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Feb 3, 2018
02/18
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hello, i'm stephen colbert. >> and i'm michael shannon. >> stephen: great news. your generosity allowed us to dynamite the crap out of the historic haunted winfield theater. >> the portal is finally closed, and now we're learning to dwell among the ghosts that escaped. >> stephen: turns out these ghosts have desires like the rest of us... to live, to work, to wander the street in victorian nightgowns, muttering secrets to a porcelain doll. >> but most of all, they desire love, and some of us have fallen in love with them. >> stephen: which is why we want the right to marry them. >> we already have sex with the ghosts, so you may as well let us marry them! >> so, please, when you go to the ballot, vote "yes" on prop 6, to legalize ghost marriage. ( applause ). >> stephen: it's time. it's time. >> time. it's the 21st century for pete's sake. >> i know. i know. wherever love exists, however love exists. >> stephen: we celebrate. and while we were at it, we recorded the next year's, too. >> hi, i'm stephen colbert. >> and i'm michael shannon. >> has your ghost spouse
hello, i'm stephen colbert. >> and i'm michael shannon. >> stephen: great news. your generosity allowed us to dynamite the crap out of the historic haunted winfield theater. >> the portal is finally closed, and now we're learning to dwell among the ghosts that escaped. >> stephen: turns out these ghosts have desires like the rest of us... to live, to work, to wander the street in victorian nightgowns, muttering secrets to a porcelain doll. >> but most of all, they...
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Feb 16, 2018
02/18
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stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. miller, thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about this one? >> page after page after page of the book is pure false. >> stephen: and this one? >> nothing but a pile of trash through and through. ( laughter ) >> stephen: and, finally, this one, stephen colbert's "midnight confessions." >> something magical that's happening in the heart of this country.
stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. miller, thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about...
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Feb 16, 2018
02/18
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stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. miller, thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about this one? >> page after page after page of the book is pure false. >> stephen: and this one? >> nothing but a pile of trash through and through. ( laughter ) >> stephen: and, finally, this one, stephen colbert's "midnight confessions." >> something magical that's happening in the heart of this country. ( applause ) >> stephen: that's very sweet, thank you. but let's get back to the president. do you know him well? >> i had a chance to travel all across the country with the president on trump force one. >> stephen: trump force one is not a thing. you're insane. ( laughter ) >> look, you can be as condescending as you want. >>
stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. miller, thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about...
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colbert -- was stephen colbert offended? i was, like, i think he's going to be okay, but it stayed with me forever and i'm talking about it again with you. >> stephen: all you did is acknowledge that you had had sex. >> yes, i had said something like i don't want to preach what i don't practice, and you were -- i was, like, at the moment, i was, like, this is terribly uncomfortable. >> stephen: i think i might have said something like, how much practice have you had? ( laughter ) >> now maybe this will be our tradition and my parents will be watching tonight, so, fantastic, to bring this up once again. so i'm now a married woman. >> stephen: oh, it's totally fine now. now, how is your dad? >> as everyone probably knows, he has glioblastoma multi-form grade 4, brain cancer. he's in arizona at our ranch doing therapy. he has amazing doctors. he's doing really well. thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) it's a really scary cancer. it's a really, really scary cancer, and it's been -- my family is no different than any oth
colbert -- was stephen colbert offended? i was, like, i think he's going to be okay, but it stayed with me forever and i'm talking about it again with you. >> stephen: all you did is acknowledge that you had had sex. >> yes, i had said something like i don't want to preach what i don't practice, and you were -- i was, like, at the moment, i was, like, this is terribly uncomfortable. >> stephen: i think i might have said something like, how much practice have you had? (...
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trump can still hear you. >> my point exactly, stephen colbert. we were all saying, she knows we can see and hear, right? i'm gayle king with norah o'donnell and john dickerson. >>> the white house says president trump will sign a bipartisan deal this morning ending the second government shutdown in just three weeks. the house passed the bill earlier this morning with support from both parties. nearly one third of republicans voted no. they say the gop is running up the same deficits it criticized former president barack obama for. earlier, protests from kentucky republican senator rand paul tried to slow it down. >> it keeps the government running through march 23rd. it also increases defense and domestic spending for two years and gives more money for the fight against opioid abuse. it does not include language on immigration that many democrats wanted squloo we have new information this morning about former presidential aide rob portder and when the white house knew about accusations he abused his two ex-wives. the staff secretary resigned on w
trump can still hear you. >> my point exactly, stephen colbert. we were all saying, she knows we can see and hear, right? i'm gayle king with norah o'donnell and john dickerson. >>> the white house says president trump will sign a bipartisan deal this morning ending the second government shutdown in just three weeks. the house passed the bill earlier this morning with support from both parties. nearly one third of republicans voted no. they say the gop is running up the same...
