tv North Carolina News at 1100PM CBS November 11, 2016 11:00pm-11:35pm EST
[ cheering ] thank you very much! come on. thank you. hey, that's nice. thank you, that's-- [ laughter ] thanks, that's very nice of you. i haven't heard that much applause since joan collins picked up her wedding night pictures at fotomat. [ laughter ] we've got a good show. this part of the show is, as you probably know, is called the monologue. we call it new wave comedy because if you don't laugh, we wave goodbye and we bring in a new group-- [ laughter ] >> whoo! >> i forgot that you were with us. where's doc? >> you forgotten that i were with you? >> no, no! i know that you-- [ laughter ] no, i know you're with us. >> oh, yes. >> but i get confused is when i know doc is--
but you come out here and put on a brown suit and lead the band. [ laughter ] is doc doing a concert or something? >> yes, he is. in phoenix. >> in phoenix? that's right. doc is, i think, the resident conductor of the phoenix pops orchestra. isn't that true? >> correct. >> do you ever get a gig like that? >> not yet, no. >> not yet. [ laughter ] tommy spent the whole day down at jc penny's in the valley hoping to get a look at princess diana. [ laughter ] see, lot of people on the staff like freddie and bobby quinn get invited to these celebrity golf tournaments-- tommy got one today. an invitation to play in the weekend golf at the lion country safari. [ laughter ] anyway, i welcome you to burbank. the burbank chamber of commerce gets a little edgy when i do jokes about burbank. but they have a nice sense of humor. it is an older community.
how old is it? well, let me tell you. where else can you yell in the crowd, "look! halley's comet and they say, "not again." [ laughter ] does that give you an idea? [ applause ] the white house announced today-- they found a diamond tiara in the ballroom and if the owner does not claim it in 30 days, nancy's keeping it. [ laughter ] did you see-- i understand prince charon princess of wales, that's her official title, isn't it? they call her princess diana, princess of wales. are back in london now. you know how much luggage they brought according to the paper? seven thousand pounds of luggage. yeah, for that 10 day trip. now, i'll tell you who i feel sorry for, it's prince charles standing at the baggage carousel-- [ laughter ] with those claim checks, i mean-- [ laughter ]
the newspapers covered it all over the place. i guess the last part they went to was down in palm beach. prince charles danced with joan collins. you see, the prince is a big fan of "dynasty" and you would be too if you were the first in line to inherit one. [ laughter ] speaking of that, there was a special show on last night, wasn't there? the 2 hour version of "dynasty." did you see it? [ applause ] they now have the carringtons an were all in one room. it looked like christmas eve at k-mart. [ laughter ] next week is going to be even worse when blake's long lost cousin, john walton shows up with his family. [ laughter ] i mean-- charlton heston played jason colby. i don't think heston has really made the transition from movies to television. he arrived at the party
and i understand next week, julio iglesias is going to guest on the colby's and cut a record with everyone in the family. [ laughter ] remember the incident with the russian sailor that they said was trying to defect here? >> right. >> yeah, the soviet union now claims that that sailor, who tried to defect actually fell overboard. now, if you believe that, their army was drugged and kidnapped into afghanistan. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it was an interesting lawsuit filed, i guess, just this week in hollywood. producer george lucas, do you know who he is? he's a man who produced "star wars." he was suing to stop the use of the word "star wars"
yeah, apparently he didn't win it. and in a similar story, disney productions is suing the united states post office because everybody refers to them as a mickey mouse organization. [ laughter ] >> hey-yo! [ applause ] >> so i guess the reagan administration is no longer going to call our defense plan "star wars, " they're going to call it "death wish 3." [ laughter ] presidential campaign in '86 is going to be called "pee-wee's big adventure." [ laughter ] so anyway-- [ applause ] who do we have tonight? we have a good show for you tonight. we have mr. robert blake, whom you all know from "hell town." robert is here for his usual therapy session. [ laughter ] we have david "read those labels"
[ applause ] and tell us how not to get ripped off. and a fascinating lady i just said hello to in makeup. she's, i believe, 81 years old. her name is eura irwin. you will not believe what she does but i want to tell you what she does. she has a paper route. yes, in her hometown, she still gets up, i guess, every morning and delivers papers at 81. so, what else do we have? >> that's it. >> well, that's a lot. okay. and we'll be right back. [ music ]
>> we've got a nice crowd here tonight. >> you know, it's the weather. it's the most beautiful weather-- >> yeah. >> we've had in southern california in the last three days. >> mmhmmm. gorgeous. >> it is. the day before yesterday, was, i think, the coldest day we've had in los angeles in about 2o years. >> yeah. >> it got down to something like-- in los angeles about 40 degrees. >> yeah. >> now, that means nothing to people in wyoming or montana. remember those days back then? >> oh, yes. >> twelve below zero, i think, the other day in cut bank, montana-- below zero. one does not put one's tongu on the pump handle. >> no. [ laughter ] >> remember that as a kid? you could not resist? >> sure. never do that. >> do not put -- until you put your tongue right on the wrought iron. they pour hot water over you. have you been out trying to find the comets yet? >> not yet. >> i may have confused some people last night-- i said i was out trying to find haley's comet. >> yeah. >> actually, it will be, i think, more visibility toward the end of this month. >> right. >> early december and then back into march and april. they're selling a lot of telescopes. >> where is the angle? you mentioned someplace
