Skip to main content

tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  December 6, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EST

12:35 am
♪ when the going gets rough we are one now and forever we are one name one life, one flame ♪ ♪ we are one heartbeat in the darkness we are one lasting prayer ♪ ♪ one lasting prayer oh yeah oh yeah we are one ♪ ♪ unbroken promise and we are two true believers ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: darius rucker! good job, buddy. welcome back.
12:36 am
good to see you. >> thank you. >> jay: i want to thank my guests don johnson, julia scardina, and darius rucker. jimmy fallon happening right now. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
12:37 am
>> jimmy: oh. that's what i'm talking about. that's a beautiful crowd right there. i feel the love. great new york city crowd. oh, my gosh. welcome, everybody. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. [ cheers ] we have a fun show tonight. really funny people. really talented people on the show tonight. big news, you guys. mcdonald's just announced that it's bringing back the mcrib later this month. [ cheers and applause ] or, as the mayans put it, "hey, we tried to warn you." [ laughter ] this is exciting. barbara walters has released part of her "most fascinating people" list. and this year hillary clinton and honey boo boo are both on it. [ laughter ] >> of course. >> jimmy: that's right. the woman who may soon be president -- and hillary clinton. [ laughter ] >> got my vote. >> jimmy: she gives her speech like that. [ laughter ]
12:38 am
everybody's still talking about prince william and kate middleton's baby announcement. and get this. using the faces of the royal family, a forensic artist has created an image of what the royal baby might look like. we have it right here. take a look. [ laughter ] that's interesting. looks like grandpa. >> lot of hair for a baby. >> jimmy: lot of hair. good head of hair. here's a local story. yesterday, mayor michael bloomberg announced that new york will hold a contest to redesign the city's payphones. yeah. top prize -- a brand new walkman. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] a walkman. >> anybody want a quarter? >> jimmy: 1-800-c-o-l -- this is kind of scary, you guys. anderson cooper -- he's fine now, but he said that while filming a segment for "60 minutes" -- you hear about this? he got a sunburn on his eyeball and was temporarily blind. either that, or anderson cooper is terrible at faking a sick
12:39 am
day. "oh, yeah, i got a sunburn on my eyeball, so i can't make it to work. bye." last night was the big "victoria's secret fashion show" over at cbs, or as husbands call it, "oh, hey, honey, i was just looking for the lifetime channel. meredith baxter birney." more tv news. disney just lost its case against the company that produces "who wants to be a millionaire?" even more embarrassing, they lost it on the easiest question. [ light laughter ] you guys hear about this? in a new interview, mike tyson says in 1998, he found brad pitt in bed with his ex-wife, robin givens. of course, pitt has evidence to refute that. the fact that he still has both ears. [ laughter ] this never happened. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and finally, pizza hut in canada is releasing 100 bottles of limited edition pizza hut perfume.
12:40 am
[ light laughter ] yeah. it's the perfect way to tell that special someone in your life, "i'm probly high right now." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so long i hate to see you go but i'll save my tears for later on down the road ♪ ♪ how come i keep i holding on knowing you won't be coming home ♪ ♪ won't be coming home ♪ [ cheers and applause ] that is the grammy-winning -- the legendary guitarist, robert cray sitting in with the roots tonight. [ cheers and applause ] honored to have you here, buddy. here's his new album, "nothin' but love."
12:41 am
get this. in april, i'm going to definitely be at this one. he's going to be joining b.b. king, jeff beck and eric clapton at the crossroads special at madison square garden right here in new york. that sounds amazing. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's killer. >> it'll be a lot of fun. >> jimmy: do you guys just get together and just, like, jam out and see who's more talented? >> no, we don't do that, but we do get to jam out at the end. >> jimmy: you do. >> so it's a lot of fun. >> jimmy: gosh, i cannot wait to go. hopefully, i can get tickets. [ laughter ] anyways, thanks for being here, buddy. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we got a -- [ cheers and applause ] he's a good man. we've got a big show tonight. very, very funny show. he's the greatest. one of our good, good pals. he's a little crazy. from "30 rock," tracy morgan is joining us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] crazy in a good way. we also have this guy, who is probably one of the funniest comedians ever to live on the face of the earth. he's very neurotic. there was something wrong backstage. >> was it really? >> jimmy: he was pacing back and forth. he's doomed. i'm doomed.
