tv North Carolina News at 600AM CBS November 25, 2016 6:00am-7:00am EST
mork, what are you doing? singing the orkan blues. ? gonna nanu all night long ? say, i like that. do you know the "no sales" blues? stop fooling around. i feel sorry for dad. so do i. [ sighs ] why do we feel sorry for dad? business is the pits. on top of that, the water pipe broke in his house e entire living room. that's too bad. the wet look is out. it costs almost $3,000 to repair the plumbing and dry out all the furniture. do you know where those invoices are for the records? we ran out, but there's more in the back.
like to buy a record? no, i'm just browsing. let's show you this special deal! marcel marceau's greatest hits! "man ascending an escalator." "man walking the world's largest staircase." there he goes walking across it. let's just forget the vinyl. look inside. it can be a hand glove! it also can dice, slice, and make julienned fries! it could also be a party favor! a king tut hat! who knew?! also a puppet for a 2-dimensional child. "hi, mom. nice to have you home." many more can be yours for only $1.99! offer void where prohibited by good taste. you are one funny guy with loads of energy, pal. but i'd like to ask you a couple of questions. do you know one mindy mcconnell? i know one. are there more? this one's 21, brunette, and lives at 1619 pine street.
i saw the front of the store. it said, "mcconnell's music store," and he told me your name. i didn't. you implied it. oh, psychic. how do you know where i live? it was kind of a hunch. could you excuse me for just a moment? here's the deal. i'm actually from the boulder evening sun. clint mullitt, ace reporter. you don't act too much like a reporter. actually, i'm just clint mullitt, ace copy boy. copy boy -- a clone! i'm working on a story so big, no other reporter would touch it. it's the biggest coverup since the greenbrier scandal. i never heard of that. you see? it seems that a few months ago you were up at boulder lake. how do you know? did you see anything unusual that night? like what? ufos? what? flying saucers? flying saucers. ar ar ar!
you don't? no, i'm into flying eggs. ha ha ha! flying saucers. don't make me laugh. now, look. 12 people in your area reported seeing glowing flying saucers. it was a dark night. why didn't you see any glowing objects? mindy, these are the wrong invoices. all right, gram. i'll be right back. what was your name again? clint mullitt, the next lou grant. it was nice getting to know you. if i remember i saw a flying saucer, i will let you know. save some coffee for tuesday. whoa. that was a close call. cora: mindy! i'll be right back. i knew it. i sensed it. i felt it. she knows something. she knows something. she knows a lot of things. she watches rona barrett. did she ever talk to you about a strange creature from another planet? about one? no. you know, i'm into aliens. and you talk about these things with mindy? sure thing. you and i have got a lot in common. we ought to get together, have some lunch,
does this mean we're gonna be friends? you betcha, pal. if my theory is right, there's probably an alien right here in boulder, so be on the lookout for anything strange or unusual. you bet. nanu, nanu. do you realize what a close call that was? guess what? clint wants to be my friend. of course he wants to be your friend. you're the one he wants. there's an old orkan phrase -- the best place to hide from your enemy is right under his noses. what if he finds out -- ? do do-do ? ...that you don't read the boulder evening sun? then he won't be my friend? he might not. i'm gonna run out and buy a copy right now. hello! oh, that boy really wigs me out. i love him. what's the matter, dear? is something wrong? there was this crazy reporter in here.
oh, of all the crazy wieners. don't you worry, dear. if he comes back again, i'll kick him right in his sunday supplement. [ horns honking ] [ tires screeching ] shazbat! mary lou! aaahhh! what happened?! he almost got hit by a bus. mork, you should know better ing. if you hadn't pulled me out from in front of that bus, i'd be dead meat right now. it was no big deal. i just happened to be there. thank you. i owe you everything -- my life, my firstborn. thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you... ...thank you, thank you, thank you, thank -- thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. mork... please stop saying, "thank you, thank you, thank you." you're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome.
t. can i make you another sandwich? huh? can i? can i? huh? huh? mork, m-mork... can't you find something else to do? a funeral. anything. just leave -- what funeral? the one for the chair i zapped. my chippendale chair. good grief, man. why did you zap my chair? mercy killing. its leg was broken. my trombone. ed my trombone. i have to have my trombone. ? footbone's connected to the anklebone ? ? anklebone's connected to the shinbone ? trombone, yeah! [ muffled ] mork, please leave me alone. but you saved my life. i owe you everything. anybody would've pulled you from in front of that bus. not on my planet. they don't even have emotions on my planet. what's it like not having any emotions? it's a real bummer.