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Feb 21, 2018
02/18
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. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." plus, stephen welcomes kirsten gillibrand chris gethard and musical guest portugal, the man. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, how are you? thank you, joe. thank you very much. hey, everybody! thanks so much. you're too kind. ladies and gentlemen, welcome, welcome, one and all, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( applause ) and it can be-- thank you for that-- it can be a rough and depressing world, but this weekend we timely got some news that was good. and it comes to us from wakanda! wakanda forev-- is something i probably shouldn't say. it's cultural appropriation, even though it's not a real place. "black panther" broke all sorts of records this weekend. it had the largest solo super- hero opening of all time, the largest ever box office in february, and the most white people seeing a movie starring a black person who is
. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." plus, stephen welcomes kirsten gillibrand chris gethard and musical guest portugal, the man. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, how are you? thank you, joe. thank you very much. hey, everybody! thanks so much. you're too kind....
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Feb 15, 2018
02/18
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>> it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. plus, stephen welcomes jodie foster with a special appearance by tom hanks and run the jewels. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. thank you! hey, everybody! please, you're very kind. ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) very nice, very nice group of people. happy friday, everybody. doesn't it feel great? ( cheers and applause ) getting so close. getting close to the end of the year, and everybody's working on their resolutions. mine is for america to knuckle down and maybe pick our own president next time. ( cheers and applause ) donald trump-- donald trump-- donald trump continues to deny any russian interference in the 2016 election. now, "the washington post" published a massive article yesterday, and we learned that in janua
>> it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. plus, stephen welcomes jodie foster with a special appearance by tom hanks and run the jewels. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey! ( cheers and applause ) thank you very much. thank you! hey, everybody! please, you're very kind. ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late...
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Feb 9, 2018
02/18
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i'm your shows stephen colbert. under donald trump, terrifying news comes from the darnedest places. the latest is from tonight's new episode of "celebrity big brother"-- only cbs. but i don't have tell you, because you all watched. we've talked about this. okay. i'm going to check one day. you will be embarrassed. one of the celebrity roommates on this season's "celebrity big brother" is former white house advisor and woman with some notes for the guy making her salad, omarosa manigault-newman. she was dishing about her white house job with her roommate ross mathews, and it didn't sound like a happy experience. >> i was haunted by tweets every. single. day. like, what is he going to tweet next? >> stephen: oh, really, you were haunted? out here, it's been the trumpityville horror. ( laughter ) also, pro tip: when you're on a reality show... whispering doesn't really work. trump can hear you! ( laughter ) but the most upsetting part was this exchange about the state of the nation: >> should we be worried? don't say
i'm your shows stephen colbert. under donald trump, terrifying news comes from the darnedest places. the latest is from tonight's new episode of "celebrity big brother"-- only cbs. but i don't have tell you, because you all watched. we've talked about this. okay. i'm going to check one day. you will be embarrassed. one of the celebrity roommates on this season's "celebrity big brother" is former white house advisor and woman with some notes for the guy making her salad,...
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Feb 13, 2018
02/18
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in the trash. ♪ anymore >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert."
in the trash. ♪ anymore >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert."
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Feb 16, 2018
02/18
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stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. miller, thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about this one? >> page after page after page of the book is pure false. >> stephen: and this one? >> nothing but a pile of trash through and through. ( laughter ) >> stephen: and, finally, this one, stephen colbert's "midnight confessions." >> something magical that's happening in the heart of this country. ( applause )
stephen colbert's interview of jake tapper's interview of stephen miller. >> stephen: mr. miller, thank you for sitting down with me after your truly troubling and unhinged interview with jake tapper. >> good to be here. >> stephen: now, everyone is talking about this book, michael wolff's "fire and fury." but i want to know, what do you have to say about this book? >> the author is a garbage person of a garbage book. ( laughter ) >> stephen: how about...
