tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC February 14, 2016 9:00pm-11:00pm EST
the laughter, the joy, the lip synchs. so let's light a candle, pour some wine, and snuggle up nice and close. and watch "the history of rap six" with me and justin timberlake. waiter? after the show it's the after party after the party it's the hotel lobby then after the velvet then it's probably chris and after the original it's probably this [ cheers and applause ] ll cool jay is hard as hell battle anybody i don't care who you tell i excel they all fail i'm going crack shells double l must rock the -- friends, how many of us have them friends, ones we can depend on la di da di we like to party we don't cause trouble we don't bother nobody we're just some men that's on the mic and when we rock it on the mic
fight the power fight the power fight the power we got to fight the powers at be straight out of compton crazy mother -- >> hey, hey, yo, hey. hey, hey. oh. oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy, we've been through this before. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you are not straight out of compton. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no. >> let's talk about something else. lets talk about sex baby lets talks about you and me lets talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be lets talk about sex lets talk about -- stop, hammertime
stop, summertime here it is a groove slightly transformed just a bit of a break from the norm summer summer summer time time to sit back and -- cash rules everything around me cream, get the money, dolla dolla bill y'all i don't know what they want from me it's like the more money we come across the more problems we see informer you say no daddy me snow me a gon' blame i lick he bum bum down tective man they say daddy me snow someone down the lane i lick he bum bum i lick your [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i lick your bum bum down. i'll lick your -- i'll lick your boom boom down. >> no. you don't lick your boom boom down. >> jimmy: i'll lick your boom boom down. >> you don't lick your boom boom down. >> jimmy: sorry. one -- lick? >> no. >> jimmy: boom boom. >> no, we don't lick the boom boom. >> jimmy: down.
>> both: down. i'm going down down baby your street in the range rover street sweeper baby cocked ready to let it go shimmy shimmy cocoa what listen to it pound light it up and take a puff pass it to me now bone bone bone bone now usually i don't do this but um go on break them off a little bit of the remix it's the remix to ignition hot and fresh out the kitchen mama rollin that body got every man in here wishing sipping on coke and rum i'm like so what i'm drunk it's the freaking weekend baby i'm about to have me some fun let's go cause i feeling like i'm running and i'm feeling like i gotta get away get away get away cause i know that i don't and i wont ever stop cause you know i gotta win everyday day >> damn!
damn! >> jimmy: compton. i can feel your energy from two planets away i got my drink i got my music i would share it but today i'm yeling bitch don't kill my vibe bitch don't kill my vibe bitch don't kill my vibe i was running through the six with my don't kill my vibe i was running through the six with my whoa [ cheers and applause ] mustard on the beat yo i don't mess with you you little stupid ass trick i ain't messing with you little dumb ass trick i aint messing with cant you see the private jets flying over me laid back bumper sticker read what would hova do jay is chillin jimmy is chillin what more can i say we killin 'em baby won't you come my way got something i want
i woke up in a new bugatti i woke up in a new bugatti i woke up in a new bugatti i woke up in a new bugatti your mom bust in and said what's that noise its justin and jimmy singing beastie boys you got to fight for your right to party [ cheers and applause ] you got to fight for your right to party everybody let me hear you say party [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: justin timberlake!
>> jimmy: history of hip hop six! >> jimmy: ah, justin. the one that got away. but don't worry, tonight's all about me and you. and channing tatum, and brad pitt.thjennifer lopez, will ferrell. look at me, i'm babbling. just watch. >> jimmy: to my buddy who said that i'd never be the host of "the tonight show," and you know who you are. you owe me 100 bucks, buddy. we do have a -- [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ]
[ audience ohs ] everybody's talking about my tight pants i got my tight pants i got my tight pants on >> jimmy: slow down there, young lady friend. ever since i moved to this town everyone i know has been talking about my tight pants. >> listen up you little bitch. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, british pop superstar. harry styles. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: favorite food? >> uh -- carnitas. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what's with the costume? >> i'm the new face of little debbie snack cakes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: everything looks so good. >> would you like any sides with your burger? >> jimmy: sure, i'd love some french fries. >> oui, oui, senior. [ laughter ] let me grab you a pile of fries.
>> free massage on the palm. >> jimmy: i love hot fudge. >> ooh, i don't fudge with you. [ laughter ] nah, i'm kidding, i do. so you look like a nice guy. i'm just going to give you the whole thing. careful! i'll take the whole thing. i mean sure, why not? it's my cheat day. [ laughter ] >> three, two, one. [camera shutter ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's do a piggy back. >> okay. >> jimmy: no, no, no, i'll get on you. [ laughter ] >> three, two, one. [ camera shutter ] >> three, two, one. [ camera shutter ] >> cookies. >> i see you. >> all right, and big smile. and three, two, one. [ camera shutter ] >> three, two, one. [ camera shutter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: whose keys are these? are you having an affair? [ laughter ]
>> let's get to the chopper! you don't want no beef boy know i run the streets boy better follow me towards downtown what you see is what you get girl [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you have no idea how great it feels to make robert de niro eat his words and give you $100. he loves me. stick around, the night is still young. after the break we've got bradley cooper, jennifer lawerence, halle berry, plus me and nicole kidman take a
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it's really embarrassing for me. >> yes. >> jimmy: it was? >> yeah. >> jimmy: do want me to tell -- >> i have not seen you since then. >> jimmy: i have not. >> right. >> jimmy: that is correct. >> no. >> jimmy: but this is years ago. do you want me to tell my version of the story? >> yeah, you tell your version. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm walking down the street, i'm in new york city. my fired rick calls me and says, "dude, what are you doing?" i go, "i'm just walking down the street." he goes, "i have nicole kidman with me, and she wants to meet you for -- maybe, to be in 'bewitched'" or something like that. so i go, "what? okay." he goes, "i can be in your apartment in like 10 minutes." i go, "you're going to bring nicole kidman over my apartment?" okay, i don't know -- what do i do? he goes "i don't know, just get some cheese and crackers or something." [ laughter ] and i'm like "cheese and crackers?" what are you talking about? i don't have dinner parties. i don't have anyone over my house. i have video games and sneakers. [ laughter ] >> that's right. >> jimmy: so i go -- there's a deli, and i go in the deli. i go "we need cheese." he goes "get brie or something." and i go "brie?
