tv North Carolina News at 600AM CBS December 1, 2016 6:00am-7:00am EST
oh, i love a good wedding. you know, it's always such a happy occasion. not for that poor sucker in the white dress. you mean the bride? i couldn't tell. they had that net over her head. i knew they had it in for h when she tried to make her getaway down the aisle, and they had that midget holding her back by the dress. it was over when that guy dragged her out to meet that vicious mob. what vicious mob? the one that was pelting her with little white pebbles. no wonder married women get so many headaches. those people weren't throwing pebbles. they were throwing rice. it's what earthlings do to wish the couple good luck.
those were old shoes. they symbolize the hope for prosperity, just like the cans that are tied on the back. they tied their cans back there, too? [ knock on door ] it's kind of late. will you see who it is? who is it? eugene. it's eugene. you know, you really amaze me. and myself, too. eugene, what are you doing here so late? i'm running away from home. your home's chasing you? it must be a mobile home. why are you running away? my mother acts like she owns me. i can give you some money. you can make a down payment and buy yourself back. mothers don't care about money. all they care about is power -- "hang up your clothes. eat your vegetables. brush your teeth. take a bath."
not mine. anyway, i just want to say goodbye. i'm going to miss you, my main munchkin. there's some tears going to well up. i feel severe moisture right now. do you think running away is the answer? i can't stand anymore. tonight she yelled at me for spitting out my liver. spitting out your liver -- that could kill you! eugene, those organs are put there for a purpose. it was calf's liver. oh. dopey me. in a couple of days, you're going to look back on this and laugh about it. this has been building up since i was 3, maybe longer. i can't remember before that. i didn't realize children were so persecuted. well, so long, mork. what it was, plasma. mindy. eugene, as bad as you think you have it at home, you're no worse off than any other kid your age.
so she got to you, didn't she? your parents are probably worried to death. i'm going to take you home for your own good. why doesn't anyone take me to disneyland for my own good? you're not going to take him back to that tyrant. i grant him parental asylum. hell, no, we won't go! heck, no, we won't go! hell, no, we won't go! heck, no, we won't go! heck, no... come on! what is the worst thing could happen? she could make me eat broccoli. broccoli? aah! broccoli's despised throughout the universe. when was the last time you ate broccoli? well, when i was 3 bleams old, and i still haven't swallowed it. so eugene's parents weren't upset? not at all. they had a feeling he was with us.
to forward his allowance to my house. mindy. carbonation. carbonation? you told me never to call you pops again. mork, you're a gas. hello. so, what have you been doing this morning? i was making observations of your primitive planet. i'm impressed with how police deal with tension by throwing parties for the citizens. i saw this one policeman who had stopped a guy nose and going, "come on, now. can you do it?" he gave him a chance to blow up a balloon. then, he gave him a massage and a free ride in his car. i was so impressed, i jumped out and said, "police hospitality! police hospitality!" cora: well, that's it for today, dear. for a first lesson, you did very well, holly. before long, you and the piano will be best friends.
some practice books for you if you'll wait here. i'm young. i have time. hello. i'm donny osmond. all right, i'll tell you the truth. my name is mork. nanu, nanu. are you a stranger? it depends on where i am. then i'm not supposed to talk to you. it's for my own good. holly, i think you can talk to mork. hudson's and mine. he's okay. so what brings you here? my mother said i should take piano lessons because i'd be glad to know how to play when i was 20. so how did your lesson go? i'd better not die when i'm 19. hostility rating, 104.9. are you angry at your mother, too? let's just say she owes me. come along, holly.
she's lucky. i never got to practice piano when i was a kid. they could never fit it in the test tube. eugene! what's action, faction? let it slide, glide. get down. get back up again. oh, i guess you're not buying that honkie jive today, eh? what's wrong, trouble at home? you still have broccoli written all over your face. my cousin's really lucky. he's married and doesn't have to get washed every night. marriage is the only way to go. hey, who's that? that's holly. her mother's down on her, too. sure is a doll. an android maybe, but not a doll. no, that's not what i meant. a cute chick, a fox. you know, real hot stuff. oh, a fox. [ barks ] okay, eugene, it's time for your lesson. why are you doing that?
