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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  April 21, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EDT

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that's it for news 4 tonight at 11:00. >> have a great night. let's go crazy let's get nuts
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[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- ben affleck. zoe lister-jones. musical guest, zayn. and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 440, cleveland! >> steve: and now, here he is,
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, thank you! oh, oh! that's what you want. welcome, everybody, welcome, welcome, welcome. welcome to the "tonight show." thank you very much for being here. you made it. [ cheers and applause ] it's a big show tonight. thank you so much. here's what everyone is talking about. i saw that donald trump and ted cruz feuded this week. [ laughter ] that's something new. that's something new, yeah. >> jimmy: they were feuding this week after an attack ad featured a nude photo of trump's wife, melania. [ audience oohs ] and trump threatened to retaliate against ted cruz's wife, heidi. [ audience oohs ] and while trump and cruz were arguing, melania and heidi quietly escaped. [ cheers and applause ] that's right, donald trump is furious over an ad featuring a a nude photo of melania trump. trump's mostly furious because
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melania naked in years. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and listen to this, i read that the state department is having to hire more staffers to review all of the requests that are being filed for hillary clinton's emails. or as hillary put it, "see, i'm creating jobs already. [ laughter ] i told you!" [ cheers and applause ] but here's some good news for hillary clinton. yesterday she received the endorsement of "rolling stone" magazine. while bernie sanders received the endorsement of "kidney stone magazine." [ laughter and applause ] "i've been on the cover more than any other person!" hillary also targeted donald trump's recent comments on foreign policy, saying if trump gets his way, it will be like christmas for russia. then russians were like, "so,
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[ laughter and applause ] "in russia, santa gets shoved down chimney." that's right, hillary clinton said that if donald trump becomes president it will be like christmas in the kremlin. christmas in the kremlin, which actually sounds like an amazing holiday movie starring vladimir putin. [ laughter ] it's on the hallmark channel. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: on a marathon. >> jimmy: it's on abc family. formerly known as -- >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: house speaker paul ryan gave a speech on the state of american politics yesterday. and it seems like he had a lot of very specific ideas. take a look at this. >> i want to talk with you about what politics can be. i want to talk about what our country can be. about what our founders envisioned it would be. and that is, what politics should be. that's what it can be. that's what it has been, and that's what, if we all work together and focus on it, it can be again. that is where it doesn't need to be, and where it wasn't and
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: should be. can be? is he the speaker of the house or the philosophy major of the house? [ laughter ] [ applause ] can be, should be. it shouldn't be. be, be, be. as the other -- the other big story this week is the hulk hogan sex tape trial with hulk hogan poised to win $140 million in damages. of course he has his lawyer to thank for that. and if you haven't seen his lawyer, take a look. >> what mr. denton is trying to do is shift the focus of this lawsuit. that language that may have been on the tape really does not come into play. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: as soon as they saw that, supercuts was like, "objection, your honor!" [ laughter and applause ] that's really saying something when you're sitting with hulk hogan and people are staring at you.
