tv Late Night With Seth Meyers NBC May 29, 2019 12:37am-1:38am EDT
♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers. tonight -- issa rae from "veep," actor timothy simons cooking with rachel ray, featuring the 8g band with aaron comess ♪ [ cheers andpplause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. en >> seth: good evg. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night. how is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause that's great to hear in that case, let's get to the news president trump tweeted last night, quote, "the people of puerto rico are great. but the politicians are incompetent or corrupt." and it's true. it's true.
i mean, have you seen their president? [ laughter ] [ applause ] president trump said in a tweet last night that the republican party will quote, "be known as the party of great healthcare. [ laughter ] he misspelled healthcare [ laughter ] also, it turns out this whole time he's actually wanted to build a whale. [ laughter ] white house press secretary sarah huckabee sanders told reporters today that closing the southern border, quote, "isn't our first choice." then again, neither was sarackhuckaban sande [ laughter ] president -- [ cheers and applause president trump told reporters today that his father was, quote, "born in a very wonderful place in germany." when his father was actually born in new york
[ laughter ] but yeah, let's wait and see what's in the mueller report [ laughter ] presidential hopeful bernie sanders announced today that he has raised over $18 million in the first quartef is campaign. so now he's no longer voting for himself. "we cannot have this country run by millionaires. [ laughter ] today was equal pay day. d since this joke was written by a woman, we are getting our money's. [ laughter ] [ applause ] according to a new study, drinking one bottle of wine a week has the same effect on yous body hmoking ten cigarettes. said kathie lee and hoda, "welcome to the 'today show.'" [ laughter ]au [ appl ] a couple in ohio was arrested last week afhaving sex inside a gondola on a 150-foot observation wheel.
the couple could face up to 30 questions from the kid in the gondola behind them. [ laughter ] catholic priests in poland recently held a book burning for ings they consider sacrilegious, which included several harry potter novels.sa j.k. rowling, "you're going to burn all of them once i reveal everyone's true sexuality. [ laughter ] there are more surprises to come." kellogg foods announced st yeday it has sold its popular brand keebler cookies. sadly, they sold to it a logging company. [ audience oohs [ laughter ] researchers from nasa and the european space agency are seeking female applicants for a study on weightlessness. it will pay women $19,000 to lie in bed for 60 days said trump, "wow, i paid like seven times at for one day." [ laughter ] [ audience oohs pp [ cheers and ause
washington believe theversity of developed a hormonal birth control method that could be safe to use. it could replace the current le birth control method, fortnite [ laughter and applause and finally, new york city police received complaints recently about a vandal writing pro-trump graffiti in a brooklyn subway station so to catch him, they did the only logical thing they built a fake wall and hid behind it. [ laughter ] which brings to us a segment o called "the kindf story we need right now." ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: earlier -- earlier this year, this graffiti started appearing at court street subway stop in ooklyn and new yorkers were not excited about it they called the city to complain so the mta painted over it but then t vandal wrote the graffiti again so commuters complained again. so the mta painted over it again. so the vandal came back again.pl so the commuters comned again. do you know how annoying
graffiti has to be for new yorkers to complain about it [ laughter ] i've never once called to complain about graffiti. and last week i saw thisht [ la ] so finally, police got involved. and they deced to solve the problem the only way the only way that made sense. they built a fake wall and hid behind it. that's right to catch a trump supporter, they built a wall [ laughter ] this is the kind of story we need right now trump has been trying to build a wall for a year and a half and he has nothing the nypd built this majestic thing in one day [ laughter ] they built it. they painted it. they even added a little door and a padlock to make it look like it led somewhere. [ laughter ] idapparently they got the from this official police training video ♪ [ laughter ] >> seth: once the wall was built, t wall that i can't ress enough was built in one day, police officers took turns hiding behind it this is the kind of story we need right now police show up to work every day wondering if they're going to get shot at or get in some
