tv North Carolina News at 500PM CBS November 17, 2016 5:00pm-6:00pm EST
oh. andy. you drive. captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc. donny hathaway: ? lady godiva was a freedom rider ? women: ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she didn't care if the whole world looked ? ? joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? carol, i need your help.
ree hours before the party. but mother, you'll never guess how much i paid for-- oh, lord, my nails are a mess. here, carol, buff this. mother, i-- buff, carol, buff! you'll find silver polish in the den. by the way, mother, i'm three months pregnant. carol, i don't care what you do at the office. when you're home, you work. now, scooch. walter, are you still here?! maude, will you calm down? it's just a little party. a little pa--you call a sit-down dinner for 12 people "a little party"? for crying out loud, maude, it isn't even your party, it's vivian's! what are you doing all this for? because poor vivian is a nervous wreck! as anyone would be when her husband calls at 4:00 in the afternoon and says, "oh, by the way, dear, there'll be 12 extra for dinner tonight," and then hangs up. mmm.
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why don't you make get some fun things for the party? like what? come on, walter, you know arthur and his friend are intelligent, professional, sophisticated men-- they're doctors. get a couple of whoopee cushions and a dozen hand buzzers. ( bell rings ) i'll get it, philip. you ordered two heads of lettuce and three cans of, uh, mixed nuts? maude, did you order two heads of lettuce and three cans of mixed nuts? maude: i ordered one head of lettuce.
maude: i heard that, walter! throw him out! how much do i owe you? it's a charge. hey! haven't i seen you before? you look awful familiar. i don't think we know each other. hey, there's somethin' about you. look, i think you got the wrong guy. hey, wait a minute! you drive a blue sedan? yeah, why? this morning... you stopped for a red light on main street, and just as i drove by on my honda, and spit it out the window! walter! i know, i know. whoopee cushions. three months pregnant?! i only said it so you'd pay attention.
think my low-cut blue dress will make me look too sexy? not anymore, mother. that's right, carol. hit and run! maude findlay! what in tarnation are you doing to my wife?! what?! you're making her a nervous wreck. she's got the seating arrangement all fouled up! she put a brain surgeon right next to a foot specialist. you can't do that! they're at opposite ends of the body! what would they talk about? t halfway down the back, they could talk about you. maudie, i don't think you realize what a coo this is for me. my guest of honor is one of the biggest neurosurgeons in the country. i was very lucky to get him. it was just a last-minute thing. arthur, what are you doing? oh, vivian forgot to order liquor.
's. oh, yeah. what is that smell? oh, stuffed cabbage dubrovnik. cabbage? you're gonna serve cabbage to 14 people in one room? maude, i think you're deliberately trying to ruin my party. arthur, if it weren't for me there wouldn't be any party. oh, maude, maude, i need your help right away! vivian, please! it's unbecoming for a prominent physician's wi to submit to hysteria. you wouldn't find dr. schwartz's wife running around the jungle like a chicken with its head cut off. who are you? i'm your maid. oh, of course. stella! i didn't recognize you in somebody else's house. oh, mau-maude, since you're handling everything tonight,
oh, gladly, viv. gladly. now, look, stella dear, actually there is very little for you to do. i've already made the main dish. i want you to do a few extra things like fix the remoulade sauce for the seafood, uh, cocktail... uh, clean the shrimp, toss a green salad, prepare and cook the vegetables, and for dessert make a baked alaska. then you'll simply serve, clean up, and wash the dishes. that's all there is to it. that's all? that's all. i quit. no! wait, wait, wait! uh, stella, you can't quit! i don't do windows, and i don't do parties. which is why the harmons have the quietest house and the dirtiest windows in the neighborhood. uh, stella, listen, listen. haven't we always treated you just like a member of the family? yeah, black sheep of the family. ( vivian whimpering ) vivian, vivian, let me handle this. i'm a liberal and these are my people.
