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tv   North Carolina News at 500PM  CBS  November 10, 2016 5:00pm-6:00pm EST

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wouldn't have it any other way. donny hathaway: ? lady godiva was a freedom rider ? women: ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she didn't care if the whole world looked ? ? joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? for crying out loud, maude, what did you do with my suspenders?
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because you always put things where i can't find them! always, maude! you always put things where i can't find them! you're right, walter. and i'm sorry, sweetheart. actually, if you want your suspenders, you'll find them hanging off the roof. i find them very handy for washing the basement and second story windows at the same time. - maude... - i'm sorry, honey. i'll help you find them. you know, we're gonna be late. - i'm gonna miss all the guest celebrities! - come on-- body who's anybody is gonna be there tonight. durward kirby, pupi campo, carmelita pope, arlene francis, the entire panel from what's my line? oh, you don't care if i miss all the fun. pupi campo? tsk... well, go on! i can't! get moving, francie. - what are you waiting on? - ( sobs )
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hinkley, would you cool it? it ain't gonna be easy to outtalk maude findlay. she's the world's champ. she's got a bigger mouth than muhammad ali. okay, but just make sure you lay it on real good about your father beating ya up. why can't i just tell her the truth? 'cause why gamble on the truth when we got such a good, honest lie, huh? hinkley, i don't feel good about lying to mrs. findlay. i lived here for two weeks. chicken... it's our future. i mean, don't you think i'm gonna feel rotten, too? hiding out there behind a bush, when i should be in there helping you pick her clean. hinkley...hinkley... you do love me, right? i told you, i am your main man. now, don't forget to let her see the bandages, okay? now, get in there. and sob your heart out!
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( doorbell rings ) well, it's about time. francie! francie potter. ( cries and screams ) francie, is there something wrong? i should have never come here. just forget you ever saw me. okay? i mean, just forget you ever saw me. well, okay, if that's what you want. actually, we were on our way to the theatre anyway. oh, don't hold me. don't force it out of me. ( sobs ) it's too personal, too private. oh...
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who just walked 35 miles from the ghetto, with something personal and private eating away at her. but you are curious, aren't you? oh...why me? why me? i was about to ask the same question. francie, you are in trouble. now, honey, why don't you tell me all about it? that's what i'm here for. and talk about just like that. oh, good. because we're on our way to the theater, and we're late now. so, honey, why don't you just lie down there, cry your little heart out, and when we get back from the theatre, we'll have a good long talk. no! it'll be too late then! francie...francie, are you in trouble with a gang? are they getting together and getting ready for a ramble tonight?
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ch knife. maude, come here. maude, will you come here? has it occurred to you that she may just be in trouble? oh, come on, walter. the child's only 16. almost 17. just because she comes from the ghetto, doesn't mean that she knows... francie, are you with child? no, i came here alone! he's been beating me! oh, no, francie! you mean he went upside your head? mrs. findlay, you'll understand better if we talk white people's talk. he's beating the hell out of me! francie! hello, everybody! better late than never. maude, i could just strangle you-- not now, vivian, please-- what's the big idea of making us rush over here like this? - vivian, please! - just look at my hair, it's a disaster.
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it matches your gown. you both remember francie potter? well, well, well, francie potter. maude's little experiment in race relations. it didn't work, you know, francie. maude's still white. come on, francie, we'll have a little chit-chat in the kitchen-- what's going on here? first you rush us over here and then-- please, vivian, this is an emergency! fix your hair. well, what can you expect of a woman okay, now, francie... come on, you tell me all about it. well, mrs. findlay, i was gonna come in here and lie to you, but you're too nice. besides, what's the sense of lying? you know me too well. thank you, dear. i mean, i--i live in the suburbs, but it's true, my heart's in the ghetto.
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oh, ow! honey, what's the matter? oh, it's nothing. just a little bruise. a little bruise? francie, let me look at it-- no! uh, they took care of it in the emergency ward already. ( sobs ) my father did it. that's why i'm running away from home. oh, francie, running away? honey, what about your mother? oh, she wanted to come along, too. but she's 53, she's too slow. maude... i found out what's troubling the child. she is running away from home because of her father's beatings. oh, come on, francie. why would your father beat you? poor misguided honky. walter, you know nothing about the child's environment. she's a victim of the battered child syndrome. i read all about it in mccall's. as a matter of fact, i think i may still have the article.