[ telephone rings ] i'll get it. oh, no. no, no. i'll get it. too late! i'm there. daddy's residence. it's for you, my liege. hello? oh, i-i -- mr. wilson? oh. oh, yes. from the high school. yes, how are you? your bandleader is sick. i'm sorry to hear that. you want me to conduct the orchestra on saturday? oh, well... what? [ high-pitched ] eeeee! i can get it done. uh-huh. right. thank you, mr. wilson. thank you. mork, they've asked me to conduct an orchestra for money. i can't believe it. that's great news! i have some even greater news. remember how this trombone used to slide?
ar! hey, great game. now it's your turn. it's you -- it's -- mork. mork, how did you get in here? i saw you come up through the ladder, so i hid. tag. you're it. listen, mork, i'm convinced mindy knows something about these ufo sightings. so i'm over here snooping around for some clues. like what? a clue can be anything. it could be big, small... sometimes they can even be right under your nose. i have the same theory. no kidding. one day you may be an investigative reporter like me. for instance, what's this? oh, i... looks like some kind of folder, doesn't it? yeah. hi, mork. oh, uh... hi, uh...clint.
dad, this is the reporter i was telling you about. i have evidence here that leads me to believe that mindy knows an alien, the leader of a planet "orch"? oh, confusion, fear, look of cold terror. yes, it's right here. it says "orch leader." i don't believe it. this is my father's music. that's o-r-c-h, "orch." it's for "orchestra leader." it's music for the high school. clint, you lose again. wait a minute. you came through my window?! did you break in here? you've gone over the line. i'm calling the cops. cops -- i know that game. freeze! nobody move! we have a male... [ imitating radio frequency ] a caucasian male. hello? this is an emergency! hang on just a second. what's this? uh, never mind. this looks to me like some kind of space helmet.
it doesn't look like a planter. you're starting to get on my nerves, so leave my apartment, and i don't want to see you around again. wait a minute. hang on, everybody. i've got a little admission to make. you're all familiar with the newspaper the american enquirer? good. well... they're offering a $25,000 reward for proof that there's an alien being living on earth. here's the proposition. listen close. i'll give you the money. all i want is exclusive rights to the story. all i want is the fame. tell you what -- all you have to do is get me proof that there's an alien being here on earth, and the money's yours. would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days?
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? think of your fellow man. ? ? lend him a helping hand. ? ? put a little love in your heart. ? ? take a good look around... ? okin' down, ? ? put a little love in your heart. ? ?put a little love in your heart.? ? in your heart. ? (avo) the subaru share the love event is happening now and will have given ninety million dollars to help real people like these. whoever thought i'd be guest conductor for a high-school band? maybe somebody will see me and hear me
i know you could use the extra money. i sure could use that $25,000 reward. dad! oh, honey, honey. don't worry. i wouldn't turn mork in. i have to admit that's an awful lot of money. i don't know what i'd do with that much. i know what i'd do. it's pointless to think about. we can't turn mork in. we have to be happy with what we are and what we have. i'd better get home and help cora with the clarinet class. it's gonna be a long night. i'll go with you and help out. honey, you've done enough as it is. y about it. if i help, you two can get to bed a lot sooner. mork, i'm going to go over to dad's for a while, so i'll see you later. yeah, see ya. it is getting late, so i think i'll hit the road. i'll see you tomorrow, dad. good night. oh! mork! what are you doing here?
r that reward. why would you want to do a crazy thing like that? so i can give you the money. i have to pay you back. mindy is my friend, and especially you because you saved my life. and i know you need the money really badly. mork, everybody needs money. that's right. you don't have to do a thing like that. mork, you just don't know what they'd do to you. your life wouldn't be your own anymore. i have an idea. they'd make me a celebrity -- movies. eventually, i'd end up on "hollywood squares" in a box. disgusting! and that's just the good part. they may stick you in a bottle. my grandfather was a bottle, and he died a broken man. there's a chance, too, that we would never see you again. ohh. looks like my future's no bed of raisins. i want to help my friends but i don't know what to do. phew! i've got to think this one under. cora: frederick!