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Feb 20, 2018
02/18
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senate. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, who wants moore? plus, stephen welcomes tom hanks, katy tur, and mac demarco sitting in with jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the
senate. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, who wants moore? plus, stephen welcomes tom hanks, katy tur, and mac demarco sitting in with jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the
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Feb 28, 2018
02/18
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. huge news: this afternoon, first son-in-law jared kushner was denied his security clearance and has lost access to top-secret intelligence. ( cheers and applause ) what! what! i don't-- what's wrong with you people! how will he fix the middle east now?! ( laughter ) he was so close to starting. ( laughter ) now, we just learned this. we just learned this a little while ago. everybody at the white house with interim security clearances last friday they would be downgraded from top secret to secret. merely, merely, secret clearance. which means kushner will have access to only nine herbs and spices. just nine. 11 spices. only nine. the last two are salt and fried salt. ( laughter ) but he's still being investigated, right? he's still being investigated. and if the fbi doesn't approve him, he'll be downgraded from top secret to pop secret. ( laughter ) so far, so far, trump hasn't commented on jared's demotion. he was too busy with his main presidential duty: live-tweeting fox news. he t
i'm your host, stephen colbert. huge news: this afternoon, first son-in-law jared kushner was denied his security clearance and has lost access to top-secret intelligence. ( cheers and applause ) what! what! i don't-- what's wrong with you people! how will he fix the middle east now?! ( laughter ) he was so close to starting. ( laughter ) now, we just learned this. we just learned this a little while ago. everybody at the white house with interim security clearances last friday they would be...
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. everyone's still keenly aware that donald trump gave a speech last night. i believe it ended 15 minutes ago. ( laughter ) and good news for trump: according to cnn, 70% percent of the people who watched the speech had either a very positive or somewhat positive reaction. which seems good, until you learn "it's the lowest net positive rating for a state of the union address since cnn first asked the question." ( applause ). ( cheers ) , of course,-- true. that's true. , of course,, you know, it's an odd sample size. that's a poll of the people who actually watched the state of the union, so late night talk show hosts and the criminally insane. one person who thought donald trump did a great job was donald trump, at least judging from all the clapping he did during his own speech. ( applause ) i really, really think they should have turned down his mic during the clapping parts. and during the talking parts. i know he's a narcissist. i mean, that's a given. but come on. if i clapped aft
i'm your host, stephen colbert. everyone's still keenly aware that donald trump gave a speech last night. i believe it ended 15 minutes ago. ( laughter ) and good news for trump: according to cnn, 70% percent of the people who watched the speech had either a very positive or somewhat positive reaction. which seems good, until you learn "it's the lowest net positive rating for a state of the union address since cnn first asked the question." ( applause ). ( cheers ) , of course,--...
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Feb 7, 2018
02/18
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. big news-- ( cheers and applause ) big, big news out of the russia investigation. according to sources at the white house, donald trump's lawyers are telling him to refuse an interview with robert mueller because the president, who has a history of making false statements and contradicting himself, could be charged with lying to investigators. ( laughter ) yeah. it is a crack legal analysis from the law firm of "no, (bleep), and sherlock." ( cheers and applause ) fine. they're a fine firm. fine-- brown shoe firm. now, there is one trump lawyer saying the president should cooperate with mueller, and that's trump attorney and man bitten by a radioactive wilford brimley, ty cobb. cobb has argued that the white house should do everything possible to cooperate with mr. mueller's investigation, and says the white house is in "total cooperation mode." yes "total cooperation." trump's cooperating because he wants mueller's investigation to be over swiftly. oh, and there's one other thing he w
i'm your host, stephen colbert. big news-- ( cheers and applause ) big, big news out of the russia investigation. according to sources at the white house, donald trump's lawyers are telling him to refuse an interview with robert mueller because the president, who has a history of making false statements and contradicting himself, could be charged with lying to investigators. ( laughter ) yeah. it is a crack legal analysis from the law firm of "no, (bleep), and sherlock." ( cheers and...
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Feb 20, 2018
02/18
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. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, who wants moore? plus, stephen welcomes tom hanks, katy tur, and mac demarco sitting in with jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan thear
. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) ♪ ♪ >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, who wants moore? plus, stephen welcomes tom hanks, katy tur, and mac demarco sitting in with jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan thear
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02/18
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and catch "the late show" with stephen colbert. he's on tonight 11:35 and 10:35 central. >>> many are there for the food. >> do you always come when they're serving raman? >> yes, ma'am. >> all three days? >> yes, ma'am. >> the chef there's only one place where you can get... more adventure, more thrills, more magic, and more happy. and now you can stay steps away from the magic for less. save up to 25% on select rooms at a disneyland resort hotel. so now's the time to get more happy! ♪ >>> delicious is not a word we normally use to describe hospital food but one chef is changing perceptions of what cafeteria food can be with the help of international cuisine. chef kobe smith revamps a menu at arkansas heart hospital and his signature dish is authentic ramen. adriana diaz visited the hospital to see how the menu was attracting more than just patients and employees. ♪ >> we actually work on the campus of arkansas children's hospital. >> you came from another hospital. >> to this hospital to have lunch, yes. >> since we've been d
and catch "the late show" with stephen colbert. he's on tonight 11:35 and 10:35 central. >>> many are there for the food. >> do you always come when they're serving raman? >> yes, ma'am. >> all three days? >> yes, ma'am. >> the chef there's only one place where you can get... more adventure, more thrills, more magic, and more happy. and now you can stay steps away from the magic for less. save up to 25% on select rooms at a disneyland resort...