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macaroni." maude, walter, let's go! we'll miss all the pre-show activities in the lobby. arthur harmon! francie is more important than watching doc severinsen put his mouthpiece in a time capsule. we're missing that? darn it, maudie, hurry up! look, francie, dear, you can tell me. now, your father, the one who beats you, had he been drinking? yeah...oh, h-how did you know? oh, this afternoon he came home bloodshot from head to toe. he slammed the door so hard the lights went on. that's when he hit me. but why? that's when he saw me. then he picked up my brother's little league baseball bat, the one we use to stun the roaches. oh, yes, yes, of course. maude, i wanna talk to you. come here. maude, will you come with me? i wanna talk to you.
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maude, there isn't one shred of evidence that she's telling the truth! walter, francie loves me. she would not lie to me. a baseball bat to stun the roaches? yeah, that's why they're such good hitters. maude, walter, we're gonna wait in the car. arthur-- if you're not out there in five minutes, after all you've put us through, we're leaving without you, and that's that. nobody's gonna spoil my evening. uh...by the by, old buddy, since we're your guests tonight, eh, could you let me have the tickets you bought for us? sure, old buddy. thanks, chum. now, i mean it! five minutes or we're leaving without you, and that's final. i'm sorry, walter. eh--eh--it occurred to me it must have sounded very unreasonable what i said. why should i put you on a five-minute deadline?
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give my regards to broadway. what do you mean, give your regards to broadway? we're going to the theatre! not as long as that child is in trouble, we're not going. all right, francie. now, you tell me, dear, what can we do - to help you-- - maude! all she's asking for is a little love and understanding! and 300 dollars. and 300 doll-- 300 dollars? aha... the money's just a loan, so i can start a new life. i wanna go live with my friend in los angeles. an adult. francie, you're only 16! almost 17! i can't go back home to my father. he'll kill me. well, you're right, you don't have much of a choice. oh...little francie potter, all grown up and starting a new life. oh...seems like only yesterday she was a little tiny baby.
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how would you like to hold your breath that long? now, look, francie, we're going to give you a start, - aren't we, walter? - no. he's such a tease. look, francie, dear, why don't you help yourself? after your beating, you must be hungry. oh, good, you're calling the police. - no, the potters. - you can't do that, walter. maude! that child's running away from home is breaking up a family oh, hello mr. potter? this is walter findlay. listen, your daughter's here, and we have theatre tickets and we want-- mr. potter, you're a beast. someday, when you sober up, you'll thank me for this. his breath reeks of liquor even on the phone. you're making a big mistake! francie, dear, you are going to get your $300, and that's a promise. - maude! - oh, come on now, walter! she's going there to live with an adult. it's not like she'll be alone.
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- not nearly enough! - oh, well, arthur usually has a lot of cash. possibly, between him and viv, and you and i-- we'll--we'll get you the money, dear. now, why don't you just sit down, and enjoy yourself, and we'll be back right after the theatre with the money. and if we hurry, maybe we can still catch one of johnny carson's ex-wives. hinkley, come on in! we're gonna get the $300, and we've got the whole house to ourselves! you say! what you say! how could you leave the headlights on again? this is the fourth time this year that you've killed my battery. walter, will you quit crying long enough to call the automobile club? just mention my name, they'll understand. francie and hinkley: ? california here we come! ? ? california-- ? ( laugh ) f-f-francie!
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oh my, how time flies. it certainly does, particularly... when you're making whoopee with the adult you're going to be living with in california.
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oh, walter, don't you see? - they are young and they're in love! - maude! mr. findlay, you heard her. she said she first got married when she was 17. that's different, she was making a career out of it. now, francie, honey, even though you're almost 17, i mean, you--you-- i don't think you know what you're doing. francie, you can't just run off, with no thought, no plan-- oh, oh! that's the part i was saving for last. hinkley planned for our future,
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and we're gonna go to hollywood and record for motown. mo who? motown. it's a record company. me and hinkley's a group. the electric shortcake. - oh! - juicy. you mean you're the electric fruitcake. go to hollywood, make a million dollars overnight-- come on! we don't expect to become millionaires overnight. it's a long hard grind. it's gonna take us maybe two, three weeks. that long? well, sure. i mean, you can't just rush into these things, even when you got talent, like me and hinkley. hey, come on, hinkley. let's show' em. okay. i'm the only rock 'n' roll spoon player in the world. huh! - you ready? - yeah. a-one, a-two, a-one, two, three...
