. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: wooo! hi, how are you! yeah! >> thai, joe! thank you, lewis! ( applause ) please, have a seat. you're very kind. sit down, thank you so much, everybody. thanks for being here. welcome to "the late show." is i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen, we are getting more revelations right now, about donald trump's former doctor, harold bornstein. hello! you know that during presidential campaigns, candidates always release their health records to prove they're healthy enough for the hardest job in the world. well, you may remember that instead of a medical report, bornstein released a one-page letter boasting of trump's physical fitness. but now, trump has kicked him to the curb, so the doctor has revealed that trump dictated his glowing health letter. laugh okay, that's what he says. that's what he says! but let's not rush to judgment. maybe trump didn't write it. let me try something. "his physical strength and stamina are extraordinary. if electe

live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: thank you very much! hey! welcome please have a seat, everybody. you're very kind. nothing like a fresh audience, jon. they just opened the package on the one, they're still crisp. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. happy national day of prayer. >> jon: that's right, that's right. >> stephen: you know, i don't know why it's just one day because every morning since the election i wake up and scream, "oh, dear god!" ( laughter ) do something! and trump talked about how important faith is to other people. >> i want to thank vice president mike pence and karen for joining us, very special people, thank you very much. ( applause ) we are truly blessed to have a vice president and a second lady who believe in the power of prayer and the glory of god, and they do believe. i'm with them a lot. they believe. it's true. >> stephen: "they won't shut up about it. i'm with them a lot. i'm breathing i

day! plus, stephen welcomes james comey and musical guest jason aldean. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan ea

leon bridges, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! thanks, everybody! welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) if you watch this show and i hope you do, i give the president a lot of the business, you know the zingers, but it's nice when you see good things happen in trump's america. for instance, early this morning, the three american hostages freed by north korea landed safely in the united states. ( cheers and applause ) >> great news. welcome home. got to give it up when good things happen. the president was there to meet the freed men, along with melania, who's hoping to be freed next. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) trump made some brief remarks. pretty simple. all he had to do was not thank the murderous dictator who had imprisoned these men in a windowless black hole. >> we want to thank kim jong-un who really was excellent to these three incredible people. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: n

sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: wooo! beautiful! what do you want! hey, everybody! thanks so much. ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) there is just so much news coming out of the white house these days, and some of it they actually want you to know. that news is called leaks. ( laughter ) and right now, the trump administration is obsessed with them. it all started with a horrible comment about john mccain made by white house aide and flight attendant telling you to get back to coach, kelly sadler. ( laughter ) after the ailing senator announced that he opposed trump's pick for the c.i.a., gina haspel, sadler said of mccain, "it doesn't matter. he's dying anyway." ( booing ) kelly, you don't know that for sure. medical science can do wonders. though, sadly for you, there's no cure for (bleep). ( cheers and applause ) stitch it up. you could stitch it up. sadler called meghan mccain, but she's never publicly apologized, and neither has the white house.

now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hello! hey! whoa, whoa! ( cheers and applause ) thank you, everybody! hey! please! i love it. oh, man. listen, that's a thursday audience right there. >> jon: good vibes on thursday! >> stephen: alive on this planet! ( cheering ) welcome to the "late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheering ) you know, the world continues to wait with baited breath and fully stocked bomb shelters to see if trump will have that summit with north korean dictator and bored mozzarella ball, kim jong-un. ( laughter ) trump is hoping that he can convince kim to end his country's nuclear program. and if trump is successful, it will be a monumental achievement. just ask him. >> do you deserve the nobel prize, do you think? >> everyone thinks so, but i would never say it. >> stephen: you just said it! that's you saying it! that's like standing up in a theater and shouting: "fire! fire! everybody's saying there's fire! i would never say it." ( laughter ) but now

. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much. hey, everyone! it's friday! friday! thank you, everybody, thanks so much! that's amazing. that is amazing. the electricity-- the electricity in this room. that is the dictionary dove nifgz a friday audience right there. ( cheers and applause ) these people-- these people-- these people should be preserved and brought over to the national treasures! ( cheers ) and they're all-- they're all-- they're all so physically attractive too! >> jon: looking good. looking good. looking good. >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) listen, folks -- just a quick programming note: a reminder, sunday is mother's day. or as mike pence called it, "karen's day." we're also less than six months away from the 2018 midterm elections, when democrats are hoping to take back the house and possibly even the senate-- ( cheers and applause ) but-- but-- but-- and it's a big but-- but republicans are

and jay balvin, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome to the show! right down the middle! ( cheers and applause ) hey, everybody! please have a seat! please have a seat, ladies and gentlemen! welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. i'm excited, too. happy one-year anniversary of the mueller investigation! ( cheers and applause ) yeah. it's special. special night. i got you this monologue. and the senate gave us all something yesterday. remember the infamous trump tower meeting between kremlin lawyer natalia veselnitskaya? ♪ ( laughter ) she met with donald trump, jr., jared kushner, and paul manafort-- or as i call them, the three coll-ooges. ( laughter ) well, yesterday, the senate judiciary committee released 2,500 hundred pages on that trump tower meeting. 2,500 pages? man, it's going to take a long time for donald trump jr. to tweet those out! ( laughter ) now, the documented purpo

. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, how are you! gorgeous! gorgeous! ( cheers and applause ) hey, everybody! what's going on? welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen-- ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. happy hump day. i am so excited. this is my excited face. i am so excited. because tomorrow-- did you know this-- tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the mueller investigation. ( cheers and applause ) he was appointed one year from tomorrow? of course, the first is anniversary is typically the paper anniversary, and with any luck, that is is what mueller is going to be serving donald trump with. a grand jury has been impaneled in washington, and by law it has to be a jury of donald trump's peers, so it's sean hannity, the cast of "shark tank," and a cheeseburger. ( laughter ) you are what you eat. ( applause ) meanwhile, way on the other side of town, the president himself is freaking out. according to one confidant, trump complains ab

sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: woooo! hey! how are you? >> stephen: thank you, sir! thank you very much! please, sit down, everybody! thank you very much. welcome, in here out there, all the ships at sea. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. folks, can you feel the greatness in the air tonight? because right now, as we tape the show, president trump is in new york city having dinner with supporters. well, it's new york, so supporter. ( laughter ) bon appetit, sean hannity. ( laughter ) mwah! of course, we all know the big story today-- last two days. trump is calling the one informant that the f.b.i. used to find out if the trump campaign was colluding with the russians, "a nest of spies." and the reviews are in on this thriller. "new york magazine" raves, "trump's f.b.i. spy theory is completely insane." cnn says, "donald trump turned a rumor into a full-blown government conspiracy in just five days," and "the new jersey star ledger" adds, "trump stands in middle of 5th ave., shoots american justice."

and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: thank you very much! beautiful! welcome. welcome, one and all. please, have a seat, everybody. sit down. thank you, so much. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) you know, we have passed certain milestones on trump's highway to american greatness. ( laughter ) sometimes you just have to pull the car over, get a breath of fresh air, maybe puke in the grass. ( laughter ) today is one such day, because the president of the united states has ordered the people investigating him to investigate their investigation of him ( laughter ) yesterday, donald trump summoned deputy attorney general rod rosenstein and f.b.i. director christopher wray to the white house "to pressure them to turn over to congress information about the origins of the f.b.i. investigation into his own campaign." to catch the criminal, he must become the criminal. ( laughter ) oh, so he's the cr

, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! how are ya? over there, down there, over there, hello! ( cheering ) hey! thank you so much, everybody! please, have a seat. man, that is -- you know what that is? that's a monday crowd. you can't fake that. >> jon: that's right, that's right. >> stephen: amazings. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheering ) i hope you had a good weekend. obviously everybody got up to watch the royal wedding on saturday, right? ( cheers and applause ) yeah, me, too. you know, back here in the states, donald trump is obsessed with his staff leaking information. you know how i know that? his staff leaked that information to the "new york times." ( laughter ) trump is now determined to stop it at all costs. in fact, west wing aides are instructed to drop their personal phones into a small storage locker when they come to work. wait a second! ( laughter ) they're taking away t

. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: wooo! hey, how are you? >> stephen: lovely! hey, how are you! wow! oh, my gosh. thank you, thank you for chanting my name. you know what i wanted for my birthday. thank you so much. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. folks, i don't know about you, but i've got a lot of things i'd ask donald trump, and now i know robert mueller does, too. because the succeedin' "new york times" got their hands on all the questions that robert mueller wants to ask president trump. oh, come on! don't print them. if trump sees the questions in advance, he'll cheat! "did i collude with the russians? well, obviously, i... did not." ( laughter ) is that what we're looking for?" apparently, in the beginning of march, mueller's team called trump's lawyers to give them a preview of the questions. the lawyers took notes, and then somehow those notes wound up at "the new york times." trump wants to pin the blame on mueller, but mueller's former assistant says gr

guest jack white, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey! how are ya? ( cheers and applause ) yes, sir. jon! ( cheers and applause ) ( rim shot ) >> stephen: thank you very much! up there! down there! please, have a seat, everybody! thank you very much! welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. >> jon: friday vibes! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: friday crowd. can't fake that. i hope everybody has big plans for the weekend because tomorrow is cinco de mayo. ( cheers and applause ) it's the holiday where we celebrate mexican culture the way we celebrate all cultures in america, by getting hammered on culturally appropriate liquor. ( cheers and applause ) please celebrate responsibly. for the second year in a row, the white house is not celebrating cinco de mayo, which is sad because trump used to celebrate the holiday in the traditional way-- by posing with a trump tower taco bowl. but that was two years ago, and now

sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: whoo! thank you very much! thank you, sir and ma'am! thank you! how are you? please have a seat, everybody! welcome, one and all, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. you know, most nights i come out here and make jokes about the news from washington. well, tonight, the news from washington is about jokes-- who can tell them and who can take them. telling them at saturday's white house correspondents' dinner circle-of-jerks was comedian michelle wolf. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) from the sound of that, none of you attended. ( laughter ) she didn't pull any punches, and some people were offended by what she had to say. presumably, those people who have been in a coma for the past two-and-a-half years. ( laughter ) "ugh-- they just revived me at 8:58 p.m. on saturday night. who is this vulgar woman? president hillary clinton must be so offended." ( laughter ) and at this event roasting the administration and the media, y'know who got mad? the admini

human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! highway are you? just a little more. thank you so much. please, have a seat, everybody. thanks so much. well, ladies and gentlemen, and children of all ages. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. well, after years of saying he was going to do it, he did it. and today he told us he was doing it. >> i am announcing today that the united states will withdraw from the iran nuclear deal. the united states no longer makes empty threats. when i make promises, i keep them. >> stephen: "well, my lawyer keeps them on my behalf, but i pay him back eventually." ( laughter ) and what are you talking about? what are you talking about! you literally just backed out of an american promise! that's like saying, "i'm no longer denying my alcoholism. let's drink to that!" ( laughter ) ( applause ) laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) now-- magic! magic. nobody wants iran to have nuclear weapons. that's what the treaty was supposed to stop. but

playing ) >> stephen: welcome to the ed sullivan theater. >> well, they told me about the dome. isn't it amazing? >> stephen: yeah, yeah. we get to change it everyday. it's all digital projection. >> wow. oh, no! >> stephen: yeah, it was covered over for many, many years from the 1970s until recently. it was a beautiful 1970s theater. >> someone was telling me. amazing. >> stephen: well nice to have a star of stage and screen in here. you have two oscars and a long, acting in career. not as long as some would want it because in '92 you stood as a member of parliament and served 20 years. why did you want to go into politics? >> because my country was being destroyed by margaret thatcher. i'm a supporting member of the labor party and my country was being destroyed by margaret thatcher. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: not a fan of margaret thatcher? >> well, anything i could have done that was legal to get her out of office and her government i was prepared to have a go at it. i have been working more publicly for the labor parties since the mid 70s. i wasn't sure if i was a name y

." and, now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome to "the late show." welcome to "the late show." welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) our thoughts are with the people of the big island of hawaii, and we hope everybody stays safe because there's trouble in paradise tonight. the kilauea volcano has been spewing lava all weekend. luckily, nobody is hurt. okay. kids, this is why you pretend the floor is lava. it's a practice drill. "okay, you got to get from the couch to the dresser without touching the floor!" it's serious -- tell mom and dad, it's serious stuff. and this is some scary stuff-- just check out this footage of the lava flow completely consuming a car. it was parked by the highway. that's going to be tough to explain to the rental place. ( laughter ) "okay, on the forms we indicated there was a slight scratch on the passenger side door panel when you picked it up. and now... it looks like the car is

human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: woo! hey! ( cheers and applause ) right over there! that's really nice. hey, everybody! please have a seat. that-- now, that is a good audience. that right there is a good audience. i didn't think it was possible but they might be better than last night's audience right now. ( cheers and applause ) not only are they louder, not only are they more excited, they're more attractive than last night's audience. >> jon: i know! >> stephen: they just keep getting prettier. ( cheers and applause ) well, welcome to "the late show," i'm your host stephen colbert, and it is friday. it is friday. ( cheers and applause ) thank you, lord. thank you, lord. it is friday. everybody have big plans for the weekend? a lot going on this weekend. ( cheering ) you got anything going on, jon, this weekend? >> jon: yeah, i'm going to church going to eat some food. celebrate easter. >> stephen: going to church, good for you. that's good. i'm going to eat my

and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, sir! hey, everybody! welcome tolet" late show," everybody. thanks so much, everybody. welcome to "the late show"." i'm your host, stephen colbert. absolutely beautiful day here in new york. unless you're trump attorney and man who looks how cigarettes smell, michael cohen. because last night, stormy daniels lawyer michael avenatti stormed the internet with what appeared to be michael cohen's bank statements and said, cohen was "selling access to the president of the united states." man, if only robert mueller could afford that. ( laughter ) darn it! the bank statements belong to the company cohen set up to silence stormy daniels: essential consultants l.l.c., because "porn star payoffs, incorporated" was taken. ( laughter ) and the details, as i've heard them are, pretty damning. for instance, after the inauguration, cohen got $500,000 from a russian oligarch. half a mil. or as donald trump calls it: "three and a half porn stars!

, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: stay down! please, sit down! you're too kind. there you go. well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) and i am happy to see all of you. it is our first day back from a break. we were thinking of not coming back because... uh... everything. but i decided to come back because i missed you, and to celebrate the first day of work for new national security advisor and frontier doctor asking you to bite down on this strip of leather, john bolton. he started work 14.5 hours ago, and are we at war yet? admirable restraint. thank you, sir. and since i was off last week, i barely checked the news. i know it's my job to stay informed, but i did not once think about donald trump's penis. ( laughter ) that's on me. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: you've got to clear the air sometimes. >> stephen: well, that's all about to change in tonight's "stormy watch." ( cheering ) ♪ ♪ as long-time stormy watchers

human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: woo! hello! how are you? ( cheers and applause ) there was something. there was something different in there. you threw me. hey, everybody! how are you? welcome, welcome, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. first of all-- ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. happy comey day, everybody. because mere moments from now, one commercial break from now, i'm going to be sitting down over there with former f.b.i. director james comey, and i'm going to ask him all the important questions. is there a pee pee tape? ( laughter ) does he believe his firing constituted obstruction of justice? can you get that thing off the top shelf for me? ( laughter ) now-- it's the pee pee tape. can you get it off there? ( laughter ) now, his book is about maintaining high ethical standards in public office, which brings us to tonight's "stormy watch." ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ everyone is still reeling from yesterday's court heari

appearance by j.j. abrams, featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: woo! thank you very much! hey! hey, welcome please have a seat, everybody! you're very kind. oh, there's nothing like a fresh audience, jon. ( laughter ) they just opened the package on this one, and they're still crisp. >> jon: uh-huh. >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." ladies and gentlemen, i'm your host, stephen colbert. first of all-- ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. >> jon: there he is. >> stephen: first of all, happy national day of prayer. >> jon: yes, that's right, that's right. >> stephen: you know, i don't know why it's just one day, because every morning since the election i wake up and scream, "oh, dear god!" ( laughter ) >> jon: we need a year. >> stephen: do something! ( laughter ) and trump's talk today-- in the rose garden? --or the national prayer breakfast, he talked today about how important faith is to other people. >> i want to thank vice president mike pence and k

apologize on behalf of the office. >> all right. alaska republican senator dan sullivan tweeted yesterday, making light of this is simply sad and speaks more broadly to the low levels of civil discourse that have infected our politics on both sides of the aisle. he added sadler should show respect and apologize. sadler apologized to meghan mccain privately. white house press secretary sarah sanders declined to comment other than to say sadler is still employed at the white house. >> it's not going anywhere because, according to meghan mccain, kelly sadler said she'd apologize publicly and i think they're still waiting for that to happen. >> the question is, why hasn't it happened? we've heard a lot about be best. lindsey graham, be big. >>> less than a week before prince harry and meghan markle's wedding. they're getting married on saturday. roxana saberi takes us back to the beginning of the love story that started with a matchmaker. >> before they chose windsor as the place to get married, they used to come here on secret getaways early in their relationship. we'll show you ho