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even donald trump was like, "no way that hair is real. there's no way. he's wearing a piece!" [ applause ] [ dog growling ] "good boy. be good, be good. [ dog growling ] all right. [ dog growling ] okay, boy. we're going to go to the park. i'm going to go walk my hair." i thought this was interesting, a new study found that women with natural blonde hair had a a higher average iq score than brunettes and redheads. [ cheers ] so, for you natural blondes out there, a higher iq means you're smarter. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it's a good thing, it's a good thing. it's cool. [ light laughter ] finally, i saw that two trucks carrying beer and frito lay's
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florida. causing snacks and beer to spill out onto the highway. so if we just add a truck full of recliners and televisions, i think we just found my dad's retirement spot. [ laughter ] we have a great show, give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey everybody! what! it's been a great week so far, there's more ahead. tomorrow night, oscar-nominated actress amy adams will be here! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a fun new game planned with her, be sure to tune in for that. plus we have music from brett eldredge and thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] that's tomorrow night. but first, we have a fantastic show. it's a hot show tonight. >> steve: a hot, hot show. >> jimmy: this is a hot, hot,
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[ cheers and applause ] first, this guy is a big, big movie star in a big, big movie. from "batman v superman: dawn of justice," batman himself, ben affleck is here! [ cheers and applause ] i love ben affleck. >> steve: come on, i love me the ben. >> jimmy: love ben affleck. ben's going to fill us in on the movie, then and he and i are going to do what tough guys do, play a round of "pup quiz." now this is -- this is our animal trivia game where the winner takes home puppies. [ cheers ] plus, from the hit comedy series, "life in pieces" and the new hbo film, "confirmation," zoe lister-jones is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] and that's -- that's it. >> steve: that's it. >> jimmy: that's all we got -- >> no! >> jimmy: no. i forget we had something else. >> steve: what's that? [ screams and applause ] >> jimmy: the puppies are going
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[ laughter ] oh my gosh. >> jimmy: my main man, zayn is here tonight, everybody! [ screams and applause ] he's the best. >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: guys, "batman v superman: dawn of justice" comes out tomorrow. so we thought we'd celebrate the only way we know how, by taking footage from the classic saturday morning "superfriends" cartoons and editing it to make it sound like batman and superman are rapping ll cool j's "mama said knock you out." [ laughter ] please enjoy this "tonight show" video mix tape. [ cheers and applause ] don't call it a comeback i've been here for years i'm rocking my peers puttin' suckers in fear makin' the tears rain down like a monsoon
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explosions overpowerin' over the competition i'm towerin' i'm gonna take this itty bitty world by storm and i'm just gettin' warm shadow boxing when i heard you on the radio i just don't know damage damage damage damage i'm gonna knock you out mama said knock you out i'm gonna knock you out mama said knock you out [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. stick around, we'll be right back with "tonight show" hashtags, everybody! come on back!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. you guys, it's time for the "tonight show" hashtags. here we go! hashtags
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>> jimmy: you guys are on twitter, right? [ cheers ] well, it's fun. we use twitter on our show every single week, so if you watch our show and you want to play along, we do this thing every wednesdays, where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. so since "my big fat greek wedding 2" is in theaters this weekend, i went on twitter and started a hashtag called "wedding fail." [ light laughter ] i asked you guys to tweet us something funny, weird or embarrassing that you've seen at a wedding. it could even be your own wedding. we got thousands of tweets. in fact, within 30 minutes it was a trending topic in the u.s. [ cheers and applause ] so thank you for the tweets. now i thought i would share some of my favorite wedding fail tweets from you guys. here we go. the first one's from @taylorsmomdrk. [ light laughter ] she says, "my dad lost weight for my wedding and during our father/daughter dance his pants fell down." [ laughter ] [ applause ] no one was looking. >> steve: nobody was watching. >> jimmy: no one was watching that part, honey. >> steve: no one is going to
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>> jimmy: that's not important. >> steve: everybody is going to remember how good you looked in that dress. [ light laughter ] you're going to like the way you look. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. this one's from cergcarrell. she says, "my aunt had her wedding by a lake and a couple guys kept driving past on a a boat yelling, 'don't do it, man!'" [ laughter ] [ applause ] oh no. come on. >> steve: come on. show a little class. >> jimmy: this is from @valrob. she says, "while preparing for my wedding, my dad kept referring to save the dates as stds." [ laughter ] [ applause ] "honey, i just gave an std to your grandmother! [ light laughter ] very exciting news." >> steve: we're gonna serve crabs. >> jimmy: the big day is here. [ light laughter ] this one's from @passthepino. [ light laughter ] >> steve: pass the pino. >> jimmy: she says, "a dead bird was in front of the church, so none of the first-generation italians came in because they thought we were cursed."
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no, we will not enter! >> jimmy: this one's from @lauraann04. she says, "during my cousin's wedding the pastor kept pronouncing her name as corn. her name is corrine." [ light laughter ] [ applause ] do you, corn, take this man -- [ light laughter ] "yes, but no." [ light laughter ] guess i'm changing my name to corn, honey. >> steve: get the corn. >> jimmy: wonder where he popped the question -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: hey! her dad's a kernel. >> jimmy: her dad's a kernel. that's something he said. [ light laughter ] >> steve: selling me out. selling me out to -- [ laughter ] that's so bad. >> jimmy: that's pretty lame. >> steve: the kernerl. >> jimmy: that's pretty lame. that was bad. [ laughter ] >> steve: miss redenbacher. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this one's from @mikesweeps124. he says, "the priest asked if
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the bride's 90-year-old italian grandpa stood up for a second and sat back down, saying 'no, no, i kid, i kid.'" [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: it was a bird. >> jimmy: i kid, i kid. a bird is dead in the front. [ imitating italian ] [ light laughter ] >> steve: they not getting married in the church. her name is corn! [ laughter ]roi will stalk her! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: take care, man. i miss him, steve higgins, what a great guy. oh, you're back? >> steve: yeah, shucks. [ light laughter ]
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>> jimmy: higgins, higgins, come back, come back. come back, come back, come back. we need you here. >> steve: i'll stay. >> jimmy: we need you. yeah. >> steve: it's rough out there. >> jimmy: yeah, no i was just -- buttering you up. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh, my god. you all right? it's like a maze out there. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: take care, man. get out of here. hey, come redenbacher. come on. [ light laughter ] [ light laughter ] >> steve: my head hurts! zayn is here! >> jimmy: zayn is here.
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>> steve: oh my god. he'll be here. >> jimmy: he will be here. >> steve: he's coming. >> jimmy: he will be here. >> steve: he will -- [ light laughter ] this last one's from @ladymurl3. she says, "the church sign read on my wedding day, 'god can make miracles out of mistakes.'" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] there you go. that's the sign. there you have them, the "tonight show" hashtags. to check out more of our favorites go to tonightshow.com/hashtags. we'll be right back with ben affleck, everybody!
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take on the unexpected.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are joined right now by a bona fide movie star. and multiple academy award-winning writer and filmmaker. we love the guy. starring tomorrow in imax and imax 3d, you can see him opposite henry cavill, in the biggest movie of the year -- "batman v superman: dawn of justice." [ cheers and applause ] please welcome back to the show, ben affleck, everybody!
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>> jimmy: those are not -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: those are not plants. >> those are a lot of plants. >> jimmy: no, they were -- that's not -- now you were -- >> paid a lot of money. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: please, buddy. we love you. good to see you. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: congratulations on the film -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: "batman v superman", out tomorrow, in imax and imax 3d. >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's a giant, giant movie. i saw this movie at a screening on 42nd street at a giant imax thing and it was at a dolby theater. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: i don't know what that is, but -- [ light laughter ] >> it's loud. >> jimmy: but man, oh, man, it was loud and our seats were like rumbling as -- i was like, "oh, my gosh." i've never heard -- it was just such a giant thing. and i was left and the guy was like, "did you like those rumble seats?" [ light laughter ] but it is -- would you say this is a good movie to go see with crowds? 'cause you just -- >> this is definitely the kind of movie to see with a -- big event movie, huge crowd. see it. it's a lot of fun.
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explosive movie. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: i really appreciate you being here, because you've been all around the world. this movie is opening in 65 countries, 35,000 screens. [ cheers ] one of the biggest movie openings in the history of film. >> yeah, it's a lot. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah, it's a lot. >> jimmy: bigger than "argo"? or about the same? >> yeah, a little bigger than "argo." yeah. [ light laughter ] a hair bigger than we did for "argo" on a screen half the size. >> jimmy: look at this. this is, here you are -- is this mexico city? >> yeah. we had 10,000 people there. it was kind of -- [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: look at this. >> amazing, yeah. >> jimmy: how fun is that? >> it was intense, yeah. not quite the "gone girl" premiere. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but up there, right? it must be exciting and you're getting critical praise as well. richard roper, in the "chicago sun-times", said there's not a a moment when you don't believe affleck is bruce wayne. comicbook.com, they said affleck is the greatest onscreen batman.
