. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. and in that case, let's get to the news. today is our last show of 2016, but we'll be back on january 9th, and then cancelled on january 20th. [ laughter and applause ]

night with seth meyers." i'm your host seth meyers. and with me i have two of my writers amber and ben, welcome. >> thank you for having us. >> i love talking about "late night with seth meyers." >> seth: okay, great. i love talking about "late night with seth meyers" too. so, let get right to it. during the late-night monologue i made a joke about the news. what do you guys think? let's go to the clip. for an orangutan couple expecting a baby. and if you're curious what they want from crate and barrel, it's the barrel. >> seth: it's a i thought just a fantastic joke, what did you guys think? >> i thought it was an excellent observation. everyone knows donkey kong and they know he loves barrels. >> it's not the crate. it's the barrel. and that's why it's the punch line of the joke. it's a classic. off-guard, ben? when it was the barrel? >> well, i was for sure i was initially thinking, what is this, there's another monkey there. it's like, nope. it was the crate or the barrel. and it was the barrel. [ light l

why seth meyers is the only man who can get taraji p. henson in a trash bag. >> and is arnold struggling to terminate his "celebrity apprentice" stars? >> i'm back. you have to be able to look them in the face and to say, "you're fired." >> now "the insider" tracking hollywood from the inside out. >> the stars received their official invites to hollywood's hottest party of the year as we take you inside is

meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great. in that case let's get to the news, vice president joe biden said yesterday that he may run for office in 2020 telling reporters, quote, "what the hell, man." i don't know how to tell you this joe but we already elected "what the hell, man."

meyers. >> seth: good evening everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. and in that case, let's get to the news. today is our last show of 2016, but we'll be back on january 9th, and then cancelled on january 20th. [ laughter and applause ] there are just three days until christmas when most of us will celebrate the birth of christ, and mike pence will celebrate history's least planned parenthood. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] donald trump's childhood home in new york city is going up for auction three days before his inauguration. wow, just think, you could own the home that donald trump never grew up in. [ light laughter ] the rock band kiss reportedly turned down an offer to perform at donald trump's inauguration, and it's not the first time trump has been refused a kiss. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: "you're my best friend." [ light laughter ] an 11-year-old has set up a stand in a subway station to offer advice to

meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] doing well? fantastic. always nice when people are in a good mood on a monday. let's get to the news. organizers have announced that donald trump will attend 2 inaugural balls during his first week in office. one in washington d.c. and then of course the real one in moscow.

meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight out there? [ cheers and applause ] that is fantastic to hear. in that case let's get to the news. well, there are only four days until christmas. so hillary just choose a tree already. [ laughter ] you've been in the woods long enough.

meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] doing well? fantastic. always nice when people are in a good mood on a monday. let's get to the news. organizers have announced that donald trump will attend 2 inaugural balls during his first week in office. one in washington d.c. and then of course the real one in moscow. [ light laughter ] the cia concluded this weekend that russia mounted an operation to influence the election, and help donald trump win which was exactly when trump realized he has been pronouncing cia wrong. >> ladies and gentlemen, sia. >> seth: cia? [ laughter and applause ] it's not a word. china reportedly flew a nuclear bomber over the south china sea near taiwan in what is being viewed as a show of force against donald trump. but that's not how you get to him china. this is how you get to him. [ laughter and applause ] senate minority leader harry reid recently said in an interview that donald trump is "not as bad as i thought he would be." geez buddy,

, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] that's fantastic. in that case, let's get to the news. after reports surfaced that donald trump's transition team is in disarray, trump tweeted last night saying that he is the

meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight out there? [ cheers and applause ] that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump continued his thank you tour, battle of battle ground states today in pennsylvania and hillary clinton continued her thanks for nothing tour, deeper into the woods. [ laughter ] house republicans stated that even though they plan to vote on repealing obama care early next year, the actual process to replace the law could take all of donald trump's first term. really? it could take six months? all right. [ laughter and applause ] sources say that donald trump attacked "vanity fair" this morning, because the magazine wrote a negative review of his restaurant, saying it serves garbage food. even worse you know it's accurate because this was the reviewer. [ laughter and applause ] donald trump also attacking vanity fair editor, graydon carter, who is the first to suggest trump has small hands. funny, with those tiny hands, you

meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful. wonderful to hear. in that case let's get to the news. well, christmas eve is just five days away and hillary clinton will definitely be visited by three spirits. [

meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight out there? [ cheers and applause ] that is fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump continued his thank you tour, battle of battle ground states today in pennsylvania and hillary clinton continued her thanks for nothing tour, deeper into the woods.

>> seth: it is i, seth meyers. >> what is it you seek? >> seth: i need a joke. >> you go through jokes faster christie. the audience is erupting with laughter. >> seth: can i get a punch line for the gap joke. >> i'll do it but only because i lava you. >> give me the joke. that's a hot joke. get it? i'm a volcano. >> all your jokes are about being a volcano. >> can you put my jokes in the laugh factory. >> seth: what time is it? >> time for to you get a watch! >> seth: i hope this one rk. mip clothing store wen recently. experts say the fire caused over $30 in damage. boom! that's a joke! so we staple it, stamp it, ring the bell, check how the joke raven is doing on its journey. you don't know him, but that's so raven. and we put it in the completed joke bucket. [holiday music] when it's time to deck the halls in here the only place to go for outdoor gifts is cabela's christmas sale. get up to $60 off select game cameras. for everything on their list, shop in-store and online at cabelas.com. y2762y yvpy don't just eat yogurt... wear it. n

[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. news interview since the election. and it's a big sacrifice for him because sunday morning is usually when he tweets about "saturday night live." [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he'll find the time. he'll still find the time. during trumps sunday morning news interview he is expected to discuss the agenda for his first 100 days in office. said trump, wait, i have to be president for a hundred days? [ laughter ] i'm running a business. trump adviser, kellyanne conway, told reporters today that donald trump is a huge elton john fan. that can be cured, said mike pence. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i know you're an elton john fan now. but together we can beat this. [ laughter ] donald trump's team is reportedly desperate for an a-list celebrity to perform at kid rock. besides kid rock is going to be too busy with his new job as secretary of state. [

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night."

. >> bernie sanders on seth meyers last night. >>> when we come back, a look at the stories happening in the day ahead. when standard cancer treatment no longer works

meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. fantastic to hear. in that case let's get to the news. donald trump began his post election victory tour last week. meanwhile, hillary clinton has wandered so far into the woods she found the blair witch. [ light laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. in that case let's get to the news. hillary clinton made her first appearance since the election last night and told the crowd "there had been a few times this past week when all i wanted to do is just to curl up with a good book or our dogs and never

, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] that's fantastic. in that case, let's get to the mexican border, maybe a beaded curtain? [ laughter ] [ applause ] a female astronaut is about to become the oldest woman to fly into space, and this is pretty amazing. she is going to do it without a rocket ship. [ light laughter ] just take off with rage. the mayor of london said recently that if people based in the u.s. want to escap quote, "london is open." said melania, "taxi!" [ light laughter ] actress carrie fisher revealed in her new memoir that she and harrison ford had an affair while filming the original "star wars." but then he went back to using his hand solo. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] denver has become the first city in the u.s. to permit the use of remember the specials now -- [ light laughter ] "i think like a halibut. [ light laughter ] and like something that's almond crusted." [ light laughter ] and finally, according to a new study on migrating tree

>> seth: it is i, seth meyers. >> what is it you seek? >> seth: i need a joke. >> you go through jokes faster than chipotle with chris christie. the audience is erupting with laughter. >> seth: can i get a punch line for the gap joke. >> i'll do it but only because i lava you. >> give me the joke. >> here you go. that's a hot joke. get it? i'm a volcano. >> all your jokes are about being a volcano. >> can you put my jokes in the laugh factory. >> seth: what time is it? >> time for to you get a watch! >> seth: i hope this one worked. a nearly million square foot gap clothing store went up in flame recently. experts say the fire caused over $30 in damage. boom! that's a joke! so we staple it, stamp it, ring the bell, check how the joke raven is doing on its journey. you don't know him, but that's so raven. and we put it in the completed joke bucket. we'll be right back with more late night! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my next guest just released her very first holiday album, "a very kacey christmas." which features four original tr

i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful. just wonderful to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. well, it's official, kanye west doesn't like black people. [ laughter ] that's right. kanye west met with donald trump at trump tower today.

>> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is -- good to hear. in that case let's get to the news. butterball turkey has set up it's annual thanksgiving hotline, where customers can call and ask for help. said one caller, "uh, how do you run a country?" [ laughter ]

meyers. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump this weekend will give his first sunday morning news interview since the election. and it's a big sacrifice for him because sunday morning is usually when he tweets about "saturday night live."

>> seth: it is i, seth meyers. >> what is it you seek? >> seth: i need a joke. >> man, you go through jokes faster than chipotle through chris christie. [ rimshot ] >> seth: yeah, i should have told you, guys, the joke volcano sucks. [ laughter ] >> what are you talking about? the audience is erupting with laughter. [ rimshot ] >> seth: yeah, could i just get, like, one punch line for this gap joke? >> sure, i'll do it for you, seth, but only because i lava you. [ rimshot ] >> seth: just give me the joke. >> fine, here you go. [ flatulence ] [ laughter ] that's a hot joke. you get it? 'cause i'm a volcano. >> seth: yeah, all your jokes are about being a volcano. >> hey, seth, seth, wait, could you please plug my show at the laugh factory? >> seth: yeah, sure. what time is it? >> time for you to get a watch! >> seth: i hope this one works. a nearly million square foot gap clothing store went up in flames recently. experts say the fire caused over $30 in damage. boom! that's a joke! [ laughter and applause ] so we staple it, stamp it, ring

[ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. in that case let's get to the news. hillary clinton made her first appearance since the election last night and told the crowd "there had been a few times this past week when all i wanted to do is just to curl up with a leave the house again." oh, sure, now you're relatable. [ laughter ] a&e has announced that they're canceling the controversial show "duck dynasty." on the bright side, we're getting at least four whole seasons of "dick dynasty." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] was seen today was seen using a selfie stick while posing with a group of house republicans. of course, right after using the selfie stick pence had to go to confession. [ laughter and applause ] the "harry potter" spinoff "fantastic beasts and where to find them" came out today. spoiler alert. they're in a gold tower. [ laughter and applause ] according to a new report, donald tru