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>> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, clair claire danes, bernadette peters, lil uzi vurt and jon batiste with "stay human." now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, thanks! thank you so much, everybody! ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) remember when donald trump told us we would be tired of winning? well, evidently the stock market is exhausted -- ( laughter ) because after losing 666 points on friday, monday said, "hold my beer," and posted the greatest single same-day drop in the stock market history: 1,600 points. in the end, the dow closed almost 1,200 points down, erasing its gains for the year. the stock market is just like the rest of us: it spent january working on improving itself then in february said (bleep) it. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) yeah. what am i egoing to do? ( applause ) speculation is that
>> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, clair claire danes, bernadette peters, lil uzi vurt and jon batiste with "stay human." now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, thanks! thank you so much, everybody! ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your host stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) remember when...
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Feb 13, 2018
02/18
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in the trash. ♪ anymore >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, trump's days of fury. plus, stephen welcomes neil degrasse tyson. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! how are you? welcome, mark. hey! good to see you. that was good. chris, fantastic. people love when bad things happen to dogs. they love it! >> audience: stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: hey, come on! no, you! >> audience: stephen! stephen! >> stephen: that's nice. welcome. welcome to "the late show." please have a seat, everybody. that's very nice. welcome to "the late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) listen to that, listen to that. that is a friday crowd right there >> jon: ♪ it's friday, oh, oh, >> stephen: these people have come through storms. >> jon: they come through a lot. >> stephen: they have come through giving up on going to the gym af
in the trash. ♪ anymore >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, trump's days of fury. plus, stephen welcomes neil degrasse tyson. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! how are you? welcome, mark. hey! good to see you. that was good. chris, fantastic. people love when bad...
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Feb 27, 2018
02/18
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>> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, trump to the rescue. plus stephen welcomes jennifer lawrence, patton oswalt, and musical guest mgmt, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome bam perfect! perfect! thanks, everybody! please sit down! thank you very much, everybody! folks, thanks! welcome, everybody! thanks! what's up, chris, what's up, matt? welcome to "the late show," everybody. i'm your host stephen colbert ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) donald trump's been president for over a year now. ( audience booing ) >> stephen: look, i'm with you. ( laughter ) at this point, i go to bed every night believing there's nothing he could say or do that could possibly surprise me. then the sun comes up. ( laughter ) and today, it happened again. trump met with the nation's governors, and at the top of the agenda was the urgent problem of school shootings. donald trump has said that maybe we shoul
>> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. tonight, trump to the rescue. plus stephen welcomes jennifer lawrence, patton oswalt, and musical guest mgmt, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome bam perfect! perfect! thanks, everybody! please sit down! thank you very much, everybody! folks, thanks!...
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." >>> coming up on "cbs this morning," the "late show" host stephen colbert is on the talk about his latest animated series called "our cartoon president." i'm anne-marie green. this is the "cbs morning news." from the moment you met you wanted to surround them in comfort and protection that's why pampers swaddlers is the #1 choice of hospitals to wrap your baby in blanket-like softness so all they feel is love pampers swaddlers new aveeno® positively radiant it's timbody lotion...glow on! with the moisture-rich power of soy. it transforms dull, dry skin to leave you glowing. new positively radiant® body collection from aveeno®. expected to be difficult and dangerous. more than 1,000 flights have been canceled already today. >>> the flu is widespread in every state but hawaii and oregon. in arkansas, 125 people have died this season. that's more than six times the toll last year at this time. omar villafranca is in little rock. >> reporter: 3-year-old gibson hecht has spent the last 12 days at arkansas children's hospital fighting the flu. because of his chronic lung disease, his
." >>> coming up on "cbs this morning," the "late show" host stephen colbert is on the talk about his latest animated series called "our cartoon president." i'm anne-marie green. this is the "cbs morning news." from the moment you met you wanted to surround them in comfort and protection that's why pampers swaddlers is the #1 choice of hospitals to wrap your baby in blanket-like softness so all they feel is love pampers swaddlers new...