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? he stuck a feather in his hat ? ? and called it macaroni ? ? yankee doodle, tweet, tweet, tweet ? ? yankee doodle ? ? tweet, tweet, tweet ? ( whistles ) hold it! maude... i like 'em! wait a second... has anybody in the record business ever heard you play? no, man, but that's what's so cool. we're total unknowns! can i see you in the kitchen? ? yankee doodle tweet, tweet, tweet ?
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but, walter, who are we to say? i mean, the closest we've ever come to rock 'n' roll is the mormon tabernacle choir. maude, they don't have a chance! oh, walter, who knows? for instance, who would ever have dreamed that frankie laine would make all that money singing mule train? ? mule train, ha ? ? clippety-clop clippety-clop ? ? clippety clippety clopping along ? - ? ha, ha ? - maude... - ? ha, clop, clop ? - maude... maude! that's not frankie laine out there! that's a couple of kids caught up in a hollywood fantasy! oh, walter, wait-- no more waiting! look, i'm sorry, kids, but we're not giving you a nickel. - walter! - but mrs. findlay promised. you're right, mrs. findlay promised, and mrs. findlay is going to give you her own money. maude, i forbid it! walter, she has no alternative! she's a little child from the ghetto, she can't go home, and she's too short to play center for the harlem globetrotters. maude! walter!
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- oh, yeah, ain't it cool? - yeah. maude, if you insist on giving her money, i'm warning you, as your husband, i'll have to take the proper action. oh, what are you going to do, walter? beat me, hit me, like francie's father? i'll--i-- i'll call a cop! ( doorbell rings ) i think francie is entitled to this one chance at happiness, and i am gonna make sure that she never has to meet that drunken monster father of hers again. i'm francie's father. - walter: maude, let him in! - ( banging on door ) - no. - you called my father! you called her father? listen, i'll wait in the kitchen till cooler heads prevail, okay? it's a pleasure to meet you, mr. potter. francie, you're coming home with me, right now. don't you dare lay a hand on her helpless head, you...drunken sot! what did you say? how dare you inflict your mindless cruelties on this innocent child?
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woman, will you shut up?! walter... walter, did you hear what this monster actually said to me? yes, he said, "woman, will you shut up?" a very common expression frequently heard in our bedroom. i don't know where you got the idea that i drink. i've got an ulcer. have you ever heard of anybody getting drunk on maalox? and what's this about me beating up on my girl? francie, i never hit you! well, only because you was afraid you'd kill me. francie, you lied to me. i had to. the truth wouldn't have been worth $300. - now, look here! - wait a minute! me first. walter, pour mr. potter a maalox.
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but you do that anyway-- that's beside the point. i trusted you, because i thought you were my friend. well, friends like you are a dime a dozen, and they're overpriced. who needs it? walter, call a cab. we're going to the theatre. i'm sorry, mrs. findlay. really, i am. i didn't want to lie to you. oh, sure you didn't. no, no, hinkley said that if i didn't get the money for him, he wouldn't marry me and take me to california. enough to let a ding-a-ling like hinkley talk you into a thing like this? hinkley's no ding-a-ling. you're right, honey. you're the ding-a-ling. i mean, letting him talk you into... doing something against your better judgment just because you were afraid that was the only way you could hang on to him? hinkley's gone. no, he's not. he wouldn't go without me.
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i guess i am the ding-a-ling. um...mr. potter... would you excuse us for a minute? you know, girl talk. i'm sorry, daddy. francie, i'll wait for you out in the car. oh, francie... ( sighs ) boy, the hinkleys in our lives really hurt, don't they? ame for them... stinkers. course, i could talk to you, woman to woman, and tell you that we do get over them, but that wouldn't make you feel any better, would it? i just hope the next time you contemplate one of these whoopee trips, that you come and we talk it over first. ( sobs )
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well...that's show business. well, maude...looks like she learned a lesson. oh, wrong, walter. bless her heart, she's still lying through her teeth. all that boy has to do is rattle his spoons and she'll be off like a shot. just hope hinkley's really gone for good. oh, don't worry, maude. i'm positive he's gone off to pursue his musical career. how can you be sure? when he left, he took every damn spoon in the kitchen. that's show business.
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? donny hathaway: ? lady godiva was a freedom rider ? women: ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she didn't care if the whole world looked ? ? joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? ( motor whirring ) well, walter, did you ask arthur
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when he mowed it at 2:00 last night? yes, maude, i asked him. ( whirring stops ) and what did he say? he said, "it's grown since then." now i know what he was doing between two and eight-- fertilizing. well, i'm worried about him. he's been acting jittery all week. it's like he's been trying to tell me something. something's been gnawing at him. maybe it's vivian. her front teeth have been looking sharper lately. maudie, walter... about last night. there's something i gotta tell you. what is it, arthur? nothing. good-bye. arthur! now, come on. what's on your mind? on my mind? nothing, forget it. there's never anything on my mind. ugh. that is the worst coffee i have ever tasted. that's because it's orange juice. this one's my coffee.
