tv North Carolina News at 600AM CBS November 11, 2016 6:00am-7:00am EST
[ imitating samurai warrior ] all right. you have seen what we did to him. now, tell me where the others are hiding. whoa! huh huh. hngh hngh. somehow that makes me so excited. [ humming ] ? here we go ? and the crowning touch -- ? ahhhhh ? there's more than one way to make a child eat what's good for him. [ crying ] oh, mearth, mearth -- look what daddy made especially for you!
it's all right. no, it isn't all right. it isn't. i don't have any friends, none at all. nobody will play with me. i feel just like george steinbrenner. son! son, wait! you haven't seen what happens when i add the gravy! ohhhh! ohhhh, no! poor little guy. he was having such a good time in the park on the sled hill. will you let me finish, please? he tried to get on the toboggan, and when he did, the parents pulled all their kids off. they thought he was a man. oh, mork, you should have seen the look on his face. he's starting to realize he's different. guess he doesn't buy our story about being "big boned," huh? well, it's time to tell him that he's half orkan and half an earthling. wait a minute.
or younger...or whatever. come on, mind, he can accept it. he's half a superior being. i'm an alien, and i have made a remarkable adjustment. do you see th-- [ sniffing ] do i smell salad burning? probably. oh, mon dieu, mon dieu, mon dieu! oh, i forgot to baste it! it's not a pretty picture. but, you know, it's healthy. [ gasps ] o-o-o-ow! [ gasps ] ahhh! let's try to protect him for a while longer. he's just a child. daddy, could i borrow one of your new razor blades? reason i ask is -- mine are all dull from trying to sharpen my crayons. oh, surely, son. see, i wanna get this real clean so that i can play with the kids,
you know, solitaire is a game, but it's not a way of life. maybe now is the time to tell him. you're right, min. this is a very delicate situation. we have to choose our words very carefully. mindy: what's that? well, the title is... "rejection descending a staircase." it's my blue period. n't feel that way, sweetheart. you have mommy and daddy. not just mommy and daddy -- it's mommy and daddy and... [ with high-pitched voice ] se?or good news! [ singing in spanish ] beso, beso, beso, beso. se?or good news has something he wants to tell you, mearth. what about that, se?or good news? why should i tell him? he's your child. take responsibility.
are you chickening out? you got it, sweet shorts. mearth, sweetheart... have you ever noticed that you aren't exactly like all the other kids? of course. for instance, the other day in the market, i was the only kid that couldn't get in the wire basket. the reason is, you see -- min -- the reason is, son -- me. i'm not exactly a hometown boy. i'm not even in the ballpark, as they say. i'm from another planet. no!! s?. stop that, daddy. stop it. you mustn't. you mustn't kid around like that with me. sweetheart, daddy isn't kidding. maybe mommy can explain it better. look over here, mearth. mork: see, mommy's using visual aides.
this is the planet earth. you were born here, and so was i. and wa-a-a-a-y over here -- millions and millions of miles away -- is the planet ork. mork: yes, you see? ork -- the "show me" planet. and i flew all the way from ork back here to earth. i don't know. i just don't like the tone of this conversation. son, you see, i was sent here to observe. and i met your mother and she couldn't keep her hands off me, and the rest is history. and that means that you're half orkan and half earthling. [ crying ] is that why i'm different from the rest of the kids? just for a little while. pretty soon you'll look just like them. the orkan part of you is aging backwards -- that's why you're getting smaller. and the older you get, the younger you'll look --
kids call me butchie, the dog-face boy. come on, now, son. look at the good side. you never have to do jury duty. and you'll never have a vaccination mark. and you can do wonderful, neato things like this -- watch. ooooooooo! no, no! stop it! stop it! mork, you're scaring him. mearth... i know it's hard for you to understand now, but later you'll see and there's no one else like you in the whole universe. yeah. we love you, little half-and-half pint. this has all gotten terribly heavy for me all of a sudden. i have to be alone. that's all. well, we'll be downstairs if you need us, all right? okay. poor mearth... it's probably harder for him to understand
don't! aahhh! huh huh. min, i love it when you wear just the hat. [ growls ] you're such an animal! [ imitating cat ] oh! mearth! breakfast time. come and get it! come on, now. mind? mind, he's not there! what? he's gone. this was on his bed. [ gasps ] oh, no! shouldn't tell him he's an alien! mearth's run away! i'll go look for him. you stay here in case he comes back. how are you gonna know where to look? we orkans have an incredible way of communicating with each other. don't you worry about a thing. [ screaming ] me-e-e-arth!! me-e-e-e-e-arth!
