tv North Carolina News at 1100PM CBS November 6, 2016 11:30pm-12:00am EST
? come and knock on our door ? ? come and knock on our door ? ? we've been waitin' for you ? ? we've been waitin' for you ? ? where the kisses are hers and hers and his ? ? three's company, too ? ? come and dance on our floor ? ? come and dance on our floor ? ? take a step that is new ? ? take a step that is new ? ? we've a lovable space that needs your face ? ? three's company, too ? ? down at our rendezvous ? ? down at our rendezvous ?
hi. hi. officer... is there something we can do for you? hey, don't i know you from somewhere? no, i don't think so. jack: is something wrong? oh, yeah... a woman called to complain. she said you're causing a disturbance. oh, our music was too loud, huh? well, yeah. she's also upset because she can't get her husband down off the roof. well, she can't blame us for that. oh, yes, she can. he's up there with binoculars watching these girls dance. hey, you know. i know i've seen you somewhere before. chrissy, don't bother the nice policeman. you know, you do look kind of familiar. i know, what's your name? chrissy! chrissy snow! no, my name is chrissy snow. i know, i'm jay garfield. jay garfield! ( chrissy screaming )
i get the feeling they know each other. i hope so. i've never seen anybody frisked like that before. oh, jack, janet, this is jay garfield. my cousin from san diego. hi. oh, hi. well, actually we're distant cousins. san diego is not so far. no, no, i meant we are fourth or fifth cousins, not first. my mother's brother's wife, uncle bud, is married to your father's step-sister's nephew's aunt vi. oh, no, no, that's not right. uncle bob is your father's sister's husband's cousin. can you follow that? yeah, sure, it's the theory of relativity. but i thought your mother and my uncle... no, you see my mother's aunt fran is married to your father's aunt's step-son, bill. didn't you hear? bill and fran got divorced. no! oh, no. well, that means
well, you two don't look alike. jack, you don't have to look alike to be related. yeah, my mother and father don't resemble each other at all. ( snorting, laughing ) ( jay and chrissy laughing ) jay, can you stay and have a cup of coffee? no, if the sarge found out i was on a social call he'd go through the roof. ch other in so long. he'll understand. not sergeant halverson. he's got it in for me just because i lost something once. what'd you lose? my patrol car. oh, yeah they are related. mm-hmm. no question. i had to get out to chase a suspect and i, um, forgot where i left the car. yeah oh. well, chrissy, it's been nice seeing you again. it's been so nice to see you, too.
i'd like that. bye, everybody. bye. bye. you know, somehow knowing he's out there protecting me i don't feel as safe as i used to. oh, gosh, i got to get going. where you going? oh, chrissy, i'm going to this nice, little hideaway where you can find mystery, romance, adventure. even have to have your own card to get in. wow, what is it, a private club? uh-uh, public library. see you later. bye. boy! ( gasps ) oh, no. what? jay must have dropped his handcuffs when we were hugging. oh, maybe i can catch him. chrissy, he's long gone by now. he'll come back for them, don't worry. oh, gosh, i hope he doesn't get in more trouble. i think every little boy wanted to be a cop when he grew up. not the little boys i played with.
being a policeman. well, you know maybe it gives him a sense of power. chrissy snow, you're coming with me. oh, okay. well, jack tripper... you're under arrest. no, you're coming with me. come this way. walk this way. boy, wouldn't you hate that? it's easy being a cop. all you have to do is... ( imitates gun firing ) where's the key? what key? where's the key to the handcuffs? why would i have a key? they're not my handcuffs. you don't have a key? no. then why did you put these handcuffs on me? i didn't, you did. i didn't put them on... all right, don't panic! now, there must be a key around here. ow! ow! ( phone rings ) i'll get it. chrissy... ( phone continues ringing )
se my other hand i'll be listening with my wrong ear. hello? oh, hi, jay. you left your handcuffs? we know. uh-huh. uh-huh... we'll go down to the station with them. oh, yeah, see, but, we, uh... yeah, but see, jack, but, uh... okay, all right, we'll wait for you here. okay, all right, bye-bye. when's he coming? about three hours. i got a date with brenda at the regal beagle. tell her you can't make it. oh, chr... are you kidding? this is brenda, the human blender. the human blender? yeah, after a date with her you feel like you've been whipped, chopped and pureed. you'll just have to call jay and tell him to get over here now. come on, get on the phone. chrissy: i can't! ow! why can't you call jay?
all right, let's go down to the station. they must have a master key. no, jack! i can't! why? because jay will get in so much trouble if they find out he left his handcuffs here. what am i going to do about brenda? well, you can still go on your date. right, with you chained to my wrist. you are a little too big to be passed off as a charm bracelet. well, i'm only trying to help. oh, i don't see i have much choice. ( sighs ) don't swing. just let me think about this let me think and try to figure... cut that out! i'm going... where? i'm going down to meet brenda. why? none of your business. jack! you're getting on my nerves! ( bawls ) don't whine! ( panting ) hi, jim. oh, hi, kids.
sit down right there, chrissy. all right, and i'll sit here. now, just remember when brenda gets here, you just sit there. you don't know me, i don't know you. okay? okay? chrissy, did you hear me? i don't talk to strangers. hi, jack. oh, brenda, you look so beautiful. thank you. well? ( growls ) i'm so excited to see you i don't even know how to sit down anymore. thank you. i'm sorry i'm late but my watch stopped. what time do you have? oh, it... uh... it doesn't matter.
waitress: are you ready to order? i'd like a glass of white wine. jack: two white wines. uh, make that three white wines. and a tuna fish sandwich. three white wines and a tuna fish sandwich. jack, why are you ordering for that girl at the next table? uh... ( clears throat ) uh, well, she's all alone, you know. and she seems like a nice person. she's hungry. well, let her order for herself. absolutely, you're correct. it will never happen again, okay? excuse me, you alone? no. mind if i join you? ( clicks tongue ) i'm already attached. ( clicks tongue ) come on, blondie, give me a break, huh?
okay, okay. jack, do you know that girl? i'm just trying to be a good neighbor. then stay out of her yard. waitress: that'll be $5.25. jack: thank you. ( screams ) oh, uh... oh, brenda... what are those? brenda, i can explain. i don't know what you had in mind for tonight but i am not that kind of girl! i can go to a locksmith! i'll bite them off! no, don't go, blender! i mean, brenda... thanks a lot! well, what did i do? ( imitates chrissy ): well, what did i do?
[excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! oh, ah... nooo. what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now.
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pened? it's a long story. oh, they're jay's. and he's coming over soon to get us out of them. he's not the only one who's coming over. jim said there was this cop down there and he saw the two of you leaving and he got suspicious and he's on his way over. here? he's coming here? yeah. oh, no, that means jay will get in more trouble! forget about jay, what about us? that cop must think we're escaped criminals. we need tools. what for? to get out of these handcuffs. somebody we can trust. or fool. come on, jack, nobody's that dumb. oh... yes, there is. i better not look too long. i may fall in love. ( doorbell chimes ) hi, mr. furley, can we come in please? what's up? well, uh... as you may or may not know
so we decided to come down here and appreciate you. landlord appreciation week? how come i never heard of that? ( clears throat ) well... because you're a landlord. you can't appreciate yourself. well, thank you. here, sit down, make yourselves comfortable. i'll take your sweater. handcuffs! those are handcuffs! you were right, we couldn't fool him! are you in trouble with the law? no, no. we put these on ourselves. we were just fooling around. now, look, i run a clean, family building here. i won't put up with anything kinky! no, no. it's nothing like that. it's all just a big dumb mistake. and we came to ask your help to get these off. oh, why didn't you say so in the first place? i can get those cuffs off in no time flat. you can? how? you may not know it but when i was younger they used to call me "fingers furley."
what's the matter, fingers? it's locked! oh, well, now what are we going to do? chrissy, just slow down and relax. i've got it! jack, you won't mind shaving your arms? shave my arms? otherwise the blowtorch will burn your hair right up to your elbows. blowtorch?! blowtorch?! this baby'll cut those cuffs like a hot knife through butter. jack? chrissy? come on, guys, come on. it's so good to be home. i'd feel a lot better if we could get these cuffs off. look, the worst is over. why don't you just sit down and relax? yeah. yeah. ( doorbell chimes ) i'll get it. who is it?
that's not jay's voice! janet, get rid of him. chrissy, let's hide in the kitchen. hello. excuse me, ma'am. do, uh, jack tripper and chrissy snow live here? yes. but they aren't here right now. as a matter of fact i've no idea when they'll be back. it might be hours. or days. or weeks. jack: get under the table! maybe i'll just look around. you can't look in there, officer. why not? because... because? because... because, because, um... because he's eating cake. that's right, officer. would you like some cake? officer: never mind the cake. didn't i see you at the regal beagle handcuffed to a blonde? oh... yes. yes, that's right. it's just a little game we play. those are actually...
toy handcuffs? yes, that's right. otherwise we'd still be attached wouldn't we? ( laughing nervously ) good cake. see that, officer? it's just a silly game. yeah. hey, wait a minute. why are you wearing those gloves? oh, these gloves? oh, well, you see, i always like to do the dishes after i eat, you see. so what i do is i put these gloves on while i'm eating. that way i save a lot of time. isn't that right, janet? yes, that's definitely right, jack. well, uh, i'm sorry i bothered you folks.
t. right this way. bye-bye! ( sighing ) is he gone? yeah, everything's all right. no, it isn't. what do you mean? you ate all my cake. oh, chrissy! yes, so long. thanks for coming by. it's okay, guys. you can come out, he's gone. oh, good. jack, where are we going? to the bathroom. oh, no we're not! chrissy, i want to wash my face and get the cake off it. do you mind? come on. okay. doorbell chimes ) i'll get it. oh, it's you. ( shouting ): long time no see! i think maybe i'll look around the rest of the apartment, huh? oh, well... we have a very small apartment here, officer. just two teeny-weeny bedrooms-- that's all. it won't take long, will it? well... jack, i'm here to cut the... roast beef.
yes, roast beef. this is mr. furley, our landlord and he cuts all the roast beef in the building. with a blowtorch? yes, with blowtorch. he cuts and cooks at the same time. what's that? i didn't hear anything. i got to run. i got to go. there's a rump roast in 304. in there? nothing, it's just a bathroom. ( water running ) with a leaky faucet. leaky faucet, huh? it's a big leak. ( screams ) you get out of here. right now! i, i didn't realize. get out before i call the police. get out right now! i'm sorry, ma'am, i'm terribly sorry. sorry, officer.
somehow i thought taking a shower with you would be more exciting. oh, get out of here. don't! let's dry off, chrissy. officer: i must have dropped it in the bathroom. i'll go get it. janet: no, i'll get it, officer. excuse me, lady i forgot my hat. if you just hand it to me i'll be on my way. okay, but don't look. oh, no, i won't. thanks.
wait, wait, wait! ( chrissy bawling ) jay, you're here! what's going on? i'm taking them down to the station. on what charge? suspicion of everything. you just don't understand. jay, tell him they're your handcuffs. oh, good. those are your handcuffs, garfield? well, um... actually, uh... you see, what happened, mike yeah, we accidentally got stuck in them. everything's okay and you can go. ( laughing ) wait till i tell the guys at the station about this one. you lost your own cuffs! mike, please don't say anything. the sarge will have my badge if he finds out about this. please give him a break he's my cousin. that makes sense. only a relative of his could be dumb enough to lock themselves up. now wait a minute...
ease, please, please don't tell. i'm sorry, lady. this is too good to keep to myself. ( laughing ): i'll see you later, garfield. oh, mike! mike! now i am in big trouble. no, you're not. yes, i am. when the sarge finds out about this when mike tells him... he's not going to tell. oh, yes, he is. what could be worse than leaving your handcuffs in somebody's apartment? leaving your badge in somebody's apartment. i left my badge, too? no. but he did. chrissy!