mork! did you say that? uh, not to the best of my recollection. oh, come on, plasma, you're stonewalling now. he called you more than that. he said you were a fox, a doll, and cute poultry. you're weird. whoa. the princess almost decked you. why did she do tha i think she likes me. be careful she doesn't like you too much. you'll be carrying your teeth in a bag. mindy, you can do it! fly! i know you can! mindy, what's wrong? give it a try!
i was just trying to help you lift off. you have to shave your head to reduce the friction. come on, let's try again! up we go! please! don't! oh, there's no place like home. [ laughs ] mork, i wasn't trying to fly. i'm late for lunch. i'm trying to dry my nails. oh, that's easy. just wipe them like this. just wipe that stuff right off there. whoa. here we go. [ sniffs ] whoa! thanks. well, what are friends for? whoa! [ grunts ] mindy, there's one thing i don't understand. you could have fooled me. eugene told me he liked holly, but he didn't tell her. some people are shy. they might like someone, but oftentimes they can't express their feelings. they're afraid the other person might not like them. why did eugene think holly liked him when she punched him? boys and girls punch, push, or hit as a way of getting close.
yeah, it can. then the rams and the cowboys are lovers? [ doorbell rings ] i'll get that. might be avon. mork, i got to talk to you. can we be alone? that's impossible. there are two of us. i just don't want m-i-d-n-y to hear. well, listen, good, old midny can take a hint. if your conversation's so private, why don't you have it up in the attic? that's really appreciative of you. have a good night, bird legs. thanks. i'm really into affection. see you later, burro breath. so this is your pad? no, no, this is my room. this is my pad over here. look at this. if you move it real fast, it looks like blank pages. mork, i think holly and i are in love.
etter sit down and analyze this. so what are the early warning signals? she called me piano mouth, bozo brain, and something i've only seen once on the bathroom wall. sounds like the real thing. if holly and i could run away together, our problems would be solved. you tried that once, and it didn't work. i didn't go far enough. this time i'd go on a ship. the captain would marry us. then our parents couldn't bug us. a captain of a ship can marry people? i saw it in a movie. i came here in a ship. i was the only person on that ship. i'm a captain. that's great. would you marry holly and me? sure. come up here tomorrow afternoon after school, and it's yours. sam, blam, sam, blam. you better not tell anyone we're getting married. i thought people here only get married when they want to have children. we don't need them. we are children.
? think of your fellow man. ? ? lend him a helping hand. ? ? put a little love in your heart. ? ? take a good look around... ? ? ...and if you're lookin' down, ? ? put a little love in your heart. ? ?put a little love in your heart.? ? in your heart. ? (avo) the subaru share the love event is happening now
we better hit the sack now. i'll flip you for the top bunk. kay-o. it looks like we'll be sleeping on mr. floor tonight. i wish there was some way back to the car. we got lost during daylight. imagine what it would be like at night. besides, that beaver's out looking for us. you're right. i guess there's nothing we can do but just make the best of this. oh.
at least we have three walls and a roof over our head. well, if it wasn't snowing, the stars would be awfully pretty. oh, isn't this fun? i love eating out. somehow i just can't picture john wayne of a roaring campfire roasting vienna sausage. that's all exidor had in the cabinet -- that and the mouse. that wasn't a mouse. it was a moldy, fuzzy, gray avocado. but it crawled. i know. the only thing between us and death is this fire. we've got to do something else to get warm. hey, wait a minute. what about this old trunk?
there might be some old blankets or clothes in there. wait. don't open it. you think that avocado could have crawled in there? wait! well, there's no trail of guacamole. we're safe. [ grunts ] wow, what's this? "'confessions of a schizophrenic' by exidor as told to exidor." here's something. wait. his and hers prophet robes. well, at least they're made out of flannel. well, i don't know about you, but i'm pretty tired. time to hit the old sack. there's no place to hang, so i guess i'll just have to rough it and sleep horizontal. mork, you don't understand. if we fall asleep, and the fire goes out, we'll freeze to death. you mean, stiff city?