no one's ever gonna be able to fill my kid's shoes. you know, if they had these on the titanic, four more people would have lived. oh, mork, we've looked everywhere. we just can't find him. i think we're gonna have to call the police. oh, no way, mind. if they find out that he's our child, they're gonna lock us up, and i'm not that eager to see a johnny cash concert. what do you mean? i saw him at the airport. if he wandered into the coffee shop, he's probably still waiting for service. no, no, no, no. he was with those cult people in the black robes. oh, min, let's put the pedal to the metal, hop in the jeep, and go find mearth. mork, it's not gonna be that easy. remember when i did that piece on the utopians? they'll brainwash people until they'll give up everything! even their identities.
ng. well, if we can't call the police, what are we gonna do? the only thing we can do is try and break him out ourselves. that sounds dangerous. i'm gonna go with you. no, you'd better stay here by the phone. he might call. if we're not back by midnight, turn off the crock-pot. all right, min, haul tush, haul tush! man: utopians, welcome our new brother. swell has taken his first steps to a life of eternal devotion, which reminds me -- our love is strong, but candle sales -- pbht! they're slipping. now, i want everyone to go their separate ways and meditate on the color green. you know something, baba hope? you talk pretty.
of all your worldly possessions -- jewelry, money, second-trust deeds. i really don't have any of those things, but i have bonzo -- he's thin. that's because i slept on him about a half a dozen times. is that all? not quite. i have, uh...a half a yo-yo. it's a "yo." you go. continue training with your love broom. eventually, you'll get your full heart and graduate to busboy on steak night. i don't believe i caught your name. my name is baba gentle. i knew it. [ laughs ] oh, baba gentle. bye-bye, bonzo. bye-bye, yo. some outsider tried to interfere
we're shipping him out tonight to our oregon retreat. we have a worker/convert, and we're keeping him. mork, come on. i've got my hem caught in a sprinkler head. [ fabric tears ] ahh! shh!! why couldn't we have gotten those designer robes? you know, the ones with the split up the side?! ow! shh! [ bangs ] [ gasps ] let's just find mearth and get outta here! you check up the stairs, and i'll look through here. wait, min, min... how about you check down here and i'll hide under your robe? [ gasps ] somebody's coming! who?! shh!
? ba ? ? ba-ba-ba ? ? ba ? ? ba-ba-baran ? ? ba-ba-ba ? ? ba-ba-ba ? ? ba-ba-barbara-a-nn ? ? ba-ba-barbara-a-nn ? ? my barbara ann ? ? my barbara ann ? so that's what happened to our old anchorman. come on, min, we gotta get these robes back or there's gonna be one judge looking real casual. man: you sweep up in here. i will go feed the love attack dogs. let's see -- ? everything is beautiful ? ? in its own way... ? it's worse than i thought, min. i hate that song. mearth, don't scream. it's us! ah! [ sighs ] mommy and daddy. i'm not mearth anymore, no. i'm baba swell. everybody here loves me.
there were no flights. who came along but the babas...to save me. they were good to me. this place is like utopia, understand? except the food -- u-u-ungh! sweetheart, mommy knows all about this place, and it's not what you think. come on. we're taking you home. i can't. i can't. i can't go. i can't. you see, i'm baba's love child. oh, no, mork, they've gotten to him. what are we gonna do? i can deprogram him. so, baba love loves you, huh? when you had that cold, huh, hmm? did baba love take you to the park and teach you how to eat string cheese and -- ahh -- like that? shh! come on, mearth. it's time to go now. i can't. i can't. i want you to meet my friends. mork: mearth! ? everything is beautiful ? ? in its own way ? what's going on here? uh, anybody order a zen pizza?