i'll go back and start bailing. that settles it. tell the plumber to come right away. it's an emergency. [ making high-pitched noises ] hello, clint? mork here. if you want to see a real, live alien being, be at mindy's house at noon tomorrow. be there or be square. bye. [ knock on door ] mork: come in. mork, where are you? i'm up here. where is he? where is the ali he's getting dressed. what a day for mankind. what an event in the history of the universe. what a break for my career. i can see it now. i'll be in washington. the president, he'll call -- "clint, we need you." [ imitating fanfare ] i am mork from ork, sent by my superiors to observe your primitive civilization and report back. nanu, nanu. you look like a reject from the o'jays.
wait! how many people do you know that can drink with their finger? i'm sorry about this. i'll get back to you. [ high-pitched ] eeeee! wait a minute. [ burps ] how did you do that? greetings! i am mindy, cat woman from mars. [ meows ] mindy, what are you doing? i was sent here to observe your primitive planet. i am fredzo from skertzo! somehow i feel alienated. i have been sent down here to observe your primitive society and demonstrate my great powers. here, pick a card, any card. clint, i don't know how to tell you this, but they're jiving your socks off. move aside, boys. watch this. ooooo!
this whole thing is rigged. [ sighs ] oh. mork, he found us out. shazbat! shazbat! i just want to say that you are the most unconvincing group of aliens i have ever seen in my life. and, uh, mork, you are the worst. next time you try and impersonate an alien, why don't you just leave the pajamas home. i refuse to be made a fool of. too late. it's a real spacesuit. i paid 50 frivets for this in new ork. now you'll never get the money you need for the store. we won't get it from finking on you. we've been down before but we'll get out of it. we always have before.
why did you do that when you needed the money so really badly? you don't understand. mork, you're more important than any amount of money. you can't buy friendship. if i had turned myself in, it would've been for nothing? that's right. you saved me from that? well, yes. thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
whoa. what are we going to talk about this week? believe it or not, your immenseness, my value on the earth market is $25,000, or 100 yen. how much is that in grebels? a measly 0.3. money seems to be important to earthlings. you bet your sweet showboat. they put it in a place called a bank. what happens at a bank? you bring in your money, it meets other money, mates, and makes more money. also, this money seems to have a certain rubber-like quality or stretch a dollar. can anyone get money from the bank? no, only the rich and those with proper identification. also, a bank will only lend you money to buy a boat or a big car, not to buy food. why is that? food's harder to repossess. we will store that information, mork, even though it's from you. thank you, your immenseness. by the way, don't take any wooden grebels. this is mork signing off until next week.
sure. it's coming along fine now. right now it sounds a lot like swedish. it's late. i got to get to work. why are you wearing that rubber coat? this is a raincoat. it keeps my clothes dry. why not leave your clothes and go out naked? i don't think so. i never know when i might have to demonstrate the accordion. oh, humor. ar ar! you don't have to worry. it's not going to rain. we orkans are sensitive to the positive and negative ion ratio in the air, and the ion ratio today tells me sunny and clear. are you sure? the ion ratio would not lie to you. well, it never has before. okay. you win. you mind if i go to the store with you today? i'm observing the leader of the dogs, the red leader in front of the store with the four bumps that hangs around the curb.
he leader of the dogs. then why do they all salute him? i'll explain it on the way. oh. [ jackhammer pounding ] grandma, why are they tearing up the concrete outside? [ humming ] a! i'll save her. oh! they'll never harm you again. [ laughs ] well, thank you for saving my life. i think i'll need the earmuffs again to tune out that jackhammer concerto outside. yes, we noticed the workmen installing a hole. how can you miss it? you have to be a broad jumper to get into the store.
it's freezing in here. it's colder than a witch digger's brass monkey. is our rotten landlord trying to break the lease again? why? he hasn't even finished breaking the sidewalk yet. hey, mork, what's happenin'? gimme some skin. nanu, nanu. zabaz. what it is, what it was... and what it shall be. right on, my man. where'd the dirt come from? i think it came with the hole. okay, eugene, it's time for your violin lesson. it's too cold to practice in here. honey, the way you play, you can leave your mitte on, and nobody will know the difference. what if my fingers freeze, and i can't play anymore? your parents will send me a thank-you note. now, quit stalling, eugene. get it there, you jive turkey.
well, dad, the landlord is at it again. i know. i just came through the obstacle course out front. there's a 10-foot hole out there. arnold wanker doesn't seem to understand we have another two years left on our lease. and you don't seem to understand that if arnold wanker can kick us out, he can lease the space to the restaurant next door and double the rent. shazbat! electric danish! why are you wearing your raincoat today? it's going to rain. i heard it on the radio. it's not going to rain. can't you feel the ion ratio? now we're cooking. get down. get back up again. can't i hear the ion ratio? ah, you've been talking to trash gordon again. his name is mork, and he happens to be able to understand a lot of things we can't even comprehend yet. he's dancing to a sound effects record.
[ makes explosion noises ] wow. bummer. um, excuse me. excuse me. why is it so cold in here? arnold wanker is trying to freeze us out. this has got to be the dirtiest trick he's ever played. no, the worst thing he ever did was in sixth grade. he came to the baseball field and gave us lemonade. ar ar ar! that's not funny. oh. then we found out he put a padlock on the bathroom. it cost me two weeks' allowance to buy the key from him. now, that's funny. ar oh ar. confusion. heavy sigh. i'd better be going. charming family you have. take care of them.
see you at lunch, mindy. are you going to be all right? my project today is to observe how pigeons train old people to feed them. eugene is on automatic pilot. it was either leave the room or put on my earmuffs again. dad was just telling me what a rotten kid arnold wanker used to be. oh, yes, dreadful. i baby-sat him when he was 5, g money. did he catch you necking with your boyfriend? no, that would have only cost me half the money. half the money? grandma, what were you doing? she was probably supplying illegal drugs to civil war soldiers. oh, why don't you go sit on your schubert! mindy, dear, i think we ought to lay in
it's number 18 with a bullet. grandma, how come you know so much about disco? i know everything. i'm old. [ thunder crashes ] i'd like to speak to you about your ion ratio. you fell for it. ar ar! you mean you knew it was going to rain outside? sure. i heard it on the radio. i was splinking. why am i afraid to ask? see, on ork, splinking is telling someone something that isn't true -- a practical joke. you might call it splinking, but humans call it lying, and it isn't acceptable. you have got to start acting more human. but i was. i saw a laurel and hardy movie where laurel splinked hardy, then hardy went, "there's another fine mess."
laurel and hardy aren't human. they were human, but... just promise me you won't do a more splinking or lying. i promise. i didn't think you'd mind getting wet. look at me. my clothes are soggy, and my skin is all wet. i hate getting wet. i'm going to go take a shower. but wait. i made a sandwich for you. it's untouched by human hands. if you want to get fleetwood mac, i think this album's your best bet. all right, where's your father? one minute, mr. wanker. i happen to be helping a customer. $5.98? if you really want to help your customer, tell him he can get the same album for $4.50 at the music store down the street. wait a minute.
mr. wanker, you are an absolute -- absolutely wonderful to see you here, arnold. well, it isn't wonderful to see you. i've tried everything short of tear gas to get rid of you. [ horn honks ] that's my wife. i asked her to drive me to a foreclosure. i guess she needs some sort of social life. and speaking of foreclosure, your rent payment is due friday. today is wednesday. in spite of the fact you've nearly ruined our business -- tearing up our sidewalk and turning off the heat. it's like an icebox in here. i thought you wanted a rent freeze. oh, i love my work. [ horn honks ] oh, shut up! i'm coming! i got to use the phone. where is it? i know where i'd like it to be. yeah, around his neck. oh, it's over there. he's already turned off the heat.
guy's been getting away with this for years. somebody's got to tell him. chambers, i am sick and tired of calling you about this! i want him evicted tomorrow! well, so what if he's 90 years old? tell him to start for the door today. [ horn honks ] hold on, you old bat! oh, that's the trouble with people today. they're just too impatient. somebody's got to tell him off. mr. wanker, you have been evicting people and screaming at people and being nasty... do you hear me, mr. w-- whoa.
try to take it easy, mrs. wanker. oh, i knew it was coming. the doctor told him to take it easy, but, no, he wouldn't listen. arnold. calm down, annie. when he left the car -- when he left the car, little did i know that his last words to me would be, "wait here." i don't want it. i el terblble about this. those awful things we were saying to him. he brought this on himself. we did everything we could, but i'm afraid he's gone. oh, well, thank you. i guess you can go now. i'll call the mortuary. we'll leave the deceased back there then. nice suits. i'd like to see the rest of the band. it's going to be a bummer, though, trying to find shoes to match that bag.
