tv North Carolina News at 530AM CBS November 29, 2016 5:30am-6:00am EST
? madness ? ? madness, ? they call it madness ? ? madness ? ? madness, they call it madness ? ? it's plain to see ? mean to me ? ? madness ? ? madness, i call it gladness ? ha ha ha! ? madness ? ? madness, they call it madness ? ? madness ? ? madness, they call it madness ? ? i'm about to explain ? ? that someone is losing their brain ?
go away. don't be insensitive. these pups are really barking. and what was the latest burger baby crisis? did you forget the pickle? did you run out of secret sauce? is the burger baby linked romantically to nancy reagan? do you mind cutting the sarcasm? i go to school all day, then bust my butt in some burger joint don't throw me out. i hate that. just 'cause i'm selling burgers to some slob instead of saving his life, i'm not allowed to complain? not too elitist. give me a break. no offense, but any idiot could do what you do. you think that offends me? for your information, it's not that easy being a mindless idiot. sorry. you make it look easy.
for years, you've been coddled and spoon-fed. yes, dr. god. no, dr. god. let me swab up that sweat for you, dr. god. you've turned into a hothouse flower. what? that's right. you're like some giant petunia in high-tops. go home. you smell like an onion ring. go ahead. mock the odor of a working man. you know what? you wouldn't last one weekend at burger baby. they'd eat you alive. you're like elsa in born free. i'm like elsa? you've lost touch with your own species. you couldn't make it as an average american teenager. you couldn't hack it. all right. it's another day, another shift, another chance to prove to me that you're not just another screw-up. what do you say?
you got your medium, then your large, which in turn brings us to your x-large. which also makes a handsome mini-wastebasket. it's a brilliant marketing strategy. it's sturdy enough for beverages, yet attractive enough to use in the guest bath. howser, you want me to go over the chart again? no. i think i got it. i can just look at it on the sign. do you know why it's on the sign? delpino?
exactly. got that, howser? yes. may i add that i'm looking forwarddddd to bypassing my cerebral cortex and relying solely on the more primitive medulla to perform mundane and repetitive tasks? what? i'll check my brain at the door. now you're talking. all right, a guy orders a burger. you say? thank you? delpino? you want fries with that? you want fries with that. notice how it's not a question but a statement-- a reflection of what's going on inside the customer's mind. he wants fries, but he needs your permission to go ahead and order them. it's kind of my little brainchild. i think it's called subliminal marketing. no one's paying you to think. just push those grease sticks.
to orientate the new guy into the burger baby family of fine fryables. oh, that's real mature. why not just throw a spit wad at him? just wait, mr. petunia. you'll see. so, your cd player's stackable, right? vinnie, there's no way you're going to win this bet. i love it here already. i'm literally giddy from the lack of responsibility. can we keep the hats? right. you've been here 15 minutes. rs. from dr. god to grease jockey? your cd player is mine. "we use only the best parts of the cow." what a highfalutin claim. you know what they say are in these burgers? snouts, ears, and udders.
what? what's that? um, it's the, uh, secret goof-off schedule. we all take turns covering for each other. each of us gets downtime in the storeroom so you can sleep, read-- organized goofing off? you're accepting money to do this job. i'm sorry, but that shows a remarkable lack of integrity. there goes my nomination for the supreme court. double goof-off for me. he's my recruit. [beeping] if you'll excuse me, i'm going to earn my minimum wage. good morning. how can i help you? i'd like a burger baby burger and large kiddy cola. of course you would.
large? no. no. oh! oh, i think we have it. yeah. yeah, we've got a match. ho! we're well on our way. [humming] he's part of our new program to hire the terminally obnoxious. o.k., that'll be $2.19, please. out of $3.00. oh, no. we'll have to make change. what'll i do? would you look at that? the computer did it for me. burger babies aren't paid to think. o.k. here you go. it's been a pleasure serving you. come back soon. [moaning] what's that i hear? is that your autographed magic johnson basketball
owe you an apology. it is tough being a mindless idiot. i thought you had no responsibility, but you have tons. you've got no power. that must be stressful. yeah. well, this should hook into my system, right? yeah. in a way, i have had it easier than you. even though i've had to work hard, everyone was rooting for me, but you don't get that support. you have to achieve your goals despite the obstacles. i'm sorry. if you ever want to complain about anything, i'll listen. you do go on. now, i'm going to go home and take a very long shower.
although, since i have this job, janine tells me my skin's softer than a baby's behind. one of the perks of the burger trade. here, here. let me take those. have i told you recently what a wonderful job you're doing? no. well, you are. thanks. what a zoo. yeah. dr. howser! isn't it great? got your wheelchair!