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8.0
Feb 8, 2016
02/16
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KMEG
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>> stephen, i am the president. and it turns out all the super bowl winners for the next 50 years are written on the back of the constitution. ( laughter that's the plot of "national treasure 3." >> stephen: sir, there is no "national treasure 3." >> tt's what you think. there will be. the script is on the back of the declaration of independence. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, thank you for joining us. thank you for joining us, even by pretape, sir. now i'm afraid i'm going to need that ball back. >> absolutely. get ready. i'm going to put s se m mtard on this one. ooooh! uh-oh. >> all right, everybody, let move. i want to see your very best super bowl touchdown dance. come on. skews me! who is throwing a football in the white house? >> oooooh. ( laughter ) ( applausese >> live from the ed sullivan theater in new york, new york, it's "the late show" postgame super show." let's get it on. >> stephen: yeah! yeah! oh, yeah! thanks so much, everybody. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: oh, feeling good. oh, thank you. ( cheers and applalae ) fantast
>> stephen, i am the president. and it turns out all the super bowl winners for the next 50 years are written on the back of the constitution. ( laughter that's the plot of "national treasure 3." >> stephen: sir, there is no "national treasure 3." >> tt's what you think. there will be. the script is on the back of the declaration of independence. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, thank you for joining us. thank you for joining us, even by...
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this is not actually live. this is a pretape we shot last week. ( laughter ). >> stephen: sir, with all due respect, i've made a really big deal about the fact this is a live show tonight. i've-- i really find it hard to believe that you are pretaped. >> all right, i'm going to prove it to you. come on out here. >> stephen: hey, man. good luck with the live show. that's a lot of pressure. glad i'm not you. >> you see. >> stephen: okay, i stand corrected. ( laughter ) so let me get this straight-- you don't even know who won the game, sir? >> i didn't say that. of course, i do. it was the denver broncos. >> stephen: what! if it was a pretape, how could you possibly know that? >> stephen, i am the president. and it turns out all the super bowl winners for the next 50 years are written on the back of the constitution. ( laughter ) that's the plot of "national treasure 3." >> stephen: sir, there is no "national treasure 3." >> that's what you think. there will be. the script is on the back of the declaration of independence. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, thank you for joinin
this is not actually live. this is a pretape we shot last week. ( laughter ). >> stephen: sir, with all due respect, i've made a really big deal about the fact this is a live show tonight. i've-- i really find it hard to believe that you are pretaped. >> all right, i'm going to prove it to you. come on out here. >> stephen: hey, man. good luck with the live show. that's a lot of pressure. glad i'm not you. >> you see. >> stephen: okay, i stand corrected. ( laughter...
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417
Feb 10, 2016
02/16
by
KYW
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eye 417
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night, family and sleep well. >> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." thank you very much. thank you, jon. thank you, humans. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. welcome to the show, everybody. good to have you here! thanks so much. thanks, everybody. qswelcome to "the late show"." i'm your host, stephen colbert. it's mardi gras. that means fat tuesday, right? >> jon: that's right. >> stephen: or as it's known in america, tuesday. of course, mardi gras, the last day before the beginning of lent, so catholics like me have a religious obligation to eat and then drink and then plead for god's morsi on "my mouth feels like it's full of ash wednesday." now, jon, you're from new orleans, right? "nawleons," right? am i pronouncing that correctly? >> jon: you got to work on that one. >> stephen: what's the right way to say it? >> jon: new orleans. >> stephen: what do i need to know about mardi gras? what are some of the traditions down there that are re
night, family and sleep well. >> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." thank you very much. thank you, jon. thank you, humans. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thanks, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. welcome to the show, everybody. good to have you here! thanks so much. thanks, everybody. qswelcome to "the late show"." i'm your host, stephen...
