tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC February 26, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EST
i appreciate it. thank you very, very much. welcome. please, have a seat. enjoy yourself. welcome. enjoy yourself. relax. welcome to "the tonight show." you made it. you made it. [ cheers and applause ] here. the big time. here's what everyone is talking to me about, of course, last night was the tenth republican debate which featured all five they all had a lot of interesting things to say. at least i think they did. see if you can tell. >> donald playing -- [ talking over each other ] donald? very hard for you. >> i have this book. >> donald? >> thank you for the book. [ talking over each other ] >> people are sadly watching this debate. [ talking over each other ] >> hold on. let me get my answer in. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: even the girls on "the bachelor" were like "this is way too much drama." [ laughter ] this is too much. [ applause ] it got crazy.
kept screaming in the audience. [ light laughter ] yeah. and then hillary was like, "i'm going." [ laughter ] [ applause ] aahh! whoo! when donald trump repeated himself, marco rubio -- who was also mocked for repeating himself called trump out on it. take a look at this. >> you have many different plans. you'll have so many different plans. they're going to have many, many different plans. >> now he's repeating himself. >> no. no. [ cheers and applause ] no. i don't repeat myself. i never repeat myself. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: i repeat, i don't repeat myself. [ light laughter ] of course, everyone was vying for speaking time. part of the problem was that if you weren't directly mentioned by another candidate, moderators didn't call on you to respond. i don't think ben carson was too happy about this. check it out. [ talking over each other ] >> our policy --
>> governor kasich, you have the floor. >> i have a response. you all have a response, but i could respond. >> can somebody attack me, please? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is good. then cnn said, "hey who turned [ laughter ] turn that thing off. it's not supposed to be on. and like always before the debate, the moderator went over normally candidates are cut off by a bell when the time is up. but last night was a little different. take a look. >> and as the candidates requested, a bell will sound like this. >> damn, daniel. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's what it is. down, daniel. down, daniel. so the former president george h.w. bush and his wife barbara were in attendance for the debate. or as jeb put it, first debate i'm not in is the one you show up to? [ laughter ]
[ applause ] just like little league! and my graduation! [ light laughter ] and my wedding. [ light laughter ] this made me laugh. this is really funny last night. lindsey graham, did you see this? he was talking about the republican primary last night. and now that he's been out of the race for a couple months, he's really letting loose. check it out. >> the nice guy is ben carson. he tried to kill his cousin. [ laughter ] and he hit his mother in the head with the hammer. how did i lose to these guys? [ laughter ] my party is going bat[ bleep ] crazy. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the good news is, even if lindsey isn't going to be president, at least he can be the best man at every wedding reception. [ laughter ] [ applause ] where is larry? there he is. got some crazy tech news.
built a 5'9" robot that can open doors and can actually get back up if it's punched. [ light laughter ] they didn't mean to test whether it can get up after being punched, well, it's boston. [ laughter ] so i mean -- [ cheers and applause ] not so tough, are you terminator? [ light laughter ] a company called boston dynamics has built a new robot that can walk just like a a person and can even get back up if you knock it down. look at this. [ light laughter ] kind of scary, right? [ light laughter ] there's actually some more footage of where he even has a a voice. you can tell what it is thinking. watch this. >> i'll pick up this box and place it on the shelf.
[ light laughter ] i will now pick up this box. i have picked up the -- dammit, carl. [ laughter ] why did you do that? i just want to pick up the box. seriously, carl? [ laughter ] all right, no more fooling around. just let me pick up the box. thank you. oh, [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] a-hole. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a great show. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ]
guys, come back again next week. steve martin, eddie brikell, margot robbie, tina fey. [ cheers and applause ] pharrell williams and gwynyeth paltrow will all be joining us. then we'll have music from santigold and this band who we've been trying to get on. what band would you like to have on that we never had on? the who will be here next week. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. our studio is going to break. they're going to break it in half. yeah. they're very loud. but first, you guys, from fx's "the people versus o.j simpson." i'm obsessed with this show. it's on fx. "the people versus o.j simpson: american crime story," the one and only nathan lane is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's fantastic. >> steve: brilliant. >> jimmy: he plays f. lee bailey and he's great in
also here to talk about the new season of "the americans," the lovely keri russell is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] we love keri russell! nathan, keri and i are going to play game of pyramid. yeah. i can't wait. that will be fun. plus, you know her as chloe from "24." i mean, come on. she's a fantastic actor. fantastic comedian. [ cheers and applause ] we have standup comedy from mary lynn rajskub, ladies and [ cheers and applause ] we don't have time for this -- guys today is friday. that's usually when i catch up on personal stuff. i check my inbox, return some e-mails and of course i send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] i was running a bit behind. so i thought if you guys wouldn't mind, i'd like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] thank you. thank you. thank you so much. james, can i have some thank you note writing music, please? [ light laughter ] wow. >> steve: it looks weary. >> jimmy: this look like -- not real.