12:42 am
he's currently in the middle of his "tracks of my fears" comedy tour. from "curb your enthusiasm," the very funny richard lewis is here! [ cheers and applause ] my man. he's funny already. oh, my gosh. he is a critically-acclaimed chef, author and host of the food network. a host on the food network. doesn't host the food network. >> on the whole network. >> jimmy: that's a good idea for a show, though. >> it is. >> jimmy: yeah, i said it first. here with his latest cookbook, called "fresh," tyler florence is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] he'll be making something. a talented guy. hey, guys, raise your hand if you're either a man or a woman. [ cheers ] great. me, too. and you know, one thing i've really noticed lately is that men and women are totally different. they almost never see eye to eye. in fact, sometimes they can be in the exact same situation and be thinking two totally different things. what kind of things are men and women thinking? let's find out together in a segment we call "he said, she said."
12:43 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now, you guys might not realize this, but i have a real knack for telling what's on people's minds. i don't like to brag about it, but i'm kind of psychic that way. like, for example -- take a look at this. here we see a man and a woman spending time outdoors. they're having a rest, taking a drink there. you can tell by looking that this man, he's thinking, "this water will get me through the rest of the hike." the woman's thinking something very different. she's thinking, "this vodka will get me through the rest of this date." [ laughter ] two people, very different viewpoints. here's another example. an older couple. posing for a photo, enjoying their golden years together. i can tell that she's thinking, "after all of these years, we still have fun together." and he's thinking, "after all these years, we still get mistaken for frodo and gandalf." [ laughter and applause ] >> it's a good time for them. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah.
12:44 am
let's keep going. oh, this is precious. a couple getting their house ready for christmas. she's thinking, "i wonder if we have enough decorations." he's thinking, "i wonder if 'hoarders' does wreath-related episodes." [ laughter ] i'd watch that. >> i would. >> jimmy: here's another one here. this is a man helping a woman exercise. nice. he's thinking, "this is supposed to stretch your calves." she's thinking, "this is supposed to be a dentist appointment." [ laughter ] you gotta watch. [ applause ] go online and make sure they're good -- let's see another one here. oh, yeah. here's a young couple on the couch together. they're both under the weather. she's thinking, "no fun having a cold." he's thinking, "it's so fun huffing paint thinner." here -- look at this. you see a lady crawling on top of a table towards a guy. it looks intense. she's thinking, "are you thinking what i'm thinking?"
12:45 am
and he's thinking, "yes, we both need chairs." [ laughter ] very important. >> very uncomfortable. >> jimmy: standing. moving on, here's a husband and wife dressed for a fancy occasion. she's thinking, "i feel like i've known you forever." and he's thinking, "i feel like we're in a made-for-tv movie about hugh grant and j. lo. [ laughter ] i would see that movie. >> i would, too. >> jimmy: another good one. let's do another one here. here's an older couple snuggling in bed. she's thinking, "50 years later, and we still make love." and he's thinking, "yeah, the only difference is now it's now totally gross." [ laughter ] get the image -- just get the image out. moving on here. here's a couple nervously looking at their laptop together. she's thinking, "i can't watch. i'm too nervous." and he's thinking, "i never thought watching the domino's pizza tracker could be this intense." [ laughter ] it's been put in the oven. doug put it in. >> doug put it in the oven.
12:46 am
>> jimmy: here's the last one here. a couple posing in their workout attire. both in very, very good shape there. he's thinking, "we're james and robin. we'll get you in shape." she's thinking, "i'm james." [ laughter ] that's all the "he said, she said" we had time for. stick around. we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ classical music playing ♪ classical music playing ♪ classical music playing
12:47 am
turn your world upside down with gillette fusion proglide because you can shave against the grain with comfort with our thinnest blades. our most comfortable shave or twice your money back. gillette, the best a man can get.
12:48 am
othank you, mr. speaker, uh, members of congress. in celebration of over 75 years of our government employees insurance company, or geico...as most of you know members it.congress. ...i propose savings for everyone! i'm talking hundreds here... and furthermore.. newscaster:breaking news. the gecko is demanding free pudding. and political parties that are actual parties!? with cake! and presents! ah, that was good. too bad nobody could hear me. geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.
12:49 am
plays a key role throughout our lives. one a day men's 50+ is a complete multivitamin designed for men's health concerns as we age. it has 7 antioxidants to support cell health. one a day men's 50+. [ coughs ] [ baby crying ] ♪ [ male announcer ] robitussin® liquid formula soothes your throat on contact and the active ingredient relieves your cough. robitussin®. don't suffer the coughequences™. and the active ingredient relieves your cough. santho, ho, ho!anta! santa! want to see some magic? watch this! merry chr... (crash) ow! i landed on my keys. did you get that? oh yeah. that was amazing. here you go. that was a fun trick! see? santa's okay. walk it off santa. nicely done. share videos instantly with s-beam. on the galaxy siii and note ii. available at best buy and best buy mobile stores.