t occasion. and as a prominent civil rights leader, i would personally appreciate your making an exception in the case of these ofays. well, all right. if you put it that way! while you do the serving, i'll wash the windows. wait a minute, wait a minute. i am not that much of a liberal. now listen to me, stella. you are going to serve at that party, and that is that! well, now, mrs. findlay, how. if you think that i'm gonna serve, you can take a flying leap into your cabbage dubrovnik. bye. stella! stella, come back! look, stella, we'll compromise! i'll do half the shrimp! tsk. i knew it, i knew it, i knew it! 15 years ago when she came to work for arthur, i said, "arthur, do not hire her. she is not dependable."
be a total disaster. it's likely to be the end of my marriage to arthur--oh... that's the spirit, vivian. look on the bright side. oh, now, look, vivian. i promised you a sensational party and you're gonna have a sensational party. but who's going to serve? ( humming, singing ) mrs. naugatuck. i'll lend you mrs. naugatuck. you will? well, of course, it's the least i can do. oh, that's perfectly wonderful. oh, come on, vivian, it's nothing. uh, you mean you really don't mind? mi--why should i mind? who would mind? if you have to leave the room, mrs. naugatuck, it's perfectly all right. just a moment. just a flipping moment. a person can lend another person a book, or a few bob, but a person does not lend
queen vivian, calm. now, look, mrs. naugatuck, ducks. i wasn't going to lend you, love. now, that's just the american way of asking you if you have the time, as a person, as a friend, to help mrs. harmon out in her hour of need. as we say at the birdwatchers society, bullfinch. i'll give you 20 bucks. oh, oh, thank you! oh...there'll be 12 of us for dinner. ( whoopee cushion releases air ) hey, this is fun. ( releases air again ) all right, all right, stop acting like a doctor and go get dressed for the party. ( releases air ) wonderful, walter. those doctors'll adore it. party? we're not going to any party. what are you talking about? of course we're going to the party. what makes you think we're invited? arthur never said anything about us coming.
my oldest and dearest amigo in the whole world would let me knock myself out saving her first big dinner party if i weren't invited? shows how little you know about the deep simpatico between two women who have known and loved each other for 35 years. oh, maude, i think everything's going to be fine now. thank you so much! oh, sweetheart, it was nothing. that's what friends are for. and you're the dearest! i'll tell you all about the party tomorrow morning. walter: maude, are you all right? maude, what are you doing? hello, police? i'd like to report a noisy party. maude! 37 crenshaw. n-no rush. it doesn't start for three hours.
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hello? oh, um, vivian, i'm so sorry, dear, but mrs. naugatuck can't make it. no, she just caught her nose in the pressure cooker. yeah, she's currently suffering from a soft-boiled septum. i never do anything small. so, that's it, maude. what a rotten thing to do. you are right, walter. and completely brilliant. now, go upstairs and get dressed for the party. maude, i will go to a party tomorrow night, next week, next month! but not tonight. i think your behavior is neurotic and childish! neurotic and childish? this from a man who cries when he misses a re-run of gilligan's island? maudie, we have to talk to you. oh, vivian, arthur, i'm so glad you popped in.