hey, easy. easy. please, be gentle with them. be g-gentle. let go!! ow! is this the way you treat emissaries of baba love? if you're emissaries, why are your robes different from ours? well, these are our "away" uniforms. this is an outrage. we bring you a special message from baba love. yes, yes, ditto. ah, children...perhaps this is the dental plan we've all been chanting for. what is it? what is it? yes, tell them what it is, baba...loo. [ with indian accent ] baba love sends his love... and so does his brother, bubba, who plays for the green bay packers. you know, baba love not only sends his love because baba love is love.
we know that this can be a meaningful experience. but love is no substitute for recreation. what baba love wants to plan for the '80s is a new concept -- play! yes! let's put the "fun" back in "fun-damentalism." because all we have to do now -- we're going to have the first annual great! oh! oh! they're lying! utopians don't go on scavenger hunts. you dare doubt the word of baba love? oh! make two lines now. let's put together a little human car wash. okay. ready? there we are -- very much. now we must decide what we are going to look for on our scavenger hunt. okay. here's a list of things we'll all be looking for. number one -- one burning or badly charred bush.
one pair of naugahyde woman's panties. now... the first couple back wins a dinner for two at baba love's house of prayer and ribs. so good luck, happy hunting, and be here now. if not -- get there later. don't move! [ as a hippie ] whoa... you're really generating some negative energy here. i think what you need is a sign from baba love. eeeeeeee! whoa! wow. ooh! uh-huh! you got it. the rest are on your own. wait a minute, mearth. wait, wait, i'm going on the scavenger hunt. ba-ba-ba-ba-bye-bye. we just want to talk to you for a minute. but i don't wanna be left behind. mearth -- why did you run away? well, because i was an alien. kids wouldn't play with me.
so you want to be just like everybody else, huh? well, mearth, that's an easy thing to do. it's very safe. but being different -- well, that takes a lot of courage. all right, you can stay here and never have to think or make a decision for yourself. or you can go out into the real world and have joyous confrontations with hypocrisy, violence, nuclear holocaust, and overbearing salespeople. daddy's right. there are a lot of bad things, please come home, mearth. 'cause no one could ever love you as much as we do because we love you for who you are. yes, but who am i? you're mearth mcconnell, our son. you want me to come home? yes. can i go on the scavenger hunt? no! no! ooh! just testing. bye-bye, broom. mearth: boy, it's sure good to be back in my little, warm egg again.
if you ever have problems, you can come to us. you don't have to run away. we're your family, and we love you. thank you, mommy. good night, son. oh! [ chuckles ] go to sleep. i will. oh, it's so nice to have him back. and it's great to be a family again. it's nice that he knows he's an alien, too. think of all the wonderful things i can teach him -- inger, and old orkan songs! [ "new york, new york" ] ? beep zibi dum do ? ? beep zibi dum do ? ? vum bubi zarim ? ? vum bubi zarim ? ? va vo zum bidi rididum ? ? nu-ar nu-ar-r-r-r ? mommy hates to be a killjoy, but it's too late for orkan stereo. good night, mearth. big kiss.
mcconnell. sir, it's been a very difficult week for mearth. mindy and i had to try and explain the truth about his heritage. he must have been devastated to find out he was half earthling. au contraire. he learned to accept not only his birthright and his heritage, but the fact that he can't order off the children's menu. very commendable, mork. now, let me say nanu to the little fellow. oh, certainement, sir. and say hello to your godfather, the big "o." [ panting ] nanu, sir! it's an honor to meet you, sir. nanu, mearth. i see you make up in manners what your father lacks. you better believe it, fatso. what?! pardon me, sir. it's nap time. we better be running along. till next week, thunder thighs -- this is mork and mearth signing off. nanu! nanu!