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>> do don't -- >> jimmy: not too shabby! not bad. >> don't scare people into thinking this is a critical film. we're not going for the film critic circle. this is an audience movie. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> people will actually like this movie. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: such a great -- it's a popcorn movie. it's exactly what you want it to be. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: it's giant. i should say, go get a cup of coffee before you go see this movie, because there's a reason why. you're doing a cool thing with the congo. >> yes. i am doing a cool thing with the congo. i started a little thing called "the eastern congo initiative." congo is a big country in africa that used to grow a lot of coffee. and then they had a terrible war for about 15 years where between three and five million people died and their capacity to produce coffee -- they were like, you know, florida is to citrus, they were to coffee. they lost 90% of their ability to grow coffee. what our organization is doing is hooking up coffee farmers and trying to build their
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their ability to grow coffee back to where it was. and we're hooking them up with our partners, usaid and howard buffett and starbucks, and getting them back up to par and hooking them up with people who will buy their coffee on the market. and we've, so far, we've started this partnership with starbucks. they bought a hundred -- they bought enough coffee so far for 11 million cups of coffee. [ cheers and applause ] and you can buy congo coffee at starbucks grocery stores, specialty stores. it's going really well. we've tripled 25,000 congolese farmers' incomes. [ cheers and applause ] it's really exciting. >> jimmy: you're a good man for doing this. >> it's really, really exciting. >> jimmy: if you want to follow, keep track of the story, @easterncongo on twitter. but i think it's a cool thing. you're always doing something, you're always giving back. so i appreciate that. >> thanks very much. >> jimmy: because you got this giant film. get ready. i want to show everyone a clip. it's action packed. here's a clip. this is "batman v superman: dawn of justice", in theaters tomorrow.
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[ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you can't fly. >> i'm on the ground. >> jimmy: you can't fly. [ yelling ] [ cheers and applause ] >> i told you it was good. >> jimmy: amazing. action packed. we don't want spoilers. >> did you feel your seats were shaking. >> jimmy: rumbling? did you feel it? we never do this, but i'd like to show a second clip of the film. >> that's amazing. thank you very much. >> jimmy: we never do this on the show. >> you're incredible. >> jimmy: that's how exciting the movie is. i want to show everyone. here's ben affleck as batman and jeremy irons as alfred, in "batman v superman: dawn of justice", in theaters all over the plant earth tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ]
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the war to us two years ago. jesus, alfred, count the dead. thousands of people. what's next? billions? he has the power to wipe out the entire human race. and if we believe there's even a 1% chance that he is our enemy, we have to take it as an absolute certainty. and we have to destroy him. >> but he is not our enemy. >> not today. 20 years in gotham, alfred, we've seen what promises are worth. how many good guys are left? how many stayed that way? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ben affleck! ben, yesterday was national puppy day. >> you don't have to tell me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: so i thought we'd celebrate together. ben affleck and i are playing "pup quiz" after the break. is that cool? stick around, everybody! it'll be fun! ben affleck!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: welcome back to the "tonight show." [ laughter ] i'm steve higgins. and we are about to play pup quiz! [ cheers and applause ] playing tonight, the host of the "tonight show," mr. jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] and, from the new movie, "batman v superman: dawn of justice," ben affleck! [ cheers and applause ] now all of our puppies -- tonight are dressed up as their favorite superhero. [ cheers ] and this is the first puppy up for grabs in the role of batman, himself. it's gary frick jr. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, buddy.
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works, i will be asking you trivia questions based on animal things. if you answer them correctly, you win a golden retriever puppy. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: based on animal themes? >> steve: yes, animal themes. [ light laughter ] and answered incorrectly, your opponent gets a puppy. most puppies at the end of the game is the pup quiz winner. [ cheers and applause ] now ben, since you're our guest you're up first and the question is for you. >> okay. all right. >> steve: in the dc comic series -- >> oh, forget it. [ light laughter ] >> steve: what was the name of batmine's -- batman's canine crime-fighting partner? was it a, rex the wonder dog? b, ace the bat hound. or c, bat dog? >> you know, i'm just going to go with bat dog. >> steve: bat dog, judges? no. [ buzzing ] >> no! >> steve: it was ace. ace. jimmy, you win gary frick jr. >> oh no!
