tv North Carolina News at 500PM CBS November 11, 2016 5:00pm-6:00pm EST
i'll get my tools. captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. ? donny hathaway: ? lady godiva was a freedom rider ? women: ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she didn't care if the whole world looked ? ? joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ?
( sucks ) ( sucks ) walter, are you gonna smoke that pipe or play it? ( sucking ) it's clogged. ( sucking ) where... ( sucking ) ( sucking ) where are my... ( sucking ) where are my... out with it, walter! where are your ( sucking ) what? my pipe cleaners. how should i know where your pipe cleaners are. maude, i need something long and fuzzy to clean my pipe. maybe you'll like me to starch your caterpillar. all right, maude, i won't smoke my pipe. ( loud clinking ) walter, will you stop?! you're driving me up the wall! it's only been a week since i took up pipe smoking. you'll get used to it. never, walter. never.
carpet. furthermore, your mustache is beginning to turn yellow. it's like kissing a molting canary. for crying out loud! a man can't even enjoy a pipe! i mean, what's wrong with that? i've given up cigarettes and i've quit drinking. what other pleasures are there? which reminds me, walter, you seem to have given that up, too. i'll tell you what i'm talking about, walter findlay. your husbandly duties.
come on now, walter. this is one function we cannot blame on nixon. don't blame it all on me, maude. sunday night i was awake. or was it monday? you know, honey, i'm beginning to realize what's happening to you. the flashes of temper, the pipe, the bedroom, your new shoes-- they're all symptomatic. what are you talking about? these shoes are the latest things. they're stylish. they're comfortable. take them off, walter. what for? take them off. take them off and i'll show you. all right. i will. is it a crime for a man to wanna feel as tall as his wife? you poor man. you know, walter, what's happening to you is exactly what we saw on that tv special the other night.
no, walter. male menopause. you gotta be kidding. i am not kidding, walter. you're exactly like that man on the show. the middle-aged one with the mustache? wearing the fancy sports jacket, the high heels and-- and smoking the pipe. for crying out loud, maude. that was walter cronkite! i'm talking about the other man! i hate to disappoint you, maude, but i am not going through male menopause. i mean, every time you see a television show, you become an expert on something. you are putty in the hands of the media, maude. oh, very perceptive, walter. particularly coming from a man who keeps a shoebox full of baseball cards under his bed. all right, maude, that's it. i've had it! i don't wanna hear about it anymore! i can't do anything around this house! you're the only one who can do things around this house. but not walter. oh, no, not walter. i can't smoke my own pipe,
with it. i'm gonna go into the den and be as tall as i want. why is this thing always stuck? kick it with one of your high heels, walter. ( sobbing ) oh, maude! maude: oh, boy. just what i needed, miss tiny tears. vivian, i love you. go home. ( sobbing ) oh, maude, arthur and i! arthur and i are having the fight of our lives! and you wanna bring it over here to madison square garden. you don't understand. it's all on account of my little dog, chuck? well, you know, arthur's always hated chuck! he treats that dog like an animal. vivian, will you have a heart? you're talking to a woman who just found out her husband wears wedgies. vivian: you don't care! oh, all right! you don't care!!! all right, vivian. tell me about it. well... it all started this afternoon, and it's all arthur's fault! he provoked poor little chuck
and do the worst thing a dog can do to a man. he lifted his leg. and then arthur... did something unspeakable! he retaliated. ( sobs ) aid, "an eye for an eye." ( walter blows his pipe ) walter, what the hell are you doing now? going through male menopause. can't you go through it in the den? don't start with me, maude. will you, please, listen to me? arthur wants to give chuck away, maude! oh, you know how much that little dog means to me. he's like my little baby! maude, please, won't you talk to arthur? all right, all right, all right, vivian.
anything is better than standing here, talking to you. walter, if you have any compassion at all, comfort this woman. and vivian, if you have any sense at all, don't listen to him. walter, ( sniffles ) i'm so upset. vivian, i guarantee you i'm at least twice as upset as you are. maybe more. you couldn't be! arthur is impossible! do you know what it's like living with a man who puts shoetrees in his slippers? vivian, please, don't cry. ) around here, every minute it's "walter, do this. walter, do that." "god'll get you for this." "god'll get you for that." it's like living with a billy graham in drag. i know i shouldn't be doing this. psychologically, it's--it's masochistically self-destructive. where did you hear a thing like that? from maude! she saw it on a television program.