dangerous high-speed chase imaginshowing up and finding out your assignment is, sit behind that wall, look at your phone, and if you smell sharpie, it's go time [ laughter ] but this wall they were hiding behind wn't just any wall. this wall had a special, very high-tech feature. >> transit cops took turns waiting in line behind this wall they even drilled a hole right there in hopes of getting a clear view of the vandal in action >> seth: "hey, chief, what are we going to use to catch this guy? night vision goggles, those 'mission impossible' lasers? "peep hole." [ laughter ] and the peep hole worked three days later, they caught him. this is the kind of story we need right nowh. and -- yea [ cheers and applause and the police knew this was the kind of story we needed ght now. so they held a press conference. >> a man came back and put up again #lovetmp on the beam so they caught him live writing on the beam. >> seth: i mean its very funny that they held a press
conference [ laughter ] i mean they're acting like they caught bane. [ laughter ] also, think about this for a second a man was writing graffiti when he heard you're under arrest from inside a wa light laughter ] i don't know what the punishment is for that. but i'm guessing a heart attack? [ laughter ] to the trump supporters, i just want to say, you were right, walls work and to the nypd, i just want ton say please keep dosting operations like this build fake walls, set up a box and a stick, sprinkle bananaks peels outside of ban [ laughter ] because this is the kind of story we need right now. ♪ [ cheers and applause she's starring in the new film "little. issa rae is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause from hbo's "veep," actor usmothy simons is joining [ cheers and applause and she is here to make some incredible chicken quesadillas for us odand you can see new epis of her series, "30-minute meals" airing every day this month on the food network, rachael ray,y.
everybod [ cheers and applause gu you , here at "late night," every night, i deliver a monologue comprised of jokes written by a diverse team of writers. as a result, a lot of jokes come across my desk that due to my being a straight white male, would be difficult for me to deliver. but we don't think that should f stop youm enjoying them. so we'd like to share them with now in a segment called "jokes seth can'tell. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: hey everybody, these are two ofur writers, amber and jenny. >> i'm black >> and i'm gay >> and we're both women. >> seth: and i'm not so he's how this works i will read the set-ups for these jokes and then amber and jenny will read the punch lines. here we go a virginia woman was arrested for public intoxication last week after she was spotted carrying a suitcase with thr cats inside. >> said lesbians, "three where are the rest of her cats?" [ laughter ] >> seth: esquire magazine recently featured a profile on
the hardships of growing up white,iddle class and male >> said black people, "ooh, fiction. [ laughter and applause >> seth: according to new data, american women now more educated than ever. >> and if they get just a little smarter, they'll stop dating men. [ laughter ] >> seth: president trump said this weekend that he thinks african-americans like him a lot. >> no word yet on who told him that it was kanye [ laughter and applause >> seth: and amber, real quick, are you a kanye fan? >> i was until he died he's dead to menot dead [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> seth: a new lesbian romance starringate winslet and saoirse ronan is facing backlash from people who say that women it's based on weren't really gay. ju s>>aid lesbians, "shh, let them make it." [ laughter ] >> seth: jenny, do you like watchi things with lesbian protagonists >> yes, that's why i love this show
[ laughter ] >> seth: according to a new report, white people are primarily responsible for carbon emissions. >> but a black guy is already in jail for it. [ audience ohs ] "oh, man i drive a prius. [ laughter ] s h: march is women's history month. >> so celebrate by giving women what they want most -- >> together: "quietampon wrappers." >> seth: i don't - [ applause ] don't understand >> every time a woman tries to quietly take tampon out of her purse, it sounds like this [ imitating crackling isnoe >> seth: i thought you guys were eating popcorn >> once a month. [ laughter ] >> seth: wait! wait, this next joke is about an asian woman. you guys can't tell this joke. >> no. but our new writer karen can >> hi, everybody
>> seth: oh, hey [ cheers and applause but do you think -- do you think can she handle it? >> oh, can she handle reading out loud like your job is so hard >> seth: fine. all right. naomi osaka recently became the rst asian tennis player to be ranked number one in the world >> said her mother, "that will look great on your application for medical school." [ ughter ] >> seth: all right yeah [ applause ] that was great, karen. >> gee, thanks seth. it was really hardeading those rds. i don't know how you do it, seth [ laughter ] >> seth: she learned to be meanm to me frou two [ laughter ] a company inustralia is allowing employees to take 12 weeks of life leave per year which can be used for travel or relaxing >> while a company in america will give women a halfay if they give birth at their desk. laughter ] >> seth: a court in michigan ruled yesterday that giving the middle finr to a police