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>> jimmy: wow. >> steve: that's got to hurt. >> it stings. that was in my wheel house. >> jimmy: that stings, yeah. [ talking over each other ] >> steve: jimmy, next question is for you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: which one of these birds, which one of these birds is native to the forests -- >> jimmy: are you kidding me? >> steve: -- of south america. >> jimmy: what? he got what's batman's dog called. >> steve: is it a, the shaft-tailed finch. >> jimmy: i don't know. [ light laughter ] >> steve: b, the white-bellied bustard. [ light laughter ] or c, the purple honeycreeper. which one? just take a guess. it's not this bird. >> jimmy: which one of these birds -- >> steve: jimmy, this is a a bird -- it's not this bird. >> jimmy: yeah, i know. i'm not looking. i'm not looking on purpose. [ light laughter ] all right. yeah, thank you. hmm. well, i used to vacation on the
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[ light laughter ] i remember always using, take my, i would take my binoculars down. >> steve: yes. >> jimmy: take my, cover my flask of buttermilk. >> steve: yes. your warm buttermilk, wherever you go. >> jimmy: that's correct. and i go honey, look at the white-bellied bustards! >> steve: really? that's what you would say? >> jimmy: that's what i'm saying. >> steve: no, it was the purple honeycreeper. [ buzz ] >> jimmy: i brought my own white-bellied bustards. that's the -- >> steve: ben wins kyle mcadams who is dressed as superman! [ cheers and applause ] how ironic. [ dog barking ] you know what that sound means? time for double puppardy. [ laughter ] questions are worth two puppies. and the next question is for ben. >> all right. >> steve: in 2013, what type of animal did scientists prove has a sense of rhythm, making it the first nonhuman to keep a
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was it a, an orangutan. b, sea lion. or c, crow? >> i'm going to go with orangutan. >> steve: would you think, it's the sea lion. >> oh, god. [ buzzing ] >> steve: jimmy, you win mary kennedy dressed as wonder woman and ted mooney dressed as the flash. [ cheers and applause ] oh my goodness. >> jimmy: oh my god. this is unbelievable. >> steve: wow. >> look at the puppies. >> steve: flash. >> jimmy: come here. >> steve: wonder woman! >> jimmy: wonder woman goes here. >> steve: there you go. >> flash. >> steve: that's the flash. next question goes to you, jimmy. [ audience awws ] >> steve: oh no, secret identity. >> jimmy: secret identity. [ light laughter ] batman, come here. >> steve: bruce wayne? what?
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everyone. >> jimmy: i'm not ruining it. sorry, all right. >> steve: jimmy, this question is for you. >> jimmy: yes. [ light laughter ] >> steve: with more than 2.4 million followers, who is the most popular dog on instagram. >> jimmy: oh, okay. i think i've met this dog. >> steve: is it a, marnie the dog. >> jimmy: no. [ light laughter ] >> steve: b, doug the pug. >> jimmy: that's a made up name. [ light laughter ] >> steve: or c, maru taro, the shiba inu. >> jimmy: it's got to be maru taro, the shiba inu. >> steve: yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. >> steve: you win michelle gordon as supergirl and lisa armstrong as bat girl. [ cheers and applause ] let's get them out here. wow, you're swimming in puppies. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh my gosh. >> steve: there you go. do you have any shiba in you? [ dog barking ] you know what that sound means? time for final puppardy. this is for all your opponent's
