tv The Late Show With Stephen Colbert CBS February 12, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EST
inspirational. >> jon: yeah, yeah. >> stephen: thanks, everybody. awfully nice, welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. happy martin luther king day, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) happy martin luther king day. happy martin luther king day. did you get me anything? get me anything, jon? >> jon: what's that? anything for martin luther king day? i checked under my martin luther king day tree this morning and there was nothing there. >> jon: i tweeted. >> stephen: you tweeted? did you tweet for martin luther king day? >> jon: yeah, i did. >> jon: i was like, thank you ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's good. keep it simple. keep it simple. >> jon: right, straight to the point. >> stephen: yeah, just like king himself. >> jon: king. >> stephen: you know, speaking of martin luther king...
) i had no transition, i had no proper way to transition from this conversation to that, what is written in there. as we get closer to super bowl 50, every sports fan out there is asking the same question: what's going on with wisconsin high school basketball? a lot. ( laughter ) because the wisconsin inter-scholastic athletic association has now banned high-school students in the stands from chanting things like "air ball!" or anything meant to taunt the other team. i think this is crazy. watching basketball without chanting is like watching baseball without napping. ( laughter ) jon, you have played basketball. you were on the national championship high school team, right? >> jon: yes. >> stephen: you got a ring? you got a ring? did they chant when were you doing basketball? >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: what were some of the-- did you get "air ball"? >> jon: yeah, air ball was one. >> stephen: uh-huh-- uh-huh. >> "brick..."
miss it, miss it." >> stephen: did it really affect you? >> jon: if you practice, then you just put it right in the net. >> stephen: so-- so, no. are you in favor of ending the chanting or keeping the chanting? >> jon: i think you got to keep the chants.game. >> stephen: all right. i agree. that is a national high school champion. ( applause )t, high school is a savage cult and kids will chant. ( laughter ) so i want to give high schoolers some phrases that sound good asot insulting. so instead of "air ball!" try this: >> earl gray.: perfect. now are you just celebrating a delicious breakfast tea, you can't get in trouble for that. but wisconsin also banned this chant. "fun-da-men-tals."ids, just replace that with
>> fondue cheese melts.ing says wisconsin sports like dippable cheese. ( laughter )t stop they also followed up with this tweet: "we would like to clarify that we do not think chanting "u.s.a." is un-sportsman like when it is intended to be theca. however it has come to our attention that this abbreviation has also been used to disguise the phrase "you suck ass." laughter )eemed un- sportsman like." ( cheers and applause ), i don't know about you, but hearing theat phrase laughter ) i believe that is why our founders named it the usa in the first place, to tell king george, "you suck ass!"pplause ) but you know-- you know, you know what doesn't suck ass?
)transition. >> jon: right. >> stephen: that is how you do it. >> jon: right. >> stephen: tonight i will be joinedaton. she stars-- she stars in the hit sitcom "the middle," which is a never watched "the beginning." and then i will talk with legendary music producer quincylemen. ( cheers and applause ) huge. of course, quincy jones produceds "thriller" and can i not wait to hear what he has to say. and also what he has to "mama say mama-sa-mama-coo-sa." and then i will talk to "black lives matter" activist deray mckesson about the legacy of martin luther king. about the legacy of martin be surprised that it goes beyond
we'll also have a musical performance from the singernging a classic quincy jones song. and i hope she asked permission first or this could get awkward. ( band playing )und is from national basketball champion jon batiste and stay human. say hello, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) they're about to kick things off, but before they do, one more thing, walmart has plans to close 269 stores, and this time,. comes patricia heaton. quincy jones.