officer is an act of free speech >> said black people, "you first. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> hey seth, why don't you tell one? >> seth: oh no, i coul't >> come on just one >> seth: i feel like i'll get in trouble if do i one. >> oh, come on do it. >> seth: okay, i will. causi trust you both >> great [ laughter ] >> seth: the head of nasa claimed in an interview last week that the first person on ma is likely to be a woman and then if it's safe, they'll send the men [ audience ohs ] [ lit laughter ] >> how dare you! >> seth: you told me it would be okay >> you should be ashamed of yourself >> seth: you wrote that for meed today and handt to me at my desk [ laughter ] lesbians and black women are lis. ♪ [ cheers and applause we'll be right back with issa rae everybody [ cheers and applause ♪
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[ cheers and applause also, back with us tonight on s drums, hfounding member of new york city band, spin doctors, who are celebrating their 30th anniversary this year.s hinew solo record,cu slptures, is out now and be sure to follow him on both twitter and instagram aaron comess everydy [ cheers and applause our first guest toght is the emmy, and golden globe nominated star and creator of the hit hbo series, "insecure. she can be seen next in the upcoming film "little," which will be in theatres on april 12th let's take a look. >> you know, since i have tou,e yo should probably dress the part, and borrow some of your clothes. >> your body can't fit into my clothes. this is squats this is pilates. >> thabody looks like baby gap, gymboree, oshkosh b'gosh to me>> oh you get on my nerves. >> seth: please welcome to the show, issa rae, everybody! [ cheers and applause ♪
>> seth: hi issa, how are you? >> hello, seth i'm happto be here >> seth: it's -- yeah [ cheersnd applause i want to talk about the movie, but congratulations, "insecure," >> back for a fourth sn, yes. [ applause ] >> seth: that's really amazing >> thank you very much yeah can't believe it's been this long >> seth: it's really amazing, and i wanted to ask because -- th ishow is very honest, and think that the people who watch it probably really appreciate that but because of that, do they feel less of a barrier with you wh they meet you do they overshare? >> they do overshare i welcome sharing. you know but people overshare at bus stops, they overshare at parties. i was just at a party on saturday night and this is a pleasant overshare, but this woman came up to me, and she was like, i met my husband through your show and i was like, what he was on the show
girl, what that's cool. and she was like, no season one, of the characters used an app called the league. so she was like, i saw it on tv that they did it, and so i signed up for the app. and as soon as i signed up, i met my husband, and we just got married.at and i was like, ths amazing. [ laughter ] i would have never used that app. it was - i couldn't vouch for it, but i'm glad that she found love >> seth: at that point you feel like you deserve a little bit of a kickback frothe app. [ light laughter ] >> from the app, and i should have been invited to the wedding. >> seth: yeah. >> it was rude for her to come upfe >> seth: it s like everybody ignored you on that. >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> story of my life. >> seth: and ti n, what about -- ow you have parents, and you have siblings, and the show is also, there are awkward situations >> there are >> seth: that all the characters yourself included are in >> absolutely. >> seth: do they watch the show? are there things that they prefer not to see? >> they definitely watch the show well, my mom stopped, my older brother stopped. [ laughter ] because you know, there's -- it's an adult show it's on hbo. >> seth: yeah.he >> tengage in adult acts
and you know - >> seth: they use apps [ light laughter ] >> they use apps to engage in those adults acts sometimes. [ light laughter ] so yeah, they just - they kind of had enough. my mom was like, i can't watch but then she caught up in secret, and was like okay, i'm watching it again. [ laughter ] but my brother was like, i can't watch you do this. >> seth: gotcha. >> i don't blame him i don't want him to watch me engage in adult acts [ laughter ] >> seth: yh, that must've been nice that's a better outcome than you telling him, i am not comfortable with you watching it it's better for him to cone to that cusion. >> that's very, very true. though it's still like kind of disrespectful too. i don't know brother being like, ew about my [ laughter ] that's just like, you don't have to say that. >> seth: so this film, i guess it is sort of reverse "big." >> yes >> seth: is a safe way of saying it >> it is >> seth: and your -star, marsai, she's 14 years old >> yes, 14 years old >> seth: she's incredible. she also -- she is like a producer on th film. >> so, she pitched this movie as when she0 years old. >> seth: oh my goodness.
