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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 17, 2014 11:35pm-12:38am EST

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sponsored by elkin chevrolet. an. and music from nickelback. and now, for your information, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. i want to tell you something
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here. not that every day isn't important, but today is the day that only ten years ago, would have made no sense whatsoever. it's national unfriend day. this is a day i founded five years ago. national unfriend day is a juice cleanse for your facebook page. it's not fun, but you will feel like a new person. you go through the list of facebook friends and say good-bye to people that aren't your friends. you don't have thousands of friends. you can unfriend members of your families too. did anybody do that? one guy. i feel like you're patronizing me. but you still have a few minutes left.
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a lot of people did participate today. posting comments on our facebook page. we asked our viewers to leave comments telling us who they unfriended and why. we got many thousands of responses. missy said, i'm unfriending the friend that became a personal trainer, and now just posts workouts. all i want to do is eat my cookies in peace. courtney said i'm unfriending every middle-age woman that can't tell the difference between it and pinterest. and many said i'm unfriending family members.
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jace said he's unfriending his mother who posted a cure for constipation. it's a personal matter, and ashley said i'm unfriending my mom because she just uses emojis and not words. and juancarlo said i'm unfriending my dad, because i haven't heard from him since i was four, and he started liking my posts. and moses, i'm unfriending my drug dealer because pot in colorado is now legal. and jeremiah, i'm unfriending
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everybody that sends the stupid surveys. i already know what disney princess i am. and kylie said it's sam, because he went through all the of my pictures and commented dog on every picture containing one of my dogs. and christina said, i'm unfriending reuben because i have no idea who the hell he is. reuben is not your friend. i'm proud of those of you that participated. and think of it as restrangering. not unfriending. that's why we do it as a group.
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if you would not invite them to dinner, not a friend. if you would take the stairs to avoid making small talk with them in an elevator, not a friend. get rid of them. there are a lot of annoying people out there. think about yours for a minute. you have someone in mind? i thought it may be fun to give people a chance to put masks on, so they could be totally honest, and tell us who on facebook annoys them the most. we called it "hide and speak." >> wearing a mask, let me know who is your worst facebook friend. >> karen.
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she's so annoying. we don't care that you run five miles a day. >> who is your worst facebook friend. >> my mother. she keeps posting pictures of me in the bathtub. >> recent pictures? >> no, when i was a baby. >> who is your worst facebook friend? >> douglas. he's annoying. posting where we're at when we hang out. if i take the day off, i know i'm going to be on facebook. >> and is he poking you, too? >> he pokes me in different ways. >> what do you mean? >> you can figure it out. >> and posting videos on facebook, you think they're funny. but i don't have time for it.
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>> what do you do for a living? >> i'm not currently working. >> who is your worst facebook friend? >> my cousin. "n." she posts right-wing conservative propaganda. >> give her a piece of your mind. >> stop it! it's so annoying. nobody cares about your crazy propaganda! >> who is your worst facebook friend? >> patricia. posting videos every morning saying good morning. >> that monster. >> dan, i need you to stop posting the conspiracy theories. you're better than that, dan. >> and you've been protected. so you're all set.
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don't believe thinking they tell you. you're all good. thanks. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: cousin sal. meanwhile, facebook is showing no sign whatsoever that they will ever leave us alone. they're developing facebook at work, listen to this. we already have a facebook for people at work, it's called facebo facebook. and matthew mcconnaughey got a star on the walk of fame. he lost 75 pounds for the ceremony. and they made it his day here in hollywood here. there he is getting his star. you look down at the cement.
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unfortunately, the sidewalk does not have spell check. the first three "g"s are silent, i understand. and this woman, with one of the most unusual disorders i've ever heard of. >> one afternoon, she found herself suddenly sexually aroused. within minutes, her legs buckled and she fell, experiencing a series of orgasms. her condition has ruined her relationship with her husband, tony. >> jimmy: he's trying to watch the game. never seen a man more bored by
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that. and charles manson is getting married. he applied for and received a marriage license. he's 80, star is 26 years old. she looks totally normal. oh, wait, then again, maybe not totally normal. star started writing to charles when she was 17. nine years ago, moved from the midwest to live near the prison he is in. she believes he's innocent, which makes one of them, i guess. they have 90 days to get married. i wonder if it is going to be a
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destination marriage. and what did she say to her parents? mom, you know how the media is. what do you register for? toilet paper? and another one for j-date, right? that site is on fire. [ cheers and applause ] this is adorable. guillermo, do you know what j-date is? >> guillermo: no, no idea. >> jimmy: you don't have to get mad about it. >> guillermo: i was thinking about it. >> jimmy: well, a lot of people post videos on youtube of their babies doing cute things. but this one stands out. this boy, playing the drums, with a pantera song. >> you ready to play some pantera?