>> i just remember i liked you. and he was like -- not now. i'm married now. but he was like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> not that way. >> jimmy: wait, what? wait, what? >> so he says -- so rick, our mutual friend says, "jimmy want to meet you, and you can go over to his apartment." and i'm single. and i'm like, "okay, yeah, cool." >> jimmy: wait, what?! [ cheers ] >> yes. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> yes. >> jimmy: did i date nicole kidman? >> so -- >> jimmy: did we go -- was that a date? >> so i go over though and you're there in a baseball and like nothing. just like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i had brie cheese. >> and you wouldn't talk. you didn't say anything. you were like "hey." >> jimmy: i was very nervous.
>> jimmy: i didn't know this was like a thing. i thought this was a movie. >> it was like a hang. and then you put a video game on or something. and i'm like -- [ laughter ] this is so bad. [ applause ] it was bad. [ cheers and applause ] i swear, and you didn't talk much at all. and so after about an hour and half i thought "he has no interest. this is so embarrassing." [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: i had no clue at all. >> and i left and went, okay, no chemistry. and then i was like "maybe he's gay." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on. >> anyway we weren't meant to
>> jimmy: wow, did you make a good decision. [ laughter ] you made a great -- a fantastic decision. >> you didn't. anyway, it was like that. >> jimmy: oh my gosh, i am in shock right now. >> we're both married with kids. >> jimmy: well you made a much better decision. keith urban is so much cooler than i am. he's a rockstar. he's always on tour. isn't he constantly like -- >> no. >> jimmy: yes, these country guys. he's always on tour. >> you're now trying to be all serious. >> jimmy: yeah i'm trying to be serious now. look, here's the deal. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm not always on tour, i'm always at home. [ laughter ] and kids -- >> we can't even have a conversation. >> jimmy: you're feeling a little something. you feeling a little chemistry. [ cheers and applause ] well, it's too late baby. ship has sailed, okay nicole? taken, okay? i am taken. okay. >> anyway, let's talk about paddington. >> jimmy: this is the best day ever.
let's talk about paddington. congrats already, it's a big hit already. internationally, right? >> yes. overseas. >> jimmy: they released it overseas first. [ laughter ] i remember i got brie cheese. [ laughter ] >> and corn chips. >> jimmy: corn chips. did i get corn chips? >> yeah. and some old chinese food. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how can i buy old chinese food? >> it was in the fridge. >> jimmy: it was in the fridge, it probably was. i am going to go back to paddington. were going to edit this out. >> yeah. [ laughter ] the bear. the little adorable bear. >> jimmy: it's a cute bear. it's a cute movie. >> it's a cute bear. it's very true. >> jimmy: you play the villain in the movie. >> i do. >> jimmy: that's a good, juicy role. >> yep. >> jimmy: do you always want to play -- what? [ laughter ] >> i can't even talk to you now. >> jimmy: i mean you can't even -- you're, like, stuttering and stuff. you're so nervous. >> only because you made me laugh now. um -- >> jimmy: i'll make you laugh, yeah. >> now. >> jimmy: i always made you laugh. [ laughter ]
all right, so let's talk about hugh bonneville. my man, hugh bonneville. >> so funny. >> jimmy: love him. downton abbey. we love him. and it's a cgi bear, and of course, everybody knows the books. >> but the bear does have the most beautiful eyes. he does. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] he does. >> why are you laughing? [ laughter and applause ] everybody's just -- >> jimmy: everyone's feeling the sexual chemistry here. and it's awkward. [ cheers and applause ] and it's just odd. wanna play mario brothers? we'll show them our new nintendo. that's pretty cool. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she must be really kicking herself. now let's keep this love train rolling with some of my favorite celebrity interviews and games. you're fresh, you're funny, you're great. and i want you to know something, from my heart. i never liked you. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: we were at an event. >> mm-hmm. >> jimmy: and you wanted to dance with jennifer lopez. >> i was like, okay, so we'll --
>> what we'll do is do a spin. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then we'll go, "dance with us." like, together. basically, i do it and then i go like this and then i look and he's gone. [ laughter ] and it's just me looking at j-lo and going, "dance with -- me." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not what happened. here's what happened. as i'm spinning around, i see her manager, and he goes to me, he goes -- "no." [ laughter ] so i turn the other way and you went -- and i walked away. [ laughter ] >> and you didn't grab me! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. i love that. i think it's a great show. it's really well written. >> jimmy: i think it's a great show too. >> and it's really smart. >> jimmy: except, i'm just loyal to my network. i just watch things on nbc. [ laughter ] that's cool, that's fun. >> well, you have reason to be loyal. [ laughter ] you and timberlake look so cool, man. y'all have as much fun as two straight guys can have. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's true. >> y'all take it right to the -- right to the edge! [ laughter ] jimmy has been behind home
he's always on camera. so, you see him jumping up and down and it's kind of -- i don't want to talk bad about you, but it's kind of awkward because -- [ laughter ] -- he doesn't know what to do with his hands. >> jimmy: now there's me, right there. now derek is up, i'm just nervous. i'm like, c'mon. and i'm jumping. [ laughter ] >> look at that. >> jimmy: who claps like that? i'm like, clapping like a pumpkin. because i don't -- i feel very uncomfortable talking to somebody that handsome. like, i'm fine right now, but like -- [ laughter and applause ] >> stop. no! you know i -- >> jimmy: no. >> you hurt your hand in the shape of the shocker. like, i think that's really -- [ laughter ] that's inappropriate. do you hate your hands? >> jimmy: no, i don't. i like them, i like them, i like them a lot. >> i love my hands. good. >> ever since i was 13 years of age. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: we are all here to play -- password! >> jimmy: you hit your head in egg russian roulette. >> boxing gloves. >> what? >> you are too competitive.
