tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC January 28, 2016 12:37am-1:37am EST
[ cheers and applause ] 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight --ccain. comedian j.b smoove. music from lukas graham.8g band with fred armisen and janet weiss. [ cheers and applause ] ladies andentlemen, seth meyers! good evening i'm this is "late night," how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is wonderful to hear.s. donald trump's campaign released a statement announcing he will's debate saying they can toy with him.
games. a lot more weight if trump hadn't literally hosted a game show. [ laughter ] that was a game. one there was an actual following donald trump's decision to boycott tomorrow's debate. ted cruz says trump is afraid to face moderator megyn kelly, asks him mean questions, his hair might stand on end.laughter ] and that's a sight no one wants to see. only swirled, stacked not on end.nald trump's decision to boycott tomorrow's debate jeb bush told trump to stop whining. although, i think what he meant to say was, stop winning. just stop winning.
stop winning. dr. ben carson said today that although donald trump has announced he will boycott the debate carson wouldn't be then again it's ben carson, he wouldn't be surprised if he was licked awake in the morning by a unicorn. [ laughter ] bernie sanders had a private meeting with president obama well, as private as a meeting with bernie sanders can be. [ shouting ] hello, mr. president.ss the sensitive issues. keep it down, bernie, keep it down -- gotta keep it down ---- keep it down. [ laughter ] it's a one man show i'm doing. poll found that donald trump and hillary clinton have the most recognizable faces of the 2016 campaign. while mike huckabee and
most face. applause ]e advocacy group one million moms has called for a boycott of the new fox show "lucifer" because they believe the series glorifies satan.ning to the shows main sponsor olive garden. wait, olive garden sponsors "lucifer?" i always thought it was the other way around. [ laughter ] that's right one million moms wants to boycott the new fox show "lucifer" because they say it glorifies satan. to which i say, have you not seen "the bachelor?" [ laughter ] wildlife officials in tanzania announced this week that they found a rare, all white giraffe, here's a photo. [ laughter ] german too. [ laughter ] and finally a brooklyn artist is
middle of a gallery. and will invite patrons to sit on a second toilet across from her. the exhibition is called "my worst nightmare."er ] ladies and gentlemen we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be talking to the upcomingepublican senator john mccain. [ cheers and applause ] also from the msg network, "four.b. smoove" comedian j.b. smoove joins us. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll have music from a great danish band, singer/songwriter lukas graham.cheers and applause ] now as some of you might know, i used to work on "saturday night live" and i was an anchor on e." i did it with amy poehler. and one of the favorite things we got to do in that time was something called "really with seth and amy."ays exciting for me to do. and i was very excited to read this in bloomberg politics yesterday.a democratic
he has introduced a bill about flame throwers. bill hr 4009 recently introducedflame thrower's really act. and so i thought, well that can't have anything to do with our really, because really is a use. but, it turns out it is. he even goes on and say, "i'm a big snl fan," said engle.very confident people we let's just do it. thus with the flame thrower's we thought really would make the point, "said engle i was incredibly honored and feeling pretty good about myself. to the very next line the bill hasn committee. [ laughter ] now, what the flame thrower act t making it harder for people to be able to buy flame throwers. it turns out, there's only two states in the nation that have any restrictions on flame oever. you can order them online. they bring them to your house. and obviously it's a big deal to
and he even said at the end of maybe i could appear on his show, he says hopefully we could do it before the primaries, the show is on very, very late, but it's pretty good.er ] let me just say if you want to appear on the show. maybe say it's on pretty late, but it's very, very good.ect what eliott engle is doing, but the only thing i'll say is, the reason i can't have you on the show, i believe it's every 's right to own an operate flame throwers. [ laughter ] and i know people say, but flames. no, people throw flames. to feel safe at night with a flame cause you never know when a japanese world war ii soldier is going to kick in your door. you're going to want a flame thrower. gun control, but not flame throwers.