deray mckesson. and a musical perform by grace. featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert!" ( cheers and applause )o, everybody. hey, hey, jon! hey cowboy. ( cheers and applause )ks, everybody. man, i don't know about you, but i could-- i tell you, folks, i y'all but i could watch those opening credits over and over again. everybody have a good weekend? >> yeah!d a great one,
just ass-deep in robitussin. and i managed to forget thatr presidential debate on sunday night. and this time, it was the democrats. hillary clinton, bernie sanders morton o'muttley? ( laughter ) millton o'mangle.hme muffler-- no, i was so close this weekend to remaining blissfully unaware of this debate. last second, when i was flipping channels between "downton abbey" and "billions," because likewatching rich people suffer. and i'm not the only one who wasn't aware of it.ction, democrats have been hiding. but this was the worst: >> this time we have a sunday night on a holiday weekend. there are nfl football playoffs e on twitter, "downtown abbey" on tonight. >> it's going against "downtown
>> why sunday night? i mean, sunday night is "downtonight is "madame detective" night. >> stephen: yes, last night, america would rather have watched "madame detective," a tvhe record, does not exist. ( laughter ) still, it sounds pretty good. detective." i believe they're going to show the next democratic debate after th fantastic four." so, since you couldn't see it through the romulan cloaking device they threw over theup for. bernie accused hillary of popping champagne with her wall street buddies in the hot tub ofle. hillary said bernie's record on guns means he has innocent blood on his hands that no amount of th can wash off. but the biggest revelation about these candidates did not come out of the debate. in an interview with timers dropped
will shake up this entire race. >> as president, you have tonners, you have to host the white house correspondents dinner. >> let me go on record, you ready for this? you got a scoop, ready for a scoop? here it is. i do not own a tuxedo.n a tuxedo. >> stephen: that's right, never has bernie sanders worn a tuxedo. ever.cause they don't make tuxedos in rumpled tweed. ( laughter ) even-- even at bernie's owne suit with a red tie. he looked like he is running for president of his own marriage. ( laughter )hat truly is going on here. when senator sanders said he has never worn a tuxedo, what hee with the american people, is that he never got to go to prom. i mean he would have worn a tuxedo if he had been to prom.ng. who is more obsessed with
high-school student? ( as bernie sanders )he school will go to the top 1% of the basketball team. making out under the bleachers with the cheerleader should be a rite, not a privilege. got your braces off.our locker manufacturers so that when non- athletic students get shoved inside the locker, they can be opened from the inside. it is a national shame.e equal redistribution. there must be redistricting of cafeteria seats so that everyone has someone to sit with at lunch as well as equal time for conversation topics such as the visionary science fiction of arthur c clarke." ( laughter )ere is only one thing for us to do here. to get bernie into a tux and to give him the closure he needs from high school, we have to askprom.
image available on our website.shop yourself into, of you on a prom date with the theme of the prom, of course, "enchantment under our unfair financial system." ( laughter ) so download the image at colbert late show.com and upload yourh the hashtag berniepromposal. and together as a nation we cannders to prom. if the night goes well, you won't just be feeling the bern, the bern might be feeling you. ( laughter )ack with patricia heaton. ( applause
a bull rider is bold. now, a bull rider on a plane... ...is bolder than bold. and if he jumps from that plane... ...that's bolder than bolder than bold!ile eating... ...a butterfinger bar... ...in all its crispety-crunchety, ...peanut-buttery glory... ...that's bolder than bolder than bolder than bold! and if he eats it... ...even when his mother tells him not to... you'll spoil your dinner! ...that's... ...bolder than bolder than bolder than bolder than bold! bolder than bold.crunchety, peanut-buttery! butterfinger. they say when mr. clean saw all the different things his new smart phone does...
it's not just for marks on walls... it's tough on kitchen grease... and bathroom grime too. he's your...round-tough-cleaner, mr. clean. this turkey is natural? yeah. it's too good to be true. don't say that. it's called the 60 second six pack. it's called the pulsator. (buzzing sound) (groans) finally, something that's not too good to be true. it's oscar mayer natural turkey breast,eat. we brought you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. feels like a bmw. a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. siri, open maps. she gets me. wow. driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is. this is the 2016 chevy malibu.? it starts at twenty-two five. what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology.