smoke is coming out of your ears. [ laughter ] [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm a little competitive. [ screams ] >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: we won. johnny, you're the worst. [ buzzer ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: elephant in the room. >> you looked at it. >> jimmy: oh, i did. that's right, i forgot. [ laughter ] >> when this is over, i'm going to kick your ass. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> hey, karate kid. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: full alert! >> i got it, i got it. >> jimmy: yeah, you do got it. you definitely got it. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: that's the one. >> just like you got it. >> jimmy: you got it. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: you definitely got it, man. >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: you got it. >> i'm clean as a whistle. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> all you got is [ bleep ] all over your face. [ laughter and applause ] >> it's fine. egg's a natural conditioner. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm not even mad. >> jimmy: yep. oh!
>> i do not feel good about this. >> jimmy: you don't feel good about this. >> i feel terrible about this egg. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: c'mon man, it's good. >> i feel so bad about it, okay. no! >> what? the password is "booty." >> ooh. [ laughter ] >> call. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: booty? >> yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i wouldn't be surprised. you never know when -- [ exaggerated italian accent ] papa's going to throw it-a. we don't-a know-a. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] son of a bitch gimme a drink one more night escaping me son of a bitch i can't keep clean >> i always have such a --
my life away >> i'm just a little pissed off that i couldn't get a black hand. [ laughter and applause ] >> kevin. [ phone rings ] >> yes, most ridiculous sketch ever. [ laughter ] >> looking good. they're liking it. >> yep. >> oh, my gosh. [ alien voice ] >> do these things work? >> yeah, they work. [ laughter and applause ] >> aw, somebody give me another damn drink. son of a bitch gimme a drink >> yeah, when do we play beer pong, bitch? son of a bitch i can't keep clean i'm going to drink my life away son of a bitch i can't keep clean i'm going to drink
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: coming up, we've got adele, kevin hart, taylor swift, and more on the "jimmy fallon anniversary day valentines special." stay right there. [ crashes ] llions of people have switched to sprint this past year. and to celebrate we're extending our 50% offer so you can save on most verizon, at&t or t-mobile rates. money! we saved a lot of money! the sprint network is faster. and, we're more reliable, with better coverage than ever. i like sprint because of the reliability. my movies download much faster. sprint's network is... [ snaps fingers] fast! now, save $200 instantly when you get the samsung galaxy note5 or gs6, and trade in your smart phone.
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but the true power in our communities comes from our people. >> jimmy: welcome back to "jimmy valentine's fallon's day special." let's see what's on the menu for the rest of the evening. >> hello. are you ready to order? >> jimmy: so much to choose from here. celebrity sketches, impressions, musical bits -- >> hey, hey, don't nobody care. it's your second anniversary, that's not even a thing. you know what? a lot of people enjoyed the lip sync battle with kevin hart. >> jimmy: hmm -- nah.
>> jimmy: i'm just not in the mood. >> crazy you say that. has about 60 million youtube hits on that. so, not in the mood for that? 60 million people were. yeah. i tell you what, i tell you what -- why don't you just close your eyes and point at something. >> jimmy: oh, thank you notes. >> roll the clip! >> jimmy: thank you, republicans and mustard, for being the only things that come in mild, spicy, brown and yellow. [ laughter ] thank you, reviews on amazon, for letting me know what crazy people thought about the coffee maker i want to buy. [ laughter ] thank you, day of the week pill containers -- [ laughter ] for being advent calendars for old people. [ laughter ] thank you, secretary of energy,
the love child of earnest borgnine and the quaker oats guy. [ laughter ] >> steve: that's the best! [ applause ] >> jimmy: he doesn't leave the house. thank you, horse yoga, or as the horses call it, what the freaking hell man? what is -- [ laughter ] >> steve: what is going on? >> jimmy: you wouldn't believe what happened to me today. >> steve: that's crazy. >> jimmy: thank you, ceiling fans, for having two speeds. barely moving and oh my god it's going to rip off the ceiling and slice through the children! [ laughter ] thank you, fancy gyms, or as i like to call you, james -- [ laughter ] >> steve: come on! come on. don't make us sit there and look like a fool. that's a great joke! fancy gym, james. come on! i'm sorry! >> jimmy: you're overreacting. >> steve: i'm sorry.
thank you, l.b.j., for sounding less like a former president and more like a spanish porn star. [ laughter ] el b.j. [ laughter ] thank you, the "people you may know" feature of facebook, for being the online equivalent of seeing in a old friend at the grocery store and avoiding eye contact. [ laughter and applause ] i'll go to the cereal isle. it's laura, i don't want to talk to her. >> steve: we don't need cereal. >> jimmy: come on, you bastard, go to the cereal isle. thank you, pallbearers, for being the ultimate example of having to help a friend move. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] i knew that was going to get groans. >> steve: you knew it. >> jimmy: but it's funny. and your friend would have loved it. [ laughter ] thank you, cake balls, for not being called tasteicals.