have a flame thrower. to thank congressman eliott engle for having a really bill, really happy about that.ngressmen. [ cheers and applause ] now, republican strong runner, donald trump has announced that sday night's gop debate on fox news after complaining that fox anchor megyn kelly has been unfair to him. for more on this, it's time for "a couple things." >> seth: first thing, trump has been complaining for months about kelly. but, of course as you saw this is also a trump brag. >> i don't like her. she doesn't treat me fairly. i'm not a big fan of hers at all, i don't care.i might be the best thing that ever happened to her. [ laughter ]s donald trump criticizing someone and then throwing in a compliment for himself. also known as a trumple brag. [ laughter ]
a statement mocking trump which trump said looks like it was ild." and take it from trump, a guy who knows how to write like a child. this is the actual statement he issued announcing his decision to skip the debate. has a personal net worth of many billions of dollars, mr. trump knows a bad deal when he sees one.y stupid highly incompetent people running our country into the ground, mr. trump doesn't play games. now, did trump actually sit down and write that statement or hile power walking on a treadmill. that sounds like a 12-year-old'se movie "wall street." no, more playing games. i'm a big important business maf billions of dollars. now trump's rivals like jeb bush have been attacking him over with some of his supporters, which brings us to a third thing. this isn't going to hurt him with his supporters. they've stood by him through everything.s the straw that's going to break the camel's back? how dare you, sir.
disabled people and veterans but skipping the 7th of a 13th scheduled republican debate is a bridge too far.nal thing, hate trump all you want. but, you have to admit this is a brilliant move. all anyone is going to do for the next day is wait to see if trump will show up.ing for goudeau but spelled like this. [ laughter ] this has been "a couple of things."
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night", everybody. know, the iowa caucus is on monday and every day it seems like there's a bunch of new polls coming out of iowa about the election. and i figured maybe we should get into the act. so, i calledters and tried to try to ask them some poll questions about the upcoming iowa caucus.ook. >> seth: hey, everybody. i'm seth meyers. these are some iowa phone numbers. we're about to do some polling.
"late night with seth meyers" and we're conducting a poll about the iowa caucus. i was wondering if i could record this call? >> no, thank you, i'm not okay, thanks. [ light laughter ] hi, i was calling to conduct a poll about the iowa caucus. voter? [ dial tone ] hello? [ dial tone ] >> no, thank you, i'm not interested. [ dial tone ]egistered voter? >> yes, sir. >> seth: are you a republican or a democrat? >> republican. >> seth: who's your least favorite candidate on the democratic side? >> hillary.oing to name somebody, and you tell me if you would vote for that person over hillary clinton, okay? >> yep. >> seth: vladimir putin? >> no. [ buzzer ] hannibal lecter? >> no. [ buzzer ] >> seth: cruella de vil? >> maybe. [ ding ] >> seth: why do you think jeb bush looks so sad all the time? >> that's a good question. >> seth: yeah. >> i think 'cause he's getting ink. [ laughter ] >> seth: i think that's probably fair. >> just sayin'. >> seth: on a one to ten, how
is? >> oh, my god. yuck.ot interested. >> no thank you, i'm not interested. >> seth: okay. [ phone ringing ] >> hello, please leave a messagee tone. [ beep ] >> seth: cruz, bush, kasich, trump, paul, fiorina, rubio, huckabee? get back to us. [ laughter ] [ phone dialing ] hi, mom, it's me, do you mind if >> no, it's fine. >> seth: okay, thanks. we've been calling people in iowa trying to get them to a poll. polls. >> no. >> seth: do you get called a lot? answer them. [ light laughter ] >> seth: why do you still have a land line? >> that's a good question. >> seth: can i tell you the answer?re comfortable on a land line than on my cell. >> seth: yeah, it's because you don't know how your cell phone works. [ light laughter ] >> exactly. >> seth: would you have a beer
>> oh, sure. would you do cross fit with martin o'malley? >> uh, yeah, i guess so. >> seth: would you eat a honey hristie? >> i might not get much of it, i tell you. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, that would be the fear.d you hillary clinton have lunch with her? >> no. >> seth: what if she paid for lunch and was at the restaurant, but at a different table? >> no. [ light laughter ] what if she's outside the restaurant, she still pays, you can bring a friend? >> no. >> seth: okay, last one. >> she's a crook. [ laughter ] >> seth: okay. well, guess what?ile you were robbing your house. [ laughter ] so, you are very good that you decided not to go. >> the number you have reached nnected or is no longer in service. >> seth: well which is it? [ dial-up tone ] don't put your fax number in the phone book.