nt>> went in with her pare another writer named tracy oliver, and said this is what iant the story to be, and four years later, it's this movie that she's starring in, and she is the youngest executive producer in hollywood history.ha >> seth: ts amazing. [ cheers and applause >> this little black girl. >> seth: so, i want to ask how this feels for you because obviously, you're incredibly accomplisu d. yove your own show that you write, produce, and star in. and yet when you were 14, >> no, dang!r this [ light laughter ] that was really terrible of you to set me up like th so you accomplished nothing when you were fourteen? no i didn't accomplish anything when i was 14. but i did. i was writing. i was writing spec scripts for tevilevision with my grandma she would help me with her like apple computer type these scripts and she actually taught me the legitimate way to coripyght, or legitimate way to copyright my scripts, whi was to put them in an envelope, and mail them to myself he i was like, this is the code so i don't have to pay all this legal, all these legal fees at
12, 13 years old to copyright my scripts. i can just send them to myself so i was like, my grandmother is brilliant until i grew up, and then realized that was kind of a lie. it was a flimsy way to copyright. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah, the idea being that you would have a dated envelope with a stamp being otlike, and you'd say i wrthis then i will tell you this though. i was in film school and was told the same thing. >> so then she was right she wasn't -h, >> seth: yeaut maybe your lawyer is the one who you should look into. [ laughter ] >> he just wanted my money that's what it was >> seth: he just wanted your money. >> wanted myouoney shout to my grandma for trying to save me money. >> seth: you moved to l.a. wheni you were i school, yeah? >> i moved when i was 11 so middle school moved back >> seth: and was it a culture ba shock to com cause you were living out of the country. and how was l.a. middle school compared to what you expected it to be? >> you know, i was out of the country and i was also in maryland forive years. and i was watching a lot of tv my cousins were watching a lot of tv, which included "saved by the bell" and "90210." so i had this fantasy that when i move back to l.a. i was going to be moving back to hollywood y even though i never, know,
lived there. and my parents didn't tell me we were moving to hollywood but i just was like, oh, i'm about to be kelly kapows in these streets. [ light laughter ] i'm about to be kelly from "90210." and i thought i was just goingoy to have, you know, bpining after me, and it was just -- it wasn't that >> seth: it wasn't that. >> it was not that [ laughter ] >> seth: i feel like the good news is "saved by the bell" probably gave a lot of kids a false expectation of wt high school was going to be like. >> we all wanted a zach morris >> seth: yeah. >> you know? >> seth: well, you didn't know a single guy who could stop time >> no. not a single guy who wanted to stop for me. [ light laughter ] stop time, nothing >> seth: you - marsai plays a bad boss in this film >> she does. >> seth: have you had bad bosses in your life is that something? >> i was thinking about whet ir or notad any bad bosses. and one came to mind, but then i realized, oh, i was just a bad employee >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> i was not - she was just like, all i want you to do is do yo job, like i'm giving you tasks, and you don't do them. 'cause i would be like, come into work.
