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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 14, 2016 9:00pm-11:00pm EST

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[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the rring jimmy fallon" valentines day anniversary special. nicole kidman? >> time out, who you gonna call? ncer: and now, here's your host, jimmy fallon. i'm jimmy fallon. and welcome to "the tonight
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special. right. tonight we'll be looking back at all the wonderful memories we shared together of the past two the synchs. so let's light a candle, pour some wine, and snuggle up nice six" with me and justin timberlake. waiter? after the show it's the after party after the party it's the hotel lobby then after the velvet then it's probably chris and after the original [ cheers and applause ] ll cool jay is hard as hell don't care who you tell i excel they all failack shells double l must rock the -- friends, how many of us have them can depend on la di da di
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we don't cause troubledy we're just some men that's on the mic and when we rock it on the mic we rock the mic right fight the power fight the power we got to fight the powers at becompton crazy mother -- >> hey, hey, yo, hey. hey, hey. oh. oh.pplause ] >> jimmy, we've been through this before. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you are not straight out of compton. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no.out something else. lets talk about sex baby lets talks about you and me lets talk about allthe bad things that may be lets talk about sex
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oh oh oh oh oh slightly transformed just a bit of a break from the norm summer summer summer timesit back and -- cash rules everything around me cream, get the money, dolla dolla bill y'all on't know what they want from me it's like the more money we come across the more problems we seeou say no daddy me snow me a gon' blame i lick he bum bum down tective man they say daddy me snow someone down the lane bum bum i lick your [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i lick your bum bum down.ll lick your boom boom down. >> no. you don't lick your boom boom down. >> jimmy: i'll lick your boom boom down. >> you don't lick your boom boom
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one -- lick? >> no. >> jimmy: boom boom. >> no, we don't lick the boom boom. >> jimmy: down. >> down. >> both: down. going down down baby your street in the range rover street sweeper baby cocked ready to let it go shimmy shimmy cocoa what light it up and take a puff pass it to me now bone bone bone bone now usually i don't do this but um go on break them off a little bit of the remix it's the remix to ignitione kitchen mama rollin that body got every man in here wishing sipping on coke and rum so what i'm drunk it's the freaking weekend baby i'm about to have me some fun let's go cause i feeling like feeling like i gotta get away get away get away cause i know that i don't and i wont ever stop cause you know i gotta win
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>> damn!e ] damn! jimmy: compton. i can feel your energy i got my drink i would share it but today i'm yeling bitch don't kill my vibe bitch don't kill my vibeugh the six with my don't kill my vibe i was running through the six with my whoa e ] mustard on the beat yo i don't mess with youpid ass with you little dumb ass trick i private jets flying over me laid back bumper sticker jay is chillin
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we killin 'em baby won't you come my way ng i want to say i woke up in a new bugattiugatti i woke up in a new bugatti i woke up in a new bugattiust in and said what's that noise its justin and jimmye boys you got to fight for your right [ cheers and applause ]t for your right to party rybody let me
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cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: justin timberlake! >> jimmy fallon! >> jimmy: history of hip hop six! justin. the one that got away. but don't worry, tonight's all about me and you.and brad pitt. will smith, jennifer lopez, will ferrell. look at me, i'm babbling. just watch. jimmy: to my buddy who said that i'd never be the host of "the tonight show," and you know who you are. you owe me 100 bucks, buddy.
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lause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ audience ohs ]body's talking about my tight pants i got my tight pants i got my tight pants on >> jimmy: slow down there, young lady friend.oved to this town everyone i know has been talking about my tight pants. >> listen up you little bitch. [ laughter ]es and gentlemen, please welcome, british pop superstar. harry styles. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: favorite food? >> uh -- carnitas. [ laughter ]h the costume? >> i'm the new face of little debbie snack cakes. [ laughter ]ything looks so good. >> would you like any sides with
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french fries. [ laughter ] let me grab you a pile of fries. >> jimmy: whoa!he palm. >> jimmy: i love hot fudge. >> ooh, i don't fudge with you. [ laughter ]ng, i do. i'm just going to give you the >> jimmy: no, no -- oh, be careful!thing. i mean sure, why not? it's my cheat day. [ laughter ] >> three, two, one. [camera shutter ] [ laughter ]let's do a piggy back. >> okay. >> jimmy: no, no, no, i'll get on you. [ laughter ] [ camera shutter ] >> three, two, one. [ camera shutter ] >> cookies. >> i see you. >> all right, and big smile. and three, two, one.
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>> three, two, ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: whose keys are these? are you having an affair? [ laughter ]he keys to your brand new car. >> i'm just here to deliver the mail. and screw. ] >> i love being on "modern family." [ laughter ] >> hola, yo soy jimmy fallon. [ laughter ] soy moi macho. [ speaking spanish ] justin timberlake. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] missed the last train home
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: kevin, you have to do on, we said we can do it. >> i'm freaking out man. wait! and applause ] >> welcome to good burger, home can i take your order?
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>> you got to hustle to get the muscle. and applause ] >> let's get to the chopper! you don't want no beef boy know i run the streets boy better follow me towards downtown see is what you get girl and applause ] >> jimmy: you have no idea how great it feels to make robert de niro eat his words and give you $100. he loves me. stick around, the night is still young. after the break we've got bradley cooper, jennifer lawerence, halle berry,
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[leo] no, i didn't make that purchase. someone must have my card number. new debit card right now? thank you! [leo] alright everyone, follow me! [dave] but coach, the gym is that way! [leo] okay, ok [laura] come on. this may take a while. [wells fargo banker] here's your card. u. [vo] instant issue debit cards. [vo] security. convenience. together. [leo] let's go! [dave] well, that was fast! [vo] wells fargo. together we'll go far.