wax figure? >> steve: wax james. >> jimmy: all right. madame tussaud. [ light laughter ] >> steve: or mr. tussaud. >> jimmy: thank you, president obama, for closing the prison at gitmo because it costs the government $85 million a year. like they say, gitmo money, gitmo problems. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you, donald trump, for calling hillary clinton a a marshmallow. [ light laughter ] which is pretty tough talk coming from someone who is the same color as a circus peanut. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] just saying. saying thank you. >> steve: that's it. it's a thank you note. >> jimmy: i was only saying thank you that's all. >> steve: just saying that's his hue is orange. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, the woman in london who is demanding a a lifetime supply of kit-kats after buying some that lacked
[ light laughter ] or as the maker of kit-kat put it, give me a break. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] come on. >> steve: just break me off a a piece of that kit-kat bar. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] thank you, prison guards, for allegedly finding boston mobster whitey bulger masturbating in his jail cell and then sentencing him to 30 days of solitary confinement. [ laughter ] if there is one way to punish a a guy that likes to do that kind of thing is to give him 30 days all by himself. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i'll teach you to -- bulger. >> steve: bulger. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, coming home from vacation, being the one time you actually get to know what your house truly smells like. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: wow, when did we have fish?
>> jimmy: thank you, lacrosse players for being really athletic butterfly catchers. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: damn, daniel. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] tough sport. >> steve: it is. >> jimmy: have you ever played that? >> steve: no. i'm a fat person. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: i played it once goofing around. >> steve: that rubber ball is hard. >> jimmy: i had someone jab me with a stick or something. >> steve: chasing you and then hurling it. >> jimmy: that's why i stick to quiddich. [ light laughter ] >> steve: yeah, really? i'll play the radio. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, people who collect vintage photos for basically saying, you know what would be fun? if i decorated my walls with dead strangers. [ light laughter ] [ applause ]
last one here. oh, damn daniel. damn, daniel. [ light laughter ] you sold the rights to damn >> i did. >> jimmy: to make a broadway musical? >> huge broadway musical. >> jimmy: congratulations. that's big, but you had nothing kids, did you? >> steve: no. no. but once they hear about me selling the rights to it -- >> damn daniel! >> jimmy: that's right. thank you, sea urchins for being the guy fieri of the ocean. [ laughter ] there you go. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with more of "the
they say denny's 7-pepper spicy skillet is crazy spicy, but how crazy could it be... denny's new crazy spicy skillet. denny's. welcome to america's diner. oh no, the car! told ya somebody should've waited in the car. it says there's a black car three minutes away! i'm not taking one of those. that one! they gave authorities the slip, in a prius. in the world are stealing our hearts. is that us? public support is at a fever pitch. what started as an amateur heist is now a global phenomenon. one does have to wonder,
look, we're trending! let me see that. we're famous! toyota. let's go places. proud of you, son. ge! a manufacturer. well that's why i dug this out for you. it's your grandpappy's hammer and he would have wanted you to have it. it meant a lot to him... yes, ge makes powerful machines. but i'll be writing the code that will allow those machines to share information with each other. i'll be changing the way the world works. (interrupting) you can't pick it up, can you? go ahead. he can't lift the hammer.
playing tonight are jimmy fallon and tariq trotter. [ cheers and applause ] i'm your host steve higgins. jimmy, who you are playing with tonight? >> jimmy: you are -- you are in a great mood today buddy. >> steve: thanks man. damn daniel. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he stars in the new fx series "the people versus o.j. simpson: american crime story." please welcome nathan lane! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow! and who's your partner tariq? >> tariq: well, she's the star of the fx drama, "the americans" which returns for the fourth season on march 16th.
[ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: okay. here's how we play. you will each be picking a a category and then you'll try to get your partner to guess as many words or phrases in that category you can in 30 seconds. the team with the highest score after four rounds is the winner. any questions? >> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy: you said that four -- >> steve: here are our categories tonight. [ laughter ] we have -- mixed messages, x-factor, john doe, "hakuna matata." [ laughter ] >> got it. >> steve: feli-city. [ laughter ] get it? jimmy, why don't you pick the first category? >> oh nice. >> sorry. i'm sorry. >> jimmy: already. were you holding back? >> i was a little nervous. i was holding on. go right ahead there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my god. >> steve: what are you gonna pick? >> jimmy: i'm going to pick -- >> hakuna matata. >> jimmy: hakuna matata.
>> steve: there we go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how do i not -- why would i even think about that. >> steve: this is -- this is '90s movies catch phrases. not 90 movie catch phrases, '90s movie catch phrases. >> jimmy: '90s movie catch phrases. >> steve: you have 30 seconds on the clock. >> jimmy: okay. are you ready? go. >> jimmy: jenny. [ laughter ] i can't say the name of the movie. gump. jenny says -- >> "forrest gump." >> jimmy: like she says, "go, go." >> yeah. >> jimmy: okay, pass. [ laughter ] titanic. titanic. >> life is like a box of chocolates. no. >> jimmy: no, yeah. something like that but you'd think it be that. >> no. no. >> jimmy: titanic. >> titanic. the titanic. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's standing on the end of the titanic. >> yeah. yeah. yeah. cause he says the catch phrase. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. you're great at this. [ buzzer ] >> it's a catch phrase. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh. oh, boy. >> oh not -- not since nick jonas. [ laughter ]
played this game so well. >> steve: all right, tariq. >> the catch phrase of titanic was, "let me on the raft." >> jimmy: no, no. it wasn't -- it wasn't -- [ laughter ] "i'm the king of the world!" >> i'm the king of the world," yes. >> steve: "king of the world," of course. >> oh, i blocked that out. >> steve: and "run, forest, run." >> jimmy: and "run, forest, run." >> steve: not "life is like a "run, forest, run." >> well that clue that took an hour. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's not the clue. problem. >> all right. >> steve: all right, tariq. >> we got this. >> i'm sorry. >> tariq: we got this. >> i wish i'd gone to college. [ laughter ] >> tariq: okay. >> steve: tariq are you ready? >> yeah. >> tariq: i am ready. >> steve: pick a category my friend. >> we got this. yeah. >> tariq: my category -- okay. >> what are we doing? >> tariq: john doe. >> oh crap. >> steve: john doe. these are famous people named john. >> tariq: okay, do i give that to you? >> i don't know. is this what the answers on? >> steve: famous people named john. 30 seconds on the clock, please. >> tariq: okay. >> steve: and go. >> famous people named john. okay. >> tariq: "imagine." >> john lennon. [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> tariq: okay. the other one who's named -- rhymes with -- twos. >> john hughes. >> tariq: yes.
[ cheers and applause ] >> tariq: okay. "grease lightning." >> oh, travolta. john travolta. [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> tariq: yes, okay. did -- did an album with the roots. "glory." >> john -- >> tariq: "glory." "glory." oscar award winning. >> yes, i know. [ buzzer ] >> tariq: oh, dear. >> but we still -- we still did better. >> tariq: yeah, we did okay. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: john legend. >> jimmy: that's the attitude. >> steve: john legend. >> jimmy: that's the attitude, we still did better. >> steve: all right, nathan? >> that's what i'm saying. >> steve: nathan. >> can we switch to "the match game?" >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> can we do the thing where you put on the big hands and just hit me? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we did that last night. >> all right. >> jimmy: we did that last night. >> steve: all right, nathan. >> all right. >> steve: pick a category. >> so i'm going to pick a a category now. >> jimmy: have you ever done -- it's "the pyramid." you understand. >> yeah, i remember. >> jimmy: have you ever done a a pyramid? >> i was excited in the '80s, they would write dick clark. i remember it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> sure. we're all worried about the iran-contra hearings. yes. [ laughter ] let's see. what would you like me to pick? >> jimmy: oh, stop. really? >> all right, mixed messages?
