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tv   The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon  NBC  April 25, 2019 11:34pm-12:37am EDT

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z388qz z16fz y388qy y16fy [ cheers and appuse ] ♪ >> steve: welcome to "the tonight show!" and here's your host jimmy fallon! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: thank u very much. hello, everybody. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much, please.k thanu very much. welcome. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." t give it up for roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the roots, right there. there you go. you guys, it is a very shecial night tonight.ti the audience is filled with people who couldn't get ti ckets to "the avengers." [ laughter and applause ] yeah, isn't that great? that's right. "avengers: endgame" is finally here, and i heard that the movie is actually three hours long. [ cheers ] yeah. after three hours even the biggest avengers fans are like, "dear god, please don't let there be scenes after the credoss." oh, my g [ laughter and applause ] and there is, there iskn i ow there is.of ourse, a lot of people are worried about spoilers. but to be honest, i'm more woo ied about sitting next t that guy who watches every trailer and goes, "i'm going to see that. [ laughter ] uh, i ain't going to see that one. oh, i'll definitely see that."
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you might not be at "the avengers" tonight, but you guys do get to see one avenger. paul rudd is here this evening. [ chee and applause ] paul rudd. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: i love that guy. [ cheers and applause ] i love paul rudd. we love him as "ant-man", whh ck the way is also stormy daniels' niname for donald trump. [ laughter and applause ] let's get to some news here. [ laughter ] after months of waiting, today, joe biden finally announced he's running for president. [ cheers and applause ] he released a video this morning, take a lookt this. >> today i'm announcing my candidacy for president of the united states. >> jimmy: there we go. can we just see him again? yeah. is he running for president or trying to sell me a reverse lartgage? [ ughter and applause ] i whhe doing? >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: get this. biden already has a special campaign merchandise for sale on his website. take a look. there's joe biden mugs. tolight laughter ] biden pins, biden te bags and of course, biden massagers.
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[ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> steve: biden. >> jimmy: well, biden's already hitting the campaign trail., this afternoon stopped at a a pizza place in delaware, where he talked to some reporters. i think he got a little distracted. check this out. >> look, we're putting together a -- i think a pretty good staff. and good capability and websites. hey, man, how are you doing? >> >> how aou doing, man? hey, i'm going to go get some pizza. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he was like, the only way we'll have pizza in the middle east is -- ooh, a a calzone. [ laughter and applause ]we ll, i saw that biden's ci of slogan is "our best days still lie ahead." but they also brainstormed anc a buof other slogans, by looking at some classic pictures of biden. i'll show you what i r instance, first up, with this photo, his slogan would be, "joe biden: make america feel a little tipsy again." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: next, this photo.
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we have the slogan, "joe biden: i already got my cabinet all picked out." [ laughter and applause ] then with this one, his slogan wotwd be, "joe biden: i got reasons why i hate global warming and i'm double fisting them right now." [ laughter and applause ] this photo, the slogan is, "joe biden: forget the seat belt, health care is back, baby." [ laughter and applause ] then there's this picture. his slogan would be "joe biden: i got your back, america." [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ]gl he didn't go with that one. >> steve: yeah, i don't think he used that one. >> jimmy: some more news here. today in russia [ laughter ] kim jong-un met with vladimir putin for the very first time. and e two guys even raised their glasses together for a a toast at dinner. take a look at this. laughter ] the toast lasted for three hours, because neither one of them wanted to drink from their glass. [ laughter ] they're like, "no, you drink first." "let's trade." "sure, let's trade, then i want to watch you drink. yeah. oh, what's over there, calzone?"
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[ laughter ]o listis, guys. i heard kanye west is thinking about starting a church. yeah. it's the first church where themselves.worship [ laughter and applause ] it's very interesting. did you see this there's a mysterious countdown clock on taylor swift's instagram. and it ends at midnight tonight. [ cheers ] a lot of fans think she's announcing a new album. while the rest are pra she's running for president. [ cheers and applause ] they're like, "hey, swifty." well, this is very cool. today it was announce that ek rami mal will be the villain in the next james bond movie. [ cheers and applaus yeah. he plays the head of hr who tells james bond all the things he can't say or do to women any more in 2019. [ laughter and applause ] you know, i was walking to work today, and i saw this guy on the street who was just yelling. >> steve: what?st >> jimmy: ju ranting and raving. and so i just thought i'd bring him on the show and give him a a chance to get some stuff off his chest. so, come on out. here's the angry guy i saw on the street, everybody.