>> steve: thank you. that is a real thank you note. >> jimmy: we should make them, man. >> steve: yeah, we should make tasteicals. >> jimmy: moms love them, dads love them, kids loves them. everybody loves 'em. tasteicals tasteicals put the tasteicales in your mouth >> jimmy: thank you, butternut squash, for some how being an appetizing food despite having the words, butt, nut, and squash in your name. [ laughter ] there you go, everybody. those are my thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hope you are having a great valentine's day so far. next up we've got arianna grande, our favorite lip sync battles and a performance by adele. all that and more on the "jimmy fallon valentine's day
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hello it's me i was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet to go over everything they say that time's supposed to heal ya but i ain't done much healing hello can you hear me i'm in california dreaming about who we used to be when we were younger and free i've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet
difference between us and a million miles hello from the other side i must've called a thousand times to tell you i'm sorry for everything that i've done but when i call you never seem to be home hello how are you it's so typical of me to talk about myself i'm sorry i hope that you're well did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened it's no secret that the both of us
of time so hello from the other side i must've called a thousand times to tell you i'm sorry for everything that i've done but when i call you never seem to be home hello from the outside at least i can say that i've tried to tell you i'm sorry for breaking your heart but it don't matter it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore
anymore anymore anymore [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ew! i love adele! adele's the best! >> hi, sarah, what's all the hub bub down here? >> jimmy: i was just watching "the jimmy fallon valentine's day special." >> well your mom and i are upstairs watching the same thing. i just saw my favorite singer adele. howdy from the other side the phone is ringing all the time >> jimmy: ew! stop it, gary! you're ruining adele. i want to watch something else. >> well, why don't you watch your own show? >> jimmy: ew! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone! welcome to ew! [ laughter ]
and if you're wondering it's s-a-r-a, with no h, because h's are ew! [ laughter ] >> i posted a pic on insta, and i it only got like three likes. i'm literally dying. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ew! that's like, not a lot of likes! [ laughter ] so mrs. obama -- >> oh please, call me michelle. [ laughter ] >> um, this drawing that i made of a pegacorn. it's a unicorn and pegasus in one, that's it's my -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: gross! you just sneezed and snotted all over the pegacorn! [ laughter and applause ] brittany, have you been listening to any good music? >> i totally have. there is this one song that i just can not get out of my head. >> jimmy: then let's stop talking about it, and let's listen to it. >> okay. >> let's do it. seriously look at here butt ew oh she looks like a slut ew
right right ew ew [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ew! i got brain freeze! >> ew. >> jimmy: i got brain freeze. >> ew! >> jimmy: my brain is freezing! >> ew, god no! it's miriam and you know who now here's some things i think are ew facetime reclining in airplane seats and then retweeting tweets i'm not lying cause even rhyming's annoying bread bowls and ravioli casserole and rolly polly caterpillar am i really only moldy when they're so [ laughter ] trapper keepers -- wearing sneakers -- [ cheers and applause ] ew ew ew ew ew hey funky bunch what you guys doing >> jimmy: oh my gosh! it's my step dad, gary. and he just ruined it! >> i just came down to tell you girls that you're mom is upstairs making some shake and bake chicken! first you shake it, and then you bake it! you shake it, you bake it. you shake it and you bake it. you put the chicken in the bag and you give it a shake. you put the chicken in the oven and you let it bake. >> jimmy: ew! get out of here, gary! [ laughter ]
get out of here! get out! get out! get out of here. >> i'm leaving. >> jimmy: get out! >> i'm leaving. >> jimmy: get out! >> i'm leaving. you girls have a good -- >> jimmy: get out of here! >> catch you girls on the flipptiy flop. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gary can be such a weirdo. >> i hate gary. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: crocs. >> ew! >> jimmy: tomatoes or tomatoes? >> ew or ew! >> jimmy: richard dreyfuss? >> he's cute. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait a second. did you just say that he's cute? [ laughter ] >> he's like really cute. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: will ferrell? >> ew! >> cute. [ laughter and applause ] he's like a total hottie. i can't. >> jimmy: then don't. >> i must. [ laughter ]
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(donkey sound) (elephant sound) there's a big difference between making noise, (tapping sound) and making sense. (elephant sound) (donkey sound) when it comes to social security, we need more than lip service. our next president needs a real plan to keep social security strong. (elephant noise) hey candidates. enough talk.
don't this but, um, go ahead and break them off with a little preview of the remix. now i'm not trying to be rude but hey pretty girl i'm feeling you the way you do the things you do remind me of my lexus coupe that's why i'm all up in your grill trying to get you to a hotel you must be a football coach the way you got me playing the field so let me give you that toot toot now let me give you that beep beep running her hands through my fro bouncing on 24's while they're saying on the radio it's the remix it's the remix to ignition hot and fresh out the kitchen mama rolling that body got every man in here wishing we're sipping on coke and rum i'm like so what i'm drunk it's the freaking weekend baby i'm about to have me some fun i'm going to have me some fun we love to bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce we love to bounce we love to bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce
bounce bounce bounce we love to bounce now it's like murder she wrote once i get you out them clothes privacy is on the door but they still can hear you screaming more girl i'm feeling what you're feeling no more hoping and wishing i'm about to take my key and stick it in the ignition [ cheers and applause ] so baby give me that toot toot and let me give you that beep beep running her hands through my fro bouncing on 24's while they're saying on the radio on the radio toot toot beep beep toot toot beep beep toot toot [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to jimmy fallon's vd special. you know, there's nothing better than a good song to set the mood. i hope you don't mind but i've arranged a little something
>> jimmy: she's playing our song. >> jimmy: and now she's playing the "beverly hills cop" theme song. uh, thank you, that'll be all for now. [ cheers and applause ] now this is a story my life got flipped turned upside down and i'd like to a minute if that's okay i'll tell you how i brought the tonight show back out to l.a. [ cheers and applause ] well she got her daddy's car and she cruised to the hamburger stand now then she called us
hamburger stand now then we hopped in her car to go meet her at the hamburger stand now what goes up must come down too the see-saw changes our point of view i will see what you just saw we're just 2 james taylors on a see saw [ cheers and applause ] i long to see the sunlight in your hair and tell you time and time again how much i care sometimes i feel my heart will overflow hello i just got to let you know i know when that
mean one thing i know when that hotline bling that can only mean one thing ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony i don't [ bleep ] with you you little stupid ass bitch i ain't [ bleep ] with you you little dumb ass bitch, i'm that flight that you get on international i've been around the world don't speak the language but your booty don't need explaining all i really need to understand is when you talk dirty to me roxanne [ cheers and applause ] you don't have to put on the red light
red red light [ cheers and applause ] what would you say if i took those words away and you couldn't make things new just by saying i love you went to a dance looking for romance saw barbara ann so i thought i'd take a chance barbara ann barb barb barbara ann barbara ann [ applause ] in the village the peaceful village the lions sleep tonight near the village the quiet village
the past is in the past [ cheers and applause ] let it go let it go well my mama she told me don't worry about your size she said boys like a little more booty to hold at night that booty booty uh that booty booty santa claus is coming to town santa claus is coming to town [ cheers and applause ] >> i thought this was a party?
