go? >> jimmy: absolutely. we should go on a motorcycle. i'll be in the side car. [ laughter ] >> there you go. pick o.j. up on a motorcycle with you in the side car, o.j. on the back. do you think that would be appropriate? i don't know. >> jimmy: no, not at all. >> not at all. >> jimmy: but what is appropriate really? >> that's true. >> jimmy: do you regret voting for president trump? >> i don't agree with everything he's doing, but i have always been -- i'm older. i've been -- i grew up in a country where you actually said the pledge of allegiance to the flag at school. [ applause ] i believe in limited government. i believe in the people of this nation, not
and so -- and that kind of makes me on the republican side. and so he was our candidate. i never really outwardly came out and supported him. i supported whoever the republican candidate was going to be. but you know, the press kind of puts you there. and there are some things that i think he's done that's very good. >> jimmy: what? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> on the conservative side if you believe in our constitution i'm glad neil gorsuch for the -- >> jimmy: okay. got you. >> i think is a very good decision. he's lowered regulations in a lot of different businesses to help business get going. i don't want massive regulations. i don't want massive taxes. especially where the highest taxed country -- >> jimmy: not true. incorrect. >> highest taxed corporate tax in the world. >> j
up but i don't want to argue with you over that. [ laughter ] >> and corporate tax in the world. and massive regulations. it's tough for anybody to do business in the united states. and i would like to see the united states the best place in the world to do business. >> jimmy: are you excited about the olympics coming to los angeles? is that something -- >> yes. i think it's great. first of all -- you were in -- were you around in '84? >> jimmy: i was alive, sure. in '84. oh, yeah, i remember lionel richie singing the opening ceremony. >> very good, yes. the city was never better. there was no traffic. it was just fantastic. i drove -- i had to do the opening ceremonies. carry the flag in. and i drove from malibu in the afternoon to the stadium. and there wasn't one bit of traffic on the freeway. i went 65 miles an hour in the afternoon. >> jimmy: were you running or in a car? [ laughter ] >> i was in a car. >> jimmy: because i know you were fast. >> but i was driving myself. i didn't
>> jimmy: you ever get in the back yard and just throw that javelin around? >> never. [ laughter ] i chip in the back yard, work on the game. i chip and putt. >> jimmy: which was the hardest of the events, of the ten events in the decathlon for you? >> a lot of people look at life, they look at it as separate events. but basically it's one big -- it's one whole. and the most difficult thing in the decathlon is not learning the ten technical aspects of the events inside of it. it's how do we become the best sprinter on the same day, the best 1500-meter man, distance man? they're different human beings. how do you become the biggest -- the best shot-putter you can be? on the next event it's the high jump. if you're 270 pounds you can't get off the ground, you can't high-jump. that's the real challenge. how do you become -- >> jimmy: be all-around. >> it's one event. and it's basically strength, speed, and then the technical aspect of it. >> jimmy: it's good to have you here. such an interesting book. it's called "the secrets of my
life." it's available now. caitlyn jenner, everyone. thank you so much for being here. we'll be right back with finn wittrock. [ cheers and applause ] having moderate to severe plaque psoriasis is not always easy. it's a long-distance run. and you have the determination to keep going. humira has a proven track record of being prescribed for nearly 10 years. humira works inside the body to target and help block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to symptoms. in clinical trials, most adults taking humira were clear or almost clear and many saw 75% and even 90% clearance in just four months. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal, infections and cancers, including lymphoma have happened as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms, or sores.
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♪ >> jimmy: still to come music from brett young. our next guest earned an emmy nomination and a love scene with lady gaga on "american horror story." now he co-stars alongside jenny slate and john turturro in the independent comedy "landline," it opens in select cities on friday. please welcome finn wittrock. [ cheers and applause ] by the way, finn wittrock is just a great name. >> thank you. i didn't come up with it. but i'll take the credit. >> jimmy: i assume that was your parents. >> they did. >> jimmy: but in a way it limits you because you can't be like the assistant manager at a did notty's when your
wittrock. you have to be an actor or maybe a private eye or something like that. >> i was kicked out of accounting school. i really wanted to be an accountant. not with that name, get out of here. >> jimmy: you're from a family of actors, correct? >> yes. my dad worked at a company called shakespeare & company in lennox, massachusetts. and i kind of was -- grew up listening to shakespeare and like imitating my -- >> jimmy: did you find shakespeare or did you find it boring when you were a kid? >> i always liked it because i was hearing it all the time. it was never that intimidation factor that comes in later. >> jimmy: your dad would have been upset if you didn't like it i assume. >> my dad kind of wanted me to be an accountant or a doctor. >> jimmy: he did. why? >> i think it was kind of out of the protection you have for your kid. didn't want me to have to deal wall the rejection that a acting -- >> jimmy: what does he think now? i assume he's pretty happy with how it went. >> i caught the bug pretty young. he literally walked into the hospital when i was being born in full