i wanted to know how 1995 was. [ laughter ] hi, can i record this call? >> you can record this call, but training. but that's okay. >> seth: what do you mean middle of training? what are you doing? >> my trainer's here? >> seth: a guy? >> yeah. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> seth: handsome? >> yes. >> seth: he is?es. >> seth: okay. good shape? >> good shape? of course he's in good shape. [ laughter ] >> seth: better shape than dad? dad? oh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: all right, have fun with aaron. >> okay, bye. >> seth: can'txt christmas. [ laughter ] [ phone ringing ] >> hello? >> seth: hi, this is seth meyerste night with seth meyers." we're conducting a poll about the iowa caucus. would you mind if i recorded this call? >> sure, that's okay. [ laughter ]felt awesome. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night."
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our first guest tonight was the lican presidential nominee and is currently serving his fifth term as united states senator for arizona. please welcome back to the show, senator john mccain. [ applause ] you? >> living the dream. here you are on late night. >> trying to do the lord's work in the city of satan. [ light laughter ] >> seth: well, you're off to a good start.a good start. >> and with the snowstorm -- >> seth: yeah. >> they were out of session. >> it was will rogers said, no man's property is safe while thession. >> seth: very smart guy. >> he also said, suppose you're a congressman, suppose your an f.
well it's nice to have a good . i have not recovered, i have not recovered. >> seth: i wanted to ask about this. you obviously are from arizona. you're a cardinals fan. we gave them a send off in 73 degree weather in phoenix. >> seth: very nice. >> i'm like that's for the chamber of commerce, and it was can be proud of the players, you and i brald. >> seth: a fine guy. >> one of the really fine athletes and the fine men that i have ever known. [ applause ] do you watch sports? are you somebody that gets vocally angry or do you get sad and quieown the whole game. >> seth: there you go. yeah. i'm sort of that was as well. >> pacing around, yelling.arguably one of the best defensive backs in football, muffed a punt at the wrong time. >> seth: yeah. >> but. >> seth: well it was a great >> great season. we got a great coach, arians. we got a great owner, mike
and the fans we have just tremendous support and so, wait year. >> seth: but here's the good news, football is over.edible competition that's going on, that's going to go until next november, and it's fascinating. [ light laughter ] h: it is fascinating. i have to ask. you obvioulsy went -- >> it's not a contact sport it's collision sport. >> seth: it's a collision sport. [ light laughter ] 2008, does this just feel like at world, in 2016? >> different planet. >> seth: yeah. >> everything's different. >> seth: what, how do you think -- >> is that of me? is that white hair, that little doll? >> seth: this? no, that's stefon. stefon. >> seth: that's a stefon. i'm very surprised. and applause ] i guess from the back stefon could be john mccain. >> with that hair. >> seth: but very different when he turns around. >> anyway.ou think you would be doing if you were running the sort of campaign you ran in 2008? >> not so good.