won't you join us? maudie, this is no time for practical jokes. i am under a great deal of stress, and vivian's nails are still wet. mrs. naugatuck? mrs. naugatuck? mrs. naugatuck: coming! coming! back upstairs, naugatuck. you're not going. i wish you'd told me earlier. i could have gone downtown and picked up a sailor. mrs. naugatuck, the fleet may be in, s ago. back upstairs! wait a minute! come back down here, mrs. naugatuck! back upstairs! i wish you'd make up your minds. with all this upping and downing, i've got a run in me pantyhose. it's obvious maude's upset
oh, come on, vivian. i wouldn't go to that party if you got down on your hands and knees and begged me. although you're welcome to try. but maude, we thought we were doing you a favor. maude, we thought you'd be bored stiff. vivian, i stuffed my cabbage for you. maudie, please, it's nothing personal. you just don't belong at the party. it's--it's only for doctors. maude, arthur's right. his parties are dull, dumb, and stupid. thank you, walter. come on, arthur, it is perfectly obvious. walter and i aren't good enough for you and your friends. that is absolutely untrue. now i demand that you release mrs. naugatuck. it's too late to get anybody else. then may i suggest self-service? which would be very apropos considering the fact that your house is decorated in early "jack in the box." ( bell rings ) maude, please. don't you see it's too late--
between her irresponsible accusations, and then withholding mrs. naugatuck, she's reduced vivian to tears. oh, arthur. i beg your pardon. we're invited to a party at the harmons' and, uh, they aren't at home. d'you know where they are? oh, the harmons? haven't you heard? heard what? they're dead. they're--they're really dead? yes, as far as we're concerned. make her give us mrs. naugatuck. arthur. please. you want us to beg? we'll beg. come on. beg, beg, vivian. beg, vivian. vivian, get down. no! no! no! down, vivian. i wouldn't be able to face myself in the mirror. with that dress you're wearing,
just exactly what is it you want from me? i want you to throw your arms around me and tell me you are sorry that you treated me in such a miserable, rotten, shoddy way, and that you won't be able to sleep nights unless i come to your party. maudie, i think you're acting-- i'm sorry. oh, arthur, shut up! maude, i'm sorry. i treated you in such a... rotten... rotten... miserable... miserable... shoddy... shoddy way. and i won't be able to sleep nights unless you come to my party. ease? maude, please? n-o spells "no." ( weeping ) oh, maude! i had to tell you every single word to say. and quite frankly, i said it all much better. maude, i know, i know i should've invited you to come to my party, but you know, i was just so upset and so nervous and... but you know that i love you,
you feel what? terrible. rotten. ( sobbing ) miserable. oh, vivian, you have no idea how happy that makes me. maude! oh, vivian! won't you please come to my party?! oh, no, vivian! i wouldn't dream of imposing myself on you. you have your party, and god bless you! women. you can say that again. mrs. naugatuck! mrs. naugatuck, it's 7:00! time for the party! thank heavens that's solved. as you know, walter, my guest of honor is a very important person. in fact, he was mentioned today in errol wilson's column in the paper. oh, yeah, why? well, his wife's an actress.
king kong? yeah. she was the one that king kong took up to the top of the empire state building. fay wray? fay wray, arthur? fay wray? fay wray, ar-- maude, fay wray! fay wray! oh, you've heard of her? are you kidding? i'm the only man in the world ong 153 times! ten to one he mentions bruce cabot. bruce cabot. bruce cabot standing there... clutching, clutching fay wray. with her dress in shreds and her long blond hair blowing in the wind... robert armstrong... robert armstrong! with the poor dead kong lying at his feet and saying-- and he actually said this, arthur--
you mean that fay wray is gonna be at your house?! yeah, all the doctors are bringing their wives. how could you have fay wray and not invite us?! oh, walter, what's the difference? who cares? i care! i wanna go to that party and meet fay wray! come on, now, walter, you're acting like a little boy. and i'm a mad little boy! all the years that i've known you, and the one time you have one, we're not invited! where the hell do you think you're going?! back upstairs! walter, come on. arthur is your best friend. that's right. good lord, walter, i no sooner get your hysterical dum-dum wife calmed down, then you start. walter: fay wray...
arthur, you are a stupid condescending quack! i resent your innuendo, maudie. how dare you call arthur a quack! you're not even one of his patients! which is why i'm standing here right now, vivian. i am shocked! i thought you people had more class. class? what do you know about class? you paid for our wedding present with green stamps. vivian, you told! don't talk to me about class, maudie. i'm a wizard of avis. all walter belongs to is a country club, and he had to be told to buy white shoes. oh, yeah? i got personalized license plates! big deal! anybody can get plates that say "wally f." i have "m.d." plates. arthur can park in a bus stop! i know, that's where he picked you up. oh... and to think we considered you our friends.
we're the only people who like you enough to be your enemies. oh, go shave your legs! now, wait a minute, all of you! now, let me tell you something about friendship. vivian, arthur: what? ours is over, and get the hell out of my house! that's just fine with me. i'll be old and gray before i set foot in this house again. like before you had your hair dyed and your face lifted? well, i never-- i know, that's why you had your hair dyed and your face lifted. oh! oh! vivian, we are leaving. and i can assure you it'll be a frosty friday in may before you're invited to our house at a party again. fay kong, or no fay kong. if you think that i would ever come to a party that you gave--ever! if you think i would step one foot in that dump and-- and throw away my pride and my dignity and sink to the depths of being your friends, you are out of your minds!
donny hathaway: ? lady godiva was a freedom rider ? women: ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she didn't care if the whole world looked ? ? joan of arc with the lord to guide her ? ? ooh ooh ooh... ? ? she was a sister who really cooked ? ? ooh ooh... ? ? isadora was the first bra burner ? ? ain't you glad she showed up? ? ? oh, yeah ? ? and when the country was fallin' apart ? ? betsy ross got it all sewed up ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's maude ? ? and then there's ? ? that uncompromisin', enterprisin' ? ? anything but tranquilizin' ? all: ? right on maude! ? carol! carol! carol, carol. i cannot find my eyelashes! where are my eyelashes?
xt to the water glass. good lord. maybe walter drank my eyelashes. mother... carol, i had them last night. they are not there this morning. somebody broke into the house. somewhere in the neighborhood a prowler is walking around with my eyes. will you please calm down? i'll loan you my eyelashes. oh, bless you, carol! not the ones i'm wearing! there's an extra pair on my dresser. thank you, carol. how can i go to the office with naked eyes? arol, i'm sorry if i've been a wee-bit nervous this morning. i promise i'll be all right just as soon as i get rid of my nervous stomach. they're off and running. ? doodle-dah-do doodle-dah-do ? what's the matter with grandma? she's scared. grandma scared? grandma is the first woman her real estate office has ever made branch office manager. she'll be boss over three men.
big deal. i get bossed around by women all the time. ( chuckling ) that's my boy! and so does grandpa. you little twerp. do you wanna fight? three rounds. loser takes on grandma! cut it out, you guys! cut it out! saturday or no saturday, you've got homework to do. woman bosses. ( doorbell rings ) morning! morning, everybody. where's the new boss lady! are we still in time to wish our lady executive luck? plenty of time. she's upstairs slipping into a new stomach. she really wants to succeed in this job. you know how it is. the more you want to succeed at something, the more afraid you are of failure.
we came over to wish you good luck! this is supposed to be a happy occasion. yeah, maude. this isn't like you. walter, arthur, i want the truth from you. do you think those guys down at the office are going to give me a rough time because i'm a woman? absolutely not. sure they will. who asked you? you've got to expect some resentment. after all the three men working under you have families to support. they really need the money. you've got a husband to support you. keep it up, arthur, and you'll need a cane to support you. let me, mother. arthur, we're tired of this old american myth that says women shouldn't make as much as men for doing the same job. here we go, women's lib.
plus what she gets in commissions because that's what the job pays regardless of sex. right on, carol! so even if those men at the office resent you. resent me? yeah, even if they hate her. hate me? they'll probably put pressure on her and make her look like an ass! a complete ass! but she's carrying 3,000 years of oppression... maybe 4,000. maybe 6,000. you and i know only 6 percent of the women make over $10,000 a year. so those men are going to try and take a knife and stab it into her! twist, right. time! oh, boy, oh, boy... you shouldn't let what arthur says upset you. maude? sweetheart, i've never seen you this insecure. don't you realize this is the first time in my life i'm having the opportunity to be something more than just a woman in a man's world. i am an individual with responsibilities. oh, it's scary.
ta da! look, mother. we all chipped in and bought you that. it's for your first day on the new job! to the new office manager! yeah! oh, it is just beautiful-- m-s-m-f... oh! m-s for ms. ms. maude findlay. we had the "f" for findlay done in watercolor in case you get married again. oh, look at me. just look at me? here you all are gathered around, wishing me luck, and how do i react? just like the stereotype hysterical female. i promise you i will not be that way at the office. atta girl! oh, thanks, everybody!
? dah-dah-dah- dah-dah-dah ? ? dah-dah-dah- dah-dah-dah-dah ? there. maude oughta like that. she loves yellow. touching. very touching. come on, woody. so she's a woman. so she's our boss, so what? you want me to be happy about a woman being our boss ? for she's a jolly good female ? ? for she's a jolly good female ? cut it out! yeah. it won't be so bad, woody. we all got along with maude before and we will now. she hands out the assignments and we do our own thing, as always. just as long as she doesn't mess up any of my deals or give us that temperamental stuff 'cause it's the wrong time of the month. you are! you are! what am i?
hi, guys. hi, maude. another day, another dollar, right? good morning, maude. if anybody asks us, we'll just deny it, right? what did i tell ya? wrong day. that's enough, woody! well, now, guys, i'll tell ya. i've been looking over the sales figures from last month, and, quite frankly, i think we can do one heck of a lot better. let's just take a look at them. ah... oh, they're beautiful. oh, they are beautiful-- oh! mm.
you remembered yellow. uh... look, guys, i don't want to sound unappreciative. i mean, they're lovely. you know, if you like flowers. um... guys, what i'm trying to say is, um... if you're new boss had been a man, would you've given him flowers? i would've preferred cigars. great. be my guest. thanks, woody. i'll keep it for later. what i'm trying to say, guys, is that our relationship should have nothing to do with the fact that i'm a woman.
about what i have planned for today. excuse me, i've got to get the radiman file. uh, well, i-- i had a number of houses that i...thought we would... woody, i want to talk to you. look, maude, you do your job, and we'll do ours, and everything's going to be okay, all right? no, woody. woody, i know why you're acting the way you're acting. you think you do? woody! okay, maude, you wanna talk? have a seat. you see, there you go. would you have done that for a man? would you have pulled out a chair for a man? no, i wouldn't. my point exactly. listen to me, woody. i am not a woman, do you understand me? i am a person like you are a person.
i am a person, woody. do you understand? okay. now, i'd like to get to my desk, person, so could you move your boobs out of the way? you can't talk to a lady like that! you gotta apologize, animal! i can handle this! i can handle this! i'll prove it to you. go ahead, go ahead. woody, say something dirty. why don't you take a flying-- no, you-- ( arguing ) i may be small! to hell with you, woody! i can't handle this! tom, please make them stop! make them stop! you're the boss, you stop them. oh, my... come on, woody, please. this is my first day. you can't fight because--
uh-oh. it's her box of memorabilia. it's the shirley temple doll her mother gave her for her fifth birthday. ? on the good ship lollipop ? maude! ? where bon-bons play ? maude! ? on the sunny beach at peppermint bay ? maude! oh, walter, why did my mother force me to play with dolls? why was i forced to wear curls and frilly dresses? why was i brainwashed into thinking women could only be nurses, secretaries, and housewives? how could i possibly be a boss when all my life i've been trained
what on earth happened down there? i hate myself! i hate, hate, hate... don't! you'll ruin your facelift! oh...two of the men started a fight because of me, and i couldn't stop them. then i did absolutely the worst thing i could've done. i behaved like the stereo-type woman. i started to cry. vivian: oh... oh, mother. so you lost control and you cried, so what. some people blow their stack and other people cry. there's nothing to be ashamed of. bosses do not cry! oh, mother! walter: if you were down where i am, with the pressures... hold it! now, you pipe down. pardon, madam. oh, please. mrs. naugatuck when i want your advice... i know. when you want my advice, you'll ask for it. right. i'll ask for it.
trying to act like a he-man. instead of having the confidence to act like a she-woman. mrs. naugatuck, this is-- please, i'm not finished. nothing wrong with being feminine. i mean take mahatma gandhi's daughter-- why she wears flowing silk gowns and yet she became the prime minister of india. and how did she start? washing her father's loincloth. so if you want my advice, madame, the next time you're unsure of yourself as a female,
oh, what's the use? my husband doesn't understand. my daughter doesn't understand. my best friends don't understand. and i have a housekeeper nobody understands! ( sobbing ) walter, you've got to go upstairs and convince her to go back down to the office. it's like when you fall off a horse, you've got to get back on again. okay, i'll try. if i'm not back down in five minutes, "m-s-m-f." m-s for "ms." m-f for "my foot." oh, maude. oh, maude. walter, walter, walter. maude, you shouldn't feel so bad. walter, it was the worst moment of my life!
i--i couldn't cope. sweetheart, you can't blame yourself for this. walter, i let the company down. they were depending on me. oh, walter, i'm so confused. i'm a woman, and i don't want to act like a women. i don't want to act like a man, either. now, now, now. there's nothing wrong with being a woman. sweetheart, you are the epitome of a marvelous, exciting, wonderful woman. i know that, wter. i want to be much more than that. no, you're much more than that. much, much, much more. oh, walter. walter, help me. help me. help me find myself. maude, you are beautiful. i know that, too. tell me i'm intelligent. tell me i'm capable!
competent... do you really mean that? you have to have more faith in your own ability. you've got to realize you can function as a woman in that place just like you function so sensationally as a woman everywhere else. it's true that when i first started working as a sales person, i did compete. just be yourself. i was the company choice to be office manager, and if i can accomplish all that as a woman, then why should i be ashamed of acting like a woman. you shouldn't be ashamed. never, never, never be ashamed. oh, walter, if i only had the courage to go back.
and you will go back. right after lunch. oh, walter, it's special moments like this when i--when i realize how much i need you. and vice versa, maude, vice versa. oh, walter... walter, you're giving me the lift i need. i'm doing the best i can. oh, walter, thanks to you, i think i can do it. i know i can do it. i will do it. and i promise i'll never ever let sex stand in the way again.
those men were wrong, walter. society is wrong. and it's up to real women to change that. maude, where are you going? back to where i belong. back to that office! but, maude, i thought you and i... walter, it's t o'clock in the morning! and one for you... thank you. and for you... maude. and one for you. and, mother, pin a rose on me. and from now on, no more fights, no more tears. you have your assignments, gentlemen, get to work. oh. you're going to make your own coffee. maude, i... that's a terrific case. what does the "m-s" stand for, "master sergeant"?
she was a piano tuner who became the very first woman president of the united states. i believe it was in 1945. i remember voting for her, because when she first arrived at my house... truce...truce. woody, about this morning. i'm sorry. i was pressing. no hard feelings. i was a little upset myself, you understand. a guy gets passed over for a 9,000-- a 9,000 a year job, he gets a little steamed... ( sobbing ) you know what i mean? of course i do. woody, yes, i do. i didn't want you to see me this way. come on, woody. woody, don't be embarrassed. if it had happened... did you say 9,000? yeah. i'm only getting 7,000. naturally. you're a woman. i'm a woman... company figures a dame doesn't need as much as a man.
inflation, and all of that. you're different. you got a guy to support you. listen, you two, you have exactly ten minutes to get him shaped up and back to work. and that goes for both of you also. ( dialing ) if i'm going to do a $9,000 a year job for 7,000, i am going to take the longest coffee break in history. walter, where are you? are you still upstairs? good. you stay there.