12:50 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, here with their own reading of "twas the night before christmas," jimmy fallon and tracy morgan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: twas the night before christmas, when all through the house.
12:51 am
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. >> i hate that mouse. always hear him walk around with his little nails scratching against my kitchen floor. i got brand-new floors, jim, from france. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that saint nicholas soon would be there. >> when that dude going to show up? i've been waiting up all night for him. santa claus is late. >> jimmy: children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugarplums danced in their heads. >> sugarplums? you definitely don't got kids. i got three kids, they want a wii u, an xbox, coleco vision, call of duty. not one of them asked me for those sugarplums, by the way, i know a pimp named sugarplum. [ laughter ]
12:52 am
>> jimmy: when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter. i sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. >> it's tempur-pedic bed, too. you know the ones where the commercial drops the bowling ball on the bed? but, the wine glass never spills over? which is good because my favorite thing to do in bed is bowling and drinking red wine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. >> eight tiny reindeer. ha-ha! that's hilarious! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: with a little old driver so lively and quick, i knew in a moment, he must be saint nick. now dasher, now dancer, now prancer and vixen. on comet and cupid and donner and blitzen. >> i like to call them by their nicknames scooter, porkchop, captain freak, dj downey
12:53 am
mcfresh, bonzai, mr. dimples, bacon, and joe frazier. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: as i drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney saint nicholas came with a bound. >> chimneys are like brick house penises. that's a poem i wrote. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he had a broad face and a little round belly, that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. >> but i don't know what he's laughing about, there's nothing funny about obesity. -- show those two fat motorcycle guys from the guinness book of world records, those guys are funny.
12:54 am
can we see a picture of them? [ laughter ] thanks, dave! >> jimmy: he sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle. away they all flew like down of a thistle. i heard him exclaim ere he drew out of sight. >> happy christmas to all, and to all, a good night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] those who look to fuel body and mind with the simplest of grains, they are not hard to find. just four ingredients, it all starts here. just as it was back 100 years. from the seed to the spoon, simple things go into every flake, every bite,
12:55 am
genuine, true. the simple grains cereals from kellogg's. start simple. start right. troy polamalu's going deeper. ♪ and so is head & shoulders deep clean. [ male announcer ] with 7 benefits it goes deep to remove grease, gunk, and flakes. deep. like me. [ male announcer ] head & shoulders deep clean for men. ♪ [music] "dance of the sugar plum fairies" ♪
12:56 am
12:57 am
12:58 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know our first guest tonight from his great run on "saturday night live," numerous feature films, and of course his work on "30 rock," which has earned 90 emmy nominations. it's currently in its final season, airing at 8:00 p.m. on thursday nights here on nbc. here's a clip from a recent episode. check this out. [ whistling ] >> kenneth, why are you mopping the floor so angrily?
12:59 am
>> you know exactly why, sir! first miss lemon fired my girlfriend and now she broke up with me. mr. jordan, do you know why i love television so much? >> because despite cell phones, ipads and computers, it's still the most effective portal for poltergeists? >> jimmy: please welcome to the show, the one and only tracy morgan! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: unbelievable. >> the roots, they bad, man. >> jimmy: the roots are unbelievable. >> somebody over there can sing. somebody can bobble. >> jimmy: it's called bobbling? >> eddie payne said that. what was his name from the five heartbeats?
1:00 am
>> eddie cain. dang. >> jimmy: when you -- >> white people don't know who eddie cain is. they like what's that? >> jimmy: i hate to get in deep with you right off the bat. i want to get a little deep. the last time i saw you, we were in indianapolis and you told everyone that tony dorsett was your biological father. >> my aunt had told me that but we found out it wasn't. douglas fairbanks. but i'm a descendant. i'm hollywood royalty. descendant of the great lawrence olivier. >> jimmy: you were a descendant somehow -- >> i'm a descendant. yeah. my uncle chuck heston told me that. 'cause i was raised on set of "the planet of the apes" you know? and he's not prepared to die. doesn't that make you misty? quit writing them. i'm telling you to quit writing them. hey, look, i'm not a halfway -- with bad looks. [ light laughter ]
1:01 am
>> jimmy: of the mass? >> huh? >> jimmy: when those apes talked to the masks. >> well, he said, "what do you think we'll find out there doctor?" the doctor zaius said, "his destiny." you love that stuff! ♪ you love that stuff! [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: so you never got to know your biological father. that's a bummer. >> yeah, i got to meet him recently. >> jimmy: you did? >> yeah. herschel walker. i found out it was herschel walker. >> jimmy: it was herschel walker? >> yeah, from georgia. >> jimmy: that's good that you -- >> i could have been a big running back. >> jimmy: yeah. you could have been. >> my aunt said, "herschel walker, ain't no dude -- herschel walker your daddy." >> jimmy: she just told you that recently? >> she told me that last night. >> jimmy: last night. that's a shocking thing. well, i appreciate you making it to the show and coming on and doing the nice holiday -- >> that was sweet. that was sweet like bear meat.