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redesigned passat. from volkswagen. >> welcome back to "the tonight es" day anniversary special. believe it or not i wasn't always the suave, debonair gentlemen you see before you.
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>> jimmy: i don't know if you remember this. but we met before. >> oh, i remember. >> jimmy: do you remember this? ng for me. >> yes. >> jimmy: it was? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do want me to tell -- >> i have not seen you since then. >> jimmy: i have not. >> right. >> jimmy: that is correct. >> is years ago. do you want me to tell my version of the story? >> yeah, you tell your version. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm walking down the street, i'my fired rick calls me and says, "dude, what are you doing?" i go, "i'm just walking down the street." he goes, "i have nicole kidman ts to meet you for -- maybe, to be in 'bewitched'" or something like that. so i go, "what? okay."n your apartment in like 10 minutes." i go, "you're going to bring nicole kidman over my apartment?" okay, i do? some cheese and crackers or something." [ laughter ] and i'm like "cheese and crackers?"alking about? i don't have dinner parties. i don't have anyone over my house. i have video games and sneakers.
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deli, and i go in the deli. i go "we need cheese." he goes "get brie or something." and i go "brie?at that is." >> i just remember i liked you. and he was like -- not now. i'm married now.e -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? y. >> jimmy: wait, what? wait, what? >> so he says --friend says, "jimmy want to meet you, and you can go over to his apartment." and i'm single. and i'm cool." >> jimmy: wait, what?! [ cheers ] >> yes. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> yes.: did i date nicole kidman? >> so -- >> jimmy: did we go -- was that a date? >> so i go over though and you're there in a baseball cap and like nothing. just like -- >> jimmy: i had brie cheese. >> and you wouldn't talk.
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you were like "hey." nervous. >> and i'm like, okay, so. >> jimmy: i didn't know this was like a thing. ie. >> it was like a hang. and then you put a video game on or something. and i'm like -- [ laughter ] this is so bad. [ applause ] it was bad. [ cheers and applause ] and you didn't talk much at all. and so after about an hour and half i thought "he has no" [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: i had no clue at all.nt, okay, no chemistry. and then i was like "maybe he's gay." [ laughter ]
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>> anyway we weren't meant to be, right? >> jimmy: wow, did you make a good decision. [ laughter ] great -- a fantastic decision. >> you didn't. anyway, it was like that. >> jimmy: oh my gosh, i am in shock right now.d with kids. >> jimmy: well you made a much better decision. keith urban is so much cooler than i am. he's a rockstar. tour. isn't he constantly like -- >> no. >> jimmy: yes, these country guys. he's always on tour. >> you're now trying to be all serious.rying to be serious now. look, here's the deal. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm not always on tour, i'm always at home. [ laughter ] and kids --en have a conversation. >> jimmy: you're feeling a little something. you feeling a little chemistry. [ cheers and applause ] late baby. ship has sailed, okay nicole? taken, okay?
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okay. anyway, let's talk about paddington. >> jimmy: this is the best day ever. it's a great day. let's talk about paddington. congrats already, it's a big hit already.y, right? >> yes. overseas. >> jimmy: they released it overseas first. [ laughter ]ot brie cheese. [ laughter ] >> and corn chips. >> jimmy: corn chips.? >> yeah. and some old chinese food. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how can i buy old chinese food? >> it was in the fridge. was in the fridge, it probably was. i am going to go back to paddington. were going to edit this out. >> yeah. [ laughter ] the bear.bear. >> jimmy: it's a cute bear. it's a cute movie. >> it's a cute bear. it's very true. >> jimmy: you play the villain in the movie. >> i do. role. >> yep. play -- what? [ laughter ] even -- you're, like, stuttering and stuff. you're so nervous.
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laugh now. um -- u laugh, yeah. >> now. >> jimmy: i always made you laugh. [ laughter ] wait. all right, so let's talk about hugh bonneville. my man, hugh bonneville. >> so downton abbey. we love him. and it's a cgi bear, and of course, everybody knows the books. >> but the bear does have the most beautiful eyes. he does.: yeah. [ laughter ] he does. >> why are you laughing? [ laughter and applause ] everybody's just -- >> jimmy: everyone's feeling the sexual chemistry here.rd. [ cheers and applause ] and it's just odd. thers? we'll show them our new nintendo. that's pretty cool. [ laughter ] she must be really kicking herself. now let's keep this love train rolling with some of my favorite celebrity interviews and games. sh, you're funny, and i want you to know something, from my heart.
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[ laughter and applause ] an event. >> jimmy: and you wanted to dance with jennifer lopez. >> i was like, okay, so we'll -- >> jimmy: kanye west is playing. >> what we'll do is do a spin.. >> and then we'll go, "dance with us." like, together. basically, i do it and then i go like this and then i look and he's gone. and it's just me looking at j-lo and going, "dance with -- me." [ laughter ] what happened. here's what happened. as i'm spinning around, i see her manager, and he goes to me, he goes -- "no." [ laughter ]n the other way and you and i walked away. [ laughter ] >> and you didn't grab me! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. i love that. show. it's really well written. show too. >> and it's really smart. to my network. i just watch things on nbc. [ laughter ] >> well, loyal. [ laughter ] you and timberlake look so cool, man. y'all have as much fun as two straight guys can have.