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[ light laughter ] this is -- you can win all on this one. >> i can still do it. i can still get there. [ light laughter ] >> steve: ready? [ light laughter ] get your board, write down the answer to this question. who's ever closest to the correct answer is the pup quiz champion. [ light laughter ] roughly how many dogs live in new york city? you have ten seconds, starting as of right now! more than six because i see six puppies here now. [ light laughter ] somewhere between six and infinity. how many? [ buzzer ] okay. jimmy, what did you write down? >> jimmy: 10 million. >> steve: 10 million dogs. [ light laughter ] that's a lot of honking dogs. ben wrote down 2 million. the answer is -- 600,000!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: go ahead. take a couple of them. >> steve: that's a lot of puppies. >> jimmy: our thanks to ben affleck. >> steve: i want all of them. >> jimmy: and all of these adorable puppies. [ cheers and applause ] zoe lister-jones joins us after the break! stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] today' s the day! oh look! creepy gloves for my feet. see when i was a kid there was a handle. and a face. this is nice. and does it come in a california king? getting roid rage. hemorrhoid. these are the worst, right? i' m gonna buy them. boom. i' ll take them. impulse buy. ommmmmmmmmmm. american express presents the blue cash everyday card with no annual fee. it' s all happening. cash back on purchases. here we go! backed by the service and
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it's the obvious choice. be careful. sheila scares easily. hello! nice to meet you! welcome, welcome! today i'm going to show you the all-new 2016 chevy cruze and ask you what you think. but here's the catch. you can only answer in emojis. what emoji would you use to describe the design? (sfx: message sent) i think it's sexy. mm-mm-mm! ...it has available built-in 4g lte wifi (sfx: message sent) rock on. that's excellent. we got wifi. this car gets an epa estimated 40 mpg highway. this car is like a unicorn. it's magical! the new money monopoly game is at mcdonald's with 100 million food and cash prizes. 100 million prizes? that's more prizes than all the scottish terriers in the us! hey, i just won $50 bucks! 100 million prizes! 1 in 4 wins!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to "the tonight show"! still coming up, a performance by zayn! [ cheers and applause ] but first, our next guest stars in the popular cbs comedy series, "life in pieces," which airs its one-hour season finale next thursday at 8:30 p.m. it's a funny show. you can also see her in the new hbo film, "confirmation." it premieres saturday, april 16th at 8:00 p.m. here's the lovely, the talented zoe lister-jones. [ cheers and applause ]
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[ cheers and applause ] zoe! zoe lister-jones. >> hello. >> jimmy: thank you for coming on the show. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's a pleasure to meet you. >> thank you. you know, we've actually met once before. >> jimmy: yes, of course, and -- >> no, no, i don't want you to remember it. it's something that haunts me. but i -- >> jimmy: what? >> we met when i was 19. so just like a year and a half ago. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> i was in a band in college called maxi geil. which was a kind of an art-glam pop band. maxi geil is german for "super-horny." i didn't come up with the name. [ laughter ] it was me and, like, a bunch of dudes and our bassist started dating molly shannon. >> jimmy: who i love, of course, from "saturday night live." we love molly shannon. >> and you were on "snl" with her at the time. and they got serious, they had a house-warming party. and i went to the house warming party. and it was, for my 19-year-old self, it was a very grown-up event. i had never been at like a a party with celebrities before.