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mearth: what is this stuff? we got a surprise for you -- chinese food! oh ho ho. oh! this looks like boiled grass. oh, look! ooh! pass that over. pops, let me ask you something. do they have american carry-outs in china? uh, no, not yet. no, but every religious holiday, all the chinese people go downtown for jewish food. i'm a very inquisitive child. you've probably noticed that. and you know something? i believe i'm truly ready for school. all the other children are going to school. why aren't i going to school? son, your mother and i can teach you
not old enough for school yet. besides, there's plenty of time for school. think of all the fun you're having around home. you have got to be kidding! do you think it's fun just going upstairs and coming back downstairs? and occasionally having some chinese food? do you call that living? mearth. sweetheart -- no! sweetheart, you're a special little boy and you're just gonna have to be patient till we make -- rangements. no! no-o-o! now, mearth, mellow out. mellow out! i want to go to school! i want to be like the rest of the children. i'm not going to sit here with four or five boxes of empty goldfish cartons. i want to go to school! that's enough, young man! you go up to your room. i said i wanted to go to school! you go up now! ooh! ooh hoo hoo! it really didn't hurt me at all.
i want to go to school. and i said i wanted to go to scho-- i'm going. [ stomps ] mindy calling orson. come in, orson. [ snores ] mindy calling orson. come in, orson. mindy calling orson. yo! your spacemanship! oh! that was a mistake. i apologize. i don't know where that came from. i really didn't mean to say that. you're excused. when you're using mork's mind, there's bound to be some ill effects. could you turn the heat up? it's kind of cold in here. sorry, mork's mind isn't equipped with a thermostat. i told him to insulate.
oh, they're just -- enough small talk! where's the application mork promised to fill out? well...for what? i want mearth's application for ork prep. i sent it to mork bleems ago. i haven't heard from him since. oh, so that's why mork was acting so strange at dinner. and i thought it was the msg. ha ha ha. what? uh, never mind. um, orson, i-i, uh... i don't know how i feel about mearth going away to school on ork. you'll love it! he'll only go to school one day a month, earth time. he'll commute. how? air ork's h-28 transport beam has merged with glifthansa and is now servicing the greater earth area. well, uh...
there will be no discussion. the application will be completed and on my desk in the morning. [ sarcastically ] thank you for the coffee. it was delicious. my secret is eggshells in the grounds. you know, my grandmother used to do that. who cares?! nanu, nanu! oh, uh, nanu, nanu to you, too, sir. aha! sneaking around with orson behind my brain, eh? what were you two doing? hmm? huh? hmm? hmm? oh, i know. wait a minute. you were planning a surprise party for me. okay, i'll play along. oh, no, a belt sander! you shouldn't have! oh, honey, honey, honey! mork. pooter, little pooter, oh, i'm so surprised -- just when i thought everybody had forgotten!
does this mean there's no surprise party, min? oh, min, you know -- preppies can be such snobs! [ snobbishly ] biffy, that krugerrand seems to have fallen out of your loafer. now, muffy, come here, child. you have to take that alligator off your shirt. it's been dead for a month now. mearth has to go to school. he's got to be around kids like himself to be able to learn. but there's no substitute for experience. i mean, look at me. i know all the hosts of "real people." let's see -- skip stephenson, john barbour, sarah purcell, and that black guy. why don't you want mearth to go to school? [ sighs ] truth of the matter is, min, he's growing up and he won't need me. i should just go sit in the shed with his training wheels. oh, mork. and that tire that he uses for a teething ring. mork, mearth needs you now more than ever. look, you know all about ork.
and anyway, it's only one day a month. yeah, you're absolutely right. i feel a little self-indulgent recently. i feel like ronald reagan at a budget meeting. so, what do you say we get to that old application? well, can't it wait till the morning? [ thunder crashes ] it's all right -- just one little page anyway. i hid it in merv griffin's autobiography. i thought nobody would ever look in here. hurry up, mearth. you're gonna be late. oh, mommy, daddy, i'm all ready for school. look at me. ye-e-s. oh, i shined my shoes until they're almost silver. i shaved my face so close, so the other children can identify with me. oh, min, i can't take it. it seems like he was hatched just yesterday.