these men and one woman to break through because trump takes all the oxygen out of the room. so, i think it's very difficult. very difficult.eth: how would you, cause it seems like everyone has tried different tactics through the debates. at the beginning it was everyone piled on trump and then it was everybody tried to make friends with trump and now it seems ng their hair out trying to come up with a strategy to dent his poll numbers. how would you advise people? >> i'm glad i'm not doing that. there's not much left. i think -- it's impossible for me to tell them what to do because i've never seen anything like this. i know in new hampshire the the accepted wisdom was you gotta go shake their hands. you gotta meet them. there's an old joke, there was a guy from arizona that ran, we got a bunch of losers from you know? and he said, a guy from manchester said to the other guy what do you think about moe udall for president? he said "i don't know i only met him twice." and that's funny because it's
conventional wisdom, excuse me, new hampshire, the conventional wisdom was that you had to really let them get to know you.of new hampshire. you can't buy new hampshire. well, trump's winning by whatever it is in new hampshire.here too many -- >> by the way, moe udall, nobody ever remembers him, i loved him. he walked into a barbershop in d said hi, "i'm morris udall from arizona and i'm running for president of the united states, and the barber said yeah we were just laughing about that this morning." [ laughter ] good people. good people. that's my hometown right there you're talking about. so i know very well.saying is its anybody that says he can shoot somebody and still get elected, that's beyond any frame work of politics that i've ever seen.azy thing is that somebody can say that, it's any difference i >> right. you can say anything but it doesn't seem no matter what he says.
for it. were, i feel like 20, 20 flubs back he said about you, he disparaged you as a >> mm-hmm. >> seth: everyone said this is the end of the trump express, lose. when someone like your old running mate like sarah palin supports trump what is your viewat? >> i respect sarah's view and obviously it gave "saturday night live" another boost. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: it's very wonderful. i do think there are slow weeks where lorne calls her up and says, "have you thought about endorsing trump?" [ light laughter ]good if you did. now the other person who is closest to trump is senator ted cruz. you also have a history with him.nce referred to him as a wacko bird, at least once. how do you feel about the party right now that you have a trump and a wacko bird. senator cruz will not
this year in the united states senate, i can assure you of that.s to be what we're hearing. >> he has struck a chord. all of these people struck a chord. both trump, cruz and sanders, oaky?re's dissatisfaction with washington. millions of americans, for a moment of seriousness, millions opped looking for work. the middle class is shrinking at what we define as the middle class. people have not seen any their lives. they haven't, this strikes sanders, the very wealthy and have gotten a lot wealthier. so, you see a frustrthere which then rejects the quote, establishment or elected people.use me, cruz has tapped into that. sanders has tapped into it and of course trump has, you know, and one thing good bernie now brushes his hair. so that's good. >> seth: yes. [ light laughter ] >> so that's good.in the polls. >> i ran into a guy the other day and he said, "i said, who are you for?" i'm for trum he tells it like it is. he's going to make america great
your second choice? he said sanders. you know. [ light laughter ]mean, it's, it's both ends of the spectrum of dissatisfaction. >> seth: he just escaped, the man you were talking to just escaped from an insane asylum right, yeah?hased down the street. >> listen, bernie sanders came to tucson, arizona a couple of months ago and 13,000 people y. i think i have a degree of acceptance in arizona. i couldn't draw 13,000 people toson, arizona and look at how he's doing in the polls in new hampshire now. and it isn't just because he's from a neighboring state.hat vein of dissatisfaction that's on the other end. and so we're in for the most l campaign. and my dear friends if you care, register to vote and vote. it's going to matter. [ applause ]our friend senator lindsey graham dropped out of
you, i would have endorsed him, you endorsed him. now we cannot expect an , is that correct? >> no, it's better for me to stay out of it. look, i've got a challenger in my own race. >> seth: mm-hmm.ng hard for re-election, so. >> seth: if trump is the nominee you support trump? >> i have to support the nominee of the party. look, the world is on fire and s on the united states of america. i think i have some knowledge and expertise on national security.h the next president of the united states.there, of radical islamic terrorists that are trying to harm america and i have to work with whoever it is. that's my obligation.when, be honest, when you watch republican debates do you ever laugh and say i'm so glad i'm not up there? >> yes. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter and applause ] i don't blame you. thank you for being here. senator john mccain everybody. we'll be right back with more "late night."
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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody, please give it up for the 8g band.e ] also, she's been on drums all week. from sleater-kinney, janet weiss, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] sleater-kinney's latest record, the critically acclaimed "no city's to love," available now. thank you for a great week, janet and please come back any time. >> thank you. anytime.e ] >> seth: also fred, very nice work on bass this week. lovely to have you back as well.