she wants me to do stuff, likem trying to write. [ laughter ] so i looked ater in a whole new light. >> seth: do you think that part of that is that you are a boss now? h that youe some perspective on it? >> yes definitely >> seth: do you, have there been times that you have done anything as a boss that you -- you now look back and go, oh i was a bad boss at that moment? >> i mean, i'm always just, yes, in terms of communicating sometimes, i need to be better about being direct about what i want but you know, it's just hard to navigate 'cause sometimes even this industry i've tried, and i'm curious if you've had the same issue, sometimes you're working with people that you're friends with and it's just a -- especially in a writer's room he particular, like tommunity is just so easy. it's hard to go into like, tell them what to do mode >> seth: yeah, no, i think you're right 's the writer's room there this sense of we're a community. we're all in this together a lot of us came out of improv troupes where it'sike all for one, and then as the boss you have to go like, okay great. also, this is all bad, and i need you to start over
[ ughter ] we've all had our fun, but i can't say any of this on television, and i'm going to got bamy office now, and close the door back to work >> yeah, exactly that. it's hard. it's hard to juggle the two. >> seth: do you feel, do you look back d reflect well on the job you did putting together this writer's room 'cause we've had guests on this room have talked about what a wonderful environment it is.ea >> y i saw nathasha rothwell was on the show >> seth: yes >> she's freaking phenomenal you know, i work on the show with prentice penny, who's the showrunner who is the official showrunner, and i'm so blessed because i hae ver been in a writer's room before and he had, but in shows like "brooklyn 99," and "happy endings," and he's always kind of been the only one the only either black guy, the only black person, you know. j and het knew that when he started a writers room he wanted to make sure that it wasmu inclusive, and that iple voices were represented, and not necessarily just one, and so that's whaour writer's room is, and it really feels like a family, and it allows us to be able to be comfortable to share these stories, and to share perspectes that are varying,
but also - you know, coming from a place of familiarity. >> seth: well, based on the product on screen, you guys are doinan incredible job. >> thank you >> seth: congratulations on fourth season, thanks so much for being here >> thank you so much thank you for having me seth [ cheers and applause ra >> seth: issa everybody. "little" is in theatres next friday, april 12th we'll be right back with timothy simonsch [ eers and applause ♪ at jimmy john's, we know how much you care about freshness, quality and value. we want your sandwiches to arrive freakfay st®, so hey're freaky fresh®. that's why we only deliver within 5 minutes of our stores and not... and not farther. ...he's new.on if you're in the ze or in the store, you can get a freaky fresh® sandwich. jimmy john's because sandwich.
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let's take a look. >>o, thank you >> yeah, no, you have to they'd love it >> look at how hot she is. yeah, i'd get sprung >> thank you all so much j mynie, he just swept me off my feet. and i know that when he is elected president, he is going to sweep all of the dirt out o washington [ cheers and applause g so, we're jung to need on find a broom that's tall enough for him. [ laughter ] >> i just want to make it clear that she doeewdo all the housk. >> i do. >> seth: please welcome to the show timothy simons, everyone. ♪ >> seth: hey, how are you? >> how's it going? >> seth: i'm so happy you're here >> i'm so happy to be here >> seth: congratulations on the show i'm certainly not the first person to ask about this but one of the strangest things that's happened over the course he the s yen yeaf of this show is politics has become maybe stranger than the awful, awful
people on "veep. >> yeah, a little bit. somewhere along the line, we became aspirational. ] [ laught i don't exactly know how that happened no, and i know that, like, there a lot of people going thugh a lot of, like, terrible things because of this administration i'm certainly, like, you know, i'm not trying to say, oh, the premium cable tirists. boy, they're having it roughla [ hter ] they are having the worst go at this it is amazing, though, that when we started this show, what counted as a gaffe doesn't exist anymore. >> seth: rightow >> andy character is now running for president. and things that you would have thought would have torpedoed you would ve never bought that he could get there >> seth: right >> that he could get to run for president. now you have to actually entertain the fact that he could win. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah, it's a very - >> it's like, yeah, he's charmless and he's graceless and he's narcissistic.oe and he d't care about anybody but himself. and i don't know if you're seeing the venn diagram overlap. [ laughter ]
[ applause ] seth: did you -- well, obviously, i think a lot of who you were describing wasn't in politics when this started but did you base it on any existing politicians when you >> when i first jumpn to theed role it was, sort of, like a smashed together of a bunch of different just, like - i almost said hollywood, because it's exactly the same. >> seth: yeah. >> it's exactly the same thing of just d.c. lackeys that all they care about is proximity to power. but when we got toward his congressional campaign, the person speaking of charmless and graceless and just universally disliked i based a lot of it on ted cruz. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> who -- was it lindsey graham who had, like, a greatit about ted cruz i think -- i'm paraphrasing, but if you were to shoot him on thel r of the senate, you could not find a witness [ laughter ]d anfeel like jonah -- jonah operates in that space but begrudgingly, you have to admit that ted cruz has some -- he has fallen ass-backwards into some sort of power and until he's out everybody just has to deal with him.