have to watch "people's court" alone. i thought we agreed there wasn't gonna be a scene. oh, you're right. you're right. i'm sorry. daddy was a little emotional, but he's over it now. it's like the time he heard that tom snyder was quitting. [ tone sounds ] that's it! there's the school beam now! all right, son. you take care. you make me real proud of you. and if you join the band, don't be the organ carrier. boy, they're heavy. ha ha ha. ere's your lunch. you have a good day, okay? we'll see you when you get home. okay. [ buzzing ] gosh, well, mommy, daddy, i'm still here! but you -- [ buzzing ] you might just be a big -- oh, min, he's gone.
what are you doing? would you believe it? i'm cleaning my oven. hmm. how are they biting? ah, not too bad. i had one little 5-foot avon lady, but she got away. mork, just because the baby's gone away to school is no reason to go crazy! hey, min, got a bite! hey! oh, mail! ya-a-y! oh, yeah, maybe it's a letter from him! oh, it's my book-of-the-month club. "gary coleman -- the early years." mork, do you realize how long it's been since we've been together alone? isn't there anything you could think of that the two of us might do on a snowy afternoon?
would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! oh, ah... nooo. what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. for $89.99 a month you'll get
this is not what i call a positive attitude. min, when i hear that name -- miss geezba -- it's like saying "disarmament" to alexander haig. mearth, you know something? i had teachers i didn't like, too. but you know what? they were usually the ones i learned the most from. i just don't fit in any world. this is just worse than being called "butchie, the dog-faced boy." oh, sweetheart, don't you say that. y. yeah. did you ever see "massacre at central high"? know what, mearth? i came home crying my first day at school, too. tell you what -- how would you feel about going back to ork prep if daddy and i went with you? well, i'll see what teddy says. i only have trust in you.
[ mumbling ] he says yes. good. well, the two of you have a nice time. the three of us will have a nice time, mork. don't worry -- i'm sure miss geezba will be very happy with the way you turned out. i don't think so. on a field trip to the sun, she made me wear a coat. i hate her! i hate her! i hate her! i hate her! i hate her! i hate her! i hate her! i hate her! [ buzzing ] ver had my molecules scattered all over the universe before! am i all here? yes, except you're bald. [ gasps ] made you look! i'm just so happy to be back at school. i'm sorry. [ door opens ] oh, whoa, hold it. hello. mearth, young man, we do not leave the room without getting a hall pass. oh, i -- excuse me, sweetheart -- i'm mearth's mother.
a, and don't talk down to me! mork! ma'am. ow! you still owe me a book report. i'm sorry. the last one burned up on re-entry. i'll write you a new -- oh, please don't do that. i don't want to have lobes hanging down to my knees. see, i told you that she was tougher than a rawhide chew stick. talkin' about you! mearth. miss geezba, uh... th came home very upset. and we were hoping we could talk to you about him adjusting to this environment. see here -- i've been a teacher for 43 bleems, and no one tells me how to run my classroom. i'm sure everything will be fine, once mearth gets to know the other children... and our alphabet.
as long as he behaves. i hate her! i hate her! i hate her! what did i tell you? she's the house of correction. she is a mean, little, small person. [ bell rings ] look, min, aren't they cute at this age? oh, mearth, i missed you at recess. i waited for you in the sandbox. mork: that's very nice. he's already made a little friend. i have a feeling she's everybody's little friend. oh, earth head! earth head! listen, i'm sorry i was mean to you this morning. it's okay, ovits. isn't that nice, mearth? why don't we shake and make up? you're not kidding me? here's my hand -- ovits' hand.
geezba! miss geezba! fighting again, mork? take your seat! yes, ma'am. but did you see what that other kid did? no, i didn't! and no one likes a tattletale. sit! mearth: to hit a child. to hit a child! sweetheart, you sit down. we'll be back there. oh...oh. mommy and daddy, remember -- no matter what happens, i still love you. listen, earth head -- if you don't want old geezba to call on you when she asks a question, all you have to do is raise your hand. got it? if you raise your hand when she asks a question, she won't pick on you. can i be sure of this, ovits? what are friends for?