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you, because i had a big crush on you. so -- [ cheers ] thank you, thank you. and so i said to molly, when i got there, i was like, "will you introduce me to jimmy? like, i have such a big crush on him." she was like, "he's so cool. just go, like, say hi to him, he's super nice." so i was like, "okay." so i went to the bar to get a a drink to, like, work up my courage. and i'm standing at the bar, and you walk up to it. it's just the two of us at the bar and you're like, "hey." and i turn around and i look you in the eye and i just walk away. [ laughter ] i couldn't handle it. yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: yeah. i do. i remember that. absolutely. [ laughter ] >> you remember that. no, the story doesn't end there. so i walk away. [ light laughter ] because i wasn't ready, you know? i needed it to be on my terms. >> jimmy: it wasn't your moment. yeah. >> it wasn't my moment. it didn't feel right. >> jimmy: okay. >> so then i'm like kicking myself. i'm like, "this is your opportunity, zoe. like, come on, get your ish together." so i see that you're across the
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two girls. they're normal. i don't want to say they're basic, they're normal, you know? [ laughter ] i'm not -- they're not super models, you know? and i was like, "okay, you got this." you know? [ laughter ] so, so -- i'm like, "okay. this is it." but i notice you're actually saying good-bye to these girls. and that you're like making your rounds of good-byes. i'm like, "oh, no. the window is closing. you've got to go do this." so you go and say good-bye to matthew broerick and amy sedaris -- who, for me, at 19, this was a a very overwhelming trifecta. like, these were all icons for me. so i was super nervous and i think that i must have blacked out. because what unfolds after this is like, inexplainable to me. so, i see that you're shaking their hands, i beeline for you. you are shaking -- going in to shake matthew broderick's hand. >> jimmy: yes. >> i -- oh, my god, we're
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[ laughter ] i can't. hold on, hold on, hold on. this is trippy, man. okay, so you go in to shake matthew broderick's hand. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. >> you go this way. like, he's here. okay. >> jimmy: take care, man. >> and i come in, i intercept the handshake. [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, yeah. but now look at me with horror. like -- yeah. exactly. [ laughter ] and then -- that's almost like you're going to puke. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. i'm not a good actor. i'm not a good actor. >> no, no. but i like it. that's good. that's good. good. and then i just went, "good night, jimmy." [ laughter ] and i dropped the mic and i walked away. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. pleasure. wow. what an interesting story. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's insane. >> it was insane. >> jimmy: we have met before. >> we've met before. >> jimmy: i do remember that. it was a fun party. >> it was a fun party. not for me. i was -- i was struggling throughout the party. >> jimmy: no, but look at -- >> but my mission was accomplished.
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>> look at me now. >> jimmy: come on, we're talking here. we shook hands. no one's in harm. i'm a fan. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i want to say hi to you now. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: it's so exciting. well you're crushing it on the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's the big hit new show of the season. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: "life in pieces." colin hanks, too. who, come on, i love that guy. >> yeah, he's a dream. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you guys, it's good. it's good stuff. it's great cast. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you guys got to see it. you're unbelievable. you're fantastic. it's really great. yeah. hey, i love it. please, pleasure. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: the pleasure is all mine. the pleasure is all mine, please. zoe lister-jones, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] the season finale of "life in pieces" airs next thursday at 8:30 p.m. and "confirmation" premieres april 16th on hbo. we got music from zayn, when we come back, everybody. have you heard of zayn?
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, get ready! our next guest hit number one with his first single, and his
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"mind of mine." it's out today. performing "like i would" with a little help from the roots, please welcome back zayn! [ cheers and applause ] hey what's up it's been a while talking 'bout it's not my style thought i'd see what's up while i'm lighting up it's cold-hearted cold-hearted know it's late but i'm so wired saw your face and got inspired guess you let it go now you're good to go it's cold-hearted cold-hearted oh oh it's probably gonna sound wrong promise it won't last long
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never go back thought you'd like to know that he won't touch you like i do he won't love you like i would he don't know your body he don't do you right he won't love you like i would love you like i would it's okay to want me 'cause i want you been thinkin' it over but i'm through so stop wasting all my time messing with my mind it's cold-hearted cold-hearted oh oh it's probably gonna sound wrong promise it won't last long oh oh if we can never go back thought you'd like
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he won't touch you like i do he won't love you like i would he don't know your body he don't do you right he won't love you like i would love you like i would like i would he won't touch you like i do he won't love you like i would he don't do you right he won't love you like i would love you like i would like i would he don't know your body he don't know your body he won't touch you like i do he won't love you
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he don't know your body he don't do you right he won't love you like i would love you like i would like i would he won't touch you like i do he don't love you like i would he don't know your body he don't do you right he won't love you like i would love you like i would like i would [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: zayn! "mind of mine" is out now. thanks, buddy. my thanks to ben affleck, zoe lister-jones, zayn, once again! and the roots! [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth myers." thank you for watching, have a a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- claire danes, from nbc's "the carmichael show," comedian, jerrod carmichael, u.s. ambassador to the united nations, samantha power, featuring the 8g band with brann dailor. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. according to a new poll, hillary clinton is beating

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