1:02 am
>> jimmy: thank you. sweet like bear meat. >> sweet like alligator meat. >> jimmy: how's the holiday shopping going for you? you going shopping? >> i got trampled on black friday. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so sorry. >> i got trampled, how about that, you know? i got trampled, man, that's the way to go. wouldn't you be mad? >> jimmy: on black friday. >> i get -- yeah. i shop safe on white tuesdays or something. >> jimmy: i don't know if there is a white tuesday. >> you don't know to go out on emphatic thursdays. you don't want that. you lose all your goods. >> jimmy: can we talk about this. this is kind of -- >> that's in my dining room at my crib. >> jimmy: you got a painting made that looks almost like the last supper. but are these comedians who influenced you? >> yeah. those are the great ones. that's the reason i do stand-up comedy because it's in the spirit of those guys. i see my boy, tyrese, he had a
1:03 am
mural in his house of all the great things and marvin gaye was jesus, but i have jackie gleason right here. robin harris right here. sam kinison right here. that's -- >> jimmy: lenny bruce. >> lenny bruce. this is charlie chaplin, moms mabley, richard pryor, lucille ball up there. bernie mack and nipsey russell, red foxx, freddie prinze, pygmy martin and flip wilsion. bernie mack and nipsey russell look like cousins or brothers. >> jimmy: they kind of have the same face. >> there's only one guy they didn't put up there that -- i want to get a redone and that's you know, the seven words? >> jimmy: the seven words? >> little trivia right there. who did that? >> jimmy: george carlin. >> all right, then. >> jimmy: why isn't he up there? >> because i was trying to get everybody. but george carlin did the seven words and that's really big. >> jimmy: george carlin. >> carlin. yeah. that's what i said. wow, correcting me on national tv. i want to get -- >> jimmy: george curlin? >> yeah.
1:04 am
i said garlin. yeah, i think he worked for ringling barnum. >> jimmy: ringling barnum? >> the greatest show on earth. >> jimmy: all right. >> this mic pack is killing me. i feel like a reality tv star you know. mic check on their bra or something, right? that ain't reality. real stars don't do that. steve mcqueen never did that. >> jimmy: no he did not. >> my biological uncle. stevie queen. we used to call him stevie queen. he's the one that sang -- ♪ we are the champions right? >> jimmy: that's not steve mcqueen. >> that's not steve mcqueen. >> jimmy: no. >> who is that? >> jimmy: that's queen. >> i thought i knew top 40. >> jimmy: you don't know top 40. >> i know top 40. ♪ we are the champions >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. you love music. i know you can sing. >> i love music. my daddy was a singer. my father was a singer. >> jimmy: herschel walker was a singer? >> no. my sister told me that herschel walker is not your daddy. eddie kendrick is your daddy. we thought it was david ruffin. but, that's what i thought all
1:05 am
the black women when i'm trying to talk to them. you know, david ruffin is my father. because old black women love david ruffin. oh, david. temptations were nothing without david ruffin. everybody topping you, otis. >> jimmy: you said you -- i remember you saying this to me. you said "jimmy --" -- you said, "jim, i have a dream dream i would love to play drums with the roots." >> yeah. >> jimmy: but you're not a drummer? >> i'm not a drummer. i want to get my hands on that tuba. i think i get a good set -- on the street. [ laughter ] christmas time too. oh, christmas time is crazy in the hood. yesterday this crack head tried to sell me a fire escape. a whole fire escape. he had a pink huffy bike with it. >> jimmy: -- the fire. i know exactly what you're talking about. i know you can sing.