mearth? ar ar ar ar ar! well, mearth? benjamin franklin. [ class laughs ] aretha franklin. [ laughs ] that will be enough, class! don't worry. colleges are very expensive anyway. let's begin "manilow appreciation." mommy, daddy, you can't make me stay here. well, you can, but if you do, i'll hold my breath. don't you worry. mommy's gonna go talk to that little old pipsqueak. min, come on. we've gotta come down to ork here. listen, you've never been the object of ridicule, except for that time when you tried to play "the mikado."
see, when i was going to school, i was the one they made fun of. kids will make fun of you as long as you let them. but if you have pride in yourself, there's nothing anyone can say. that's right! hold your chin up high. then they can really deck ya. do you have any idea what it's like sitting next to ovits? ohh! ohh, ohh, ohh! hmm? just ignore ovits. i will. just ignore ovits. ? da da-na, da na-na na-na ? [ hums ] all right, class. that's enough manilow. we don't want to get your blood-sugar level too high. now, boys and girls, it's time for show and tell. who wants to go first? i've got something i'd like to show mearth.
omething he'd like to share. oh. well, as a matter of fact, i do, uh, miss geezba. i guess, first of all, most of you, by this time, know that i'm from earth. i have something that none of you have here on ork -- none of you! i have parents. well, mommy and daddy, come o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n down! listen, what can parents do that a test tube don't? well, for instance, you drop 'em, they don't break. other than that, i'll tell you some other things. first of all, they, uh...
also, the one thing they don't let me do is barbecue in the bedroom. that's bad. but when i'm real good -- and i try to be most of the time -- they always give me something like... this. [ croaks ] wow! what's that?! ovits: oh, could i see that? what does it do? well, this is a frog. he's amphibious. that's a very big word for me. and he's also pretty good on the land. and he eats flies, of course, has a long tongue, and, also, you can find him in some of the better french restaurants. and he goes, "ribbit, ribbit, ribbit." excuse me, earth head... could i hold him? if you let me hold him, i promise i won't hit you no more. okay.
a little higher. keep your palms up. you know, i could really deck you right now. but i won't! why? because i'm bigger than you are. what a wonderful child i am. your little boy is going to be just fine. oh, well, goodbye. and thank you for letting us observe. you're welcome. stand up straight, mork. k report. yes, ma'am. i'm doing it on the wit and wisdom of richard nixon. it'll be a one-page essay. well, thank you for letting us observe. you're welcome. [ sighs ] you know something? you handled that so well with mearth. you're a good father. oh, bless you, min. we've got another hour till the next beam. how about we go shopping? okay, that sounds like fun.
mork calling orson. come in, orson. mork calling orson. come in, orson. mork calling orson. come in, your fat-farmness. ah, mork, good to see you. good to see you, too, sir. i'm proud to say, sir, a lot better than i did. that's my godson. he is, indeed, sir. today, ork prep -- tomorrow, ork med. i'm not exactly sure that would be mearth's choice. sir, i've learned that, although it's good to encourage your child to shoot for the stars, it's not always good to choose which galaxy. if it's up to parents, there would only be three jobs in the whole world -- doctor, lawyer, and wholesale jeweler. but don't you want mearth to pursue a career you can be proud of?
he wants to become a network executive. until next week, sir, nanu, nanu. -- capt samantha: darrin? yeah? a cab just drove up. it must be what's-his-name, the friend of your great-aunt letitia's from ireland. jerry o'toole? oh, no. what's the matter? this is one morning i can't afford to be late to the office. i'm gonna have to sneak out the back door. well, that's not being very hospitable. but look at the time! you can't say "hello" to an irishman in a minute. don't fret. i'll see him when i get home. oh, all right. he's not my great-aunt letitia's friend. i didn't even remember i had a great-aunt letitia until she wrote. i should think you'd be curious to meet someone from derrybrien. not a bit. [ irish accent ] oh!