>> i'm not eating highway pizza. >> it might not be on the highway. parking lot. >> fingers crossed because parking lot pizza is so much better. >> it might still be in the box. >> this is insane. we are not having that conversation. >> what if it is not in the box but still face up.s. >> frankie, you wouldn't throw $24 out the window and not go back for it. >> tnow? we eat food off the road. we do this, we are losing the one thing that separates us from the po've sunk? >> i feel like we've sunk lower. >> nothing comes to mind, but i know we have.se welcome patricia heaton. ( applause ) >> hi. >> stephen: now that scene has the ring >> stephen: you are a mom of four boys.
so low as to go back for road pizza? >> i have not sunk that low, no.ean up poop poolside at the four seasons. >> stephen: oh, wow, that is very glamorous. >> yeah.tv star. >> i know. well, they didn't have-- you know, the four seasons, theytissue or anything. everything was linen, in the pool side bathroom. >> stephen: it's not your problem,oblem. believe me if i had to clean up poop poolside, i'm asking for silk. i'm trying to class the moment up as much as can i. >> yeah, yeah. >> stephen: well, lovely to meet you. >> thank you. >> stephen: i, one of the things i like about you is that you're a catholic in hollywood. i'm not in hic. >> you are. >> stephen: i mean, i... >> you are more-- who is more catholic than--you challenge me to a catholic throwdown? are you challenging me?
there. this is a picture, hold on. ) where are you in this? where are you? >> i'm right there. >> stephen: okay. >> stephen: does she even know your name? you, the one with the hair. >> stephen: and the teeth and the fingers. >> because my little brother isin, my sister, this sister sharon is now a dominican nun. in full habit. on. i can't compete with that. >> well, you come from a very big family. >> stephen: i come from 11 kids >> stephen: okay, but that is one generation back. you don't. >> right. you guys were modern with the 11 >> and they're like biblical names. >> stephen: you have to have a saint name in there.ia.
>> stephen: exactly. you had to switch it over.o go into transition for you. no, it's good. >> it is good. >> stephen: he got rid of the snake.right. no, but we-- you know, ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: it's all part of the story. part of the story. >> stephen: so you want to out catholic me, girl? >> okay, well, let's see, i have a dominican nun sister. t to quiz me? >> yeah, let's see. how many places did mary appear, name them. do you mean how many places did mary appear? a lot of places. >> nine. >> stephen: nine? >> since her death.death. >> name three, come on. >> stephen: i hate to tell you, kiddo, but mary was assumed bodily into heaven and did notom. called the feast of the assumption.ed, after
>> stephen: now queen of heaven. >> but then she came back and appeared to-- . >> stephen: i know she did metrogoria. >> yes. >> stephen: bob's big boy. ( laughter )uadeloupe. >> and a couple are french but then there is one will you neverw this either. >> jon: i grilled-- . >> stephen: a grilled cheese sandwich in georgia, at the bob's big boy. >> nock.ot know that. >> stephen: i knew that. >> she appeared to a bunch of people in france, kind of all around the same time. were a bunch of french women with nothing to do. >> stephen: right. >> started saying they were-- . >> stephen: and some villages that needed some income.w you, five france seur. very beautiful, go to imagine she is standing there but it was
>> stephen: huh? >> how as a catholic, how do you sell your house faster?bury st. joseph, a statute of st. joseph upside down in your lawn. you do. and i will tell you a story, catholic person i ever knew, she wanted to sell her house, thison in the 90s. she couldn't sell her house, she couldn't move the damn thing, some of she heard about this thing from her marion friends upside down. and she goes i wouldn't do that to st. joseph. so she got a statute put it in the garden and the house didn't sell.he eventually went back out, dug a hole and put it upside down and the household. and she says i feel terrible.e only understands the rough stuff. true story, true story. wow.hing called with the thing with the lines you host the host in that has a
>> demonstrine.: damn, you're really good. >> fill in the blank.blank shall never endure the fires of hell. >> stephen: scapular. wow. don't you come into my house and try to stop me with a scapular.about your tv show. do you enjoy it. >> i enjoy it.roup of people. >> stephen: i heard rich dom works on that show. >> he is wonderful. >> stephen: he is the loveliest fellow. >> did he like working on the show?: yes, i'm going to say, he says you are wonderful. well, "the middle" is on
>> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest next started his career in the b-bop era, took center stage in the 1960s and has of pop culture and civil rights ever since. please welcome quincy jones. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now mr. jones, lovely to see you again. >> what's up? >> stephen: not much, what's up
>> what's not down. >> stephen: now because i metl entitled to call you "q." may i call you q? >> absolutely. >> stephen: how did you get? >> well, i was raised in chicago, i was born in chicago. ( applause ) >> second city. but in the '30s, boy, it was no joke. no joke at all. my mother was taken away in a straight jacket when i was seven, so we were like street rats in chicago. and my father was a carpenter, jones boys, probably the most notorious-- in the history of america. i'm doing a movie on it everyodies, tommy guns, piles of money, liquor, you know, it was unbelievable in the '30s. get to the music again? fascinating story but how does that get to the movie.