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here we go! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how good is that? that is, you don't see babies rock that hard that often. so, we tracked wyatt down. we flew him out from kentucky. ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for tonight's edition of can they do it live. wyatt? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. that was very cute. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's quiet wyatt. he has no idea what's going on, i guess, huh? he's very comfortable in front of people. >> more so than his daddy. >> jimmy: have you ever heard of children's music? does he like this kind of music. >> we expose him to all genres
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of music. >> jimmy: and you're his dad, i hope. >> me, too. i hope as well. >> jimmy: and where's mom? dawn is there. she's right there. [ cheers and applause ] are you worried about -- are you worried about all the head banging when there's a soft spot? >> i make sure papa takes care of him. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, john mulaney is here. we have music from nickelback. and we'll be right back with elizabeth banks. in the meantime, one more time for wyatt, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello again, everyone. tonight, a very funny guy, he is
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the star of the show "mulaney" on fox. john mulaney is here. then, their new album just came out today -- it's called "no fixed address." nickelback from the at&t outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, jason bateman, courtney love. and we are going to unveil people magazine's sexiest man alive. the issue comes out at some point in the future. and we're going to announce. do you have any idea, guillermo? >> guillermo: adam levine? >> jimmy: that was last year, they don't do it two years in a row. >> guillermo: no? >> jimmy: and when i ask tomorrow, say the same thing.
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and later this week, jamie foxx, tom verica, tracee ellis ross, one direction, and music from the new basement tapes and jesse j. so join us then. our first guest is an emmy-nominated human being who makes the future fun. she reprises her role as effie trinket in the much-anticipated "the hunger games: mockingjay part one." it opens in theaters friday. please say hello to elizabeth banks. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> all right! >> jimmy: i like your dress. >> thank you. i put 30% of my energy worrying about wardrobe malfunctionmalfu. when i got out of the car, my ass was hanging out.
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>> jimmy: does your lipstick match your dress exactly? >> that's a trick. >> jimmy: how do you figure that out? >> i have people. they all have names. this one is fire engine. >> jimmy: will you wear the same dress to the movie premiere, or will there be a change? >> there will be a change. >> jimmy: is that bad if you have the same dress? >> people magazine, they would put me in. see? these are my worries. [ cheers and applause ] all right then. >> jimmy: i think last time, you were headed to "the hunger
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games" premiere. do they serve food at the premiere? >> yes, despite the name. >> jimmy: did you unfriend anybody on facebook today? >> i got the reminder earlier. but i have a fan page, and i would be rude to unfriend fans. so, i'm not going to unfriend them. >> jimmy: and you're not reading anything they say, let's be honest. >> no, i do. and i have a fake page under a fake name that i will not reveal. but it is very confusing to the people in my life. i use it to check out my high school boyfriend and also to background check my nannies. background check people in my life. once in a while, the family's
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doing something, someone's wedding, or a baby. i'll write something from this totally fake name. and my mom will say, i have a secret admirer on my wall. and i'll say, that's me. it's just from me. who's this person? she'll unfriend me because she forgets it's me under that name. >> jimmy: and you have your own youtube channel as well. who are the questions from that you're answering? >> random fans. >> jimmy: why do you answer their questions? >> it's fun. it's really fun, i love int interacting with people. this guy wanted to know if it's okay to have a micropenis.
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i don't know any of the questions, i just sit down. and one of the people that helps me with website things, most of the questions i don't see beforehand. the answer, it's better to have a bigger penis. [ cheers and applause ] was it you? >> jimmy: i may have sent that one. what's the guy going to do. doesn't sound like he has a choice. >> i totally agree. i empathize. i do. >> jimmy: you have almost no penis at all, i understand. wow. >> you're right. >> jimmy: that's the place for people peopto get the important questions answered. >> and also that i won't adopt
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you. and if you give me your phone number on twitter, i will call, and if you're not there, your brother will not believe me. >> jimmy: how do they know it's really you? >> i don't have a code word, but i'm honest, it's me. >> jimmy: when we come back, we'll talk about your new movie. it's "the hunger games: mockingjay part one." elizabeth banks, we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ two medium cappuccinos!
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everybody think of one incident where katniss genuinely moved you. >> when she volunteered for her sister at the reaping. >> excellent example. okay. volunteered for sister. good. what else? >> when she sang that song. >> oh, yeah, who didn't get choked up. i like you without all that makeup. >> i like you better sober. "the hunger games: mockingjay part one." do you love woody harrelson? he's a lot of fun. >> well, we've been working together for almost four years. which is crazy.