1:06 am
would you like to sing with the roots? >> yes. i had a, i had two wishes in my life. one was to be sitting on the back of that couch in the studio when michael jackson did "lady of my life." and the other was the cover of el debarge. you know what i'm saying "all this love." >> jimmy: you want to cover el debarge? >> it's never been done in the history of music. cover el debarge. that's career suicide. if you cover el, you better do it right. >> jimmy: would you like to cover el debarge? >> can i cover el? ask the roots. can i cover? >> jimmy: roots? [ cheers ] tracy morgan, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i had some problems [ cheers ] and no one could seem to solve them but you found the answer ♪ ♪ you told me to take this chance
1:07 am
and learn the ways of love, ♪ ♪ my baby and it's all i have to offer in time you will see ♪ ♪ that love won't let you down and all this love is waiting for you ♪ ♪ my baby my darling and all this love is waiting for you ♪ ♪ oh, i love how you make me feel this way my love is getting stronger every day ♪ ♪ my baby after all i went and put myself through i found that all i ♪ ♪ really needed was you
1:08 am
say you really love me, baby say you really love me, darlin' 'cause i really ♪ ♪ love you baby all my love is waiting for you ♪ >> thank you! [ cheers and applause ] merry christmas, that's my present to the lady's in the world. that's for you. i sang to you. >> jimmy: tracy morgan that was beautiful! >> sexual chocolate! >> jimmy: sexual chocolate. that's ridiculous. [ talking over each other ] [ male announcer ] red lobster's crabfest ends soon.
1:09 am
hurry in and try five succulent entrees, like our tender snow crab paired with savory garlic shrimp. just $12.99. come into red lobster and sea food differently. and introducing 7 lunch choices for just $7.99. but that doesn't happen much anymore. the creative process never stops. and songwriting is so hard, but i love it. these days, i guess i just don't want to miss a thing.
1:10 am
[ laughs ] i miss you guys. that's me. and this is my windows phone. [ male announcer ] new windows phone. reinvented around you. ♪ because it helps you keep doing what you love. no wonder it's america's #1 selling pain reliever. you took action, you took advil®. and we thank you. turn your world upside down with gillette fusion proglide because you can shave against the grain with comfort with our thinnest blades. our most comfortable shave or twice your money back. gillette, the best a man can get.
1:11 am
1:12 am
cheese plate? cheese plate...nope. i made something better. ♪ you used the oven? boom ♪ [ male announcer ] pillsbury crescents. let the making begin. here's a better idea. pillsbury grands! flaky layers biscuits in just 15 minutes the light delicate layers add a layer of warmth to your next dinner. pillsbury grands biscuits let the making begin.
1:13 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a talented comedian and actor, he's currently in the middle of his "tracks of my fears" comedy tour, which has upcoming shows in new york, san francisco, los angeles and phoenix. please welcome richard lewis.
1:14 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, oh. >> jimmy: fantastic. >> that's insane and cray >> jimmy: and robert cray >> and he's singing lead. >> jimmy: he's tracy morgan. he's crazy. >> he was training seals backstage. he does everything. >> jimmy: he does a lot. >> he does everything. he can do anything he wants. >> jimmy: he was training seals backstage. >> why, he does everything. >> jimmy: he does. he's a very talented guy. thank you for coming on the show. >> and i wasn't mocking your dressing room. honest, it looked like boris karloff's crypt otherwise it was weird. people don't know it you have to bring the camera back there have you ever shown it? >> jimmy: no one has ever seen our dressing rooms. but they're beautiful. >> they're gorgeous. >> jimmy: very ornate, yeah. >> no, no. i don't want to put down the person who did it, but there's a bowl with teeth floating in it, a guy was hanging in the closet. the whole thing was scary. but anyway, anyway it's great to be here. if i wasn't on your show, i would have lost my entire family. my nephews, my relatives, my children, i mean they worship you.
1:15 am
they go, how come you're not on "fallon"? i go -- [ cheers ] you know, i'm not mocking you but it's like -- thank you for having me. >> jimmy: i love -- of course, i told you back stage -- >> are you going to mock me again? >> jimmy: i'm not mocking you again. >> look how i'm dressed, i'm dressed in 8 straight jackets. but you're going to mock me. >> jimmy: now, you're in caroline's right now, right? this weekend? yeah, i'm in 7 cities. this week as part of this i'm in new york here, then i go to san francisco. >> jimmy: how long have you been doing stand-up? >> 43 years this month. yeah. >> jimmy: 43 years. can you believe that? [ applause ] it went so fast. do you believe that? does that make sense at all to you? >> i'm an idiot. there's nothing else i can do. i'm a total moron and a hoax. >> jimmy: no, come on. >> no, no. and i love doing it. i mean there's nothing, it's probably the happiest time of my life being on that stage. you know, the world is so troubled. we all know this. when people are laughing and you're responsible if they are. then it's cool. i mean, you can have a bad audience. i do believe that -- i hate when people say there's no such thing as a bad audience. you've heard that.