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>> y'all take it right to the -- right to the edge! [ laughter ] jimmy has been behind home plate for numerous games and he's always on camera.see him jumping up and down and it's kind of -- i don't want to talk bad about you, but it's kind of awkward because -- [ laughter ] -- he doesn't know what . >> jimmy: now there's me, right there. now derek is up, i'm just nervous. i'm like, c'mon. and i'm jumping. >> look at that. >> jimmy: who claps like that? i'm like, clapping like a pumpkin. because i don't -- i feel very uncomfortable talking to somebody that handsome. but like -- [ laughter and applause ] >> stop. no! i -- >> jimmy: no. >> you hurt your hand in the shape of the shocker. like, i think that's really -- [ laughter ] that's inappropriate. hands? >> jimmy: no, i don't. i like them, i like them, i like them a lot. >> i love my hands. >> jimmy: no -- they are very good. >> ever since i was 13 years of age. applause ] >> steve: we are all here to
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password! >> jimmy: you hit your head in egg russian >> what? >> you are too competitive. look at you. smoke is coming out of your ears. [ laughter ] applause ] >> jimmy: i'm a little competitive. [ screams ] >> jimmy: we won. johnny, you're the worst. [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: can i guess? >> yeah. >> jimmy: elephant in the room. >> jimmy: oh, i did. that's right, i forgot. [ laughter ] i forgot. >> when this is over, i'm going to kick your ass. [ laughter ] [ applause ]rate kid. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: full alert! got it. >> jimmy: yeah, you do got it. you definitely got it. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: that's the one. >> just like you got it. >> jimmy: you got it. >> jimmy: you definitely got it, man. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: you got it. >> i'm clean as a whistle. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> all you got is [ bleep ] all
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[ laughter and applause ] egg's a natural conditioner. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm not even mad. >> jimmy: yep. oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> i do not feel good about this. >> j about this. >> i feel terrible about this egg. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: c'mon man, it's good. >> i feel so bad about it, okay. no! >> what?rd is "booty." >> ooh. [ laughter ] >> call. [ laughter and applause ] and applause ] >> jimmy: booty? >> yes! [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: i wouldn't be surprised. you never know when -- [ exaggerated italian accent ] papa's going to throw it-a. we don't-a know-a. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] son of a bitch gimme a drink
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son of a bitch i can't keep clean >> i always have such a -- i'm going to drink >> i'm just a little pissed off that i couldn't get a black hand. [ laughter and applause ] >> kevin.] >> yes, most ridiculous sketch ever. [ laughter ] they're liking it. >> yep. >> oh, my gosh. [ alien voice ] ese things work? >> yeah, they work. [ laughter and applause ] me another damn drink. son of a bitch gimme a drink do we play beer pong, bitch? son of a bitch i can't keep clean to drink
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son of a bitch i'm going to drink my life away and applause ]: coming up, we've got adele, kevin hart, taylor swift, and more on the "jimmy fallon anniversary day valentines special." stay right there. [ crashes ] llions of people have switched to sprint this past year. and to celebrate50% offer so you can save on most verizon, at&t or t-mobile rates. money! we saved a lot of money! the sprint network is faster. reliable, with better coverage than ever. i like sprint because of the reliability. my movies download much faster.ork is... [ snaps fingers] fast! now, save $200 instantly
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>> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy valentine's fallon's day special." let's see what's on the menu for the rest of the evening. >> order? >> jimmy: so much to choose from here. celebrity sketches, impressions, musical bits --on't nobody care. it's your second anniversary,
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you know what? a lot of people enjoyed the lip sync battle with kevin hart.-- nah. >> huh? >> jimmy: i'm just not in the mood. be hits on that. so, not in the mood for that? 60 million people were. what -- why don't you just close your eyes and point at something. >> jimmy: oh, thank you notes. >> roll the clip! >> jimmy: thank you, republicans and mustard, for being the only things that come in mild, spicy, brown and yellow. [ laughter ] thank you, reviews on amazon, for letting me know what crazy people thought about the coffee maker i want to buy. [ laughter ] of the week pill containers -- [ laughter ]
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old people. [ laughter ]ank you, secretary of energy, ernest moniz, for looking like the love child of earnest borgnine and the quaker oats guy. [ laughter ]: that's the best! [ applause ] >> jimmy: he doesn't leave the house. thank you, horse yoga, or as thewhat the freaking hell man? what is -- [ laughter ] >> steve: what is going on? >> jimmy: you wo happened to me today. >> steve: that's crazy. >> jimmy: thank you, ceiling fans, for having two speeds.and oh my god it's going to rip off the ceiling and slice through the children! [ laughter ] thank you, fancy gyms, or as i ou, james -- [ laughter ] >> steve: come on! come us sit there and look
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that's a great joke! fancy gym, james. come on!y! >> jimmy: you're overreacting. >> steve: i'm sorry. >> jimmy: you're overreacting. thank you, l.b.j., for sounding resident and more like a spanish porn star. [ laughter ] el b.j. [ laughter ]u, the "people you may know" feature of facebook, for being the online equivalent of seeing in a old friend at the oiding eye contact. [ laughter and applause ] i'll go to the cereal isle. it's laura, i don't want to talk to her.on't need cereal. >> jimmy: come on, you bastard, go to the cereal isle.lbearers, for being the ultimate example of having to help a friend move. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ]g to get groans. >> steve: you knew it. >> jimmy: but it's funny. and your friend would have loved