in deep psychological terms. arthur, you're a dummy. maybe so, but i'm gonna be a dummy without a dog. i don't trust that mutt. he's manic-depressive. one minute he licks. the next minute he barks. arthur, you're being absolutely absurd. you think so, do you? do you know what vivian does for that dog? she makes home-cooked meals for him. she knits sweaters for him. she even gets up in the middle of the night to take him for a walk. arthur, you what i think? i think you're jealous. ha ha ha! me, jealous of a dog? ho ho ho! a man, maybe. but a dog? i got more brains in my little finger than he's got in all four paws. don't tell anybody, will you, maudie? it's awful. a licensed physician, jealous of an unlicensed dog.
you stand to lose something very valuable, and you should apologize. apologize to a dog? i'm talking about vivian!!! you--you think vivian would-- would leave me? well... arthur, chuck is... chuck is her baby. she thinks of him as her child. for vivian's sake, arthur, try to think of chuck as your son. ( sighs ) chuck. ( barks ) son. it's arthur harmon. dad. i've been thinking the whole thing over, and i'm gonna give you one more chance.
( sniffles and weeps ) oh, i'm sorry, walter. i know i shouldn't be doing this. oh, that's all right, vivian. your tears are no wetter than mine. "your tears are no wetter than mine." that's poetry. you're lyrical. ( sobs ) well, just a little. ( sobbing ) but i really shouldn't be bothering you like this. that's all right, vivian. that's what friends are for. ( sobbing ) you know, walter? if i were your wife, i'd never treat you the way maude does. i think you're a very sensitive man. oh? and very attractive, too. attractive? well, i can't take credit for that. i mean, you either are or you aren't.
needs under--understanding and--and care. and i don't think maude is capable of accepting that. and you need a man who has patience. arthur doesn't understand anything. poor chuck. i love dogs. somehow, i knew you would. oh, i'm sorry. no, no. please, i love pipes. really? oh, yes! oh, i think a pipe makes a man look so... distinguished. ( puffing ) you know, vivian? hmm? the perfect thing would be a dog who smoked a pipe. yes. oh, yes! that was a joke, vivian. oh! ( giggling ) you! you're so witty. ( giggles ) that's another thing. maude doesn't appreciate my sense of humor. i think you have a wonderful sense of humor.
you can blow smoke rings, too. well, just... when i feel like it. this is ridiculous. this is crazy. what's happening to me? what is it? i...i don't know, i'm... well, i'm feeling so much for you--you-- so much for your problem. oh! it's crazy. what? well, for a second there, i felt like... kissing you. oh, it's crazy! oh, no, no, no! it's not. don't-- don't feel embarrassed, walter, because, just for a moment, i felt like kissing you. but arthur's my best friend. and maude's my best friend. there's nothing between you and me, vivian.
how many times? how many times when the four of us have been out together having a perfectly lovely evening have you been... undressing vivian with your eyes? stripping her clean like a plucked chicken?! how many times, walter?! never!!! never? here i thought you liked me for myself, walter! now, i realize all this time, you've only been lusting after my wife. arthur!!! don't touch me! oh. ( gasps ) just where do you think you're going? for a cup of coffee. all this lusting is making me a nervous wreck.
