tv Charlie Rose CBS February 23, 2013 12:00am-12:35am EST
i'm so happy to see you. >> great to see you, too. >> dave: it's been way to go. thank you very much for being here. you look great. >> thank you very much. >> dave: you look like you're ready to go. have you lost a little weight? >> i'm trying to get back in shape. >> dave: did you let yourself go a little bit? >> i was doing an experiment with mexican food and beer that kind of a johns hopkins-affillated, one-man study that-- >> dave: they were underwriting it? >> yeah, they were going to use it for the olympics if it worked. they tabled the whole idea. so now i'm getting back in shape. but i'm glad to be here. but before we go any further, with all the great things you have on the show, i have to say that i'm a big fan of the sneezing monkey. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i mean, for you guys it's got tab like having a
100-mile-per-hour fastball. >> dave: it is. >> that you can dust off. >> dave: it's our go-to pitch. >> when you have it on the thing for me at home watching i'll spend next five minutes just trying to imitate the monkey. >> dave: really? >> and it's not just the sneeze. it's his reaction. >> dave: it's the reaction. >> to whoever is sitting there. >> dave: he knows that he's done something that will calls attention. >> i think they should show it to people that don't believe in evolution, because i-- >> dave: the lovely thing about this is it actually happened right here, and we were lucky enough to have our cameras rolling. let's have a look at the sneezing monkey right here. i think you'll be pleased. he looks around. looks right around like, what? ( applause ) it's good, isn't it? >> it's great. i always thought it was a doctor's office. >> dave: you thought it was a doctor's office. > office. >> i did. >> dave: let's show that again just for the hell of it. there you go!
it was allergy season. i like the little shift in his seat. "yeah, that was me." >> i'm glad he's not on tonight. that would be a tough act to follow. >> dave: i was wondering when you do a show like this, "enlightened" and you're an important character but you're not in every episode. i don't know what the bilge would be but you come because you're an ex-husband situation. >> right. >> dave: now when you-- when you're in a show like that, do you know everything about the show or do you know just your part of the show? >> well, i'd never done a tv show before, and i made a decision not to read the episodes i was in. not out of laziness but just for my particular brand of art. >> dave: right. >> i felt it would be better if i just knew what was going on in the episodes that i was in. >> dave: so you only yurd part. >> right. and, i mean i've met some other actors-- they're older actors, usually, who only read the scenes they're in.
i'm luke. who are you playing? or we're not in the scene together? nice to meet you. it did kind of backfire on me, though. i went for a wardrobe fitting. this is going back for the second season and i went in and just talking about with the wardrobe person what we're going to wear. and she said, "maybe for scene where you find out your wife is having an affair you could have this jacket on since you're outside." and i said, "what are you talking about, having an affair?" so i didn't know about it. ( laughter ) yeah, and i was-- i took it very personally, not even-- forget the character. i was offended. so laura den started seeing this other guy. they said "you didn't know about it?" i said, "no, i didn't know about it. i most certainly did not know about it." and i said, well, okay, who's the guy?" "oh, it's dermot pupowny, do you know him?"
"yeah, i know him. we're friends. he played my brother in a movie but i guess it's an all bets are off type deal with dermot." i just slumped in a chair and they were trying to raise my spirit and said,"we heard you like corduroys. do you want to try these on?" and i said, "year, i'll try this somecords on." and then you take wardrobe photographs. and in all these photographs i was kind of like... and then when i was leaving, still kind of despondent, they gave me a brand new pair of adidas. they said, "these can be your permanents. they're not even for the show. they're your personals." >> dave: you enjoy those. >> that is tough. i did learn a lesson, though, be a little more thorough. >> dave: so it doesn't knock you down for god's sake. how are the-- your family. i know your older brother has kids. you have nieceys and nephews. >> my older brotherap drew has a couple children, and owen just
has a boy. >> dave: that's great. like a two-year-old boy or something? >> yeah expnjt so you're like the uncle they all love to have around, right? >> yeah, i get along with them all pretty well. ( laughter ) i see them more as my contemporaries, which i'm not sure is such a good thing. no, i definitely-- it definitely has made meantime to have kids. i mean, i feel like i kind of helped raise may oldest nephew, joey. his mother was nalaw school when he was a baby, so he'd kind of be around us guys all time and, yeah, i mean, one thing is we-- there was a lot of swearing going on, because it would just kind of be the guys hanging around. >> dave: in front of the-- >> yeah, in front of joey, who was about four or five, and he apparently went back to his mother and dropped a few "f"bombs. so then we kind of got in trouble, and he said we've got to stop. we can't be cussing around joey.