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Feb 19, 2016
02/16
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WUSA
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eye 78
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>> jon: stephen colbert! color="#ffff00">captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ ( band playing "late show" theme ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey, everybody! whoo! hey! welcome to "the late show"! (cheers and applause) hello, everybody! (audience chanting stephen) down here, up there, up there, right there, out there! thanks so much, everybody! welcome to "the late show"! (cheers and applause) welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. shocking news tonight going to get the big celebrity feud everyone is talking about: donald trump versus the pope. and as america's foremost catholic, let me explain what happened. the pope is in mexico right now, where he was asked about donald trump's plan to build a border wall. and his holiness said, quote: "a person who thinks only about building walls wherever they may be and not of building bridges is not christian. this man is not christian if he has said things like that." (cheers and applause) then trump's okay because he has not
>> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ ( band playing "late show" theme ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey, everybody! whoo! hey! welcome to "the late show"! (cheers and applause) hello, everybody! (audience chanting stephen) down here, up there, up there, right there, out there! thanks so much, everybody! welcome to "the late show"! (cheers and applause) welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert....
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Feb 8, 2016
02/16
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WLTX
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eye 29
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>> stephen: what! if it was a pretape, how could you possibly know that? >> stephen, i am the president. and it turns out all the super bowl winners for the next 50 years are written on the back of the constitution. ( laughter ) that's the plot of "national treasure 3." >> stephen: sir, there is no "national treasure 3." >> that's what you think. there will be. the script is on the back of the declaration of independence. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: well, thank you for joining us. thank you for joining us, even by pretape, sir. now i'm afraid i'm going to need that ball back. >> absolutely. get ready. i'm going to put some mustard on this one. ooooh! uh-oh. >> all right, everybody, let's move. i want to see your very best super bowl touchdown dance. come on. skews me! who is throwing a football in the white house? >> oooooh. ( laughter ) >> stephen: hey! >> live from the ed sullivan theater in new york, new york, it's "the late show" postgame super show." let's get it on. >> stephen: yeah! yeah! oh, yeah! thanks so much, everybody. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen
>> stephen: what! if it was a pretape, how could you possibly know that? >> stephen, i am the president. and it turns out all the super bowl winners for the next 50 years are written on the back of the constitution. ( laughter ) that's the plot of "national treasure 3." >> stephen: sir, there is no "national treasure 3." >> that's what you think. there will be. the script is on the back of the declaration of independence. ( cheers and applause )...
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Feb 19, 2016
02/16
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KLAS
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eye 21
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, stephen colbert. shocking news tonight going to get the big celebrity feud everyone is talking about: donald trump versus the pope. and as america's foremost catholic, let me explain what happened. the pope is in mexico right now, where he was asked about donald trump's plan to build a border wall. and his holiness said, quote: "a person who thinks only about building walls wherever they may be and not of building bridges is not christian. this man is not christian if he has said things like that." (cheers and applause) then trump's okay because he has not said things like that. he has said exactly that. (laughter) okay. because trump wants to build a wall around this country. i wonder where he could have maybe the vatican?! (laughter) (applause) boom! (applause) i am in trouble. (laughter) of course, donald trump responded immediately. >> so the mexican government fed the pope a tremendous amount of stuff about "trump is not a good person." and the pope just-- can you i just got a call, as i'm walking up here. made a statement about you." i said, "the pope? what did the pope say?" i
, stephen colbert. shocking news tonight going to get the big celebrity feud everyone is talking about: donald trump versus the pope. and as america's foremost catholic, let me explain what happened. the pope is in mexico right now, where he was asked about donald trump's plan to build a border wall. and his holiness said, quote: "a person who thinks only about building walls wherever they may be and not of building bridges is not christian. this man is not christian if he has said things...
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7.0
Feb 12, 2016
02/16
by
WBZ
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eye 7
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playing "late show" theme ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey everybody, welcome to "the late show", i'm hi, paul, how are ya? (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen! welcome to "the late show." i'm mister colbert, but i'm a cool host, so you kids can call me stephen. and i hope you're all sitting down because j.k. rowling has announced that there will be a new harry potter book... ish. it's not a book. it's the script of the upcoming play, "harry potter and the cursed child." and i know what you're thinking, but it's not about harry's friendship with mccaulay culkin. the play actually takes place 19 years after the last book, and features a thirty-something harry balancing his job at the ministry of magic with being a that just sounds depressing. i love we'll get something else about that whole world, but harry potter's life peaked when he was 17. captain of the quidditch team, big "chosen one" on campus. now he's just some ... guy! who are his enemies even going to be? phil from accounting? slowing metabolism? a vague restless feeling when he looks at travel poster
playing "late show" theme ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: hey everybody, welcome to "the late show", i'm hi, paul, how are ya? (cheers and applause) thank you, ladies and gentlemen! welcome to "the late show." i'm mister colbert, but i'm a cool host, so you kids can call me stephen. and i hope you're all sitting down because j.k. rowling has announced that there will be a new harry potter book... ish. it's not a book. it's the script of the upcoming...
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6.0
Feb 13, 2016
02/16
by
WTSP
tv
eye 6
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>> jon: stephen colbert! ( band playing "late show" theme ) captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: hey, hey. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) inspirational. >> jon: yeah, yeah. >> stephen: thanks, everybody. awfully nice, welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) thank you so much. welcome to "the late show." i'm stephen colbert. happy martin luther king day, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) happy martin luther king day. happy martin luther king day. did you get me anything? get me anything, jon? >> jon: what's that? >> stephen: did you get me anything for martin luther king day? i checked under my martin luther king day tree this morning and there was nothing there. >> jon: i tweeted. >> stephen: you tweeted? did you tweet for martin luther king day? >> jon: yeah, i did. >> stephen: what did you say? >> jon: i was like, thank you dr. king. ( laughter ) >> stephen: that's good. keep it simple. keep it simple
>> jon: stephen colbert! ( band playing "late show" theme ) captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: hey, hey. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) inspirational. >> jon: yeah, yeah. >> stephen: thanks, everybody. awfully nice, welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. ( cheers and...
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13
Feb 18, 2016
02/16
by
WTSP
tv
eye 13
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captioning sponsored by cbs >> jon: stephen colbert! ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: hey! thank you, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hey, welcome to "the late show"." >> stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: that's very nice. please, have a seat, everybody. >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." you spoil me. you spoil me. welcome to "the late show." you jon, grace. pleads, welcome. i'm stephen colbert. did you guys watch the westminster dog show this weekend? i love it. it's like the grammys, but with dogs, and less public urination. and yesterday, they announced the best-in-show winner, a german short-haired pointer named c.j. look at that beautiful dog! ( applause ) finally answering the age-old question, "who's a good boy?" ( laughter ) c.j. is. it's c.j. right now. now, we would have loved to have had c.j. on the show tonight, but he couldn't make it. he was out all night sniffing butt. ( laughter ) that's a tough hangover. but we do have some special guests tonight. see, we are an office that alowlz dogs, which is kind of rare in new york city. and we have
captioning sponsored by cbs >> jon: stephen colbert! ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: hey! thank you, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) hey, welcome to "the late show"." >> stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: that's very nice. please, have a seat, everybody. >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." you spoil me. you spoil me. welcome to "the late show." you jon, grace. pleads, welcome. i'm stephen...
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Feb 25, 2016
02/16
by
KPIX
tv
eye 85
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sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome to "the late show." ( cheers and applause ) thanks so much! hey! as if i have to ask-- welcome to "the late show,"" i'm stephen colbert. i don't think i have to ask-- how is everybody feeling tonight? ( cheers and applause ) i'm so happy to hear that. we were talking about this before the show. there's so much stress in the world right now, what with the election, and the strife abroad. so when i feel overwhelmed by everything, like i do right now, i do this one thing-- and we talked about it the other night on the show with my good friend casey affleck. i like to go on my computer and get the live feed from the international space station. in fact, if you watched my live super bowl show, you saw me check in with astronaut scott kelly, who has been up there for almost a year. i mean a year. i'm not even sure if he knows what a quesalupa is. just like the people who eat it. nono idea. well, the space station also has cameras on the outside, which stream onlin
sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome to "the late show." ( cheers and applause ) thanks so much! hey! as if i have to ask-- welcome to "the late show,"" i'm stephen colbert. i don't think i have to ask-- how is everybody feeling tonight? ( cheers and applause ) i'm so happy to hear that. we were talking about this before the show. there's so much stress in the...
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18
Feb 8, 2016
02/16
by
WKRC
tv
eye 18
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>> stephen: fair enough. sir, what was your favorite part of tonight game? >> probably when the winning team sealed the deal with the touchdown thanks to the guy who was really good. >> stephen: sir, that's incredibly vague. are you sure that you watched the game? >> well, look, you caught me. this is not actually live. this is a pretape we shot last week. ( laughter ). >> stephen: sir, with all due respect, i've made a really big deal about the fact this is a live show tonight. i've-- i really find it hard to believe that you are pretaped. >> all right, i'm going to prove it to you. come on out here. >> stephen: hey, man. good luck with the live show. that's a lot of pressure. glad i'm not you. >> you see. >> stephen: okay, i stand corrected. ( laughter ) so let me get this straight-- you don't even know who won the game, sir? >> i didn't say that. of course, i do. it was the denver broncos. >> stephen: what! if it was a pretape, how could you possibly know that? >> stephen, i am the president. and it turns out all the super bowl winners for the next 50 the constitution. ( laug
>> stephen: fair enough. sir, what was your favorite part of tonight game? >> probably when the winning team sealed the deal with the touchdown thanks to the guy who was really good. >> stephen: sir, that's incredibly vague. are you sure that you watched the game? >> well, look, you caught me. this is not actually live. this is a pretape we shot last week. ( laughter ). >> stephen: sir, with all due respect, i've made a really big deal about the fact this is a live...
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532
Feb 20, 2016
02/16
by
KYW
tv
eye 532
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>> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) thanks, everybody. please! welcome to "the late show." hello, jon! i am your host, stephen colbert. what a beautiful crowd we have here tonight. and we've got some very special audience members tonight. they're joining us from the united states coast guard reserve, everybody. please, give them a hand over there. ( applause ) thank you so much for being here. ladies and gentlemen of the coast guard. thank you for dressing up in your dress blues. you look lovely. today is the 75th anniversary of the coast guard reserve, and i'm glad they're here so no one can smuggle drugs in a speedboat through my front row. thank you for your service. thank you for guarding our coasts. so is everybody excited for the weekend? ( cheers and applause ) i am. are you guys going to have fun? i am completely pumped because tomorrow is the democratic primary in nevada, and the big que
>> jon: stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) thanks, everybody. please! welcome to "the late show." hello, jon! i am your host, stephen colbert. what a beautiful crowd we have here tonight. and we've got some very special audience members tonight. they're joining us from the...
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13
Feb 16, 2016
02/16
by
WBTV
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eye 13
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captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> announcer: stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: good evening, everybody! whoo! welcome to "the late show"! we're here! we're doing the show! (cheers and applause) (audience chanting stephen) (cheers and applause) thanks, everybody! thank you so much! as i said, welcome to "the late show." i am proud to be your host, stephen colbert. happy president's day. (cheers and applause) all of them, equally good. and keep in mind, one of the people running for president right now, one day we will be celebrating with a half-off mattress sale. (laughter) all right, it's a real honor. of course, this time last year going to be hillary clinton. she was a lock. but she's still reeling from getting trounced by bernie sanders in new hampshire last week. bernie won 83% of young voters. (cheers and applause) the only group hillary won was voters over 65. so she may not have won new hampshire, but she definitely won old hampshire. (laughter) okay. but they're nimble. her team is nimble. so her team sprung into action
captioning sponsored by cbs ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> announcer: stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: good evening, everybody! whoo! welcome to "the late show"! we're here! we're doing the show! (cheers and applause) (audience chanting stephen) (cheers and applause) thanks, everybody! thank you so much! as i said, welcome to "the late show." i am proud to be your host, stephen colbert. happy president's day. (cheers and...
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16
Feb 23, 2016
02/16
by
WCBS
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eye 16
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show with stephen colbert >> jon: stephen colbert! ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen! thank you, joe! thank you, john! thank you, mark! (cheers and applause) hey! (cheers and applause) welcome to the late show. i'm stephen colbert. well, there are some big science this has been the hottest winter on record. scientists have discovered gravitational waves. but tonight i want to talk about a more important story: horses can read our minds. (laughter) don't panic. they'll know. a new study from the university of sussex found that horses can recognize human emotions based on our facial expressions. yet another reason you should never play poker with a horse. they never pitch in for the pizza. i won't have it. you know what this means? those central park carriage horses know when i'm depressed -- usually because i'm looking at central park carriage horses. now, this shouldn't have come as a surprise to me. i rode horses when i was a kid, and i was always told "don't act
show with stephen colbert >> jon: stephen colbert! ( band playing intro music ) ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by cbs (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen! thank you, joe! thank you, john! thank you, mark! (cheers and applause) hey! (cheers and applause) welcome to the late show. i'm stephen colbert. well, there are some big science this has been the hottest winter on record. scientists have discovered gravitational waves. but tonight i...
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17
Feb 17, 2016
02/16
by
KGAN
tv
eye 17
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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: you deserve it! you deserve it! thank you. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: jon, how are you? good to see you. ( cheers a a applause ) thank you. thank you very much thanks s s much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. hey! hey! i'm stephen colbert. thank you for being here. i'm throwing hand towels to all these people here because they are soaked to the bone greatest audience in the world, stayed outside for hours in the pouring rain. it is absolutely coming down in sheets. listen t that! >> stephen: i mean, it was raining ally hard. we let these people in two b b two. that's how much it was raining outside. ( laughter ) like that? like that? >> jon: yeah! >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, i don't know if you're aware of this, but donald trump... ( laughter ) -- yeah. yeah, still. he's running for president on the platform of opening his mouth and sayingng thingsgs the one thing that frequently emerges from the trump hole is... ( laughter ) , is the naughty language, t
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: you deserve it! you deserve it! thank you. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: jon, how are you? good to see you. ( cheers a a applause ) thank you. thank you very much thanks s s much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. hey! hey! i'm stephen colbert. thank you for being here. i'm throwing hand towels to all these people here because they are soaked to the...
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16
Feb 27, 2016
02/16
by
WLTX
tv
eye 16
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quote 1
captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: thank you. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. thank you. thank you, sir. thank you! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: hey! thanks so much! welcome to "the late show," everybody. i'm stephen colbert. now, a couple weeks ago... thank you so much. i don't know, friday night, wonderful to be here on friday night. thank you so much for being here. a couple of weeks ago, if you guys watch the show on a regular basis... do you guys watch the show? ( cheers and applause ) that's good to know. now, i told you a few weeks ago, that scientists at cambridge university in england released a study that said it was scientifically impossible for spider-man to walk on walls. okay, i believe it was a ph.d. thesis on destroying my childhood. why do you want to hurt me, cambridge? why destroy my dreams? ( laughter ) given a scalpel, would you dissect a rainbow? ( laughter ) that was hard. that was hard to read. ( cheers and applause ) that was hard to read. it wa
captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: thank you. ( cheers and applause ) welcome to "the late show." thanks, everybody. thank you. thank you, sir. thank you! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: hey! thanks so much! welcome to "the late show," everybody. i'm stephen colbert. now, a couple weeks ago... thank you so much. i don't know, friday night, wonderful to be here on friday night. thank you so...