come off it, findlay. i've seen you out on the streets. every time a short skirt passes, your head whirls around so fast your eyeballs get whiplash. that's different. that's because i'm a leg man. i mean, every man has a certain part of a woman's body he's attracted to. what parts of vivian turn you on, walter? none!!! none? so i like to look at other girls. ll me you don't look at other men. never! i've never looked at another man! come on, maude. admit it. it's a human thing to do. you not only look at other men, but, sometimes you even fantasize about other men when we're together. how dare you?! you know it's true. i mean, every married man and woman has gone through it one time or another when they needed inspiration. i remember one night we necked for an hour and twenty minutes
that is the sickest lie i have ever heard!!! what kind of a weirdo do you think i am?! fantasizing about men! not once?! paul newman! that was only because i wanted ours to be the perfect marriage and you had once told me you thought of joanne woodward. you people are depraved. you're perverted, and what's even worse, you're rude. oh, can it, arthur! i beg your pardon! you fantasize, too! you told me so yourself. i don't see any need to discuss this. arthur fantasizes about dr. joyce brothers. that was purely a platonic fantasy. it was a professional courtesy between doctors. which is more than i can say for that kiss between you and walter! come on, arthur! ( indistinct arguing ) ( motor roars, tires screech ) that's carol! shh! listen!
ything about this! maude! carol is a grownup. walter, when you have generously given a daughter four different fathers in one lifetime, you don't hit her with this news. get the cards. that's it! we'll pretend we're playing cards. everybody, around the coffee table. not a word. i don't want her to hear a word about it. now, please, everybody. we must be calm. arthur: calm. maude: calm, calm. hi. hello! hi, there! aloha! i just came home to change. i'm picking bill up at jimmy's. we're going to the movies. that's nice! good! great! what are you playing? canasta. rummy. hearts. bridge! all right, what's going on? going-- ha ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha! she thinks something's going on. ( laughs ) ( laughs ) ( all laughing ) mother, i know you. now, what is it? nothing, darling! absolutely nothing.
we've just had a--a very small, petty disagreement over a--a very minor thing. and vivian and walter are having an affair. maude!!! maude!!! oh, carol...carol, vivian and walter... in each other's arms! ( sobbing ) vivian and walter? just a little kiss! ( laughs ) ( laughing ) vivian and walter? ( chuckles ) all right, i appreciate your grief, carol, but knock it off! ( laughs ) i can't! ( laughing ) i can't help it! ( laughing ) ( laughing ) walter and vivian! kissing! ahh! ahh, that's hysterical!
nk i once spent three whole days, looking for a marble in her potty seat. maude? maude, did you catch her reaction? that's the way this whole thing should be treated. laugh it off and forget it. yeah. intellectually, walter, i can do that. emotionally... emotionally, no way. if that's the way you think of me, maude. if that's the way you think of my fidelity, all right. i didn't go out and just kissed anybody. ssed your best friend, because i love your best friend! she was upset, and i responded in the only way i knew how! you-- maude, please!!! there are times when you feel for someone so much that you can only express that feeling in the terms that are available to you. in this case, a kiss! if you don't understand that, that's your problem!!! i'm going into the kitchen to smoke my pipe! and leave me alone!!! and i'm going with you! vivian! arthur: vivian!!! if you don't trust us,
they did it. they went into the kitchen together, alone, unchaperoned. oh, shut up. oh, if it were only as simple as walter says! you know, it would just serve them right, if we gave them a little of their own medicine back. i don't know, arthur. what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, you know. and vice versa. whatever you say, arthur. pucker up, and i'll-- and i'll call them out. what? we'll call them out here. and then you and i'll give each other... the world's biggest kiss. wouldn't it be easier just to go in and shoot them? that's not very nice, maudie. oh, i'm sorry. i'm sorry, arthur. i didn't mean that the way it sounded. i must say this has certainly not been one of my better days.
first, it was the dog. and now it's... vivian and...walter. ( shudders ) i know you don't expect this coming from a surgeon, maudie, but i'm-- i'm-- ( sobs ) arthur, arthur, arthur! ( sobbing ) oh, there, there! arthur...( chuckles ) arthur... look what we're doing. oh, my goodness! arthur, this is exactly what walter was talking about. well, i don't know about that. oh, you are walter's best friend, married to my best friend. and even with you and me, arthur, with all the arguments we've had and... even though, basically, i loathe everything you stand for... no, really. i do, arthur. still, it--
( giggles ) well, it--it wouldn't be... h-hard for me to kiss you, either. arthur, you're not all bad. ( giggling ) ( gasps ) well! well! well, well, well. arthur: we were just-- we were just! look, don't-- don't get the wrong idea! walter: maude. we understand! that's what we've been trying to tell you! we're simply four people who love each other. don't you think it's time we all kissed and made up? oh, darling. oh, yes. yes, yes! you, son of a-- oh! come on, you guys! how about us? come on! walter!