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Feb 23, 2018
02/18
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the late show with stephen colbert you new tonight and coming up you your way 11:35 colbert you new tonight and coming up you your way 11:35 after eyewitness news colbert you new tonight and coming up you your way 11:35 after eyewitness news >> eagles center jason kelce showed off talent at wilson high school. >> kelce there playing bar aton sax. he he stopped by today to take part in exchange program event between music department central high school and cleveland heights high school in ohio. that's kelce's alma mater. >> before i was a philadelphia eagle and super bowl cham i was a tiger growing up and you know i played in three different -- football, hockey and lacrosse and played in the jazz band and the symphonic winds ensemble. even though it's a long time i it was fun to have the instrument in my hand and to be throughout with the bands is cool. >> he wore high school letter man jacket today and said he cannot button it up but my man that's okay. >> philadelphia reading terminal market wept back in time to celebrate 125 anniversary. market marked occasion with 1893 day hosting grand
the late show with stephen colbert you new tonight and coming up you your way 11:35 colbert you new tonight and coming up you your way 11:35 after eyewitness news colbert you new tonight and coming up you your way 11:35 after eyewitness news >> eagles center jason kelce showed off talent at wilson high school. >> kelce there playing bar aton sax. he he stopped by today to take part in exchange program event between music department central high school and cleveland heights high...
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Feb 23, 2018
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. the national conversation continues to be, how do we keep our children safe from gun violence. everyone knows this is a crisis, so, for the president, for the republican majority, for the n.r.a., every option is on the table-- except fewer guns. where to start? yesterday, president trump held a listening session with traumatized students, teachers, and parents at the white house. it's a good place to start, but it was clearly a test of trump's ability to listen, because he brought along a cheat sheet that included: "i hear you." ( laughter ) ( applause ) i mean, people have cheat sheets, but it is a little unsettling that the president needs a cheat sheet for reacting to other people's emotions. i can imagine the notes he used when he left his wives. "hello... 'wife's name.' it's over. you were a nine and now you're a high seven. thank you, and i hear you, but i don't want to see you ." well, we here at the "late show" got the actual list. looks much bigger when he's holding it. ( lau
i'm your host, stephen colbert. the national conversation continues to be, how do we keep our children safe from gun violence. everyone knows this is a crisis, so, for the president, for the republican majority, for the n.r.a., every option is on the table-- except fewer guns. where to start? yesterday, president trump held a listening session with traumatized students, teachers, and parents at the white house. it's a good place to start, but it was clearly a test of trump's ability to listen,...
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. donald trump-- if you're familiar with him-- donald trump likes to talk about being a job-creating president, and a really big job just opened up because-- and this is true-- "fox & friends" is looking for a new head writer. hold on-- somebody writes "fox & friends"? ( laughter ) i thought they just got some monkeys drunk and gave them a ouija board. a job like this does not come around every day. keep in mind-- and i am not exaggerating-- this is the show that the president watches every mornng to know what he thinks. a more honest ad would say, "job opening: most influential writer in the world. must be okay with having your most casual thought instantly turned into global policy. light doocy wrangling." ( laughter ) now, the ad actually says, "you have to have four-plus years of national or local major-market experience. must be willing to work overnights and weekends." so, more than the president. so you need to have a passion for accuracy. yes. accuracy, accuracy should be more o
i'm your host, stephen colbert. donald trump-- if you're familiar with him-- donald trump likes to talk about being a job-creating president, and a really big job just opened up because-- and this is true-- "fox & friends" is looking for a new head writer. hold on-- somebody writes "fox & friends"? ( laughter ) i thought they just got some monkeys drunk and gave them a ouija board. a job like this does not come around every day. keep in mind-- and i am not...