and that very much is jonah's vibe >> seth: yes >> that's his thing. >> seth: you were one of the most colorfully insulted characters in the history of television >> yh. >> seth: and i have heard that people will, if they see you, they will then, almost as a way of saying hey, i'm a fanthey will yell one of those insults at you >> it does happen. [ laughter ] it does happen i beg you to not do it [ laughter ] there are many that are profane and i'm with my children at the grocery store has gotten to a point where there have been so many. i almost feel like we have reached. like, a critical ma where if some of you were -- i've been insulted so many different ways and so many different times that you wouldn't even be able to pick one out of your head there are so many. which is great for me. but, so, people now ar more so, coming up to me to commiserate just about some guy they work with who sucks [ light laughter ] and they just think, they're like, "oh, you play a guy who sucks.
there is this guy that i work with that sucks.ve and it's really lo you have a really wonderful human connection with a fan of the show [ light laughter ] >> seth: that's very nice. >> somebody you work with who just is awful. >> seth: you mentioned you have kids you have twins >> i do. >> seth:e were talking backstage. 7 years old. and so that, wking backwards from seventh season, you probably had them right when this started right? >> yeah. they were born right at the end of the first season.t >> seth: was tharessful to then be in the middle of this show that, obviously, you know, has a very intense shooting he scle and you had two small kids do you feel like you've managed pretty well? >> i think i did okay. i was talkinto my therapist about this recently. about how there's no great parenting.en there's only good gh and i know i'm hitting good enough >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> but we shot in baltimore and so, i would have to do a lot of back and forth and when the kids were young i mean, like, it's tough it's tough on me, it's tough on them, it's really tough on my wife who has a - she's a public school teacher. and they should be paid way more than they are. >> seth: yes [ cheers and applause >> so, i would go back, when i'm
at home.se i try to be very pre for them and as they've grown up, you know, i try -- when i put them toseed, i try to be very pre for them and they -- it's gotten more complicated as they've gotten older. like, when they were really little, like, the scariest thing that they could come up with was that there was a bear in the room >> seth: sure. >> and if you ask them to describe it, it's a cartoon bear it's the nicest bear you've ever met. t rentcely, i was putting my daughter, her name's hopper. i was putting her to bed and she said, "papa, i think that all adults are monsters, and they're just pretending to be people which means that you are monster and you're pretending to be a person." and i was -- i said, "babe, i understand that you feel that way.ca i assure you i am not a monster pretending to be a person and my job is to keep you safeto and rotect you until you can keep yourself safe, and until you can protect yourself that's my job. that's what i'm here for." but i'm a comedian [ laughter ] and in the back of my head, and
i didn't say it. i was like, "if i was monster pretending to be a person, that is exactly what i would say to get away with it." [ laughter ] and it took everhing i had to not look her in the eye and tell her thatwe but i knew thaould just be up all night and i would be so sorry. [ laughter ] be so sorry that i did it. >> seth: are they -- i don't know i have no frame of reference about 7-year-olds. do they appreciate that your show's been a success? do they know that it's what you do, and that people lovet? >> they don't care at all. they don't care at all i did -- last year we won an award. we won a sag award the sag ensemble award for the show and certainly, like, awards i aren't like --s been really fun that we've been able to go to things like that. it's not the reason we do it the ensemble is incredibly close. and i love working with them so that -- to win that that was cool. i got to walk around that night with, like, a physicalof manifestatioomething that is very important to me.
like, the work that we do as a group. and, so, the next morning, the t kids were at table they were getting -- they were eating breakfast they were getting ready to go to school and i don't know if you've ever seen a sag award befe. but it has a very defined butt [ light laughter ] and i put it on the table and i was like, "guys, your dad.n your papa wois last night with all of his friends that he works with and i just wanted to show you this. he was really proud of this. and theypent the rest of the breakfast turning the butt toward the other kid and laughing [ laughter ] and then other kid would turn the butt back toward the other one, and then that kid would laugh.do and, no, thet care at all. [ light laughter ] but if i keep providing butt statues, i think they're going to love it >> seth: yeah, i think that's -- well, you know, they certainly th would appreciate that u mentioned jonah is somebody who is desperate to be in proximity to power and your grandfather had a real jonah story in terms of proximity. he was in world war ii >> seth: ts is true story.
>> yes >> seth: please share. >> my grandfather fought in the pacific theater in world war ii, and he was providing artillery support in iwo jima. my grandther is a very laid back guy and when, at one point, he turned h head to light a cigarette. and when he turned back, they had raised the flag at iwo jima, and he missed itht [ laug ] so, this giant piece of american history, this battle that had been won he missed it >> seth: where do you think your grandfather is then? >> just, kind of, somewhere over here [ laughter ] not looking at this. there's nothing -- nobody wouldv confuse a simons for somebody that would be in here i tell you, a simons would come in and be like, "do you guys need - oh, you got it you got it." [ laughter ] t i don't think -- i don't think those guys get statues built. >> seth: yeah, they don't get statues. hey, congrats again. it's been such a great show. >> thank you [ eers and applause >> seth: and you've just been such a fantastic part of it. i really appreciate you being here
timothy simons, everybody. "veep" airs sundays on hbo we'll be rht back with rachael ray. [ cheers and applause ♪ i'm christina stembel and i chose the spark cash card from capital one with unlimited 2% cash back on everytng i buy why wouldn't i get this card?! i redeemed $115,000 in cash back, which doubled our marketing budget last summer. what's in your wallet?
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♪ a [ cheers applause >> seth: welcome back to "late night" y,'re here with rachael ra everybody! [ cheers and applause hereyou so much for bein i noticed you have a picher. >> i was so envious when i saw you and ina garten day drinking. >> seth: yeah. >> and you took so seriously and i wanted to play that sport. >> seth: yes >> so, i brought margaritas! >> seth: all right great.pp [ cheers and ause bring out the glasses. let's get started with this. >>hihis is my husband's famous margarita recipe >> seth: okay. >> instead of the orange liqueur, he uses elder flor liqueur. >> seth: well. >> which makes it sound healthy. doesn't it >> set yeah, there you go. eers >> fabulous. cheers mmm. >> seth: and this is very exciting i did your show in 2011 and now we've co full circle >> full circle and full circle with "30-minute meals" after almost 20 years. we're ckback now >> seth: yes, 20 almost 20 years. [ applause ] and, so, this is about making quick, easy meals. what are we going to make today? mp today i'm going to attet, just for you and in honor oththe show -
wait >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> much better now i'm going to attempt my first ever three-minute meal >> seth: oh, my god. three minutes! [ cheers when do you want the cck to start? >> you come over here. this is your station because yod have a cheat uneath with you need it. i do not >> seth: okay, i wont need a cheat. >> i do not. >> seth: all right so, we're going to make quesadillas in three minutes >> so, we are going to make quesadillawith rotisserie chickens and chorizo, some fire roasted corn and chimichurri sauce. >> seth: is this counting in the three minutes? >> yes, you're going to do all of this. >> seth: no, but this explaination does this count? >> really? >> seth: i just want to know >> all rightt ree minutes on the clock are you ready? >> seth: steve, are you ready? all right, go! >> go. okay this is chorizo. >> seth: yep up of and it chop it you only neeend en fghor one quesadilla >> seth: okay. >> it's fully cooked so don't worry about it if it doesn't get all the way there it'll still taste good you could eat it raw >> seth: okay, great >> a little bit of oil in this little skillet okay