>> seth: and one of the great aving fred here, is i get a chance to talk to my friend who i don't see enough. and one of the things we've been talking about is, there's so much good television right now, portlandia season six just congratulations on that. >> fred: thank you. >> seth: and, my problem is, i shows on television, all the good tv shows. fred, on the other hand, says episode of every television show. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: you stand by that? >> fred: oh, absolutely, >> seth: all right, that means it's time for "fred armisen's extremely accurate recap." [ applause ] all right, so i'm going to give you the title of the show and i want you to tell me what happened, according to "tv guide," what happens, what happens on this show, okay? >> fred: of course, yeah. >> set on pbs. >> fred: oh, yeah, "mercy street." [ light laughter ] that's this old king, this swedish king, and it's olden times. is just old bricks and old streets and an old castle.
ornate.laughter ] and the king is there, and he's, so he's got this kingdom and nothing is going on.ll these other kingdoms. he's like, oh, my god, there are wars everywhere, there's so much going on. there is nothing going on in this kingdom. so all, the people whoke, what do you want us to do? and he's like, i don't want you to do anything, you know. [ light laughter ] i'm just commenting on the other kingdom. [ light laughter ]ay something. there doesn't have to be an ending to it. and they were like, they were like, oh we couldn't tell if you n you say something. that's your command to have a go, you know, do whatever. and he's like, well this is not one of those times.er ] and they're like, so they go, you know what, we're gonna leave you, we're gonna leave you for a little while. you need some time alone obviously. and he's like, i'd appreciate that.pplause ] yeah.s "mercy street." >> that's "mercy street."
guide", "mercy street" is a show set in hospital in virginia. >> fred: that happens. [ laughter ] >> seth: that also happens? >> fred: that happens, but no. but, yes. >> seth: all right. fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: you guys our next guest tonight is a very funny comedian, one of the funniest.r his role of leon black on hbo's "curb your enthusiasm." you can currently see new es "four courses with jb smoove" on msg network. he'll also be heading carolines on broadway this thursday through saturday. please welcome tur favorites, jb smoove. [ cheers and applause ] eth: you look good. >> hey, man, you look good,
i watch you every night, man. you are doing an amazing job. >> seth: thank you, buddy. >> you are still the man, and fred's okay too.s okay too? [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: but now, you, you look like this, and you just had a big birthday, you just turned 50.ty is still going. >> seth: your party's still going. >> it's still going on. you know what, it's carrying over. >> i had a classic man -- >> seth: yeah, tell me a little bit about what your plan was. >> i planned to have a throw back party. >> seth: uh-huh. >> my party was a classic man's burlesque casino party. >> seth: okay. it was amazing. >> seth: this is what you actually wore, this is your actual outfit? >> that's my, that's my outfit. custom made, velvet leather, notjacket. my wife and i saw -- >> seth: you and your beautiful wife, she's fantastic. >> saw it, looked beautiful.ack. see that car right there? >> seth: yeah. >> that's an old car. it leaks oil. it leaked oil. >> seth: it leaked oil? >> oh man, oil everywhere. >> seth: it was, is that oil?ur times, man. [ light laughter ] but, the car was beautiful man, and everything was flawless,
my entrance was amazing. at my >> seth: larry david, "curb your enthusiasm." >> larry showed up at my party, man. >> seth: larry david, jb smoove edy tandems and tell me, what is it like when larry comes to your party. >> when larry comes to your party, he comes early.ors d'oeuvres, man. he was like -- early? have on the, on the hors d'oeuvres. sprinkle a little oregano on them, or something like that. he came really early. and i was upstairs in the hotel y party planner said don't come down until it's full. >> seth: gotcha. >> so larry's walking around, gettin mad, because i'm not there yet. in the paper, said i'm fashionably late for my own party. >> seth: yeah. >> come on, larry! >> seth: were your other friends there, or was it just larry? >> a lot of people were there, but not everybody. >> seth: okay.and? so, when i got, when came down, i mean, my entrance, i came on stage, larry's right on my tail said, "hey, where you been at, man, you know, i've been here, or a long time.
i go, larry, "it's a black party this is what time black people show up." [ laughter ]d he said, "okay, well, jews leave early, see you later." [ laughter ] thank you, larry! >> seth: and here's proof that the two of you were hanging out there.nging out. it was amaz -- we did 10 minutes on stage of banter about me coming down late. >> seth: too late, now, we worked together at "saturday night live." >> seth: we were on the writing staff at the same time. and you were legendary, fred you can attest to this, jb's monday pitches -- >> ah, man.tch to the host, you had some of the greatest pitches of all time. i want to read some of my highlights and you just tell us what the idea is. the guy who works at subway k teller. >> oh, this guy is funny. cause, you know why? cause he works at the bank for a long time, he makes great he bank teller out of him -- every time he asks if you want cheese on your sandwich, he licks his finger. [ laughter ] salami?
>> seth: the apimptice?pimptice was about, you know what, it was a take on the apprentice with snoop dogg was, snoop dogg. the host. >> he was the apimptice. and he sent everyone on a castout to sell their ass. [ light laughter ] the one who sold the most ass mptice. >> seth: right. >> it's simple. >> seth: yep. >> seth: infomercial for a r people to have a cheap face lift. you take your hands, both hands, right? you grab the side of your face and pull back. right? now, here's the trick. you pull back, of course you're yone looks at your hands. but, it's really about a wig, a wig that covers your hands up, so -- [ light laughter ]'t see you pulling your face back. >> you do have to keep the hand
>> yeah. you get some fake arms to hang down. [ light laughter ]out the fake arms. >> it's simple. >> seth: helicopter family. >> the helicopter family was brilliant! it was about a couple that met in the military, right?both helicopter pilots. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> and they both got out of the ted a family, but they can't get the helicopter out of their system, because they was around a helicopter so much. so, you go to thanksgiving slumped over like this, talk very loud. pass the cranberry, pass the cranberry, come on, pass the cranberry. [ light laughter ]hey just still in the helicopter in their minds. >> seth: they're still in the helicopter. tom brady, i remember this, for wrote a thing from the 1950s, he was the first football player, famous for this, the first football player to slap another man's ass. >> imma tell you something, last year i did media day for the t up to him in the press conference. >> he remembered it too. >> seth: that's great. nick butkowski. >> butkowski.
the heyday of the nfl, to smack another man on the ass. >> seth: yeah. >> after a good play. but nobody understood why a man man on the ass in the 1950s. [ light laughter ] >> seth: right.only nfl player to be traded to every team, because nobody understood why another man would do that? [ laughter ] when it really hits it? hey, this is when, he got, he imes. but one particular time, is when he smacked a man's ass in the shower, that's when he went too far! >> yeah, that's too far. too far. >> that's too far. now, this is, you were obviously a lot more, and don't, this is a compliment. you're a lot more refined than ys. and now you host a show called "four courses." you are. you sit down, you have a meal with people. are you, do you have manners? cause it must be weird doing a talk show while everybody's eating. >> let me tell you something, on why madison square garden picked jb smoove to be -- >> seth: okay. >> to host an amazing show called "four courses with jb smoove." not only do i love food, i'm very, i like etiquette.ossed right here? see this here? are you here yet? are you here yet?
>> ooh, you're going to be here >> seth: okay. >> right over left, or left over right? >> seth: okay. >> so. >> seth: what other option would i choose? [ light laughter ] >> some people have both legs backwards. >> seth: oh that's not, yeah. >> which is very uncomfortable. my show -- i like etiquette, i'm know what decadent is? >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> mm. i don't know why, but, i'm from north carolina originally, raised in new york city since i was th consider myself very european. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> i'm very, like, black european minded. very much so. eat delicate little foods. know what i eat? >> seth: what do you eat? >> i order a plate, a morsel, a, little morsels of food.at a morsel is? >> seth: you order a morsel? >> little morsel, a sample of food. >> seth: okay. >> i don't eat heavy any more. i'd ask like, give me a plate full of little morsels. [ light laughter ], that works at a restaurant? >> yeah. just a little morsel, a sample plate. little morsels of food. people love morsels. word morsel enough. >> seth: no.
>> seth: no. >> when is the last time you heard morsel? >> it's been a while, yeah. >> just now?ow and then a second before it and a second before, and a second before. >> little delicate bites of a little morsel, a little taste of food, be putting your tongue on. doing that, i'm never going to use morsel. you love morsels, and now, you're so european, there's been a lot of talk who's going to be bond. the ring. >> i'm throwing my hat into the ring, the presidential ring, the james bond ring, i'm throwing my now. >> seth: okay. >> especially the james bond one. because, see, i like to chase people. >> seth: you like to chase people?ood chaser, man. [ light laughter ] and know what, and i'm very good at getting the enemy secrets out of you. the code to the nuclear weapon or whatever it is. at that? >> oh, i'm a good torturer, i like to torture people. [ light laughter ] here's my thing about torturing. i had to prove to them how tough i am.torturing you, i torture myself at the same time. [ light laughter ] you understand?
to my job, how tough my ass is. i'm going to torture the hell out of myself, just to prove a point. and i do weird stuff to people.ortures, like. >> seth: what are your tortures? [ talking over each other ] >> i would take your fingers off. cut all your fingers off, all your toes off, then i'll put the fingers on the toes and toes on your fingers.at wouldn't be, yeah. >> seth: you know why, cause toes, you know what they can't do with toes, eat morsels. >> you can't eat morsels. ass back. i let you go, back to your people. >> seth: right. >> so they can see what the hell happened to you. >> seth: there you go. >> see there? >> seth: i think you would be a ve>> damn good james bond. >> seth: and you're going to be at carolines this weekend. that's fantastic. >> gonna be great. >> seth: evecity should come check you out. >> i got some amazing shows. two shows, two big shows on thursday, two friday, two saturday. it don't stop. >> it doesn't stop for jb smoove. >> oh, it don't stop for jb smoove. >> seth: thank yu so much for finding the time to come here. >> anytime. you are my guy, man. >> seth: you're my guy. >> and fred's okay too. erybody. check out new episodes of "four courses" on msg network, we'll be right back with more "late night."
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[ cheers and applause ]me back to "late night", everybody. already an award-winning danish artist, tonight's musical guest is quickly making a name for himself in the u.s. here to perform his break-out song, "7 years", please welcome, lukas graham. lause ] once i was seven years old my momma told me go make yourself some friends once i was
was a big, big world but we thought we were bigger pushing each other to the limits we were learning quicker smoking herb and drinking burning liquor never rich so we were out to make that steady figure once i wasld my daddy told me go get yourself a wife or you'll be lonely once i was eleven years old i always had that dream like my daddy before me so i started writing songs i started writing stories about this glory just always seemed to bore me 'cause only those i really love will ever really know me s 20 years old
before the morning sun when life was lonely once i was 20 years old i only see my goals i don't believe in failure 'cause i know the smallest voicesor i got my boys with me at least those in favor and if we don't meet before i leavee you later once i was 20 years old my story got told i was writing about everything i saw before me s 20 years old l be 30 years old our songs have been sold we've traveled around the world and we're still roaming soon we'll be
about life my woman brought children for me so i can sing them all my songs and i can tell them stories are with me some are still out seeking glory some i had to leave behind my brother i'm still sorry e 60 years old my daddy got 61 remember life and then your life becomes a better one happy when i wrote a letter once i hope my children come and visith soon i'll be 60 years old will i think the world is cold or will i have a lot of children soon i'll be 60 years old >> come on, kasper! come on, bring it!i'll be 60 years old will i think the world is cold or will i have a lot of children who can warm me