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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 28, 2019 11:34pm-12:37am EST

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center in the heart of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- john mulaney, kevin nealon,
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musical guest, 2 chainz featuring marsha ambrosius, and the legendary roots >> queve: 1025. >> steve: and now, here he is, ! jimmy fall [ cheers and applaus ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]yo >> jimmy: thanvery much. hi, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] hello and welcom welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." thank you so much for being here. give it up for the roots, everybody, right there. hey, guys. [ cheers and applause ] well, you guys, toy president
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trump left his summit with kim jong-un early because they couldn't reach an agreement. p, he walked out on kim. but before he drove away, trump rolled the window down, and he said, "i just nt to take another look at you." [ laughter and applause ] it really seemed like they were getting along, but trump took off before the summit was finished. i don't want to call it a a breakup, but for the whole 20-hour flight home, trump was blasting taylor sw [ laughter and applause ] i heard that trump was trying to get kim to give up his nuear program. trump was like, "i offered him a lot. sanctions relief, a trade agreement. don jr. [ laughter and applause ] ju take don jr. as an intern." yeah, after hours of negotiating, trump just couldn't get kim to make a a deal. soetween kim jong-un and nancy pelosi, we found trump's biggest weakness -- pantsuits. laughter and applause ] can't handle it. >> steve: can't handle it. >> jimmy: it's his weakness. >> steve: it's too much. jimmy: but before he fl home, trump told reporters that he could have signed a deal with north korea, but he'd rather do it right than do it fast.
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or as stormy daniels put it, "that's a first." [ laughter and applause ] then she laughed so hard, she blackeugout. [ er ] get this, when trump left is ly, they had to cancel big signing ceremony. but this was nice. kim jong-un and grabbed all thea oons and used them to float home like the kid from "up." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: aww. >> jimmy: it was really touching. check this day was michael cohen's hearing in congress. and afterward, alexandria ocasio-cortez said that her bartending experience helped her question cohen. cohen must have known about her background, because after she was done, he tried tipping her [ laughter and applause ] [ audience ohs ] here's some business news. i heard that federal officials are starting to crack down on lke amazon reviews. yeah, apparently of reviews on amazon are fake or paid for. usually can you tell. i mean, check it out. for instance, here's a pair of apple air fake review says, "these have amazing sound quality and great battery life." [ lauger ] the real review says, "these are expensive q-tips that
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you'll lose insttly." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: that's the real review. >>immy: yeah. up next, here's one for a a fitbit. a fake review says, "it helped me get in shape and stay in shape." ] [ light laught real review says, "when my wife's not around, i put it on lae dog." [ laughter and ae ] >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: get up. [ barking ] the next one he, this one's for an instant pot. review says, "it's a fantastic way to prepare healthy mea fast." here's the real review. "bro, when i ordered instant ting something totally different." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: whaat? >> jimmy: a chili warmer, what is this? next up, here's a 15-pound weighted blanket. fake review says, "it's so comfortable, i can't sleep without it." real reviesays, "i wake up in a puddle of my own sweat and ofi'm too weak to get out it." [ laughter and applaus]an finally, we have a nose hair trimmer. the fake review says, "i iceived this as a gift, a love it." [ light laughter ] real review says, "i received this as gift and i was like 'what the hell, cheryl?'"