1:16 am
>> jimmy: yeah. exactly. >> i'm not going to do well at a kkk rally. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: you won't be. you won't do well. no, no, no. >> i'd suck at a kkk rally. >> jimmy: you would not be good at a kkk rally. >> no. and then see, you know, hood vending machines in the bathroom. so, this is a much better audience. >> jimmy: but you're happily married now, right? >> well happily married is a -- let's put it this way, i got married in my 50s. you got married in your 30s? what, 20s or 30s? >> jimmy: 30s. >> i got married to joyce, which is one of the worst -- look, i love joyce. it's, she hates the name. it's not a hot name. >> jimmy: the name joyce. >> we still have sex, i'm fairly good in bed when i'm not in the hospital. but you say take me, joyce, we laugh and then we start playing gin and rummy, you can't say "take me, joyce" without thinking you're with your grandmother. my wife is gorgeous, but she's much closer to my age. here's the deal, i had a lot of
1:17 am
problems, well documented that i'm a recovered addict now for a long, long time now. i wouldn't have been a good husband, anyway. but i was with some really nut cases. i mean -- and half my age. and i couldn't take it any more. i mean, it got to the point, you know, when you're with women who have parties like come be bitter between 8:00 and 11:00. always just so angry and -- so i finally found someone who was a knew more about my life, you know, my experiences, i could mention names and movies they would have seen. i drew the line at "dog day afternoon." if someone was born after "dog day afternoon" forget about it. there's no way. but my wife cares about me. but the bad thing about joyce, other than her name, sexually is that -- [ laughter ] she has a positive attitude. and i can't work on positivity. >> jimmy: i understand that, richard. >> i was doing this gig in florida with jeff garlin, and i got undressed, i took a shower.
1:18 am
i usually try to keep my clothes on while i have intercourse too by the way which is a whole other issue. my body is falling apart. >> jimmy: that's awful. >> it's a religious thing too. not really, i came in naked the other night and my joyce has a great body. i ran in and put the lights off and she put them on and she's very funny and then she started pointing at my behind. because -- i haven't looked at my behind in 30 years. i looked in one of those three-way mirrors, it looked like the appalachian mountains, it's unbelievable and my wife has to sleep with this? she started pointing like scrooge seeing his grave, i swear to god. and she stood up, jimmy. she stood up and she went, you should see what i see. to my ass. >> jimmy: why is she doing this? >> and i'm supposed to have, you know. but she's mature. i mean, the ex-girlfriend, the young one, i broke up with a girl who was 24 and she called me, she wanted to return her orgasms for three years. [ laughter ] >> but the thing that really -- i got to just share this with you, is i love music, it's been my mantra, for me. rock and roll.
1:19 am
and i love great classical and great jazz. >> jimmy: who do you like? >> the greats. i'm a classic rock guy, i can't get out of that head. and when you do your stuff, here's the thing that trips me out. is that when you know when i was a kid, growing up with the stones, i'm not a name-dropper, or anything. you know everybody now. when bruce comes on, everybody -- it must be a trip. >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. >> it's unbelievable. so i, i've got, when bands start when they're eight years old. they're in a band. i'm getting bar mitzvahed at 13 years. so you know, it takes them 25 years for them to catch up with who i am. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> if you're lucky and you make it. okay. so, i got to meet all of these people. so, the one show -- one night -- and i'm really close friends with ronnie woods. 25 years. >> jimmy: legendary. >> so he invited me to stay within the dressing room. dig this, in the small venue where the stones are great. 2,000 people. just the stones. and keith, who i can't do it, i got no idea what you're talking about. he's naked, scars all over him. i have no idea. i love him.
1:20 am
he adores comedy by the way. he's a genius. he loves comedy. and i love keith. but anyway, i'm there and he's not a junkie any more. but he was the most legendary junkie in the history of the world, right? >> jimmy: of course. >> so, i'm standing there and i reach, even the stones have crappy platters. you think it's only comedians. the stones. >> jimmy: the vegetables -- >> the stones -- the crap would -- praying mantis having intercourse on the crotons. it's unbearable. these are the stones. so, i reach for some cheese, and of all people, keith -- keith richards, he says don't eat cheese. that's a bad impression, obviously. >> jimmy: i thought it was fantastic. if you close your eyes. >> oh come on, it sounded like that could have been dom deluise, rest his soul. so, you know what he says to me? "don't eat cheese." i said, "why not?" he says, "it's bad for your cholesterol." [ laughter ] keith richards. >> jimmy: you're keith richards! >> keith richards is my nutritionist? i'd rather blow my head off than have that happen. >> jimmy: richard lewis. >> what a pleasure to meet you finally. >> jimmy: i'm honored to have you on the show. you're the greatest. if you're in new york city do
1:21 am
not miss, "tracks of my fears" tour, at caroline's this friday through sunday. the one and only richard lewis. stick around we're cooking with tyler florence next. there he is in the bud light platinum suite. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] the capital one cash rewards card gives you 1% cash back on all purchases, plus a 50% annual bonus. and everyone likes 50% more... [ midwestern/chicago accent ] cheddar! yeah! 50 percent more [yodeling] yodel-ay-ee-oo. 50% more flash. [ southern accent ] 50 percent more taters. that's where tots come from. [ male announcer ] the capital one cash rewards card gives you 1% cash back on every purchase plus a 50% annual bonus on the cash you earn. it's the card for people who like more cash. 50% more spy stuff. what's in your wallet? this car is too small.