he had told the company that his wife was having a baby and they had like the fastest production of "romeo & juliet" since 1598. they sped through the whole play and -- >> jimmy: only one of them dies. [ laughter ] >> yeah. they skipped right to the end. you know what happens. >> jimmy: you do a lot of live theater, correct? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you did a play with sally field earlier this year. >> just recently. "the glass menagerie." >> jimmy: "the glass menagerie." that's one i heard of. [ applause ] >> it was great. it was a dream come true. >> jimmy: she seems pretty great. >> she's everything you want her to be. >> jimmy: does she ever screw up or is she a perfect pro at all times? >> she's a pro. >> jimmy: do you ever screw up with her? >> no. >> jimmy: you do not. >> we did have kind of an amazing backstage screw-up. it was like show number 90. we had done a whole bunch of shows. and we got
girl playing laura. it's like a four-person play. and the girl playing laura couldn't make it from williamsburg to manhattan because there was a bike marathon and she literally couldn't get there. so they called in the understudy. we're maybe 45 minutes before the show. we're kind of rehearsing some stuff with the understudy, like working over some choreography. and it's like a very -- it's a very scary kind of thing. you know, like you've done the show for so long. and the stage manager is walking around about to tell us what to do next and she bites it really hard on the stage and trips and falls on her like knee, elbow, her head goes into the wheelchair. this is like -- what is going on today? and carrie, the understudy, goes, well, you know, things always happen in three. i'm like, carrie, don't say that. you're the understudy. just do your job. >> jimmy: yeah, really. >> and so we're like okay, so the understudy's going on, we're about to go on to the stage, and we kind of enter in this sort of
alleyway next to the theater outside and the four of us were going to start with the understudy. and the doors are closed. and so it's like four broadway actors like outside the broadway house not able to get into the theater. and we're like this is like birdman. >> jimmy: number 3. >> yeah. this is number 3, obviously. and then this usher comes out and she's the one that's supposed to kind of let us in. but she's kind of like -- she's not feeling so well. like she's a little nauseous or something's going on with her. we're like what's going on with the usher? so we walk into this sort of antechamber. there's a bathroom before we make our real entrance. there's in real smell and the kind of sawdust stuff they throw down when in elementary school like when someone pukes. >> jimmy: like at the circus. >> like somebody puked back here. this is the third thing. then the usher kind of stumbles back in and she's like no, no, that's
somebody let themselves go on the way to the bathroom. >> jimmy: oh. so it wasn't number three. it was number two. [ laughter ] >> yeah. it was number two. right. >> jimmy: and what did sally say? >> we're all kind of slowly getting this and sally says, wait, it's poop? [ laughter ] that's what i'll always remember of sally field. >> jimmy: wait, it's poop. one of her great lines. >> yes, it was. you like me, you like me and now -- >> jimmy: wait, it's poop. tell me about "landline." this is an independent film. jenny slate, who's very funny is in it. john turturro, who's great. >> edie falco. >> jimmy: who do you play? >> i play this guy nate. a bit of a ne'er-do-well. jenny's got a nice thing going on with jay dupe las and i'm the temptation that tries to steal her away. >> jimmy: i see. can you tell us what happens in the end? >> i probably shouldn't. >> jimmy: you should. you should tell everybody in case they don't see it. >>
[ laughter ] one of us gets the girl. >> jimmy: well, it's very good to have you here. the movie's called "landline." it opens in select cities on friday. and then everywhere in the world on august 4th. finn wittrock, everybody. we'll be right back with brett young. [ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing.
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>> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to caitlyn jenner, finn wittrock, and apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next. but first, this is his self-titled album. here with his new single "like i love you," brett young! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ you would've thought you wrote down every word
goodbye spelled out like it ♪ ♪ had been rehearsed and there ain't no point in tryin' to change your mind ♪ ♪ seems like you've got it all figured out you're all right with the way this is goin' down ♪ ♪ don't tell me we could still be friends hang out on the weekends you're gonna be okay ♪ ♪ if i start seein' somebody new you hope that i do it won't be long ♪ ♪ 'til i forget to call every time that i'm drinkin' and you ain't the love song i can't keep from singin' ♪ ♪ i gotta be honest if you really believe that's the truth you never loved me ♪ ♪ like i loved you
♪ ♪ by the way you're talkin' you would think you never had any real feelings for me ♪ ♪ and if you think i could look across the bar and see you in someone else's arms and not need you ♪ ♪ girl, who do you think you are tryin' to tell me we could still be friends ♪ ♪ hang out on the weekends you're gonna be okay if i start seein' somebody new ♪ ♪ you hope that i do it won't be long 'til i forget to call every time ♪ ♪ that i'm drinkin' and you ain't the love song i can't keep from singin' ♪ ♪ i gotta be honest if you really believe that's the truth you never loved ♪ ♪ me like i loved you you always told me you'd never leave me
♪ one and only so what makes you think i wanna hear you say we could still be friends ♪ ♪ no, i don't wanna be friends stop tellin' me stop tellin' me ♪ ♪ whoa, that we could still be friends hang out on the weekends you're gonna be okay ♪ ♪ if i start seein' somebody new you hope that i do it won't be long ♪ ♪ 'til i forget to call every time that i'm drinkin' and you ain't the love song i can't ♪ ♪ keep from singin' i gotta be honest if you really believe that's the truth ♪ ♪ you never loved me like i love you you never loved me like i love you ♪ ♪ you never loved me
♪ [ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, ladies of the fight. >> hookers for health care! >> at the famous moonlight bunny ranch everyone is looking to get some. >> we need to have coverage too. >> health insurance, that is. a group calling themselves hookers for health care organizing against the president's plan to repeal and replace the affordable care act. why this issue is so hot amongst legal sex workers. and does this protest have legs? plus the photo ark. for this world-renowned wildlife photographer a picture is worth a thousand lives. >> oh, man, that's nice. that is nice. >> on the hunt for images of 13,000 s