my experiment with the pigeons worked. they agreed to everything i said. cheer up. you look like somebody died. ar ar! [ crying ] who's the grouch? mork, will you just be quiet and act like a human being? [ crying ] how's that? shh! she just lost her husband. he just died. he died? oh, no, the embarrassment. genuine look of grief. he was such a wonderful man. don't you think so? he was a beautiful man. he was a real wurbl. he was an inspiration. he was an angel. he is now.
what grandma meant was a man that good and that loved and that admired must certainly have found a heavenly place for himself. thank you, mindy. you really cared about him, didn't you? oh, well, i think i'm safe in saying that dad, grandma, and i all felt the same way about him. who would believe it? a few minutes ago he was here yelling at us, and now he's back there, quiet as a mouse. he's back there? he's only been there for a few minutes? yeah, that's right. annie. [ crying ] annie. annie, dear. why don't i drive you home? come along, dear. now, everything is going to be all right. all right. i'll stay with her for a few hours. it's the least i can do.
yes, anybody can make that mistake. my own daughter did. [ hums ] you lucky earthlings. think you could tone down the exuberance? there's no need to be sad anymore. mork, a man is dead. a lot you know. [ imitates bugle sound ] ? stayin' alive, stayin' alive ? ? stayin' alive ? but he's supposed to be dead. not anymore. i gave him a jump-start. a jump-start? you can do that? it's a billion-in-one shot. i did it once with a crawling zabadee. who knew it would work with a lower form of life? conditions were perfect, though.
i know this will work 'cause i saw it in the movies. [ imitating humphrey bogart ] wake up, sweetheart. and furthermore, mcconnell, i'm going to get you to break that lease if i have to break your legs to do it. now, now, now, let me get this straight. conditions have to be perfect? it's a one-in-a-million shot? you don't think you can ever do it again? and you wasted it on that miserable wreck?! but he's your friend. friend? my word. i can't stand him. but you said all those nice things about him. i lied. oh. you? then you lied, too. oh, i didn't exactly lie. i just didn't exactly tell the truth. what's the difference? well, the difference is lying is lying, and not telling the truth is lying. you're right. i lied.
that stupid woman. i don't know why i married her. i told her to wait. now i got to call a cab. there was a very good reason why she left. i'd like to know. well, you were... let me see if i can put it delicately. say it quickly. you bit the big one. boot hill, great white hunting ground. you bought the farm. you kicked the bucket. what is this dodo trying to say? you were dead. you had a heart attack here in the store. heart attack? how come i don't remember it? think back. what do you remember? well, i was on the phone evicting some 90-year-old deadbeat. i remember my wife honking the car horn. i remember overcharging my fraternity for the beer, and then i pulled the lemonade trick on the little league, and then i caught my babysitter doing -- wait a minute.
that was just before you -- [ hums "taps" ] this is some kind of trick to keep me from breaking the lease, isn't it? well, it just won't work. excuse me, sir. can you tell me where the loved one is? what loved one? we are supposed to pick up one arnold winker, deceased. that's arnold wanker. i'm not deceased. at way for a long, long time. no pickup. watch out... [ wanker screams ] [ thud ] ...for the hole. arnold wanker really lucked out. in that terrible fall, all he broke was both legs and his collarbone. the good news is he'll be in traction for months.
but after you said all those nice things, i thought you'd be happy when i brought him back. i confused you with my speech on lying and splinking. it was confusing to hear you lie after all that. i should have explained about something called little white lies. all splinks are blue. a little white lie is what you tell when you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. but how could you hurt wanker's feeling? he was croak city. but i would have hurt his wife's feelings if i told the truth, so i bent it a little. a little? alall right. i stretched it a lot. on earth, the truth gets a lot of exercise. but as a rule, you should always tell the truth. i should never lie? never. hi. oh, i'm so glad you kids are home. i've been invited to the gray panthers' prom
good evening, mr. and mrs. universe and all chefs in space. let's go to press. file the report, mork. but you take all the fun out of it. the report! yes, your immenseness. today's report is about little white lies. what? they're the same as little blue splinks. there are several kinds of white lies. number one -- the sports lie. i'm telling you, harry. you should have seen the one that got away. i'm talking so big it almost swamped the dinghy. then there are vanity lies. how old are you, mrs. vandergraff? [ imitating elderly woman ] i'm only 28 years old. then there are the kind of lies to keep you from getting your lips ripped off. [ southern accent ] barbara jean, that was the best meal i've ever had. i've never seen anybody do that with figs before. the secret must be in the cheese. [ imitating walter cronkite ] that's the way it is