>> that's what i'm feeling. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: unbelievable. unbelievable. >> steve: always an entertainer. mixed messages. these are ways to send a a message. different ways to send a a message. you have 30 seconds on the clock. >> jimmy: got you. >> steve: and go. >> on the computer. >> jimmy: text, text, e-mail. >> right. [ ding ] a guy shows up in a tuxedo and says -- happy birthday >> jimmy: a singing gram. >> you're right. [ ding ] we're sinking. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> the ship is -- >> jimmy: the -- morse code. >> yes. [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] on the telephone, on the telephone, you're writing to someone. i'll meet you at the restaurant in 30 minutes. >> jimmy: oh that's one -- that's stop -- oh ,texting. >> yes. [ ding ] [ cheers ] you get in a plane and the plane is -- >> jimmy: sky writing! >> yes. [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] an indian would -- >> jimmy: smoke signal! >> yes! [ ding ] [ buzzer ] >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] wow! >> all right. >> steve: wow! >> jimmy: that was good.
>> jimmy: that was good. we did good. >> sure did. feels good. >> steve: six to three. >> jimmy: you found your calling. >> that was good. man, you got a professional game show player. >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: you're good at giving not good at receiving. [ laughter ] >> steve: hey oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> damn daniel. >> steve: woah! >> jimmy: you know what i meant. >> i say f. lee bailey. >> jimmy: you know what i meant. i know it's f. lee bailey. >> steve: all right, keri. >> yes. >> tariq: you got this, keri. >> okay. >> steve: are you ready? >> f. lee bailey. i don't like lee bailey. >> jimmy: f. lee bailey, yes. >> let's do this. >> which is ironic because my porn name used to be f. me daily. [ laughter ] that was years ago. >> years ago. like that. we don't talk like that. >> something for -- it's a a story for another show. >> jimmy: another show. another time. >> another time. >> jimmy: neither here -- >> we'll tell that. >> jimmy: not the time nor the place. >> that's a tale. >> steve: all right. ready, keri? [ laughter ] >> what should i -- >> steve: which category are you gonna pick? >> what should i choose? what should i choose?
>> steve: yep. >> tariq: okay. >> so we got these three left. hey, what's feli-city? >> steve: you gotta pick that one. >> like i have to, right? okay. >> jimmy: yeah, go ahead. >> i'm going. i'm going. >> steve: these are major u.s. cities. >> okay. >> steve: for the win. get three and you tie, four and you win. >> okay. oh, god. >> steve: 30 seconds on the clock. >> okay. come on. we got this. we got this. >> steve: and go. >> okay. the blank heat. >> tariq: miami. >> yes. [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> city of brotherly love. >> tariq: philly, philadelphia. [ ding ] >> got it. [ cheers and applause ] the city we are in. >> tariq: new york city. >> there we go. [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what kind of category is this? [ laughter ] "what are we sitting in?" "a chair." [ laughter ] >> west of us and big, big town. big -- >> tariq: chicago. >> yep. [ ding ] >> steve: woah! [ cheers and applause ] for the win! >> jimmy: what kind of category is that? i have "show me the money." i have, like, "run, forest, run." you get what city are you in? [ laughter ] it's like you just came out of a coma? [ laughter ] my thanks to nathan lane and keri russell. tariq! congratulations. >> thank you.
i apologize for that. [ cheers and applause ] 53 state wins, and t-mobile... whoa, whoa, whoa. listen, folks. i have to apologize, again. look, those were last years numbers. it says right here on the card. t-mobile doubled there lte coverage in the last year. and with more lte towers than verizon, t-mobile reaches pretty much everyone they do. i'm not taking responsibility on this one... uh-uh, verizon got it wrong... yes! not me!
we brought you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. feels like a bmw. reminds me a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. siri, open maps. she gets me. wow. it also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is. this is the 2016 chevy malibu. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology. that's a game changer. good morning sunset. good morning night. good morning neon, shining bright. good morning hunger. good morning stars. good morning people who just left bars.
good morning moon. good morning morning. which will be starting soon. get 30% off every guest every ship in the caribbean but hurry, this offer won't last long come seek the royal caribbean book today at 1-800-royalcaribbean. my house. my house, too! my bed, my squeaky toy... my goodness is that smokymeatytasty- bacon?? you like bacon? i do backflips for bacon! i make beelines for bacon! i'm gonna beat you to bacon! (vo) what makes dogs do the crazy things they do? beggin' because, bacon! why are all these people so asleep, yet i' m so awake? did you know your brain has two systems? one helps keep you awake- the other helps you sleep. science suggests when you have insomnia, the wake system in your brain may be too strong and your neurotransmitters remain too active as you try to sleep, which could be leading to your insomnia.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an actor. "the people versus o.j. simpson: american crime story," which airs tuesdays at 10:00 p.m. on fx. it is fantastic. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome nathan lane! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nathan lane. oh, it's great to have you back. >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you so much for being here. thank you for playing pyramid.