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arthur, will you please tell me what's bothering you? all right! maudie, you'll have to leave the room. arthur, when i have to leave the room, i will raise my hand. arthur, what's your problem?! well, it's--it's-- it's--it's--it's--it's-- it's--it's--it's-- it's--it's--it's what? i can't tell you. of course you can! arthur, you know you can tell us anything. all right. now, promise you won't laugh. we won't laugh. of course not. it's john wayne. john wayne? john wayne. he's coming to my house this afternoon. ( both laughing ) ? ?
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their faces in the morning when i wake them up. the first thing you think about is your wife and your kids and your family. you think about what life would be like for them, without you. so i had surgery locally, and it came back after my follow up that i needed a second surgery. and that's when i said i need a second opinion. from the moment i walked through the doors, they greet you, they're smiling and i love the fact that they included me in the whole it makes you feel like you're part of the family. rod came in with ah, pretty advanced cancer and i remember thinking, he's just like me, he's like my twin. we're almost the same age, the same height- he's much more athletic- but almost the same life circumstances as far as having kids and raising a family, he just happens to have cancer. for rod, we combined chemotherapy, radiation and surgery in order to shrink the tumor,
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what is the matter with you people? ( coughs) i cross my heart. john wayne, hollywood's biggest star, is gonna be in my home. okay, arthur, i believe you. but why would he possibly be coming to your house? well... we're good friends, me and duke. yeah, that's what all his friends call him--"duke." you and john wayne are friends? uh, tell me, arthur, take a herd to abilene? i knew it. i knew it the second that you heard that that acid tongue of yours would start flapping. arthur, in the 35 years that i've known you, never once have you mentioned being friends with john wayne. well, he doesn't run around hollywood saying he's a friend of mine either. the man belongs in a home, walter. arthur...
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not "the duke," just plain "duke." all right, arthur. when was the last time you saw just plain duke? well, actually, uh, it was, uh... ( mumbles ) never. never. never. you've never met john wayne? no wonder you're such good friends. he's gone, walter, gone. how could john wayne be a friend of yours if you never met? well, i wrote him a letter once. it's not important. actually, we're pen pals. arthur, you mean a fan letter! it wasn't a fan letter. i just told him how wonderful i thought he was. arthur, i don't believe this. no wonder you're too embarrassed to tell us. you're nothing but a star-struck, adolescent, john wayne groupie. how long have you been writing to john wayne? just once a week. for how long, arthur? well...
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r had an answer. see, here it is, right here. see? take a gander at that! ( chuckles ) it's real, maude. it's a real letter from john wayne. and not only that-- but because i am his number-one fan-- tonight, he's taking vivian and me to the premiere of his new movie brannigan. ( chuckles ) oh, arthur, honey, i don't want your feelings to be hurt, but, don't you see, john wayne isn't coming here to visit you. this is a publicity gimmick for his new movie. i don't care. if old john boy wants me to help send his movie over the top, i'm only too proud to serve. what is it, arthur, a war movie? no, i doubt that, walter. john wayne's already won all the wars. you're darn tootin.' in brannigan, he's a policeman from chicago who goes to london to catch a crook, and they're trying to kill him. who? the screen actors guild?