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[ laughter ]u, cake balls, for not being called tasteicals. [ laughter ] that is a real thank you note. >> jimmy: we should make them, man. >> steve: yeah, we should make tasteicals.ove them, dads love them, kids loves them. everybody loves 'em. tasteicals tasteicals put the tasteicales in your mouth : thank you, butternut squash, for some how being an appetizing food despite having the words, butt, nut, and squash in your name. [ laughter ]everybody. those are my thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hope you are having a great valentine's day so far. next up we've got arianna grande, our favorite liperformance by adele. all that and more on the "jimmy fallon valentine's day
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me i was wondering if after all these yearsmeet to go over everything supposed to heal ya but i ain't done much healing hello can you hear mem in california dreaming about who we used to be
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younger and freeve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet there's such a difference between usllion miles hello from the i must've called for everything that i've done but when i call you never seem hello how are you me to talk about myself i'm sorry i hope that you're welld you ever make it out of that town
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it's no secret that are running out of time the other side i must've called a thousand timesu i'm sorry for everything that i've done but when i call to be home hello from the outside can say that i've tried to tell you i'm sorry for breaking your hearton't matter it clearly doesn't
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anymore anymore anymore anymore [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ew! i love adele! adele's the best! >> hi, sarah, what's all the hub bub down here? watching "the jimmy fallon valentine's day special." >> well your mom and i are upstairs watching the same thing.favorite singer adele. howdy from the other side the phone is ringing all the time jimmy: ew! stop it, gary! you're ruining adele. i want to watch something else. >> well, why don't you watch your own show?
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>> jimmy: hi, everyone! welcome to ew! [ laughter ]. and if you're wondering it's s-a-r-a, with no h, because h's are ew! [ laughter ]pic on insta, and i it only got like three likes. i'm literally dying. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ew! that's like, not a lot of likes! [ laughter ]-- >> oh please, call me michelle. [ laughter ]that i made of a pegacorn. it's a unicorn and pegasus in one, that's it's my -- [ laughter ]s! sneezed and snotted all over the pegacorn! [ laughter and applause ] brittany, have you been listening to any good music? >> i totally song that i just can not get out of my head. >> jimmy: then let's stop talking about it, and let's
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>> okay. >> let's do it. seriouslyutt ew oh she looks like a slut ew i'm like what the what right right ew ew [ laughter ] i got brain freeze! >> ew. >> jimmy: i got brain freeze. >> ew! >> jimmy: my brain is freezing! >> ew, god no! and you know who now here's some things i think are ew facetime reclining in airplane seats and then retweeting tweets i'm not lying n rhyming's annoying bread bowls and ravioli casserole and rolly polly caterpillar am i really only moldy when they're so [ laughter ] trapper keepersing sneakers -- [ cheers and applause ] ew ew ew ew ew hey funky bunch what you guys doing y gosh! it's my step dad, gary. and he just ruined it! >> i just came down to tell you girls that you're mom is upstairs making some shake and bake chicken!u shake it, and then you bake it! you shake it, you bake it. you shake it and you bake it.
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and you give it a the oven and you let it bake. >> jimmy: ew! get out of here, gary! [ laughter ] gary, shut up! get out of here! get out! get out of here. >> i'm leaving. >> jimmy: get out! >> i'm leaving. >> jimmy: get out! >> i'm leaving. you girls have a good -- here! >> catch you girls on the flipptiy flop. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gary can be such a weirdo. >> i hate gary. [ laughter ]: crocs. >> ew! >> jimmy: tomatoes or tomatoes? >> ew or ew!ard dreyfuss? >> he's cute. [ laughter ] second. did you just say that he's cute? [ laughter ] >> he's like really cute. [ laughter ] ferrell? >> ew! >> cute. [ laughter and applause ]
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>> announcer: ladies and ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever combining the four part harmony of barbershop quartet,
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please welcome the ragtime gal!pplause ]sually i don't this but, um, go ahead and break them off with a little preview of the remix. i'm not trying to be rude but hey pretty girl i'm feeling you the way you do the things you do remind me of my lexus coupe all up in your grill trying to get you to a hotel you must be a football coach the way you got me playing the field you that toot toot now let me give you that beep beep running her hands through my fro bouncing on 24's aying on the radio it's the remix it's the remix to ignition hot and fresh mama rolling that body got every man in here wishing we're sipping on coke and rum i'm like so what i'm drunk freaking weekend baby i'm about to have me some fun i'm going to have me some fun we love to bounce bounce bounce bounce
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bounce bounce bounce bounce we love to bounce we love to bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bouncebounce we love to bounce now it's like murder she wrote once i get you out them clothes he door but they still can hear you screaming more girl i'm feeling what you're feeling no more hoping and wishing ke my key and stick it in the ignition [ cheers and applause ]baby give me that toot toot and let me give you that beep beep running her hands through my fro bouncing on 24's whilehe radio on the radio toot toot beep beep toot toot beep beep toot toot lause ] o jimmy fallon's vd special. you know, there's nothing better than a good song to set the
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i hope you don't mind but i've mething special. s playing our song. >> jimmy: and now she's playing the "beverly hills cop" theme song., thank you, that'll be all for now. [ cheers and applause ] now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down and i'd like to a minute if that's okay how i brought
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[ cheers and applause ] well she gotr and she cruised to the hamburger stand now then she called us and invited us to join her at the hamburger stand now then we hopped in her car to go meet her at the hamburger stand now what goes up must come down tooanges our point of view i will see what you just sawaylors on a see saw [ cheers and applause ] i long to see the sunlight in your haird tell you time and time again how much i care eel my heart will overflow
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i know when that hotline bling mean one thing i know when that hotline bling mean one thing ebony and ivoryher in perfect harmony bleep ] with you you little stupid ass bitch i ain't [ bleep ] with you you little, i'm that flight that you get on international i've been around the worlduage but your booty don't need explaining all i really need to understand is when you talk dirty to me
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you don't have to put on the red light don't put on that red red light cheers and applause ] what would you saye words away and you couldn'tw just by saying i love you dance looking for romance saw barbara ann so i thought i'd take a chance barbara ann barb barb barbara annann [ applause ] llage the peaceful village the lions sleep tonight
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the quiet village the lion sleeps tonight is in the past [ cheers and applause ] let it go let it go a she told me don't worry about your size she said boys like to hold at night that booty booty uh that booty booty santa clausn
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cheers and applause ] >> i thought this was a party? let's dance! now i gotta cut loose kick off your sunday shoes please louise my knees come on before we crack your blues everybody cut footloose everybody cut everybody cut everybody cut everybody cut everybody cut everybody everybody cut footloose eers and applause ] >> jimmy: coming up, we've got the best of our political
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look, we're trending! let me see that. we're famous!t's go places. >> jimmy: welcome back to "primetime jimmy's valentine's day fallon." now, normally i don't like to discuss politics at the dinner i'm in the
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please enjoy this montage of our favorite "tonight show" political sketches. [ knocking ]u doing in there? >> jimmy: i'm eating! gah!tastic. [ cheers and applause ] >> no, we look fantastic. and i mean really fantastic.e got a big interview with jimmy fallon coming up. let's be honest, fallon's a lightweight. no way he deserves to interview me.ou think it's going to go? >> it's gonna be really classy. >> it's gonna be really fantastic. it's gonna be -- [ together ] huge!pplause ] >> ] >> you may be tough, but you got a great smile. >> there we go. let's see that smile.
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on us. [ laughter ] you have spoken and you're clear. you are the candidate who looks like a scooby doo villain before his mask is removed. [ laughter ] ha, ha. and applause ] first of all i've got to say, i love this wall. [ laughter ] isn't it a beautiful wall? [ laughter ]e fantastic. the ratings were huge! huge! huge! huge huge huge >> that was a humorous comment.with laughter. [ laughter ] >> confident americans will see for them, that they can count on me for them and their families. >> jimmy: see, you sound like a
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not compute. you want to win, here's what you got to do. in fact, this phone isn't even plugged in. [ laughter ]el the bern. [ laughter ] feel the bern. >> feel the bern! huge lunch in new york city where they honor you and get your award. i have four children. one of them showed up. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ]you ate the other three lunches. [ laughter ] >> seriously, you start off the you look great, how much weight you've lost. and it shows what a putz you are -- >> jimmy: oh come on! hey! y, very tough. i know you're a mother and as a grandmother as well, but you're a tough mother. >> a tough mother. [ laughter ]
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no, no -- i have to ask this, because i was thinking about this the other day? have you ever apologized? ever in your lifetime? close your eyes, think back to baby donald. >> i fully think apologizing is a great thing, but you have to be wrong.ey wanted me -- [ laughter ] oh sure. [ applause ] we'll be back with more "valentine fallon's anniversary day tonight." dad, you can just drop me off right here. oh no, i'll take you up to the that's where your friends are. seriously, it's, it's really fine. you don't want to be seen with your dad? no, it' oh, there's tracy.onking ] [ forward collision warning ] bye dad! it brakes when you don't.ed volkswagen passat.
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>> jimmy: welcome back to skippy valentine's anniversary day jamboree.n. and before i was a late night host, i was a student at bayside high. ah, i remember it like it was yesterday. [ cheers and applause ]cheers and applause ] >> bayside high! s and belding. [ laughter ]
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newest friend, jimmy fallon!e ] >> hey jimmy!ch! how's it going? >> oh, you know, typical day. i woke up in the morning, the alarm gave out a warning, i r make it on time. [ laughter ] by the time i grabbed my books, and i gave myself a look, i was at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by. >> jimmy: it's all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> what's up preppies? [ laughter ] >> well slater, for your information i was just about to bout the big valentine's day dance. >> awe, you guys are going together, that's so cute! [ laughter ] funny. >> jimmy: who are you taking to the dance, slater?
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she's right up there.e ] hi jimmy, hi zach! hey bubba, you getting ready for the big dance? >> ready? you kidding me, mama?. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] >> hello? >> hello? >> uh-huh.u've been throwing up all morning?
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well, meet me at jimmy's locker. fact, slater, that was my date just now. she was in the nurse's office, but she should be here any minute.eaves you, jimmy. who are you taking to the dance? >> jimmy: guys actually, i have to tell you something. i -- i -- i'm not going to the dance. ] >> why not? >> jimmy: i'm moving, to new [ light laughter ] >> you're leaving bayside? >> jimmy: yeah, i mean, i love n "saturday night live." [ cheers and applause ] host my own talk show! [ cheers and applause ]knows, maybe one day date nicole kidman. [ laughter and applause ]nicole kidman, hey you are a comedian! >> tell me about it slater. i mean, jimmy going on a date
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stripper! [ laughter and applause ] so when are you leaving, jimmy? >> jimmy: ah, tomorrow. >> well, jimmy, i for one am very excited for you. did you just say you were excited? >> yeah, i'm excited! how excited would you say you are? i'm so excited i'm so -- scared [ cheers and applause ] hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! what is going on here?
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leaving bayside. >> awe, i know something that'll cheer you guys up.! >> speaking of things that'll cheer me up -- [ cheers and applause ] >> hi zach! >> hey kell. i can't wa the big dance! >> listen, you and i have to talk. i'm pregnant. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]ell on the downside, i'll probably be grounded for life.
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[ cheers and applause ] time in! kelly, that's great! >> really? >> of course, i love you and i'll always love you! [ laughter and applause ] bayside. >> attention students, this is your principal and dj -- richie,ing. [ laughing ] >> this next song goes out to jimmy fallon and his friends at bayside. >> jimmy: nice, zach attack! i love them! time ago when we were so young ugh thick and thin we lost we've tied we've won
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forever?ver!! : coming up, we've got more of our favorite celebrities and lip-sync battles, right here
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e back to "jeremy falcon's happy fun time spectacular." here's a look at more of our favorite celebrity moments. u right in this same studio in 1965. [ cheers and applause ] i was on. and he said, god bless him, you're going to be a star. and you look at this -- look how nice -- the breasts are in the right place. [ laughter ] >> fill in the blank. i love to play with my what? steve. >> steve: what is ding dong. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: survey says -- [ buzzer ] i love to play with my -- >> ball -- [ laughter ]. no. get your ass over there.
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[ laughter ] jimmy: and the award goes to -- helen mirren. >> oh thank you, i'm so honored. [ laughter ]er saw you backstage. >> oh. >> jimmy: i don't do backstage.o backstage? >> i think you did front stage. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did a bit with vince called true confessions. >> the game took a turn for the weird and the uncomfortable. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it did, right? >> well the game true say one thing from your past that is true and one thing that is not. everyone has to guess what it is. and i assumed it would be kind of funny, ha, ha. right? colin's was -- n i was a late teen i got brought in for questioning as a suspect in an attempted murder. [ laughter ]rstand what happened on your show last night?
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ha, ha, ha, colin was a suspect in a murder that was never solved. solved! they had a photo, he looked at the photo and said, "yeah, that's me." [ laughter ] >> you auditioned for me. writer for the dana carvey show. and you were a young, adorable, little boy -- [ laughter ]you were playing guitar, and you had these little troll dolls and you were singing songs about troll dolls. [ laughter ]were like, "hey, okay, here's a song about troll dolls." and then you would turn around and wiggle you you were young and had a tight little ass. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about?ed your chances to have -- i really, really went to bat against you. [ laughter ] i think i actually said, "i will quit the show -- >> what?t kid. >> jimmy: schwarzenegger -- i've read that you guys actually hated each other for awhile. >> well we were very
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[ laughter ] >> you're back on broadway here. look at this -- this is giant.e ] >> it's a great story. >> jimmy: it's a tricky play. >> it is tricky, yeah. especially because the movie hetic -- i love that we still have these on. it just feels good. tell me it doesn't feel good? >> jimmy: it feels really good. tips. >> boy band, yeah, absolutley boy band hair. >> anyway, went to london. went to see his bones, and it was amazing. [ laughter ]- anyway the bones. [ laughter ] >> we can't use that, we'll cut this out.role -- [ laughter ] >> cause it's based on a real guy, joseph carey-merrick, who lived in the late 1800s. died at the age of 27. [ laughter ] jimmy: we have to get through this. this is based on a true story -- [ laughter ] >> we got it. we got it. i won't look at you.
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course. >> yeah, yeah. >> you went to -- [ laughter ] and applause ] bills i've got to pay so i'm gonna work everyday [ laughter ] cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: rumpelstiltskin. [ laughter ] nd applause ] >> hey! >> stop the record. and rewind this. your momma got bills your daddy got bills
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t's true! >> oh my god! [ cheers and applause ] great night so far. what's that you say? you want to see daniel radcliffe rapping? done. kalicious' alphabet aerobics. >> that would be one. >> you know how to do that whole song? >> yeah, i do, yeah. >> that's one of the trickiest, fastest songs i know. >> yeah. [ laughter ] and applause ] >> can i take my jacket off? >> jimmy: sure.e ] >> all right you guys. now it's time for our rap-up, let's give it everything we've got, ready let's begin --eurs aren't at all amazing analytically, i assault
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broken barriers bounded by the bomb beatbroken basically i'm bombarding casually create catastrophes, casualties cancelling cats got their canopies collapsing of dank daily doin dough demonstrations, don dada on the down low eatin other editors with each and every energetic epileptic episodeette furious fat fabulous fantastic flurries of funk felt feeding the fanatics gift got great global gettin godly in his game with the goriest hit em high, hella height, historical hey holocaust hints hear 'em holler at your homeboy dolize i intimidate in a instant, i'll rise in a irate state juiced on my jams like jheri curls jockin joints justly, it's just me kindly i'm kindling all kinds of ink on karate kick type brits in my kingdom let me live a long life lyrically lessons isjust lose to my livery my mind makes marvelous moves, masses marvel and move, many mock what i've mastered nap knowinally knack, never lack make noise nationally
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of sight, out of mind wide beaming opticals powerful punchlines pummelling petty powder puffs in my prime quite quaint quotes keep quiet it's quannum quarrelers ain't got aot uh really raw raps risin up rapidly riding the rushing radioactivity super scientifical silencing super fire saps that are soft talented, too tough get a tune up universal, unique untouched raw uncut verb vice lord victorious valid violate vibes that are vain make em vanished well would a wise wordsmith justded up, i'm a workshift xerox, my x-ray-diation holes extra large x-height letters and xylophone tones yellow back, yak mouth young ones yawsds sell our yawn zig zag zombies zoomin to the zenith zero in zen thoughts, overzealous rhyme zea-lots lause ] >> jimmy: come on! daniel radcliffe! [ cheers and applause ]. we will be back with more of our favorite "tonight show" moments
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folks, you can't make this stuff up. four bandits chose a prius as their getaway car. bravo-niner, in pursuit of a toyota prius. over. how hard is it to catch a prius? over. etty fast. over. very funny. oh look, a farmer's market.get some flowers for the car. yeah! holly! ces. cheez-it grooves are the perfect union of a cheez-it and a chip. ied? umm... i guess... you'd make a pretty bride in that wedding gown. oh, it's a lab coat so... hey everyone, joe's getting married! i'm not. we take time for our cheese to mature in our crispy
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[ cheers and applause ] and gentlemen, neil young. [ cheers and applause ] an look at my life
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man look at my lifeour and there's so much more live alone in a paradise that makes me think of two , such a cost get lost like a coin that won't get tossedme to you [ cheers ] man take a look at my life i'm a lot like you i need someone to love meh ah, one look in my eyes
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[ cheers ] lullabies, look in yourthe same old town doesn't mean that much to me to mean that much to you e been first and last look at how the time goes past but i'm all alone at last rolling home to you old man take a i'm a lot like you one to love me the whole day throughyes and you can tell
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man look at my life i'm a lot like you were old man look at my life i'm a lot like you were cheers and applause ]: you know, i love doing impressions but so do a lot of my guests. here's some of my favorites from the past two years. on doing ghostbusters. >> when there's something strange -- [ laughter ]. [ laughter ] who ya gonna call? [ laughter ]le piggy went
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[ cheers ] stayed home don't want to grow up i'm a toys 'r us kid i play with >> jimmy: hello? . [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. was it good? >> no. [ laughter ]na fey have the worst de niro impression i've ever seen. >> i know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's like this. [ laughter ]n you do a impersonation of me at all? i close my eyes. [ laughter ] [ mumbling ] [ laughter ] do like the thing like -- it's like people laugh to early at the joke.
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>> jimmy: i never saw that.e ] [ laughter ] >> so good, so guys are so awesome. [ laughter ] oh my god! god you're awesome. you're so great. i love everything you do. i've seen everything you've done.immy. >> hey how you doing? so far so great so far and so great pplause ] >> it was around here is the other song. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: ruthlove boys are in here.t here in texas willing, willing and the boys >> jimmy: it was a great song. >> i seriously can't stand you. [ laughter ] never your beast of burden so let's go home and draw the curtains face when i'm with you
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't feel my face when i'm with you but i love it so much but i love it top of each other ] like when people do impressions of you? >> no -- [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: you're very flowy and -- and -- >> that guy is a son of a bitch. >> jimmy: jack nicholson or john travolta -- right, right. you do 409 bob >> jimmy: let's do the 409 bob.
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hi, i'm --use ]ou because you're very cheery and i love when you do that you know. [ laughter ] you know you do that, very excited and you come out. sometimes you -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: quest instance on that the other day and he said he l phone. >> i always thought me and you are cool. >> you are -- [ laughter ] you choose. you choose when you want to quit. it's a fun job. stick around.ack with more of chip holiday's valentine's day spooktacular starring me, jimmy tonight. good morning sunset. good morning night.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. you're watching mtv's "rockin' jock v-day b-ball jam." i'm your host, dan cortese. here's more of our funniest moments from "the tonight show." and applause ] tonight show superlatives >> jimmy: next, from the cowboys is cole beasley.ikely to be driven to the game by fred, daphne, velma, and scooby doo." [ laughter and applause ] next, from the 49ers is joe looney.ikely to lightly tug on your shirt when
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[ audience oohs ] [ laughter ]. [ laughter ] he was voted "most likely to dot his ts and cross his eyes." jimmy: i might not be around forever, what with my finger being in the condition it is. [ laughter ] appen tomorrow? i could stub my toe. [ laughter ] i could burn the roof of my mouth eating a hot microwave pizza.applause ] >> i should call you little debbie, 'cause you are one fake-ass cookie. >> jimmy: give me one good hrow this drink in your face. >> 'cause of this! [ audience ohs ] [ applause ]errence. >> hey, jim. [ applause ] >> jimmy: hey. >> how you feeling? >> jimmy: great. >> good, good, good. about something serious. i know y'all do these parodies on your show -- >> jimmy: oh, thank you. >> no, no "thank you."