put that in there. >> seth: okay. >> it's a tasty snack. isn't it it's a scooby snack. >> seth: is this the oil >> that's the oil. just spread. >> seth: okay. >> now this is rotisserie h:icken. >>kay. >> right at home i would just literally rip it off the bone with my fingers but here i'm using a knife. >> seth: that's nice of you. >> hopefully a little more litely >> seth: okay. >> throw that in throw in a little bit of corn. >> seth: okay. >> here's your corn in the little dish. >> seth: okay. >> this comes in the freezer l ction. alyou got to do is throw some in [ laughter ] that's lovely. >> seth: we're off to a good start here >> okay, now while that's cooking, in here, weciave parsley and ntro you put all of your stuff away cheers clean and ready to use >> seth: this is great because all the stuff in my house is already like this. so i wilonly take three minutes. [ laughter ] >> well, one of the rules with "30 minute meals" is put it awar clean so you useof it. right? >> seth: okay. so, what are we doing now? >> so, in to this -- throw the garlic this guy >> seth: wait, where's my ohrlic here okay >> a couple of scallions but just rip them. just like that okay >>eth: okay. >> the juice of a lime >> seth: oh! the juice of a lime. >> the juice of a lime >> seth: bring me the juice of a lime [ laughter ]
and the hair of a child! [ laughter ] okay, what's this? ar>> a little sherry vineg a little olive oil >> seth: okay. >> we're making chimichurri. >> seth: oh. >> okay? >> seth: all right >> get your lid on this is the difficult part getting the lid on correctly >> seth: okay. >> let it go turn it on ish. >> seth: okay. >> ish >> set all right >> maybe you got it backwards. >> oh!ay >> try this this w >> seth: oh! >> oh, no! yes! you did it >> seth: i'm done. >> and you have a fake one too [ laughter ] okay >> seth: all right >> spray the pan >> seth: spray the panht >> r put one of these tortillas things down. >> seth: okay. >> okay. stir this stuff up back here >> seth: how we dog ing one?im just over a minute left? what well you've got to be clear, steve! [ laughter ] >> turn the heat up on this. okay then we take our cheese. >> seth: okay. >> put your cheese on your quesadilla on your tortilla >> seth: yup >> okay. all righ now were going to take all this stuff from this pan.
all right, dump it on this oh, that's hot don't burn yourself.n' i caafford for the lawsuit for that seth: wait, is this hot >> yeah, it's super hot. here give me this i'll do it i can't feel my fingers. don't worry about it >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> there we go there you go excellent. now, take some of this take some of this.of take some our stuff. take some of this stuff. the green stuff. [ laughter ] the imi -- yes >> seth: okay. 20 seconds now what >> fold it over. fold it over yes.fo it over espress it down. >> seth: okay. fold it. press it >> flip her over >> seth: ten, nine flip her eight. yeah [ cheers and applause rachael iy! we did you guys. wait all right. well, you did it you did it but w, enough. enough with you. all right. now we have to see how gooit is though. >> you want to try this one, baby
it might have got a little warmer >> seth: all right [ laughter ] >> it might've gotten a little warmer >> seth: i feel like they were the same [ laughter ] >> not bad for three minutes [ cheers and applause >> seth: really good very impressive. cheers to you! give it up for rachael ray, everybody! [ cheers and applause 0 new episodes of "3nute meals" every day this month on the food network we'lbel be right back. [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ a serious error has occurred. a serious error has o... ♪ ♪
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vecoffee that is a cup abo is always worth the quest. nespresso. ti all i desire. did thou bring enough for thwhole kingdom? george: nespresso, what else? ♪ >> announcer: for more "late night," go to latenightseth.com. follow us on instagram and twitter @latenightseth and be sure to heck us out onyoutube and facebk head over to itunes to subscribe to the "late night with seth meyers" podcast. you'll get "a closer look" and more downloaded right to you phone. ♪ 1,2,3,4 this spring, it's out with the old and in with the awesome. f as in, in with theastest, most r xiable internet fromfinity xfi. so you can be in with brilliantly connected devices in every room. and in with finding all your favorites on live tv
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just without thaying pour olactose.ctaid. mmm, that's good. la aid. the real milk that doe. and try calcium enriched lactaid. 100% real milk with 20% more calcium. still no lactose. [ cheers and applause >> seth: my thanks to issa rae, timothy simons, rachel ray, everybody. [ cheers and applause aaron comess, and of course 8g band e see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause ♪