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he's very competitive. he brought this game called settlers of catan to the set. he was like, i didn't have the heart to tell him, i've been playing for four years. >> jimmy: oh, you have? >> what is it, like, are you a shark? i don't want to say i'm a shark. but he wanted to play all the time. he's like this vegan hippy, with this bus, i sat on his bus playing this game with a blanket, a coat, that whole out fit that effie wears.
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>> jimmy: so you did beat him? >> well, many times, had more points. >> jimmy: so, he may challenge your account of these events? >> yes, out of pride. >> jimmy: is it a game of skill? >> yes, and you have to have some luck. but you have to have strategy to win. >> jimmy: he's a very competitive person, though. >> he plays dominos, and i didn't lose a lot of money to him. >> jimmy: you didn't gamble with him. how old are your children? >> 2 and 3. >> jimmy: they can't do anything, and yet they can do everything, right? >> right, we're just getting them out of the strollers.
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we went to legoland. putting off disney. the last time i went to disney world -- is it land here? disneyland, my new phone was broken by goofy. he has these giant, white hands. the paws. >> jimmy: four fingers. >> he comes over, we do the pose with my phone. my friend hands the phone back, and his giant hand smashes my phone. smashes into a million pieces. i was like -- goofy! and this was his reaction, they're not allowed to talk. he was like -- [ cheers and applause ] for real?
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like -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hard to apologize when you're goofy. >> i hope the person inside was a little upset. >> jimmy: i'm sure they were in tears. good luck with your movie. it's "the hunger games: mockingjay part one." elizabeth banks, everybody. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ double wings, extra ranch. we need to do something different. callahan's? ehh, i mean get away. like away away. road trip? double wings, extra ranch. it feels good to mix it up. the all-new, fuel-efficient volkswagen golf tdi clean diesel. up to 594 miles of adventure in every tank.
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♪ in winter it's a marshmallow world! ♪ my grandkids bought this nest learning thermostat. programs itself... connects to their precious phones. i don't like it. being cold builds character. walking back and forth to the thermostat builds leg muscles. when the internets come to life and all these gizmos turn on us, these kids won't be able to run away on those shriveled little calves.
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will they love their nest thermostat then? i don't think so. the nest learning thermostat. welcome to a more thoughtful home. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for coming. nickelback and john mulaney. my trusty security guard guillermo is always by my side during the show, but that's only one hour out of the day. i often wonder what he does with the rest of his time here at work, so i bought guillermo an early holiday gift, this sharper image hd action cam. i had him wear this on his head all day to give me a guillermo's eye view of exactly what is going on. ♪ >> guillermo: hey, brandon. what's going on? >> just having some breakfast. >> guillermo: that's my favorite meal of the morning.
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i'm hungry. very, very hungry. this is going to be good! now, what? maybe some music? yeah. and i will get some holiday shopping done. ducky. oh. this music made me very sleepy. i'm late! oh, no! oh, no! please, no! no! >> guillermo, you almost missed lunch. >> guillermo: i know, that was scary. oh, i want some of this. yummy. oh, the music again? >> guillermo it's showtime!
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>> guillermo: oh, no! i'm going to be late! [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: thanks, sharper image! oh, no! >> sharper image, gift right. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with john mulaney. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [car revving] [car revving] ♪ ♪ [car revving] introducing the first ever 306 horsepower
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a very funny guy, and he has his own tv show to prove it. watch him alongside martin short on "mulaney," which is moving to sunday nights at 7:30 on fox. please say hello to john mulaney. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: good to see you. >> good to see you, too. >> jimmy: are you on facebook? did you participate on national unfriend day?
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>> i am on facebook, i'm a big supporter of your national unfriend day. >> jimmy: how can you say that. >> i'm not in a position to get rid of people. i like facebook. twitter, 140 characters, you put your best face forward. facebook, it's not like that. just no one comes off well. >> jimmy: i haven't seen you since your show went on the air. congratulations on that. >> thanks. >> jimmy: are you enjoying that? are you thriving in this environment? >> i am so thriving, it's ridiculo ridiculous. i have is this show called
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"mulaney." i love making it, it's come out, and it's been interesting. >> jimmy: why do you say it's been interesting? >> well, the ratings have not been good. but luckily, the reviews have also not been good. so, we're niche. >> jimmy: you have a very specific audience. >> a very small, but disloyal following. >> jimmy: does that bother you? >> no, my friend, one of the writers on the show, dan. he said i read a review, you can't take it personally. but it was, mulaney sucks. and i just got married, and she took my name. going to go back to her maiden
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name. >> jimmy: well, as far as your close family and friends, are they supportive of your show? >> well, my family is. >> jimmy: i would hope so. >> they've been very supportive, but they know everything that happens, because they have the internet and such. i wish i was an adult back in the '20s when you would visit your parents, and they were just old in bed. and like mom, i'm a big shot. i run a department store. back when parents were old. now, they're young, and look like peter gallagher. i went back to do standup in chicago last wednesday. it's where i'm from.