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." >>> coming up on "cbs this morning," the "late show" host stephen colbert is on the talk about his latest animated series called "our cartoon president." i'm anne-marie green. this is the "cbs morning news." from the moment you met you wantecomfort and protection that's why pampers swaddlers is the #1 choice of hospitals to wrap your baby in blanket-like softness so all they feel is love pampers swaddlers new aveeno® positively radiant it's timbody lotion...glow on! with the moisture-rich power of soy. it transforms dull, dry skin to leave you glowing. new positively radiant® body collection from aveeno®. un-stop right there! i'm about to pop a cap of "mmm fresh" in that washer. with unstopables in-wash scent boosters by downy. ah, it's so fresh. and it's going to last from wash to... ...wear for up to 12 weeks. unstopables by downy. you're so cold, come in! what's wrong? it's dry... your scalp? mine gets dry in the winter too. try head and shoulders' dry scalp care it nourishes the scalp and... ...keeps you up to 100% flake free head and shoulders' dry scalp care >>> our top st
." >>> coming up on "cbs this morning," the "late show" host stephen colbert is on the talk about his latest animated series called "our cartoon president." i'm anne-marie green. this is the "cbs morning news." from the moment you met you wantecomfort and protection that's why pampers swaddlers is the #1 choice of hospitals to wrap your baby in blanket-like softness so all they feel is love pampers swaddlers new aveeno® positively radiant...
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Feb 8, 2018
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good night. >>> "the late show with stephen colbert" is next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> have a great night. we'll see you tomorrow.
good night. >>> "the late show with stephen colbert" is next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> have a great night. we'll see you tomorrow.
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Feb 23, 2018
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coming up next it's the late show with stephen colbert followed by the late late show with james colbert. for kate, don, everybody here i'm ukee washington. >> i'm jessica dean we're always on at cbsphilly.com. >> have a good night family, always on at cbsphilly.com. >> have a good night family, sleep captioning sponsored by cbs >> announcer: earlier today president trump met with officials mostly from red states to discuss the violence. he called for arming teachers. >> announcer: and now, a response from a school teacher. >> president trump and some others have suggested that the safest thing we can do is arm our teachers. as counterpoint, i would just like to say... that is a great idea. i look forward to packing heat. now, let's imagine i'm in the middle of a lesson on the ancient aztecs and the unthinkable happens. here's how it will go down. first, i'd spring out of my chair. ( laughter )
coming up next it's the late show with stephen colbert followed by the late late show with james colbert. for kate, don, everybody here i'm ukee washington. >> i'm jessica dean we're always on at cbsphilly.com. >> have a good night family, always on at cbsphilly.com. >> have a good night family, sleep captioning sponsored by cbs >> announcer: earlier today president trump met with officials mostly from red states to discuss the violence. he called for arming teachers....
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Feb 22, 2018
02/18
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. ♪ ♪ >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, florida students stand up to the n.r.a. plus, stephen welcomes sam rockwell j.j. abrams and musical guest borns. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, how are you? thank you very much. hey, everybody! please, sit down. you're too kind can. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) the big story-- the big story tonight continues to be the inspiring activism of children. today, students all over florida walked out of their classrooms and were joined by kids in ohio, kentucky, illinois, arizona, iowa, and a huge group of students from maryland, virginia, and d.c., who descended on our nation's capitol. ( cheers and applause ) yes! gotta give it up. the adults-- the adults just don't get it, so the kids "got woke." need proof that adults don't get it? remember how awkward it was when i just said "got woke"? (
. ♪ ♪ >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, florida students stand up to the n.r.a. plus, stephen welcomes sam rockwell j.j. abrams and musical guest borns. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, how are you? thank you very much. hey, everybody! please, sit down. you're too kind can. welcome to "the late show."...
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and robert mueller is in a cage. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, trump loves a parade. plus, stephen welcomes jon oliver beanie feldstein and wolfgang puck featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey! >> stephen: i apologize. i didn't mean to scare you. thanks so much. please have a seat, everybody, very nice. ladies and gentlemen, welcome one, welcome all. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) you know, here's the thing, here's the thing-- we kid the president. but you've got to admit, he's one of a kind. no one comes up with dumber ideas. and at this point, he's his own competition. he's the usain bolt of stupid. and his latest record-breaking dumb: trump told the pentagon to plan a military parade. all right, check your cards: who has dictator bingo? ( laughter ) yeah. there you go. i got-- i got it. i'm close, i'm close. i was close. i had rallies and attack t
and robert mueller is in a cage. >> it's "the late show with stephen colbert." tonight, trump loves a parade. plus, stephen welcomes jon oliver beanie feldstein and wolfgang puck featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey! >> stephen: i apologize. i didn't mean to scare you. thanks so much. please have a seat, everybody, very nice....