back. >> thank you, well, not really. but, no, it was a pleasure. thank you for having me back. i felt my last appearance left so many unanswered questions. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. we'll have more for you. >> but i love being here because i do a lot of talk shows. but the way you pretend to care [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, well sure. back. here is so nice. everyone. [ cheers ] >> yes. >> jimmy: nice. >> except i did meet one new intern who seemed kind of sad. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ laughter ] he's feeling much better now. >> oh, no. his mother was following him around telling everybody what a a good intern he was going to make. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. we love that guy. >> aw, it was sweet. >> jimmy: we're sorry to lose him, yeah. are you excited about oscar weekend? this is oscar weekend. >> i know, the caucasian awards. >> jimmy: yes. [ laughter ] this is a big year. >> of course, the annual caucasians are upon us. >> jimmy: very exciting. yeah. >> you know, obviously there's a diversity problem at the oscars this year. and who better to comment on it than a couple of white guys. >> jimmy: yeah. perfect, yeah. [ laughter ] that's what we're here to talk about. >> plus, we could -- we could
of diversity in hollywood, but i feel regardless of color, every actor is the same on the inside. desperate for attention. [ laughter ] and the oscars are on sunday and right about now they're starting to apply ryan seacrest's makeup. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, that's right. [ laughter ] oh, yeah. i always get together and watch that freak show. >> you know, to give him that not quite human look. yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. are you gonna have a big party? >> yes, every year i have a big oscar party. people complained. they asked last year about the cash bar. but -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you didn't do that. >> so, i learned my lesson. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and this year i'm accepting credit cards. [ laughter ] >> and then i have a little advice for those ridiculous red carpet interviews. nobody cares who you're wearing. >> jimmy: yeah. >> ask who you're screwing and the ratings will go through the roof. [ cheers and applause ] and my favorite movie of the year, of course, was jennifer lawrence in "joy." >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> it's a very intense film.
[ laughter ] and she -- she was phenomenal. and i have to say, the olsen twins were tremendous as the mops. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that wasn't the -- that wasn't the olsen -- >> that wasn't the olsen twins? >> jimmy: no, you gotta -- you better check their imdb. >> jimmy: did you stay for the credits? >> jimmy: no, you did not. >> the whole thing. you're my -- you know, you're my show business guru, my entertainment industry yoda. i have a question. [ light laughter ] i'm almost afraid to say it. it's been haunting me. the puppy monkey baby. >> jimmy: yeah? >> do you -- do you think it's real? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. >> or computer generated, 'cause i think it's real. >> jimmy: no i think it's -- >> 'cause i was so disturbed when i saw it. i -- i spit up my beluga caviar. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you were eating that during the super bowl? >> i go to a very -- i go to a a very high end super bowl party. [ laughter ] the puppy monkey baby. it sounds like something donald trump would hunt for sport. [ laughter ] idea. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> because, you know, come next
everybody happy if we should elect the hillary-marco-bernie. >> jimmy: yeah, this is very interesting. >> which would be a candidate who -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. this is -- it's a good idea. [ cheers and applause ] >> who has -- it's the head of bernie sanders, the body of hillary clinton and the legs of marco rubio. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and the guys put this together in a lab. >> jimmy: it's a real thing. >> i think we could make america great again one body part at a time. >> jimmy: thank you very much. you're very smart. thank you, nathan lane. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i appreciate this. >> sure. i love, and i already told you this, but i really love "the people versus o.j. simpson." >> i know. conversation backstage. tell me again why you think o.j. was innocent? [ laughter ] i'm kidding. i'm kidding. yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. that's all right. yeah. >> yeah. boy, you wouldn't stop once you >> jimmy: no. i got on my high horse. i got my soapbox, i had a point to make. i'm loving it.