what is the angle that you looked? >> up. >> i know-- [ laughter ] but i mean, is there like a 45 degree angle-- a 30 degree angle? from the horizon, what is the angle that you look? >> well, i don't have an exact measurement for you today. >> i won't pin you down to exact-- i'm just getting a rough idea. >> well, i could the-- >> because i will look around when i find that angle. >> i could get that estimate for you and bring it in tomorrow. >> would you-- >> yes. >> be so kind. >> actually, it was in the constellation of the pleiades. then it is moving in taurus, then it goes along and it moves. you don't see a big streak-- people looking up there-- >> that's what i was expecting to see. >> no, you're not going to see a big-- >> i'm going to be very disappointed. >> back in next march and april, you will see the tail. but as of right now, you can't see the tail. all you see is a little-- a kind of fuzzy little patch there. >> all right. it's the only comet we've got so i'll have to take it. [ laughter ] >> that's right. and you're used to seeing fuzzy little patches anyway. [ laughter ]
>> you couldn't resist. >> you're right, that was called a cheap shot. i'm sorry. [ laughter ] now, how many of you watch on television what they call a normal situation comedies? you know-- [ applause ] there were some really good ones on and there are some that-- not too sharp. >> no. >> but have you ever noticed everything is funny in a sitcom nowadays? >> mmhmm. >> see, we do this show live. i mean, we're taped-- it's shown jusco after we finish it. >> mmhmm. >> we have a studio audience and we tape for an hour. that's it-- good, bad, or indifferent-- that's where the show comes on. situation comedies-- everything is funny now. >> mmhmm. >> you ever notice? >> sure. >> pete comes in the door and says, "hi, dad" and there's a scream. >> big laugh, yeah. >> because sometimes, what they do, they use what is called-- i guess most people know, is a laugh track. >> right. >> and some shows will work in front of a live audience in the studio and then they will add-- >> mmhmm. >> laughter on top of that, which is called "sweetening." >> right. >> in other words,
even when it's not funny. >> yeah. >> now, there are shows at nbc that uses laugh tracks on-- >> oh, yeah. >> there are some-- i think "the cosby show" is done in front of a live audience and i don't think it's sweetened at all. i'm sure there are other shows. but nbc feels that people at home should know when to laugh and they've even asked "the tonight show" to use a laugh track. >> no kidding. >> what? >> really? >> that's right. of course, i'm against that, but what can i do? >> yeah. >> i'm just a cog in a big machine. [ laughter ] so i thought-- let's assume that we had a laugh track on the show. >> right. >> why don't we just have a discussion and we'll show you what-- when we have a little banter here, what it would sound like at home and how confusing it is. i'll just-- we'll just talk about anything. what do you think of the weather lately? >> it's the coldest i've ever seen it. >> i almost froze this morning. [ laughter ]
thank you. >> that must be really sore. [ laughter ] do you drive into work everyday? >> yes. >> you know, sometimes i stop and try to hitch a ride. [ laughter ] now, that's what it would sound-- >> mmhmm. >> and that's about what happens on sitcoms. >> that's right. >> webster comes into the door, "hi, dad." rah! everybody laughs. let me tell you, folks, a lot of people make money selling laugh tracks to the network. now, we figured we have, what-- about 500 people-- i figured tonight, why not? we've got 500 people here-- you people. going to give you some cues-- [ laughter ] tell you a situation in situation comedy. now, these situations are not particularly funny but when they're shown on television, they will be funny because you'll hear 500 people laughing. and beside that, we can sell them and pick up a couple of bucks. you'll have fun later on in the season listening to yourselves at home, knowing that you were laughing at these situations. [ laughter ]
you know, just-- if i give you like this-- >> really -- >> it's more laughter and if it's just a little titters, we'll give you that. now, here's a request we got from "love boat." i'll describe the situation and then tell you when to fill a laugh in. >> right. >> it's the last night of the cruise of the formal dinner with the captain. captain stubing is proposing a toast-- all of a sudden he feels his table start to shake. he looks under and there's van johnson and cesar romero fighting over over ann sothern's halter top. [ laughter ] you see now, you took it out a little fast. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> i waved you on. if you noticed, it has to swell and then-- >> yeah. >> just let it trail off like people are-- >> no. >> sense of humor, okay? we'll try another one, here. [ laughter ] that was not bad, though. >> no -- good job. >> all right, here's one from "golden girls." nbc show, right? >> right. >> all right. blanche says she wants to get in shape and begins to do situps. she starts to feel a little shortness of breath and phones the paramedics.