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i'm your host, stephen colbert. it is a huge night for everyone in the media, because tonight was the long-awaited, rescheduled day that donald trump announced his fake media awards, the fakies. and i'm proud to say-- and the people here don't know this because they've been seated here for almost an hour-- and at 5:15 today, "the late show" won "fakest in late night." ( cheers and applause ) congratulations! congratulations! you did it! you people did it! not me, it's you! thank you. this might not end well. thank you very much. ( cheers and applause ) thank you. please, sit down. sit down. listen, thank you very much. on behalf of everyone here at "the late show," i just want to say thank you, sir. ( laughter ) and i would say i'm humbled, but i think we deserve it, in part because i'm lying right now. we didn't win. ( laughter ) meanwhile, meanwhile, this is good news? we still have a government. for, like, 48 hours, something like that. you see, after the breakdown of the daca negotiations, congress is now hurtli
i'm your host, stephen colbert. it is a huge night for everyone in the media, because tonight was the long-awaited, rescheduled day that donald trump announced his fake media awards, the fakies. and i'm proud to say-- and the people here don't know this because they've been seated here for almost an hour-- and at 5:15 today, "the late show" won "fakest in late night." ( cheers and applause ) congratulations! congratulations! you did it! you people did it! not me, it's you!...
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that's the late show with stephen colbert is coming your way tonight 11:5 after eyewitness >> well, tonight, recreating an iconic moment in history with a little bit of a twist. >> it happened during the victory parade. david spunt explains how the viral picture came together. >> reporter: it was eagles' love fest on broad street thursday afternoon not only are the flares but two complete straichingers who shared this kiss during the parade. >> i came out perfectly. >> eagles fan shamus chancy decided on sunday after the big game to fire up twitter app anden ask twem of twitter verse if one would meet him for a case on board to celebrate the win. >> i threw it out as a joke. >> and with no expectations he received this promising response from a young lady named ashley suit or another eagles fan good it might be funny if i respond to this not expecting anything in return. an he responded back to me. >> the two met for the fist time during the actual parade. shamus had his spot picked out pep boys broad and federal in south philly. >> i said when the parade passes by me i'll walk towards fede
that's the late show with stephen colbert is coming your way tonight 11:5 after eyewitness >> well, tonight, recreating an iconic moment in history with a little bit of a twist. >> it happened during the victory parade. david spunt explains how the viral picture came together. >> reporter: it was eagles' love fest on broad street thursday afternoon not only are the flares but two complete straichingers who shared this kiss during the parade. >> i came out perfectly....
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. >> and here are tonights guests from the late show with stephen colbert. seriously. this is amazon c-e-o jeff bezo' >>> tonight one of the richest men in the world is building a giant cuckoo clock. >> seriously? seriously. this is amazon ceo jeff bazos 10,000-year clock it's being built inside a mountain in texas. the 500-foot high timepiece will only tick once a year. it will cost about $42 million. it's designed to be a symbol for long term thinking. >> this is just when you have all of the money. all of the money never ends. >> inside the mountain who's going to see it? >> he will. >> you'll hear it. >> all this for one person, great. a thrilling end to the gold medal game for the u.s. medal that just in. and matt williams back in the the clippers after a week-long break for the all-star game.. >>> the warriors are back on the floor tomorrow against the clippers after a week long break for the all star game. the last we heard from head coach steve kerr he was plasting lawmakers for the high school shooting in florida. -- he was blasting lawmakers for the high scho
. >> and here are tonights guests from the late show with stephen colbert. seriously. this is amazon c-e-o jeff bezo' >>> tonight one of the richest men in the world is building a giant cuckoo clock. >> seriously? seriously. this is amazon ceo jeff bazos 10,000-year clock it's being built inside a mountain in texas. the 500-foot high timepiece will only tick once a year. it will cost about $42 million. it's designed to be a symbol for long term thinking. >> this is...
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good night. >>> "the late show with stephen colbert" is next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> have a great night. we'll see you tomorrow. captioning sponsored by cbs >> the pentagon is working on a grand military president. pentagon spokesmen tell cbs news that plans are in the early stages for an event in november. >> it's the first-ever presidential macy's trumps-giving day military parade. join us as the streets of washington, d.c. are filled with a thrilling display of authoritarian power, fighter jets, nuclear subs, a dancing stephen segal, things that go bang, things that go boom, uncle sam on stilts with big boobs. and robert mueller is in a cage. >> it's "the late show wit
good night. >>> "the late show with stephen colbert" is next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> have a great night. we'll see you tomorrow. captioning sponsored by cbs >> the pentagon is working on a grand military president. pentagon spokesmen tell cbs news that plans are in the early stages for an event in november. >> it's the first-ever presidential macy's trumps-giving day military parade. join us as the streets of washington, d.c. are...