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[ laughter and applause ] really? well, this is interesting, guys. i read that a brewery in virginia is selling beer that stes like lucky charms cereal. [ audience oohs ] mah, check it out. it's called saturdning i.p.a. [ light laughter ] iorget wheaties, that's the breakfast of cha right there. [ laughter and applause ] that's the one. >> tariq: hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> tariq: yeah, i think i got one. i got one. >> jimmy: okay, tariq. go ahead. >> tariq: okay, the honey nut cheerios bee was le, "and you thought i was buzzed." [ laughter ] n >> jimmy: that bad. that's not bad. [ applause ] >> questlove: hey, hey, jimmy, i got one. all right, fiber one was like, "you'll get so drunk you'll actually want to eat fiber one." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's pretty good, quest. immy, i got one. >> jimmy: sure, mark, go ahead. >> tony the tiger was like, "youuuuuuuu're -- -- up!" [ laughter and applause ] ♪
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>> steve: i never. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and finally, y i guys -- th't good. there is a fake little caesars coupon scam going around online. the only thing sadder than using a coupon for little caesars is hearing the cashier y, "sir, this is fake." [ laughter and applause ] guys, earlier thiss eek, weezer our show. we love weezer. [ cheers and applause ] they have a new album called "the black album." they have another new album called "the teal album", which is all cover songs. and it's fantastic.d ile they were here, we stepped into the "tonight show" music room. so the roots and i grabbed some clsroom instruments, and w did our own version of one of the tracks they cover on their new album. the 1984 a-ha song, "take on me." take a look. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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♪ we're talking away i don't know what i'm to say i'll say it anyway ♪ ♪ today's another day to find you shying away i'll be coming ♪ ♪ for your love okay take on me take on me take me on ♪ ♪ take on me i'll be gone in a day or two ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so needless to say i'm odds and ends but i'll be stumbling away ♪
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♪ slowly learning that life is okay say after me it's no better to ♪ ♪ be safe than sorry take on me take on me take me on ♪ ♪ take on me i'll be gone in a day or two ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ oh things that you say is it a life or just to play my worries away ♪ ♪ you're all the things i've got to remember you're shying away i'll be coming ♪ ♪ for your love okay take on me
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take on me take me on ♪ ♪ take on me i'll be gone in a day take on me ♪ ♪ take on me take me on take on me i'll be gone ♪ ♪ take on me in a day take on me ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our thanks to weezer. thank you, roo. "the teal album" is out now. and "the black album" is out at midnight tonight. [ cheers ] ick around, we'll be rig
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to "the tonight show." we're about to play game of deception called "true confessions." [ cheers and appuse ] ♪ >> jimmy: my first opponent tonight is a very funny ho comedian who iing "saturday night live" this weekend. please welcome john mulaney. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: now, we're goingo need one more player to fill out this table. you know him from "saturday night live." give it up for pete davidson, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: wow. wow. >> all right. >> jimmy: wow. >> all right. >> all right. >> jimmy: so, here's how it works. in front of each of us are two e
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envecontaining confessions. one confession is true, the other is a lie. once you read your confession, the other two players have yo60 seconds to interrogat and they have to guess if you've been lying or telling the truth. g john, you'first. pete, which envelope should john open? >> wait, mine or his? >> jimmy: his. [ light laughter ] >> oh. number two. i don't >>ow. immy: yeah, i know. it doesn't really matter. that's part of it. yeah. [ light laughter ] well, this could be the lie or the truth, we don't know. >> cool. >> all right. >> jimmy: he's selling already. look at him. >> are we doing it correctly? >> jimmy: yes. >> now is this -- is this mine or his?h. >> y >> jimmy: no, this is his. >> so what am i -- who am i talking about? you? >> jimmy: you're talking about you. >> oh. >> okay. [ er ] >> all right. all right. >> do you get it? >> yeah, i should read the email. [ laughter ] >> all right, gentlemen. [ clears throat ] my neighbor was arrested by the fbi for being a cannib >> jimmy: what? [ light laughter ] ♪ okay, what year was this? >> 2013. >> jimmy: so cannibalism, totally illegal at this point. >> so, wait -- [ laughter ] is this l.a.? >> new york. o
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, oh, wow, yeah. >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: exactly -- >> that was -- yeah, okay. >> jimmy: the fbi got involved, het how did you know? they knocked on --asked questions of you? >> when the fbi was swarming our lobby and arrested this guy in a 6:00 a.m. raid. >> jimmy: now, did you have any clue that he was suspicious of anything? >> no, he never said to me in the elevator, "guess what? [ laughter ] i might be a canniba" >> it's freaking me out, because his voice is, like, what interrogation [ laug you're like, "i was there." >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> "i was there. it was 6:00 a.m."ht [ la ] >> jimmy: what -- >> a pre-dawn raid. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did the guy ever act odd at all? >> he was quiet. >> yeah. >> but he was so hungry. >> j [ laughter ] his name? >> i don't know his name. >> jimmy: oh, oh. interesting. didn't have a -- didn't have a a nickname for him? >> no, it was a big building in new york. i idn't have names for everyone. [ buzzer ] ♪ >> i say no, 'cause if it was l.a., i would buy it. but i don't think people eating people he. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think it's the opposite. >> you think it's the opposite? >> jimmy: i think ne has got some crazy, seedy stuff happening.