rose, as a gag, replaces the paramedics' oxygen tank with helium. you, see already-- it's getting funny. as blanche floats to the ceiling, she gets her panty hose snared in the chandelier. [ laughter ] good, good, good! perfect! that is wonderful! >> that was perfect. >> you see, because people have different senses of humor, they should really kind of trail off, all right? let's try one-- "webster" needs a little punching up here. that's what they call it-- a little bit. all right, this is for the thanksgiving episode of "webster." george and katherine prepare a thanksgiving turkey. george says, "where's webster?" katherine says, "did you check his room?" then george peeks inside the turkey-- [ laughter ] and says, "honey, you baked webster inside the turkey!" [ laughter ]
in there. [ laughter ] no groans. all right. "give me a break--" they need a little help. grandpa accidentally walks into the bathroom while nell is taking a shower. [ laughter ] >> you didn't give a signal. >> i did no signal here, folks. and he says, "are those stretchmarks or did the freeway add another 15 lanes?" [ laughter ] all right, wve not just laughter, but they want certain sound effects like if somebody brings a little puppy, go "awww." >> "awww." >> you get a lot of those, all right? this is what is called a "cute reaction." for example, our friend merv griffin, you know, when he's talking to somebody and he goes, "oooh." [ laughter ] "is that right? oooh?" so, we're all going to do-- here's a plot on punky brewster. this will finish with merv griffin.
brings it home and shows it to henry, the crusty old apartment manager. and she says, "this is my special new friend, mr. snuggles." >> oooh. [ laughter ] >> that's good, good stuff. >> yeah, yeah. >> you know what? thank you, you're a good audience. you know what we can make for this stuff? >> oh-ho. >> tons. did you know they actually do that in shows? somebody will tape a show and if it's really a good show in front of an audience, somebody will come in some other show and say, "do you mind if we borrow or buy that studio reaction?" >> mmm. >> and then they will-- you folks have probably heard yourself on many shows and don't even know it. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> anyway... thank you. we got tonight, mr. robert blake, david "read those labels horowitz," and in a moment, you'll meet eura irwin, who does have a paper route. and we'll be back in a moment.
my first guest is an interesting woman who seems to be the oldest woman in the country with a paper route and she lives in hope, arkansas. and the newspaper she delivers is called "the hope star" and we have about 20 seconds of footage here showing her at work. would you take a look? >> moves pretty fast. [ laughter ] look at that. >> there she is. okay, would you welcome please, eura irwin! [ music ]
>> thank you. >> nice to meet you! >> that's just exactly what i needed. >> yeah? >> i go to church sometimes and my legs go to sleep-- >> yeah? >> because my feet can't touch the floor. i think i'm going to build me a little stool to take to church. >> a little pillow or something like that. >> that's right. uh-huh. >> you were really-- was that film speeded up? you were moving real fast there. >> oh, no, that's the way i go, johnny. >> yeah? >> there's nothing slow about me. >> no, i believe that. [ laughter ] you're 81? >> eighty-one years old in september. >> yeah? >> the 22nd. and your name is spelled e-u-r-a? >> e-u-r-a. >> pronounced-- >> well, mother started out spelling u-r-a and they at school they'd say, "you're a hog." or "you're a chicken"-- >> aww. >> or "you're a something." so when we moved to arizona-- >> right. >> she started spelling my name e-u-r-a so they couldn't say, "you are a hog." >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> see, i liked it better. i liked it better. i wasn't a hog anyways. didn't even look like one. >> kids can be cruel, can't they? >> they can be. they can be. >> yeah, they pick up on something like-- >> that's right. >> somebody says you prefer to be called, actually, granny.
