tv North Carolina News at 430AM CBS November 8, 2016 4:30am-5:00am EST
salem? glee club! man, don't do that to me. sorry, but i need a favor. see, i haven't had a date in weeks. no. you've done it before. well, i'm not again. i'll make it worth your while. hmm... okay, but it's going to cost you. here's your cat, ma'am. i can't believe he did that. bad kitty. cats aren't the brightest animals. you are so right. ow! are you okay? yeah, i am fine. how can i ever thank you? oh, look! a freshly baked homemade seven-layer cake. would you like some? was it made by a single gal? yes, sirree. i'll just put my ladder away and be right back. good work, salem. show me the tuna! you got to show me the tuna.
yes, genetics will be on the final. ster will be on the final-- including what mitosis is. ( bell rings ) it's not fair. we only get three days to learn a semester's worth of biology. i guess we were supposed to be learning it all along. i wish i could read my notes. can you decipher this? "mitosis is..." nope. i'm doomed. you can borrow my notes. we'll get through finals together. well, if it isn't the cutest couple in the sophomore class.
. i'm on the yearbook committee. i wanted to let you know you've been voted "cutest couple." i'd like to thank the academy... you're being very brave about this, sabrina considering the curse. what curse? every couple who won the award broke up first day of finals. that's ridiculous. and sad. well, you don't think there's a curse, do you? no. we're solid as a rock. curses belong in fairy tales along with giant beanstalks and... witches. do me a favor and choke on this bread. what?! i can't think of any other way to see my fireman. you choke; he heimlichs; we go dancing. hilda, it's wrong to distract a fireman from his public duty. hey, i pay taxes. oh, thank goodness you're home. choke on this. gladly. stop that! is everything okay? depends on whether curses are real. harvey and i got voted the "cutest couple"...
nothing. she's just excited for you. and don't you worry about this curse-- you'll be fine. really? absolutely. cool. then all i have to worry about is finals. what are you saying? you know curses count double for witches. there's nothing sabrina can do about it. knowing just makes it worse. curses! salem: hurry up, sabrina-- you'll miss the bus. oh. salem! have you seen my biology notes? the sports section's lining my box. but i need them. chill, little witch. just use a "finding" spell in your magic book. ah, here we go. "finder of lost things, help me find my-- enter lost item here." oh. finder of lost things, help me find my biology notes. i'm here. who are you? roland, finder of lost things, local 134.
i'll be happy to get to work. it's really long. that's just to cover us in the event i get trapped under something heavy. there. okay. stand back, please. ( clears throat ) aha! i found your notes... and 50 cents. thanks. here you go. get yourself something nice. i'm not looking for a gratuity-- just my standard fee. what's that? anything in this room. it says so right in that contract. anything? well, i have quite a selection. how about this lovely paperweight? i don't need a paperweight. ooh! i love this clock radio. could you hurry up? i'm late for class. you know, you're kind of cute when you pout. could you just decide?
i want your hand in marriage. i'm only 16. i know you're kind of old, but... that's okay. i don't have time. there's a troll in my room; i'll tell you about it later. did she say a troll? intestinal peristaltic action moves food through the body, making digestion both a mechanical and chemical process. yes, jenny. did we even study that? for a week. who's that? oh, no. i'm here to see sabrina-- personal matter. she's in the middle of class. i'll wait. mind if i have a seat? uh, he's an actor. you can catch him at the renaissance fair. can we get back to learning? ( groans ) now how long is the large intestine? oh! oh! call me! call me! yes? large intestine's two miles long. no, it's not. yes, it is. it's five feet max. what do you know? he's the teacher. i'm telling you--
leave me alone! tha-that's all for today. i'm not finished yet. who is that guy? oh, it's a really funny story. i'll tell you about it later. got to go. do you want a big wedding or just the family? we're not getting married. harvey, come sit with us. who's that? my boyfriend. "boyfriend"? hi, guys. harvey, this is roland. nice to meet you. get lost, farm boy. my name's harvey. why not back off? why don't you make me?! it's go time, goober! i'm not going to fight you. ooh, chicken. ( clucking ) thinking of the farm, farm boy? that's it! stop! roland, quit it and get off the table! sabrina, what's going on? it's a funny story. i'll tell you about it later. come on. come on, come on.
i have no idea what just happened. oh, it's the curse. i'm afraid you and sabrina are going down. why did we have to be so cute? and get in there and no more fights. do you understand? okay, okay. henpecked already... and i love it. oof! i'm exhausted. mind if i make myself comfortable? so she did say "troll." ah... why's he here? go, go, go, go. ( snoring ) so what do i do now? we'd better call a lawyer. this contract looks authentic. you know any troll specialists?
stuart clarkson here. you have a legal emergency? a troll has asked for my hand in marriage. did you sign a contract? yes. did you read it? no. have a nice wedding. wait! you can't go. you have to help us. but you're asking me to break a legitimate contract. isn't that what lawyers do? right... where's the paper work? hopeless... hopeless... i am not getting married. according to this, you are. oh, no! ah! sorry. misread a word. it's "dearth," not "death." oh, man, i am sweating up a storm. do you mind if i take off my jacket and pants? your pants? yes. well, don't worry. i'm wearing a four-piece suit. ( doorbell chimes ) hey. harvey. you left in kind of a hurry. can i come in and talk? no! um... why don't we just step outside? oh, this is nice-- the great outdoors.
roland? oh, it's a funny story. i'll tell you later. you're keeping something from me. i can't really talk about it. it's too weird. i'm your boyfriend. do you want us to keep secrets from each other? no. so, can you tell me who roland is? no. okay, i'm out of here. harvey! roland? roland? glee club! of course. communication is the foundation of any marriage. i'm not marrying you. sorry. i didn't hear you. i'm not marrying you! look, i'm very flattered that you chose me over a clock radio but this is not my idea of romance. farm boy is? yes. harvey and i happen to be an award-winning couple. even though we're fighting... you are? we'll work it out. we're meant to be together. so my love goes unrequited.
no reason for me to carry on this charade. you still deserve your fee for finding my notes. want that clock radio? no. can i say something? i've found a lot of things in my life but i guess... i'm still looking for love. good-bye. what did you do to him? nothing. i just... look, he left his hat. you'd better take it to him. it completes his outfit. hello? roland? what do you want? you forgot your hat. who cares? look, i'm sorry things didn't work out the way you planned. well, i got to go study. it's stuck. no. it's locked. you're trapped in here forever.
so, when should we have the wedding? never! i think june would be better. you can't keep me here. oh, yes, i can. faster, faster. please, i am dealing with some incredibly big words. sabrina went to return roland's hat an hour ago and she hasn't come back. oh, no! that old troll trick. and it's perfectly legal. took me two days, but i found that needle in a haystack. don't you talk about anything but work? ( knocking ) that must be the wedding coordinator. my aunts! you've come to rescue me? no, but we're working on getting you out. good luck. it's an iron-clad contract. yes, but we have a lawyer with... great legs. and in the meantime we brought sabrina her schoolbooks. i'm engaged to a troll and i get to study for finals.
once we're family you're welcome in my house anytime... but for now, vamoose. don't worry. we'll get you out. before friday or i'll fail biology. forget homework. you're my princess now. i can dress myself. hopeless... hopeless... o-ho! a buried clause. is that good? "the party of the first part may be rescued by a prince she desires." that's great! do we know any princes? eh, i'll set up some interviews. under "special skills," it says wall climbing? oh, that's old. dragon slaying? haven't done it in years. look, i know i've let myself go but i think i can handle a troll. ( sniffing ) do i smell pie? look, i know 12 different ways of killing you both without leaving my chair. so, when do i start? isis, you are our most qualified applicant
it's because i'm a woman? well, yes. that makes me so...! no. i'm going to save this anger for my support group. do you want some juice? okay, we are looking for a prince to save our niece from a troll. it could involve some swordplay and there is no guarantee you'll come back alive. i don't want to die. don't cry. do you want your mom? should we get the queen? hi. is sabrina home? oh, no. i'm sorry. me, too. well, when you see her could you tell her i've thought about it and i'm willing to accept whatever weird situation she's in? that's all. see ya. harvey, would you come in for a moment? sure. i... i couldn't help but notice your jacket. who is the "termite king"? my dad. that's his company.
will you excuse me? the termite prince will stand up in a court of troll. yes! yeah. only problem is harvey's mortal. do we have the fixings for a memory loss potion? do we! i see you two in a gazebo draped in wistaria... i'm loving it. ...with garlands in her hair and yours. divine. ( chuckling ) i know-- why don't you two get married? i see the bride has a case of cold feet. oh... poor sabrina. maybe i shouldn't put you through all the stress of this. you mean...? yes. move the wedding up to tomorrow. tomorrow?! somebody help me! help! mmm. cinnamony. what we're about to tell you is strange so i hope you can accept it.
so what's the truth? sabrina's a witch, and she's being held by a troll and only a prince who she loves can save her. that's all? so the quest starts with me going through the linen closet. yes. wait. your clothes are all wrong. i don't have to dress like this forever, do i? no. just until you vanquish the troll. i couldn't vanquish the troll in pants? sabrina! sabrina! harvey? sabrina! harvey! how's it going? what are you doing here? i'm supposed to vanquish the troll. oh. come on up! i can't. the door is locked. there must be a way. we have to think fairy tale.
( grunts ) harvey, climb up my hair. you're okay with that? yeah. just don't split any ends. ( spitting ) al... most... there. hurry up. my prince has come. you look great with long hair. eh, it's a lot of upkeep. let me look at you. so, i guess this means you know how weird my life is? your aunts told me. i thought so when i saw you in tights. they're kind of bunching on me. roland: sweetheart, look what the billy goats sent us! quick, hide!
where'd he go? to your left! over here, farm boy. i hate that name. don't worry, harvey; here comes the air support. honey! that almost hit me. ( sinister laughter ) you've taken your last breath! my aim is true. bull's-eye! and to think i complained about lugging that around all year. harvey? harvey. what happened? sabrina, did you do this to me? sorry, roland, but consider yourself vanquished. you're a very complicated woman
than you're worth. the marriage is off. and if anyone asks, i dumped you. we did it. let's frolic. wait! what day is it? thursday. we've got our biology test tomorrow. we've got to study. move it! sabrina, you're back! harvey saved me, and now he knows everything. yep. sabrina's a witch; you're a witch; your sister's a witch. it all makes sense. but only for 15 more seconds. then the knowledge will be erased from his memory forever. but i like it like this. for the next five seconds, you have a perfect relationship. well, that doesn't give me much time but i always knew
uh, you were telling me what mitosis is. right. what is it? it's the first day of finals. what are you two doing holding hands? we survived the curse. how? it's a funny story. i'll tell you about it later. you have 50 minutes. don't start until everyone has a test. sabrina, good luck. mitosis is... begin. ...the process
we have a surprise. since you did well on finals we think you deserve a reward. i've been thinking that, too. so, where are we going? tony roma's? no. what's going on? it's an around- the-world tour ace biology. and their relatives. first stop, spain. ole! they left me behind. be strong. don't cry. ( crying ) i can't believe we almost forgot you. what? had you left? yes. we have to catch up with the others. ole!
the line's already around the block. get down there and vogue. bonjour, ladies. bonjour. just my luck. [chuckling] you know, the entire history of our great country could be deduced by studying women's underwear. this ought to be worth listening to. go. take ancient times-- the fifties. our country was very uptight. women wore utilitarian brassieres, plain white cotton, three hooks. we're talking monster bras.