>> jimmy: i'm loving every second of it. i'm loving every character that comes in. >> great. >> jimmy: john travolta -- >> tremendous. >> jimmy: -- is unbelievable. >> yes. >> jimmy: he's got the -- he's got the eyebrows. >> oh, yeah, yeah. no, a tremendous production. that is the only distraction was john travolta's eyebrows. >> jimmy: yeah. 'cause it's like exactly -- >> yeah. well, and you know, don't get me wrong. it's a brilliant performance. and he's the literally the nicest guy in the world to work with. and the eyebrows look exactly like robert shapiro. >> jimmy: robert shapiro's, yeah. >> but they were big. they were jurassic. >> jimmy: yeah. >> the eyebrows, they were, you know, i believe they were on loan from the groucho marx estate. [ laughter ] it looked like two chipmunks had climbed up on his forehead and quietly died. [ laughter ] one day, during lunch, i'm pretty sure i heard one of them bark. it was scary. it was scary, ladies and gentlemen. and, look, and he -- look, i'm so happy for the success of the show. because anything that helps america to learn more about the kardashian's is all right with me. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: and that's -- and that's what it's all about, right? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they love it.
you know, khloe, kourtney, kim, curly, moe, larry, shemp. [ laughter ] shemp. >> shemp kardashian. the little known shemp kardashian. >> jimmy: i never liked -- i never liked that kardashian. about me on twitter. in 3, 2, 1. >> jimmy: no, you deserve it. but you guys have to watch this. it's phenomenal. and you are great in everything. >> thank you. >> jimmy: but you were just great in this and everybody is fantastic. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: please check it out. "the people versus o.j. simpson: american crime story" airs tuesdays at 10:00 p.m. on fx. [ cheers and applause ] keri russell joins us next. stick around. shopping for an suv? well, this is the time. and your ford dealer is the place, to get 0% financing for 60 months on a ford suv. that's right. just announced. ford explorer...edge...escape... and expedition... are available with 0% financing for 60 months. ford suvs. designed to help you be unstoppable.
>> jimmy: hi! hey. >> hello. >> jimmy: keri. >> hello. >> jimmy: you look beautiful. you look stunning. thank you so much for being on the show. >> that's very nice. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: please. >> that's very nice of you. >> jimmy: thank you for playing pyramid, i guess. dude, you chose wrong. >> jimmy: dude, i totally did. [ laughter ] >> i was -- i didn't know what to do. i didn't know if i could say i don't wanna get into it. >> you chose wrong. >> jimmy: i'm just mad. i chose -- i didn't choose the teams. is that what you mean? >> jimmy: i didn't choose the no, i wanna be your teammate. [ laughter ] you know, we're always -- we're always competitive. >> we are, we are. but i was also the kid, you know, the annoying kid at tee-ball who was like playing shortstop or something and was like, "she's not gonna catch that at first base. i better get over there." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's how competitive you were. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you were like all the way over there. >> i'm like, "i'm gonna go catch that!" >> jimmy: yeah. nathan lane, you guys have met.
other?" >> yeah. >> jimmy: i go, oh, do you guys know each other? and turns out you almost did a a movie with him. >> we just like to take vacations together. >> jimmy: yeah, well, no, explain this. it's a good story. >> no, so we were supposed to do some independent and it was shooting in london. we were staying at this fancy hotel in london and then -- >> jimmy: they send you to london to do the movie? >> right. and then they -- their money kind of fell out. and they're like, "oh, just hang tight." so it was like nathan and i going around london having wonderful dinners. and then for a few weeks doing nothing. and then i remember i woke up one morning and had slipped this beautiful like short story book under my bed -- under my bed? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nathan. >> you know, what? you know, i was young. >> jimmy: and here we are, nine months later and -- [ laughter ] [ laughter ] under your door. under your door. he slipped a book under your door. >> under my door. >> jimmy: door, yeah. what was the note? >> and he's like i'm gonna wait this one out at home. >> jimmy: yeah, he left. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i wanna say >> thank you.
third baby? >> it's true. >> jimmy: this is beautiful. >> it is! >> jimmy: congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: so happy for you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: is river excited? >> they are very excited. river and willa are very excited. they've already come up with really funny names. >> jimmy: what are the names? >> willa -- willa the 4-year-old. >> jimmy: yeah. >> has already decided, she instantly said yoga. we were like, um. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yoga? >> so, that's kind of what we go with, but she also says necklace, jewel necklace would be a good name as well. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: jewel necklace. yeah. >> yeah, it's an option. >> jimmy: yoga or jewel necklace. hey, they're options. they're all -- they're definitely names. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: well, congrats to whatever the child is named. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we're happy with yoga, whatever. now you're currently shooting "the americans" right now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and how are they working this into the plot? are they? or no? are they shooting around it or what? >> i know a lot of people think pregnant ladies are scary. and they can be as you must know. >> jimmy: sure, absolutely, yeah. >> but, no, they sort of hide it. there's a lot of winter coat wearing, even in the bedroom.