now i gotta cut loose footloose kick off your sunday shoes please louise pull me off of my knees jack get back come on before we crack lose your blues everybody cut footloose everybody cut everybody cut everybody cut everybody cut everybody cut everybody cut everybody everybody cut footloose [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: coming up, we've got the best of our political sketches. plus, lip-sync battles with emma stone, tom cruise, and
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gah! >> wow, i look fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] >> no, we look fantastic. and i mean really fantastic. >> jimmy: we've got a big interview with jimmy fallon coming up. let's be honest, fallon's a lightweight. no way he deserves to interview me. how do you think it's going to go? >> it's gonna be really classy. >> it's gonna be really fantastic. it's gonna be -- [ together ] huge! [ cheers and applause ] >> fartball. [ laughter ] >> you may be tough, but you got a great smile. >> there we go. let's see that smile. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: maybe it's nsa spying on us. [ laughter ] you have spoken and you're
you are the candidate who looks like a scooby doo villain before his mask is removed. [ laughter ] ha, ha, ha. ha, ha. [ cheers and applause ] first of all i've got to say, i love this wall. [ laughter ] isn't it a beautiful wall? [ laughter ] i was the fantastic. the ratings were huge! huge! huge huge huge >> that was a humorous comment. and i shall respond with laughter. [ laughter ] >> confident americans will see i can deliver for them, that they can count on me for them and their families. >> jimmy: see, you sound like a robot. bleep, blorp, bleep, blorp, does not compute. you want to win, here's what you got to do. first, yell.
in fact, this phone isn't even plugged in. [ laughter ] okay, feel the bern. [ laughter ] feel the bern. >> feel the bern! >> huge lunch in new york city where they honor you and get your award. i have four children. one of them showed up. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: but you ate the other three lunches. [ laughter ] >> seriously, you start off the interview with you look great, how much weight you've lost. and it shows what a putz you are -- >> jimmy: oh come on! hey! i think you're very, very, very tough. i know you're a mother and as a grandmother as well, but you're a tough mother. >> a tough mother. [ laughter ] >> no, no, no. i meant that in a good way. no, no -- i have to ask this, because i was thinking about this the other day? have you ever apologized?
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i'm skippy fallon. and before i was a late night host, i was a student at bayside high. ah, i remember it like it was yesterday. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> bayside high! [ cheers ] >> the home of babes, books and belding. [ laughter ] >> and right over there is our newest friend, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> hey jimmy! >> jimmy: oh, hey zach! how's it going?
i woke up in the morning, the alarm gave out a warning, i didn't think i'd ever make it on time. [ laughter ] by the time i grabbed my books, and i gave myself a look, i was at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> what's up preppies? [ laughter ] >> well slater, for your information i was just about to ask jimmy here about the big valentine's day dance. >> awe, you guys are going together, that's so cute! [ laughter ] >> ha-ha, very funny. >> jimmy: who are you taking to the dance, slater? >> well as a matter of fact,
[ cheers and applause ] >> hi jimmy, hi zach! hey bubba, you getting ready for the big dance? >> ready? you kidding me, mama? i was born ready. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ phone ringing ] [ laughter ] >> hello? >> hello? >> uh-huh. you've been throwing up all morning? okay. well, meet me at jimmy's locker. as a matter of fact, slater, that was my date just now. she was in the nurse's office,
minute. >> well that leaves you, jimmy. who are you taking to the dance? >> jimmy: guys actually, i have to tell you something. i -- i -- i'm not going to the dance. [ audience aws ] >> why not? >> jimmy: i'm moving, to new york. to be a comedian. [ light laughter ] >> you're leaving bayside? >> jimmy: yeah, i mean, i love it here but i want to be on "saturday night live." [ cheers and applause ] host my own talk show! [ cheers and applause ] and who knows, maybe one day date nicole kidman. [ laughter and applause ] >> date nicole kidman, hey you are a comedian! >> tell me about it slater. i mean, jimmy going on a date with nicole kidman? it's like jessie becoming a
[ laughter and applause ] >> so when are you leaving, jimmy? >> jimmy: ah, tomorrow. >> well, jimmy, i for one am very excited for you. >> wait, wait mama. did you just say you were excited? >> yeah, i'm excited! >> exactly how excited would you say you are? i'm so excited i'm so excited [ cheers and applause ] i'm so -- scared [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! what is going on here? [ cheers and applause ] >> well, mr. b, we just found out that jimmy is going to be leaving bayside. >> awe, i know something that'll cheer you guys up. just stay here!
cheer me up -- [ cheers and applause ] >> hi zach! >> hey kell. i can't wait, i'm so excited for the big dance! >> listen, you and i have to talk. i'm pregnant. [ laughter and applause ] [ audience oohs ] >> timeout! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> well on the downside, i'll probably be grounded for life. but on the plus side, i got kelly kapowski pregnant! [ cheers and applause ]
kelly, that's great! >> really? >> of course, i love you and i'll always love you! [ laughter and applause ] >> kkty, bayside. >> attention students, this is your principal and dj -- richie, the big bopper, belding. [ laughing ] >> this next song goes out to jimmy fallon and his friends at bayside. >> jimmy: nice, zach attack! i love them! we met some time ago when we were so young we've been through thick and thin we lost we've tied we've won friends forever >> jimmy: hey guys, friends forever?
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favorite celebrity moments. >> jimmy: this is you right in this same studio in 1965. [ cheers and applause ] >> second night that i was on. and he said, god bless him, you're going to be a star. and you look at this -- look how nice -- my legs look good, the breasts are in the right place. [ laughter ] >> fill in the blank. i love to play with my what? steve. say it. >> steve: what is ding dong. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: survey says -- >> your ding dong! [ buzzer ] i love to play with my -- >> ball -- [ laughter ] >> balls. no. get your ass over there. >> jimmy: you got to -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and the award goes
helen mirren. >> oh thank you, i'm so honored. [ laughter ] >> i never saw you backstage. >> oh. >> jimmy: i don't do backstage. >> you don't do backstage? >> i think you did front stage. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did a bit with vince and colin ferrell, it was called true confessions. >> the game took a turn for the weird and the uncomfortable. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it did, right? >> well the game true confessions was you say one thing from your past that is true and one thing that is not. everyone has to guess what it is. and i assumed it would be kind of funny, ha, ha. right? colin's was -- >> when i was a late teen i got brought in for questioning as a suspect in an attempted murder. [ laughter ] >> do you understand what happened on your show last night? do you understand what happened? ha, ha, ha, colin was a suspect in a murder that was never solved. that never got solved! they had a photo, he looked at
[ laughter ] >> you auditioned for me. i was the head writer for the dana carvey show. and you were a young, adorable, little boy -- [ laughter ] and you came in and you were playing guitar, and you had these little troll dolls and you were singing songs about troll dolls. [ laughter ] and you were like, "hey, okay, here's a song about troll dolls." and then you would turn around and wiggle your ass a little bit. you were young and had a tight little ass. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> so, i torpedoed your chances to have -- i really, really went to bat against you. [ laughter ] i think i actually said, "i will quit the show -- >> what? >> if you hire that kid. >> jimmy: schwarzenegger -- i've read that you guys actually hated each other for awhile. >> well we were very competitive. yeah, i think hate is a good word. [ laughter ] >> you're back on broadway here. look at this -- this is giant.
>> it's a great story. >> jimmy: it's a tricky play. >> it is tricky, yeah. especially because the movie there is prosthetic -- i love that we still have these on. it just feels good. tell me it doesn't feel good? >> jimmy: it feels really good. >> it's like frosted tips. >> boy band, yeah, absolutley boy band hair. >> anyway, went to london. went to see his bones, and it was amazing. [ laughter ] segway -- anyway the bones. [ laughter ] >> we can't use that, we'll cut this out. it's a tricky role -- [ laughter ] >> cause it's based on a real guy, joseph carey-merrick, who lived in the late 1800s. died at the age of 27. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have to get through this. this is based on a true story -- [ laughter ] >> we got it. we got it. we got it. i won't look at you. >> all right, don't look at me. this is based on a real guy, of course. >> yeah, yeah. >> you went to -- [ laughter ]
i've got bills i've got to pay so i'm gonna work everyday [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> grope his leg -- >> jimmy: rumpelstiltskin. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> hey! >> stop the record. and rewind this. your momma got bills your daddy got bills your sister got bills >> it's true!
[ cheers and applause ] >> it's been a great night so far. what's that you say? you want to see daniel radcliffe rapping? done. >> jimmy: blackalicious' alphabet aerobics. >> that would be one. >> you know how to do that whole song? >> yeah, i do, yeah. >> that's one of the trickiest, fastest songs i know. >> yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> can i take my jacket off? >> jimmy: sure. [ cheers and applause ] >> all right you guys. >> now it's time for our rap-up, let's give it everything we've got, ready let's begin -- artificial amateurs aren't at all amazing analytically, i assault animate things broken barriers bounded by the bomb beat buildings are broken basically i'm bombarding casually create catastrophes, casualties
canopies collapsing detonate a dime of dank daily doin dough demonstrations, don dada on the down low eatin other editors with each and every energetic epileptic episode elevated etiquette furious fat fabulous fantastic flurries of funk felt feeding the fanatics gift got great global goods gone glorious gettin godly in his game with the goriest hit em high, hella height, historical hey holocaust hints hear 'em holler at your homeboy imitators idolize i intimidate in a instant, i'll rise in a irate state juiced on my jams like jheri curls jockin joints justly, it's just me writin my journals kindly i'm kindling all kinds of ink on karate kick type brits in my kingdom let me live a long life lyrically lessons is learned lame louses just lose to my livery my mind makes marvelous moves, masses marvel and move, many mock what i've mastered nap knowin i'm nice naturally knack, never lack make noise nationally operation, opposition off, not optional out of sight, out of mind wide beaming opticals perfected poem powerful punchlines pummelling petty powder puffs in my prime quite quaint quotes keep
quarrelers ain't got a quarter of what we got uh really raw raps risin up rapidly riding the rushing radioactivity super scientifical sound search sought silencing super fire saps that are soft tales ten times talented, too tough take that, challengers get a tune up universal, unique untouched unadulterated the raw uncut verb vice lord victorious valid violate vibes that are vain make em vanished well would a wise wordsmith just weaving up words weeded up, i'm a workshift xerox, my x-ray-diation holes extra large x-height letters and xylophone tones yellow back, yak mouth young ones yaws yesterday's lawn yards sell our yawn zig zag zombies zoomin to the zenith zero in zen thoughts, overzealous rhyme zea-lots [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on! daniel radcliffe! [ cheers and applause ] >> don't go anywhere. we will be back with more of our favorite "tonight show" moments from these past two years.
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old man look at my life twenty four and there's so much more live alone in a paradise that makes me think of two love lost, such a cost give me things that don't get lost like a coin that won't get tossed rolling home to you [ cheers ] old man take a look at my life i'm a lot like you i need someone to love me the whole day through ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell that's true
lullabies, look in your eyes run around the same old town doesn't mean that much to me to mean that much to you i've been first and last look at how the time goes past but i'm all alone at last rolling home to you old man take a look at my life i'm a lot like you i need someone to love me the whole day through ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell
old man look at my life i'm a lot like you were old man look at my life i'm a lot like you were [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know, i love doing impressions but so do a lot of my guests. here's some of my favorites from the past two years. >> jimmy: bill clinton doing ghostbusters. >> when there's something strange -- [ laughter ] in your neighborhood. [ laughter ] who ya gonna call? [ laughter ] this little piggy went to the mall [ cheers ] this little piggy
i don't want to grow up i'm a toys 'r us kid love me the toys i play with >> jimmy: hello? hello michelle, i'm here. [ laughter ] >> that was your barack obama? >> jimmy: yeah. was it good? >> no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you and tina fey have the worst de niro impression i've ever seen. >> i know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's like this. can you do a impersonation of me at all? i close my eyes. [ laughter ] [ mumbling ] [ laughter ] >> do like the thing like -- it's like people laugh to early at the joke. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i never saw that. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ]
>> oh my god, you guys are so awesome. [ laughter ] oh my god! god you're awesome. you're so great. i love everything you do. i've seen everything you've done. >> jimmy: hi jimmy. >> hey how you doing? so far so great so far and so great [ cheers and applause ] >> it was around here is the other song. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: ruthlove boys are in here. boys right here in texas willing, willing and the boys >> jimmy: it was a great song. >> i seriously can't stand you. [ laughter ] never your beast of burden so let's go home and draw the curtains i can't feel my face when i'm with you but i love it but i love it i can't feel my face when i'm with you
it [ singing over top of each other ] >> jimmy: do you like when people do impressions of you? >> no -- [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: you're very flowy and -- and -- >> that guy is a son of a bitch. >> jimmy: jack nicholson or john travolta -- >> steve: right, right, right. you do 409 bob >> jimmy: let's do the 409 bob. [ laughter ] hi, i'm -- [ laughter and applause ] i had to slip into you because you're very cheery and i love
[ laughter ] you know you do that, very excited and you come out. sometimes you -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: quest instance on that the other day and he said he used to call me on the cell phone. >> i always thought me and you are cool. >> you are -- [ laughter ] you choose. you choose when you want to quit. it's a fun job. stick around. we'll be right back with more of chip holiday's valentine's day spooktacular starring me, jimmy tonight. good morning sunset. good morning night. good morning neon, shining bright. good morning hunger.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. you're watching mtv's "rockin' jock v-day b-ball jam." i'm your host, dan cortese. here's more of our funniest moments from "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] tonight show superlatives >> jimmy: next, from the cowboys is cole beasley. he was voted "most likely to be driven to the game by fred, daphne, velma, and scooby doo." [ laughter and applause ] next, from the 49ers is joe looney. he was voted "most likely to lightly tug on your shirt when he wants attention." [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] marshawn lynch.
he was voted "most likely to dot his ts and cross his eyes." >> jimmy: i might not be around forever, what with my finger being in the condition it is. [ laughter ] who knows what could happen tomorrow? i could stub my toe. [ laughter ] i could burn the roof of my mouth eating a hot microwave pizza. [ applause ] >> i should call you little debbie, 'cause you are one fake-ass cookie. >> jimmy: give me one good reason why i don't throw this drink in your face. >> 'cause of this! [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hey, terrence. >> hey, jim. [ applause ] >> jimmy: hey. >> how you feeling? >> jimmy: great. >> good, good, good. look, i want to talk to you about something serious. i know y'all do these parodies on your show -- >> jimmy: oh, thank you. >> no, no "thank you." no. don't do one of "empire." >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] no. i wouldn't -- do -- that.
pros and cons and pros and cons and pros >> jimmy: "sesame street" moving to hbo. pro, hbo promises a tougher, edgier elmo. [ light laughter ] con, or as times square elmo put it, "bitch, please." [ laughter ] [ applause ] i don't mess with that guy. hashtags >> jimmy: my mom meant to say "butt dial," but instead she said "grandma booty called me today." [ laughter ] >> steve: no. >> jimmy: no she didn't. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: i once overheard a man in a stall next to me whisper to himself, "please not now." [ laughter ] i was at a party and a drunk girl passed me talking on the phone, crying, "i'm trying to find marco, but people keep yelling back 'polo!'" [ laughter ] "marco!" >> steve: polo! >> jimmy: stop it! marco! >> audience: polo! >> jimmy: stop it! [ laughter ] i saw a guy in the audience he says looks like me, but i don't know. you be the judge. does he look like me? [ laughter ] [ applause ]
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: okay, now what is this invention? what is your invention here? >> the tissuetron 3000. when you're done with the tissue -- >> jimmy: yeah. yeah. [ applause ] >> -- you just put it in here, in the trash can. >> it's called the puff and fluff dog drying system. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: something like that. can he breathe? can he breathe? >> ta-da! >> jimmy: there you go right there! aw, mojo! de-crustifier. yeah. and then you put this thing >> and then -- yeah. you need to press on it. [ laughter ] >> jeez. >> jimmy: sit on it. [ applause ] simple to use. [ laughter ] open it up, and the pizza's there it is.
>> steve: sure. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: everyone loves him. you add a ball pit. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: you get -- chuck-e-cheese. >> steve: yeah! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think he's a mouse. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: lil john. >> steve: mm-hmm. >> jimmy: plus lil wayne. >> steve: mm-hmm. >> jimmy: equals -- lil john wayne. >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] [ applause ] what's up, pilgrim? >> jimmy: yeah, why don't you just take off the panda head and get some air? why not? go for it. >> all right. >> jimmy: wait. [ cheers and applause ] you've been hashtag the panda all along? >> uh-huh. i wanted us to have, like -- you know, like our own thing. [ laughter ] i was hashtag the panda. but, uh, you know, that was in the past. >> i want to know, who did you get to replace me as hashtag? >> jimmy: there's no one. i just -- [ cheers ] you gotta read these books these books >> jimmy: oh, this book is, uh -- [ laughter ] "amish vampires in space." [ laughter ]
[ laughter ] "the joy of uncircumcizing." >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: this is a good one. higgins, brace yourself. >> steve: all right. ready? >> jimmy: "soranus's gynecology." [ laughter ] "the psychopath inside." look down here at the author. james fallon. there you go. [ applause ] >> steve: i wasn't even aware you wrote that book. >> jimmy: i didn't write this book. [ laughter ] james did. [ "house of cards" theme plays ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, denny, these cue cards must be larger in size. okay? this is "the tonight show." get it together. [ laughter ] the cue cards must be right. they are the life vest in this ocean of televised late night jokery. [ laughter ] >> last looks. >> jimmy: last looks are the final touch-up before the show. even the finest furniture needs a good polish every once in a while. >> mr. fallon, you have a phone call. >> jimmy: a phone call is when someone calls you on the phone. [ laughter ]
yourself again, my friend. >> whatever. [ phone rings ] >> jimmy: oh, i'm blowing up here. freddie, would you mind getting my phone? i -- sorry. i just -- [ laughter ] >> what is that? feels like -- half a string cheese. >> jimmy: you know what, freddie, i do believe the phone is the other pocket. i do apologize. that is my fault. [ applause ] >> steve: this is diagon alley. >> jimmy: how do we get to the studio? >> steve: easy. taking my magic broom. >> jimmy: you know how to work that thing? >> steve: yep. standard firebolt. all you do is put one leg here, go -- [ thud ] [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: higgins! >> jimmy: greatest hits. there's no tracks on this album at all. it's just an empty -- making her standup comedy debut tonight -- madonna, ladies and gentlemen! [ cheers ] >> it is true, i date younger guys. [ cheers ] oh, you guys think that's funny? i haven't had a date in a couple weeks. i looked at my son without thinking and i said, "um -- do you have any friends you could introduce me to?" [ laughter ]
with that? >> jimmy: no, i don't' -- [ laughter and applause ] stop calling me! [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers ] >> jimmy: we did it! dreams really do come true! >> jimmy: we'll be right back with the best of our lip synch battles. you don't want to miss it. my son and i used to watch the red carpet shows on tv now, i'm walking them. life is unpredictable one thing i need to be predictable is to be flake free. because i have used head and shoulders for 20 years. used regularly, it removes up to 100% of flakes keeping you protected
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>> jimmy: you're watching jersey funyuns valentines day bleeps, blurps and bloopers. and now, please enjoy some of our favorite moments from the tonight show's epic lip sync battles. >> jimmy: it is time for another lip sync battle. [ cheers and applause ] welcome kevin hart and my pal emma stone. paul rudd. lena dunham. blake shelton and gwen stefani. ellen degeneres. [ cheers and applause ] tom cruise. >> would you mind holding my coat for me? thank you. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you don't have to clear yout throat for lip syncing. [ laughter ] your lip syncing is --
[ light laughter ] >> my first song is by the queen bee. [ cheers and applause ] flashing lights flashing lights baby i want you [ cheers and applause ] >> this song is a business transaction, i believe that happened. someone loaned someone some cash. [ light laughter ] and either they forgot that they borrowed it or they don't want to pay it. [ cheers and applause ] pay me what you want it don't act like you forgot bitch better have my money [ cheers and applause ] bitch better have my
and tomorrow, will ferrel drops by.effect through noon tuesday tonight: light snow develop with lows in the mid teens to near 20. monday: snow transitions over to a wintry mix of sleet then freezing rain by monday afternoon and evening. highs in the upper 20s and low 30s. monday night: freezing rain
temperatures rising into the mid to upper 30s as warmer air is pulled in with a low pressure moving overhead. tuesday: early morning rain, then partial clearing in the afternoon. highs in the mid 40s. trucks now at eleven.... it's baaaackkk. southwest virginia. see how crews are handling this winter storm. storm team 10 has been tracking the winter weather for the past week. we'll bring you team coverage on the latest road and weather conditions. good evening and thanks for joining us for wsls 10 at eleven. i'm brie jackson. the winter storm is underway! crews around southwest virginia are preparing for snow ... ice and bitter cold temperatures. as you can see here ... workers from roanoke city loaded trucks