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lter over to my place for lunch so that you could meet john wayne in person. but now you'll just have to stand outside on the curb and wave a flag like the rest of the neighborhood! walter: wait a minute, arthur, i didn't say anything! arthur! i still can't believe the whole thing, but, of course, i want to meet john wayne! i'd love to meet john wayne! john wayne? carol, i know it's gonna sound a little crazy to you, too, but john wayne's coming to arthur's for lunch today! really? arthur: yeah. oh, arthur, can i come over and meet him? and phillip! phillip will flip out meeting john wayne. you hear that, maudie, you hear that?! the rest of your family is dying to meet john wayne. at least they recognize a great actor. great actor? arthur, i know four people who show more emotion than john wayne, and they're all on mount rushmore. let me tell you something, maudie--
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i will never forget him in allegheny uprising. you remember? remember? when he came through the swinging doors into the saloon? go ahead, arthur, what'd he say?! he didn't say anything! that is great acting. laurence olivier would've had to say something. something like, "why isn't john wayne doing this lousy picture?" come on, maude, you should jump at the chance to meet john wayne! oh, now, wait a minute! walter, i can understand this of arthur, but you-- you can't expect me to have lunch with a man
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that is mr. conservative himself. oh, come on, maude, i don't care anything about his politics. he's a tradition! do you know how many saturday mornings i spent with that man? i grew up with john wayne. i spent thousands of hours in dark theaters loving that man! so what? i spent thousands of hours in dark theaters loving lots of men. for crying out loud. i did a lot of that in dark theaters, too. the least you could do, maude, is come to arthur's... ( explosion ) oh! holy jumping-- that was a bad one. enough with those sonic booms. boy, it's a wonder that all the windows in the place didn't get shattered! are you okay, maude? i'm fine, darling. arthur, arthur. arthur, our ceiling just fell! arthur, there's plaster all over the living room! oh, and, arthur, all your toby mugs got broken. oh, no! oh, arthur. this is terrible, terrible! well, it's just a miracle that i'm here. luckily, i was standing under the archway at the time.
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two little steps to the left-- vivian, i can hear that story another time! how am i gonna entertain duke? good gravy, i've alerted the local press, the tuckahoe drum and bugle corps is coming! where am i gonna find another place on such short notice? maudie, did i ever mention to you that you're a marvelously beautiful woman? oh, no, you don't! then, i take it back! half this house is mine! you got the house, arthur. no, no, no, no, no! now, wait-- wait a minute, wait a minute! you know that john wayne and i are as different as night and day! how can you expect me to let anybody that conservative walk through that door? horse feathers! i'm much more conservative than john wayne, and i walk in this house all the time. by the way, reminds me-- get out!!! arthur, the house is yours! ( whistle blows )
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over here, army buddy! ( drum roll )
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would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! oh, ah... nooo. what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. for $89.99 a month you'll get free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to half the world. we can call aunt rose as much as we want now. switching is easy.
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plus get free installation, tv equiment and epix included. really? honest...no.
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hi , well--well, you remember bobby, my second child by my first husband. and this is marsha, my first child by my third husband. and this is arnold, my third child by my second husband. and this is henry, my present husband. nice meeting you all. now they're coming out of the woodwork. ( phone rings ) get that, carol. whoever it is, tell them "no."
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to keep out burglars and republicans. boy, what excitement out there! all the neighbors took down their "keep off the grass" signs and put up "parking, two dollars." walter, where have you been? the barber's. i wanted to make sure i didn't look shabby for the duke. not "the duke," walter--"duke." walter, what happened to your hair? it looks different. ( doorbell rings ) oh, good lord, that's probably the cia posing as the avon lady. or the avon lady posing as the cia. i'm sorry to bother you, maude, but could i borrow a cup of sugar? oh, knock it off, liz, you know you're a diabetic. rude, mother, rude. walter, what--what did that barber do to your hair? it looks so-- ( doorbell rings )
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howdy! we gave at the stable. i'm warning you, ma'am, don't you try that again, or i'll blow this here homestead to kingdom come. perfect-- paul lynde, right? you're still angry, huh, maudie? you should be proud. the chamber of commerce is delighted. do you know what happens when john wayne visits a neighborhood? yes, arthur, stage coach holdups fall off 50%. hey, arthur, i love your outfit! i got it right across the street from your store. 31 flavors? no, no. cohen's cowboy corral. arthur: you want to see something? get a load of this. bobbidy-- arthur! holy mackerel! where did you learn how to do that? oh, my gosh, arthur! oh, golly! watch. put 'em... one-- oh! arthur, that's fantastic!
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arthur, you have the perfect tools for highway robbery-- two guns and a license to practice medicine. arthur, where did you learn that? oh, i practiced. ( doorbell rings ) every sunday after golf, i sneak into the garage for an hour and twirl my guns. good lord, he's a closet cowboy. i want to apologize for lying, maude. i am diabetic. so could i borrow a cup of saccharine? oh, come in, come in, come in. come on! ( gasps ) oh, maude, i left the turkey salad in your fridge. isn't this exciting?! oh, and i left a note on our door telling duke where we are. what's the matter, couldn't he pick up your trail? and, luckily, i remembered to bring this. it's arthur's prized possession.