>> jimmy: it's freezing in here. yeah, yeah. >> i'm so cold. i must keep this on. no, there's, you know a lot of tops. >> jimmy: yeah. so, you don't see it. so it's not really -- show. i'm just carrying lots of giant salad bowels and things like that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, a lot of people said that i look like your co-star in "the americans." >> yeah. yeah. here's a clip. a picture that somebody sent in. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: i think -- [ laughter ] and so i didn't know if that was true or not. so, tariq and i, we got side by side. we got a wig and redid it. [ laughter ] and that's not bad, right? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] well, i think we modeled that guy after you. >> jimmy: you really did. that's the character? >> yeah. >> jimmy: is that the jimmy fallon wig? >> yeah. like, we knew that you like to wear a lot of guy liner, too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i really do. >> yeah. >> jimmy: can you tell us what's happening on "the americans" this season?
the kid knows. the oldest girl, the teenager, our daughter knows that we're spies. >> jimmy: it's a good show. >> yeah, it's a fun show. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and really this season's more -- it's less about crazyaction things and more about the emotional kind of human cost of, you know, family dynamics and it's really -- it's a good show. >> jimmy: well, you're knocking it out of the park and i appreciate you coming back on the show. >> thank you. thanks for having me. >> jimmy: next time i wanna talk about yoga when you come back. we love you. >> that'd be great! >> jimmy: keri russell, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] season four of "the americans" premieres march 16th at 10:00 p.m. on fx. we'll be right back with stand-up comedy from mary lynn rajskub! stick around!
brace yourself... the first ever gsf is here. with a 467 horse power v8 engine... torque vectoring differential... and brembo brakes. it's the next expression of f performance, from lexus. when laquinta.com sends craig wilson a ready for you alert the second his room is ready, ya know what he becomes? great proposal! let's talk more over golf. great. how about over tennis? even better. a game changer! the ready for you alert, only at lq.com. so what's your news? i got a job! i'll be programming at ge. oh i got a job too, at zazzies. (friends gasp) the app where you put fruit hats on animals? i love that! guys, i'll be writing code that helps machines communicate. (interrupting)
(phone vibrates) look at it! (friends giggle) i can do dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs... you name it. i'm going to transform the way the world works. (proudly) i programmed that hat. and i can do casaba melons. i'll be helping turbines power cities. i put a turbine on a cat. (friends ooh and ahh) i can make hospitals run more efficiently...
my house. my house, too! my bed, my squeaky toy... my goodness is that smokymeatytasty- bacon?? you like bacon? i do backflips for bacon! i make beelines for bacon! i'm gonna beat you to bacon! (vo) what makes dogs do the crazy things they do? beggin' because, bacon! so my kids don't have to forage, got two jobs to pay a mortgage, and i've also got a brain. life's short, talk is cheap. still don't think i've got a brain? who'll step up when things get tough? don't you want that kind of brain? a degree is a degree. you're gonna want someone like me.
>> hi, guys. i'm so excited to be here in new york. it makes me so happy. yeah! [ cheers and applause ] i love it here. i just landed last night and i just feel the energy of the city. i see the lights. and i'm a world away from my husband and my kid and then -- [ cheers ] all the sudden it's like i'm miley cyrus. [ laughter ] i'm just like, let's do it. new york! the shirt comes off. it never comes back on. [ laughter ] i mean i put it on for now, here, for you guys. my name is mary lynn rajskub and -- thank you. a lot of people still recognize me from the hit television show "24." [ cheers and applause ] thank you. the thing is it's not really a a funny show. [ laughter ] i played a computer genius who can save the world using her
i can't really do that. [ laughter ] so class -- i don't -- i don't even really know how to type. [ laughter ] i mean every once in a while i will type something on the show. but if i did, it would just be a positive affirmation to myself. [ laughter ] so i'd be like, "i'm on it. you look really pretty today mary." [ laughter and applause ] i'm going as fast as i can. you're doing a really good job acting. [ laughter ] keep up the good work. emmys are right around the corner. [ laughter ] the other characters would come over hoping to see the hacked in government files. they would just see, you are a a devine child of god. [ laughter ] love and life surround you always. [ laughter ] i'm addicted to waze. [ cheers and applause ] yeah.