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don't do one of "empire." [ laughter ] no. i wouldn't -- do -- that. [ laughter ] and cons and pros and cons and pros >> jimmy: "sesame street" moving to hbo. pro, hbo promises a tougher, edgier elmo. [ light laughter ]es square elmo put it, "bitch, please." [ laughter ] [ applause ] i don't mess with that guy. hashtags nt to say "butt dial," but instead she said "grandma booty called me today." [ laughter ] >> steve: no. >> jimmy: no she didn't. >> steve: no.ce overheard a man in a stall next to me whisper to himself, "please not now." [ laughter ] girl passed me talking on the phone, crying, "i'm trying to find marco, but people keep yelling back 'polo!'" [ laughter ] "marco!"! >> jimmy: stop it! marco! >> audience: polo! >> jimmy: stop it! [ laughter ] i saw a says looks like me, but i don't know. you be the judge. does he look like me?
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[ applause ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay, now what is this invention? what is your invention here? >> the tissuetron 3000. when you're done with the tissue -- >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. >> -- you just put it in here, in the trash can. >> it's called the puff and fluff dog drying system. [ laughter ]something like that. can he breathe? can he breathe? >> ta-da! >> jimmy: there you go right there! [ laughter and applause ] aw, mojo! de-crustifier. you put the pizza on there, yeah. and then you put this thing down. >> and then -- yeah. you need to press on it. [ laughter ]
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[ applause ] simple to use. [ laughter ]pizza's gone. there it is. >> jimmy: you got pizza rat. >> steve: sure. [ laughter ] es him. you add a ball pit. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: you get -- chuck-e-cheese. >> steve: yeah! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think he's a mouse. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: lil john. >> steve: mm-hmm. >> jimmy: plus lil wayne. >> steve: mm-hmm. lil john wayne. >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] [ applause ] what's up, pilgrim? >> jimmy: yeah, why don't you just take off the panda head and get some air? why not? go for it. >> all right. >> jimmy: wait. lause ] you've been hashtag the panda all along? >> uh-huh. i wanted us to have, like -- you know, like our own thing. [ laughter ]nda. but, uh, you know, that was in the past. >> i want to know, who did youas hashtag? >> jimmy: there's no one. i just -- [ cheers ]
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>> jimmy: oh, this book is, uh -- [ laughter ] "amish vampires in space." [ laughter ]vacant lots." [ laughter ] "the joy of uncircumcizing." >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: this is a good one. higgins, brace yourself. >> ste >> jimmy: "soranus's gynecology." [ laughter ] "the psychopath inside."e author. james fallon. there you go. [ applause ] >> steve: i wasn't even aware you wrote that book. book. [ laughter ] james did. [ "house of cards" theme plays ]pplause ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, denny, these cue cards must be larger in size. okay? this is "the tonight sho [ laughter ] the cue cards must be right. they are the life vest in this ocean of televised late night jokery. ast looks. >> jimmy: last looks are the final touch-up before the show. even the finest furniture needs
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>> mr. fallon, you have a phone call. >> jimmy: a phone call is when someone calls you on the phone. [ laughter ]die, you have outdone yourself again, my friend. >> whatever. [ phone rings ] up here. freddie, would you mind getting my phone? i -- sorry. i just -- [ laughter ] >> what is that? half a string cheese. >> jimmy: you know what, freddie, i do believe the phone is the other pocket. i do apologize. that is my fault. [ applause ]s diagon alley. >> jimmy: how do we get to the studio? >> steve: easy. taking my magic broom. >> jimmy: you know how to work that thing? >> steve: yep.olt. all you do is put one leg here, go -- [ thud ] [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: higgins! its. there's no tracks on this album at all. it's just an empty -- making her standup comedy debut tonight --gentlemen! [ cheers ] >> it is true, i date younger guys. [ cheers ] oh, you guys think that's funny?
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weeks. son without thinking and i said, "um -- do you have any friends you could introduce me to?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hello?ome crack with that? >> jimmy: no, i don't' -- [ laughter and applause ] stop calling me! [ laughter ] and applause ] [ cheers ] >> jimmy: we did it! dreams really do come true! >> jimmy: we'll be right back lip synch battles. you don't want to miss it. to watch the red carpet shows on tv now, i'm walking them. life is unpredictable one thing i need to be predictable is to be flake free. belders for 20 years.
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>> jimmy: you're watching jersey funyuns valentines day bleeps, blurps and bloopers. and now, please enjoy some of our favorite moments fro epic lip sync battles. s time for another lip sync battle. [ cheers and applause ] welcome kevin hart and my pal emma stone. paul rudd. lena dunham.and gwen stefani. ellen degeneres. [ cheers and applause ] tom cruise. >> would ycoat for me? thank you.
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[ applause ] >> jimmy: you don't have to clear yout throat for lip syncing. [ laughter ]ng is -- >> the junk stomp. [ light laughter ] >> my first song is by the queen bee. [ cheers and applause ] flashing lights flashing lights baby i want you [ cheers and applause ] >> this song is a business ve that happened. cash. [ light laughter ] and either they forgot that theydon't want to pay it. [ cheers and applause ] pay me what you want it
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[ cheers and applause ] bitch better have mye my bitch better have my money [ cheers and applause ] [ applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ]er ] [ cheers and applause ]gonna hear me roar cheers and applause ] >> that's a tough out of breath in a lip sync battle? [ laughter ]
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[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] time to say goodnight. thank you for watching our tonight show anniversary special. and don't forget we'll be doing shows live all this week from los angeles.e. oops. my uber is here.
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>> "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon" is in l.a. all this week. and tomorrow, will ferrel drops
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