donny hathaway: ? lady godiva was a freedom rider ? women: ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she didn't care if the whole world looked ? ? joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? ( phone ringing )
walter, the hell with the inventory. it's time you examined the merchandise at home. mother, the poor man is working. what do you want from him? oh, i know, i know, i know, carol. and i'm so ungrateful. i know walter wants to be here. he's every bit as romantic as i am. of course he is. right now, walter is down there working his fingers to the bone for you. adele, adele... walter, walter, walter. adele, you are beautiful. i mean, believe me, you could have any man you wanted. any man in the world, any man. then how come edgar walked out on me? except edgar. where are my rolaids? this indigestion is killing me. rolaids. i'm ready to kill myself over edgar, and what do you do?
adele, i don't want you to take an overdose of sleeping pills. so tell me where you hid them so i can go home. you know what's going on with my wife. we must have talked on the phone ten times already. boy, i'm such a looser. i call you because you're my boss and i look up to you. i'm ready to kill myself because edgar left me, and as soon as you get here, your store calls, that it's your wife, your inventory, your gas pains. what happened to my suicide?! adele, i beg you. i got indigestion, i got pains in my chest, my wife's waiting-- please! give me those sleeping pills! no! then why don't you call a priest? there's at least 10,000 ministers in new york. they couldn't help. i'm an atheist. then call a communist!
( phone ringing ) oh, answer it. it's got to be the store about your wife. boy, if that's what marriage is, you should be committing suicide. hello, eddie, it's me. maude called again? eddie, where did you tell her i was this time? the men's room? eddie, that's five times you told her i was in the men's room. maude isn't gonna believe that!
lord, i'll have to call maude again. adele, let me have another one of those rolaids. it's all my fault you're making such an ass of yourself. look, do you want me to get on the phone and explain it to her? adele, how can i tell her i'm calling from a young girl's apartment because her boyfriend left her? even i wouldn't believe it! guess who, sweetheart. sorry, fella. see what you made me do? a wrong number. hello, maude? old iron bladder here. oh, come on. so what if i went into the men's room for the fifth time? the old iron was beginning to rust. maude, don't get so angry. maude, would you listen? maude...
there's no chair? i'll be right home, dear. yes, right away. so, now you heard me just tell her. i promised! now, give me those sleeping pills. you're okay now anyway. i'm a gemini. i'm never okay. but don't you understand what could happen if my wife found out that i was here with you? what if this building got on fire and i got trapped? with your gas, there'd be an awful explosion. very funny, but it could happen. i mean, guys have gotten trapped in girl's apartments before. fires, police raids-- i even knew a guy who had a heart attack in a girl's apartment. how do you explain that to your wife? i mean, he thought he had indigestion but it was really a hea--a hea--a hea--
why not? my chest is killing me. it's like an elephant stomping on me. i'm gonna call your wife. no! i'll call arthur. arthur always told me... don't wait if you get a pain. check it out. hello, arthur? it's walter here. oh, i'm sorry i woke you, arthur. but, well, i got this pain in my chest and... uh... tingling running down my left arm. no! don't run over next door. because the pains aren't over next door. they are over here. arthur, please don't tell maude but come over quick. 112 lovebird lane. apartment 3b. oh, boy. here. here, sit down.
dear god, don't let me die here or i'll never hear the end of it! eddie, i don't care if he went out to get a snicker bar. you tell him if he is not home in ten minutes, we are finished, terminated, kaput, over and out! ( doorbell rings ) maude, maude. maude, listen, you know, arthur just ran out of the house-- please, vivian, i have my own problems. yeah, but, maude, maude, listen... maude, maude, maude... all right, all right, vivian, vivian, you trying to tell me? maude, maude, maude-- arthur just--ar--ar-- ( stammering ) vivian, out with it! ( stammering continues ) it's panic, isn't it? it's panic! your throat muscles have tightened up, and you can't speak. ( yelping ) this is terrible! ( mumbles ) he got fresh with you. he didn't--he didn't get fresh with you.