1:22 am
to practice math more? i love math! but two ipads means two data plans? that's crazy. maybe not. with at&t mobile share, adding an ipad is just $10 a month. but honestly, mom and dad's love is all i really need. we should keep these for us. we should keep these. what?! [ male announcer ] at&t mobile share. add an ipad for just $10 a month. one plan. up to 10 devices. at&t. rethink possible. but i'm still stubbed up. [ male announcer ] truth is, nyquil doesn't unstuff your nose. what? [ male announcer ] alka-seltzer plus liquid gels speeds relief to your worst cold symptoms plus has a decongestant for your stuffy nose. thanks.
1:23 am
that's the cold truth! troy polamalu's going deeper. ♪ and so is head & shoulders deep clean. [ male announcer ] with 7 benefits it goes deep to remove grease, gunk, and flakes. deep. like me. [ male announcer ] head & shoulders deep clean for men. ♪ why let erectile dysfunction get in your way? talk to your doctor about viagra. ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex. do not take viagra if you take nitrates for chest pain; it may cause an unsafe drop in blood pressure. side effects include headache, flushing, upset stomach, and abnormal vision. to avoid long-term injury, seek immediate medical help for an erection lasting more than four hours. stop taking viagra and call your doctor right away if you experience a sudden decrease or loss in vision or hearing. this is the age of taking action. viagra. talk to your doctor.
1:24 am
this is the age of taking action. sofa... desk... you know what? why don't you go get some frozen yogurt. i got this. you're so sweet. you got this, right? i do got this. let us get everything off the shelf, and to your home.
1:25 am
sofa... desk... you know what? why don't you go get some frozen yogurt. i got this. you're so sweet. you got this, right? i do got this. let us get everything off the shelf, and to your home.
1:26 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is an amazing chef, best selling author and host of "tyler's ultimate" and "the great food truck race" on the food network. here is his new cook book right here, it's "tyler florence fresh" which is in stores right now. please welcome tyler florence! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> how's it going, man? >> jimmy: awesome. great cook book by the way. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: this is awesome. it just came out this weekend, and fresh is the that is the one key ingredient. anything that is good -- if it's fresh it's good. >> so fresh food has to be something that is really, really simple, right? so packaged food for the most part, guys, you know what i'm talking about, we eat a lot of packaged food in this country. and if we're going to get healthier as a country, we have to eat fresh food, you guys agree with me or what? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: of course. that's right. >> so fresh is all there. so what we're going to make one of my great recipes out of this book. we're going to make seared hawaiian tuna with a soy
1:27 am
caramel. we're going to make like confit carrots. which are really, really easy to make. >> jimmy: confit? >> yeah, confit, slowly cooked in oil. it's really delicious. and we've got some booze for you guys too, we've got some wine. >> jimmy: speaking of healthy. [ cheers ] and this is your wine, right? >> yeah, i started making wine with michael mendotti, i live in northern california. i live in napa. >> jimmy: how cool is that? >> i have restaurants in san francisco, we live in marin county, and this is great, sauvignon blanc. >> jimmy: did you ever think you'd have your own wine? >> it's a dream come true man. i've got to tell you. >> jimmy: it's crazy, right? >> absolutely man. >> jimmy: you have your own wine. i'd love to have my own wine. from the hills of mandavelli. >> it's what my wife and i call our 3.0 plan. all right. let's get busy, brother. >> jimmy: all right buddy, let's go for it. all right, so this is a beautiful tuna here. >> okay, so check this out. i'm going to have you cut this. are you ready to go? >> jimmy: oh no. okay. >> okay. here we go. so one big gorgeous, isn't that tuna gorgeous? >> jimmy: geez, it's just unbelievable. >> so what i want you to do -- >> jimmy: okay. >> -- carefully, don't cut yourself. we're going to take one big knife slice from here down to the other end. >> jimmy: okay. >> here we go. >> jimmy: is there anything to it? >> jimmy fallon everybody. one nice slice all the way down
1:28 am
the middle. >> jimmy: okay. >> here we go. [ cheers ] [ drum roll ] >> jimmy: i washed my hands before this by the way, i should say. there you go. >> whoa! ♪ [ cheers ] >> jimmy: beautiful, right? not bad? >> not bad, brother. >> jimmy: not bad? >> not bad. >> jimmy: i tried. >> we're going to trim down one little block and this is what we're going to cook, okay? excellent, brother. just a little bit of salt and pepper on top of this. >> jimmy: yeah, we need salt and pepper. >> yeah, and then a quick little sear, man. all right, so we've got a nice little hot pan here. you can put some pepper on top of that? >> jimmy: sure. i'm all fishy hands. >> it smells good. >> jimmy: yeah, it smells good all ready. all right, so we got this little salt, a little pepper. both sides. >> right on top. and then we're going to give it a nice quick sear, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> isn't that gorgeous, man? you cook a lot, right? >> jimmy: no, i try to cook. i have a lot of cookbooks. >> i saw you on instagram, man. i follow him on twitter and i follow him on instagram. like he hangs out with the coolest chefs in the country. like he's good friends with mario batali. >> jimmy: mario batali. we love -- well, please. i have all cookbooks and one day i will cook. but not now. >> check it out. no, you can do this. >> jimmy: wait, look at that, that's -- i can't do that. that's what i'm saying. i can't -- right now all ready you out cooked me. >> super hot pan, all right.
1:29 am
see that? >> jimmy: you are -- yes. >> like, so it's two minutes a side, you guys like really beautiful gorgeous tuna. like sashimi quality tuna? >> jimmy: but if i do that at home, oil splatters all over my whole kitchen and then i got to clean it up for three hours. >> nice clean sear, piece of cake. right? >> jimmy: i could never do this in my kitchen though. >> do you like red wine or do you like white wine? >> jimmy: i like both. i'm irish. [ light laughter ] so check out this pinot noir, man. i'm really excited about this. >> jimmy: oh yeah, i'm a wine snob. [ cheers ] boy boy boy boy boy. >> was that good? >> jimmy: yeah, try some of that. that's good stuff. that's what i'm talking about right there. yeah. [ cheers ] woo wee! >> all right. cool. so check it out. so now we're going to plate this up. right? >> jimmy: okay. >> so this is one of my favorite recipes. it's all about really kind of fresh simple ingredients, guys. so we got carrots. like carrots are packed with vitamins, really great nutrition and i slowly cooked them in grapeseed oil, a little bit of ginger, a little bit of soy sauce. >> jimmy: now why do you soak them in grapeseed oil? >> we cooked them in grapeseed oil. >> jimmy: oh, i'm sorry confit. >> yeah, confit. so it's a really -- >> jimmy: confit, i'm learning
1:30 am
as i'm going. sorry. >> all right so check this out, right. we're going to take a little bit of this oil, this is some beautiful organic carrots, we're going to take a little oil that we cooked the grapeseed -- we cooked carrots in, right. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm going to add a little bit of a soy caramel to this. >> jimmy: soy caramel, how do you make soy caramel? >> this is soy sauce and a little bit of organic turbinado sugar. -- starches and carmel sweet, right? so, we're going to make a little broken vinaigrette. hold that. you're going to be doing the final drizzle, boom. one nice little touch. nice and hot. >> jimmy: final drizzle, the name of my biography -- autobiography. [ laughter ] coming out next year, "the final drizzle." >> the slow drip, right? look at this tuna guys, isn't that gorgeous? look at that. it's so clean and simple, right? quest, so you like this stuff, right? >> excellent. >> jimmy: i thought i was doing the final drizzle? >> here you go, man. no, no, no. >> jimmy: oh you're doing the first drizzle. >> here you go. i'm going to stack this up. so beautiful carrots, right. nice confit carrots on top of this. right? >> jimmy: look at this right here. >> you're going to be setting up a nice, little beautiful -- >> jimmy: fo shizzle my drizzle. >> there we go. look at that.
1:31 am
one up top. >> jimmy: oh, look at this. >> killer, right? >> jimmy: look at this. see you know how to do it, my man. >> so this is -- this is some -- have you guys ever come out to san francisco? we'd love to feed you, we got a restaurant called wayfare tavern in san francisco. >> jimmy: wayfare tavern. >> wayfare tavern. we've got a steakhouse in downtown mill valley, we're just across the bridge called el paseo, right. a fantastic steakhouse. and this book "fresh" is available where fine books are sold. >> jimmy: and also i've got to say this, if you don't mind me saying this, tyler is giving everyone in the audience a copy of it! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: thank you, brother, you're the greatest. tyler florence, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back. let's try some of this. woo hoo! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
1:32 am
1:33 am
1:34 am
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to tracy morgan, richard lewis, tyler florence, robert cray! and the greatest band in "late night," the roots, everybody! stay tuned for "carson daly." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

396 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on