we tried that and it just didn't work. i said, "look, this is how we talk. us not swear, it's like learning a different language. you're going to have to talk to the kid. you talk to him--" >> dave: yeah, straightep the kid out. >> "you get him to stop sweari swearing." the problem with that was he stopped swearing but he kind of came up with something clever where i'd say, "hey, joey, could you stop kicking my chair." and he'd say, dirty." i'd say, what, is he saying?" he'd bump into something and say, "dirty." we said, "what the hell is he saying?" and he had invented his own swear word which was dirty. he had two weeks where he had us thrown us. we'd say, "you can hand us the remote, joey." and he said, "dirty." and finally with dirty, we had to say, "no more dirty." that was the list. it made you miss the ways that
he just said ( bleep ). >> dave: well, it will be-- it will be interesting to see the child's vocabulary as he goes through-- >> no, he's doing great, honor role. >> dave: oh, is that right? >> he is. ( laughter ). >> dave: to me, you're like a kid. i don't-- your first film was-- how many years ago was it? >> it came out in '97. it was a movie "bottle rocket." >> dave: yeah, "bottle rocket," sure. ( applause ) i don't know how it works now, but in those days i'm sure auditioning. you had to go auditions or was it on recommendation or both? >> we made "bottle rocket" and it didn't come out for a couple years, so i spent a couple of years going on auditions. and not only was i terrible at it-- >> dave: well, is anybody good at auditions? >> i feel like probably some, like, method actors or theater-trained actors are probably better at it. but i also wouldn't get a head shot, which really annoyed my
agent at the time. the head shot-- >> dave: yeah. >. >> kind of pictures of the actors. i'd walk into these audition room, and they'd be stacked to the ceiling. and i'd think to myself i might not ever work in this town but i definitely don't want to be in the stack. >> dave: i admire that. >> yeah, well, i didn't work for a couple of years. and my agent kept saying, "would you get a head shot?" and i said, "yeah, i'm kind of trying to work on this guy cecil beaten to get the photograph." and cecil beaton has been dead since early 60's and i think he only took photographs of the royalty, like the young prince charles, the duke of windsor. though i have incredibly high testosterone levels, my ambition level sometimes is kind of lower than it should be. >> dave: well, you've done pretty well for a fellow with that equation to balance out. but things are get good?
you're having a nights life? you're enjoying yourself? >> everyone is going great. >> dave: you know how long it's been since you were here? it's two and a half years. was that us? >> i can't believe that. i think it was mutual. >> dave: no, no, no. mutual! >> it's like one of those break-ups where, "hey, we're still friends. i look dave." t-okay, let's see the sneezing monkey one more time. ( laughter ) >> dave: that's right, the wind-up, the pitch. luke wilson, everyone. it's called "enlightened." sunday night at 9:30. good to see you again, luke. we'll be right back with dan mintz. ♪
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>> dave: it was whacky a couple of wegz ago. we had the asteroid and them we had meeters. i think one struck in california, maybe there was one in california. and a big one pounded down in the mountains in russia. well, now, because we have something from space, people from all over the world have been gathering there trying to get a hunk of that meteor so it can be examined and we can just, you know, maybe learn a little bit more about things we didn't understand. with that in mind, ladies and gentlemen, i want you to meet a woman who has now some bits of that meteor that landed in the euro mountens and she's here to show them to us tonight. please welcome laura erhlic. laura, please come out here. thank you for being here. right here. ( applause ) ♪ ♪ eed this great, laura. thank you very much for being on the show. >> thank you. >> dave: this meteor, as i
understand, landed in the euro mountains. >> that's correct. in russia. >> dave: is that between europe and asia? >> yes, yes, it is. ( laughter ). >> dave: and you were there when the meteor-- >> no, friends of mine from the university were traveling there, and they bra them back for me. >> dave: so they collected these for you? >> yes, yes. >> was there a scrum of people trying to get bits and pieces? >> i understand it's been quite busy there. people are trying to collect them. >> dave: now, have you been contacted by nasa or anybody? >> not yet, no, no, no, no? a. shall we look at some ofthes? >> sure, sure. >> dave: there's something unusual about these, or to me it's unusual. >> right. >> dave: what is the thing about this that's interesting. >> what i've noticed is that some of them resemble celebrities. ( laughter ). >> really, some of these rocks? >> yes, yes. >> dave: now, i've heard of things like this. we hay guy on ones potatoes or potato chips. >> right, right. >> dave: do you mind if i touch it? >> no, that would be great.