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"an american duke on a london bridge." ( giggles ) it's--it's beautiful, viv, but that's not the right place for it. i have the perfect spot. oh! ( doorbell rings ) this way, gang! ( all yelling at once ) wait! wait! i'll sign something. i'll sign something. hold it, everybody, hold it! that's not john wayne. can't you see he's too short? don't look at me! walter, listen... walter, what happened to your bald spot? walter, your bald spot is covered with black fuzz. it's the latest thing in hairpieces, maude! ben, my barber, loaned it to me so i'd look good for duke. walter, it's the year of kojak. bald is beautiful. arthur: hey, it's just about time, everybody!
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( all talking at once ) all right, now, everybody, look alive. smile. and whatever you do, try to look american. now, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold it, hold it! i want to warn you-- this is not all going to be fun and games. i, for one, intend to question mr. wayne on some of the important issues of the day. attaboy, grandma! now, just a minute there, maudie. this is not an occasion to discuss politics or the issues of the day. this visit is purely patriotic. patri--patriotic thur, he is here to publicize his new movie so it'll make more money. what could be more patriotic than that? remember, maudie, what's good for john wayne is good for america! ( cheering ) i don't believe this! i do not believe it. have you all lost your sense of values? ( stutters ) a movie star is a movie star. john wayne is no different from donald duck, except he's not quite as good an actor.
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o intention of standing around here, mooning over some celebrity like the rest of you. i am the only one here who is behaving in a calm, sane, rational manner... ( uproarious audience applause ) ...good-bye. who's arthur harmon? i am. the way the world's going today, lady, i believe ya. i'm the real arthur harmon. she's a woman. howdy. howdy, hi. hello, folks. ( all yell at once ) hey...cohen's cowboy corral, right? right. uh, the guns-- the guns came with it. oh, great. well, don't worry about that.
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i'm dr. harmon's best friend-- walter findlay, the appliance dealer. uh-huh. if your horse ever needs an electric feedbag, i can probably get it for you wholesale. ( laughs ) who's the little woman? gee, duke, it takes a big man to call maude "the little woman." she's my wife. duke: oh, well, uh-- this is vivian, uh, my ball and chain. oh, arthur, you're funny. what is it you were gonna say, mrs., uh... uh... maude. mrs. maude. arthur: mrs. findlay. oh? would you like to say hello to some of your admirers? why don't we just come right over here? hey, maybe we can get a picture around the bar? oh, that's great. ( crowd murmuring ) that's john wayne. that's john wayne! he's in my house. big movie star. we call him "duke."
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e you, phillip? put it there, mr. wayne. well, i don't know, you look pretty strong! hey! i'm sorry, mr. wayne, i didn't mean to hurt ya. aw, that's all right, son. we need fellas like you with strong hands and short hair. grandma, can i see you a minute? duke, what'll you have? with all the cattle you've been around, you must've drunk a lot of milk. well, unfortunately, i never found a cow that'd give bourbon. ( all laugh ) well, give him a bourbon. how'd you like to sit down and take a load off your feet, duke? well, thanks. make yourself at home. hey, funny place to hang a picture. ah. ( clears throat ) it's a good likeness, uh, duke. you think i look like that? uh-huh. well, then, you hung it in the right place. there you go, duke! oh, thank you. boy... mmm. what's this?
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se, grandma! i promised all my friends you and john wayne were gonna have a big showdown. you don't want to make a liar out of me, do you? oh, phillip, but john wayne is a guest in our house. i can't embarrass him. why not? that never stopped you before. phillip, this is different. john wayne is a big movie star. but, grandma, you always told me to stand up for my principles. how come you don't stand up for yours? oh. um, oh, mr. wayne, i'm afraid that i have to apologize for my grandson. oh, that's all right. you see, i-- i promised him that i was going to ask you a few questions. well, then, why don't you go ahead and ask me a few questions, and i'll see if i can answer them? oh. well, uh--uh, to begin with, i was going to, uh, discuss politics. oh, well, i'm--i'm sorry, ma'am,
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oh. uh... ( laughs ) well, uh, then, i was going to ask you to discuss gun control. oh, i'm very sorry, but i can't discuss gun control with women. oh. well, uh, ha, what do you discuss with women? i can't discuss what i discuss with women in front of a lady. ( giggles ) you see, phillip, there's nothing to talk about. i loved what you had to say against women in that speech at harvard, duke. oh, well, i didn't say anything against women. all i said was that i thought they had a right to work anyplace they wanted to as long as they had dinner on the table when i got home.
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let me tell you something, shorty... oh, the hell with it, let's dance. i promised something, walter. you know, i've spent thousands of hours in dark theaters loving you, duke. was that you? ( laughs ) walter: john wayne!
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