orgot valentine's day? sounds like, sounds like, sounds like... uh...oh! uh...hangnail. ( mumbling ) oh, art, art! sounds like art, sounds like art! uh, start. uh, tart. oh, that bum. he's out with a tart. no, no. oh! oh! heart, heart. heartburn. ( groans ) heartache. heart attack! ( groans ) oh, this is terrible! he didn't have a heart attack. it was somebody else. my heaven! uh, uh... somebody with a runny nose... uh...somebody with a moustache. uh...a man with a moustache and a pointed head. ( screaming ) a bald spot! somebody with a bald spot and a moustache!
( beeping ) you're right, walter. you did have a heart attack. probably a mild one. my guess is subendocardial infarction. arthur, talk english. well, that just means an attack that didn't go completely through the heart muscle, which is good. e, until we get the results back on the enzyme test. well, good night, walter. arthur, wait a minute! what are those little beeps over there? oh, that's you. as long as you keep beeping, you're still in the old ball game. arthur, what happened? only a couple of weeks ago, you gave me a complete physical. you said i was healthy as a horse. ah, there's the rub, walter.
arthur... the beeps? you know, you were lucky, walter. you were smart enough to do something right away. arthur, the beeps have stopped. you know, the first couple of hours are critical when it comes to-- dummy! the beep stopped! dummy? listen, if you and i are gonna have a good doctor-patient relationship-- the beeps have stopped? the beeps have stopped! ( laughing ) i kicked the plug out by mistake! relax, walter! you're alive! thanks to con-edison. see? it says so right there. now, you just take it easy. maude's on her way over here-- maude. what am i gonna do about maude?
except you had a heart attack. you old dog, you! come on, arthur. i mean, sure, i was in that girl's apartment but believe me, nothing happened! so nothing happened. don't be embarrassed. it happens to the best of us on a bad day. arthur! you just relax and have a good night's sleep. arthur... oh, maudie. i'm glad you are here. arthur. how is he? walter is gonna be all right. he just had a mild heart attack. oh, thank god. walter? walter? oh, walter, walter, what have i done to you? ( crying ) maude! this is all my fault. can you ever forgive me? i am so sorry, so sorry-- maude, you're such a good wife! i love you!
arthur. oh, he's all right, maudie. i just gave him a sedative. he's falling asleep. oh. arthur... arthur, i'm just going to sit here by his bed tonight. that won't be necessary, maudie. oh, please, arthur. if it hadn't been for my complaining while he was working, he wouldn't be lying here. hi, doctor. remember me, the loser? yes, nurse-- nurse loser. how is he doing? oh, he's fine, fine, just fine. now, i--i--i-- i'm tied up for a few minutes. would you mind waiting in the reception room? i--i'll talk to you later. oh! i forgot... when walter had the heart attack in my apartment,
but, walter! you've been in this hospital for three weeks now. you're well enough to have gone home a week ago. as your physician, i insist that you leave this hospital. i want a second opinion. that was a second opinion. i told you the same thing yesterday. nurse, mr. findlay is gonna check out. no! now listen, walter, your enzymes tests are normal, your e.k.g. los good-- you're 100% well. so check him out, nurse. oh, by the way, would you order a, uh, pelvic traction for the disc in 839, ten milligrams of m.s. for the broken leg in 873, and a cheeseburger for the hernia in 694. forget it, arthur. i'm not going home. now, walter-- i--i think maude knows about this girl! i got this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. everybody gets that feeling, walter. it's the hospital food. i'm telling you, arthur. maude's been acting very strange lately. in her last four visits,
it's like being married to an owl. what about you? every time maude comes to visit, you put on that phony act. as if you had one foot in the grave. now, you can't spend the rest of your life here, walter. when are you going home? well, maybe when i finish this shawl i'm knitting for myself. come on, arthur, you said yourself that keeping your fingers moving is good therapy. get out of this bed! no! stop that! cut it out! now, walter, we've got to do something to get you over this obsession of yours nows. to begin with, did you tell her? you think i'm crazy? all right, you didn't tell her. and you certainly know that i wouldn't tell her. that would be a violation of my professional ethics. and that girl wouldn't tell her. it'd probably be a violation of her professional ethics. maudie? arthur! walter wants to talk to you. yeah. he's coming home. ( softly ) hello, maude?
she sounds thrilled. i'll tell you all about it when i get there. oh, no. that's not necessary. arthur will drive me. i love you, too, sweetie. ( kisses ) oh, thank you, arthur! where are my clothes? where are my clothes?! oh, it's great to be going home. oh, boy! i never felt so good about going home. i could dance. i knew you'd feel that way, walter. to agree to go home, as your physician, there's one thing i think i should tell you. what? maude knows. you see, up 'til now i've only had to face him during visiting hours at the hospital. and, oh, i've been a champion, carol. and, oh, i've been a champion, vivian. i haven't said one word to him,
arthur gave me about that girl committing suicide. of course, in his condition, how can i upset him? yet, when i think that he had a heart attack with that woman, it infuriates me! especially since he never had one with me. play the jack, carol. oh, why am i acting this way? so bitter and vindictive.! i should be--i should be down on my knees thanking god that he's still alive. play the ten, viv. mother, don't tell vivian what to play. you just looked at my cards. carol, i may be vindictive, but i do not cheat. which is more than i can say for walter. oh, lord, i've done it again! i have to forget about that tramp. i must not ever, ever, ever, ever say a word to him about that girl. play the nine, dodo.
there isn't enough wire in the world for that. thank you, carol. throw the four. gin! that'll teach you to talk to your mother that way. walter, i absolutely refuse to have anything to do with this charade. please, arthur. just give me five minutes. five minutes to explain to maude what happened while i still have her sympathy left. otherwise, i'll have to go back to the hospital. oh, no! not now. when maude gets through with me. ( trembling voice ) thank you, arthur. i think i can make it from here. oh, darling. darling! please don't touch, maude! i tip over so easily. hello, carol, vivian. welcome home, walter. hi! oh, darling, you look-- you look wonderful. doesn't he look wonderful? just wonderful. wonderful. uh, here, sweetheart, let me help you to the couch.
for myself. good lord, he's turned into tim conway. i made it. now, then, where's my knitting? uhh! careful, walter! here it is, here it is. thank you, carol. oh, arthur, let's go home. i can't bear to watch this. isn't there some way we can help him? only by giving him acting lessons. maudie, remember-- he's to stay on that low-cholesterol, low-fat diet i gave you. get plenty of rest, and, of course, go for walks. arthur, what about s-e-x? s-e-x?
walter, can i get you something to drink? oh, please, carol. a cup of tea. it'll be good exercise... squeezing the lemon. walter, what is it?! my calisthenics. oh, thank heaven! i thought you were praying. uhh... well, that's enough for the first week. oh, walter, walter, walter... it's so wonderful having you back! oh, maude. maude, do you know where my glasses are? i think i forgot them again.
oh! darling, that's all right. that's all right, sweetheart. i'm glad you brought it up. maude... no, no. let me be the one to say it. walter, darling, i have to. walter... i know all about that girl in the apartment. no, darling, i've said it, and now it is over. i know, and now you know i know. let's just forget it. no recriminations, no accusations. walter, it's over. over? over! oh, maude, has anyone ever told you that you are the most wonderful wife in the world? oh, don't, don't. look, you just relax, and let maude nurse you back to health. because, sweetheart, you're my whole life and... i can't start to live again until i know that you are all right. oh, maude, my maude, have i got some great news for you. no, later, darling-- oh, no, maude. this is great news!
about everything. what is it, darling? i learned that the test checked out perfectly. all systems go. i am completely well! oh, walter... walter, are you telling me the truth? it is the truth, maude! i found out that a heart attack is not the end of the world! it's not the end of the world? arthur says that i'm as good as new. walter, you're as-- yes! maybe even better! walter, you mean you-- you're well? my walter's well! my walter-- oh, walter! i'm the happiest woman in the world! you son of a bitch! five times in the men's room, walter! you were in that girl's apartment.