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and i went back home, and my mom was like, i'm sorry about the time slot move. she has a google alert for me. she said, i only read the first line. i was like, that's the mean part. it's not like "gone girl," where there's a twist at the end. >> jimmy: i read one particular review, i think on grantland, that was a good review. >> oh, thanks. >> jimmy: so, you're exaggerating for comic effect. >> right, there's been some very nice pieces. and it's a good thing to make something you love and are proud of, and have people dislike it, and still be proud of it.
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that's a very good feeling. >> jimmy: that's how my parent feel about me. and you're going to be playing carnegie hall. which is a big deal. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you too young to realize that's a big thing. >> i realize it's a thing. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a thing. >> is it like classical music? >> jimmy: sometimes. >> well, you walk by it. and that's carnegie hall. >> jimmy: right, and the joke, how do you get to carnegie hall. i think you're do down on yourself. and first of all, they cancel the show when it's not doing well. and secondly, a million good
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shows, there was a rough go at the beginning, and it comes back, and it's a big deal. >> people keep telling me that. you know, "carolin"caroline in " struggled for months. or my dad, harry truman struggled for six months as president. >> jimmy: well, things seem to be going perfectly fine for you. i met your wife, she's very nice. you know what, i think what we do, start over, start fresh. if you've not seen the show, don't listen to people that write reviews. their job is to watch television.
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♪this holiday season, my good friend gave to me♪
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♪7 powerball tickets ♪6 match 6 chances ♪5 cash 5s ♪4 big 4s ♪3 daily numbers ♪2 mega millions (joe) happy holidays, rita. (rita) thanks, joe! (man) what a great gift! (announcer) pennsylvania lottery tickets make great gifts, like the new $1 million peppermint payout. (joe) happy holidays! ♪and best wishes from the lottery♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'd like to thank elizabeth banks, john mulaney, apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, their new album, "no fixed address" just came out today, here with the song "what are you waiting for?" -- nickelback. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ are you waiting on a lightning strike are you waiting for the perfect night ♪ ♪ are you waiting 'til the time is right what are you waiting for ♪
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♪ don't you wanna learn to deal with fear don't you wanna take the wheel and steer ♪ ♪ don't you wait another minute here what are you waiting for what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you gotta go and reach for the top believe in every dream that you got ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you know you gotta give it your all and don't you be afraid if you fall ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ are you waiting for the right excuse are you waiting for a sign to choose ♪ ♪ while you're waiting it's the time you lose what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ don't you wanna spread your wings and fly don't you really wanna live your life ♪ ♪ don't you wanna
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love before you die what are you waiting for what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you gotta go and reach for the top believe in every dream that you got ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you know you gotta give it your all and don't you be afraid if you fall ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ show me what you're aiming for what you gonna save it for ♪ ♪ so what you really waiting for tell me what you're waiting for ♪ ♪ show me what you're aiming for what you gonna save it for ♪ ♪ so what you really waiting for everybody's gonna make mistakes ♪
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♪ but everybody's got a choice to make everybody needs a leap of faith ♪ ♪ when are you taking yours what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you gotta go and reach for the top believe in every dream that you got ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you know you gotta give it your all and don't you be afraid if you fall ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you gotta go and reach for the top what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ believe in every dream that you got what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you know you gotta give it your all what are you, what are you waiting for ♪ ♪ you're only living once so tell me what are you, what are you waiting for ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ coming off the pack ♪ you would say that i ♪ you know that you are free you
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know ♪ ♪ you know everybody knows ♪ just give it you got the trouble we're in ♪ ♪ head between my knees you're breathing ♪ ♪ you know nothing ends
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this is "nightline." tonight, cosby controversy. now, yet another woman accusing bill cosby of sexual abuse. as the allegations keep coming, what happens to him now? plus, keeping up with kendall. she's not just another kardashian. she reveals why she's not afraid to go nude, and why she asked kim not to go to her show. and single ladies. maybe beyonce


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