be as tight as two cubes in a tray. ar ar. well, what do you do to stay awake when you go camping? well, we used to roast marshmallows and sing songs. sing songs. that's it. here we go. hit it. [ singing "99 bottles of beer on the wall" in orkan ] i don't know how to count backwards in orkan. here's one that's universal. ? kum ba ya, my -- ? we used to tell ghost stories. oh, that would be fun. let's do it. come on. let's go. come on! come on! okay. uh, there was a spooky old house sitting way at the top of a hill. no! no!
oh, mindy, wake up. wake up. we fell asleep. oh, no. we have to get it going again. here, stir the embers. oh, i'm so cold. cold? have any matches? i can't find the matches. oh, no. i can't feel my pockets. i can't feel my hands. i got frostbite! oh, i got my gloves on. ha ha! i got them! only one match left. oh, no. there's still six hours left until daylight. if we don't get this fire going, we're not going to make it. i'll do it. i'll do it. okay. okay, read the instructions. "close cover before striking." you can finish high school in your spare time. mork. oh, plea--
i saw that in a movie once. hey, you can start the fire with your finger. it only works when it's above 60 degrees. ohh. oh, come on, mindy. we got to keep the circulation going. ? stayin' alive, stayin' alive ? oh, mork, i can't. you got to take the bull by the tentacles. let's go. come on. i can't, mork. i just -- i can't. who am i kidding? i can't walk, either. i'm sorry i got you into this. ever since you've met me, i've been getting you into trouble. oh, mork, don't be silly. i wouldn't trade a minute of the time we've spent together. you know, i remember the first time i saw you. you had your suit on backwards.
i'm just sorry that the last emotion we're sharing is fear. yeah. i guess i am afraid. it's nice to be sharing it, though. i know -- mork, why don't you try to make it down the mountain yourself? what have you got to lose? you. you know, whenever people have the time, they never get around to saying now i really want you to know how i feel. you don't have to. i know how you feel. and i know how you feel. [ vehicle approaches ] you hear something? what? it sounds like a car. you have to have a road to have a car. exidor: ? lady of spain, i adore you ? what's that? it's the future emperor of the world,
i told you to wait in the jeep! we can't just go barging in on them. after all, they've got a life. ah, mork, have any trouble getting in? you have a jeep? yes, about 30 yards away on a fire road. oh, you mean we could have driven up here? sure, but you said you wanted to go for a hike. how did you like the scenic route? we don't make cliffs like that anymore. well, here's the key. have a nice weekend. exidor, mindy hurt her ankle. can you please give us a ride down the hill? sure, if you don't mind the seven of us jammed into one tiny, little jeep. seven people sounds wonderfully warm. but his kind of people don't have much warmth -- zippo. i'm sorry what happened to the cabin.
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here words can mean more than one thing. that's illogical. i know, sir. take, for example, the word "run." "run" can mean this. rivers running. people run down. and men can run stores -- miss fillman, a sale in lingerie. also, the female can get a run in her stockings. [ high-pitched ] oh, no. it all sounds very confusing. but they still manage to communicate. the word "buck" -- they know when to pass it and spend it. how do earth people understand each other? many times they don't. humans find it very difficult to tell each other how they feel about one another until it's too late. pity. they have a strange custom here. people should receive flowers while they're still alive, not after they're gone. for example, sir, i never told you that i like you, and i...i do.
nanu. how'd you know i had the munchies? -- captions by vitac psst! hey, girlie! hey, girlie! yeah, you. girlie? come here. come here? yeah. come here. i want to talk to you. you believe that? aw, come on, lady. what's with this snooty-cutie routine? how much longer you gonna play this game? ain't i been trailing you enough the last couple of hours? well, i'm getting tired of following you around. i'm not about to let you alone,