and just relinquish control. [ laughter ] tell me where to go, waze. tell me what to do. tell me in the voice of a a strong black man. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i love naps. i'm not talking about oh, i took a nap for 20 minutes, i'm refreshed. no, i'm talking about when you can take like a three, four hour just chunk out of the day. [ cheers and applause ] you know you're doing something right in life when you can afford to nap like that in the middle of the day. or maybe there is some depression. [ laughter ] i like it. i had a blackout nap the other day. i woke up, felt pretty good. i looked around and then i thought, my house is beautiful. and then i realized i had fallen asleep in ikea. [ laughter ] in their example bed in their fake room. [ laughter ] i really didn't get it. i just went into the kitchen
no snacks. [ laughter ] but it really didn't sink in until i was following all the yellow arrows on the floor to a a row of bathrooms. none of them were real. [ laughter ] i kind of freaked out. i was like, why is this happening to me? i'm an international superstar. i need to relieve myself. [ laughter ] my husband had to calm me down. he took me to get some meatballs. i am married. i don't know how i cobbled that together. i'm pretty proud of myself. [ laughter ] thanks. [ cheers and applause ] you didn't need to applause. it's a pretty normal thing that people do. i'm proud of myself mostly because my husband was a total rebound. [ laughter ] i -- and also he picked me up which doesn't happen to me. didn't happen -- i mean i know it's hard to believe because i have this package and everything. [ laughter ] but guys don't pick up on me.
faces in life. i have one of the faces where people are like, "hey, why don't you smile?" and i'm like, "i am smiling." [ laughter ] so when he picked me up, it was on, right? and three months into dating i was totally pregnant. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you know what's more scary than being pregnant? having the baby. so i tried to have a natural birth but my son's head was so big. it's just a big old skull. he's a genius. [ laughter ] i mean he's like the real deal. he's not going to just pretend to be one on tv like his mom. [ laughter ] but his head was so big and my body was so tiny. so i had to have an emergency c section. you're totally out of it, right? i'm on drugs. baby. so i had this dramatic moment of realization. i was like, "is that the baby? that's it?
[ laughter ] i really don't. is there a receipt or something? what is the return policy on this? can he hear me? [ laughter ] oh, keep it? you just keep it. okay. we kept him. he's 7-years-old. thank you. he's doing great. [ laughter ] we live in los angeles and, of course, we have no winter there. so the other day he pushed me in the pool. yeah. i went right inside. i got on my laptop and just wiped out his 529 college savings plan. [ laughter ] it cost me 10% to get the money out. but i was so cold and wet and angry that i didn't give a a damn. i went right to the first, most expensive site i could think of which was mercedes.com and i just bought a travel mug. [ laughter ] what? that's all the money i had in his savings account. you guys are looking at me like, mary lynn, you're a huge tv star. didn't you mach a lot of money?
and i spent that money. [ laughter ] it's not that hard to do. it's money. so then i see my son, he's cowering in the corner. i go, what are you doing? he goes, are you going try to push me in the pool? i was like, no, you'll get it. [ laughter ] later. when you try to go to college. [ laughter ] don't touch mommy's coffee mug. that's special. thanks a lot you guys. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mary lynn rajskub. [ cheers and applause ] catch her at the comedy zone in jacksonville, florida march 3rd through the 5th.
symptoms of depression. "for me, brintellix made a difference." tell your doctor right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. brintellix has not been studied in children. do not take with maois. tell your doctor about your medications, including migraine, psychiatric and depression medications, to avoid a potentially life-threatening condition. increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur, especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin, or blood thinners. manic episodes or vision problems may occur in some people. may cause low sodium levels. the most common side effects are nausea, constipation and vomiting. brintellix did not have significant impact on weight. ask your doctor if brintellix could
stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- john oliver, from "saturday night live", actress aidy bryant, cooking cheeseburgers with chef april bloomfield, featuring the 8g band with jaleel bunton. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear.