tv CBS This Morning CBS November 18, 2016 7:00am-9:00am EST
[ squawking weakly ] ha ha ha ha! ooh! watch it. careful. i bet i know what you're thinking. there must be an easier way. well, there is, but it might shake you up a bit. what? here we go. all set, johnny. i sure appreciate this, mrs. stephens. if it weren't for you, i'd have no other way to get down to the track and practice. i'm more than happy to help, johnny, but i still don't see the point of practicing for a race you don't think you'll be able to enter. i guess it's just my nutty way of hoping against hope. [ whistle blows ] all right. stand back. oh, hi, mrs. kravitz. what are you doing here?
the fastest soapbox-derby racer in the future history of soapbox-derby racing. really? that's wonderful. he's staying with us until he wins the local races, and then, naturally, he's going on to win at akron. naturally. what are you doing here? oh, i came with my friend, johnny mills. well, uh, if you don't mind, mrs. stephens, i, uh, wish you wouldn't look at flash. let's just say i'm superstitious, which, incidentally, i never was until i met you. beat it, kid. i'm class "a," and this is a time trial. i'm racing against the clock. well, it won't hurt anything if i race with you. in that pile of junk? don't make me laugh. the gray goose may not be painted as fancy as yours, but i'll bet i'll beat you to the finish line. not if you had jet engines.
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but i didn't find out much. all i know is there's just the boy and his father. he's the garage man. you know mills auto service? well, for some reason, johnny doesn't want his father to know about the racer. that doesn't make any sense. who'd be more interested in his own kid's racing car than a garage mechanic? you figure it out. i don't want to figure it out. i don't want to get involved, and i don't want you involved, either. i'm not involved. sam, you're helping a 12-year-old boy deceive his father. darrin, did you tell your father everything when you were 12? we're not talking about me, and it's been a long time since i was 12. want to lick the spoon? it's chocolate. oh, yeah. i love your chocolate. sam, that's not fair. [ laughs ] well, neither is sitting in judgment on a boy when you don't know the whole story. say, have i heard the whole story? you didn't interfere when the boys were racing, did you? i-i told you, they were only practicing.
well, if you could call straightening a wobbly wheel interfering -- i could. [ doorbell rings ] that must be johnny. he said he'd be back. sweetheart, would you answer the door? we'll continue this discussion later. not if i can help it. mr. stephens? you must be johnny. yes, sir. i came to work on my racer. i've got a wheel problem. so i've heard. i'd like to talk to you. sam! we have a guest. hi, johnny. hi, mrs. stephens. thanks a lot for keeping my car in your garage. i was happy to do it. look what i just made. you think a piece would spoil your dinner? i could risk it. johnny, why don't you want your father to know about the racer? well, dad doesn't know i built the racer. tommy summers let me build it in his garage,
that's why i had to ask you. why keep the racer a secret? your dad's a mechanic. he could have helped you. unh-unh. the soapbox-derby rule says you got to build it all by yourself. and, anyway, you don't know my dad. he'd have thrown a fit. why? well, because... look, my dad's a great guy -- about the greatest there is -- but he's got this thing about me becoming a doctor. what's building a racer got to do with becoming a doctor? with my dad, just about everything has got something to do with becoming a doctor. you want to be a doctor? sure, i-i guess so... if it'll make dad happy. mrs. stephens, i got to go. thanks for the cake, and thanks again for keeping my car. uh, johnny, wait a minute. what are you going to -- good luck, johnny.
thanks. mrs. stephens? i got one other problem. okay. you see, they won't let me race in the derby unless my parent or guardian signs the application. well, johnny, we can't sign it for you. oh, i know that. that would be illegal. anyway, i was going to ask my dad to sign it after i got the racer all built. well, the race is on saturday, and i'm kind of scared to ask him. would you? i'll bet he'd have a tough time saying no to you. speaking from experience -- yeah, i'd be willing to give it a try. mr. mills, don't you understand? if you don't sign this, johnny won't be able to race. that lousy bolt's frozen.
i've got a very good chance of getting the riot act from the guy that owns this car. mr. mills, haven't you got just five minutes to stand up and talk to me? look, mrs. stephens, you're a very nice lady and a very good customer, and i appreciate your business, but my son is my son. all right? yes, i know. the only reason i am asking is because your son is afraid to ask. how about people? they see a kid without a mother, and right away they figure they got a right to stick their nose in. i told you, i got to get finished with this car. is that more important than johnny? look, do you think i like working 14 hours a day, seven days a week? you got any idea how much it costs to send a kid through college and then medical school? yes. yes, i know it's very expensive, but did you realize that the soapbox-derby finalists win college scholarships?
now, if i figured like that, i'd take all the profits from this garage, and i'd try to win his tuition in a crap game. you get about the same odds. mr. mills, johnny's racer is already built. now, he'd only have to take one afternoon off from his studies. surely he can spare that. [ sighs ] ah, this thing won't budge. [ tinkles ] [ ding! ] it come loose. mr. mills, please? huh? please? all right, all right. now, you will give him a little encouragement? he thinks a lot of you. yeah, that's his trouble. he thinks too much of a $150-a-week grease monkey. will you come watch him race on saturday? [ scoffs ] boy, give 'em an inch. lady, on saturdays, i'm up to my ears in work.
[ march plays, indistinct conversation ] mission accomplished. johnny, you got time to put these on? hey! brand-new regulation wheels! now i can pass inspection. , mr. stephens. it's okay, johnny. you too, mrs. stephens. glad to do it. you better hurry up. you haven't got much time before the first race. [ laughs ] look who didn't want to get involved. come here. hmm? come on! there are kids around here. yeah. too bad, huh? you better get those wheels on, johnny. we'll be rooting for you. thanks. thanks a lot. mrs. stephens... you will watch for my dad, won't you?
man: ...are jim kleinman, johnny mills, don bellow. [ crowd cheering ] ooh, come on, johnny. come on, johnny. come on! faster! ooh! come on, johnny! faster! come on, johnny! [ crowd cheering ] ooh! the winner in class "b," johnny mills. he won! i make it 28.7 seconds. that's pretty good! i knew he could do it! i knew he could do it! attaboy, johnny!
and the winner in class "a," leroy kravitz. uh-oh. uh-oh. it looks like he and johnny will be racing each other. aah! the finals! abner! oh, flash is gonna be in the finals! [ laughs ] in that case, i'll have another hot dog. the bases are loaded again! ladies and gentlemen, of the local soapbox derby are johnny mills and leroy kravitz. remember to let him do it on his own. no funny help. why, darrin, do you think i'd stoop to -- no, but you might get excited and lose control. ooh! come on, johnny!
come on, johnny. come on. oh, he may make it! oh! mmm. go, johnny! go on! faster! faster! aah! he won! he won! hi, johnny. oh, he won. he won. the winner and this year's champion is johnny mills. see, i told you they were doing something funny. okay, so why don't you do something funny, like mind your own business for a change? this is my business,
congratulations, johnny. now i can say that i know a local soapbox-derby champion. congratulations, champ. say, you gave us a bad moment in that last heat. man: attention, ladies and gentlemen. there will be a delay before the presentation of the trophy. will johnny mills and his parents please report to the soapbox-derby headquarters immediately? i wonder what that's all about. hello, johnny. i'm mr. martin of the derby rules committee. are you mr. and mrs. mills? no, we're just friends. is anything the matter? well, we've had a rather strange complaint from a mrs. gladys kravitz. do you know her? well, she's -- i don't like to say this -- weird. she is, isn't she? and most difficult to cope with. she has insisted that johnny here
to clear this thing up before we can declare him the winner. i built the car all by myself. honest! i'm sure you did, son, and i'm sure you can prove it. now, where are your parents? your father did sign the entry application? yes, sir. what's the nature of the charges? they, like mrs. kravitz, are also weird, but we're gonna have a little informal hearing as soon as we can round up all the judges. now, where is your father, johnny? well, mr. mills was delayed. he got sick. he really wanted to come, but he got sick. well, he should be here to help answer the charges. darrin, why don't you go along with mr. martin and johnny? i'll phone mr. mills and see if he's feeling better. don't you worry. come along with me. come on, johnny. mrs. kravitz, can you be a little more specific?
well, you saw the way he was behind in the last heat, and then he caught up... like magic. and i don't use the word loosely. how about not using the word at all? well, the same peculiar thing happened when he was racing with my flash, and they were just practicing. [ sighs ] what's so peculiar about that? drivers often come from behind. both times, samantha stephens was there. uh, that's my wife. she's sort of been coaching johnny. [ gladys laughs ] she's been doing more than just coaching. and she's always doing something more than she should be doing when she should be doing something. the things i could tell you! the things i could tell you.
no, sir. dad! it's okay, kid. what did they say you did? mr. mills, won't you sit down? we're just trying to make sure that johnny built his racer himself. if he says he did, he did. look, i'm a mechanic. if he didn't ask me for help, why would he ask anybody else? now, please, everybody sit down. johnny, can you tell us how you constructed the, uh, brake assembly? yes, sir. i used the tools at school -- in woodshop. i built the car in my friend tommy's garage. we had a bunch of old tires around the house, so i used a piece of them for the braking surface. i attached the rod to the front-end plate with an eyebolt. then for the rear housing,
getting the regulation 3-inch ground clearance, but after i switched the hinge, it was okay. where did you learn all that stuff? from you, pop. you're the best mechanic in town. can i say something? certainly, mr. mills. my kid never lied about anything in his life... except maybe today, when he said that i was sick. i wasn't sick. i was stupid. well, that's all i wanted to say, but if you want to make out that my kid didn't win 'cause he got help from somebody, you better be able to prove it pretty good. thank you, mr. mills. congratulations, johnny.
w. and we also want you to know that we're very proud to have you represent our city in the finals at akron. come on, abner. we don't have to listen to this. we're leaving. are you going with him to akron? why should she go with him? i'm the kid's old man, ain't i? look, lady, how about taking over the station while me and the kid are out of town? orking... and working out. no, thank you, mr. mills. i'm retiring...
man: ...the stands of derby downs... oh, darling, isn't it wonderful about johnny? it's fantastic. there were over 250 local champions competing. well, he won the scholarship. that's the important thing. no more problems about college. his father won't have to worry about that now. there he is. this year's winner was johnny mills. as the crowd cheered the new champion, johnny was paraded down the track on which, only minutes before, in the championship heat. johnny qualified for the all-american derby by beating all other entrants in the local trials of his community. at the finish line, johnny was joined by his father, who shared in the excitement. if anybody ever made a boy's dreams come true... well, thank you, darling.
man: ladies and gentlemen, -- capt this photograph of the moon's surface was taken two months ago by a camera aboard an unmanned space capsule. today, space technicians at the cape are hopeful that this view of the moon and even closer ones will be seen for the first time by human eyes. [ vacuum cleaner whirring ] sam, not now! i'm watching the moon probe. what? the moon probe. i'm watching the moon probe. you turn the vacuum on, the set goes flooey. i can't see! [ whirring stops ] i can't see. can't you do that later? sweetheart, i've been waiting for weeks to give the house a thorough cleaning. these rugs are filthy! how can you worry about the dirt on the rugs when we're about to see the surface of the moon? the moon could use a vacuuming, too. all that dust. ick! we have now received word from the cape that the orbit and attitude of the space capsule are perfect.
larry, i'd like to ask you something. is it more important than jack nicklaus getting an eagle on a 550-yard five-par? what do you think about the moon? i think it's very nice. easy, now. stroke it easy. you've got a downhill lie. i mean about getting there. you really want to know what i think? okay, i'll tell you what i think. i think that the moon is very important, but i wish they'd stop spending my money to get there. larry, it's for the advancement of science --
look, don't get me wrong. if they could just say "alakazam," snap their fingers, and get there, i'd be all for it. well, that's close. what? uh, nothing. i say forget it. larry, um, i know this is going to sound ridiculous. but just suppose someone knew of a way of getting to the moon without spending all that money. what do you think he should do about it? he should go to the authorities and tell them what he knows. i think it would be his patriotic duty. s afraid you'd say. but before he does it, i'll tell you what i think he should do. i think he should go home, take a good, stiff drink, a couple of aspirin, and try to get some sleep. well, larry, it was just a hypothetical question. [ chuckles ] [ ding ] really, samantha. it's getting harder and harder to tell the difference between you and an ordinary household drudge. well, i'm sorry, mother, but as long as you insist upon popping in unannounced,
i brought you up as a proper witch, taught you the best incantations, and here you are, married to a mortal, doing the most menial tasks. a fallen woman. all right, mother. out with it. what's on your mind? i want you to come shopping with me. ah, so that's what all this is about -- to get me to come shopping with you. well, if i'd simply invited you, samantha, you would have refused. i can't leave tabitha. i've already installed hagatha upstairs to babysit. mother, i have to clean the house. good. now, let's compromise. i'll let you clean the house as a drudge, but only after you come shopping with me. well, all right. but we mustn't be gone more than two hours. now, promise. marvelous. we'd better change, dear.
where are we going? it's sunday. all the stores are closed. not where i'm taking you. follow me. [ ding ] [ ding ] nice of you to pop in, ladies. oh, mother. you didn't tell me we were going to tokyo. i'll never trust you again. darling, you said yourself the shops were all closed back home. here it isn't sunday. we've just crossed the international date line. [ speaking japanese ] [ speaking japanese ] i am so happy to see you again. this is my daughter samantha. how do you do? [ speaking japanese ] i am honored to make your acquaintance, samanthasan.
of course. just a moment, please. i keep in back for my special customers. [ laughs ] he's a warlock? tokyo chapter. and his tea is absolutely out of this world. after this, we'll go to a marvelous restaurant. [ gasps ] they make the most divine squid mousse. [ ding ] well, there's nothing like a little trip to japan to break up the morning. now, just let us relax and have a cup of this marvelous warlock tea. mother, dear, you are incorrigible. now, we've been gone all day. now you want me to sit down and have tea. i have to get the house clean. what am i gonna tell darrin? then don't. do you have to give a schedule of where you've been every day, minute by minute? well, of course not. it's a, um...
get done. you're welcome to stay. [ ding ] and watch you do battle with grease and grime? [ chuckles ] no, thank you. well, ta-ta, darling. enjoy your tea. [ chuckles ] [ ding ] sam, i'm home. [ vacuum cleaner whirring ] i'll be right there. are you still vacuuming -- sam? [ ding ] [ tinkles ] [ ding ] [ whirring stops ] sam! i thought we agreed that housework was to be done in the usual manner.
t have left detailed instructions. what happened to you? i've been upstairs cleaning the attic. it's very dirty up there, see? did you clean the attic the same way you were vacuuming the rug? oh, darrin, really. i just wanted us to have some time together, and i thought i wouldn't be finished in time, so i -- a little, uh -- [ whistles ] y-yes. just a little. by the way, where have you been? i called you from larry's. why are you questioning me like this? t to know what you did while i was gone. minute by minute? any way you like. well, let's see. first, i cleaned the left side of the refrigerator. then i cleaned the right side. sam! you're deliberately not answering my question. i do not like being cross-examined by my husband. w-w-what is that? what's what? that. that. oh, this? that's -- yeah.
um, darrin, mother came over. and, uh, we went out to lunch at a nice, little japanese tearoom. and that's the last question i'm going to answer until you apologize. sam, please. one more question? where did you go? you want to know where i went? yes. all right, i'll tell you. to the moon! and one of these days --
would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. for $89.99 a month you'll get free hd channels,
looks like dust. it looks like dust. i want you to find out what that really is. you mean you might be allergic? oh, that's right, mr. grand. i'm afraid i'm allergic. and this, by you, is of national importance? mr. grand, just find out what it is. and this one. that's supposed to be tea. you're a good customer, mr. stephens. i'll see what i can do, but i don't promise i can do anything this afternoon. my wife's brother is coming from out of town, and, to my wife, he's of national importance. so i'm closing the store an hour earlier. as soon as you can. i'll be by first thing in the morning. and thank you, mr. grand.
"every minute of the day, "tabitha and i have gone to the market "to pick up a few things for dinner. "any further questions will have to wait until we get home. sam." terrible. terrible. i feel like a stool pigeon, an informer. spying on my own wife. oh. what happens if that stuff actually turns out to be from the moon? what do i do then? report it to nasa? man: mr. stephens, you know we don't waste time here at nasa. we're in a race to the moon with the russians,
look, i can't give -- i can't give you these unless you promise not to ask me where i got them. what is this, stephens, conditions, when the prestige of our country is involved? i cannot reveal my sources. unless you agree, no deal. now, mr. stephens, what's in the envelopes? [ chuckles ] well, it looks like house dust and tea, but i -- tea, huh? we'll find out about that. run them through the lab, frank. right, ed. all right, stephens. that's it. where did you get it? i can't tell you. cut the jazz, stephens. you're in serious trouble. listen, i'm just a simple neighborhood druggist who has to stay open sunday afternoons. never mind about that. what about him? oh, such a nice man. lovely wife. an adorable daughter. funny name, though. who could know that he was a spy?
is? nothing. i-i swear she knows nothing about it. all right, stephens, who is this woman? i never saw her before in my life. next. [ ding ] how about this one? her i've seen. oh, darrin, how could you? what's going to become of tabitha? sam, i'm sorry. i tried to protect you, but they wormed it out of me! we were only gone for a little while. mother wanted to get some tea. [ ding ] you see? you wouldn't listen to me. that's what comes of marrying a mortal. always wanting to know what you're going to do every minute of the day. well, you're right, mother. you're absolutely right. i must admit it. he was suspicious. he did ask questions. no. no! yes, yes! ed: all right, mrs. stephens, it's time. frank: come along, mrs. stephens. it's time. oh, no, no. not yet, please. just one more minute. ed: nasa can't wait, mrs. stephens. we're in a race. it's time! leave her alone! it's my fault!
oh, darrin, darrin, darrin. darrin? it's all my fault. no, no! darrin, wake up. darrin. oh! oh, sam. sam! you're -- you're here! they didn't take you! who? the nasa man. nasa man? that's a new one. is it anything like bogeyman? oh, relax, sweetheart. you just had a bad dream. oh. well, yeah. w-where's tabitha? she's upstairs asleep. what were you dreaming about? well, the nasa men. the space agency. they were giving me the third degree about where did i get the moon dust. moon dust? yeah. and your mother was there and larry tate was there and grand and -- grand! what's grand? max grand. the druggist. i gave him the dust and the tea to be analyzed. sam, why did you have to go to the moon, especially after we just talked about it? darrin, are you sure you're awake? come on, sam. i know all about it.
went to the moon. oh, for heaven's sake! and when i came back -- when i came back from larry's, and i said, "samantha, where have you been?" did you not say, and i quote, "to the moon"? darrin, if i told you i'd been to the north star, would you believe me? i was only kidding. sam, when any other woman says, "i've been to the moon," you figure that's just a figure of speech. but when you say, "i've been to the moon," that's something else altogether. when i saw that dust, i knew you'd been to the moon. darrin. and she insisted i go shopping with her. shop. [ chuckles ] sam. it's sunday. all the stores are closed. not in japan. in japan, it's monday. and that's where we went, and that's all there is to it. japan? are you asking me to believe that? you believe i went to the moon, and you don't believe i went to japan? you said you went to the moon. only because i was annoyed at you for asking questions.
not recently, no. sam! i swear and affirm that i have not left the earth today. oh, darling! that's marvelous. [ chuckles ] oh. i don't even feel so bad about being such a fool with mr. grand. imagine, giving him ordinary house dust to analyze. ooh, i bet he thinks you're spooky. yeah. ordinary house dust and ordinary japanese tea. [ laughs ] um, darrin. darrin, it isn't ordinary japanese tea. hmm. what, um -- what is it? it's -- it's warlock tea. it's warlock tea. it's warlock tea! oh, sam! mr. grand is gonna analyze it, and he's going to think -- i don't know what he's gonna think. well, i don't think there's anything to worry about.
and that'll be the end of that. yeah, yeah. i hope you're right. [ telephone ringing ] i don't think you're right. hello? mr. stephens, about that matter of national importance -- the stuff that looks like house dust, it is house dust. well, thank you for your trouble, mr. grand. but that other stuff -- the stuff that looks like tea. that was a mistake. that is tea. ah. that's where you're wrong. i put it through every test i've got. and there's something in it that is definitely not tea. i even showed it to my brother-in-law, the one from nassau. nasa? your brother-in-law's from nasa? yeah. he's visiting us for the weekend with the kids. uh, mr. grand, don't do another thing. just forget about it. you've gone to enough trouble. oh, no trouble at all. look, we've got to pass your place on the way home. we'll drop it off. see you in a few minutes. [ doorbell rings ] sam, i wish you'd go upstairs and let me handle this.
they are. mr. grand, i want to apologize for causing you so much trouble, especially since it was all an accident. my mother's always been very fond of home remedies. you know how old-fashioned some mothers can be. when she discovered that darrin was allergic to dust, she decided she just had to give him one of her favorite home remedies. she said it was some special kind of tea. but darrin's always been suspicious of home remedies. that's why he gave it to you to analyze. well, it turns out that it's not tea at all. no, no. i talked to mother, and she admitted that it was a special blend of herbs and spices that she got from a japanese herbalist. now, i know that they do come up with some strange concoctions. harry: lady. yes? this stuff is more than strange. [ tinkles ] [ ding ] [ wind blowing ] hey, what happened? there's no wind tonight. oh, it does come up suddenly sometimes, doesn't it? oh, what a shame. that was the last of it, too.
my brother-in-law harry kahn from nassau. hello. how do you do? you don't have any more of this? oh, i'm sorry. i'm afraid you'll just have to go back and tell them at the space agency. what space agency? i own a string of cut-rate drug stores. y-you mean you're not from nasa? sure. nassau county, long island. what's the matter with him? oh, it must be his allergy. night air. very bad, you know. mr. kahn, it was nice meeting you. good night. yes, nice meeting -- [ whistles ] darrin, are you all right? oh, yeah, yeah. oh, come on. i'll fix you a nice cup of tea. uh, no! no tea. but how about a moonlight cocktail?
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darrin? come look at the lady in the moon. what moon? besides, it's a man in the moon. how do you know it's a man? everybody knows it's a man. just look at it. could be a lady. you know, i've been meaning to ask you something. you said that, um, you hadn't been to the moon today, but you didn't say that you'd never been to the moon. hmm? well, have you? have i what? been to the moon...ever. darrin... you don't want to know everything about me, do you? i mean, there are some things a wife should not tell a husband.
is one of them. -- captions by vitac -- [???] good morning, major healey. hi, jeannie. uh, where's tony? he asked me to pick him up. oh, he overslept. would you like a cup of coffee while you're waiting? no, i'm in a hurry. i-- why? well, friday is general peterson's 10th anniversary as a general, and, uh, well, dr. bellows wants to put on this show. and i have to find somebody to take charge of the entertainment committee. oh, major nelson is very good at being in charge of things. ow somebody that's in show business. you gotta have somebody that has a big act. he doesn't know anybody in show business at all. i will help him. well, you co-- no. oh, no. oh, no. he doesn't like you helping him. don't do it. how would it look if some other master's genie was in charge? yeah, i see what you mean. no! no, no. oh, no. oh, no. he would enjoy himself. forget-- not me. no. he may not think so, but he would enjoy himself a great-- that's out. major healey, if major nelson is not put in charge, i can promise you that on the night
ne. [???] the night of the party? and a tidal wave. general peterson's party? and a typhoon. and we'll all be sitting around having cocktails? hm. well, i guess that's it. ha-ha-ha. i guess we found the new head of our committee. [laughs] oh. and, shh, not a word to major nelson. yeah, not a word. shh. guess i'll be-- oh, hi, roge. i'm sorry. i overslept. do you know something? huh, what? you should've stayed in bed.
i would never have thought of major nelson for this. ah, well, frankly, neither did i, sir. it just came to me out of the blue. do you think he can get a top entertainer for friday evening? well, if he can't, he knows someone who can. uh, he's really quite anxious to head the committee, though. oh, strange. he never said a word to me about it. well, you know how modest tony is. but he'll come up with someone great. ah, major nelson. yes. i just want to express my appreciation. your appreciation, sir? for volunteering to take charge of general peterson's party. i haven't had a chance to tell you that-- for volunteering to take--? . oh, major healey told you that, did he? thanks. we were considering using some of the amateur talent around here, but with all the people in show business you know, that won't be necessary, will it? people in show business i-- i told you he's modest. ha-ha-ha. i don't know one single person in the entertainment-- that's right. most of them are married. well, it's in your hands now, major nelson. this is one of the most important evenings in general peterson's life. oh, and, uh,
don't let me down. [???] yes, sir. [???] why? well, if you're not the head of the entertainment committee during general peterson's party, there's going to be a hurricane, a tidal wave and a typhoon. jeannie. jeannie did that? not so loud. shh. don't get her mad, now. wh-why would she make you do that? why? how would it look if some other genie's master got the job? i mean, all you have to do is get a great entertainer. nybody in the entertainment field. i just told-- yeah, but jeannie does. yeah, i'm sure she does. i can just see her now. uh, uh, shakespeare will come out and introduce sarah bernhardt, and then ben hur will do a little chariot race. yeah, yeah. wait a minute. then after ben hur, maybe some gladiators. why did you do this to me? well, i-- i thought you might like to do something nice for general peterson. oh, i would. i would. but i don't know anything about entertainment.
they are the most-- no, no, no, no, no, no, no. i would like to help you-- believe me, you've done enough. really. well, what will you do? i'll go to miami. you're going to run away? no. i'm gonna go to miami because a lot of big stars work down in miami in hotels and nightclubs. maybe i can persuade one of them to come up to the space center. oh, you are brilliant, master. [whistles] here we are. do you see anyone you know? no. but i see somebody i'd like to have. who would never do it? one of the greatest entertainers in the world. sammy davis jr. oh. is he better than ben hur?
it is so early. oh, e-early? oh, no, it's 10:00. ten o'clock? yeah. why, i thought it was only 8:00. my hourglass must be slow. mm-hm. [laughing] yeah, probably. well, i've had a pretty hard day. i'm-- i'm gonna get to bed. you better get to bed too. good night. [yawns] good night, master. good night. [???] hello. good night, master. [yawns] [???]
ah, there it goes. now, guys, if we can take it one more time, i got the tape recorder-- sam. we've been rehearsing for three hours. i know you're the boss, but you're gonna kill yourself. george, if i gotta go, will you let it be in the key of g. okay? let's sing. sammy, he's right. if you don't rest, you're gonna have a nervous breakdown. "nervous breakdown." that's all i ever hear from you. do me a favor and take care of the money. let me take care of the arrangements. come on, once again, huh, george? nice and light, now. [doorbell rings] [scatting] [playing soft jazz music] yeah. can i help you? eak to mr. davis, please. sure. one moment. ? the girl from ipanema goes walking ? ? and when she passes each time she passes ? ? i go-- ? now, oh, oh, oh. can i help you? it's not happening. oh, yes, i'd like to speak to mr. davis. no, i'm sorry. he's rehearsing. perhaps i could help you. i'm his manager. oh, yes, certainly, um-- well, i'd like to speak to him about the possibility of doing a performance at, uh, cape kennedy. general peterson is celebrating his 10th year as a general. oh, sammy loves to do benefits.
it more or less falls under the heading of "saving my life." what night is it? oh, it's, uh, friday night. uh, friday night. i could send a car down for him. oh, i'm afraid sammy couldn't get away. he does two shows a night here. oh, well. then maybe i could send a jet. mister. mister-- well, unless you could postpone it. uh, until when? well, let's see. sammy's first free day is, uh, may 15th. may 15th? a year from may 15th. he's booked solid. oh, i see. sammy: oh, oh, oh. well, thank you. i'm sorry. yeah. well, who shall i tell him called? oh, uh, the late major anthony nelson. [laughs] sammy: one time. here we go. one, two, three, four. [band playing soft jazz music] ? tall and tan and young and lovely ? ? the girl from ipanema goes walking ? ? and when she passes each time she passes ?
it's like the samba ? ? that sways so cool and swings so gentle ? ? that when she passes each time she passes ? ? i go, "ahhh" ? ? but i watch her so gladly ? ? h-h-h-how can i tell her i love her? ? ? gee, i would give my heart gladly ? ? but each day when she walks to the sea ? ? she looks straight ahead not at me ? and young and lovely ? ? the girl from ipanema goes walking ? ? and when she passes i smile but she doesn't see ? ? she ain't looking at me ? [scatting] ? she ain't looking at me ? [scats] ? she ain't looking at me ? ? it's not me that she will ever see ? ? ah ? well, it ain't the monkees, but it'll have to do. hey, john and michael, why don't you go get some coffee in the kitchen. i know it took a long time, but you see?
okay, sam. oh, look, sam. yeah? you will try to get a little sleep before the show tonight? sure, i'll take a nap. don't worry about it. and you go in the kitchen and eat, 'cause you need it. hey, guess who was just here to see you. sapphire and her mama. you're close. oh. major anthony nelson. the astronaut? mm-hm. well, where is he? oh, he-- he left. i told him you were rehearsing. oh, come on, jim. you're puttin' me on, man. if that cat's not too busy to go to the moon for me, well-- now, find him for me, will you? [sighs] thank you, jim. it was your goof. [???] look at you. just look at you. you should be ashamed of yourself. your master is exhausted. and do you know why he is exhausted? because he is worried. and why is he worried?
would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! oh, ah... nooo. what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. st internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. for $89.99 a month you'll get free hd channels, 100 meg internet and unlimited calling to half the world. we can call aunt rose as much as we want now. switching is easy. get our exclusive 1-hour arrival window, a money-back guarantee with no contract to sign. plus get free installation, tv equiment and epix included. really? honest...no.
[gasps] he tricked me. oh. i am terribly sorry, but my master is gone. hah, well, don't you worry about that, ma'am. i-- i'm a little gone myself. well, it was-- it was nice meeting you. i'm having a nervous-- --breakdown. jim, george, piano. i'm back. back where? you know something? you're right. i've been working much too hard. you know the copa date? break it. break it? listen to me. when i start to see harem girls and disappearing masters, then it's time for me to take a rest. now, you find me a sanitarium in the country somewhere where it's nothing but trees around, right? dig? do that! sammy, you're booked.
okay. dr. mallard ought to be able to tell us where to go. yeah, i guess so. how long do you wanna stay? oh, i don't know. three months. three months? all right, make it a month. you couldn't sit still for a month. you know something, you're right. you should make it a week. a week. jim. jim, hold on. now, let's not get carried away, see? let's not put it too far out in the country. maybe we could find a little place that has a combo and a little dance floor, huh? sanitarium with a combo and a dance floor? where the chicks are doing the monkey and the boogaloo. ? boo-boo-ga-la-loo ? hey, go-go girls? dance hall? that sounds like the copa to me, fellas. hey, you know somethin'? george is right. he's absolutely right. hang up the phone. we'll keep the copa date. [scoffs] can you imagine a man--? [chuckles] it is rather amusing, believe me. i saw a harem girl, disappearing master.
[magic boings] ah! all right, i'm sorry. i'm sorry, jeannie. why did you sneak away, master? well, i, uh... i had some personal business to take care of. through the window? yeah, well-- well, while you were gone, do you know who was here? i had to meet a man-- [in unison] sammy davis jr. well, how did you know? well, i-i-i just told you. he-- he was here. oh, no, he couldn't have been here. i just left him in miami. you--? you didn't bring him here? now, tell me you didn' please, say you didn't bring him here. well, how did i know you were going to sneak out the window? would you like me to blink him back, master? no, no. it wouldn't do any good anyway. he has two performances a night. what will you do, master? well, i'll just have to get somebody else. he's not the only entertainer in the world, you know. well, he may not be the only entertainer in the world, but he's certainly the greatest. yeah, roger, it's-- it's not the entertainment that's the important thing. it's the-- the spirit of the occasion that counts. [door opens]
sir. general. dr. bellows told me what you're doing, and i just want you to know how much i appreciate it. oh, it's my pleasure, sir. well, this has got to be a great show. uh, yes, roger and i were just talking about the entertainment, weren't we? well, it's not the entertainment that's important, tony. it's the spirit of the occasion that counts. yes. well, to think that the men would care enough to do a thing like this. well, that's the most important thing, sir. ha-ha. you couldn't have done anything that would make me happier. i first saw him the same day i got my first star. eh, saw who, sir? sammy davis jr. that's a day i'll never forget. we went to see his show that night. and when dr. bellows told me that you'd arranged to have him sing a number for me friday night, it really brought a lump to my throat. ahem. i'm a little choked up myself, sir. i'll never forget this, tony. i can hardly wait till friday night. [???] this could break general peterson's heart.
hings. uh, yeah, yeah. i know. why do we not talk to mr. sammy d. ah, beca-- i told you, jeannie. he does two shows a night. he's a very busy man. when he's up on stage-- and i didn't even--i-- i me-- [laughing] , ye . it's happening again. you're major nelson? [laughing] yeah, that's right. don't worry about it, major. we're both cracking up at the same time. we're sharing the same nervous breakdown. oh, no, you are not having a nervous breakdown. i will tell you-- i'll tell him. i'll tell him. please, sit. yes. ahem. now, mr. davis, uh, this is not gonna be easy. ah, i-- i'll tell you what. let me help you. it's a-- it's a time machine, right? no, no. it's not a time machine. no, it's-- ah, you both are putting me on? i'm not putting you on. i-- eh, well, i tell you-- i tell you what, major. suppose you don't even mention it to me. don't tell me what it is because it would only make me, see,
i don't have to tell you how top-secret this is. oh. my lips are sealed. good. [laughs] who is she? oh, i'm his-- my assistant. nothing's too good for our boys in the service. [chuckles] ohatg's too good for our boys have him here,ervice. why don't you tell him about the party. about the what? the party. oh, yes, yes. uh, ah, general peterson is having a little celebration friday. uh-huh. he's a very big fan of yours, mr. davis. oh, well, thank you very much. maybe give a little performance for us. maybe a little number? ohoke jim about that, and we tried trk but unfortunately, oho it can't be done. well, i figured it out. we could have a jet pick you up and-- major, i would love to. i really mean i'd love to be there, but unfortunately-- well, let me put it this way. if i could, i would. would you really? yes, of course. i think i can arrange it. now-- now, wait a minute. don't get involved.
what are you doing here? my lips are sealed. sounds great. [???] hey, you are a wonderful audience. you're definitely an 83. thank you. you're really great. thank you so much. and now, ladies and gentlemen, the management takes great pleasure and definite pride-- --to introduce to you all here acape kennedy america's greatest entertainers-- --mr. sammy davis jr.! yeah! [indistinct dialogue] thank you. thank you very, very much. uh, general, major, ladies and gentlemen, may i simply say what a tremendous thrill it is to have the privilege of at least trying to entertain you this evening. thank you very, very much. sammy: fellas.
[playing upbeat jazz] ? that old black magic has me in its spell ? ? that old black magic that you weave so well ? ? those icy fingers ? ? up and down my spine ? ? same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine ? ? same old tingle that i feel inside ? ? then that elevator starts its ride ? ? down and down and down i go ? ? round and round and cha-cha-cha ? ? like a leaf that's caught ? in the tide ? ? i should stay away what can i do? ? ? i hear your name and i'm aflame ? ? aflame with such a burning desire ? ? that only your kiss ? ? can put out the fire ? ? you're the lover you're the lover ? ? you're the lover i have waited for ? ? you're the girl you're the one ? ? you're the chick that i was created for ? ? and every time your lips meet mine ? ? down i go all around i go ? ? like a leaf ? ? a leaf that's caught in the tide ?
? i hear your name zelda schwartz, and i'm aflame ? ? aflame with such a burning desire ? ? that only your kiss kiss, kiss, kiss ? ? can put out that fire ? ? 'cause you're the lover ? ? lover, lover that i have waited for ? ? you're the one ? ? you're the mate that i was created for ? ? and every time your lips meet mine ? ? oh, down and down and down i go ? ? round and round and round i go ? ? in the spin man, do i dig that spin i'm in ? ? be-bo-be-bop-uh-oh that old black magic called ? ? "you're a dirty robber" ? ? old black magic called ? ? "hoo-ha, stay in the car" ? ? old black magic called ? you four men go that way i'll take the buckboard into town. ? under that old black magic ? ? called love ?
about replacing your car because you'll get the full value back including depreciation. make the switch to liberty mutual and see why we've been awarded highest in customer satisfaction by j.d. power. call for a free quote today. liberty stands with you?. liberty mutual insurance. in the general's life. oh, i am pleased that i was able to help you, master. yeah, well, after all, who got me into the situation in the first place? [doorbell rings] ah, hey, stay out of sight, will you? just-- just stay there. huh? oh, hi, sammy. hi, tony. well, we were just talking about how wonderful you were last night. well, i'm glad you enjoyed it. i really appreciate what you did for us. then would you mind doing a little favor for me? anything. anything at all? oh, sure, anything. [chuckles] get rid of him. ? that old black magic has me in its spell ?
[???] [???] [jeannie yelling] [screaming] what is it? what is it? jeannie! [screaming] what is it? oh, master, i o ened. calm down. just calm down. how can i calm down when something terrible is going to happen? i-- i am not sure exactly, but i had this t-terrible dream, and-- and then i woke up and-- jeannie, jeannie. it was a nightmare. a nightmare. now, you go-- you go back to your bottle and forget all about it. it's just a dream. oh, that is what worries me, master. my dreams always come true. oh! your--? your dreams always come true? oh, yes, master. something terrible is going to happen. [wailing] oh, no. now, don't worry. you're gonna be fine. you're gonna be fine.
[??] [???] let me do that, jeannie. oh, i am sorry, master. but i do not want to lose you. oh, you're not gonna lose me. my dreams always come true. yeah. uh, jeannie, exactly what did you dream about? well, i cannot remember exactly what it was. well, you must have some idea. uh, was it involving, uh, an automobile accident? no, i do not think so.
an animal. an animal? oh, it is all coming back to me now. yeah? you are going to be attacked. attacked by what? a cat. [laughing] a cat? [gasping] oh, it was terrible. it was huge and ferocious, he w crouching over you, oh, it was terr don't do that. ready to eat you. stop playing around. oh! and i was not there to protect you. hi, tony. hey, look what i've got. ? for the circus. the circus? yeah, i haven't been there since i was a kid, and i thought maybe you and jeannie and i, we could go-- i'm sorry, roge, i-- no. but don't you like circuses? do you know what they have at the circus? yeah, they have tightrope walkers and clowns and acrobats and-- and wild animals. yeah, wild animals. well, jeannie had a dream last night that i was attacked by wild animals. oh. here's your ticket. i'll have these exchanged for two back row seats. you couldn't pay me to go to that thing. now that we know where the trouble could've come from,
[???] give me a screwdriver, will you, roge? [sighing] oh, thanks. how's it look? well, the flanges are okay. the main rotor head's the one that's gonna give us a problem. is everything all right? oh, yes, yes. everything's just fine. you don't have to worry. oh, i hope you are right. the circus is probably clear on the other side of town by now. oh, very well. then i think i will go shopping. good, good. you do that. have fun. would you like to come with me? no, no, i have to finish up this project. what are you doing? well, i'm trying to miniaturize these parts. miniaturize? mm-hm. yeah, make smaller. why do you want them smaller? oh, well, one of the problems in sending up a missile is that you have to have hundreds of pounds of thrust for every payload pound you carry, you understand?
what tony means is, if we can reduce the size of the parts, we can get more into the missile. oh, i see. you mean, if that is tiny, then you will have more room for other things. yeah, well, something like that, yeah. jeannie: oh, well. i am sure you will be able to do it, master. i remember once when king tut wanted to build a dam across the nile. everyone said that it could not be done-- uh, jeannie, why don't you go shopping? [giggling] yes, master. bye-bye. bye. [???] here's that wiring diagram. [whistling] do you know what that looks like? that looks like the rotor's been miniaturized. jeannie!
niaturize the whole missile. oh! oh, tony. tony? tony. tony: i'm down here. down where? hi, i'm down here, roge. i'm down-- hey, don't step on me. don't! what are you doing down there? she shrunk me. she blinked at the rotor head and miniaturized it, and some of it spilled over on me. don't panic, so you're a little short. uh-- uh-- uh, go-- go find jeannie. well, she went shopping. well, go find-- maybe she hasn't left yet. yeah, okay. i'll look in the house. don'avmeere. well, go find-- maybe she hasn't left yet. don't get excited now. be careful. ahh! you're squeezing me! i'll take you with me. hold on. you'ren good hands. jeannie! jeannie? tony's in trouble! : re sking me. be careful, will ya? you gotta help him! tony: put me down. over there on top of the desk. now, careful. careful.
's gone. you gotta find her. now, look, just take it easy. everything's gonna be all right. what do you mean, all right? look what she's done to me. roger: hey, maybe jeannie's got something there. do you realize if she shrank a hundred astronauts, we could fit 'em into a capsule-- roger! oh, yeah. okay. just relax. i'll go and get jeannie. and hurry! yeah, okay, but, uh, don't do any walking, huh? if anybody stepped on you, you'd really be short. [laughing] yeah, yeah. hello. anybody home? major nelson? [meowing] it's dr. bellows. hide. beows: uh, major nelson? well... [meowing] [clears throat] ah, major healey. yes, sir. yes, sir. oh, uh, major nelson's not here. bellows: that's strange. he asked me to stop by and pick up a chart he made for me. roger: why would he do that? oh, yeah. well, he had to leave unexpectedly. bellows: well, i'll just wait here.
bellows: perhaps you're right. i'll just phone office and see if i can-- oh! oh, i wouldn't do that, sir. on sd o he'll probably be right back. you seem terribly nervous, major. oh-- do you have a problem? well, just a tiny one, sir. ally nothing, uh, worth mentioning. it's-- well, i'm glad to hear that. oh, don't move! don't move! don't move? why? stand still. why? oh, well, i, uh-- ahem, i lost a crystal to my watch. oh, your crystal? well, i... roger: i'll tell you what. why don't we tiptoe out on the patio, and we'll get a little suntan out there. i don't want a suntan, major. look, do you happen to know where major nelson left that decompression chart? i-- oh, oh. it's-- it's upstairs in the study. why don't we go up to the study? it's probably there. we'll just tiptoe up there. oh, very well. very nicely, watch out for the crystal. watch it, watch it, watch it. watch it. watch it, now. that's it. easy does it. up to the study we go.
[ringing] well, um, uh, shouldn't we answer it? it might be important. it's probably the wrong number. oh! i'll get it, sir. it's the telephone. mm. [chuckles] ah. hello. hello, major healey. oh, boy. am i glad to hear from you. i am having such fun shopping that i have decided may i speak thplea? well, uh, he can't reach the phone. i mean, we can't reach him to reach the phone. ah, he's still working. was he pleased at what i did? well, uh, i don't think "pleased" is the word. you see, eeling very w. feeling very low. i know why. he loves to do everything himself. he never wants me to help him. well, i think you've over-helped him.
oh, not now! oh-- major, can we get on with this? roger: oh, yes, sir. i will-- get on-- [chuckling] yes, sir. yes, sir. jeannie: very well then. i will spend the whole afternoon at the market. you will not believe this, but i have found a two-for-one sale. bye-bye, major healey. oh! don't go! don't go-- h-hello? oh, she just hung up. [screaming] jeannie! [cat growling] ow! [screaming] [???] [growling]
[pasodoble music playing] ha, ha. [screaming] jeannie! ahh! tony: get outta here, you bruiser! back, back! no! jeannie! look out, look out, look out! you, you, you, you-- look out! jeannie! back! back! back! i knew they had to be here. wait a minute, sir. what? i'll go first, sir. oh, yes, the crystal. yeah, crystal. tippy-toe. well, uh, i'd better be getting back to the base. oh, uh, tell major nelson i have the chart, will you? yeah, well, he'll be glad you missed him. i mean, he'll be sorry he missed you. hm. yes. oh, i did want to discuss this chart with him before i turned in it. i know, i can go over it with you in my office. good idea, sir. first thing monday morning. no, i meant now, major healey.
al peterson is waiting for it. did you have anything more important to do? [cat meows] [meowing] huh? major, i asked you: did you have anything more important to do? well, no, sir. i'll-- i'll be right there, sir. all right. [smacking] oh, what a way to go. if you're ready, major. bye, buddy. [???] [thud] [yelling]
whoa! ah, whoa! ahh! jeannie, jeannie! let me off this thing, will ya? jeannie! [screaming] jeannie! do something! [growls] turn this thing off, will ya? lady, would you mind not pinching the oranges. but, how else can i tell whether they are ripe? you buy them, and then you pinch them. in atlantis, we always pinch them. please keep your hands off the fruit. how much are they? twenty-nine cents a pound. twenty-nine cents--? why, that is robbery! in atlantis, the oranges are 10 times the size of these, and we only charge three teklas. look, lady. i'm not running a debating society. if you're not gonna buy anything, please move on. oh, no wonder you are so bad tempered. you are ashamed of the poor merchandise you have to sell.
[???] [growling] [screaming] jeannie! jeannie! well, major, this test is most encouraging. you spent over seven and a half hours under stress in the decompression chamber without any adverse psychological effects. well, i'm happy to say that you're completely normal. dr. bellows? mm? there's something i better tell you. yes? [sighs]
what are you talking about? major nelson, sir. you killed major nelson? i should've done something, but i didn't know there was a cain the house. you didn't know there was a cat in the house? it's-- it's hard to believe. what are we gonna do? we're going to start your test all over again. now, major. [growling] [screaming] jeannie: master? jeannie! master, i'm home. [meowing] [screaming] are ou doing playing with the cat? what? that is a terrible thing to do. i told you cats were dangerous for you. and so tiny. you had no business to--
oh. you're too late, jeannie. too late for what? d-don't you know what happened to tony? tony? tony! oh! i didn't kill him! oh, oh, oh! i didn't kill him. i didn't kill him. when i saw the cat licking his lips-- why did you let him play with the cat? and playing with the cat. why did roger? what do you mean? i should always be here-- whole thing. we were in the garage minding our own business when you decided to shrink-- no, i wasn't-- [???] when you decided to shrink-- no, i wasn't-- - [narrator] what if you had a medical emergency away from home? - my chest hurts, i can't breathe. - [narrator] what you need is mobilehelp, america's premiere mobile medical alert system. most systems only work at home, but with mobilehelp, you get help outside the home with coverage nationwide on one of the largest
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i am sorry i made you nervous. who? m-me? oh, jeannie. you-- you didn't really think i was scared of that cat, did ya? you were not? [chuckling] of course not. oh, i am glad. take this out to the patio for me, will ya? oh, yes, master. thanks. [laughing] she really thought i was scared of that little cat. [meows] tony: help! help! get back! oh, hello, dr. bellows. what is it now, major? what is what now, sir? oh, well, i was just playing with the little-- little cat. yes. i came over to bring you the results of your psychological tests. oh, yes, sir. i'm afraid we'll have to start the tests all over again. [kitten meows] goodbye, major. you don't have to leave. don't leave me here with-- [sighs] [tony screaming] no, stop! back!
back! jeannie! [???] back! jeannie! ? green acres is the place to be ? ? farm livin' is the life for me ? ? land spreadin' out so far and wide ? give me that countryside ? ? new york is where i'd rather stay ? ? i get allergic smelling hay ? ? i just adore a penthouse view ? ? darling, i love you, but give me park avenue ? ? the chores ? ? the stores ? ? fresh air ? ? times square ? ? you are my wife ?