>> stephen: okay.than this? >> right, because what happened is in 1941, they made about $120 million, equivalent to $1 billion back then.: what, this gang did. >> it was a black gang, most notorious gangsters in the history of america.e on it. i am!you. i would never challenge you on that. never challenge you on that. >> jones boys. they are unbelievable. and i remember i cut his daughter's hair when i was seven years old, she was five, she asked me to give her a haircut,. he said "you know who her father is?" they looked like sister, unbelievable. >> stephen: back to the music again. lot of color, a lot of local color. >> it was gradual. and so-- . >> stephen: like what was your first instrument. >> so they made-- all that moneyapone ran them out of chicago and sent them through mexico. >> stephen: really?cendant of that gang still there?
granddaughters last week. >> stephen: wow. >> they're beautiful, man, beautiful, elegant people.. >> but he ran them to mexico and my father's best friend was one of the most notorious, took five kill them. they were tough. >> stephen: and.ad now? >> stephen: yeah, okay. so was it a piano? or-- . >> these guys were getting to-- >> stephen: a trumpet.e went out there and we wanted to be baby gangsters. >> stephen: so you wanted to like be made men of your own. >> gangsters. an armory and we heard there was some lemon meringue pie, we knew everything. >> stephen: that sounds like gangster work, my friend.ars old. >> stephen: going for the lemon pie, were you. >> 11:35, right on the dot, ate up all the pie and ice cream, had pie fights. around
the offices, right. >> stephen: yeah.man. >> stephen: it sounds like it. it does not sound like you are "musicians" yet. >> i haven't gotten there yet. >> stephen: i want to warn our affiliates, we might be going long.e ate up all the pie and had fights with it and everything, we went individually to different offices and broke into offices. i went into the supervisor's piano in the corner. >> stephen: piano!well, it was amazing. or and something said "idiot, go back in that room and check that piano out." and i didn't know human beings played instruments, i really didn't. so i went over to that pianoched it. and every cell in my body said this is what you are going to do the rest of your life. >> stephen: wow.
baritone, french horn, trombone,o you can be next the majorettes. >> stephen: so you made all kinds of music. and now you've actually got away, i want to get this out here. way for all of us to hear music a new way. you have this thing, called the a.k.g.n.-90. the quincy jones headphone. and... >> my daughter designed these. >> stephen: okay.o for now-- i understand that they are personalized.out of one ear, laughter ) >> we have another line coming out. >> stephen: another line coming out.. >> stephen: all right. are these available now? >> very shortly.available now, yeah. >> stephen: i've got one here in my hands, one assumes if can i
>> yes, it makes my soul melt. >> stephen: really. >> no, it's nice. we put a lot of work into this, you know. after all this time, you know, you really are fussy about how you listen stuff.d disco and hip-hop in one strata, jazz and classical another one. all you have to do is just click it on. >> stephen: to change the settings. >> and the thing is not what your ear likes. >> stephen: it has an eq in it?e it on the street. we just won first place in c.e.s., you know. >> stephen: congratulations. >> thank you.ow what, there's also nothing like quincy jones on the street. ladies and gentlemen, the great quincy jones.