>> yeah? >> that's right. how long have they been calling you granny now? you don't want to be called granny too young. >> well, no we didn't start-- about 79. i moved back from texas to hope, arkansas and started delivering papers-- >> yeah. >> and they started calling me granny. >> uh-huh. >> uh-huh. >> so, hope, arkansas is not your-- where you were born. >> oh, i was born in eastland county. >> yeah? >> texas. >> in texas? >> between eastland and garland texas-- >> yeah. >> and moved to arizona when i was 11 and we-- i got married in arizona. i married young. husband said-- they said, "you robbed the cradle." "i got her so i could train her up right." but said that, "she turned the tables on me." >> yeah? [ laughter ] >> when you said you were married young, how old were-- >> fourteen and a half. >> fourteen and a half? >> fourteen and a half. but i knew how to do-- i knew how to keep house and everything. >> yeah? >> i even ironed white shirts-- we don't do that anymore. ironed white shirts for my brothers-- >> is that right? >> and they thought i did a great job. >> yeah. >> yes. >> fourteen and a half-- did you know much about the facts of life at fourteen and a half? >> oh, not too much. >> yeah. >> not too much.
[ applause ] to one man! >> to one man. >> to one man. >> you said to one man. >> to one man! >> well, you don't have to rub it in. [ laughter ] >> well, i wanted you to know the truth. >> oh, that's nice. i think that's wonderful. >> mmm-hmm. >> has it been a relatively happy marriage? >> fine. you know i hear-- >> it must be if you're 66 years. >> i hear people people talk about, "oh, don't get married to someone--" someone said, "i know you didn't love your husband when you married him. you wouldn't be saying those things." >> yeah. well, i'm glad to hear that. you have a couple of daughters, i understand. >> i have a couple of daughters. >> what are their names? >> fannie edda and elda fern. and what was funny, they said about some of the names-- they have some girls named buniva. and did you ever hear buniva? >> no, that's the first-- >> art linkletter had that on program years ago. >> buniva? >> buniva ann. ann is part of my name. >> yeah. >> mmm-hmm. >> so your daughters are edda fern? >> elda. >> elda fern. >> e-l-d-a. >> elda fern. >> elda fern. >> that was two girls i knew that i knew in texas and i loved both of them
>> they do that a lot in the south, don't they in texas with the three names. >> yes, they do. yes, they do. >> and you know, like bobby jo, brisbane and-- >> that's right. >> kitty ann litter. [ laughter ] >> all kinds of names, uh-huh. >> now, hope, arkansas is how big a town? >> i think 10,000 and so. >> yeah? i grew up in a town about that size. that would be considered a-- >> i love it. now, i enjoyed l.a. today that pod rodgers took me all over this town. >> really? >> and i said, "pod--" >> who's pod? >> pod rodgersfr and that's when i started delivering papers-- was for pod rodgers. and today we went all over l.a. and i said, "i love it, it's pretty but i wouldn't trade my little house for the prettiest one up on that hill up there." >> is that right? >> i like privacy. i like my-- [ applause ] >> good for you. >> i like my backyard with my swings-- >> yeah. >> i can swing my grandbabies, you know. >> that's nice. >> one of them won't go to sleep until i take her in the backyard and get her sleep-- and she hangs with her head and arm off the side of the swing like that-- she's 9 months old. >> bless your heart.
[ music ] okay, we are back. you a-- you like that kind of music? >> i like it. >> good. >> i'd love to come over and let them give me lessons to beat those drums. >> would you really? >> oh,yes. >> you always wanted to be a drummer? >> oh, yes. i love drums with the other. all the other's good-- >> yeah. >> but i love those drums a whole lot more. >> yeah. if you're just joining us-- >> that way i can beat them, you know-- >> just everything out, yeah. >> did you ever live on a farm? >> no, i-- >> you wouldn't know anything then if i asked you. you never did nothing. [ laughter ] >> no, no, i lived in north oak, nebraska and i lived in iowa, which is farming community. i never lived on a farm.
so i know about milking cows and slopping the hog. >> did you ever milk one lying on your back? [ laughter ] i did. >> while the cow was lying-- >> while the cow was lying was lying on her back-- she was young and she didn't want the calf to nurse-- she didn't want me to milk her. she jumped around so i put her on her back legs and when she fell over, i tied her to the fence and milked her. >> my gosh. [ laughter ] >> i wasn't going to let her get the best of me. >> i'm glad i've never done it. >> well, i-- >> farm life is tough. i mean, early hours-- >> you're telling me. i get-- >> chores. until i break my barn in. i picked cotton. bales and bales of cotton. i've bailed hay with-- oh, i must tell you about my-- ring in the nose of my bull. and then i put rings in the hog's nose. they had jumped the fence like a hunting dog-- >> yeah. >> and i said i'll go cut some more-- you know what a sapling is? >> sure, which? a switch? >> it's bigger than a switch. it's about like that. >> ahh. >> and i put poles, you know, on my fence to get it up high. get it up as high as my shoulder-- now that's high! >> yeah. >> up to my shoulder-- >> yeah. >> and it jumped out. i went and got it, cut me some more post
and about that time he backed up and knocked me down on the ground and jumped the fence. >> yeah. >> all right, i said, i'll break him someway. i got these little pliers, you know, to put rings in the hog's nose. >> yeah. >> and i put that little ring in that pliar thing, and i tied a bailing wire to the post and put that trough up and he got to eating and i put the other in and looped on their head and i got him like that. >> well, i wouldn't-- >> and the more he pulled, the harder it-- you know. and i just clamped that in that nose. >> yeah. >> he never did jump the fence. [ laughter ] that tamed him. >> that would do it. [ applause ] >> yes, it would. it really did. >> that would keep almost anyone from jumping that fence. [ laughter ] >> well, i said it-- >> let me ask you about this paper route. now, you've been at it how long? >> seven and a half years. >> hope, arkansas, "the hope star." >> that's right. >> now is that daily? >> well, it's daily and afternoon. all-- six days and then five days and on the sixth day, saturday-- >> mmmhm. >> i go in at 7 in the morning and deliver it. but the other days, i go in the afternoon. >> how long-- >> yeah, but they get it ready. sometime i've waited a long time--
how long does it take you to deliver a day? >> oh, if i don't talk too much to my customers-- they don't ask me so many questions, i can deliver it in about an hour and 15 minutes-- about 5 miles they told me it was. i'm not sure it's just that much. >> you walk this? >> i walk this. i go to the plant-- i've got a big old bag here with "hope star--" i painted watermelons on it. >> yes. >> i put it in here and i put 94 papers and if they have, you know, inserts-- >> mmhmm. >> that makes it more-- you know, when i school, that would be 188 papers. >> right. well, i put it in my bag-- >> yeah. >> and i'd have to leave half in the car, see, and i go the west route. and then i go into the car get another. i park about 3 blocks away, see. >> yeah. >> and then i have to walk this other-- then i go to east side of town. >> mmhmm. >> deliver it. i take it in the stores. i don't throw it like a lot of them do. i take it into them, "how are you doing today?" and if it's hot out, i'll say, "have you got the christmas tree yet?" you know, those silly things. [ laughter ] >> you know how "the hope star" can save a lot of money--
[ laughter ] >> i couldn't do that! >> you know. >> i'll tell you-- >> that's what they used to do in the old days, you know, have the troubadour go around-- he would go from village to village and just recite the news. >> i know, but when i talk, then they want to talk and so we get to talking and i would never get around to all those others. >> yeah. what happens in cold weather when it's-- >> oh, i just go-- rain, sleet, snow, or ice-- everything. >> yeah. >> i have boots-- rubber boots up to here. i tie sandpaper on the bottom of my boots-- and tie it on there. i just go right along. >> could i ask-- >> instead of scooting. i don't have to scoot. >> can i ask you a question? when i heard you talk-- when i mentioned your husband a while ago, you kept saying, "husband." >> well, you know why i do that? >> you never said a name-- you never had a name or anything. >> well, his name is troy but i have neighbors and friends that's named troy. when i'm speaking and when i said husband, they know it's my husband. >> so, you just say husband? >> i just say husband. >> and he comes with the rain and the-- [ laughter ] >> i said, "maybe that's why we've been married so long. he let me boss
>> oh, well that's nice. well, it's so nice to have you out here. are you going to stay a day or so? you've had a lot of fun today? >> i'm going home tomorrow. well, i talked with my little grandbabies on the phone a while ago-- >> yeah. >> they want me to come right now and i said, "well, i'll be home tomorrow." >> i don't blame them-- you're quite a remarkable lady. >> oh, they just think they can't get along. they come to the door early in the morning yell, "granny!" >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> i have to go get them and bring them over for breakfast. >> yeah. >> if i can get them to eat. they would rather play. >> well, you're right. i thank you for coming out here. i hope you had good time. >> well, first, did you ever pick a goose-- i want you to know-- >> did i ever what? >> goose? make feather pillows? you stick his head on the arm and hold his legs like-- give a little jerk on the feathers? if there's any blood in it, they're not right. you have to turn the goose loose-- and wait a few days. [ applause ] >> all right. if that ever-- if that ever comes up, i'm ready. [ laughter ] i thank you for coming. >> yes. >> you're a lovely lady and thank you-- >> thank you. >> for being here. >> thank you. >> we'll be here in a minute.