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02/18
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the future is for the unafraid. ♪ ♪ >>> late show with stephen colbert is next. have a great weekend everyone. captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ >> well, new york is feeling the cold. >> that's right, danny. it is chilly out there. >> brrr! >> "brrr" is right. >> for more, let's check in with our weather reporter, standing out there in the frigid temperatures. jack, how cold is it? >> ahhh! >> oh, i hear you, jack. it's not fit for a penguin out there. >> ooh, i'm glad i'm not out there! >> me, too. >> now, jack, what does that wind chill feel like? >> aargh! >> ha-ha! oh, where's your hat at, jack? >> good point, deborah. have to dress for the weather. hey, jack, can you give us any information on school closing? >> oh, looks like that child was running away from him. >> too cold for an interview. i don't blame the little fella. >> could be the axe, too.
the future is for the unafraid. ♪ ♪ >>> late show with stephen colbert is next. have a great weekend everyone. captioning sponsored by cbs ♪ ♪ >> well, new york is feeling the cold. >> that's right, danny. it is chilly out there. >> brrr! >> "brrr" is right. >> for more, let's check in with our weather reporter, standing out there in the frigid temperatures. jack, how cold is it? >> ahhh! >> oh, i hear you, jack. it's not fit...
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that's the late show with stephen colbert is coming your way tonight 11:5 after eyewitness >> well, tonight, recreating an iconic moment in history with a little bit of a twist. >> it happened during the victory parade. david spunt explains how the viral picture came together. >> reporter: it was eagles' love fest on broad street thursday afternoon not only are the flares but two complete straichingers who shared this kiss during the parade. >> i came out perfectly. >> eagles fan shamus chancy decided on sunday after the big game to fire up twitter app anden ask twem of twitter verse if one would meet him for a case on board to celebrate the win. >> i threw it out as a joke. >> and with no expectations he received this promising response from a young lady named ashley suit or another eagles fan good it might be funny if i respond to this not expecting anything in return. an he responded back to me. >> the two met for the fist time during the actual parade. shamus had his spot picked out pep boys broad and federal in south philly. >> i said when the parade passes by me i'll walk towards fede
that's the late show with stephen colbert is coming your way tonight 11:5 after eyewitness >> well, tonight, recreating an iconic moment in history with a little bit of a twist. >> it happened during the victory parade. david spunt explains how the viral picture came together. >> reporter: it was eagles' love fest on broad street thursday afternoon not only are the flares but two complete straichingers who shared this kiss during the parade. >> i came out perfectly....
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02/18
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. >> and here are tonight's guests on the lay show with stephen colbert. at&t has a network with thousands of best-in-class security experts. which means... more of the eye balls you want watching the network... & less of the ones you don't... more experts preventing security issues & less security threats impacting our customers. more of a highly secure network with more security products available for further protection & less per month than comcast for business internet. switch to at&t internet for business. more & less - that's the power of &. by putting up new buildings. "city-build academy" i >>> tonight job seekers in san francisco are building new careers by putting up new buildings. >> city build academy is an 18- week program for san francisco residents interested in construction careers. they get on the job training as they complete projects around the city. once they graduate, they are placed straight into steady union jobs. >> this is way better than trying to be out there by yourself. like this helps me a lot. you know what i'm saying? if som
. >> and here are tonight's guests on the lay show with stephen colbert. at&t has a network with thousands of best-in-class security experts. which means... more of the eye balls you want watching the network... & less of the ones you don't... more experts preventing security issues & less security threats impacting our customers. more of a highly secure network with more security products available for further protection & less per month than comcast for business...
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Feb 6, 2018
02/18
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mich >>> late show with stephen colbert is next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> they will have all the news you need to start your day. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs >> welcome to wnqx news, philadelphia's news leader. we're going to start tonight with sports. our eagles are victorious, 41-33 beat thators. now they take to the street to celebrate. >> for more, let's go to philadelphia's mayor jim kenny. apparently, jim kenny has been overturned and set on fire. >> he will be missed. reports of fans dry humping the liberate bell. >> they've commandeered a cheese whiz tanker and are doing unspeakable things theo the rocky statue. >> wonlders never cease. the
mich >>> late show with stephen colbert is next. our next newscast is tomorrow morning at 4:30. >> they will have all the news you need to start your day. good night. captioning sponsored by cbs >> welcome to wnqx news, philadelphia's news leader. we're going to start tonight with sports. our eagles are victorious, 41-33 beat thators. now they take to the street to celebrate. >> for more, let's go to philadelphia's mayor jim kenny. apparently, jim kenny has been...