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) >> good to be here. >> stephen: as i said before, you are one of the leaders of the "black lives matter" movement. though you have moved on to focus on something callednow. >> yes, a conference platform to end police violence. the movement is bigger than any one organization. there are so many people pushing and this is one of the central platforms. >> stephen: you helped organize the protest in ferguson and baltimore.were named for tune magazine's 2015 greatest world leaders list and one of ten people beyonce follows on twitter. that's a lot of pressure. that's a lot of pressure.d more woke than people give her credit for. >> stephen: more what? >> woke. >> stephen: what does woke mean? honest to god, evidently i'm not woke.bracelet one day, you were woke that day. >> stephen: somebody in my would wear a "black lives matter" bracelet.
and you would have thunk i slapped a baby. people got very mad about it.e get so mad about the idea of "black lives matter?" >> because it's an idea as much as a movement.people are uncomfortable talking about the racist history of this country and what we need to do to undo the impact of racism. and people are just like to actegacy of racism here. so i think people get really uncomfortable with it. but we know that we can't change it unless we address it, right? >> stephen: well, some people, and democrats-- ( applause )ates and martin o'malley at first also said all lives matter, in response. >> yeah. >> stephen: what is your reaction to that reaction? >> you know, i we know if all lives matter were true we wouldn't have to be out in the street. the police have killed 26 people just in 2016. so we have so much work to do.ay to avoid talking about the issue of police brutality by getting people to talk about this notion of all lives matter.
brutality, some people's reaction would be this isn't all policeman. bad apples, or are you saying that there is a systemic history offrican- american community or poor communities in general, thatct that it >> it's not just bad apples, it is like a bad batch, right. what we have seen is that acrosses around police violence in communities of color are popping up. >> stephen: sometimes it's african-american officers involved with these. does that change your feeling at all?ause there is the blue coat of silence. when they become police officer there is something about the culture itself that is dangerous in communities across the country.mike brown, across the country it is so similar, it is not these it is a systemic problem. >> stephen: will you admit that
dangerous occupation, that if by police, it is in any way obviated by the fact they pute for the rest of us. >> many dangerous jobs in the country. police have the power to kill people. that means they have a different responsibility and account ability that is not present.y aren't accountable for that. we haven't seen many indictments or convictions across the country and that is not okay. >> stephen: this is a day that we celebrate martin luther king, the greatest hero of the civilfetime. how do you think the civil rights movement as it exists today is different than it was in his time? because it's often looked at aslden age and he was taken from its world still as a young man and is now sort of a person in amber, like it's unchangeable figure. and the tactics of the 1960s,stionable
does the civil rights movement have to change now? >> i think today's interesting because people misremember king today. king, not the radical revolutionary king. >> stephen: what is the radical revolutionary king? >> he talked about redistribution of wealth and economic justice.ssive than the dream that people remember. when you think about, you know, what is different about the civil rights movement now isy, right. the issues that are the same. and we didn't invent resistance. we didn't discover injustice.owed us to amplify these messages in ways we couldn't before and accelerated pace of organizing in ways that are really powerful.ampaign zero"? >> so "campaign zero" is apolice violence. we cover things like police union contracts, use of force, body cameras. and it is we used with hillary, >> stephen: were you at the debate. >> i was in charleston. >> stephen: how did you feel it went? do you think that the candidates up there addressed any of theg for? >> yeah, i think there was
race that we have had at the debate so far, we have an acknowledgment of the issues at systemic issues.out what they plan to do. we heard hillary acknowledge white privilege which she has never done before.lk about systemic injustice. and o'malley, you know, still got some work to do.t be, you can tell me, i might be the whitest person you've ever met. head of african-american studies at harvard, after he took my dna. he had my dna sequenced and he said "you are white, baby, you are the whitest man i've ever met." so i might have the most privilege of any white person you have ever met. how do i ident because if i have a white privilege i want to be able to identify it. give me some hints as to my white privilege. >> you have a show, you have a lot of money. >> stephen: that's true. >> a lot of access. >> stephen: yeah. i have a show, i have a lot of money. >> you do.