this particular-- this fragment looks like christopher plummer. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> dave: where do i put this? are these radioactive? >> no. >> dave: if they were, you would need special gloves. >> absolutely. this next fragment looks like tom celek. >> dave: we know tom celek. >> i'm sorry, i'm sorey. actually, you have it upside down ( applause ). >> dave: okay, all right, that's good. >> and this next one is also-- this is tom celek but without his mustache. ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> dave: you know, this one i don't really-- i'm kind of
taking your word on this one. i don't really see it. >> you'd be surprised how many people tell me this. . >> dave: when your friends first got these, were they hot? >> no, no, no, no. they were cooled and they had traveled. now this last one here i'll show you, this is alan arkin. >> dave: alan arkin is a great actor. >> right, right. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> dave: there he is. yeah. that's-- that's great, thank you very much. >> thank you. >> that's quite a collection now. will those stay in your private collection? do you donate them? you work at the university? >> no, i'm a day manager at carvel. ( laughter ) >> dave: thank you so much. >> thank you. >> dave: it was a pleasure having you. laura ehrlic, ladies and gentlemen. thank you, that was great, yeah. we'll be right back with dan mintz, everybody. that's fascinating stuff. ♪ ♪
a hairline fracture to the mandible and contusions to the metacarpus. what do you see? um, i see a duck. be more specific. i see the aflac duck. i see the aflac duck out of work and not making any money. i see him moving in with his parents and selling bootleg dvds out of the back of a van. dude, that's your life. remember, aflac will give him cash to help cover his rent, car payments and keep everything as normal as possible. i see lunch. [ monitor beeping ] let's move on. [ male announcer ] find out what a hospital stay could really cost you at aflac.com. anything that touches your face can feel like this. don't let it get to you. ♪ try mach3 sensitive, with three high-definition blades. a closer shave in a single stroke, for less irritation, even on sensitive skin. ♪ get closer to the one you love. ♪ gillette mach3 sensitive. gillette. the best a man can get.
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nice going. thank you, everyone. >> paul: line dance. >> dave: very, very nice. thank you. our next guest is an unusually funny young man. he's joining us tonight for the first time. so i'm glad you're all in a good mood. and you can hear this man, by the way, as one of the voices on the fox show "bob's burgers" every sunday night. here he is. welcome to our stage, dan mintz, everyone. ( applause ) snot th ♪ ♪ >> whenever i ask my parents who their favorite kid is, they always say they don't have a favorite. ( laughter ) which kind of hurts my feelings as an only child. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but i think that batteries are a
lot like breasts. ( laughter ) because if it's double a, it's kind of smaller. if it's b it's bigger. if it's d it's really big. and if it's reg tang larry, you don't want to put your tongue on it. ( laughter ) ( applause ) when i got married and my girlfriend took my last name. and my first name and my social security number. ( laughter ) it's weird how animals that our culture we keep as metz, in other cultures, they will eat those animals. like did you know in japan, they eat fish? ( laughter ) ( applause )
i just got a new e-mail password. you're supposed to suz a series of letters and nabs mean nothing to you, so i use my anniversary. ( laughter ) ( applause ) my girlfriend and i have sex an average of twice a week. i have sex zero times a week, and she has sex four times a week. ( laughter ) ( applause ) but when it comes to age, i think a woman is like wine. because i love 19-year-old wine. ( laughter ) ( applause ) as a kid now, which is great, it's like i'm reading the sail book over and over again every
night. "how to get out of paying child support by james r. kirkland." ( laughter ) ( applause ) i went to get laser eye surgery, but i didn't have enough money. i had to get taser eye surgery. painful. ( laughter ) it's so awkward when the woman says i love you first. things are still awkward with me and my mom. ( laughter ) i'm actually married. i've been married for 15 years. and my wife is as beautiful as the day we met. we met at a halloween party. she was dressed up as a disgusting old woman. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i used to have shoulder-length
hair. then i stopped going like this... but now that i have a daughter, i really look at women differently. like now, when i see a woman in a revealing outfit, i think, "i wonder if i could use my daughter to get her to talk to me?" ( laughter ) i found the fountain of youth. but it was in mexico so i couldn't drink the water. ( laughter ) ( applause ) the other day, i thought i lost my 14th century japanese samurai armor. turns out i was wearing it the whole time. ( laughter ) thank you. ♪ ♪
this is my friend diane. she's played by the rules her whole life. but then the rules flew right out the window. having just lost her husband, she stepped up and adopted her three grandkids, while working full time and caring for her brother, eddie, with cerebral palsy. i get the three children up. i walk andrew at eight i drop olivia off at eight thirty. spend a few minutes at emilio's school. i stop at the grocery store, and then i might do some laundry that has to be done. and then i have about five minutes. the baby sitter comes in and then i go to work. i'm not back home again until 11:30 at night. hard as she works, it's still a struggle to keep up with the bills and stay warm at night. when we asked the biggest oil companies to help families in need, only citgo, the people of venezuela, and president hugo chavez responded. thanks to them, citizens energy is able to deliver millions of gallons of fuel to families just like diane's. i'm joe kennedy. if you need help staying warm this winter, call me at 1-877-joe-4-oil. because no one should be left out in the cold!
♪ i'm waking up to ash and dust i wipe my brow and i sweat my ♪ ♪ rust i'm breathing in the chemicals ♪ ♪ i'm breaking in shaping up ♪ ♪ then checking out on the prison bus ♪ ♪ this is it the apocalypse whoa ♪ ♪ i'm waking up i feel it in my bones ♪ ♪ enough to make my systems blow welcome to the new age ♪ ♪ to the new age welcome to the new age ♪ ♪ to the new age whoa ♪ ♪ whoa i'm radioactive ♪ ♪ radioactive whoa ♪ ♪ whoa i'm radioactive ♪ ♪ radioactive