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where is he? [ cheers and applae ] ♪ >> jay: thank you.en ladies andemen, thank you, thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. ladies and gentlemen. you know something? cheers and applause ] we -- we are becoming a nation of excuse makers. here's a story this story is at least 89 months old. sure you heard this story by now. scientists now believe that obesity may be caused by at a virus an over eating. oh, shut up!th what does at mean? what? he called in fat to work now? hello, boss, i got -- yeah, i'm not coming in today. my ass is as big as a house. i don't know what happened. [ laughter and applause ] i'm going take some m&m's, sit on the couch 'till the swelling goes down. [ laughter ] the new guy in sales must have sneezed on me. i got a touch of that obesity thing that's going around. [ laughter ]
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and let's be honest, we don't even eat good food any more. i watched some game the other day. i seen, they have for domino's, this is something called domino's dots? have you seen these domino's dots? they're just rolled up balls of dough. [ laughter ] they don't even try to make them look like a cookie any more. 'cause we don't care. [ laughter ] now they have browes. you can get a tray of hot brownies at domino's. who put these two together? have you ever done that in your life?hr had two or t slices of pizza and then go -- [ burp ] i could go for a tray of brownie. a tray of brownie? [ laughter and applause ] oh, and now th have something called the double melt pizza. it's a pizza with another pizza on top of it. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] how fat are we trying to get in this country? hey, what do you want on your pizza?ah oh, yejust put more pizza on top of the pizza. [ laughter ] oh, and dairy queen has something called the cheesequake blizzard. it's a pound. a pound of ice cream with chunks of cheesecake in it. [ laughter ] we've now reached the point in this country where cheesecake is merely anngredient. [ laughter ] oh, oh, give me the cheesecake shake. you don't have cheesecake on your ice cream.
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oh, and what's this new thing they have in the frozen food section? it's a big red tub of chocolate. there's like two pounds of chocolate. it's frozen solid. it's rock hard. you're supposed to take this tub of chocolate home. you peel the plastic off. you stick the whole tub e. the microw you heat the chocolate up so you can dip your food in it. a was throblem for people before? hey, you know, these ribs are good. there's just not enough chocolate on it. [ laughter ] oh, and we have a chain in calirnia called carl's jr. i think it's hardee's in other pas of the country. they have something called the monster thick burger philadelphia cheesesteak sawich. it's a half a pound hamburger with a philadelphia cheesesteak sandwich ithe same bun! eslaughter ] its 1,280 calori. it's served with a coke, large fries and a headstone. [ laughter and applause ] it comes with a headstone. they actually bury you in the .x you just ate it out of when did this whole disturbing gluttonous trend begin? the bacon burger, the pastrami burger, the double bacon burger. when did meat become a a condiment for other meat? [ laughter ] when did that happen? oh, oh. and now kentucky fried chicken
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bragging they've taken all the transfat out of their chicken. you know the problem with kentucky fried chicken? it isn't the trans fat, okay? it's the bucket. any time you're eating a meal y by the bucket,our ass is going to look like the bucket, okay? okay. [ laughter and applause ] hey. you know we -- [ cheers and applause ] we're the country at invented edible underwear. [ laughter ] there's no other country in the world where people eat other people's underpas. [ laughter ] even the taliban did not eat avher people's underpants. i mean why do we hthis product? are we so bored with love making? have we become that lazy? avu know how i'd like to h sex. i'm also hungry. i don't want to get up. [ light laughter ] hey, let's just eat each an other's underpts. there are certain truths tha are self evident. eating people's underpants should be one of them. [ light laughter ]d anat was the hottest selling electronic item this ea past holiday sn? flat screen tv's. we're getting fatter. our tv's are getting skinnier. and you know why people are buying these? 'cause they realize, we're too fat to fit in a room with a normal sized set anymore. [ laughter ] so rather than lose weight, let's get a flat screen tvo
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we can dip our ribs in chocolate. [ laughter ] in fact, one of the hottest selling items at the consumer eleconics show was something called the smart refrigerator. it's a refrigerator that notifies you via your iphone when you are low on n items. really? does anybody actually need -- like you're at work. boss, i have to step out of the eting to take this call. it's my refrigerator. yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, we're low on ring dings. i'll try to get back in an hour, hour and a half. i'll try to get back as quickly as possible. hey, look, disneyland. disneyland and disney world in . flor for two months, i ink it was february, march, they close the small world exhibit so they can make the seats bigger. it's not a small world any more. [ laughter and applause ] have you seen -- have you seen the ferris wheel at disneyland? huh? have you seen the ferris wheel at disyland? it doesn't go around. w it goes, uh, uh, uh. [ laughter ] it can't make the hill. there was an op-ed in "the new m york tes" that said 38% of children 7 years of age and t to fit in too their car seats.
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[ audience aws ]l let me telu -- no. oh. [ laughter ] if your kid is too fat to fit ar in theeat, you don't put him in the car seat, okay? you make him run behind the car. [ laughter and applause ] i'm fed up. i'm out of -- get away. get away from me! [ cheers and applause ] i'm fed up! [ laughter ] cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow? oh, my gosh. >> >> jimmy: he's so -- give it up for the angw guy i saon the street, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ is it just me or did he loay a a lot likeeno? >> questlove: he did, a little bit. >> jimmy: you guys, it's time for "tonight show hastags." here we go. [ cheers and appla ♪ hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: that was funny. guys, we do this thi w every weekre i send out a a hasghtag. we asked you guys to respond to that topic.
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so since coachella just happened, it's the start of concert season, i sent out a a hashtag called "concert fail." i asked you guys to send us cnny or weird things that happened to you atcerts. in under 20 minutes, it was the number two trending topic in the u.s. so thank you for playing. [ cheers and applause ] number two trending. so now i thought i'd share some of my favorite concert fail fr stories you guys. this first one is from @travisbob. he says, "i had bad seats at my first concert. i saw people body surfing to the front. so i figured that's my best chance. my friends hoisted me up and the crowd surfed me straight to the very back. [ laughter ] no, no! other way, other way! no, no, please! no, no. [ applause ] this is from @mrkevinbf. he says, i thought i was hugging my girlfriend from behind. it turns out it was just some e random dudth long hair. he was cool about it, though." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: aw. that's nice. i love this song too.lo >> jimmy: i you, brother. yeah. this one's from at @johnnyghowell. he says, "during an aerosmith concert, my friend ted, was ng
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flirtiith a drunk woman who was having trouble seeing the stage. so ted offered to have her sit on his shoulders. 20 seconds later, she barfed l over him. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] l right concert f there, man. this one's from @loopywaterfalls.e shsays, "i threw my bra on stage. the lead singer threw ack and said, 'no thanks.'" [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] that's not true. >> steve: that's not cool. >> jimmy: that didn't happen. [ laughter ] this next one comes from our very own questlove. thank you for playing, quest. [ cheers ] he says, "so janet jackson ds this lucky guy gets lap dance thing at her show, back in 2001, slowly she points to me japoyser or me. we're on the jumbo tron looking crazy like, wait, him? me? no, me? him? no? she shakes her head, 'no, him.' guy behind us, o my god." [ laughter and applause ] so i guess no lap thnce for you at night.
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>> questlove: i wouldn't say that. [ audience ohs ] >> steve: ay oh! oy! [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this last one is from @colbybaroned. he says, "bought a a dave matthews ticket from a a scalper sellg two tickets. he couldn't sell the other one, so he ended up sitting next to me. 15 years later we still go to dave's concerts together." >> steve: oh. [ chee and applause ] >> jimmy: that's awesome. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: there you have it. those are "tonight show hashtags." [ cheers and applause ] to check out more of our favorites, go to i want to thank jay leno for coming on the show tonight. jay leno. [ cheers andpplause ] you can catch jay leno next week thursday, may 2nd at the palace theater in stanford, connecticut. i love that guy so much. i still can't get this song out of my head. >> steve: which one? >> jimmy: it's just drilled in my head. and now the video is drilled in my head. ♪ you spin me right round baby right round like a record baby right round round round ♪ it's a great song by de.d or aliv then someone turned me onto the video. and now it's just haunting my
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dreams and my soul. it's fantastic. can we give a little taste of the video, james? ♪ ♪ if i i get to know your name ell if i could trace your♪ ♪ >> jimmy: anyways, guys, we have a great show tonight. from "avengers: endgam, paul rudd is here tonight. >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love him. >> steve: he's the best. >> jimmy: i love that dude. >> steve: i love that man. >> from "doom patrol" on dc universe, diane guerrero is stoppingy. >> steve: oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and we have stanp from leonard ouzts, everybody. >> steve: [ rs and applause ] >> jimmy: leonard ouzts. it's a great show, stick around. we'll be right back with paul rudd, everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ ♪ free range eggs for free range living. nellie's free range eggs (chken clucks)
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♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our first gustars as ant-man in the highly anticipated new movie,
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"avengers: endgame", which is in heaters everywhere tomorrow. please welcome paul rudd. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. that's whai'm talking about. paul rudd. >> very nice. thank you so much. >> jimmy: paul rudd, welcome back. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. >> it's great to be back. thanks, jimmy. good to see you. >> jimmy: you've been everywhere doing press for "avengers: endgame." >> yeah. >> jimmy: you must be exhausted. >> it's -- it's pretty tiring. yeah, the last few weeks. >> jimmy: yeah.'v >> ibeen to a lot of places. started off going to hong kong. was it hong kong, and then i ew to new york and then l.a. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then l.a. to london. and then london back to new york. and then shanghai. and all within a few weeks.
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i've racfrd up a lot of uent flyer miles. [ light laughter ] that's the nature of the beast. >> jimmy: do you like flying? g how is the flight to honng? >> it's long. it's a long one. i -- alight laughter ] >> jimmy: that'songie? >> but i don't mind it. i've done it twice. i've been to hong kong twice. >> jimmy: wow. >> the first time i did it, i [ light ughter ] i actually fainted. i had two bowls of soup, and then i went to the bathroom. and as i was getting ready to go to the bathroom, i d feeling really dizzy. and i remember there was a a handle, and i went to the reach for it, i was like, "whoa." and then i just blacked out. and the next thing i knew, me there was sody was banging on the door and my right arm was completely submerged in the ilet. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] and my left hand was around my penis. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: which is odd because normally you hold your penis with your right hand. >> that's -- i know. [ laughter ] yeah.
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>> jimmy: your left handth normally itoilet. >> that's exactly right. i had to switch with the handle. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, that's what it was. >> yeah. but that's how i found outhat i am allergic to msg. >> jimmy: no way! [ audience ohs ] ? you really just fainted >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, wow, that's amazing. i'm happy that you're here. [ laughter ] well, i mean, it's amazing that you didn't get hurt. >> it's amazing that i survived. >> jimmy: no, exactly. yeah. "avengers: endgame" comes out tomorrow. i don't know if you guys heard or knew this. but, yeah. that big movie is coming out to[ rrow, and -- eers and applause ] >> yeah!my >> jimit must be hard for you to promote a movie that you can't really talk about. >> yeah, cant't talk -- yeah, it's really tricky. reporters ask us questions. they haven't seen it. we can't answer anything. it's -- we do show you can't even show clips, really. they're not even releasing any clips. >> jimmy: we can't eve any clips from the movie. >> there's, like, one -- there's that they have been showing, but it's just -- i didn't want to recycle that,
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so i -- i actually brought a clip of something i did not that long ago. i haven't seen it. it's not "avengers", it was just aecent thing. but i haven't even watched it, but i thought maybe we can watch that. >> jimmy: wait, so you brought an exclusive clip here? >> yep. >> jimmy: for useeonight? [ ch and applause ] >> it's somethlog i did not ago. again, not "avengers" related. >> jimmy: have you seen this? >> no. >> jimmy: you have not seen this yet? [ laughter ] >> haven't seethis clip. >> jimmy: all right, well, here's paul rudd in an exclusive clip. take a look. jimmy: you've been every where doing press for "avengers: endgame." >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you must be exhausted. >> it's -- it's pretty tiring. yeah, the last few weeks. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i've been to a lot of places. started off going to hong kong. was it hong kong -- [ cheers and applause ] and then i flew to new york and then l.a. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then a. to london. and then london back to new york. and then snghai. and all within a few weeks. i've racked up a lot of frequent flyer miles. [ laughter ] eaat's the nature of the bst.
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>> jimmy: wow! [ cheers and applause ] amazing. >> i have to -- i ve to apologize. i realize i didn't do a very good job setting up that clip. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh. >> but what you guys saw was -- it was earlier on in this interview, i came out and i sat down in the chair. [ laughter ] and we had kind of, like, some pleasantries. >> jimmy: yeah, of course. sure. >> while you were welcoming me back -- >> jimmy: yeah. and then you -- he asked me about all of this travel for "the avengers." [ laughter ] so i was just talking about these -- these countries that i've been to. and -- >> jimmy: and now we know -- >> yeah. so that's what -- that's w-t that was - >> jimmy: that set up the clip anyways. more with paul rudd when we come back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for thank you for plaining clip, because i was confused.nd [ cheers a applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ so kim, you going for our big drive safe & save discount? yup, using the app. i've been quite vigilant. sharon says step on it. the meeting'started. ok, write her back 'dear sharon, don'mess with my discount!'
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la [ cheers and appe ] >> jimmy: welcome back,
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everybody. are here with paul rudd! [ cheers and applause ] "avengers: endgame" is in theaters tomorrow. it is going to be huge. i want to talk to you about the movie. ouwant to hear -- i mean, i know yan't say much. >> i can't. >> jimmy: i know, but you could, maybe. [ laughter ] - >> i, honestlyi can't. you have one more day to wait and then you'll know. jimmy: but i -- yeah but there's things you can maybe even just hint at things. you can maybe just let us know, like, are you dead? are you alive? [ light laughter ] are you dead or alive? i mean -- [ laughter ] seriously -- >> how dare you? [ light laughter ] how dare you? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're spinning me around with anticipation, right now. >> i knew it was coming. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? what are you talk -- >> spinning me 'round with anticipation. >> jimmy: what are you -- >> you've been on about it all week. beginning of the show, talking
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about our duo that we had in the '80s. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what the hell are you talking about, you sick son of a bitch? [ laughter ] >> you know exactly what i'm talking about, jimmy fallon. jimmy: what? don't you ever call me jimmy fallon! [ laughter ] >> don't you ever mention dead or alive to me! >> jimmy: all right, loo now look -- [ light laughter ] >> ow, that actually -- yeah. you remember the video. >> jimmy: no, we didt write that song. we did -- >> that's not true. >> jimmy: it was a great videot bu wasn't us in that video. >> i don't know what kind of drugs you were on in the '80s, but, my god, i've got proof to show. >> jimmy: real? >> yes. >> jimmy: can we play dead or alive's "you spin me around" music video right now, dave? ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ if iw i get to kur name
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[ cheers ] well if i could trace your ♪um ♪ private nr baby all i know is that to meu ok like you're lots of fun ♪ sopen up your lovin' arms i want some wante i set my sights on you and no one else will do ♪ ♪ and i i got to have my way now baby all i know is that to me ♪ y ♪ou look like you're having fun open up your lovin' arms watcout here i come ♪ ♪ you spin me right roun baby right round like a record baby ♪ ♪ right round round round you spine right round baby right round ♪ ♪ like a record baby right round round round ♪
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♪ i-i-i-ie i got to b your friend now baby ♪ ♪ and i would like to move in just a little bit closer a little bit closer ♪ ♪ all i know is that to me you look like you're lots of fun ♪ou ♪ open uplovin' arms watch out here i comesp you in me right round baby ♪ ♪ right round like record baby right round round round you spin me ♪ ♪ right round baby right round like a record baby ght round round round ♪ ♪ i want your love i want your love all i know is that to me you look like ♪ ♪ you're lots of fun
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open up your lovin' arms watch out here i come you spin me ♪ ♪ right round baby right round like a record baby right round rounround ♪ ♪ you spin me right round baby right round ke a record baby ♪ ♪ right round round round you spin me right round babyd right roun♪ ♪ like a record babyri t round round round i wantour love you spin me ♪ r ♪ rightound baby right round like a record baby ght round round round ♪ ♪ y spin me right round baby right round like a recd baby ♪ ♪ right round round round i need your love you spin me right round baby ♪ ♪ right round like a record baby right round round round i need your love ♪ ♪ you spin me right round baby right roundke li record baby ♪ ♪ right round round round [ cheers and applause ]
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>> that is -- >> jimmy: wow. >> that is just highly unsettling. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: , my gosh. that was un -- unbelievable. and i want to thank you for being in that group withe. [ laughter ] >> you know, we did -- i know when we introduced that clip, there was a lot of bad blood from memories. we had some good times. >> jimmy: we had some great times. we're tually friends. d like to apologize. >> yeah. >> jimmy: the intro was a a little hot, yeah. >> yeah. that a -- that was a little hot. >> jimmy: but dude, i will say though. man, you were here alldoay yesterdag that. [ light laughter ] .ude, it was disturbing. >> it took a while it took long -- it was very disturbing. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> it took a while to -- i didn't realize, he's hard to sing. pete burns, to get it -- to get his -- >> jimmy: oh, people don't realize that it is us singing on that song. >> yeah, we've done -- we've done three videos now?>> immy: yeah, we did styx. >> styx. go west. >> jimmy: go west, "king of
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wishful thinking." >> and those videos are fairly straightforward vocally. you know, you can -- but he's got such a strange vibrato -- i think it took a couple of hours of like -- j >>my: with the baby? ♪ baby that one? ♪ and i [ light laughter ] >> he'd do like -- ahh, ahh.♪ got you number baby ♪ >> oh, god. the crew. all day, everyone was walking around -- ♪ bay-bee [ laughter and applause ] everyone was -- couldn't get it out of our heads. >> jimmy: what also was great is that, you were dressed like that. i had the long red hair and i'm doing my rehearsal for the show that we were doing yesterday. and wu-tang clan is in the hallway. [ light laughter ] s>> and i was so -- i was excited. i wanted to meet wu-tang clan so badly, but i wouldn't leave the room. i thought, i'm not -- [ laughter ] i don't want to meet wu-tang clan like this. i faced-timed my kids when we were filming that. [ light laughter ] i traumatized them. [ lahter ] my son immediately said, he goes "oh, my god, you ok like a real housewife of atlanta."
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[ laughter and applause ] and then he said "no -- orange county." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: he corrected himself, yeah. thank you for working so hard on that. and someone is going to split screen that online. and see it is shot-for-shot this same video. i just love it thanks to our director and our editor. >> those guys were amazing and the crew was awesome. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and the crew. everything.rd wabe. paul rudd, we love you, buddy. [ cheers and applause ]th k you, congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you. "avengers: endgame" is in theaters tomorrow! [ cheers and applause this is how you do it. stick around. we'll be right back with diana guerrero, everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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someone is going to be the first. someone is going to blow up the. someone is going to , that thing you reallyreally want to do. it might as well be you. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much for watching. thank you for being here. guys, we have a great show
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know our next guest from her work in "orange is the new black" and "jane the virgin." now she's starring in the ne series, "doom patrol", which is streaming right now on d.c. universe. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome diane guerrero. la [ cheers anduse ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you for being here. >> yeah, thank you for having me. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. u.'s very nice to meet you. >> nice to meet yo >> jimmy: i was doing a little
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research about you. and i actually was reading a a copy of your book. >> i wrote about you. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i was about to say you -- [ laughter ] in the book, "in the country we love", on page -- it 190. you tell the story where -- it's a great story, but you almost get murdered, basically. >> yes. >> jimmy: but thank god you didn't. but it was a funny story. and then you said, "i consoled oself with the fantasy of day telling this story on 'the tonight show with jimmy fallon'. [ chee and applause ] i could have totally been murdered. never seen from again. ha-ha. thene'd play 'wheel of musical impressions.' oh, what a hoot it would be." >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> you got to speak it. >> jimmyyeah, well -- out into existence. >> jimmy: we just so happen to wahave microphones here alys. [ cheers and applause ] diane gurrero. >> my dreams are coming [ lilaughter ] really. >> jimmy: me, too. [ light laughter ] "wheel of musical impressions. can you do a musical impression?
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>> yeah, i can do some. >> jimmy: you can? >> yeah. >> jimmy: could you give me a a taste? who would you do? >> bee gees. [ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: we might know bee gees. which one? >> um, "love you inside out." ♪ inside and out ♪ >> oh, okay. ♪ ♪ baby i can't figure outur isses taste like honey sweet lies don't give me no rise ♪ ♪ oh oh what t you'ing to do ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i can die. i can die. >> jimmy: i'll sing bee gees with anyone. thank you so much for doing that with me. >> i love the bee gees. >> jimmy: me, too. >> you have you no idea. >> jimmy: really? >> jimmy: me, too. i love it. i'm a fan of you and your work. i want to tell the story. i want you to tell the story about when you first got cast for "orange is the new black."
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>> yes. >>immy: you were at your friend's. you were helping a friend out. >> no, no. >> jimmy: they were helping you out? >> a little bit -- a little bit of both. yeah. lv jimmy: oh, really? >> some money invoed. >> jimmy: sure. >> you know. >> jimmy: you were doing, li , >> yeah. >> jimmy: a gig. >> yeah, i was doing a gig. she is a makeup artist, and she wanted -- she was practicing prosthetics at her school, makeup fover. and she wanted -- she had this vision of making me a phoenix. >> jimmy: okay. >> so she was building a beak. and so i had this beak on and -- >> jimmy: you were going to be the bird, the phoenix. >> i was going to be the phoenix, but that's all i was at the time. i wanted more. [ laughter ] i wanted a job. you know, i wanted to television. i'm an actor, you know, that's what i wanted to do. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and so my manager calls me, i have this beak on. i can't -- i barely can breathe. i'm like crying, because i'm like, "this is what i have to do. this is what it's come to?" [ light laughter ] and my manager calls me and he gives me the news that i have a a recurring gig. and that was, like, the most exciting thing in my life.t >> jimmy: bure's the part i like about this story -- [ cheers and applause ] here's the part i like about this story, is that even though
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you got the tv gig, you still di your friend's makeup thing. and you're "ah, i'll still do the phoenix." >> oh, yeah, yeah, no. i had to -- i had to >> j: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: no, it's good that you did that. i have a photo of you with the beak. >> yeah. yeah, that's it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's when you found out. i mean, that is fantastic. [ applause ] >> i found out. that's me like, "i gotta call!" >> jimmy: let'talk about "doom patrol." >> yes. >> jimmy: it's very exciting, your character is fantastic. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you played 64 different characters you could play. >> yes. she -- well, she has split personality disorder. >> jimmy: ye. >> and she has 64 different personalities. and each personality has a a different superpower. and, i mean, we just did the first season, so i've explored about 15. >> jimmy: is that hard to do? i mean, that must be so tricky. >> i mean, it's challenging. >> jimmy: >> but it's th of challenge that -- look at me, i'm so excited about everything. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no -- okay. all right, i am. >> it's what i wanted! >> jimmy: i'm looking at you. i'm loving you. yes, this is great, but, mean -- >> so i was -- i was really -- i was up for the challenge. i was ready for it. i also, you know, have experience in sort of, you
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know, up and down emotions and things like that. so i was ready, you know, to let the world see it. >> jimmy: yeah. here's diane guerrero in "doom patrol." take a look at this. >> do you evergohink about ing up to the surface? >> me?, i'm happy with my jo but you're lucky. e n't say there haven't been a a few times wherstared out at the end of the line. and stared at that lht and thought, "what if?" but you know, it passes. everybody wants me there. it's your job. we all have purpose. like it's easy being up there, like it's a cake walk. >> jimmy: diane guerrero, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] "doom patrol" is streaming now on d.c. universe. we'll be right back with stand-up from leonard ouzts. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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i'm paige, and well the little thing that i like about the grilled chicken sandwich is that it's picture perfect. it's juicy and it just has all the right combinations. i think i could be considered a grilled chicken sandwich influencer. my name is frank and the little thing i like about the grilled chicken sandwich is the first bite. i love how juicy the chicken is but there's also the tomatoes and the lettuce and it's incredible. make sure you get it with waffle fries, because that's my favorite.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest stars in nbc's "abby's" airing thursdays at 9:30 p.m. making his tonight show debut, please welcome the very funny leonard ouzts. a [ cheers applause ] ♪ >> new york, new york, new york. all right, calm down. calm down. i got to catch the 2 train in a a minute. i'm 26. yeah, i'm an adult now. i don't like it. i don't like it. [ lit laughter ] i was tricked.
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my mom told me, "when you get grown, you can do whatever you want to do."e. that's not tru [ laughter ] when you're grown, you can do whatever you can afford to do. that's different. [ laughter ] paying bills. i miss free fun. i miss free fun. i miss playing tag, because i was never it. [ laughter ] all my friends knew if i was it, that was it. that's the end of the game. [ laughter ] ] [ applause i'm not chasing you around no neighborhood. the living room, maybe. not the neighborhood. i'm not chasing you around the neighborhood. i hated freeze tag. it's got to be the dumbest game ever. they only play it on the hottest day. tag, you can't move. like, wait, wait, wait you couldn't have froze me in the shade over there? [ laughter ] imma thaw out over here. i don't know if you know. [ laughter ] i hung out with everybody. i don't care about your race. i don't care, you know. white, bck, i don't care. my favorite friend was white, named tanner. yeah. [ laughter ] tanner had the best post play snacks. [ laughter ] one time we was playing at his house, he pulled out some lunchaes. and it messed me up because i
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didn't even know you could eat lunchables at home. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i thought you had to be in school to eat lunchables. i was so excited. i ate two semesters worth of lunchables at his house. [ laughter ] yeah. it was new experience. that's what life's about. new experiences. that's where, i think, racism comes from. lack of experiences or doing stf with other people. do your favorite thing with other races. i was blessed to do that as a a kid growing up. like, my favorite thing to do growing up was sleepovers. remember sleepovers? [ laughter ] yeah, go over somebody else's house, mess their stuff up then go home. [ laughter ] i remember the first time i slept overanner's house. it was amazing. i learned so much about -- i didn't know you can make so much noi at white people's house and their parents don't get mad. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it's 3:00 in the morning. all you hear is tanner's dad go, "tanner, what in tarnation?"ld i was like, n. what's tarnation? [ laughter ] tanner was like, "i'm sorry, father. we're just playing a game of dag." higot mad. he was like, "without me?"
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[ applause ] he said, "okay, i got something for you busters cause i'm it. one, two." and i just froze. yeah, i never heard no black parent count up. [ laughter ] [ applause ] but they will count down on you fast. [ light laughter ] and my momma was so gangster, she would count and name a a chore that better magically be done in between each number. she'just start out threatening everybody like, "y'all got five seconds to be in that bed. and i'm talking about in the bed, not on your way to the bed, not bthe bed. i'm talking about i was knees in sheets. five. and your clothes better be ironed for schrnl in the mog too. [ laughter ] four. and your teeth better be brushed. three. and there better be some gas in my car. cause if there ain't no gas in my car -- [ laughter and applause ] like i'm in kindgarten. that ain't got nothing to do with me. [ applause ]
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learn, people, man. you got to learn about being with them. like i kw, as a you black kid, i grew up thinking, white kids didn't get whoopings. and that's not true. [ laughter ] it's nothite kids don't get physical whoopings, but it be mental. [ laughter ] ite parents say stuff to their kids that they need counseling before they hit 33. [ laughter and applause ]t u wouldn't know that if you're not there. i'm at tanner's house. i don't know what he did at school, but his daddy would snap. he was like, "you know what? this is some real markey, pal." oh. he said, "jesus h. christ." i say, hold on, jesus got a a middle name? i didn't -- [ laughter ] that's when i knew it was over. he was like, "you know what, tanner? i'm so -- i'm mad at you. your grandfather's probably turning over in his grave right now." i said, damn. [ laughter ] what can you actually do for somebody to turn over in their grave? [ laughter ] like, can you imagine that? oh, he just failed spanish again. [ laughter ] [ applause ]
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como se dice? como se dice? it made me think, because my grandaddy got a messed up hip. so somebody got to go down there and help him turn over. [ laughter ] i'm leonard ouzts. thank y'alecso much. i apte you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. leonard ouzts! leonard ouzts! see him thursday nights starring in "abby's" on nbc. very funny show. my thanks to paul rudd, diane guerrero. good to see you. jay leno. leonard ouzts, once again. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." than you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- eve martin, ctom nbc's "this is us", aress susan kelechi watson, featuring the 8g band with aaron comess. ♪ [ cheers and appuse ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. in >> seth: good even i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is wonderful to hear.le in that case, s get to the news. today was april fool's day. so, if you saw anything in the news that was positive, that's why.


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