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>> no, l.a. -- they'lcut your head off here. but out there, they'll -- >> jimmy: they won't eat it. >> cut it off and eat it. [ laughter ] that's hollywood. >> jimmy: i know. [ laughter ] what are you going to say? .> i'm going to say no. i think it's fal >> jimmy: i'm going to say -- i'm going to say, no, it's false. [ drum roll ] >> it's true. >> no. >> jimmy: what?rs [ chnd applause ] ♪ what are you talking about? >> that's -- all right. >> jimmy: what? all >> jimmy: how did i not hear about this? >> do you remember the cannibal cop? >> what? >> you don't remember -- who remembers the cannibal cop? >> audience: yes, yes. >> you remember that story?gh all there was a cop, and he was -- he was online, he was me age boards. he's going, "i'm going to eat people. i'm going to kill and eat people." and then other "i'm going to kill people with you and eat them, too." you know? [ light laughter ] and they -- >> what messages boards are you on? [ la'mhter ] >>ot on these. all right? >> okay. >> my neighbors and friends are. >> oh, okay. [ lighlaughter ] >> so our neighbor was on a apmessage board with him and was planning to kind eat someone with the cannibal cop. they did a sting operation wh e an fbi agent pretended to be another interested cannibal who was also hungry for people. [ laughter ]
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and then he was like, "let's meett 6:00 a.m. and we'll go get someone and eat 'em." my neighbor goes, "yes." the fbi shows up at 6:00 a.m. sd arrests my neighbor. and we have not spce. >> jimmy: wow! [ laughter ] unbelievable. well done. wow. [ applause ] ought that one was out there. >> i mean -- yeah. >> jimmy: i thought that one was out there. >>eah. >> jimmy: i did not see that -- >> you've probably told me this before. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i haven't. i've lived a full life. there's many stories. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right.tu it's m. which envelope should i open? does it matter? one or two? >> one. >> jimmy: you sure? two is pretty good. >> no, i like one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: here we go. i once went for a beer with a a musician and woke up in a a hotel room in nash ♪ >> where did the ening start? >> jimmy: new york. >> yes. it's true. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you have to ask questions. >> nope. >> jimmy: yoeshave to ask ons. >> it's true. i know you. it's true. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you have to ask questions, though. >> fill time. i think it's true.
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[ laughter ] >> 100% true. >> jimmy: gosh -- you both -- >> uh, what instrument did the musician play? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: mandolin. no, i' mjust kidding. dolin? >> jimmy: no, a guitar. >> okay. >> do you recall any of the trip from new york to nashville? >> jimmy: i remember, yes, getting to nashville. [ light laughter ] >> you recall -- you came alert in nashville? >> jimmy: yeah, i s in nashville. i totally remember that part of it, yeah. and then i just idn't know thas going to stay over there. >> was this the first time you met this musician? >> jimmy: no. >> okay. >>s it a one guy band? >> jimmy: no, interesting. that's a good questionh. >> y >> jimmy: no, like a one man band thing? >> yeah. >> jimmy: no. it was a duo. >> a duo? >> a duo? >> a duo. >> interesting. mm. >> jimmy: yeah. >> a mandolin and something else. with what? [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. you both were just asking me fake -- edyou think it really happ >> of course. >> of course. >> it's so true. [ laughter ] come on. >> jimmy: yeah, it is true. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ but you didn't even question it.
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why didn't you question it? >> because, it's just like -- >> jimmy: it just ended up happening. >> yea>> e've all been there. >> jimmy: all right, all right. [ laughter ] all right, yeah. >> how -- waitso -- >> who was it? >> jimmy: it was john rich, and he came -- >> who? >> both: of big and rich. >> who? >> big and rich. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: country music. >> oh. >> they were on the -- [ laughter ]e they were on "chelor" one time. >> so my reaction was correct. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] that's it. we're not guessing because you're correct. yeah, yeah. >> all right, cool. >> jimmy: pete, it's your turn. i'm going to choose envelope number one, of course. >> all right. >> jimmy: yeah, that's the one. i can't believe not one question, you were like, "yeah, it's done." >> yeah. >> i vamped. >> jimmy: yeah, you did. >> lorne michaels and i went to together on vacation for new year's. [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] >> i really want that to be a a [ er ]wa >> jimmy, lorne michaels, who is -- >> our boss. >> jimmy: our boss. >>eah. he started all of our careers. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah.
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went to jamaica with you? >> no, i went with him for new year's. >> you went with him? [ light laughter >> yeah. he foot the bill. >> when i was 20. ♪ >> jimmy: i don't know if i g would ever, evto jamaica with you. [ laughter ] ville t as well go to na and wake up in nashville. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but i don't know if i'd come back. >> there's reallmanothing in a that you haven't duplicated here in the united states. [ laughtmy ] >> jthat is totally true. >> wait, you were 20? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, 20 years old. >> what year did -- how old were you were began being on "saturday night live?" >> 20. >> jimmy: 20? the first year? >> the first season? >> yeah. >> jimmy: the first season you're never really that closeou with lorne, . >> right. >> new year's, too? >> yeah. >> over the break. >> jimmy: spending a holiday with lorne? e >> eigsodes in. 20 years old. >> eight episodes in -- >> yes. >> a man, your senior >> yeah. >> goes, "that kid, jamaica." [ buzzer ] >> yes. [ lauger ] [ drum roll ] >> no. >> jimmy: i mean, 'cause i could see maybe now you and lorne maybe might va somewhere, meet up somewhere. but at the time? >> i mean -- jamaica. outhe two of them walking jamaica. [ laughter ]
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i vote -- >> jimmy: no. >> i want it to be true, but i'll go no. >> jimmy: i want it to be true. i'm sa >> it is true.e. [ laughter ] ♪ >> what? >> jimmy: i'm terrible at this game. >> yeah. >> jimmy: how? what do you mean? >> oh, he grew me in the office. [ laughter ] no, he was -- i just -- he just was like, "i'm going to jamaica, do you want to come?"s i ke, "[ bleep ], yeah, dude." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you guys, like, stay next to each other in the hotel? >> yeah, i stayed -- well, i stayed --an i didn'tto stay -- he offered to stay where was, but i didn't want to, like, you know, be me around so i -- [ laughter ] stayed at the hotel 10 minutes away. so, like -- 'cause i would have been fired if i stayed there. [ laughter ] i have to give him his -- >> jimmy: you smoke that much weed? oh, my god. >> yeah, well, yeah, it was a a lot of fun. >> jimmy: yeah, oh, my god. >> yeah. jimmy: our thanks to check them outghn "saturday live" this weekend. more with john after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our first guest is a a two-time emmy-winning comedian. this weekend, he is hosting "saturday night live" with musical guest thomas rhett. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome john mulaney. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: they love you. [ cheers and applause ] we love you. thank you so much for coming ngck to the show. >> thanks for hae. >> jimmy: thank you for coming downstairs from "saturday night live." i want to talk to you about that. you got to be excited out that. >> i'm very excited. i'm very excited. >> jimmy: and pete davidson, again, thankou. thank pete davidson for coming out and playing the game. [ cheers and applause ] i know --
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>> yeah, that was great. >> jimmy: you guys are -- >> he just -- i just saw him getting into a limo that said, "going to jamaica" on the back. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> with cans. >> jimmy: with cans. ,">> that said "just marri yeah. >> jimmy: you guys have been on tour together. you're going on tour. >> yeah, we've been doing shows every sunday night because pete has "saturday night live" on saturdays. this week, i d t we go out in the tri-state area, and it's pete and john's tri-stea tour. >> jimmy: you brought me a a photo rooms.of your green >> yeah, we have like slightly different touring styles. i mean, we're a little different as people. [ laughter ] when we walk around, it looks like an nba coach and like a a troubled rookie who's like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is your -- this is your green room. he on instagram. >> yeah, look at that. >> jimmy: that is your dressing room. >> you got almond milk.ap you goes, you got an apple with a knife ready to go. >> jimmy: that's fantastic. >> isn't that nice?
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>> jimmy: that's actually beautiful. >> the shirt hanging up. >> jimmy: yeah, and this is pete's green room. >> then this is one i took of pete's. there you go. [ laughter ] a remote, a phone. i don't know what that is on the paper. and then, i like the care of e garette put out in the water bottle cap. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in the water bottle. >> like that does show some -- hey, guys, we can't trash the place. [ laughter ] i should have widened out, because there's always like five of his friends that he calls the homies sleeping on the floor.: >> jimah. >> and i have shirts hanging up with a steamer.on night he was like, "i better wrap up. i know john's backstage utfit."g his and i was. [ light laughter ]my >> jyou actually were steaming your clothes. >> i was steaming my outfit. >> jimmy: and that made you ic want to do are where you swapped clothes? >> not just a picture. we spped clothes for one night in red bank, new jersey. >> jimmy: no way. >> because he made fun of my clothes and he called it an outfit. and i said, "well, then, why
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don't you wear a suit and i'll wear your clothes?" anso we did that. he brought me something that he would wear. and he got a suit, and i gave him a tie. and we switched, and we have a a photo of the -- >> jmy: look at this. >> there it is. yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very different. >> that is a -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: he looks great. >> he looks great. ti jimmy: he looks fantastic. >> he looks fant and i got to tell you, i felt fantastic. [ laughter ] these are like triple xl shirt and jacket with spongebob squarepas pajama bottoms. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's actually something he would wear? >> oh, yeah, he's worn ensemble before. he had it on a hanger and i someone cao the dressing room and went, "are you going to wear a costume?" and he went, "those are my clothes." [ laughter ] w so comfortable, though. >> jimmy: i got to tell you this. you probably have heard this, but it really, reallmade me laugh. you know, if you google john mulaney and pete davidson, the third article that comes up -- this is real -- it says,
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"who is john mulaney, pete davidson's friend?" [ laughter ] - >> i can't -- >> jimmy: i want to frame this, it's so funny. >> both parts are hurtful. [ laughter ] t i got to admit, i did see this, my wife screen grabbed that and sent it to me. witho tag. >> jimmy: it really just brings you back down to earth. >> but i lovit. i'm going to pick that as an epitaph. [ laughter ] john mulaney, 1982 to question mark -- >> both: pete davidson's friend. >> jimmy: yeah, that's perfect. why not? >> >>: why not. here you are, you're hosting "saturday night live" e is week for cond time. >> second time, which is great. i was nervous, some people don't t to come back. jimmy: that's true. they do controversial things like they tear up a picture of the pope or they are robert blake, they don't get to -- [ laughter ] they don't get to be on the show again. [ laughter >> jimmy: "they are robert blake." >> they are robert blake, the >> jno, exactly. but i mean, you should be kind of used to it, you were a
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a writer on "saturday night live" in009, i want to say. >> yeah, from like '08 to 2 2012, i was a writer there.-- anell, it's totally different, though, now, because i'm on camera. where as before, i was like a a busboy and now, i'm the maitre d. [ laughter >> jimmy: yeah, but did you ever think that you would host? >> no, i mean, i auditioned to w be on the but i was hired as a writer, because i was auditioning and i remember they we "no." [ laughter ] but then, i would get on camera occasionally. but the idea of hosting is totally >> jimmy: well a great cast. i mean, you're gonna be -- you're in good hands. >> it's really been the most fun. >> jimmy: do you remember the first time you were ever in a a sketch, ever? >> yeah, i was in -- it wasn't on "update" or anything, i was just like a clipboard operator, you know, when they go like, "take five." >> jimmy: i've done that. >> yeah.i s in an activia yogurt commercial sketch with kristen wiig and jason sudeikis. >> jimmy: oh, and she was jamie lee curtis. >> she was jamie lee curtis. tivia yogurt allegedly gave you diarrhea at the time. i think was the premise. [ laughter ]
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and i come in, i go, like, "take one." and i snapped it, then i walked off camera, you know, they go, like, "this way, this way." and then bobby moynihan was there, and it was my first time on camera, so we start high fiving, like a lot. like way too much for one line. >> jimmy: yeah, but it's so exciting for you. >> and then, i look over and lorne is staring at us. like this, and i'm just high fiving him and i see and then, ize that i'm late and i've missed my cue. [ light laughter ] and i ran back on and was like, "take five." and it was a full lull. thought no one caught it. i get to the after party, and anr mutual friend neal bre comes over to me and he goes, "hey man, great job. you were five seconds late on that segment." >> jimmy: yeah, people can see it, i mean -- >> oh, it was, yeah. >> jimmy: but i mean, i don't r know if you guember, but we actually have a clip. [ laughter and applause ] here's john mulay missing his cue in his first ever "saturday night live" sketch. checthis. >> i killed this activia, can i get another one? >> yeah, of course, yeah. here you go. [ laughter ] here you go. >> thank you. >> i'll take one for myself.
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keep goi here. all right, let's keep doing this. here we go. >> activia testimonial number two. >> jimmy: oh, my god. [ cheers and applause ] neal brennen is almost exactly >> right. wait, i was remarkably calm. >> jimmy: yeah, you were. >> i was like, "i don't know, take two." i was high fiving. i'm sorry. >> jimmy: you were just jumping up and down with bobby moynihan. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you're goi it this weekend. we love you, buddy. >> thank you, buddy. thank you for having me. >> jimmy: please, john mulaney, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] he is hosting "saturday night live" this weekend, with musical guest thomas rhett. we'll be right back with kevin nealon, everybody. [ cheers and applaus♪] ♪ my copd medicine... ...that's why i've got the power of 1-2-3 medicines with trelegy. the only fda-approved 3-in-1 copd treatment. ♪ trelegy. the power of 1-2-3 ♪ trelegy 1-2-3 trelegy with trelegy and the power of 1-2-3, i'm breathing better.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest stars alongside matt leblanc in the comedy series "man with a plan", which airs monday nights at 8:30 on cbs. he's also performing stand-up tomorrow through saturday at caroline's, right here in new york please welevin nealon, everybody. e ]heers and appla ♪ >> jimmy: oh, kevin nealon! we love you, buddy. >> oh, gosh. jimmy fallon.: >> jimce to see you, pal. >> good to see you, buddy. >> jimmy: how is everything? how is everything going? >> do you want me to be honest with you? >> jimmy: yeah, i really -- yes, i do. >> i'm a little in a bad mood. i know that's not great for your show. >> jimmy: wow. [ light laughter ] >> but, um -- >> jimmy: this is shockie to me, becau're always usually in a pretty good mood. >> you're right. you're right.
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well, what happened is this. in a nutshell, i flew in from los geles the other day. five-hour flight. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i was editing on my laptop the whole way. got so much work done. i was so happy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we land, i go to the hotel. love being back in new york. good mood. i start unpacking. unpacking my backpack, there's no laptop in there i left it on the flight. >> jimmy: oh. >> and the i was walking away from the gate earlier that night, there u was an aement, "if someone has left something on the airplane please come back and claim it." and i was thinking, "how can people be so stupid?" [ laughter ] yoknow what i mean? i mean, they shouldn't have nice things if they're going to forget them. [ light laughter ]st diots. >> jimmy: and you were that guy? >> and now i'm one of those people -: >> jim, no. >> that forgot it. >> jimmy: jeez, that's -- >> but the thing is -- you got a minute ] [ laught the thing is, it just dawned on me, i have everything -- except for the laptop, which i
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don't really need. but it would be nice. [ light laughter ] i realized that i needed something that i didn't know needed. and it's a heated toilet seat.>> immy: i'm totally on board with this. >> do you have one? >> jimmy: no, but i'd love to hear >> i'm sur i'm here right now. [ laughter ] i really am. love -- i'm on it all the time. [ laughter ] i used to be on it with my computer, but not anymore. >> jimmy: not anymore. he needs his laptop, yeah. >> and it's nojust heated. it's got the sprays that comes up.y, and ji'm telling you guys, bull's eye every time. [ lauger ] i swear to god. i swear to god. it's the best. >> jimmy: really? >> it's the best. i got rid of my watepick. i don't need my water pick any more. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not what it's for, no. >> i used it for that, but i don't need it any more. one other thing i don't need. and then it has the higher speeds. we've got the deluxe model, it comes with three higher speeds. fire hydrant.ah >> jimmy: oh, [ light laughter ]
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>> and then the next one is either -- i think it's hydro-jet or colonoscopy. [ laughter ] and the final, the highest pressure speed -- fracking. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wow. >> you've got to watch your aim. you really got to watch your >> jyou've gotta watch that on fracking, yeah. >> and i'm telling you, our water bill has gone up $800. [ laughter ] but it's worth it. it is so worth it. >> jimmy: oh, my gos >> and it comes with a remote. >> jimmy: oh, why? >> and sometimes, when we have guests using the bathroom for the first time -- [ light laughter ] i'a take the remote and hav a little fun with them. [ laughter ] ta jimmy: of course you will. >> come on, let' a break. >> jimmy: let's take -- no, we can't take a break. [ laughter ] how is the family, how is your son? >> my son is well. but i will tell you that i'm an older dad, and he's realizing it now. he's putting two and two together. and i think i'd be a better d if i was home more with him, you know? and anyway, i went into his bedroom the other night, and he looked really sad.
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and i said, "what's the matter, buddy?" because i don't know his name, i'm never home. [ laughter ] and he said -- and he was really like tear-stained cheeks. and he said, "can i be honest with you?" i said, "no, no, stay with the lies, [ light laughter ] he said, "i've just been thinking, i'm ten now, and you're 63. when i'm 20, you're going to be 73. ben i'm 30, you're going 83. you're not going to be around for a lot of my life, are you?" [ audience aws ] i said, "buddy, buddy, buddy. [ lahter ] i said, "i'm going to be around our a long time, i promise. i'm going to be when you graduate. i'm going to be around when you get married. i'm goin get kids.und when you i swear, i will be around for all of that. but you gotta make that happen r in the next ears." [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: that's smart of you. that must have went well for buddy. >> it went well. and then, you know, he said, "no, i'm serious, dad." dad, he doesn't know my name either. [ laughter ] , said, "these kids in my class in fifth graeir parents are in their mid-30s or late 30s. and you're 63." i said, "stop right there. that doesn't mean anything." and you know jimmy, that doesn't meanthnything. e's no guarantees in life. >> jimmy: that's true. >> and i told him that. i said, "how do you know your friends parents aren't going toc die in a fie crash tomorrow? [ laughter ] or a murder-suicide?" it can happen. that hap >> jimmy: that's good, you got to let him know. he's ten years old. >> and then i said, "by the way, who says yore going to outlive me?" [ laughter ] you want me to be hones with you. >> jimmy: wow! this is a real good talk. [ laughter ] >> it was a go>> talk. immy: what a good talk with buddy. good for you. >> i said, "who's to say some murdering clown is not goinguro come into edroom tonight -- [ laughter ] and smother you with a balloon animal? it could happen." >> jimmy: a murdering clown. you're right. >> a murdering clown. you co a dentist's it happens all the time. [ laughter ] so then, i just kissed him on rehead. i said, "you get a good night's sleep. we'll talk about this in the morning." >> jimmy: that's so good for
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you. that's how you do it a a father. u cheers and applause ] >> as a father, ve to reassure your child -- >> jimmy: you have to. >> you're going to be around for a long time. >> jimmy: let's talk about "man with a plan", your show on cbs. matt leblancas here on our show recently. >> oh, i'm telling you, matt leblanc, i can't say enough good things about him. >> jimmy: he's great. >> he's so good on the he kbout structure and character. and i'm just so impressed by him. and he's so insightful. >> jimmy: he was just here. >> i brought clip in, because he said -- it's just so much what he says, i take in.-- and an i play the clip from when he was on your show? >> jimmy: you wa to play a a clip of my show? [ light laughter ] >> yeah, because i don't know if you save clips here or not? >> i don't. d i normal't. >> he was just so insightful and powerful. >> jimmy: there's a clip of matt leblanc on "the tonight show." [ laughter ] >> kevin nealon is one of the funniest human beings i've ever met. handsome. [ whistles ] >> jimmy: yeah, he is a good looking dude. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> i mean, he knows what it's all about. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] i want to thank you for being here. i want to show a real cl from "man with a plan." you're very, very funny. >> that was a real clip. [ laughter ]t >> yeah, butsn't from your show. >> from your show. >> jimmy: this is my show as well, ah. we'll be right back -- no, we won't. i'm just kidding. [ light laughter ] here's a clip of kevin nealon anh matt leblanc in "man wit a plan." take a look at this. >> your problem is, you are not sensitive like me. now, i'm going to go down there and rearrange this guy's face like mr. potato head. [ laughter ] >> i better follow and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. >> let him go. he loves his wife. >> if you don't move out of my way, i will pick my teeth with you. [ laughter ] >> you know what, marcy -- [ laughter ] >> you go, i'm going to stay here and make fun of him. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: kevin nealon, userybody. [ cheers and app] kevin nealon, catch "man with a a plan" mondays at 8:30 p.m. catch kevin perform at caroline's tomorrow through saturday here in new york city. 2 chainz performs for us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers a applause ] ♪ [music playing] (sashimi) psst. hey, you!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: performing his new song "forgiven," featuring marsha ambrosius from his new
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album "rap or go to the league," give it up for 2 chainz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ pray for our sins i i pray for our souls thes ivat we crying let them all be fo ♪ ♪ just let them all be forgiven when you dream when you dream dream ♪ ♪ let them all be forgiven when your dreams turn into nightmares ♪ ♪ transactions turn into nike airs irnt to greenbriar mall and bought five pa♪ ♪ i stayed in the creek junkies used to preach in the dope game trying to reach my peak ♪
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♪ and go undefeated i pleaded with the judge this my first offense high school b-ball ♪ ♪ i'm trying to get a scholahip no acc scc clay co apd a i'm umpy road ♪ ♪ like a atv ept used to give me peace smile on the outside inside the skreet ♪ ♪ as far as the past wish i could pss delete let my dogs off the leash rather buy than lease ♪rd ♪ than get ed in the street pray for the children i pray ♪ ♪ i pray for our healingi pray 'cause i know you feel it i know you feel it ♪t ♪ jt it all be forgiven yeah ♪ ♪ just let it all be forgiven yeah those sins let them all be forgiven ♪ ♪ that life that is how you livin' that is how we livin' babe
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ooh ♪ ♪ l it all be forgiven got a phone call from lil fate somebody shot his son ♪ ♪ and he didn't make it my head aching hands start shakingul eyond flagrant ♪ ♪ he said bro what i'm supposed to do i pause remorseful we been partners ♪ ♪ since public school kids ain't supposed to die before us as a parent it's apparent ♪ ♪ ain't no parents singing stops once you leave the carriage cold of the streets ♪ ♪ react with the he to create balanceig one of thest revenge is prayer ♪ ♪ me shondrae and chris s there guess flesh won't spend christmas there ♪ d but in spirit know you hearing this loud ear whole family miss you as we stay off ♪ ♪ in thatmosphere no fear i pray for our sins i no fear m ♪ i pray for our souls the no fear tears that we cryinghe just let♪ ♪ all be forgiven just lethem
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all be forgiven those sins let them ♪ ♪ all be forgiven that life those sins let them all be forgiven ♪ ♪ lord forgive them that life because that is how you livi ♪ ♪ don't forgive them just let it all be forgiven yeah ♪ ♪ yeah yeah i don't know who need to hear this ♪ ♪ but if you doing something make your pares have to bury you you may want to slow down ♪ ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was beautiful. that was beautiful. thank you so much. 2 chainz! [ cheers and applause ] marsha ambrosius. beautiful.h. thank you so m "rap or go to the league" is out now. my thanks john mulaney, vin nealon, pete davidson, . 2 chai [ cheers and applause ] marsha ambrosius. and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] good job. look at this standing o. good job, bud. stay tuned for "late night with" seth meyer thank you for watching, have a a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheersnd applause ] ♪
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♪ ee [ chrs and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- senator bernie sanders, star of "i'm not here," actor j.k. simmons, featuring the 8g band with jon epcar. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, m seers. [ cheers and applause ]d >> seth: gening everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. during his meeting with ye president trumerday, north korean leader kim jong-un told reporters that the sight of him and trump sitting side by


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