sitting here and are you sitting there is part of that white privilege. >> iaccess. and what you can do is extend that privilege so you can dismantle it, right. you can create opportunity foru can amplify issues in ways other people can't. and you can use your resources to create space for people. ( applause ) >> stephen: let's switch seats.e ) >> stephen: so deray, anythingme about being white? >> yeah, i would love to know what you plan to do now that you understand your whiteness a >> stephen: what am i going to do to dismantle white privilege? >> now what that you understand it, what are you going to do-- . >> stephen: i don't know if i do unde acknowledge it. >> let's dialogue. let's think about it.oney, you have a show. ( laughter )
my show. >> why do you think people are uncomfortable talking about race, why are white people uncomfortable talking about race?n't speak for other white people. okay, i feel-- i feel guilty for anyone who does not have the things i have. black people or anyone because i am so blessed that i think there is always the fear it will be taken from you. >> and what can you do to manage >> stephen: i drink a fair laughter ) >> you're great. >> stephen: i mean-- i don'tm the hip here, shooting from the hip here. hi you on the show, does that help at all. >> baby steps, you got to start somewhere.r the conversation. we can't address what we don't talk about. >> stephen: i was at the march on washington, does that help? >> you were at the march on washington? >> stephen: i was, my mom wasnant with me. >> nice. i love it. i love it.
>> that was good. that was good. >> stephen: deray mckesson, ( cheers and applause ) this stuff up. their getaway car. bravo-niner, in pursuit of a toyota prius. over. how hard is it to catch a prius? over.tually pretty fast. over. very funny. oh look, a farmer's market.t some flowers for the car. yeah! holly! places.
ah man, who invited these guys?l if we order some delivery? it' s time for you guys to make the right call. we're having digiorno pizza, tfresh-baked in my own oven. t okay.delivery, it' s digiorno. sfx: cell phone vibrates. yeah? you're okay... he's okay, he made it! jason.. what do you mean? we were very bad boys. alexa: here's the news, "alec baldwin and jason schwartzman were seen mooning paparazzi. baldwin threw his shoe atre making a
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recently we've noticed some ads created by these two birds, inviting you to stay away from the streak free shine of windex.sers these ads are false. sfx: squeaks from window cleaning clean glass is better than dirty glass. don't stand for dirty. use windex. ht you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. feels like a bmw. reminds me a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. siri, open maps.gets me. wow. it also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is.e 2016 chevy malibu. and it sells for?
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preproduction on "the late show" we were also in reproduction. because we wwelcome samuel buckly born to michael buckly and my multitalented producer nicole sevini. i have to say samuel is the greatest thing nicole has ever produced.ntil daniel craig was able to do the whole scene while holding his head upright, get to work. and a few weeks ago we were mathison, son of rebecca and andrew mathison, seen here planning a jewelry heist, evidently. ( laughter ) our crack editors here at the late show, so decker, with andrew as your dad, your home movies will be good enough to air there are plenty of crimes that babies can solve. after all, what is peek-a-boo but an ongoing missing person's case.omed mirastar clark cohen, whose parents are
aaron cohen. writer, in fact, he is the one in charge of writing all my adjectives, without him here on staff, iat word to use. that was his job. luckily, we've hired an adjective temp and i think itpy. of course you will notice that all these children were conceived before we started work on the show. that's not a coinsedense. that was the last time anyone here was able to make physical contact with the loved one. so to all the new col-babies, i would like to offer a piece ofyour lives, when the ball goes behind the couch, don't worry, it still exists. that's it for the late show, everyone. for my friend james corden. good night, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs